Kathleen Pooler's Blog, page 26

Celebrating Writing Through Collaboration and Diversity by Susan Weidener

Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler with Susan Weidener/@Sweideheart

“Words mean more than what is set on paper. It takes the human voice to infuse them with deeper meaning.” ~ Maya Angelou.

It’s a pleasure to feature my good friend and colleague Susan Weidener and the women writers of the Women’s Writer Circle in this post about their newly launched anthology, The Life Unexpected: An Anthology of Stories and Poems. I have had the honor of participating in the Circle on several occasions and I can vouch for the power of this welcoming group to nurture and honor each person’s writing voice. I can also give their beautiful anthology a glowing endorsement. When we share from the depths of our hearts and souls, we connect with one another in a powerful way.

My reviews of the anthology can be found on Amazon, Goodreads, LibraryThings and Riffle.

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Welcome back, Susan and ladies of the Women’s Writing Circle!

Author Susan Weidener

 

The Life Unexpected Anthology Editors. L-R:Ginger Murphy, Patty Kline-Capaldo, Susan Weidener

 

 

Celebrating Writing Through Collaboration and Diversity

 

I grew up in an all-white neighborhood in a wealthy suburban enclave of Philadelphia known as the Main Line. There was one African American girl in my high school classes. I never tried Chinese or Indian food until I went away to college. I anticipated the usual “milestones”: marriage, career, children, growing old with my husband.

Of course, that’s not the way it happened.

Which leads me to our new anthology: The Life Unexpected.

The Life Unexpected: An Anthology of Stories and Poems reflects changing attitudes and lifestyles. Its prose and poetry reveal unexpected twists and turns we rarely anticipate or see coming.

This is the third anthology in four years I’ve participated. The other two were Slants of Light: Stories and Poems from the Women’s Writing Circle, and My Gutsy Story Anthology.

I love the possibilities of the anthology. In this era of publishing opportunities, an anthology is an eclectic offering of published and unpublished writers, showcasing budding talent and giving new writers a “leg up” on a writing resume. The anthology is a creative collective built around a unifying theme. It’s also a way to keep publishing and getting your work out there; build on your other books and meet new readers.

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A joy of our The Life Unexpected anthology centered on the diversity of the collaboration. Click to Tweet

Widowed, married and divorced writers . . . gay women; women never married; women with children, and those without; all brought to the table the willingness and courage to offer a highly personal story of life’s unexpected twists and turns―through fiction, memoir and poetry.

 

At our first book signing as a group on January 28, I met many of the writers who I had met briefly, or not at all; although I felt familiarity with all of them through their stories. Our writers came from two separate writing groups in the Philadelphia area―the Women’s Writing Circle and Just Write. This was truly an ensemble.

The Women’s Writing Circe gathers for the first book signing of their anthology, The Life Unexpected

One side note ―that’s why writing groups are essential to the writer’s “toolbox.”

They serve as vehicles for writers to meet and hone their craft, collaborate and publish together.  Click to tweet.

At our authors’ book signing at a local bookstore, we read excerpts from our work; the experience was powerful for us and for our readers, especially in the world we now live. Stories of domestic violence, abortion, death, gender identity.

Together, we toasted each other and the creative life that had brought us together. We toasted our differences, our shared journeys.

When I was growing up, women didn’t talk about being transgender or gay, let alone write about it. We didn’t talk about terminating unwanted pregnancies. We often suffered in silence in unhappy marriages behind closed doors in suburban subdivisions. We didn’t share our grief at being widowed and single parents.

Without appreciating new experiences, a variety of lifestyles and people, we can’t do this hard work known as writing. That’s why I’m so proud of The Life Unexpected. It’s all there within our book’s cream-colored pages.

***

The Life Unexpected: An Anthology of Stories and Poems created by sixteen writers from the Philadelphia area offers diverse perspectives and experiences of women’s lives as told through fiction, memoir and poetry. In this compact collection life’s surprises and revelations along the journey of ‘the life unexpected’ are revealed offering a new way of looking at the world. The Life Unexpected (Lucky Stars Publishing) is a collaboration of two Philadelphia-area writing groups, Just Write and the Women’s Writing Circle. It features ten original photographs that enhance the prose and poetry.

A portion of the proceeds benefit the Women’s National Book Association, a nonprofit promoting reading and women writers in community.

Amazon buy link

 

 

Endorsement:

“The writer’s job is not just to craft a narrative with clarity and precision, but to express the emotional truth in a story. The Life Unexpected does just that. In this anthology, sixteen women tackle one of life’s most important—and difficult—questions: What do you do when life doesn’t go the way you expect? Bringing together a diverse group of voices and perspectives, this collection of poetry and prose will break your heart, then warm it right back up again.” ~ Gabriela Pereira, founder of DIY MFA and author of DIY MFA: Write with Focus, Read with Purpose, Build Your Community

Contact Information:

Website: The Women’s Writing Circle

Facebook: The Women’s Writing Circle

Twitter: @Sweideheart

Amazon Author Page: Susan Weidener

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Thank you, Susan for showcasing how writing and publishing this anthology have opened doors. Writing groups such as the Women’s Writing Circle truly facilitate finding, claiming and honoring the voices within that beg to tell those untold stories. Our stories matter. Thank you for all you do to help writers write and share their stories.

***

How about you? Do you have an untold story begging to be told? What stops you from writing and sharing it?  Have you ever participated in a collaborative writing effort?

We’d love to hear from you. Please join in the conversation below~

***

Next Week:

Monday, 2/13/17:

“Solitude Along The Busy Highway: A Memoir Moment”

 

 

 

 

Living in Peace and Hope During Trying Times: A Memoir Moment

Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler

“My faith is stronger than my fear.” My mantra during challenging times.

Photo Credit: Free Google Images

Embracing my faith during difficult times has always provided me with the strength I needed to endure whatever challenge presented itself.

