Kathleen Pooler's Blog, page 22
October 2, 2017
A Year of Community, Courage, and Cancer: Interview with Memoirist Antoinette Truglio-Martin.
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler with Antoinette Truglio-Martin/@StoriesServed
“The greatness of a community is most accurately measured by the compassionate actions of its members.” ~ Coretta Scott King
Photo credit: Pixabay Free Image
I am pleased to feature memoirist Antoinette Truglio Martin in this interview about her new book, Hug Everyone You Know: A Year of Community, Courage, and Cancer. As I wrote in my review, her memoir can be a template for dealing with a cancer diagnosis.
My full review can be found on Amazon, Goodreads, LibraryThing, and RiffleBooks
Welcome, Antoinette!
Memoir Author Antoinette Truglio-Martin
A Year of Community, Courage, and Cancer: Interview with Antoinette Truglio- Martin
KP: Facing a breast cancer diagnosis constitutes a life crisis and conjures up a wide range of feelings—fear for one’s mortality, panic for the unknown. Our life as we know it has changed forever. I know this as a cancer survivor. So I’m wondering what made you decide to write about your cancer journey?
AM: I have always kept a journal. There are piles of notebooks chronicling my thoughts. My feelings and secrets could never be articulated clearly. I found writing to be my coherent voice. I wrote in my journal during that first year with cancer to keep myself focused and as calm as possible. This allowed me to communicate with my family and friends—My Everyone—via the emails. When I was re-diagnosed almost five years later with metastatic cancer, I went back to that old journal and the saved emails.
Through writing the story I saw that I did hone courage (Click to Tweet) and that it would be possible to navigate through this next diagnosis.
KP: How were you transformed by the writing?
AM: Writing was my tool. It was because I wrote, I could clearly see what I had to do and that no matter how scared, sick, or sad I felt, there was always hope, there was always an end to the trial.
Writing kept me focused so I could get all that emotion out and take part in life events as best I could. (Click to Tweet)
I hated to miss any parties.
KP: In Hug Everyone You Know, you show the importance of community in dealing with a cancer diagnosis. How do you feel your community helped you?
AM: My Everyone was essential. I am so blessed with a community of loving and caring family and friends. Although I did not like an audience when I had treatments, I was not isolated. My husband stood by as the silent soldier, my work family was ready to cover for me, and my friends and family were quick with encouragement and plans for an adventure.
KP: What is the message you most want your readers to hear?
AM: Where there is love, there is life worth living. There are stories worth being a part of.
KP: Your voice was very honest and refreshing—even humorous at times. What do you feel helped you be so open about sharing such an intimate story in such an authentic way?
AM: I am a storyteller. Storytellers need to find a chuckle in between the drama and sobs. I am also older, now. At my age, I am entitled to be intimately honest about what I want to write about. However, I can’t just ramble and rant. It is important to craft a readable and compelling story that rings true for so many others.
KP: I was intrigued by the structure of your memoir, the personal emails woven into the text. It brought me close to the sense of community you share. What made you decide on that story structure?
AM: I loved using the emails because it gave the memoir authentic voices to so many of the characters. I believe it validated the tone and truth of the story. I enjoyed working with this added dimension.
KP: What tips do you have for other writers working on their memoirs?
AM: I am not an expert. What I do works for me and may be completely out of character for most everybody else. I would say, that journaling is an important practice for me. If it wasn’t for my shabby notebook I kept writing in during that first year with cancer, the memoir would not have been written. Dates, places, people, and events were sequence-able. It also triggered sensory memories. There is one more important cog. Find a small group of local writer friends you genuinely like and admire. My little group is my writing life line. Every two weeks or so, we complain, celebrate, and share our projects.
KP: What tips do you have for those in similar situations, those facing a breast cancer diagnosis?
AM: Again, I am not an expert. All cancers bring a unique set of experiences and mind sets. I would say that cultivating a community is most important. But, a community cannot be nurtured during a cancer crisis. It is vital to be part of a family now. It does not have to be large and related. It does need to include those who reciprocate care, love and support.
My only other tip is do not own the cancer. I refuse to refer to the cancer as mine. I do not use “my”. It is always and an “it” or a “the”. This way the cancer is not the main character. It is just one story in the collection of my life’s stories.
***
Thank you for sharing your cancer journey and showing how a community of supporters made a difference. I appreciate your thoughts about not owning the cancer and relying on the love, support and care of others.
***
Book Synopsis
HUG EVERYONE YOU KNOW is a memoir about how Antoinette found the courage to navigate her first year of breast cancer treatment. It’s the story of how a community—colleagues, family, friends—rallied to support her. The book is moving, brave, informative, and occasionally funny—and it speaks to us all.
Author Bio
Antoinette Truglio Martin is a speech therapist and special education teacher by training but is a writer at heart. She is the author of the children’s picture book, Famous Seaweed Soup (Albert Whitman & Company) and was a visiting author in schools for several years. She was formerly a regular columnist for Parent Connections (In A Family Way) and Fire Island Tide (Beach Bumming). Personal experience essays and excerpts of her memoir were published in Bridges, Visible Ink, and The Southampton Review. Martin proudly received her MFA in creative writing and literature from Stony Brook/Southampton University in 2016. As a Stage IV breast cancer patient, she does not allow cancer to dictate her life. She lives in her hometown of Sayville, NY with her husband, Matt, and is never far from My Everyone and the beaches she loves.
Author Contact information:
Website: www.atmartin.com
Email: storiesserved@gmail.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AntoinetteTruglioMartin2017/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/StoriesServed
LinkedIn:https://www.linkedin.com/in/antoinette-truglio-martin-8b708664/
***
How about you? Has community helped you during a crisis?
We’d love to hear from you. Please join in the conversation below~
***
Next Week:
Monday, 10/9/17:
“Creative Harvest”
September 25, 2017
The Gifts of Rejection
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler
The Gifts of Rejection
When I look back at the times in my life when I have been rejected from having what I thought I wanted – parental rejection about not attending that party, a boyfriend’s decision to walk away, a friend’s betrayal- I realize now they were all blessings in disguise. Something better awaited me and in each case, I was ultimately very grateful it didn’t turn out the way I thought I wanted it to.
Rejection a part of life and it certainly is a big part of a writer’s life. ( Click to Tweet)
As I shared in this post, I received a very enthusiastic reception from one agent at the Writer’s Digest Pitch Slam. She liked my pitch and requested the first 100 pages. Exciting!
But that’s as far as it got. Within a few days of sending it, I received her response: “I’m sorry but I’m not interested in addiction/medical memoirs.”
Ouch! Yes, it did sting. Momentarily.
The interesting thing is that while I was waiting for her response, I cranked out another 5,000 words. I was re-energized by my own story.
So I thought I’d share what I consider the gifts of rejection. The way I figure it, if you don’t put your work in front of others, you won’t even have the opportunity to be rejected.
Rejection means you are trying. (Click to Tweet)
This article by award-winning author and popular speaker Cindy Sproles, “Five Ways to Forge Ahead After Writing Rejection” summarizes the lessons very well but I’ll put my own spin on them.
The Gifts of Rejection:
Rejection is a validation that I was brave enough to expose my writing to another person.
Since I survived this rejection quite well beyond the momentary sting, I know that further rejections will be tolerated and I will move on.
Rejection is an opportunity to do inventory on my writing and look at ways to enhance my story. In this case, I am asking myself, how can I develop a more compelling hook, one that will keep my reader reading beyond the first few pages?
I can and will move beyond the rejection and keep writing.
The awareness that one person’s opinion does not make or break my story gives me permission to stay true to my story while also paying attention to ways my story can be better.
