Kathleen Pooler's Blog, page 23

Finding an Authentic Voice in Memoir: A Memoir Moment

Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler

 

“What happened to the writer is not what matters; what matters is the large sense that the writer is able to make of what happened.” Vivian Gornack, The Situation and the Story: The Art of the Personal Narrative.

Photo Credit: Pixabay Free Image

 

 Finding an Authentic Voice in Memoir: A Memoir Moment

How often has an author’s voice captivated you more than the events in the story? What about that voice is compelling? And how can I, as a writer find a voice that fits the story I have to tell?

While the events in the story may be important, the author’s voice is what keeps me caring about the character enough to want to keep turning the pages.

 

Is it believable? Relatable? Authentic? Does the author make me care about what happens next? If I am invited into the author’s world, can I trust that it will be a worthwhile journey?

These are all questions I ask myself whenever I embark on a new writing project.

When we share our stories, we bring our experiences to life.

 

Using our authentic voice is how we enhance our stories to engage the reader.  Click to Tweet

For example, I just finished Penelope James’ memoir, Getting Rid of Ian: A Memoir of Poison, Pills and Mortal Sin…in two sittings, staying up way past my bedtime because I was so mesmerized by the narrator’s voice that I couldn’t turn the pages fast enough. Though the underlying story was compelling, it was the voice that created the suspense and passion of the story.

Finding that right voice for the story…

Photo Credit: dreamstimefree

But, sometimes, our voice gets stymied and goes into hiding.

 

As I have shared on more than one occasion, I am struggling with my work-in-progress memoir about being the mother of an addicted son. Not because of the story but because it involves my children, particularly my adult son. It’s about the impact his addiction had on me as his mother and on his sister.  And, in reality, it’s not so much about him as it is about the lessons I learned from him.

I’m plowing my way through the process, knowing that it can’t be rushed while also believing it is an important story to tell.

***

I wrote this reflection in Author, Artist, Activist Jan Phillips‘ workshop , “When a Woman Writes: Opening Our Eyes, Ears and Hearts to the Power of Our Words”at the recent IWWG conference in response to the prompt,

Note to Self…

Voice, where are you? Hidden in the deep recesses of my soul?

I need you to come out and play with me. Without reservation, without fear, without shame.

With confidence in all you are and can be IF you’ll give yourself a chance.

I can’t know you if I can’t find you.

I can’t nurture you if you stay so hidden.

What are you afraid of?

How can I help you find your way into the light?

I need you, I love you .

Help me find you.

Then in Writing Teacher and Author Lisa Freedman‘s workshop, “What Kind of Fools (or Shamans) are We?” the next day, I wrote this in response to selecting the following words from a grab bag of tiles with these words on them: “Moon, Scream, Bitter, Midnight.”

  It’s time!

No more excuses. I have a voice and I must use it, not just for myself but for others who need to hear my words.

  The story is yet to be told because I am reluctant to go there. I mean really go there.

  Trudge through the woods at midnight and scream at the moon. Fill the cool night air with hot, bitter words. Let them rise up to vaporize into ashes that scatter and blow away.

  Set yourself free of the burden of hanging on.

  Break open.

Photo Credit: Flickr Creative Commons

***

 The reality is until my son who is currently reading the manuscript accepts the story, I am on hold. I wrote my truth but I know there’s more … I know need to keep digging deeper.

Even though it is my story, it is about him and my daughter and I have to be respectful of their feelings and their voices.

I am hopeful that they will see the value of sharing our story to help others. My son is not the same person today as he was all those awful years ago. Of course, neither am I nor is my daughter. I am in awe knowing what we have overcome and how we have all grown. He has turned his life around–one day at a time– and in turn affected us. My daughter remains open to the story.

If, in the end, I feel I cannot publish the story because of the sensitivities related to my children, I will have the satisfaction of knowing that I wrote my truth to the best of my ability.

It’s still a work-in-progress, Perhaps it will take on a different form or maybe I’ll write it just for us though I am hopeful it will be the right story and I will publish it for the right reason.

Time will tell.

In the meantime, I am certain that I will honor my truth one way or the other and I will find a way for my voice to be heard.

Photo credit: JohnWiskind.com

***

I’ll be attending The Writer’s Digest Annual Conference in New York City this week with the goal of honing in on the vision and theme of my story. The Pitch Slam is a great opportunity to practice my pitch in front of agents. I will also see my son and hear his response. Stay tuned for lessons learned on 8/28/17.

***

 

How about you? What do you do when you feel your voice is hiding? How do you find your authentic voice and “break open”?

 

I’d love to hear from you. Please join in the conversation below~

 

***

 

This Week:

 

Thursday, 8/18/17:

“Why Write a Book Such as My Eye Fell Into The Soup? By Denis Ledoux”

Denis is the founder of The Memoir Network and has written a series of books about his wife Martha, who died of breast cancer. My Eye Fell Into The Soup is his latest story about his wife’s breast cancer diagnosis and includes her journal entries and his responses.

Next Week:

Monday, 8/21/17:

“Interview with William Kenower,Part 1 : What is Fearless Writing?”

Thursday, 8/24/17:

“Interview with William Kenower, Part 2: Fearless Writing for Memoir Writers”

William (Bill) Kenower is the author of Fearless Writing: How to Create Boldly and Write with Confidence. He is Editor-in-Chief at Author Magazine and interviews writers and authors on his online radio program, Author2Author.

Flash Memoir: Writing Prompts to Get You Flashing by Jane Hertenstein

Posted by Kathleen Pooler /@kathypooler with Jane Hertenstein

“Our memory is a more perfect world than the universe: it gives back life to those who no longer exist.” 

― Guy de Maupassant

 

I am very pleased to introduce you to Author Jane Hertenstein. Jane  teaches memoir writing, leads a critique group, and volunteers at a homeless shelter where she facilitates a creative writing workshop for the women residents.

Her blog, Memoirous, is about memories. Her main concern is about “helping people put black on white, ink on paper. The rest—we can sort out later.” (from her website)

Jane is also the author of 70 published stories. Her latest book, Flash Memoir: Writing Prompts to Get You Flashing, and the role memory plays in writing are featured today.

Welcome, Jane!

Author Jane Hertenstein

 

Flash Memoir: Writing Prompts to Get You Flashing

 

What sparks memory? Something as simple as a whiff of lilac can summon up a scene from our past. That one memory may lead to others, setting off a cascade until suddenly we are lost. Remembering can be a type of daydreaming—or for others self-torture from which they can never escape.

Thank God there are limits to memory.

With long-term memory we are able to reach back to a pool of memories. Be they collective or individual, there are things we simply know. Some of us, mostly husbands, are afflicted with short-term memory, the ability to hold a certain amount of information for only a short time. Whether long or short, many of us contrive to retain a to-do list or study for tests or to order flowers for a special birthday. This is working memory.

Yet what about those memories which come to us unbidden, at the most inconvenient times, random, without logic? I call this flashing. Synapses set in motion or triggered by seemingly unrelated external prompts.