The countless nights I sat by the bay window awaiting the safe return of my young husband from his nights of drinking.

The moment I realize I had to leave him.

The seemingly endless days of worry as a single parent and the nights I fell into bed, exhausted from the sole responsibility of raising two children.

The night in 1996 when I cried out as I paced the floor in the emergency room while waiting for the results of a CAT scan,

“Dear Lord, give me the strength I need for this is the battle of my life and for my life.”

The sleepless nights years later when, feeling helpless, I grabbed my rosary beads and prayed my addicted son would survive the night.

Surely if my faith got me through so many personal challenges, it will help me get through our current national crisis of change.

Photo Credit: dreamstimefree

It all sounds like a great plan until I start listening to the news. That’s when I begin to falter and let fear take over.

How does one spread peace and hope into a world that seems intent on spreading violence and hate?

I watched the Inauguration to honor our democracy, even if I feel the person in office has yet to show himself to be worthy of the title. I respect that our Founding Fathers put a system of checks and balances in place to preserve the sanctity of the Constitution and I respect the office of the Presidency.

I’m counting on democracy to rule the day.

I watched the Women’s March—democracy in action– with expectant hope that the voices of so many will resonate throughout the world and hold those in power accountable for the decisions they make. Though I couldn’t participate, I admire the many who did and was with them in spirit.

 

May the March ,and all the subsequent protests, become a Movement that changes the hearts and minds of those who have the authority to make a difference in our world. But then I realize, “We, the People” have both the responsibility and the power to execute change.

 

But how do we heal the divisiveness that runs so deep?  

We are all in this together and together we need to work on solutions.

My mind is oversaturated with the ongoing debates and polarity, the gloom and doom shouted across cyberspace, the daily dose of chaos and growing fury stemming from the frenzied onslaught of executive orders from the Oval Office. Confusion, uncertainty and more reasons to protest.

Sometimes, I have to step back from it all and look around.

The day still dawns, the seasons still change and life goes on with all its twists and turns.

Change is never easy as we let go of the familiar and embark upon an uncertain future.

But, I still want to hold out hope that good things can come from this change and that we still live in the greatest country on earth. And I’m still waiting for the new President to give me a reason to hope.

Better yet, I’m counting on our system of checks and balances to right the course.

Beyond exercising civic duties as each person chooses, we can all still be kind and respectful to one another. It’s never going to be perfect but we can at least do our individual part to make a positive difference in our world.

 

I’ll end with this excerpt from my daily devotion book, Jesus Calling by Sally Young: I posted this on Facebook last week but will include it here for those who haven’t seen it.

 

This is how my faith comes through to nurture my sense of peace and hope during trying times:

January 20, 2017:

“APPROACH THIS DAY WITH AWARENESS OF WHO IS BOSS. As you make plans for the day, remember it is I who orchestrates the events of your life. I may be doing something important in your life quite different from what you expected. It is essential at such times to stay in communication with Me, accepting My way as better than yours. Simply trust Me and thank Me in advance for the good that will come out of it all.

I know the plans I have for you, and they are good. Isaiah 55:9; Jeremiah 29:11”

 ***

My wish for you is that you will tap into your own source of strength to find peace and hope during this difficult transition.

Together, we are stronger.

 

Photo credit: iStock image

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How about you? How do you find peace and hope during trying times?

I hope you’ll join in the conversation. I’d love to hear from you.

***

This Week:

Monday, 1/30/17:

I’ll be over at Christian Author and motivational speaker Christine Lindsay’s blog with this guest post:

“Finding Freedom FromHeartache Thriugh God’s Grace”

January 2017 Newsletter, Updates, Memoir Musings and Max Moments:

“Winter Dreams”

If you are interested in receiving this monthly newsletter, please sign up in the right sidebar. I’d love to have you along!

Next Week:

Monday, 2/6/17:

“Celebrating Writing Through Collaboration and Diversity by Susan Weidener”

Susan is the author of two memoirs, one novel and two anthologies and the founder/facilitator of The Women’s Writing Circle. She will share the latest anthology by the Women’s Writing Circle, The Life Unexpected.

Opening Doors to Surprise: Finding My Muse by Merril Smith

Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler with Merril Smith/@merril_mds

“Poetry is the opening and closing of a door, leaving those who look through to guess about what is seen during the moment.”– Carl Sandburg, Good Morning, America (1928).

“Doors” Pixabay Free Image

 

 

It is my pleasure to introduce you to Merril Smith. Merril and I met online through our blogs. I have been drawn to her online poetry, how a few words can elicit so many images and feelings and asked her to share how poetry has influenced her writing life. She inspires me to to find my own inner poet and I hope she’ll do the same for you.

Welcome, Merril!

Opening Doors to Surprise: Finding My Muse

“The boys were amazed that I could make such a poem as that out of my own head, and so was I, of course, it being as much a surprise to me as it could be to anybody, for I did not know that it was in me. If any had asked me a single day before if it was in me, I should have told them frankly no, it was not.

That is the way with us; we may go on half of our life not knowing such a thing is in us, when in reality it was there all the time, and all we needed was something to turn up that would call for it.”

–Mark Twain, Joan of Arc

 

It’s only recently that I’ve added “poet” to my biography. With an undergraduate education degree and a Ph.D. in American history, I’ve taught both preschool and college history classes. I’ve written several books and articles on history, women, gender, and sexuality. I also work as a freelance test-writer for Educational Testing Service (ETS).

So how did I become a poet? I’ll be honest. I’m not certain.