How about you? How have you moved onward from rejection? Has it motivated you to keep writing? Do you have any other gifts of rejection to add to the list?
I’d love to hear from you. Please join in the conversation below~
***
This Week:
Monday, 9/25/17:
September 2017 Newsletter: Updates, Memoir Musings, Max Moments:
“Celebrating the Autumn of Your Life”
If you want to receive these monthly newsletters via your email, please sign up in the right side bar. I’d love to have you along!
Next Week:
Monday, 10/02/17:
“A Year of Community, Courage and Cancer: Interview with Memoirist Antoinette Truglio Martin.”
Antoinette, a breast cancer survivor, is the author of a memoir, Hug Everyone You Know:A Year of Community, Courage and Cancer.
September 18, 2017
Standing in My Truth by Memoirist Nancy Richards
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler with Nancy Richards
“The secret to happiness is freedom… and the secret to freedom is courage.”~Thucydides
Whenever I think of healing and moving forward from a painful life experience, I think of forgiveness as being an essential part of the process. Yet, what happens when you are not ready to forgive?
Please join me in welcoming Memoirist Nancy Richards who will explore the reasons why she decided to not forgive her mother as she began taking her journey toward healing from the childhood abuse she suffered at her hands. She explores this heart wrenching journey in her memoir, Mother, I Don’t Forgive You.
My reviews can be found on Amazon, Goodreads, LibraryThings and Riffle.
Welcome, Nancy!
Memoirist Nancy Richards
Standing in My Truth
Breaking the cycle of abuse is one of the most important undertakings I have attempted in my lifetime. I knew that breaking the cycle would take more than simply forgiving, forgetting, and “getting over it.” Living a new life required healing from my abuse, understanding my mother, our family dynamic and myself, if I wanted a better life for my children and me.
How did she allow it to happen?
Long into adulthood, I was drawn to my mother, craving and searching for her love. Although I often rebelled against her, on a certain level, I accepted my mother’s blame, denial and the minimization of my abuse. Yet, during therapy, I pondered how I would react if someone threw one of my children down a flight of cement stairs. The thought of anyone hurting one of my kids horrified me. How had my mother allowed this to happen to us? Although it was difficult at the time, turning the corner from internalizing blame to accepting my mother’s responsibility freed me from denial. Once freed, I began to speak the truth and to realize I was justifiably angry. I knew I was angry; but, for the first time, I gave myself permission to be angry.
The Shroud of Silence..
I suffered a huge price for standing in the truth. Taking a stand against abuse is not possible without breaking the silence and exposing injustice. Therein lies the biggest obstacle to creating an abuse free family legacy.
My mother did everything within her power to keep me silent. When she finally failed to keep me quiet she resorted to persuasively discrediting me by telling everyone that I was mentally ill, and a trouble-maker trying to ruin her life. Everyone apparently believed her, while I suffocated under the heavy load of blame, and shame, hopelessness and betrayal.
For twenty-five years, since the age of ten, I stood alone in the truth about my family – trying desperately to stop the abuse. The appearance of normalcy and safeguarding the family secret took precedence over everything else. The secret was more important than me, health, happiness, family or relationships.
Had I known the price I would pay, the losses I would incur, and the isolation I would feel for simply telling the truth, I would have thought twice. However, the truth always has a way of coming out – if not in this generation, in the next.
I worried that my family wouldn’t love me if I broke my silence and exposed mom’s abuse, but in the end, I didn’t believe they would all abandon me. I didn’t know that one by one I’d have to choose between my three brothers, my grandmother and the truth. Still, I told the truth.
My life circumstances challenged me by asking:
Will you tell the truth even when your mother retaliates?
Will you continue to tell the truth even when she convinces family and friends that you are “crazy,” that you lie, that the abuse is your fault, or that it is all in the past.
Will you tell the truth when one by one; family members and friends sever their relationships with you?
Will you still stand in the truth when you find yourself standing alone?
***
Societal Expectations to Forgive…
After decades of abuse and finally the heartbreaking estrangement from my entire family, I was left with little more than the societal expectation to forgive. Ouch!
For decades, I had heard from friends, relatives, therapists, and fellow Christians, that I needed to forgive my abusers in order to heal. This advice – and the attempts I made to forgive before I’d learned to exercise personal boundaries – damaged me deeply and left me open to further injury.
I knew there had to be an alternative. I began by reading survivor stories. There were very few during the 1980’s and early 90’s, but for the first time, the validation I received from these stories offered a soothing balm to my injured soul. I was not alone!
In time, I needed more than mutual commiseration. I wanted tips from survivors on how to heal; I needed time to heal, and mostly, I longed for self-preservation, and for permission NOT to forgive.
Searching for My Truth…
I became frustrated with the small availability of survivor stories during that time. The books I found were either the “this is what happened to me,” variety without any blueprint for hope and healing, or the “celebrity” sort of books that irritated me with, “I was abused, but I have forgiven, and now I have a great life,” without showing concrete or realistic reasons/methods for forgiveness or the healing process in between.
I decided to research and write the book I was looking for. A book based on the premise that forgiveness can be premature and wasn’t necessary in order to heal.
I spent weeks at the library looking for books to support my contention that forgiveness wasn’t necessary. After failing to find any examples, I had some modest success when I performed my own psychological research into the possibility of healing without forgiving. The small dose of validation I received that it was okay not to forgive, gave me a huge sense of relief! It also afforded me the freedom necessary to focus solely on myself and what I needed in order to heal.
Over a period of many years, I built a new “family of choice.” Within the protective cocoon of my new family, I was able to walk through the healing process. In the safety of my loving friends and extended family, I shared my story. I expressed my hurt and my anger. With my family of choice, I mourned all my losses, honored my pain and moved forward.
Not Forgiving..
When I finally mustered the courage to buck societal expectations; not to forgive; and to put my own healing and well-being first, I achieved a level of healing that I never thought was possible. My period of NOT forgiving created the space necessary to achieve the greatest emotional growth of my life.
The unintentional by-product of this healing, was – ironically – forgiveness.
Forgiveness is not an event of immediacy. It’s not a bolt of light that brightens the soul and burns the pain to ashes.
Forgiveness is a process; one that we must honor with our own healing timetable.
***
Thank you, Nancy for shedding new light on the role of forgiveness in the healing process, especially as it relates to healing from childhood abuse. Your statement, “My period of NOT forgiving created a space to achieve the greatest emotional growth of my life” is a testament to putting your own healing and well-being first.
***
Book Synopsis:
After the death of her father, and her mother’s immediate remarriage to a sadistic abuser, Nancy Richards lived a life plagued with physical and emotional violence.
The powerlessness, pain, and torment she endured ate her up. But, the ultimate gut-punch came when she finally mustered the courage to break her silence, and her words were met with excuses for her abusers, and the admonition that she must forgive.
“Mother, I Don’t Forgive You” is a true story of terrifying abuse, and the triumph of healing.
Written with raw emotion and inspirational clarity, this page-turner offers help and hope for anyone who has suffered from abuse, or loves someone who has suffered from abuse.
About the Author:
Nancy Richards is an adult survivor of childhood abuse. She is the author of “Mother, I Don’t Forgive You,” (also titled, “Heal and Forgive: Forgiveness in the Face of Abuse,)” “Heal and Forgive II: The Journey from Abuse and Estrangement to Reconciliation” and co-author of “101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life, Volume 2.”
Contact Information:
Amazon Author Page
Website: Mother , I Don’t Forgive You
***
How about you? How do you feel about delaying or not forgiving someone when you’ve been deeply hurt? How does forgiveness factor into your healing?
