Kathleen Pooler's Blog, page 28
October 3, 2016
Co-Authoring A Memoir With My Mother by Ivanka DiFelice
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler with Ivanka DiFelice
“Look for the ridiculous in everything and you will find it.”
Many mother-daughter memoirs portray scenarios ranging from complex relationships to abuse so when Ivanka DiFelice reached out to me about her memoir, My Zany Life: Growing Up in a Rooming House, which she co-authored with her mother, Anica Blazanin, I was intrigued.
Here’s the synopsis:
Together, a mother and a daughter gather their memories of a life full of happiness, sadness, and many hilarious moments, proving that hindsight not only is 20/20, but can also turn calamity into comedy.
The book takes us back in history to a small village in Croatia where her mother is introduced to a 1964 Ford Galaxy XL that has followers, stalkers, and even worshippers. Then she meets the man behind the wheel, and what follows proves that reality actually is stranger than fiction.
The author wrote this warm and witty memoir with affection for her colorful childhood, similar to the mood of The Glass Castle. This book will make you laugh, will make you cry, and will teach you that despite the sadness we all must face, the overall result can be a happy life. May it help you live life to the fullest with friends and family while you can, knowing that “time really is of the essence.”
Welcome, Ivanka And Anica!
Ivanka and her mom
Co-Authoring A Memoir With My Mother
Do you like hilarious true stories? Then you will enjoy My Zany Life: Growing Up in a Rooming House. Ivanka wrote this memoir along with my mother, Anica, an immigrant from Croatia. The intriguing book description includes, “Many people think it’s tragic to grow up in a poor neighborhood, but the author assures us it is equally tragic growing up in a rich neighborhood when you are poor.”
Ivanka answered a few questions about her life and her memoir:
KP: Tell us a little about where you grew up and what you mean by a rooming house. Most of us probably think of rooming or boarding houses as something out of history, like during the Gold Rush.
ID:At great personal sacrifice (the book explains just how great) my parents scrimped, saved and borrowed money for the down payment on a lovely, large house on a tree-lined street in a fancy neighborhood. However, in order to afford this home, they never had the option of just our family living there. The only way they could keep it would be to rent out most of the house, in the most profitable manner. Thus was born “The Rooming House,” which sat among, but apart from, other stately family-owned homes.
I grew up in the swanky west-end neighborhood of High Park—except our house and those who lived in it were anything but swanky. My dad, or Tata, as we call him, started his “real estate empire” after my younger brother, Steven, was born. If there was a skill in renting out rooms and knowing how to read people and letting only the good ones in, then my parents did not possess it. Hence, we shared our home with a host of colorful tenants: some good, some bad, some funny, and some sad. Yet we survived, and I fondly recall the humorous memories even now.
KP: You wrote this book with your mother. Was that a lot of fun, or did you have disagreements? Did you write chapters and she wrote chapters, or how did you go about writing?
ID: It was a lot of fun and we still love each other! We did not disagree on anything, however according to my mom the book is complete “thanks to my daughter who nagged me persistently to remember and to write what I have.” It is written in chronological order, so my mom wrote the chapters in the beginning and then makes a guest appearance in the middle and writes her conclusion on life at the end. The actual experience of writing with my mom can be summed up by my acknowledgments:
Congratulations are also in order to me, for the patience I mustered up while trying to decipher my mother’s notes and for partnering with probably the last known author to still use pen and paper and write in a painful scribble. My mother, well aware that English is not phonetic, applied her “more is more” theory and, just in case, added an extra vowel or consonant to each word. She demonstrated her creativity with each draft she sent me and she challenged my math. Sentences were written vertically and horizontally, and pages were randomly numbered, rarely in order. Celebrate the completion of this book with us, for it is nothing short of a miracle!
Yet as a final note, I want to thank my mom for being who she is and for having taught us the valuable lessons she did.
KP: Your parents have an interesting story of how they met in Croatia. How did they meet and how did they end up in Toronto?
ID: I don’t want to do a spoiler so let’s just say my mom lived in a small village in Croatia (formerly Yugoslavia). She lived like everyone else in the village, about ten feet from the main road. And once in a while, that road was blessed with the vision of a 1964 Ford Galaxy XL zooming past. The rest is history but let’s just say I owe my life to the Ford Galaxy.
KP: You’ve had quite a life. What will readers enjoy or learn from your third book about growing up in a rooming house?
ID: I hope readers will see that despite difficult circumstances, children can still be happy and, at that, with little. That being deprived materially does not mean you have to be deprived of happiness. Also, that it’s possible to look back on less than ideal situations without viewing them with bitterness but, instead, if we choose to, we can recall those memories through eyes of humor. It also shows the power of forgiveness and letting go – my mom is a wonderful example of a woman who was able to do just that.