When I started my blog, I planned to write mainly about history and food or food history, since I had just recently completed a book, History of American Cooking. I soon discovered that I am not a food blogger, or a true food scholar, and I did not want to write solely about history. I also did not want my blogs to be boring chronicles of what I did on any particular day, a grownup version of “How I Spent My Summer Vacation.” One day, I wrote a post in verse about a family dinner. It simply came out that way. Gradually, I began to write more posts in poetic form—my “Monday Morning Musings.” As I did so, I became more skilled—but also more open to poetry.

I believe everyone possesses creativity and imagination.

Sometimes it is stifled by circumstance or by a belief that it should not be expressed. (My mother only bloomed as an artist after she retired in her 70s.) The way in which we express our creativity may change over time. I’ve always loved words, but I believe I have needed my decades of life experiences and learning to express what I feel through verse. Perhaps as Mark Twain observed, it was there all the time, but I needed to be ready to open the door.

So how does one go about letting the muse in and the poetry out?

As with all forms of writing, it takes exposure and practice. One must read poetry and write it.

I’ve found poetry prompts to be extremely helpful. There are many blogs that provide prompts using a word, an image, or a poetic form, such as haiku. I have learned quite a bit about different types of poetry this way. In addition, these blogs allow you to “meet” and read the work of others. Last April, I participated in NaPoWriMo, writing a poem every day for an entire month. Most days I followed the optional prompt, which was either to write about a given subject or to write a poem in a suggested poetic form. This thirty-day challenge kept me thinking poetry all day long.

Recently through reading the work of some bloggers I follow, I learned about a form called a quadrille. The only rule is that it must be 44 words exactly. The prompt for this challenge was the word “curl.” Although I thought it would be difficult to write a poem of exactly 44 words, somehow it was not. I just began to write and a poem emerged. With only minor tweaking, it became this:

 

Stardust: A Quadrille

By Merril D. Smith © 2017

Winter winds lash the trees,

the clouds sail, schooners

on an obsidian sea,

shimmering stars, sparkling dots,

pulsing to music of the universe,

echoed in our beating hearts–

stardust,

remnants of other worlds

gone for a millennium,

here in your arms curled around me.

 

I am not a religious person. I don’t believe in God, but perhaps there was a spirit, my muse, flowing into me and guiding me. Perhaps not. Perhaps it was that spark that we all carry within us. But somehow, my creativity was tapped.

I opened the door, and to my surprise, a poem came out. I will leave it to you to guess what was seen in the moment.

Photo Credit: Flickr Creative Commons

 

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Thank you Merril for showing us through your story how we all have creativity and imagination. You walked through that door and found a treasure that we can share through your poems!

Author Contact Information: 

Merril D. Smith, Ph.D.

Email: merrildsmith@gmail.com

Website: https://merrildsmith.wordpress.com/

Twitter: @merril_mds

Instagram: mdsmithnjz

Amazon Author Page

***

How about you? Have you tapped into your creativity and found your “inner poet”? If so, how has poetry helped your prose?

We look forward to hearing from you. Please join in the conversation below~

***

Next Week:

Monday, 1/30/17:  Blog post TBA

 

January 2017 Newsletter: Updates, Memoir Musings and Max Moments:

“Winter Dreams”

If you are interested in receiving this monthly newsletter, please sign-up on the right side bar. I’d love to have you along.

 

 

 

 

 

Seven Tips for Hanging On To Your Voice Through the Editing Process

Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler

“If you hear a voice within you say ‘you cannot paint,’ then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced.” Vincent Van Gogh

Photo Credit: dreamstimefree

Seven Tips For Hanging On To Your Voice Through the Editing Process. 

In Sharon Lippincott’s excellent post, “It’s All About Story”, she shares that members of her memoir writing group claimed that if they are engaged in the story they can overlook any writing flaws. This gave me pause. Story is crucial but the thought of grammatical errors laced through out my manuscript makes me cringe. Her post provides an interesting take from readers/aspiring writers that’s worth your time. It also served as a prompt for this post.

 

This got me thinking about the editing process for my current work-in-progress memoir, The Edge of Hope: A Mother’s Journey Through Her Son’s Addiction.

I have begun the beta reading phase and am knee-deep in soul-searching edits. You either despise or love the editing phase. I find it to be the most daunting, yet rewarding part of writing.

I value this beta reading phase and am very grateful to beta readers who volunteer to take time out of their busy schedules to provide me with their honest feedback and guidance. I blogged about lessons learned from using beta readers for my first memoir, Ever Faithful to His Lead: My Journey Away From Emotional Abuse this post.in

To this end, I have developed a list of guidelines for my beta readers in hopes of making the job a little easier.

The beta reading process can be grueling because you want constructive feedback, but not everyone will agree with the content or quality of your writing and it does sting. However, I’d rather find this out before rather than after publication. I have learned to filter out the feedback that makes sense and disregard the rest. I try to keep an open mind because what I want most is to present my story in the best possible way.

The next phase, down the road after working on edits will be to hire a professional editor, including developmental, copy editors and a proofreader.

 

The question that always comes up for me in the editing process is:

 

How do I hang on to my voice with so many other voices giving me their feedback?

 

Here’s my plan for getting through with my voice intact:

 

Remain open to areas where my story needs work.
Be clear on my purpose for writing my story and make sure the scenes move the story along.
Take time to absorb and reflect on suggestions from beta readers and be clear on what you expect from them, i.e guidelines.  Their feedback may or may not fit. If more than one beta reader has the same feedback, listen very carefully and consider either changing or omitting those sections.
Claim and honor my story: Know when to listen to feedback and when to stand firm and not take a suggestion.
Step Away as needed, which I have done a lot. Memoir writing is a process, a grueling one, as emotions are dredged up.
Trust myself: This is my story to tell, in my voice and my writing even if others who write better than I do disagree. I accept not everyone is going to like my story or voice.
Hire professional editors to help polish the manuscript until it shines.

 

The Power of Voice:

Our voice is unique to each of us and I believe we need to embrace our uniqueness. That is the power of voice, to tell our personal slice of life as only we can tell it. It will be up to the reader to decide if they connect with our story and our voice.