We’d love to hear from you. Please join in the conversation below~
***
Next Week:
Monday, 9/25/17:
“The Gifts of Rejection”
September 2007 Newsletter: Updates, Memoir Musings and Max Moments:
“Celebrating the Autumn of Your Life”
If you want to receive these monthly updates via email, please sign up on the right side bar. I’d love to have you along!
September 14, 2017
Setting: Its Role in Storytelling by Eric Trant: A WOW Blog Tour
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler with Eric Trant
“An author knows his landscape best; he can stand around, smell the wind, get a feel for his place.”
― Tony Hillerman
Photo Credit: Pixabay Free
Memoir writers know the importance of using fiction techniques to bring their personal stories alive on the page. We can also learn by reading other genres.
I am very pleased to feature Author Eric Trant again in another WOW Blog Tour for his new book, Risen, an Historical Supernatural Thriller. Eric discussed “Bad Reviews: Why We Must Read Them and How to Survive” in a previous WOW Blog Tour for his novel, Steps, a Fantasy Thriller. He will discuss the importance of setting in storytelling.
Welcome back, Eric!
Author Eric Trant
Setting: Its Role in Storytelling
Monkeys and weasels
It’s funny how infrequently I discuss setting with my fellow authors. We touch on world-building, but that is not ~setting~. We discuss descriptions and scenes, but those are not setting. We discuss character arc, plot, active tense and word count, but none of those are setting.
Nope, we monkeys run ’round the mulberry bush chasing our weasel, but we never stop to pull up our socks.
Setting is the spine of your story, the central nerve center connecting the senses to the imagination. (Click to Tweet)
If you pick the wrong setting, you might as well light it up and burn it down, because your story is a lifeless corpse. No blood. No pulse. No throbbing temple, just a gaggle of floating heads with brilliantly described eyes and hair, drifting through a desert landscape of 65,000 words.
Set the stage
See, ~setting~ is the first part of the story that impacts the audience when the show begins. There is this background hum of gossip until the lights dim. An awkward silence as we sip our coffee, then the music thrums out from the walls around us. We sit. We still our tongues. We hold our breath as the music builds and smoke creeps from beneath the curtain. The temperature drops and the curtains part for a ship on the ocean, thunderclaps and lightning, the floor shaking and someone is being tossed from the plank of a battered ship, mast broken with sails flapping, busted rudder hammering amidst a blue midnight sky.
It is the beginning of something. It is the spine tingling. Setting is ~everything~, and we as authors need to show it more respect.
Treat setting as the main character
Suggesting we treat setting as a character is a bit obtuse, but suggesting we treat it as the ~main~ character is downright laughable, right?
Wrong.
Consider our play with the ship in the storm. The reader experiences the pulse of the story, and those vessels in the side of their neck throb in time with the character on the plank, a girl in a torn dress with red eyes glaring.
If you surround the reader with setting, it will engulf them in the story. (Click to Tweet)
Let the setting have its say. Allow the reader to hear the rage of the storm, see how it rends the ship and slaps ocean water over the rails. There is a sensation of anger from our world, and an overbearing darkness at what is about to occur. Not just the girl on the plank, but the entire universe is outraged by her sentencing.
And if we treat setting as a character, by default it becomes the main character (Click to Tweet)
Setting is the only piece of your story that pervades the entire work, every scene, every paragraph. Setting is ever-present and undebatable. It must be addressed, and it demands its due.
Level-up your settings
So, treat setting with due respect. How you accomplish this is up to you, but take time to discuss setting with your fellow authors, with your readers and with your muse. Practice new setting techniques, tickling not only the five physical senses, but digging into intuition, fear, hope and every grain on the beach of emotion.
Read authors who are masters at establishing tone and crafting scenes. Bradbury is a favorite of mine, and classical authors in general. Heck, read THE MARTIAN. Mars was undoubtedly his main character, and Weir focused all his research on the planet and space, and spent very little time divulging the space-guy’s hair color and eyes.
It seems in the modern age of get-er-done, we have rushed into our story without a stage crew, without lighting and sound and props. We one-act it in front of the class and expect their imagination to somehow fill the gaps in our half-pint worlds.
I say level-up. Take your settings to new heights, and you might find readers lining up to follow you.
***
Thank you Eric for highlighting the importance of setting as character in our stories. I appreciate your comment, “if you surround the reader with setting, it will engulf them in your story.”
***
“Risen”
Haunted by visions of a demonic angel and sold into servitude by his father, young Alberto battles to survive the horrors of a nineteenth century Sicilian sulfur mine.
Suffering merciless brutality, Alberto must save not only himself but his deformed older brother, both pawns in their father’s mad plan to overthrow a group of wealthy landowners.
Bound by a death-debt to his hunchback master, Alberto discovers a door the miners call Porta dell’Inferno, the Door to Hell, deep within the sulfur mines. When he learns the demon-angel of his dreams stalks the caverns beyond the door, Alberto realizes a strange fate has lured him and his brother to the gates leading to the underworld.
Now Alberto must face the creature from his visions and rise to become the man his father demands him to be, or remain forever trapped in a hellish world where none escape.
Print Length: 182 Pages
Genre: Historical Supernatural Fiction
Publisher: WiDo Publishing (August 15, 2017)
ASIN: B0746P5MTS
Risen is available in print on Amazon and WiDo Publishing
About the Author:
Eric resides in Dallas, TX with his wife and children, where he writes and manages his own business. His writing combines literary characterization with supernatural elements, all the while engaging the reader’s senses with constant movement and vivid settings. His books are designed to be one-sitters, meaning they can and should be read in one (or a few) sittings, owing to the fast-paced nature of the writing.
You can visit Eric at http://www.EricTrant.com, or see his blog at DiggingWithTheWorms.blogspot.com.
***
How about you? As writers, do you treat setting as character? As readers, how does setting affect you?
We’d love to hear from you. Please join in the conversation below~
***
Next Week:
Monday, 9/18/17:
“Standing in My Truth by Memoirist Nancy Richards”
Nancy is is an adult survivor of childhood abuse. She is the author of Mother, I Don’t Forgive You: A Necessary Alternative to Healing.
***
WOW Blog Tour Dates:
Monday September 4th (today) @ WOW! Women on Writing
Interview & Giveaway
http://muffin.wow-womenonwriting.com/
Tuesday, September 5th @ Choices with Madeline Sharples
Eric Trant writes today’s guest post at Choice “Is a Career in the Arts (writing) Realistic?”. Readers can find out more about Trant and his latest book Risen.
Wednesday, September 6th @ Mari McCarthy’s Create Write Now
“Say YES: Why Taking Chances is Imperative” is today’s topic at Mari McCarthy’s Create Write Now. Hear from author Eric Trant as he examines this important topic and shares more about his latest novel Risen.
http://www.createwritenow.com/journal-writing-blog
Thursday, September 7th @ Writer’s Pay it Forward
Eric Trant pens today’s guest post at Writer’s Pay It Forward. Today’s post is titled: “Breaking In vs. Breaking Out: The Writer’s Career Arc”. Readers and Writers alike won’t want to miss this opportunity to hear from Trant as well as finding out more about his latest novel Risen.
https://writerspayitforward.com/the-team/mc-simon/
Friday, September 8th @ BookWorm
Hear from Anjanette Potter of BookWorm as she reviews Eric Trant’s latest novel Risen – this historical supernatural work of fiction is sure to please readers!
http://bookworm66.wordpress.com/
Friday, September 8th @ Lisa Haselton
Lisa Haselton interviews Eric Trant about his latest novel Risen. You’ll want to learn more about this supernatural tale of fiction as well as the mastermind behind the dynamic writing.
http://lisahaseltonsreviewsandinterviews.blogspot.com/
Tuesday, September 12th @ Bring on Lemons with Tess Fallier
Tess Fallier is today’s guest blogger with a review and her thoughts on Eric Trant’s Risen.Don’t miss this blog stop!
http://bringonlemons.blogspot.com/
Wednesday, September 13th @ Book Santa Fe with Crystal Otto
Reader and book blogger Crystal Otto reviews Eric Trant’s Risen and shares her thoughts with readers at Book Santa Fe.