The five senses are some of the strongest agitators of memory. Recall Proust in In Search of Lost Time or also known as Remembrance of Things Past where he writes about involuntary memory instigated by a simple cookie. Dunking a tea biscuit can easily lead one on a journey into the past. Some call this nostalgia or déjà vu. Sometimes memories are aroused by conversation with another or with relatives around a table at Christmas time.

One thing is sure: We often have no control over what we remember or forget. Because of trauma some memories are suppressed or hidden until awoken by similar tragedy or uncovered by psychoanalysis.

Which leads us to false and true memories. Always our memories will be challenged by objective reality, by others. My sister will remember the exact same event much differently than me. Her perspective can accommodate or lend another aspect to the event, or run completely counter. I am not a psychologist or neurologist, able to point out which lobes or parts of the brain are in charge of what, though I know the hippocampus is thought to be the center of memory—and emotion. Much of what we remember is emotionally charged. Anne Sexton is quoted as saying: “It doesn’t matter who my father was; it matters who I remember he was.”

Sometimes this is all we have, and we must begin there.

Word counts vary, but generally flash is thought to be 1,000 words or less. Some journals in their submission guidelines can be very specific. Smokelong for instance asks for flash that can easily be consumed in the amount of time it takes to finish a cigarette. Flash as a form can be applied to almost any genre. There are flash mysteries. Postcard flash might only be about travel—you are limited to the amount of space typically taken up by the back of a postcard. Flash foodies write very small about . . . FOOD.

I write flash memoir.

In my new eBook Flash Memoir: Writing Prompts to Get You Flashing I offer over 90 pages of prompts and examples along with other resources to get the memoirist remembering. And, not just that, but writing. Using a process I call Write Right Now, I encourage readers to do just this: build a portfolio of small flash memories that will eventually be expanded upon or become the foundation for a scene. Memories are the building blocks to most everything we write.

For some of us sitting down to transcribe or pen a memoir can be an overwhelming task. I recommend approaching it in bite-size pieces or rather applying flash. By freeze framing a moment, a memory, like a camera snapshot, and dwelling there you are creating the foundation for longer memoir, a jumping off place to expand upon later. (see my other eBook, Freeze Frame: How to Write Flash Memoir)

The nice thing about flash is that it can be unresolved. There often isn’t enough space/word count to fully explore the memory. And, like so many of our memories, there is an undercurrent of lose threads, fuzzy blurred beginnings and endings with little or no significance. They simply are.

So write right now. Why not attempt a sketch, your impressions. Compose an impressionistic scene, a loose rendition of a recent experience or memory. The essence of the ordinary, though humble, reveals an extraordinary life. One built upon sublime moments that may add up to an epic memoir. If only you begin.

Write right now.

  Sit down and recall all the places you’ve ever lived. There will likely be more than one anecdote produced from each place, record them. By brainstorming you stay in the moment. Later you can go back and fill in the blanks.

I have vague memories of falling into a ditch filled with water and my mother fishing me out. Or was it the story I heard her tell so often. “Janie fell into a culvert and one of the neighbor kids came and got me. I imagine Mom running like hell, hoping I’m still alive, only to pull me out and spank me and then hold me tight. We moved several times, so I had a plethora of memories from which to draw.

Sample Vignette:

  I wrote about a specific memory and then realized I could cut it, whereupon I submitted it as a 50-word vignette. Here from 50-Word Stories:

Centerville, Ohio

I was a childhood insomniac. Sometimes in the middle of the night, the quietest hour before dawn, I’d slip out of my bed and drop out the window to the spongy dew-grass—and under the wan light of the moon I’d twirl, my night dress lifting like a gypsy dancer.

***

Author Bio:

Jane Hertenstein is the author of close to 70 published stories, a combination of fiction, creative non-fiction, and blurred genre both micro and macro. In addition she has published a YA novel, Beyond Paradise and a non-fiction project, Orphan Girl: The Memoir of a Chicago Bag Lady, which garnered national reviews. Jane is a 2-time recipient of a grant from the Illinois Arts Council. She also is in demand as a seminar teacher for Flash Memoir. Her work has appeared or is forthcoming in: Hunger Mountain, Rosebud, Word Riot, Flashquake, Fiction Fix, Frostwriting, and several themed anthologies. She lives in Chicago where she facilitates a “happening” critique group.

Jane can be found at http//memoirouswrite.blogspot.com.

Amazon Author Page.

Book Synopsis:

We begin with a sudden memory, follow it to see where it leads. Yet so many of us tend to ignore these flashes. We think later yet later on we might have forgotten or lost the relevance of the moment, the urgency that led us there. I recommend a process I call write right now. In the amount of time it takes you to brush your teeth, you can jot down the memory and an outline which can be filled in later. The prompts in this book are designed to spur memories, to get you writing. I’ll also direct you to resources, authors to read and study, and places to submit.

 

Amazon buy link

 

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Thank you, Jane for sharing how “memories are the building block for everything we write” and for encouraging us to “write right now”. The idea that these vignettes can lead to a larger work makes the task of memoir writing seem more manageable.

***

How about you? How do you recapture your memories when you write?

We’d love to hear from you. Please join in the conversation!

***

Next Week:

Monday, 8/14/17:

“Why Voice is So Important in Memoir”

Thursday, 8/18/17:

“Why Write a Book Such as My Eye Fell Into The Soup? by Denis Ledoux

Denis is the founder of The Memoir Network and has written a series of books about his wife Martha, who died of breast cancer. My Eye Fell Into The Soup is his latest story about his wife’s breast cancer diagnosis and includes her journal entries and his responses.

Lessons From The Garden: A Memoir Moment

Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler

 

 

Lessons From The Garden: A Memoir Moment

I recently returned from the IWWG Summer Conference filled with inspiration to write. But when I returned home, I felt stymied and exhausted.

I know that fire is still inside me but how can I nurture it back to life?

The string of warm, sunny days lured me to our summer fields where my husband Wayne maintains a scaled down quarter–acre garden of vegetables– green beans, eggplant, cucumbers, assorted greens, tomatoes, squash, onions, potatoes and garlic.

 

He used to farm a four-acre garden and take the produce to the Farmer’s Market. The remnants of this bohemian project still provide us with homegrown nutrition and joy.

 

 

These summer fields and all they bear are the fruits of my husband’s loving labor. The garden symbolizes the cycle of life; the beauty of new birth; and the dignity of death. In connecting with nature , I connect with myself.

The garden is a teacher and a healer.

 

It is here where I soak up its life and writing lessons:

1.Nature’s rhythm cannot be controlled. A plant will flourish when it is ready:

I cannot change the passage of time or alter circumstances beyond my control, but I can learn to go with the flow of my life and my writing by tuning into my own needs. In this case, I need to step away from the pressure to produce and simply be in the present.

2.A plant can grow despite the weeds. Take these green peppers, all huddled together amid the weeds to gain strength from the elements.

