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Michael Cargill
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Michael Cargill - 2nd edition of Saying Goodbye to Warsaw
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Michael
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Aug 05, 2013 10:32PM
Cheers Katie, I'll have a fiddle tonight.
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Wow, it's amazing what you can do with Photoshop when you know what the options are called. I had the text sprouting big tumours and everything.Okay, I've trimmed it at the edges and made a change to the title text. Left my name in the same style but made it bigger for comparison:
Edit - removed pic to speed up the thread.
Brilliant cover, Michael. It makes me want to know what's behind that door. My only minor grievance is that the word "to" doesn't have a capital "t" (I know it's in caps, but all the other words on your cover have big capitals at the start, and my weird obsession with typography is drawing me to it!)Looks very professional though! My Photoshop license just expired, so have been fiddling with paint.net (a shareware alternative). Does the basics okay, but is slooooowwww compared to Adobe's pricey package.
I think you could make the title larger. Sort of stretch it down so it's closer to the star?Does that make sense?
Cheers, Andy! I know what you mean about the 'T' but I think it's just a quirk of the font. How does Paint.NET compare to open sores stuff like GIMP?Patti - is this what you meant about the title? I've also changed my name to be the same style as the title.
Michael wrote: "Cheers, Andy! I know what you mean about the 'T' but I think it's just a quirk of the font. How does Paint.NET compare to open sores stuff like GIMP?"The words "open sores" and "GIMP" should not appear in the same sentence! Conjures up some horrid images.
GIMP is more powerful, but it can demand a few too many plugins for my liking. If you want to do some basic touching up of a photo, Paint.net is much easier to live with. The best of the free bunch is Chasys Draw, but it doesn't seem to work on Bootcamp (I'm stuck using my wife's fussy Mac whilst my trusty old PC recovers from me spilling a bottle of Purdys on it).
Love the cover, I have finished the beta read and sent the document back. Hopefully I am not to late
No Lindsay, you checked back in with plenty of time to spare!Given how much everyone loves the pic for the cover, it's odd how much I was umming and ahhing about it in the first place!
I think you've got the cover cracked Mike.Just showed it to Dave and he said its 'very good'.
You ain't gonna get any higher praise than that, trust me.
Shit it IS good, I must say.Perfect for the book.
I'm happy to do a second read through after you edit and before you publish.
PLEASE don't publish before its ready, okay?
Ooooooooooh, you're busting my balls here Patti. Your plan is a sound one though.Um, did you manage to get your notes and stuff synced up?
Not yet. Won't be on wifi again until we're back in Baku.We fly out next Saturday. Hopefully can get them to you on Sunday, if we get the Internet turned back on straight away.
Sorry to have to make you wait. :(
Did you send Elle a copy? I'd really like her opinion on the ending.Lindsay, send me a pm and tell me what you thought, please?
No worries Patti, that's fair enough.I don't have an email address or anything for Elle and she didn't ask for one. You can send it onto her if you want.
Hmmm.Not comfortable doing that Mike.
I take the security of any manuscripts I'm sent very seriously and will never pass any of them about.
I'll tell Elle to contact you.
Yes, that's much better. Dare I say, I'd probably leave more space down the sides of the title so that it doesn't look squashed in (about the same as you have for your name), but otherwise, it's a great cover.(Even if you just made 'Saying Goodbye' smaller so that it was in line with the other two words, it would work.)
Oh, you're right Katie! That'd make it even better!
I think it's time to look at the blurb as well, Mike.
How's this for a blurb:In 1939 the German army smashed its way in to Poland; little over a month later, Poland surrendered.
A year later the Nausbaum family, along with half a million other Jewish civilians, were evicted from their homes and forced to live amongst the ruins of Warsaw, the Polish capital.
Abigail, Leo, and their parents were powerless in the face of the starvation, disease, and brutality that the hands of their Nazi tormentors inflicted upon them.
The struggle for survival meant many of the inhabitants perished in their beds or in the gutter. Others collaborated with the Nazis or used their guile and cunning to defy the odds.
Thousands died; hundreds of families were wiped out; dozens of communities ceased to exist.
A handful decided to fight back.
The last line is perfect. Keep that. Your semi colon is all wrong.It's a bit too dry and factual, I think, but a good start.
I could quite happily dump a bucket of commas over your head. :)
Perhaps more about Abigail? Foreshadow her importance?
I agree with Patti.I don't know the story, so am viewing it as a prospective reader, and I'm afraid it doesn't draw me in as much as the cover art.
That's great David. It's really important to hear from someone who doesn't know the story.Thanks for that!
Eep.
Mike, I hope you're not finding me presumptuous.
I've not been this excited about a book, ever.
The title and cover attracted me, but the blurb sounds a little non-fiction.
Yes. It's certainly based in fact but is so much more. The blurb needs to reflect the depth of the characters that Mike has created.
No, that's fine. Everyone's input has been invaluable so far, so I'll keep my prima donna tantrums at bay for now.GR is blocked at work and doing blurbs on the phone is a pest, so I'll bosh something up this evening.