Photo Credit: Free Image from Pixabay

As far as story trumping writing, as Sharon’s group suggested, I think they’re equally important.

I want my voice and story to shine as mine, without the technical flaws.

***

How about you? How do you survive the editing process? Do you have any tips to share? How do you hang on to your voice?

 

I’d love to hear from you. Please join in the conversation below~

 ***

 

Next Week:

  Monday, 1/23/17:

“Opening Doors to Surprise: Finding My Muse by Merril Smith.”

Merril is an historian-turned-poet and has an inspiring story on how she found her poetic muse.

 

 

 

 

 

Do Mothers Have a Right To Write Their Own Story? by Maureen Murdock

Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler with Maureen Murdock/@murdockmaureen

I am thrilled to once again feature Bestselling Author, Memoir Teacher and Clinical Psychologist Maureen Murdock in this provocative post on the rights of mothers to write their own stories. I have struggled over this issue as I work on my second memoir about being the mother of an addicted son. I’m still not sure I can publish it. But, like Maureen, I feel strongly that I have a right to tell my version and I intend to keep writing. 

For the past thirteen years, Maureen has been working on a memoir about her journey with her son’s bipolar illness and substance abuse. Despite the fact that her focus was on the mother, not the son, she encountered resistance from her family. After initially giving her permission to publish it, her son changed his mind. The book was pulled from publication in November, 2016 and she asks the question

“Do mothers have a right to to write their stories?”

Welcome back, Maureen!

Maureen Murdock

Do Mothers Have a Right to Write Their Own Stories?

 

Recently, Elizabeth Bastos confessed in the New York Times that she has stopped writing about her children because she realized that her children had not given her permission to tell their stories. When they were young she made herself the main character in their tales, the hapless heroine who couldn’t get the overalls on her two-year-old or the math dunce who couldn’t figure out her nine-year-old son’s fractions homework. She was the heroine; the story was really about her. Her children were the supporting cast. But now that her children have entered puberty, she has decided to protect their lives from her writer’s eye and pen, because her father objected to her “exposing” the life of his grandson.

There aren’t many guidelines about mothers writing about children, grown or otherwise. The English writer, Julie Myerson, wrote about her 17-year-old teenage son’s descent into drug addiction in her courageous memoir, The Lost Child. She was excoriated in her native England for exposing him, called cruel and manipulative. She had shown her son an early version of the manuscript, which he said he liked. He requested only a few changes, but after it was published he was quoted as saying he opposed the publication. Myerson has said the reaction to her and to the book felt like “a bit of a witch burning.” She did not make the decision to publish the book lightly, but she and her husband felt that the importance of publicizing the nightmare of teenage drug use outweighed prohibitions against writing about their child.

The attacks on Myerson probably would not have been so vehement had the author been a father. The same inhibitions don’t seem to apply to fathers. David Sheff, the best-selling author of Beautiful Boy about his son’s addiction to crystal meth, says that he feels the imperative to protect a loved one, particularly a child, outweighs the responsibility to tell the truth of their lives together. Nevertheless, it didn’t stop him from publishing his book. He states that he had his son’s approval to write the memoir of their family’s struggle with his addiction, so perhaps that permission outweighed his imperative.

For the last 13 years, I have been writing a book about my own son’s addiction and bipolar illness, and have always felt that I have a right to tell that story because it is my story. It is the mother’s story. I learned a lot in the living of it and also in the writing about it. And I wanted to share what I had learned with other families. When I set out to write the book, I was trying to figure out the interconnection between mental illness and addiction and to find a successful treatment for both. I got caught up in the race to save my son, so I did a lot of research, joined family support groups, found doctors to treat him and succumbed to that greatest fear a mother has: that her child will kill himself before she can save him.

My adrenalin-fueled rescue attempts became my drug of choice.

My book traced the rollercoaster of his highs and lows: lost jobs, splintered relationships, evictions, hospital stays, rehabs, jails, and finally, prison. All along the way, my hope for a cure sustained me. Throughout it all, I was the one who stood by his side, who tried to secure his safety, who made sacrifice after sacrifice both emotionally and financially.

I was the one who finally had to accept that his life was out of my hands.

I’m the central character, not my son. But I don’t come out as the heroine of the story. No, there’s nothing heroic here; it’s all about stamina. I muddled through, allowing myself to be manipulated, lied to, and fooled. I wrote as truthfully as I could. I tried to tell the story as it occurred including all the mistakes I made because I am not the only mother who has traveled this road. I know there are thousands of other mothers and fathers who have dealt with children they love who are ill. I know their frustrations, their angers, their loneliness and their hope.

I showed an early version of my book to my son who clearly was not happy with my portrayal of our life together, but he corrected several of my misperceptions about his bipolar disorder and never said don’t publish this. I tricked myself into thinking he was in sync with the project because I felt that I had the right to tell my story. I agree with Susan Cheever, memoirist and daughter of the novelist John Cheever, who writes: “I strongly believe everybody has the right to their own story,” defining her material as inclusive of the intersecting stories of her family members.

I say that I think that mothers have the right to their own story because there seems to be a taboo about mothers opening up about our lives. Mothers have a right to their own memories, and their memories reflect the lives of family members. So those memories lead to story. Many of my mother’s generation, including my own mother, ended up with Alzheimer’s disease with fuzzy memories because they never talked about their lives. I don’t mean to imply that the physical disease of Alzheimer’s resulted from the lack of our mothers’ stories. But think about it, how many of our mothers talked about their lives, their feelings, their disappointments, their desires, their wishes for themselves? Not just their wishes for their children. No one asked them about their memories or their feelings. We only remember these women as somebody’s mother.

