Annie Hall Quotes

“I feel that life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. That's the two categories. The horrible are like, I don't know, terminal cases, you know, and blind people, crippled. I don't know how they get through life. It's amazing to me. And the miserable is everyone else. So you should be thankful that you're miserable, because that's very lucky, to be miserable.”
― Woody Allen, Annie Hall: Screenplay

“It reminds me of that old joke- you know, a guy walks into a psychiatrist's office and says, hey doc, my brother's crazy! He thinks he's a chicken. Then the doc says, why don't you turn him in? Then the guy says, I would but I need the eggs. I guess that's how I feel about relationships. They're totally crazy, irrational, and absurd, but we keep going through it because we need the eggs.”
― Woody Allen, Annie Hall: Screenplay

“There's an old joke - um... two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of 'em says, "Boy, the food at this place is really terrible." The other one says, "Yeah, I know; and such small portions." Well, that's essentially how I feel about life - full of loneliness, and misery, and suffering, and unhappiness, and it's all over much too quickly.”
― Woody Allen, Annie Hall: Screenplay

“I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.”
― Woody Allen, Annie Hall: Screenplay

“Those who can't do, teach. And those who can't teach, teach gym.”
― Woody Allen, Annie Hall: Screenplay

“Love is too weak a word for what I feel - I luuurve you, you know, I loave you, I luff you, two F's, yes.”
― Woody Allen, Annie Hall: Screenplay

“You know how you're always trying to get things to come out perfect in art because it's real difficult in life”
― Woody Allen, Annie Hall: Screenplay

“Don't you see the rest of the country looks upon New York like we're left-wing, communist, Jewish, homosexual pornographers? I think of us that way sometimes and I live here.”
― Woody Allen, Annie Hall: Screenplay

“It was great seeing Annie again. I realised what a terrific person she was and how fun it was just knowing her. And I thought of that old joke, you know. The guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, "Doc, my brother's crazy. He thinks he's a chicken." and the doctor says, "well, why don't you turn him in?" and the guy says, "I would, but o need the eggs." 
Well, I guess that's pretty much now how I feel about relationships. You know, they're totally irrational and crazy and absurd and, but, err, I guess we keep going through it because most of us need the eggs.”
― Woody Allen, Annie Hall: Screenplay

“I was in analysis. I was suicidal. As a matter of fact, I would have killed myself, but I was in analysis with a strict Freudian and if you kill yourself they make you pay for the sessions you miss.”
― Woody Allen, Annie Hall: Screenplay

“There's an old joke. Two elderly women are at a mountain resort. One of them says, "Boy, the food at this place is really terrible." The other one says, "Yeah, I know, and such small portions." Well, that's essentially how I feel about life. Full of loneliness and misery and suffering and unhappiness, and it's all over much too quickly.”
― Woody Allen, Annie Hall

“La vida esta llena de soledad, miseria, sufrimiento, tristeza y, sin embargo, se acaba demasiado deprisa.”
― Woody Allen, Annie Hall: Screenplay