Thursday, September 14th @ Memoir Writer’s Journey
Eric Trant visits Memoir Writer’s Journey and shares his thoughts with readers of Kathleen Pooler’s engaging blog. Today’s post title is: “Setting: Its Role in Storytelling”. Don’t miss this chance to hear from the talented Eric Trant and find out more about his latest book Risen.
Friday, September 29th @ Coming Down the Mountain
Eric Trant is today’s guest author at Karen Jones Gowen’s blog Coming Down the Mountain. Read Eric’s guest post titled “Luck: Its Role in Success” and find out more about his latest thriller Risen.
http://karenjonesgowen.blogspot.com/
***
September 11, 2017
The Day it All Changed: A 9/11 Reflection
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler
The Day it All Changed: A 9/11 Reflection
I celebrate my sixteenth wedding anniversary this October, six weeks after 9/11. In the sixteen years since that awful day when the surreal became very real—who ever thought a plane would crash into the tallest building in New York City?—I’m still trying to make sense of it all.
That September morning dawned sunny and crisp with the promise of a perfect early autumn day…my favorite. A kaleidoscope of maple trees along the highway on my way to work flaunted their emerging orange and red leaves, as if to say “just wait till I’m fully bedecked in color.”
After parking the car, I settled in my office as I did every day doing the job I loved, a family nurse practitioner in a busy primary care office. I was getting paid to do what I loved doing and on top of that, I was preparing for my wedding to Wayne. What more could I ask for? A feeling of harmony and gratitude swept over me as I walked to the nurse’s station to get my schedule.
Tunes from an easy listening station played in the background…until it stopped around 9:00 a.m. while on my way to my next patient.
“A plane has crashed into the Twin Towers” came across the airway.
We all froze in place then huddled around the front desk, leaning in to listen.
What? Surely this must be a mistake.
Soon after, another announcement left us cold… and scared. What is happening? This is America. How can this be?
“A second plane has hit the Pentagon.”
“A third plan has gone done in a field in Pennsylvania”
Oh my God! Who do I know in New York City? Brian (my son) lives in Connecticut but goes into New York all the time. Who was on those planes? My cousin Robert flies into New York often on business….
As it all unfolded, in slow-motion and shocking, my patients waited for me. Time to keep moving and I started walking, robot-like, down the hall.
When I opened the door, my female patient was sitting on the exam table wringing her hands on her lap and dabbing her tear-filled eyes,
“My nephew, he works at the Twin Towers,” she said, her eyes wide with terror, “for Cantor-Fitzgerald.”
We didn’t know the full extent of the damage at the time and still hung on to hope that he had somehow escaped.
“I’m so sorry,” I said, helpless, “I hope you hear soon.”
What can I say? I feel her terror. We all feel it, the oppressive fear of the unknown.
***
We all walked around for days after zombie-like and confused wondering what was next….
Soon, people waving American flags above their heads started popping up along highways as a spirit of patriotism prevailed.
As time went on, our lives changed with the Iraq war and the legislation that was meant to increase our security placed restrictions on the freedoms we, as a nation, had taken for granted. Deep divisions about how the crisis should be handled dominated the news.
We experienced increased airport security, travel restrictions, terror alerts and an increased sense of hyper-vigilance which all morphed into the nearly daily acts of terror, domestic and global, that flash across our TV screens today.
Have we become desensitized?
Will world peace ever be possible?
It’s our way of life, our new normal, our current reality.
Where do we go from here? How do we teach our children and grandchildren to live in a world with so many uncertainties? How do we cope with the fear of another 9/11 or a nuclear war?
It all changed on September 11, 2001, probably like it all changed for Americans on December 7, 1941 when the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor.
We are Americans. We are more aware of the dangers, constant and real, but we keep living our lives the best we know how. And we don’t take our freedoms for granted. Perhaps we cherish them even more.
***
The wedding of my dreams happened in the aftermath. We all knew the world was different but as I stood on the altar next to Wayne, surrounded by our six children and their spouses, I embraced the beauty around me and the sense of hope that life goes on.
It felt like a miracle.
I often think about my patient and wonder how she is doing.
***
In tribute to the over two-thousand innocent Americans from all walks of life who died on 9/11/2001, may we never forget the price they paid for being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
9/11 Memorial Reflecting Pool at Ground Zero
Photo Credit: Victoria Noe
Collectively, we grieved their loss. Let’s honor their memory by coming together as a nation and standing strong against the evil forces that want to see us fail.
God Bless America!
***
How about you? How do you remember 9/11? How do you think life has changed? How have you moved forward?
I’d love to hear your thoughts. Please share them below and let’s get a conversation going.
***
This Week:
Thursday, 9/14/17:
“Setting: Its Role in Storytelling” A WOW Blog Tour with Eric Trant.
Eric in the author of Risen, an historical supernatural thriller.
Next Week:
Monday, 9/18/17:
“Standing in My Truth by Memoirist Nancy Richards”
Nancy is the author of Mother, I Don’t Forgive You: A Necessary Alternative for Healing”, a gripping memoir about healing from childhood abuse and a unique perspective on the concept of forgiveness in the healing process.
September 4, 2017
When Caregivers Mourn Alone: Healing Through Faith by Sally Perkins
Posted by Kathleen Pooler /@kathypooler with Sally Perkins
“One person caring about another represents life’s greatest value.”
–Jim Rohn
Photo Credit: Eberhard Grossgasteiger “Retirement Home , St Johann, Italy”
As a retired nurse practitioner, I can attest to the emotional impact of dealing with a client’s declining function and death. Of course, the same applies to a beloved family member. The grief is very real and yet often times for health care providers, it is not validated because the person isn’t family.
Please join me in welcoming Sally Perkins who will share some thoughts on senior caregiving and the grief experience.
Sally Perkins is a former Manager of a care home. She learned how demanding and complex caregiving could be. Caregivers need all the help and support they can get.
Now she works as the Content Manager for a small senior care site and created a full resource guide for caregivers. “Senior caregiving is time consuming, resource intensive, and something 34.2 million people in the United States are trying to balance with everything else going on in their lives. Being the primary caregiver for an aging loved one is hard work, and a lot of caregivers are struggling with the burden without knowing where to turn for help.” from Senior Advisor blog.
The resource guide covers 30 essential sources of information and support for all kinds of caregivers. https://www.senioradvisor.com/blog/2017/04/30-resources-to-help-caregivers/.
While Sally’s article is geared to the practicing Christian, the principles of seeking support from your source of meaning and spirituality can apply to anyone.
Welcome, Sally!
When Caregivers Mourn Alone: Healing Through Faith
Photo Credit: Free Stock Image
When an elderly patient dies we automatically acknowledge the grief of the family and friends. What we don’t often acknowledge is the grief of the professional caregiver who has intimately cared for the deceased over a period of time. While family members can turn to each other or bereavement groups for support, the caregiver is often left to mourn in secret. They are often left alone and broken with nothing but their faith as solace.
When Grief and Faith Collides
Indications of grief may include hopelessness, anger, anxiety, denial, guilt, fatigue, conflicting emotions, lack of concentration, lack of interest in people or activities, and feelings of being completely overwhelmed. As a result of this influx of feelings many individuals question their faith in the Lord because of the overwhelming pain they are experiencing. It becomes hard to accept the helping hand that the Heavenly Father is extending to them.