It is assumed that mothers will be nurturing, protective, and self-sacrificing to the end. But what about those of us who are artists of one form or another and whose art involves the family? When I succumbed to my family’s pressure to pull from publication the book I had written about my journey through my son’s bipolar illness and addiction, my daughter said, “I’m glad you put the family before your book.” There was no discussion about what that sacrifice meant to me, the author. There was just the assumption that of course the mother would put the family’s desires ahead of her own.

I don’t think that’s fair. And it’s not right.

***

Author’s Biography and Contact Information (from Amazon):

Maureen Murdock is the best-selling author of The Heroine’s Journey: Woman’s Quest for Wholeness, a ground-breaking work which revealed a broader understanding of the female psyche on both a personal and cultural level and was Murdock’s response to Joseph Campbell’s A Hero with a Thousand Faces. When Murdock showed Campbell her book, he said, “Women don’t need to make the journey.” Murdock’s readers around the world have shown that he’s wrong! A Jungian psychotherapist and creative writing teacher, Murdock is also the author of Fathers Daughters: Breaking the Ties that Bind, The Heroine’s Journey Workbook, Spinning Inward: Using Guided Imagery with Children, and Unreliable Truth: On Memoir and Memory, a seminal work about memoir and what’s involved in writing a memoir. Her books have been translated into over a dozen languages and she lectures internationally.

She has written articles on mental illness and the criminal justice system for Huffington Post and is a family therapist in southern California.

 

Follow her blog, Hooked on Hope

Twitter@murdockmaureen

***

Thank you, Maureen for your courage and honesty in sharing your story and raising this question that any mother whose story involves her children wants to know the answer to. Your story will touch others and I hope you find a way to get it out there.

***

How about you? How have you handled stories related to your children? Have there been repercussions?

We’d love to hear from you. Please join in the conversation below~

Next Week:

Monday, 01/16/2017:

“Seven Ways to Hang On to Your Voice Through the Editing Process”

 

 

The Next Chapter, 2017

Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler

     “So I close my eyes to old ends and open my heart to new beginnings.”   magnoliaelectric.net

Happy 2017!

 

I don’t know about you but I always feel a bit relieved when the new year rolls around.

My holidays were filled with lots of family, food and fun and I relish the sweet memories. I enjoyed my “sacred pause” but now it’s time to move on.

I traditionally clear my home of Christmas on New Year’s Day as my mind turns to the year ahead.

I don’t have a list of resolutions to share.

The only goal I have set for myself is to:

take one day at a time and live in the present, remaining open to opportunities BUT embracing what’s right in front of me, in the moment.

***

2016 will go down as a year of health challenges—adjusting to home peritoneal dialysis, and recovering from a fractured wrist being the major ones. It has forced me to slow down which has been a blessing…the silver lining.

My next chapter will entail moving forward with an evaluation for a kidney transplant. Something I didn’t think was an option a year ago is now a reality. With encouragement from my new nephrologist and the wonderful nurses at the dialysis center, I have undergone the required diagnostic testing over these past few months and am scheduled to meet with the transplant surgeon on February 21, 2017.

There are no guarantees. I may not meet the criteria. If that’s the case, I’ll go to another center, two hours away in Syracuse, New York.

It feels right to at least give it a shot.

The thought of not being tethered to this cycler every night or not having to lug a mountain of supplies and equipment wherever I may travel is refreshing.

Although, this cycler has brought me improved health and well-being. A mixed bag.

My cycler-buddy

But I know it won’t be easy.

If I make it on “the list”, I may not find a donor for a while, maybe a matter of years at which point I may be too old. Or I may reject a kidney I’ve been given. Or I may suffer a multitude of side effects from the immunosuppressant drugs I’ll be required to take for the life of the kidney.

Or I may sail through the surgery and begin a new life with a new, healthy kidney.

This is where my faith and hope will get me through as it has so many other times in my life.

I’m aiming for optimism tempered by realism.

 

Faith in the doctors and medical team to do their job to make me whole again.

Faith in my body that it will handle the challenge.

Faith in myself that I will do my part to facilitate the process.

Faith in my God, that I will rely on Him to give me strength.

 

Whatever the outcome ends up being, at least I will have the satisfaction of knowing that I tried. I will keep you posted along the way.

Until then, my heart is open to new beginnings.

 

How about you? What new beginnings are you looking forward to in the New Year? How do you face challenges in your life? What are your hopes for 2017?

I’d love to hear from you. Please join in the conversation below~

***

Next Week:

Monday, January 9, 2017:

“Do Mothers Have a Right to Write Their Own Story? by Maureen Murdock”

From Our Home to Yours: Christmas, 2016

Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler

“From home to home, and heart to heart, from one place to another. The warmth and joy of Christmas, brings us closer to each other. – Emily Matthews

Photo Credit: dreamstimefree

Christmas time always stirs up many emotions for me.

Traditionally a season of anticipation and good wishes, it sets up an expectation that everyone is happy and healthy. When that’s the case, I am grateful.

But there have been plenty of times when bad things have happened–a death of a loved one, a family problem, a serious illness–when the joy is overshadowed and the pain exacerbated by memories of Christmas Past when health and happy family gatherings were a given. I know many people who are enduring the pain this year and my heart goes out to them.

The way I try to get around it is to focus on the blessings in my life, right here, right now.

As many of you know, twenty years ago on Christmas Eve, 1996, I was diagnosed with a life-threatening cancer, Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma, Stage Four (highest stage).  Two years ago, in 2014, I was declared cancer-free after a two-year treatment period involving chemotherapy, radiation and a stem-cell transplant from 1996-1998. Subsequent to the cancer, I developed chemotherapy-induced cardiomyopathy and congestive heart failure. A pacemaker/defibrillator  was implanted in 2008 in my left chest (it’s working well).