Great stuff Mike.At this rate I may allow you publish in time for Remembrance Day. ;)
How about this?Abigail Nussbaum is an ordinary girl who is loved by her family. She likes to chase butterflies around the garden and lie on her back to see what shapes she can make out in the clouds. She also likes playing with little children and will happily spend all day showing them how to make daisy chains.
Abigail just so happens to be Jewish, a heinous crime in the eyes of many in the year of 1939.
Along with half a million other Polish Jews, Abigail and her family are evicted from their home and forced to live in the bombed out ruins of Warsaw, the Polish capital. Every day becomes a struggle against starvation, disease, and brutality at the hands of their Nazi tormentors.
Thousands will die in their beds or in the gutter. Hundreds of families will become extinct. Dozens of communities will cease to exist.
A handful decide to fight back, but is the uprising strong enough to save Abigail’s spirit or is it going to be too little, too late?
It's nit picking but the little white spot at the end of the 'C' of your name pulls my eyes to it. Everything else is great.
Nah, nitpicking now is better than nitpicking after it's released!I'll have to crack open Photoshop again.
Great blurb, although I'd perhaps stop at the words "a handful decide to fight back", maybe with a few ellipses. But that might be a bit trite.
Oh I love the Abigail's spirit bit! I'd finish the last sentence there.Blurb is a bit too long, maybe.
I think Thousands will die....could be cut.
Your description of Abigail could be better, too. It's all true but...I dunno.
Please don't hate me, Mike.
I read it before Patti commented, but didn't relish being negative. It's a big improvement, but I feel it needs to be tighter, punchier.
Nah, that's fine - I wasn't expecting it to be the final thing anyway. It was just something I knocked up at work.I'll have another bash when I've had din dins.
May I tentatively suggest something like this:Like any girl who is loved by her family, Abigail Nussbaum loves to chase butterflies, enjoys lying on her back looking for shapes in clouds, and happily teaches young children to make daisy chains. In the eyes of certain people, however, Abigail has committed a heinous crime. The year is 1939; the place is Poland; Abigail happens to be Jewish.
etc....
Actually, that's pretty good!Thanks David...!
Only two years!?!?! I'm absolutely gobsmacked.And although your poo argument almost swayed me, I had to go with audiophiles. Cuz of, you know, Dave.
Patti, I'm assuming you got the wrong thread there!By the way, our very own MT McGuire put the spotlight on me for Box 010/Room 101.
Have a peek to see what gets my goat - http://mtmcguire.co.uk/2013/08/07/box...
Nope. This is your thread, right??? Lol!Perhaps I should have put in the link...
Ah, your comment makes sense now - I had no idea that you were referring to my Box 010 answers!.And yup, only two years! I still remember writing Shelter from Thunder, which was about 4000 words, wondering how it was possible to write anything longer.
Well, then you're obviously a natural at writing.
*Blush*Right, had a tweak with David's input and came up with this:
Like any girl who is treasured by her family, Abigail Nussbaum loves nothing more than chasing butterflies around her garden. During the summer she will happily teach young children how to make daisy chains, before showing them how to decorate a snowman once winter arrives.
However, in the minds of some people, Abigail has committed a heinous sin that cannot ever be repented. The year is 1939; the place is Poland; Abigail just so happens to be Jewish.
Along with half a million other Polish Jews, Abigail and her family are evicted from their home and forced to live in the bombed out ruins of Warsaw, the Polish capital. Every day becomes a struggle against starvation, disease, and brutality at the hands of their Nazi tormentors.
Although a handful of them decide to fight back, is the uprising going to be strong enough to save Abigail’s spirit?
In Word it looks tiny, yet on here it looks too long!
Oh dear.Today I was wearing my nice calf length black linen trousers.
Mainly to have a little waft of air round my ankles and mainly 'cos I hadn't shaved my legs for a few days.
I did wear them the other week, but the waft was a bit chilly, so I put my black ugg boots on. The hem just left a teeny gap between them and the top of the boots. I felt extra dumpy that day :)
I lived in 3/4 length trousers in Africa and still do in the warm weather in Baku. One dresses to not infringe on the culture one is living in and that means keeping knees and shoulders covered.
I did giggle at the 'warmy-cold' statement. :)
Yes, it's too long. Use what David wrote! It's perfect!
Joo!!!Help!!!
I've synced my kindle and looked at the link you posted a while back and none of my notes for Mike's book are there!
Is it cuz it's not a amazon download???
What do I do???
if its not a proper amazon book the notes don't sync up with your amazon account.i found that out the seriously hard way.
i think you are able to take them off your kindle via lead though, its pretty easy. just stick lead in and find your notes - copy paste job i think? joo posted how to do it ages ago i think as well. i never have so don't know for sure how.
Bugger.Thought it worked with Darren's manuscripts tho.
Okay. Will try tomorrow.
That'll be fun..
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