Healing Through Faith
The grief of losing a patient hurts, but it can be the balm that helps one to heal when it is allowed to do its work aptly. The more profound the loss, the more profound the grief will be. Working in a nursing home or assisted living facility can inflict continual loss because the caregivers care for many residents at a time while home care providers often suffer a harder loss because of the strong relationship formed with the patient. It is essential that caregivers reach out for support to help them through difficult times.
The hardest part of grief sometimes lies in the fact that we don’t understand it. But, the following principles can help us through the grieving journey:
Although your grief is painful, you shouldn’t avoid it.
Although the scriptures are filled with instances of grief, we simply cannot always avoid a falter in faith when faced with the passing of a loved one. The process of grieving is not a brief one; rather the pain associated with losing a loved one requires time to heal.
Feeling Sorrow Does Not Indicate an Absence of Faith
It is natural to feel profound sorrow after losing someone who has been in your care for a period of time. Mourning someone’s death is not synonymous with a disbelief in the afterlife or the promises of the Savior.
There is a Price for Loving Someone
Grief is often the price you pay for truly loving someone and this price is worth it. There is yet to be a caregiver that would give up the love they had for a patient in order to avoid the grief after their passing. It is but our faith in the Lord that allows us to believe that our loved ones who passed are never far from us and that we will see them once again in the afterlife.
Grief and the Atonement
Death is as much a part of our existence here on the earth as our daily lives. In our roles as caregivers, we are often faced with a large deal of loss in a short space of time. Jesus bears our grief during these trying times and comforts us through his Holy Spirit. It is through the love of Christ that our broken hearts can once again be mended and that a sense of peace will replace our sorrow.
Some days will be harder than others just like some losses will be greater than others. Death brings us unsurpassable sorrow but one day our joy will be paramount when we are once again reunited with our deceased loved ones. How grateful we should be for our Savior’s sacrifice and the healing power His Atonement brings us in spite of our grief.
***
Author Bio:
Sally Perkins is a professional freelance writer with many years experience across many different areas. She made the move to freelancing from a stressful corporate job and loves the work-life balance it offers her. When not at work, Sally enjoys reading, hiking, spending time with her family and traveling as much as possible.
***
Thank you Sally for sharing your thoughts on how faith can help caregivers through the grieving process. Your resource guide is a valuable tool for both family’s and health care providers. As you say, caregivers need all the help they can get. This is a very personal issue and we all have to find out way through the process. Speaking for myself, faith is a gift and a source of strength especially when faced with a painful loss. Pulling from one’s source of strength, whatever that may be, is an essential part of the healing process.
***
How about you? Have you experienced not having your grief over the loss of someone validated because you weren’t a family member? Did your spirituality/faith or source of strength help you or did it make it more difficult?
We’d love to hear from you. Please join in the conversation below~
***
Next Week:
Monday, 9/11/17:
“The Day It All Changed: A 9/11 Reflection”
August 28, 2017
Back to the City: Lessons From The 2017 Annual Writer’s Digest East Conference
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler
“Believe in yourself. Read.Write. Don’t stop.” ~Author Lisa Scottoline, Keynote Speaker,Writer’s Digest Conference 2017
Back to The City for The Annual Writer’s Digest East Conference
When I began my journey with home peritoneal dialysis in March of 2016, I figured my days of going to the City for the Annual Writer’s Digest Conference were over. I had attended every one from 2012-2015.
Boy, was I wrong. Thankfully.
I hoisted my three suitcases with supplies and equipment and loaded the boxes of solution into the trunk of my daughter’s car and we traveled south into the heart of midtown Manhatten. She handled the midtown chaos quite well, though I’m not sure she wants to go back there any time too soon. After she left to visit a college friend in Brooklyn, I realized the bellhop had loaded her suitcase with my luggage and I called her.
“I’m not coming back until I pick you up on Sunday, Mom.”
Let’s just say we were both off on our own “adventures”.
This country girl is going back to the “city that doesn’t sleep”.
St Patrick’s Cathedral on 5th Avenue
The next three days were spent reconnecting with writer friends and meeting new ones.
Reconnecting with friends, Viki Noe and Porter Anderson-the highlight of the conference. We met in 2011 in Dan Blank’s Author Platform class.
The first thing I noticed was the swarm of writers–close to 1000–who milled around the expansive halls of the Hilton Midtown. Most of the sessions were packed, some with up to 300 in the room. Overall, the venue accommodated the masses very well with the exception of the elevators being slow and, of course, the lines at the Women’s rooms, being very long. But isn’t that usually the case?
The Writer’s Digest Conference delivers a wide variety of educational offerings to choose from–Getting Published, Platform and Promotion, The Business of Being an Author, Genre Studies.
My goal in attending this conference was to hone and solidify my work-in-progress memoir and to explore publishing options.
For every session I attended, there were several others I wanted to attend. The good news is that the recordings of most of the sessions will be available to the attendees.
Highlights:
Pitch Perfect, an orientation to the Pitch Slam session with Paula Munier, Senior Literary Agent and Content Strategist for Talcott Notch Literary Services, LLC:
A pitch slam is likened to “speed dating” , only with agents. You try to hook an agent within the first 90-seconds with your elevator pitch. You then have another 90 seconds where the agent can ask you questions about your story, your platform, your background. A bell rings after three minutes and you are off to your next agent.
She stressed the importance of “reducing word count (of your pitch) and elevating your story by emphasizing its commercial aspect –USP, its “unique selling prospect” How is it unique? What is its emotional impact?
More later on how my pitch went..
Self-Publishing Platforms Panel with representatives from LuLu , Book Baby, Ingramsparks, WiseInk and Pronoun (eBook distribution only).
Each offered something different and indie authors can use more than one at the same time.
Clearly, the publishing industry has opened its arms to the indie author.
Story Trumps Structure
National bestselling novelist Steven James rocked the house with a dynamic presentation about breaking the rules:
Root yourself in story…what lies at the heart of your story? Think about four things: Desire (what does she want?); Setbacks (what keeps her from getting it?); Stakes (what will happen if she doesn’t get it?); Outcome (what will change in her life when she does fulfill her desires?)
Let narrative forces rather than formula drive the story…write organically.
Trust the fluidity of the process
Follow rabbit trails..are you letting the story grow naturally rather than sticking to a preconceived notion of the story?
Deliver what the reader wants and more… compassion for the character and concern for her safety create the worry that draws readers emotionally into a story.
Write yourself in a corner..then brainstorm, free write , research.
Take time to meet your characters…attitude, flaws, habits, values.
Write From the Heart: Crafting and Publishing Powerful Personal Essays
Estelle Erasmus,an award-winning journalist, writing coach and former magazine editor-in-chief of five publications reviewed the elements of powerful personal essays:
Start with a strong beginning. Be provocative, use dialogue, include some form of mental, emotional, physical action.
Create a point you will go back to later
Go deeper and deeper.
Create an arc
Get rid of adverbs, get right into the action
Be your own enemy–be harder on yourself than the person you are writing about.
Create an ending that resonates..leave reader with a takeaway…go back to the point you mentioned in the beginning.
Create a title that transforms (Try Phrase Thesaurus to generate ideas)
Shut Your Monkey: How to Control Your Inner Critic and Get More Writing Done
Danny Gregory has written nearly a dozen internationally best-selling books on art and creativity. He discussed the impact the inner critic has on your life, your work and your happiness then took us through strategies to quiet the voice:
Worries and fears are tools for the negative voice … you are NOT the monkey!