In February of this year, I started Home Peritoneal Dialysis for kidney failure secondary to the heart failure. In July of this year, I shattered my left wrist  in three places after tripping over a cement bumper in a parking lot and falling flat on my face. My gosh, what next?

I tell you all this because…

I’m still here, living a great life…I know plenty of people diagnosed around the same time who didn’t make it. It’s very humbling.

Despite all the challenges, it’s the awareness of my many blessings that gives me joy. 

When I have a bad day, like we all do from time to time, I say to myself,

“Really, Kathy, you’re complaining?”

Then the gratitude for all the second chances I’ve been given takes over and seeps into every cell.

By the way, I do give my self permission to have a bad day now and then and you should, too.

***

It is in this spirit that I want to share the real joy of Christmas with you.

Photo Credit: dreamstimefree

Through the happy and sad times that make up our lives, when we focus on the blessings that surround us–our family our friends, our health, our faith–we can find peace and joy, even when things are not as we had hoped or planned.

I count you all among my blessings.

From our home to yours, wishing you the joy, hope and wonder of Christmas~

Kathy, Wayne and All our grands

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa!

***

I will be taking a “sacred pause” over the holidays and will return on Monday, January 2, 2017 with a post, “The Next Chapter”.

December 2016 Newsletter: “Taking a Sacred Pause in the Season of Silence”

I’m also over at Sharon Lippincott’s blog with:

“Finding the Heart of My Story: From Vignettes To Memoir”

One Reason Not To Publish A Memoir by Laura McHale Holland

Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler with Laura McHale Holland/@lauramchh

“What makes writing a memoir difficult is harder to quantify. Is it learning to know when you’re ready to talk about something? Is it seeing the structure in a lumpen mass of fact? Is it finding out what you were really like as other people saw you? Yes to each.  Darin Strauss, Brainy Quote

Photo credit: JohnWiskind.com

I am very pleased to feature Laura McHale Holland in this guest post on one reason not to publish a memoir. Laura, the author of several award-winning memoirs, and I met online several months ago. I’ve had the pleasure of reading and reviewing her most recent memoir, Resilient Ruin: A Memoir of Hope Dashed and Reclaimed—a riveting coming-of-age memoir about surviving childhood abuse and finding forgiveness.

My reviews can be found on Amazon, Goodreads, LibraryThings and Riffle.

 

Welcome, Laura!

Memoirist Laura McHale Holland

One Reason Not To Publish A Memoir

I was selling books at a local arts and crafts faire recently, and as the hours passed by, I became acquainted with Christi, a woman showcasing a variety of handmade goods at a nearby table. Late in the afternoon, when no members of the public were passing through, I bought a few lavender sachets from her, and she purchased my childhood memoir, Reversible Skirt, from me.

Christi was drawn to Reversible Skirt—which recounts what it was like to grow up in the shadow of my mother’s suicide in the 1950s, a time when taking one’s own life was considered to be a shameful act best not mentioned—because her mother was passed out, inebriated, daily. Christi said that at age four, she became like a mother to her two younger siblings. She felt she would relate to both the story of my childhood and its sequel Resilient Ruin, which recounts how I ultimately came to terms with my unstable, often heart-wrenching teen and young adult years.

As we were packing up at the end of the day, Christi asked, “Was it cathartic for you to write and publish your memoirs?”

I am often asked questions like this, and my response doesn’t vary: “No, it wasn’t.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Really? I thought it would be very therapeutic, after the start you got in life.”

I then explained that, while healing is a lifelong process, most of my healing from childhood trauma took place before I began my first memoir, and when it comes to publishing a book, I don’t think catharsis for the author should be a goal.

See, I make a distinction between writing as a form a self-help, which for me is largely journal writing that nobody else sees, and writing for publication. I believe the latter should have a higher purpose than healing oneself or just telling one’s story. I also believe that in writing any book or story another primary purpose should be to create the very highest quality literature possible. The second objective is often reinforced when the meaning of the story becomes clarified for the writer, which often occurs during the writing process.

Thus, for anyone wishing to write a memoir that deals with traumatic experiences, I think it’s a good idea to find emotional relief and healing through friendships, therapy and support groups devoted to overcoming past abuse. Finding compassionate resources outside of the writing and publishing process makes it easier to face the blank page with a clear head and a mission that will benefit others.

A memoir of difficult life experiences could have many possible missions: to impart information in an eloquent way; to take readers on an absorbing emotional journey that leaves them with new insights; to broach subjects that need to be discussed but often aren’t, so that people who are experiencing similar trauma may have an easier time getting help; to let people who feel isolated by heartbreak know they are not alone; or to leave behind an accurate, meaningful slice of life for future generations; to name several.

Now, I don’t think a person should be singularly focused on a memoir’s mission. There is a time, especially in the drafting stage, when it’s essential to just let the words flow, and if feelings come up, it’s important to let them flow out, too. But keeping in the back of one’s mind that a memoir project has a higher purpose than healing one’s own heart will, I believe, add a depth that otherwise would not be there.

Knowing a book’s higher purpose can be immensely helpful during the editing phase, too. When thinking about whether to include a particular scene or how much detail to go into, you can ask yourself such questions as: What purpose does this scene serve? How is it likely to affect the reader? Have I already communicated the same thing in another scene? Does it tell the truth? Am I being honest with myself—and my readers? How is the memoir improved by including this? Where will shortening or expanding certain sections increase the book’s power?

None of this is to say it isn’t exhilarating to publish a memoir. It is! But it’s the attainment of a worthy goal, I believe, that sparks this jubilation. What could be better than writing a memoir that has the potential to enrich the lives of others, not just now, but possibly for generations to come?

This is also not to say that authors who pen memoirs about difficult life experiences do not benefit. Many such writers, including me, gain invaluable insights about themselves in the process. But too often readers and writers reflexively pigeonhole the craft of memoir as therapy for authors. This leads to proliferating misperceptions about, and in some cases denigration of, a genre that has the power to enlighten, educate and inspire in ways distinct from other literary forms.

