Donna

“To reiterate, no matter how much pepper you eat, it won’t undo the ludicrous amount of salt you ate before it.”
― Allie Brosh, Hyperbole and a Half

“Mom!" Becca stared at her. "You think—you think I'm dating Michael?"
Her mom stared back at her, obviously thrown. "You're not?"
This would be hilarious if her mom didn't look so serious.
"Oh my god," cried Becca. "Are you kidding? Michael is the last person I would ever—oh my god. I wouldn't go out with him if someone paid me. Ugh, that's just—"
"You know I can hear you, right?" called Michael.”
― Brigid Kemmerer, Storm

“Naughty John, Naughty John, does his work with his apron on. Cuts your throat and takes your bones, sells 'em off for a coupla stones.”
― Libba Bray, The Diviners

“Gabriel’s going to be pissed.”
It took Nick a second to answer. “Why?”
“He’ll have to break his leg so people won’t be able to tell you apart.”
― Brigid Kemmerer, Storm