In my life the “weeds” are my own self-doubts, my inner critic, times when I don’t tune in to my own needs. Like the green peppers, I seek support from others. Together we are stronger.

3.When all seems lost, a little TLC can bring a dying plant back to life.

Sometimes, we are depleted by lack of attention to our needs, so busy doing “things” we forget to take care of ourselves. It doesn’t take much–a little sunshine and water –to bring us back to life.

These pansies had been inside and were not producing flowers, probably because I’d forget to water them:

Look what happened when I brought them outside and watered them daily:

Look at those precious faces smiling and announcing their beauty to the world. Amazing what a little TLC can do.

4. Plants grow and ripen in their own time.

We are all in various stages of growing and ripening in our lives. We cannot hurry the process. Let things happen in their own time. Early and late bloomers keep the cycle going.

Look at these tomatoes on the vine. They will each have their turn to be picked:

Sungold tomatoes are nature’s candy.

 

5. A compost pile can yield many treasures.

This compost pile represents years of discarded garden remnants–garbage– but look at the pumpkin patch it has nurtured! There are also yellow squash and onions sprouting.

 

As Natalie Goldberg says in Writing Down the Bones,Freeing the Writer Within,  “our bodies are garbage heaps: we collect experience, and from the decomposition of the thrown out eggshells, spinach leaves, coffee grinds and old steak bones of our minds come nitrogen, heat and very fertile soil. Out of this fertile soil bloom our poems and stories.” (p.15)

6. By connecting with the garden and nature–the soil, the sun, the rain–we are connecting and nurturing our own cycle of life. 

The butterfly and bumble bee know where to go for nourishment and joy:

 

And so do I.

***

How about you?  Where do you go when your soul needs nourishment? What lessons have you learned from stepping out into nature and roaming the gardens in your life?

I’d love to hear from you. Please join in the conversation below~

***

This Week:

Monday, 7/31/17:

July 2017 Newsletter: Updates, Memoir Musings and Max Moments”

“Let Freedom Ring”

If you are interested in receiving this monthly newsletter in your inbox, please add your email to the subscriber list in the right side bar. I’d love to have you along!

Next Week:

Monday, 8/04/17:

“Flash Memoir: Writing Prompts to Get You Flashing by Jane Hertenstein”

Jane is the author of close to 70 published stories, a combination of fiction, creative non-fiction, and blurred genre both micro and macro, including  Freeze Frame: How to Write Flash Memoir. and her most recent, Flash Memoir: Writing Prompts to Get You Flashing. 

Choosing to Use a Pseudonym for My Memoir by Meg McGuire

Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler

“Your real name is a mortal name. Now you need one that is immortal, the one that takes the high stage and plays above the rest. You can’t be immortal and mortal at the same time.” 

― Keith Buckley, Scale: A Novel 

Fraught with liabilities due to the sensitivities of other people, choosing to publish a memoir that exposes details about other people is an issue that memoirists have to grapple with. I’m very pleased to feature Memoirist Meg McGuire–not her real name– in this post about why she decided to use a pseudonym for her memoir. She’ll take us through her own personal journey and share with us why and how she made the decision to publish under a pseudonym.

Meg is the author of Blinded by Hope : A Mother’s Journey Through Her Son’s Bipolar Illness and Addiction.

My reviews can be found on Amazon, Goodreads, LibraryThing and Riffle.

  Book Synopsis:

Blinded by Hope describes what it’s like to have an unusually bright, creative child―and then to have that child suddenly be hit with an illness that defies description and cure. Over the years, McGuire attributes her son’s lost jobs, broken relationships, legal troubles, and periodic hospitalizations to the manic phase of his illness, denying the severity of his growing drug use―but ultimately, she has to face her own addiction to rescuing him, and to forge a path for herself toward acceptance, resilience, and love. A wakeup call about the epidemic of mental illness, substance abuse, and mass incarceration in our society, Blinded by Hope shines a light on the shadow of family dynamics that shame, ignorance, and stigma rarely let the public see, and asks the question: How does a mother cope when love is not enough? Amazon link

Welcome, Meg!

Choosing to Use a Pseudonym for My Memoir

Choosing to use a pseudonym for my memoir was not an easy decision. I had never intended to use a pen name for my book, Blinded by Hope: My Journey through My Son’s Bipolar Illness and Addiction.

But it became necessary.

I had been teaching memoir writing for more than 20 years, emphasizing truth as the hallmark of memoir. How could I tell students to stand by the truth of their experience if I didn’t use my own name to stand behind mine? The reason I wrote the book was that I thought the mother’s story, my story, was important. I knew other mothers and fathers who had struggled with similar challenges with their children’s mental illness and addictive self-destructive patterns.

I wrote to give voice to their experience as well as my own. I wrote to fight the stigma associated with mental illness and substance abuse.

 

But when the pre-publication edition of my memoir was sent out for review and the book was announced on Facebook, a family member threatened legal action, sending me case law citing invasion of privacy. I knew I couldn’t be sued for slander because everything I had written was true. I already had the manuscript vetted by a literary lawyer to make sure nothing was slanderous, and I had removed any pertinent sections suggested by my attorney. All names and places had already been changed to protect the identity of family members. Only my name was identifiable. But the threat unsettled me.

 

I had originally asked my son to read the entire manuscript and to discuss with me any changes he wanted. He chose not to do so. In addition, I suggested that he write or co-write an epilogue with me that would add his memories and reflections. He declined.

 

However, he did agree to write his perspective on what it’s like to live with bipolar illness, and that is one of the most revealing chapters in the book. But subsequently, when publicity came out on Facebook with my name attached as author, he felt exposed. Seeing the reality of the book in print is always different than knowing it’s in process.

 

I decided to withdraw the book from publication. My publisher was not happy with my decision because the book had already gone out for review but they agreed that if I decided to publish it at another time under a pseudonym, they would support its publication. They knew the project had taken me 15 years to get to this point and they wanted to midwife the book to its completion. I spent the next three months trying to figure out what to do. After talking with my son and getting his agreement, I decided to publish it under a pseudonym.

 

I am not the first memoirist to use a pseudonym.

 

My first exposure to a contemporary memoir author using a pen name was in Comeback: A Mother and Daughter’s Journey through Hell and Back by Claire and Mia Fontaine, published in 2006. In the “Authors’ Note” at the beginning of the book, they had revealed that not only the names of people and geographical locations had been changed to protect their identity, but the names of the authors as well. Surprised that a memoir writer could use a pen name, I contacted them directly. Claire told me they had changed their names at the request of their publisher’s lawyers.

 

As you can imagine, writing a memoir under a pseudonym creates problems when it comes to publicity. I clearly cannot do readings in bookstores or appear on T. V., and I cannot rely on my professional reputation as an author. But I can do radio interviews about the challenges of mental illness and addiction in the family. One in four families in the U. S. will be affected by the two illnesses, and it is vital that effective treatment be found. Mental illness is the least funded illness by the National Institutes of Health and the stigma about addiction has led to a national epidemic. We criminalize people with mental illness and addiction instead of treating them.