Photo Credit: dreamstimefree

***

Thank you, Laura for your insightful exploration of the memoir writing process. For me, it was a matter of timing. I had to have some emotional distance from the story to be able to craft my traumatic life events that would help readers connect with their own stories–a higher purpose, as you say. Journaling, counseling and support from friends played a big part in preparing me to write my story, which in the end led me to self-discovery and healing. 

***

Author Bio:

Whether penning a memoir, writing fiction and poetry, or telling stories live, Laura McHale Holland’s aim as an artist is to engage people and touch them in ways that matter. Resilient Ruin is Laura’s fourth book. Previously, she released a childhood memoir, a collection of flash fiction and an anthology, all of which won awards. Two of her short plays were recently produced in Sonoma County, where she lives with her husband and their two tiny, rambunctious dogs. For a free ebook, stop by http://lauramchaleholland.com.   

Contact Information:

email: lauramh@mac.com

Twitter: @lauramchh

Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/laura.mchale.holland and https://www.facebook.com/Wordforest/

website: http://lauramchaleholland.com 

Laura’s Amazon Author Page

 

Book Synopsis:

A teenage girl breaking free. A cunning classmate on the prowl. Can she recover after they collide?

Orphaned as a child, fourteen-year-old Laura finally rebels against her abusive guardian. Living on dreams, rock ’n’ roll, and kisses in moonlight, she believes whatever comes next can’t be worse than what she’s already endured. She has no idea how far she will fall before she can build a better life. Resilient Ruin is a poignant personal story that recounts a rocky, ultimately inspiring journey. If you like brave, unaffected heroines; striking scenes and characters; and pacing that keeps you turning page after page, you’ll relish this masterful memoir of survival and learning to forgive.

***

How about you? So, what will you say if you meet Christi, or another memoir fan like her, and she asks whether writing and publishing your memoir was cathartic?

Laura has graciously offered to give away a copy of her memoir to a commenter whose name will be selected in a random drawing.

We’d love to hear from you. Please join in the conversation below~

***

Next Week:

Monday, 12/19/16: 

“From Our Home to Yours”

December, 2016 Newsetter: Updates, Memoir Musings, and Max Moments:

“A Sacred Pause in This Season of Silence”

7th Blogiversary Reflections

Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler

“Gratitude turns what you have into enough.”~ Author Unknown

Photo credit: Pixabay Free Image

 

It’s my 7th blogiversary and there are no bells and whistles this year…only a deep knowing that where I’m at is just fine.

I am grateful.

But I’m curious about the significance of doing anything for seven years.

I’ve never been into numerology but this occasion had me researching the significance of the number 7.

I know about the “7-year itch”, 7 days in the week and the countless times the number 7 is mentioned in the Bible. My Catholic faith teaches 7 sacraments, 7 gifts of the Holy Spirit, 7 deadly sins, and Jesus’ call to Peter to “forgive 70 times 7.

But, until I did a little research, I had not noticed other interesting facts…7 colors of the rainbow, the opposite sides of a dice always equal the number 7 when added, 7 dwarfs in the fairy tale, Snow White, to name a few. For more trivia, check this out.

What strikes me the most is that, as a Cancer, my lucky number is 7. It is considered the “number of perfection, security, safety and rest”. I’m not into horoscopes either but I’ll take these ideas and run with them for my 7th blogiversary reflections.

I wonder, why is this blogiversary significant?

My first thought is that over these past 7 years I have experienced the fulfillment of a dream. What started out as a whim and a huge leap of faith has developed into a viable, life-affirming vehicle to share my voice and connect with others.

When I wrote my first blog post via WordPress.com on December 9, 2009, I had no idea what it would mean or where it would take me. I was panic-stricken and wondered how I would be able to maintain weekly posts, especially when all I really wanted to do was write.

And something magical happened.

I was and still am continually inspired by you, my readers, who leave thoughtful and insightful comments or who simply stop by to add your support. It is because of you that I love blogging and haven’t missed a week except for a Lenten Sabbatical I took in 2015. It is because of you that I have found and honed my voice.

Photo credit: iStock image: Together we are stronger.

Together we are stronger.

The reality is, blogging has become a natural part of my life, a soul-nurturing habit that has motivated me to keep searching and sharing. It is an extension of who I am and who I hope to become.

I am learning and growing with every blog post and I treasure the time we spend together. With every guest I feature twice a month, I feel not only graced with a new friend in my life but also enriched by the unique perspectives they share.

I’m not planning any big celebrations—although the occasion is worthy of one. I’m simply enjoying the moments we spend together and looking forward to more of the same in 2017.

And at this time, I’m not planning any major changes for 2017. From my point of view, it’s working. Of course, I am always open to suggestions so feel free to contact me either through the comments or by email at kpooler63@gmail.com if you have any ideas you’d like to share.

It is with a grateful heart that I thank you all for “joining in the conversation around my kitchen table”. I count you among my many blessings and look forward to seeing you in 2017.

Thank you!

Photo Credit: Dreamstimefree

 

How about you? If you are a blogger, how do you stay motivated? What does blogging do for you?

 

I’d love to hear from you. Please join in the conversation below~

 

Next Week:

  Monday, 12/12/16:

“One Reason Not to Write a Memoir by Laura McHale Holland”

Laura is an award-winning author of several memoirs. Her most recent one is Resilient Ruin: A Memoir of Hopes Dashed and Reclaimed.  A lucky commenter whose name will be selected in a random drawing will receive an autographed copy of her memoir.