When the monkey is on your back…journal..put dialogue from your head to the page.
Support yourself..be on your own side.
Embrace failure ” I haven’t failed. I just found 10,000 ways that won’t work”.
Be adaptive…risk change vs falling into old patterns.
Embrace limitations. They are an essential part of creativity.
Create a structure for yourself.
Pros “Show up”
The Importance of Being Scenic: Scenes Versus Summary:
Lauren B. Davis, a critically-acclaimed author and creative writing teacher, explored the elements of a scene–complex characters, POV, sense details, dialogue, new plot information, conflict and setting.
A summary cover is relatively long period of time and is useful in giving information, filling in a character’s background, revealing a motive, altering pace, creating a transition and encompassing moments or years.
A scene is a crucial means of allowing your reader to experience the story with the characters through the senses.
It is possible to write a short story in a single scene, without any summary at all. It is not possible to write a successful story entirely in scene.
Revealing Character Through Setting
Laura DiSilverio, the national bestselling author of 17 mystery and suspense novels, and a retired Air Force intelligence officer, shared how to reveal character through setting ,via both the environment the character creates for herself and her reaction to the setting she finds herself in.
Ways to show how character experiences her world:
Environment–use a variety of senses –tactile, visual, auditory, scent.
Economic circumstances
Worldview
Techniques:
Compare and contrast–i.e, character’s public and private responses
Use more than one sense.
Focus on one to two key details.
Use language character would use.
I Hear Voices: The Art and Craft of Distinctive Voices
Heather Webb, historical novelist and editor, shared how to find your distinctive voice:
Go all in..have confidence.
Look at your own emotional self through free writing.
Understanding your character from all angles–traits, hopes, language– is the best way to refine your voice.
Know your own voice and distinguish from your character’s voice.
Listen to speech patterns.
Go light on dialect.
Show state of mood of characters by their physical reactions.
***
Update on my Pitch Slam session:
In a phrase…beyond my expectations.
I met with five agents who were marketing memoir. All five requested queries. Two of the five were very enthusiastic about my story and requested the first 100 pages.
I will submit a query letter and partial manuscript to the two who seemed genuinely interested in my story.
Will he or won’t he accept it?
Now to the main stumbling block–my concern about my son’s response to the story. We had a joyful Mother-Son reunion, attended 5:30 Mass at the beautiful St Patrick’s Cathedral, walked around then enjoyed a delicious dinner at a nice restaurant on 8th avenue.
Over our guacamole and tortilla chips appetizer, we discussed “the” story.
“So, B, what’s your take?”
‘I still need to go through it again. Just a few areas I question.”
“Like what?”
“You said I was 6’2′ and I’m only 6’1″.”
Relief.
“But, I need to know. Are you OK with this story being published?”
“Absolutely,”he said, without hesitation, “I thought you knew that.”
“You’re sure?” I said, wondering if I was missing something.
“Yes, Mom. I know that my past is part of who I am. If it was five years ago, even one year ago, I’d feel differently, but I’m OK with it now. “
It was a pivotal moment when I thought to myself, yes this is a story that must and will be told.
No excuses!
***
How about you? Have you ever attended a writer’s conference and found the answers you’d been looking for?
I’d love to hear from you. Please join in the conversation below~
***
This Week:
Monday, 8/28:
August 2107 Newsletter: Updates, Memoir Musings, Max Moments:
“Transitions: Embracing Change and Moving on”
If you are interested in receiving this monthly newsletter in your inbox, please sign up via email in the right sidebar. I’d love to have you along!
Next Week:
Monday, 9/04/17:
“When Caregivers Mourn Alone: Healing Through Faith by Sally Perkins”
Sally works as the Content Manager for a small senior care site and created a full resource guide for caregivers.
August 24, 2017
Interview with William Kenower, Part 2: Fearless Writing for Memoir Writers
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler with William Kenower/@wdbk
“Everything’s okay even when it looks like everything is not okay.” William Kenower, Fearless Writing
Artwork by Denise Trach www.creatingcadence.com
Welcome back to Part 2 of William Kenower’s interview on Fearless Writing. In Part 1, What is Fearless Writing?,William shared his thoughts on confidence and creativity in the writing process. Today he shares his thoughts about how memoir writers can become fearless writers.
William is the author of Fearless Writing: How to Create Boldly and Write with Confidence. It’s a book I refer to often. My reviews can be found on Amazon, Goodreads, LibraryThing and Riffle.
Welcome back, William!
Author William Kenower
Interview with William Kenower, Part 2: Fearless Writing for Memoir Writers
KP: You talk about “getting back to the story you want to write”, such a simple statement and yet why is it so hard to find that story we love?
WK: To write your story you must love it unconditionally. You must love it simply because you love it, be interested in it simply because your interested in it. You don’t love it because other people might love it, or because your writing group praised it, or because you think it will get published and bring you lots of money and win you a bunch of awards – you love it simply because it feels good to focus your attention on it. Most people live conditionally. We think about outcomes and about what pleases other people.
“Doors” Pixabay Free Image
Your portal to your greatest creative potential is your unconditional love of what interests you. Open that door, and what you most want in your life will flow through it.
KP: I love your ideas about getting in the ”Flow, the place where you allow yourself to be surprised”. So often the story that’s meant to be told reveals itself through the writing. How can we best place ourselves in the path of discovery?
WK: I think it’s good to change our idea about what we’re going to do when we write. I would advise writers to not think about “finding the story” or how many pages they’re going to produce, but instead to look upon their job as simply getting into that flow state, that comfortable, effortless, interesting flow where your best work is possible. That’s what’s worked for me. Once I’m in that flow, the rest takes care of itself. But I have to be deliberate about getting into it. I have to see that flow as my destination, rather than pages or “great writing.”
KP: You mention the three narrative arcs–physical, emotional and intentional– as important parts of storytelling. Can you expand on this?
WK: The physical arc is “what happens” in your story. Boy meets girl; boy loses girl; boy gets girl back. This arc includes every single thing that’s done and said in your story. This is the least important arc. The emotional arc is why everything is done and said, and how your characters change or don’t change. Maybe the boy was insecure and so told the girl a little lie so she would go out with him. And maybe the girl was insecure too and let herself be impressed with the boy. And then she dumps him when she learns the truth. And then eventually the boy confesses that he just thought she was awesome and wouldn’t be interested in an Average Joe like him and would she give it another try and she says yes.
The intentional arc is why the story is told. This is the most important arc. The above story would be about self-acceptance. But really, it’s about the difference between self-rejection and self-acceptance. When you’re looking for your story’s intentional arc, think about the ending. What’s the gift you’re trying to give your reader at the end? If it’s about strength, think about the difference between feeling weak and feeling strong. If it’s about finding your voice, think about the difference between believing you have nothing to offer and knowing that you have much to offer.
Your readers will remember almost nothing about your story except its intentional arc, how you left them feeling when they closed the book.
KP: Your subtitle is “How to Create Boldly and Write with Confidence”. How do you define confidence?
WK: Confidence is accepting your inherent self-worth. It is not a product of craft or really even experience, although experience is often what teaches us that we were born worthy of telling any story we want to tell. When you rest in your confidence it will be the most natural thing your can possibly do. At first, it will feel strange and new and maybe thrilling, but that is only because you are used to the discomfort of thinking you are not worthy. Soon you get used to your inherent self-worth, and then people will start saying, “You’re so confident!” and you will think, “It’s not actually that big a deal.”
KP: For those of us writing memoir, we have to delve into painful memories which involves being vulnerable. I believe writing from our hearts is where we can connect with others. How can memoir writers become fearless writers?