 

I have been both criticized and lauded for using a pen name. A good friend said, “You have given your son too much power,” and I told her that was the compromise we struck. Others have written: “To give voice to others’ pain and hope and defeat is one of the greatest gifts we an give one another. You have done this beautifully whether with your own name or another.” Others have written that we need more stories like mine by mothers whose children have health challenges. “This book is a beautifully written and vital memoir, not only for other families in similar circumstances but also for all with an interest in the human spirit.”

Photo Credit: Google Free Images

If my book can give language to the experience of other families as well as support them as they travel this journey with their loved ones, then it really doesn’t matter if I use a pseudonym.

Does it?

***

Thank  you, Meg, for your courage and persistence in sharing your story. You show how there are pros and cons to the decision but , in the end, the story is out there to inform, inspire and give hope to others struggling with mental illness and substance abuse in a family member. Congratulations on finding a way to publish it!

***

How about you? have you ever considered publishing your memoir under a pseudonym?

We’d  love to hear from you. Please join in the conversation below~

***

Next Week:

Monday, 7/31/17: 

“Lessons From the Garden: A Memoir Moment”

July 2017 Newsletter: Updates, Memoir Musings and Max Moments:

“Let Freedom Ring”

Highlights from The 40th Annual IWWG Summer Conference: Nurturing Voice and Creativity

Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler

“Craft your story. Grow your soul. Change your world. Come home”  The International Women’s Writing Guild mantra, 2017.

 

I’m thrilled to have attended the 40th Annual IWWG Summer Conference on the beautiful Muhlenberg College campus in Allentown, Pennsylvania where magic occurred amidst the gathering of women writers from all around the world.

Muhlenberg College campus

***

About the Guild:

“The International Women Writers Guild (IWWG), founded in 1976, is a network for the personal and professional empowerment of women through writing.” You can find out more about it at their newly launched website, The Guild. 

This was my fourth conference and has become a summer tradition of writing, inspiration and camaraderie with other women writers.

 

As always, the best part –gathering with other women for networking, meeting new friends and renewing treasured friendships, laughing, crying, sharing in the spirit of tapping into our creative wells and honoring each other’s stories

The hardest part for me was selecting which sessions to attend. For every session I selected , there were two others I wished I could  have attended. That forced me to hone in on the best use of my time.

 

 

I chose a different path …

I decide to step out of my comfort zone and try some different sessions this year to nurture my creativity and voice:

“Inviting the Image to Speak: Writing From Soul Collage Cards”:

Author, Poet, Creativity Coach,and Soul Collage Facilitator Judith Prest guided us in making soul collage cards from magazine photos in answer to the following questions:

Who are you?

Where did you come from?

What do you have to tell me?

What do you want from me?

“Soul Collage is a collage making process where we intuitively choose images and then form them into small collages on 5×8 cards. Images have the power to cut to the chase and bring us to the heart of het matter, to our deep center. They can be powerful prompts for writing.” from www.soulcollage.com

 

 

Here’s what I came up with for one card. A little boy longing for a father who was not there for him but looks forward with hope…the heart of my work-in-progress memoir, The Edge of Hope: A Mother’s Journey Through Her Son’s Addiction.

***

 

 

 

“Writing and Producing Your Own Ten-Minute Play or Monologue for the Stage.”

On my way to a memoir writing workshop, I stopped at Poet and Playwright Kelly Dumar‘s workshop.

What? Screenwriting? The idea of seeing an excerpt of my memoir acted out on stage pulled me in and I stayed. Here’s what I came up with:

Memoir Madness (scene)

A mother at kitchen table staring at her computer, papers strewn over the table. She gets up and paces as a chorus of voices chant.

 

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“What Kinds of Fools (or Shamans) Are We?”

Lisa Freeman, author, poet, writing teacher, weaves in meditation into all her practices because it connects us to our deep wisdom and the clarity and confidence to express it. Here’s a piece that resulted from a free-write prompt, written under the shade of a huge oak tree:

 

I want…

I want to face my fears about writing my story—the fears deep inside that have me skirting around, avoiding and stuffing the pain of the past into hidden spaces.

Shine the light on all those regrets, hard times, piercing feelings; bring them out in the open so they can be examined, perhaps discovered anew and then put in their place.

Let my voice see the light of day—roar, howl, weep, discover, heal, transform –so that the story deep within that is begging to be told will be told and shared for all time.

***

“When a Woman Writes: Opening Our Eyes, Ears, and Hearts to the Power of Our Words.”

Jan Phillips is a writer, photographer and activist who connects the dots between evolutionary creativity, spiritual intelligence and social action. In other words, she asks, “what are you waiting for? The world needs to hear your words.” She used poetry as prompts for writing and here’s one that resulted from poems by Octavio Taz and Mark Halliday, Before and After. I chose After:

After the dry cough that lingered,

After that December night of not being able to breathe,

After all those trips to the clinic for chemotherapy,

After the trips to Boston for a stem call transplant,

After my bald head, covered in hats for each season,

After the nausea, retching and fatigue,

After all those sleepless nights of uncertainty,

After the scans, needle sticks and Neupogen shots…

You held me close and told me I was beautiful and never stopped believing I would recover.

***

“Creating with Comedy”:

Anne Waldradt is a freelance teacher, writer and editor who encouraged us to “punch up your writing with humor, make your point stick and create your voice and claim your power.” She reminded me of the importance of weaving in some light into the dark moments.

***

Then there was the “furious dancing” every night before the evening program:

Jewels of  the Journey…

Open Mic where we read a 3-minute sample of our writing to the group, critique sessions where we had the chance to present and receive constructive feedback on our writing from Guild mentors and the Book Sale added to the richness of the experience.

My Take-Away…

Artwork by Denise Trach:www.creating cadence.com

Inspired, enriched, enlightened by a week of laughter, tears and spiritual renewal, I am ready to get back in the flow of my creative journey, to trust in my voice. I’m thinking of a new direction for my work-in-progress memoir, one that will require staying present to myself and letting my story unfold, unhindered.

Thanks for the memories, dear Guild sisters.

PhotoCredit: TravelMath

***

How about you? Did you ever try something different and end up getting exactly what you needed? For my Guild sisters, what were the highlights of our conference for you?

I’d love to hear from you. Please join in the conversation below~

***

Next Week:

Monday, 7/24/17: 

“Choosing to Use a Pseudonym for My Memoir by Meg McGuire.”

Meg is the author of Blinded By Hope: One Mother’s Journey Through Her Son’s Bipolar Illness and Addiction.