Why Bother Doing A Book Launch? by Dorit Sasson

Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler with Dorit Sasson/@VoicetoStory

“People are in such a hurry to launch their product or business that they seldom look at marketing from a bird’s eye view and they don’t create a systematic plan.” ~ Dave Ramsey, Brainy Quotes

Marketing, a necessary task many writers feel ill-equipped to achieve, is often viewed by writers as a burden. And yet, if one wants to sell their books in the current publishing environment, taking responsibility for marketing your own book to your defined target audience is imperative.

I am happy to welcome Dorit Sasson back to discuss why a book launch is an important part of your author platform. She speaks from her own successful experience of launching her memoir this year and is offering a free teleseminar on 3 Easy Steps to Get the Online Fans You Need to Launch Your Book on December 6, 7 and 11.

Dorit Sasson is the founder of Giving Voice to Your Courage podcast and website. She supports heart-centered business owners and authors build visibility and increase engagement with their platforms. Her groundbreaking memoir Accidental Soldier: A Memoir of Service and Sacrifice in the Israel Defense Forces was a finalist for the USA Best Books Awards, Next Generation Indie Book Awards and Santa Fe Literary Awards and is also a widely read handbook on how to become more courageous in life.

Welcome back, Dorit!

Dorit Sasson, Author, Blogger, Speaker and Radio Talk Host

Why Bother Doing a Book Launch?

You write a book. You try your luck getting it published. You come up with a robust marketing plan that shows evidence of reaching your target audience. And eventually, comes the day to launch your book.

Let’s face it: planning for that special day can be terribly overwhelming. Not to mention stressful. So much from the setup to the outreach. And while a book launch seems to be a no-brainer, it causes major anxiety. All of a sudden, the spotlight (and pressure) is all on them. How should I present my book? What parts of my book should I read if anything? What kinds of marketing materials should I bring to such an event? And the questions go on and on…

As one who has gone through the complicated and daunting process of both traditional and hybrid publishing route as well as overseeing the entire crowdfunding process for my memoir by getting 100 supporters in 45 days, I have experienced first-hand that high wave of emotion of what it feels like to release my book to the world. But in retrospect, that special day was more of a disappointment. The lack of attendees wasn’t at all representative of my growing following online. And although I had spread the word locally to close friends, almost everyone in that audience was new.

I also did the event at a local library, which wasn’t terribly commercial like doing a book launch at a bookstore. Some of the attendees mentioned they’d check the book out as soon as it entered the library system! I had also scheduled back-to back events on release day which depleted me of the much needed energy I needed for an evening book launch event.

Dorit at one of her many book events

Had I given some thought to the “why” behind launching my book, I would have stayed motivated and focused on the launch without getting unnecessarily stressed. I probably wouldn’t have fretted over the low turnout or even get turned-off by some of the questions. Read on for why launching a book really and truly matters.

You get to stand behind your book’s message

There’s nothing like a book launch to validate your message. (Click to Tweet)

You’re not just releasing the physical form of what you’ve manifested all those months, but you’re bearing witness to the emotional energy embedded in your book’s message. This energy can indeed be transformational – by that I mean, you’re talking about your book in a way that goes beyond the “writer hat.”

Not that you don’t have an opportunity to stand behind your book’s message at any book event, but.. a book launch officially validates your purpose. (Click to Tweet)

Why is your book important? Why is it necessary reading material in today’s age? How can it validate the good work you’re already doing to help build your author platform?

You get to rekindle old friendships and ramp up book sales

Even if you now live far away from where you originally grew up, consider launching your book in your hometown, which can lead to surprising results. Marianne Canedo Bohr, author of the memoir Gap Year Girl which documents her travel year abroad and I recently chatted on my podcast Giving Voice to Your Courage, about the courage it took to just pick up and leave.

She mentioned afterwards that she had a highly successful book launch event where the bookstore did some amazing publicity and her friends showed up by the dozens and brought their family and friends. She even contacted the local paper to tell them about the “native daughter comes home” story, which ran as a two page spread with photos about the book and event. The event was terrific for sales and now she is back in touch with so many old friends.

Bottom line: Word of mouth is extremely powerful. It can sell anything and especially, books.

You get to validate your work as an author by talking up your book

At your book launch, you aren’t just validating your book’s message, but yourself as the author, which is incredibly important for diversifying your work. In today’s digital day and age, the key to succeeding as an author means being able to get out there and speak about your book. Gone are the days when you could just stay home and write!

Patricia Fry author of Talk Up Your Book encourages speakers to look for opportunities to build this special kind of muscle. She says to “present your programs in safe zones (friendly territory), among family members, at your local Toastmasters club meeting, before your writer’s group, in front of your fellow business or civic club members. These are good opportunities for you to work the bus out of your presentations.”

After all, the course to speak is the courage to succeed.

 

Although you may feel insecure about being in the spotlight during your launch and prefer to just stay reticent, that special day can actually impact your career as an author in positive ways you never even thought possible.

Onwards to your book launch!

If you’ve enjoyed this article, I actually created a free course on how to build an engaging platform for launching your book. Click here and you can get it absolutely free.

Register for your free teleseminar on 3 easy steps to get more online fans prior to launching your book. (Click to Tweet)

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Thank you, Dorit for your wise words gleaned from your own successful launch of your memoir, Accidental Soldier. From my own personal experience launching my memoir, I learned to enjoy the process rather than feel intimidated by it. Meeting readers face-to-face is my favorite part. Your upcoming teleseminar will provide writers who feel reluctant to market with the necessary tools to launch their books and writing careers.

***

  How about you? Care to share your own experiences with a book launch? Do you have any questions for Dorit or tips to share?

We’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~

***

This Week:

Monday, 11/28/16:

 November 2016 Newsletter-Updates, Memoir Musings and Max Moments:

“The Gifts of Grief”

If you are interested in receiving this monthly newsletter via email, please sign up on the right sidebar. I’d love to have you along!

Next Week:

Monday, 12/5/16:

“7th Blogaversary Reflections”