WK: Here’s the big lesson I believe every memoirist has to learn. That character on the page – the one with your name who’s doing these things you once did – does not love everything that is happening to her. She’ll complain and fret and be miserable and scared and hurt – as well joyous, and relieved, and grateful. She does not love every moment equally.
But you, the Author, must love every moment equally, for you are telling the story. The story contains a gift you want to share with your reader. The only way to share that gift is to tell the whole story, what your Character calls good and bad. All of it is necessary and important and valuable. When you can fully understand the difference between yourself and your character, when you can view everything that happened as valuable and necessary, you will both be able to tell the story as it was meant to be told and in all likelihood heal whatever wounds you believe you suffered in your painful past.
KP: Any further thoughts you’d like to share about becoming a fearless writer?
WK: It’s a practice. It’s not a point on a grid. If you can look upon it as finding your balance on a balance beam, understand that some days you will fall and some days you’ll stay on it, you will avoid the trap of fearing failure.
There is no failure. There’s only lifelong learning to find your inherent fearlessness.
Artwork by Denise Trach at www.creatingcadence.com
***
Author Bio:
William Kenower is the author of Fearless Writing: How to Create Boldly and Write With Confidence, and Write Within Yourself: An Author’s Companion, the Editor-in-Chief of Author magazine, and a sought-after speaker and teacher. In addition to his books he’s been published in The New York Times and Edible Seattle, and has been a featured blogger for the Huffington Post. His video interviews with hundreds of writers from Nora Ephron, to Amy Tan, to William Gibson are widely considered the best of their kind on the Internet. He also hosts the online radio program Author2Author where every week he and a different guest discuss the books we write and the lives we lead.
Book Synopsis:
Whether you’re a fledgling writer or a veteran with years of experience, fearlessness–that elusive blend of self-acceptance, confidence, and curiosity–is the defining quality of those who find fulfillment and success. Truly fearless authors banish writer’s blocks with ease, receive critiques gracefully, and infuse their passion for the craft into every word they write.
Filled with insightful wisdom and practical advice, Fearless Writing teaches you how to thrive as a writer, no matter your genre or career path. You’ll learn how to:
Find and enter a Flow state in which writing is a natural, deeply satisfying process.
Quiet both internal and external critics and embrace the inherent value in your work.
Use love, emotional engagement, and curiosity as the guiding principles for what you write and how you share it with others.
Overcome rejection, procrastination, and other obstacles that stifle your creativity.
From the blank page to the first draft, and from querying to marketing, the writing life is filled with challenges, roadblocks, and new experiences. With Fearless Writing, you’ll find the inner strength to embark on a bold journey–and build a lifelong career in the process.
***
Thank you William for putting a new, refreshing spin on the writing process. After reading your book, I approach my writing in a new way, especially the idea of writing the story I love and not letting the reactions of others decide what my story will be. Priceless!
***
How about you? If you are a memoir writer, are you fearless? If not, what will help you become fearless in writing the story you love?
We’d love to hear from you. Please join in the conversation below~
***
Next Week:
Monday, 8/28/17:
“Back to The City: Lessons From The 2017 Annual Writer’s Digest Conference”
August 2107 Newsletter: Updates, Memoir Musings and Max Moments:
“Transitions”
If you want to receive this monthly newsletter in your inbox, please sign up in the right side bar. I’d love to have you along!
August 21, 2017
Interview with William Kenower, Part 1: What is Fearless Writing?
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler with William Kenower/@wdbk
” You will find your confidence and begin writing fearlessly the moment you stop caring about what anyone else thinks.” William Kenower, Fearless Writing
Photo Credit: Pixabay Free Image
I was so moved by William Kenower’s book, Fearless Writing that as soon as I closed the cover, I emailed him to be my guest. And lucky for us, he responded right away. William is the author of several highly reviewed books. He also hosts a weekly online radio program called Author2Author where he interview writers and is the Editor-in-Chief at of Author Magazine.
My reviews of Fearless Writing can be found on Amazon, Goodreads, LibraryThing and Riffle.
Welcome, William!
Author William Kenower
Interview with William Kenower, Part 1: What is Fearless Writing?
KP: Fearless Writing Is not your typical how-to write book. In my opinion it stands out as a unique and refreshing contribution to the writing world. Can you share what inspired you to write this book and what you hope to convey through it?
WK: You’re correct; it is not a how-to-write-book. It is a how-to-get-into-the-frame-of-mind-where-writing-is-possible book. I wrote it because I learned at a pretty young age how to write. And yet I had no publishing success whatsoever until I learned about the many emotional challenges of writing. As a writer, I must learn how to rest in my inherent confidence every time I sit down to write. When I’m in that confidence, things go well. When I’m out of it, things do not go well at all. The book is meant to serve as a guide for how to stay in that inherent confidence, to find it on purpose, rather than accidentally.
KP: It’s no secret that writing is hard work. The statement that stands out to me is “what will others think of my work?” This seems to be a common concern for writers. You address this is the book but I wonder if you could summarize some key points about how a writer can get over that need to please others at the expense of their own creativity?
WK: Here’s a secret: You don’t actually care what anyone thinks of what you write. I know you think you do, but the fact is what you love to write has got nothing to do with whether anyone else will be interested in it. And the best writing you will ever do begins the moment you forget to care what anyone will think of what you’ve written. Forgetting to care what people will think of what you’ve written is what allows you to slip into The Flow, that dreamlike state where you forget about the world around you and become immersed in the world you’re writing about.
The way you get over caring about what other people think about your work is through practice. And it’s a lifelong practice, by the way – but that’s okay. The first step is to realize that we’ve all been trained to believe what other people think of our work is very, very important. Bit by bit, day by day, you will get better at ignoring the question: “I wonder what people will think of this?” It’s a useless question, but again, you must practice ignore it. It’s so very tempting to ask it.
The last piece of advice I would offer is pay attention to how feel when you ask this useless question. You won’t feel good. You won’t feel confident or relaxed or curious. You’ll be worried, because you can’t possibly know the answer. Then notice how good you feel when you forget to care, when you slip into The Flow. That difference should be all you need for your practice. You’re doing it right when you feel good.
KP: You mention that “creativity is the intersection between imagination and curiosity” and introduce the concept of “creative discomfort”. Can you talk a little more about this?
WK: First, it is helpful to think of creativity as the intersection of curiosity and imagination because it reminds me that my job is to have good question and not to know all the answers. My job as a writer is to ask, “What interests me most?” or, “What should happen next in this story?” or, “What’s the best image for this poem?” My imagination – or my muse, or Source Energy, or God, or whatever you like – is what provides the answers. When I believe I am wholly responsible for both the question and the answer writing feels impossible. When I need only have the question, it becomes much simpler.
Creative discomfort is part of our guidance system. The only way to know what I like is if I also know what I don’t like. The only way to know if I’ve found the right word, or the right sentence, or the right story – or the right job, lover, or city for that matter – is to notice the difference between the effortlessness of the right choice, and the effort of the wrong choice. The discomfort that comes when we make a choice that is out of alignment with who we are is meant not to punish us, but to guide us back to the right choice. The moment I understood that that discomfort was a part of my creative guidance I know longer dreaded it but instead learned to use it.
***
This video is well-worth the 12 minutes to takes to listen to it. Enjoy!
***
Author Bio:
William Kenower is the author of Fearless Writing: How to Create Boldly and Write With Confidence, and Write Within Yourself: An Author’s Companion, the Editor-in-Chief of Author magazine, and a sought-after speaker and teacher. In addition to his books he’s been published in The New York Times and Edible Seattle, and has been a featured blogger for the Huffington Post. His video interviews with hundreds of writers from Nora Ephron, to Amy Tan, to William Gibson are widely considered the best of their kind on the Internet. He also hosts the online radio program Author2Author where every week he and a different guest discuss the books we write and the lives we lead.
