John Mayer > John's Quotes

“The law, in its majestic equality, forbids rich and poor alike to sleep under bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal their bread.”
― Anatole France

“Anti-intellectualism has been a constant thread winding its way through our political and cultural life, nurtured by the false notion that democracy means that 'my ignorance is just as good as your knowledge.'”
― Isaac Asimov

“The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.”
― Mark Twain

“You put a baby in a crib with an apple and a rabbit. If it eats the rabbit and plays with the apple, I'll buy you a new car.”
― Harvey Diamond

“Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.”
― Woody Allen

“I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.”
― Woody Allen

“I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.”
― Woody Allen, Annie Hall: Screenplay

“Having faith is believing in something you just know ain't true.”
― Mark Twain, The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn

“One such monster lived around 600 B.C. and was the slave of a Greek nobleman named Iadmon who lived on Samos. This unfortunate was a hunchback described as having "an enormous head with slit eyes, a long, misshaped countenance, a large mouth and bowed legs." A servant girl meeting him asked in horror, "Are you a baboon?" Because he was cut off from humanity by his revolting appearance, this monster made friends with animals. He told numerous short tales with animal heroes illustrating the weaknesses of people. His stories were so biting and his looks so disgusting that he was finally killed by a mob. His name was Aesop.”
― Daniel P. Mannix, Freaks: We Who Are Not As Others

“You will never reach your destination if you stop and throw stones at every dog that barks.”
― Winston S. Churchill

“Once on a yellow piece of paper with green lines
he wrote a poem
And he called it "Chops"
because that was the name of his dog

And that's what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
and a gold star
And his mother hung it on the kitchen door
and read it to his aunts
That was the year Father Tracy
took all the kids to the zoo

And he let them sing on the bus
And his little sister was born
with tiny toenails and no hair
And his mother and father kissed a lot
And the girl around the corner sent him a
Valentine signed with a row of X's

and he had to ask his father what the X's meant
And his father always tucked him in bed at night
And was always there to do it

Once on a piece of white paper with blue lines
he wrote a poem
And he called it "Autumn"

because that was the name of the season
And that's what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
and asked him to write more clearly
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because of its new paint

And the kids told him
that Father Tracy smoked cigars
And left butts on the pews
And sometimes they would burn holes
That was the year his sister got glasses
with thick lenses and black frames
And the girl around the corner laughed

when he asked her to go see Santa Claus
And the kids told him why
his mother and father kissed a lot
And his father never tucked him in bed at night
And his father got mad
when he cried for him to do it.


Once on a paper torn from his notebook
he wrote a poem
And he called it "Innocence: A Question"
because that was the question about his girl
And that's what it was all about
And his professor gave him an A

and a strange steady look
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because he never showed her
That was the year that Father Tracy died
And he forgot how the end
of the Apostle's Creed went

And he caught his sister
making out on the back porch
And his mother and father never kissed
or even talked
And the girl around the corner
wore too much makeup
That made him cough when he kissed her

but he kissed her anyway
because that was the thing to do
And at three a.m. he tucked himself into bed
his father snoring soundly

That's why on the back of a brown paper bag
he tried another poem

And he called it "Absolutely Nothing"
Because that's what it was really all about
And he gave himself an A
and a slash on each damned wrist
And he hung it on the bathroom door
because this time he didn't think

he could reach the kitchen.”
― Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

“Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.

In his house at R'lyeh dead Cthulhu waits dreaming.”
― H.P. Lovecraft

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.”
― Wendy Mass, The Candymakers

“The sooner the jihadis go up to their imagined #heaven, the sooner our earth would be a heaven.”
― Fakeer Ishavardas

“You don’t get rich writing science fiction. If you want to get rich, you start a religion.”
― L Ron Hubbard

“I have always found it quaint and rather touching that there is a movement [Libertarians] in the US that thinks Americans are not yet selfish enough.”
― Christopher Hitchens

“I've been all over the world and I've never seen a statue of a critic.”
― Leonard Bernstein

“I'm no longer quite sure what the question is, but I do know that the answer is Yes.”
― Leonard Bernstein, The Unanswered Question: Six Talks at Harvard

“Inspiration is wonderful when it happens, but the writer must develop an approach for the rest of the time... The wait is simply too long.”
― Leonard Bernstein

“A writer is a person for whom writing is more difficult than it is for other people.”
― Leonard Bernstein

“A liberal is a man or a woman or a child who looks forward to a better day, a more tranquil night, and a bright, infinite future.”
― Leonard Bernstein, Thinking and Writing in College

“If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man.”
― Mark Twain

“You blocks, you stones, you worse than senseless things!”
― William Shakespeare, Julius Caesar

“The world is so full of a number of things, I ’m sure we should all be as happy as kings.”
― Robert Louis Stevenson, A Child's Garden of Verses