 

Writing Amidst the Turmoil of My Son’s Drug Addiction by D’Anne Burwell

Posted by Kathleen Pooler /@kathypooler with D’Anne Burwell

“The best way out is always through.”— Robert Frost

Photo Credit: Pixabay Free

I am very pleased to feature Memoirist D’Anne Burwell in this post about being the mother of an addicted son. D’Anne was also featured in this post “How Reading Is Helping Me Write a Better Memoir”. Her book Saving Jake  is an honest and informative portrayal of addiction and its aftermath on families and society. I am the mother of an addicted son who found recovery from substance abuse so her words and story resonated deeply with me.  In this age where opioid addiction has reached epidemic proportions, we all need to educate ourselves. D’Anne’s mission is clear–raise awareness and promote prevention of addiction through education. She offers hope and a roadmap to family recovery.

My reviews of Saving Jake can be found on Amazon, Goodreads, LibraryThings and Riffle.

Welcome, D’Anne!

D’Anne Burwell, Memoir Author and Speaker

 

Writing Amidst the Turmoil of My Son’s Drug Addiction 

Writing my story sprang from the chaos of trying to save my son from drug addiction. I often wonder how I ever accomplished a book. Turbulent feelings fueled me. Intense emotions consumed me. But the words began to come—saved on my computer—while I struggled with blame, guilt and fear and tried to figure out a way forward with my angry husband, my depressed daughter, and my addicted son, Jake.

Before addiction hit home, I didn’t know much about it. When I first realized Jake was abusing drugs, I became stuck in anger, frustration and fear at his senseless behavior. Back then I stumbled along, frantic that he might overdose and die.

My heart froze in bits each time my son sabotaged himself.

Slowly, I came to understand the death-like grip addiction had on Jake which drove me to empty the pandemonium of my emotions daily onto my computer screen. After hours of writing and researching the disease, I’d close the file helplessly, push the keyboard away, and stand with my arms hanging loosely by my sides. My son wasn’t there to hold and to hug. I didn’t know where he was; drugs had taken him away from our family.

Researching helped. I started to recognize addiction’s symptoms—lying, blame, manipulation—which helped me figure out better ways to respond. Learning all I could helped me gain compassion for my son.

Recovery seemed impossible.

Families dealing with addiction are mired in secrecy. I remember I wanted to shout truths whenever I heard hurtful misperceptions or judgement. Why doesn’t he just quit? An addict gets what he deserves. Experiencing firsthand the ways people put down addicts and alcoholics—believing it’s their choice to use drugs and alcohol to destruction—made me feel isolated, completely alone, and I knew that notion to be dead wrong.

I began to tell friends and family, one by one, that our son was suffering from drug addiction. Increasing my understanding of addiction brought me to a point where I was no longer angry nor ashamed of Jake. He was fighting for his life and on top of that he was fighting society’s stigma too. Holding this miserable secret was a burden and telling brought some relief. I believed my inner struggle and our family story could help others.

A friend told me “it’s a brave act to tell your truth” but I didn’t feel brave. I felt mad. I needed to tell our family story so that others just like me would not feel so alone, or judged. I wanted people with no experience of addiction to better understand the challenges facing addicts and to offer empathy instead of judgement to families.

Sitting in groups at family rehab programs, I listened closely to those addicts’ dreadful tales of lost jobs, lost homes, wives and kids, how they’d been down and out and spent time in jail. It became clear to me that addicts don’t choose to live this way. Their brains scream at them to run from treatment, to protect their drug use at all costs. Blaming addicts doesn’t help them get better.

My anger and frustration at society’s judgement and at the numbers suffering and dying compelled me to carry on writing and gave me strength to shape that computer file into a book. Emotion tempered with logic could help me reach readers’ hearts and heads so I sprinkled in straight-up facts throughout my story.

144 Americans die every day from overdose. While most major causes of preventable death are declining, death from drugs is not.

Focusing on one struggling family—mine—and using dire statistics in just the right places could persuade readers to think differently about our nation’s drug epidemic. My son could easily have been—or could easily become—one of the drug overdoses that now claim a life every 10 minutes. It remains paramount to me that others understand addiction. Each day comes loaded with the risk of relapse.

I often reread the pages of Saving Jake because I never want to forget the lessons learned.

I continue to look back to find a way forward.

***

 

Book Synopsis

D’Anne Burwell’s smart, athletic son begins abusing OxyContin as a teenager, and within a year drops out of college, walks out of rehab, and lands homeless on the streets of Boulder.

Struggling with fear, guilt, and a desperate need to protect her son, D’Anne also grapples with her husband’s anger and her daughter’s depression as the family disease of addiction impacts them all. She discovers the terrifying links between prescription-drug abuse and skyrocketing heroin use. And she comes to understand that to save her child she must step back and allow him to fight for his own soul.

Saving Jake gives voice to the devastation shared by the families of addicts. Above all, it is a powerful personal story of love and redemption.

 

Amazon Buy Link

 

Author Bio

Photo Credit: Eric Dentler

 

 

D’ANNE BURWELL is the author of the award-winning Saving Jake: When Addiction Hits Home. She holds a Master’s degree in education, is the mother of two young adults, and advocates for families struggling with substance abuse through radio commentaries, parent mentoring, and national speaking engagements. D’Anne lives with her husband in Silicon Valley.

 

 

Author Facebook:

“Like” D’Anne’s Facebook Author page to get connected. She posts messages of inspiration, timely news articles and events, plus updates on her family.

Book website:

Find book details, upcoming speaking appearances, and valuable resources at www.SavingJakeBook.com

Radio Link:

How to Cope When Someone in Your Family is Battling Addiction. Brian Copeland of San Francisco’s KGO Radio interviews D’Anne.

Book Awards

 

 

 

D’Anne’s memoir is the winner of the 2016 Eric Hoffer Book Award in Memoir, the 2016 Eric Hoffer First Horizon Award, and the 2015 USA Best Book Award in Addiction & Recovery.

 

 

 

***

Thank you, D’Anne for having the courage to tell your story so that others faced with an addicted child can know they aren’t alone and can have hope and the tools for recovery.

***

Next Week:

“40th Annual IWWG Summer Conference Highlights”

When Is It Time to Hire a Professional Editor?

Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler

This is me. How about you?

Photo Credit: Debbie Ridpath Ohl at inkygirl.com

 

When Is It Time to Hire a Professional Editor?

Photo Credit: www.jeanoram.com

Hiring a professional editor has always been a given for me, especially since I choose mainstream publication. A good editor can make the difference between a successful book and a dud.

 

When and whom to hire has been the challenge. The editor-client relationship is crucial to a satisfying outcome. The editor I hire needs to be someone I trust, someone who can offer constructive feedback without trying to rewrite my story. This post on WiseInk Blog addresses “15 Questions You Should Ask Your Editor Before Hiring Them”.

But when is it time to hire an editor?

In this excellent post, “When Should an Author Hire an Editor”, Anne R. Allen cites several key points:

“No one amount of editing can fix a book seriously flawed”

“Often times, a new writer needs to take a writing class before sending off to an editor”

“One can revise forever”

“A good editor will help you polish your work without editing out your voice”

 

She delineates the types of editing:

Manuscript evaluation:A broad overall assessment of the book.
Content editing:Help with structure and style.
Line editing:Reworking text at the sentence level.
Copy editing:Attention to grammar, spelling, punctuation and continuity.
Proofreading:Checking for typos and other minor problems.