Book Synopsis:
Whether you’re a fledgling writer or a veteran with years of experience, fearlessness–that elusive blend of self-acceptance, confidence, and curiosity–is the defining quality of those who find fulfillment and success. Truly fearless authors banish writer’s blocks with ease, receive critiques gracefully, and infuse their passion for the craft into every word they write.
Filled with insightful wisdom and practical advice, Fearless Writing teaches you how to thrive as a writer, no matter your genre or career path. You’ll learn how to:
Find and enter a Flow state in which writing is a natural, deeply satisfying process.
Quiet both internal and external critics and embrace the inherent value in your work.
Use love, emotional engagement, and curiosity as the guiding principles for what you write and how you share it with others.
Overcome rejection, procrastination, and other obstacles that stifle your creativity.
From the blank page to the first draft, and from querying to marketing, the writing life is filled with challenges, roadblocks, and new experiences. With Fearless Writing, you’ll find the inner strength to embark on a bold journey–and build a lifelong career in the process.
***
Thank you, William for sharing your passion and expertise about fearless writing. It makes so much sense and yet does require a conscious effort and practice. Now that I know what fearless writing means, I’m looking forward to Part 2, where you will explore fearless writing for memoir writers.
***
How about you? Are you a fearless writer? What did it take to get there?
We’d love to hear from you. Please leave join in the conversation below~
***
This Week:
Thursday, 8/24/17:
“Interview with William Kenower, Part 2: Fearless Writing For Memoir Writers”
Next Week:
Monday, 8/28/17:
” Back to The City: Lessons From WDC17″
August 2107 Newsletter: Updates, Memoir Musings, Max Moments.
If you want to receive this monthly newsletter in your inbox, please sign up in the right side bar. I’d love to have you along!
August 18, 2017
Why Write a Book Such As My Eye Fell Into the Soup by Denis Ledoux
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler with Denis Ledoux/@DenisLedoux
“Let the world burn through you. Throw the prism light, white hot, on paper.”
—Ray Bradbury, WD
“I regret to inform you that your pain is due to cancer,” said the doctor.
“Can there be an announcement more chilling than being told you have stage four intraductal breast cancer? Hard to imagine. ” (from Denis Ledoux’s Amazon page)
It is my pleasure to welcome Denis Ledoux back for this post on his latest book, My Eye Fell Into the Soup, a poignant and raw story of one couple’s journey through the wife’s breast cancer told through the wife’s journal entries and the author’s responses. My reviews can be found on Amazon, Goodreads, LibraryThing and Riffle.
Memoir writers often feel a burden to share the stories of their hearts, the ones that provoke deep pain and sadness. Denis explains why he felt the need to share such a difficult story.
Welcome back, Denis!
Memoir Author Denis Ledoux
Why Write a Book Such as My Eye Fell Into the Soup?
My Eye Fell Into the Soup remains a problematic memoir.
Why write a book such as My Eye Fell Into the Soup which is a highly private account of one woman’s cancer journey and one man’s accompaniment of her?
Frankly, it is a sad book that was not easy to write and it has proven to be a sad book for advanced reviewers. Some reviewers have told me how difficult it was for them to read the story because they were so touched by its tragic side.
So…why write this book?
I wrote this book because I wanted to give witness to an experience that has proven to be one that too many people have lived and one also that many people could not articulate as well as I knew I could. I am a memoirist after all—a person who has written his own books and who has co-authored dozens for clients.
Like Anaïs Nin who wrote in her famous journals, “I needed to live but I also needed to record what I had lived,” I too felt that impulse to record my experience—to corroborate for myself that I had lived this difficult time and to witness for others who will experience a cancer journey. The years I wrote about were frankly searing, but I had the urge to bear witness to them—perhaps in ways that people who were in Nazi concentration camps needed to leave a testimony.
What I didn’t write about!
There were many details that were too private for me to include. In every couple, there are confidences shared in intimacy, and these have to remain between the people involved. While she has been gone many years now, I still feel we are in relationship and I am committed to respecting that relationship.
In every couple also, stresses and strains make their appearances on a regular basis. Whether there is cancer or not, the little devils come. While an easy case can be made for including these details as a real part of the experience, I felt divulging some of them would constitute an invasion of Martha’s privacy. I was unwilling to do so.
Many details were ultimately irrelevant
In this category of irrelevant details, I would highlight the financing of cancer care. The hours spent on the phone assuring that the proper procedures were in force and that we would not be met with surprises. Again, an easy case can be made for including these details as being clearly stressors in an already stressful time. But, there was so much else to include that these mundane details seemed to be space hogs. I was already into a 250-page book. How much longer did I want this book to be? How much longer would the reader tolerate?
I face writing the next book
The next book in the series is about Martha’s last year and eventual death. I both know that it will teach me a lot about her, us, me and it will be a difficult write.
I am not looking forward to the composition of this sequel—although I have about a quarter of it already written. Meanwhile…
I am launching My Eye Fell Into the Soup into the world.
A note about the unusual title
It is drawn from the title of an encaustic painting Martha executed from a dream. In the dream her eye fell into a cauldron of soup. She came to realize that the eye was her intuition that should have informed her about her cancer, but it had fallen into the soup cauldron of her life
Author Bio:
Denis Ledoux’s flagship book, Turning Memories Into Memoirs / A Handbook for Writing Lifestories [available both in e- and hard copy;], has been joined on Amazon by a number of other books. In the summer of 2017, he published the e- and the hard copy of My Eye Fell Into The Soup / A Journal Memoir of Living with Stage 4 Cancer. It is drawn both from his wife’s journals and his own. My Eye Fell Into The Soup is the third in a series of five memoirs focused on his wife. The first in the series, The Nice-Nice Club Holds Its Last Meeting, is available free on Amazon. The story of her youth is called A Sugary Frosting .
To access the most current catalog of his writing books, his memoirs, and other titles, visit his memoir network store. To read over 500 free articles on memoir writing, go to The Memoir Network Blog. Among them are Don’t Let Writer’s Block Stop You, Start Your Memoir Right and the free Memoir Writing 101.
Book Synopsis:
My Eye Fell Into The Soup, a poignant book about living with stage four intraductal breast cancer, offers a glimpse into a time when the disease began to loom larger every day. It was a time in a couple’s life that was difficult to live.
This memoir, via journal entries written as events unfolded, takes us through the process of coming to terms with the diagnosis and the struggle to survive and finally to adapt.
Especially poignant is its glimpse in the life of a happy couple, much in love after three decades, facing the end of their lives together. My Eye Fell Into The Soup, a phrase derived from a dream written in Martha Blowen’s journals, is a story of courage and of the deep plunge into the psyche when “real life” happens unexpectedly.
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Thank you, Denis, for sharing your difficult journey through Martha’s cancer and for shedding a light on how a cancer diagnosis impacts a couple. I admire your courage in getting your story out there through Martha’s journal entries and your responses so that others can be guided through the process and know they are not alone.
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How about you? How do you feel about sharing a painful journey?
We’d love to hear from you. Please join in the conversation below~
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Next Week:
Monday, 8/21/17:
“Interview with William Kenower,Part 1 : What is Fearless Writing?”
Thursday, 8/24/17:
“Interview with William Kenower, Part 2: Fearless Writing for Memoir Writers”
William (Bill) Kenower is the author of Fearless Writing: How to Create Boldly and Write with Confidence. He is Editor-in-Chief at Author Magazine and interviews writers and authors on his online radio program, Author2Author.