 

My Story…

Photo Credit: Google Free Images

After eight years of writing vignettes, taking writing classes and workshops, participating in critique groups and sending my manuscript off to beta readers, I feel I have reached the point where I have taken my current work-in-progress memoir as far as I can on my own. I am ready to hire a professional editor for my second memoir.

For my first memoir, Ever Faithful to His Lead: My Journey Away From Emotional Abuse, I initially sent my manuscript to a developmental editor. After extensive work and a lot of surgical extraction of chapters and passages, she suggested I had the material for two memoirs. I began working on the first story then sent my manuscript off to twelve beta readers. After that, I hired a copy editor, content editor and finally a proofreader. And even after all that, I was still editing typos up until the night before publication day.

For my second memoir, I have taken the lessons learned from the first exhaustive edit and put my manuscript in front of my critique group and eight beta readers, rewriting and incorporating their suggestions into the narrative.

I have listened carefully to the feedback and have taken it as far as I can take it. In fact, I feel like I can’t bear to look at it one more time, even though I know there are areas that need work.

It’s time.

Now in its ninth draft, I’m ready to claim that it is good enough to be polished. I can’t make it better on my own. I need a set of professional eyes to review it and help me improve what I’ve already written.

Memoir writing is an ever unfolding journey.

Photo Credit: Free Google Image

It can’t be rushed. But there comes a time when, in the words of American Entrepreneur, Author and Public Speaker Seth Godin, I need to “ship it”, to let it go. It reminds me of sending a child off, giving them roots and wings to find their own way in the world.

Then the real process of honing—filling in the gaps, taking out the excess, and polishing–begins.

I’m too close to it to see what needs to change. All I need is a little prodding and direction from an objective professional and I’ll be good to go.

In the meantime, I’ll keep reading. I just finished reading F. Scott Fitzgerald’s The Great Gatsby and while I don’t expect to achieve such literary acclaim, I can learn a little bit more from each author I read.

Perhaps, trusting in my own voice is the most important thing I can do.

***

Wishing you all a happy and safe Fourth of July!

***

 

How about you? When do you know it’s time to send your manuscript to a professional editor?

 

I’d love to hear from you. Please join in the conversation below~

 

***

Next Week:

 

Monday, 7/10/17: 

“Writing Amidst the Turmoil of My Son’s Addiction by D’Anne Burwell”

D’Anne is the author of Saving Jake: When Addiction Hits Home, a memoir which gives voice to the devastation shared by families of addicts. It is a powerful personal story of love and redemption.

The Shame That Heals by Charlene Jones

Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler with Charlene Jones/@CharleneJones18

“The ultimate tragedy is not the oppression and cruelty by the bad people but the silence over that by the good people.”~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

Photo Credit: Your Love Voice.com Free Image

I am very pleased to feature Charlene Jones again in this post about overcoming shame. Charlene, a poet, author and meditation coach, and I met online several years ago and have been kindred spirits in 0ur writing journeys. Charlene is working on a memoir, My Impossible Life and shares how poetry and expressive writing helped her to heal from the ravages of childhood sexual abuse.

Welcome back, Charlene!

Author, Poet, Meditation Coach Charlene Jones

The Shame That Heals

Coming of Age by Charlene Jones

Incest     anorexia       rap 

Dig

Pat down

Dig

Pat down

In my memory he was very big,

Clean white boy’s t-shirt.

Dig

Pat down

Seven or eight maybe years old

Dig

to my five and he knew

everything.

Pat down

How to buy popsicles at the corner store

where the best trees were to climb.

Dig.

Where Dad hid the extra change.

Pat down.

He was my first love hero

Apollo

Dig.

He knew to warn me

“If you tell, you’ll get the beating.

It’s your fault. Mom knows that.”

As I lay in the shaded room

summer heat from his arm

dripping down over my cheek.

Pat down.

Later, I forgot. Everything.

Dig.

Until he came home one day,

drunk

his sixteen-year-old manhood poised

like the gun

Dig.

That goes off forever

in my mind.

Because after I shot him,

I buried him.

***

The familiar cocoon of stunned silence enveloped the room of my colleagues after I read this poem out loud. It was the same cocoon that had wrapped my senses since the incest first began in early childhood. I know now, almost 25 years later, the cocoon wove itself out of the body shame no one in that room wanted to feel even as it tugged at their chests. In their refusal I felt even more shame for being wrong—wrong to have been involved in incest in the first place and now wrong to bring it to the attention of others.

Our history reels with abuses. The hard truth is humanity still sits in the darkest trench of rape and torture, a trench dug by each of us when we turn away from the pain of others so we ourselves will not feel. Collective silence has always provided a canvas under which perpetrators enact and re-enact their sickness.

The power in each of us to feel our shame equals the power to heal. When we allow our emotional bodies to respond to art, the others, to the world, we offer the most powerful force we carry to shape our world into a more compassionate place. Eventually our emotional bodies know how to signal love. That signal spreads like a flare in the night sky and is the seminal instrument of healing.

My command of audience continued to grow through the early 1990’s. I learned to read the difficult poems and wait for the silence. The mute response of the audience became a signal to me, a flower in my ear: I understood everyone in each room was working as hard as they might with the troublesome material offered.

Once I no longer feared the silent response of others I began to stack performances carefully. Difficult poems about rape and abuse slid in between poems about love and inspiration. I wanted audiences to feel good about themselves and the world when they left, even when I had hosted them briefly through my own shop of horrors.

Since then a multitude of women and some men have pitched through the veil of silence their keening songs, poems, art pieces, displaying what we don’t want to know: the brutality of our culture, the dark heart at the center of our collective being, the war at home. This war rages in opposition to our equally persistent efforts toward healing.

Exploding on the heels of discoveries about neuro-plasticity, research into trauma and how to heal from trauma lights up the darkness of our present time with stars of intelligence, insight and compassion.

The Healing Aspects of Expressive Writing

My personal path finds expression through writing, meditating and more. Healing remains the dominant theme and to that end I am content that I have given my all.

Despite what began this life, the ending years resonate with peaceful contentment, most of the time.

As artists we bring what is painful, confusing, even disgusting about the human experience into the realm of collective consciousness. As artists we must also offer hope.

As audience to the individual pain of others and by bearing our own shame consciously we have the power to provide the healing balm of love in the form of listening, reading, attending to the struggle offered by other people.

In the mystery of this love our shared shame transforms into healing for all.

Photo Credit: Pixabay Free Image: ttborom

***

Thank you Charlene for showing us through your story how we have the power within to heal from trauma. I love your statement, “The power in each of us to feel our shame equals the power to heal.” Indeed, you have offered hope through your art. I look forward to your memoir, My Impossible Life.

 

***

Author Bio:

Ms. Jones achieved a double Master’s Degree and taught at Sheridan College for 8 years before finding her purpose: helping others through Dream Translation, and various modalities of healing. Her private practice has successfully helped many people over the past two decades.

She is the author of a book on meditation, Medicine Buddha/Medicine Mind: An Easy-to-Understand Exploration of the Power of Your Mind, a novel, Stain: A Story of Karma Reincarnation and Release From Suffering and co-author of a book on poetry, Bliss Pig and Other Poems 

More about Charlene Jones may be found at

Website: Soul Sciences

Facebook: Charlene Jones

LinkedIn: Charlene Jones

Goodreads Author Page; Charlene Diane Jones

Amazon Author Page: Charlene Diane Jones

 

Book Synopsis of The Stain:

Three women, their lives bound by a single horrifying event, replay madness, betrayal, brutality, and loss until one of them finds a way to clear them all from the karmic suffering of The Stain.

Goodreads 

Amazon

***

How about you? Has writing, poetry or prose helped you to overcome a traumatic event in your life?

We’d love to hear from you. Please join in the conversation below~

 

***

This Week:

Monday, 6/26/17:

June 2017 Newsletter: Updates, Memoir Musings, Max Moments:

“Everything is Coming Up Roses”

Next Week:

Monday, 7/3/17:

“When Is It Time to Hire a Professional Editor?”

7 Tips for Writing with Intention and Why It’s Important for Memoir Writers

Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler

“I write to shine a light on a dim or otherwise pitch-black corner, to provide relief for myself and others.” Author Laura Munson’s statement of intention.

 

Photo Credit: Dreamstime

The above quote is from a Huffington Post article on “5 Tips for Powerful Writing”. In this article, Laura shares some valuable tips for memoir writers about the importance of writing with intention.

Laura Munson is the author of the New York Times and international bestselling memoir This Is Not The Story You Think It Is:  A Season of Unlikely Happiness (Amy Einhorn/Putnam 2010) which Book of the Month Club named one of the best books of the year.

Laura is also the founder of Haven Writing Retreats, which Open Road Media ranked in the top five writing retreats in the United States, and speaks and teaches on the subject of voice and empowerment through creativity at conventions, corporations, universities and schools, retreat and wellness centers.

 

 

Why Memoir is Unique

A memoir is a portion of your life that has been crafted into a story.

As Laura points out, it usually involves exposing yourself and others to a difficult period in your life, advising that “we have to write past the fear of exposure”. It is in the sharing of the lessons learned that we can reach out to others through our stories and help them feel less alone.

With a story so personal and most likely difficult to relive, it makes sense to be clear on what benefit you and your reader will derive from the sharing it in a memoir.

Another valuable resource for writers

Another author who caught my attention is William Kenower. He is the Editor-in-Chief of Author magazine and hosts the online radio program Author2Author where every week he and a different guest discuss the books we write and the lives we lead.

William Kenower’s book, Fearless Writing: How to Create Boldly with Confidence encourages writers to develop confidence through practice, noting that, “you will develop your confidence and begin writing fearlessly the moment you stop caring about what anyone else thinks.”

Both of these resources resonate with me as I work on editing my second memoir.

 

 

 

 

What does writing with intention mean?

To me, intention requires being connected to my purpose for writing the memoir. It serves as my guide and has helped me to answer the following questions:

Why do I even want to write this book?

     *    Who is this book for?

How will it help those who read it?

 

These are all questions any agent or publisher will ask. I need to ask them for myself and be able to answer them succinctly, no matter which route to publication I take.

 

As Kenower notes in Fearless Writing, “a story is seen from a distinct point of view”. It makes sense to be clear on why you want to write it. He talks about the three narrative arcs of the story–physical, emotional and intentional. Intentional being the most important—“to find the story that is the most meaningful to us and to tell it in our own unique voice”.

 

Photo Credit: impact videoproduction.co.uk

As memoir writers, we should ask what life events can I share that will constitute a story worth telling, one that will reach others in a meaningful way?

Certainly, we all have significant events in our lives but what is the story?

A litany of life events alone does not make a story.

 

Writing with intention will be the key to shaping these events into a publishable memoir.

 

How Do I Write with Intention?

1. I have to find ways to get past my inner critic . You know the one who says:

* What makes you think anyone will want to read your story?

* Your story isn’t unique.

  * You can’t write that well anyway.

*  Who cares?

 At one point, while writing my first memoir, I had to put my inner critic in her place by writing out this dialogue with her. I still have to talk with her from time to time.

2. I need to show up and write on a schedule that works for me:

Sometimes the mere act of writing words unlocks creative juices:

Free write— helps when I’m stuck. Writing words even if they don’t make sense.
Journal— writing down thoughts, feelings and reactions helps me to clarify and focus.  

 

3.  Once I show up, I need to get out of the way of the story and let the words flow.

I can go back and change later.

 4.  I need to trust in the process

Often when I start to write, I have no idea how the story will unfold. These unexpected visitors—people and events—become the jewels of the journey.

5. Writing with intention helps me to identify the main themes of my story.

Once I find the heart of my story, I can shape it around the identified themes.This makes it easier to stay true to the themes, which become the foundation for the story structure.

6. Taking time to pause and think helps me be clear on my intention.

 This has helped me to tap into memories and make connections about their meaning from my adult perspective. Sometimes the best ideas flow when I take time to walk in the garden or sit in church.

As writers, we really are working, filling our creative wells, when we’re staring out the window.

7. I need to keep my overall intention in mind as I revise.

 If I’m clear on my main message and the audience I’m targeting, I can approach suggestions from editors and beta readers with a sense of purpose, staying true to my story while remaining open to constructive feedback. I can let go of scenes and events that do not move the story along.

While these tips can apply to writing in any genre, writing a memoir requires an extra layer of discipline to shape the pile of life memories into a coherent narrative with a takeaway for the reader.

Writing with intention will be a guiding light that will get you to the finish line.

Photo Credit: Google Free Images

***

How about you? When did your purpose for writing your story become clear to you? Have you read stories, memoirs in particular, that were confusing and didn’t have a clear message? What resources have helped you on your writing journey?

I’d love to hear from you. Please join in the conversation below~

***

Monday, 6/26/17:

“The Shame That Heals by Charlene Jones”

Charlene is a poet, meditation teacher and the author of The Stain: A Story About Karma, Reincarnation and The Release From Suffering. She is currently working on a memoir about healing from abuse, first and within the echoes of shame. The working title is My Impossible Life

June 2107 Newsletter: Updates, Memoir Musings, Max Moments

If you are interested in receiving this monthly newsletter via email, please sign up on the right sidebar. I’d love to have you along!

Interview with Memoirist Annette Gendler

Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler with Annette Gendler/@Annette Gendler

 

I am thrilled to feature Memoirist Annette Gendler in this interview about her new memoir, Jumping Over Shadows. Annette and I met online and in the B2B Cyber Conference where we participated in two memoir panel discussions.

In a love-conquers-all story, Annette Gendler takes the reader through the complexities and sacrifices of marriage between a German woman and a Jewish man. She skillfully interweaves the multi-layered story of her great-aunt who defied tradition and married a Jewish man before World War II in Czechoslovakia– sending repercussions into the next generation–with her own love story.

My full review of her memoir can be found on Amazon, Goodreads, LibraryThings and Riffle. 

I asked Annette a few questions about her memoir.

Welcome, Annette!

Memoirist Annette Gendler

 

 Interview with Memoirist Annette Gendler

KP: Jumping Over Shadows is a multi-layered love story between a German woman and a Jewish man in 1985 Germany. What makes this story unique is how you weave in family history and show how the past affects the present. What are the main takeaways you want to convey through your story?

 AG: There are two: One is that you can make an impossible love work if you share the same values and if what is “impossible” comes from the outside and is not an issue between the two of you. The second is that it is important to understand the past because it shapes the present world we find ourselves in, and most importantly, it shaped those who raised us, and thus it shaped us

KP: Your ability to bring the past alive with graphic detail- both the history of World War II Czechoslovakia, the geographical places and the characters—kept me turning the pages. Please share your research process and how you were able to recall the details so vividly?

AG: I just detailed my research methods in this article: Filling in the Blanks on my Jewish Family History. For all historical parts of the story, I combined stories I’d been told, interviews with living relatives, written family memoirs, as well as digging into history books and visiting archives, and traveling to the actual locations. I am also fortunate in that my grandfather was a great storyteller and his memoirs, on which I based a lot of the story from the past, are rich in detail. The metaphor of the Flying Dutchman, for example, that I used for one of the pivotal chapters, came from him.

KP: As with any memoir, there are sensitivities related to family issues, such as revealing the resistance to your marriage by Harry’s parents. How were you able to reconcile these differences and forge ahead with telling your story? How has your family reacted to the publication of your memoir?  

AG: I am lucky that, as time went on, I developed a warm relationship with my in-laws, so there really were few sensitivities to deal with once I began writing the story. This older generation is now deceased as the book came out, and it is, of course, a lot easier to write about dead people than it is to write about living people. That being said, my immediate family has read the book and loved it. I never send anything out that features my husband or another family member without them being okay with it. I was most apprehensive about how my siblings would react, as the story of the past is also their immediate inheritance and they knew all these people. Thankfully, both of them found my book to be a treasure for them. In general, I have found that people like being featured in your writing as long as you do them justice and as long as they understand that it’s your version of events. Being written about is a validation most people welcome. 

KP: You spent a year as a writer-on-resident at the  Hemingway Birthplace Home  in Oak Park, Illinois. I would love to hear about this experience and how it helped you complete your memoir.

AG: The memoir was actually already complete when I became writer-in-residence at the Hemingway Birthplace Home. However, I spent a good amount of my time in my attic studio there trying to get it published. That residency was a wonderful validation of my life as a writer—in fact, it helped me take myself seriously as a writer because all of a sudden, I was being interviewed and articles were written about me, and I had to call myself a writer. I also loved the community aspect of being writer-in-residence—I had a lot of visitors, friends and family and acquaintances who’d never visited the Hemingway Birthplace Home before. As part of the residency, the writer-in-residence offers a public program. I taught a memoir workshop there, a truly great experience—it was a fun way to meet locals, and what a treat to hold a writing workshop in the 1900 salon of the Hemingways!

KP: As you describe in your website, many of your essays are published in mainstream publications and literary journals. Your photography has been featured in magazines. What role have these creative activities played in completing your memoir? At what point did you decide to compile your stories into a memoir?

AG: While the book did begin as a collection of essays that was my MFA thesis, the process worked the other way around: I wrote the book and then I tried to see which chapters might work as standalone stories, and then I tried to get those published. Thrown Out of the Family Home was published in the Wall Street Journal, several other excerpts, such as Giving Up Christmas or Becoming a Proper Jew in the Kitchen, were published in Tablet Magazine.

KP: You teach memoir writing at StoryStudio Chicago. Do you have some favorite memoir writing tips to share?

AG: My main tip is: Start small. Don’t attempt to write a book; find one story that you find compelling, and learn how to tell that well, then see if you can find an audience for it by getting it published. If you can’t, a short memoir still has value for your loved ones. Once you’ve figured out how to tell shorter stories, you will have found your voice as a writer, and if you so choose, you’ll have the skills to embark on writing a larger story.

KP: I see that you are very busy with marketing activities. Can you share what is working for you and how you have found your target audience?

AG: You are right, I am very busy with book publicity, but it is too early for me to tell what is working for me in terms of actually selling the book. In very general terms, I can say that at this point, the personal approach works has worked best. The fact that I had several excerpts of the book published in Tablet Magazine before the book even came out was my best indication that this was where my target audience was to be found.

***

Thank you Annette for sharing your story of how your past shaped your experiences. I also appreciate your insights into the memoir writing process. You’ve had a fascinating journey with valuable lessons for all of us on the importance of preserving family memories and showing how understanding the past can change the narrative of our lives in the present.

***

Author Bio:

Annette Gendler is the author of Jumping Over Shadows, the memoir of a German-Jewish love that overcame the burdens of the past. Her writing and photography have appeared in the Wall Street Journal, Tablet Magazine, Bella Grace and Artful Blogging, among others. She served as the 2014–2015 writer-in-residence at the Hemingway Birthplace Home in Oak Park, Illinois, and has been teaching memoir writing at StoryStudio Chicago since 2006. She holds an MFA in Creative Writing from Queens University of Charlotte. After 15 years of working in consulting, she left the corporate world a few years ago and now does communications work for her children’s former school, in addition to pursuing her own creative projects. Born in New Jersey, she grew up in Munich, Germany, and lives in Chicago with her husband and three children.

Synopsis: Jumping Over Shadows

 

History was repeating itself when Annette Gendler fell in love with Harry, a Jewish man, the son of Holocaust survivors, in Germany in 1985. Annette’s great-aunt Resi had been married to a Jew in Czechoslovakia before World War II―a marriage that, while happy, put the entire family in mortal danger once the Nazis took over their hometown in 1938. In the end, their marriage did not survive the Nazi times.

Forty years later, Annette and Harry’s love was the ultimate nightmare for Harry’s family of Holocaust survivors. Not only was their son considering marrying a non-Jew, but a German. Weighed down by the burdens of their family histories, Annette and Harry kept their relationship secret until they could forge a path into the future and create a new life in Chicago. Annette found a spiritual home in Judaism―a choice that paved the way toward acceptance by Harry’s family, and redemption for some of the wounds of her own family’s past.

Amazon buy link

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How about you?  How do family stories impact your life? Have you written about them?

We’d love to hear from you. Please join in the conversation below~

***

Next Week:

Monday, 6/19/17:

“Why Writing with Intention is Important for Memoir Writers”