And by the last chapter I am certain that anyone renting out rooms or apartments in their house (or even their shed) will definitely confirm references!
KP: Do you have any advice for people wanting to write funny memoirs?
ID: Dig into your memories and find situations that make people laugh, then expand on them. Think of stories you tell that others find amusing. During difficult situations jot down notes that can later be expanded on and can usually be viewed as a lot funnier than while you were actually enduring them. Chapter 68: George—The Human Boomerang is a case in point.
To quote my mom, “Ivanka taught me how to look on the funny side of life—not that all occasions could be viewed that way, but many could, and why not focus on those? As someone said, ‘Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. It’s much better to try to find humor in the situations we encounter.”
Author Bios:
Ivanka Di Felice is a writer living in Tuscany. She will assure you that it’s far less pretentious than it sounds. She owes her life to a 1964 Ford Galaxy XL. Her heritage proves that on occasion, reality is stranger than fiction. Ivanka has written the Zany Series of books describing a life of wacky adventures. In her quest for sanity, she decided never to own a rooming house.
Anica Blažanin, mother of Ivanka, was born in Croatia. More than five decades ago, she left her village of Mučna Reka, meaning “Sickening River,” for Canada with two battered, borrowed suitcases and a dream. Her life abroad was far from what she had envisioned. Regardless, she proves that despite life not always delivering what we have dreamed of, we can still be very happy.
Visit Ivanka’s Amazon page to see all her books.
***
Thank you, Ivanka for sharing your message of finding the humor in challenging life situations. You and your mother have a unique accomplishment in co-authoring your memoir. I wish you much success with your books.
***
How about you? Have you used humor to get through a challenging life event? Can you imagine co-authoring a memoir with your own mother?
We’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~
Next Week:
Monday, 10/10/16:
“Recap of Indie Author Day at My Local Library”
September 26, 2016
Mastering the Ordeal Through Writing: A Memoir Moment
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler
“Mastering others is strength. Mastering yourself is true power.” Lao Tzu
Mastering the Ordeal Through Writing : A Memoir Moment
In her latest book, Creativity Unzipped, spiritual contemplavist and author Jan Phillips and co-author Ruth Westreich explore creativity through story, science and research, reinforcing that we all have creative powers within us.
One of the main premises of the book is “when we master the ordeal, we are creating our lives.”
Who doesn’t have ordeals in their lives? We all do. How do we master them?
My healing from a fractured wrist after a fall on July 26 has been slow and while I have the sense that I am making progress, some days are more difficult than others. The limitations in my fine motor movements in my left hand is humbling and frustrating. It’s amazing what I can still do with my right hand yet here are so many activities that require the use of both hands…cutting meat, opening jars or water bottles, slicing an onion…and , oh the pain and stiffness. But I won’t go there.
I’d rather share a piece—a flight of ideas– I wrote in Jan’s workshop at the recent IWWG Writer’s Conference at Muhlenberg College in Allentown Pennsylvania. The title of her workshop was “Stop Learning. Start Knowing”
Jan encouraged us to “share the inner workings of our own conflict”, highlighting that “our power comes from the awareness of what our gifts are”.
She read a stanza from Mary Oliver’s long poem, The Leaf and the Cloud as a prompt and it lead me to these thoughts about all the ways peritoneal dialysis has impacted my life over this past year and how I have “mastered the ordeal”.
Mastering the Ordeal
Through jungles of weeds and broken branches, through rivers, raging and rolling, through mountain rugged and steep, I have traversed.
Keep moving…one step at a time…stopping to rest, rejuvenate, persisting on this trail of tears.
Seeking a clearing in the sky that signals brighter days, searching for clear paths and known destinations.
Hoping, always hoping.
Body weary, heart heavy, the burdens overwhelm.
Setting bags down…waking away…one bag at a time.
My pace quickens, the chains released. Lighter.
My feet carry me down the hill to the crystal clear pond.
I am free to bathe in the soothing, cool waters and rest in the light of the sun.
I have arrived.
***
We writers have a gift.
Through the written word, we are able to clarify, label and give voice to the intense feelings that rage inside when we are confronted with life’s challenges.
I am grateful to give voice to these feelings and to share them with others. As I write, I find hope for better days. I see the circumstance for what it is. I honor the story within that shapes who I am and how I see myself. And when I share it, others have the opportunity to connect to their own stories through my story.
Our vulnerability is the source of our greatest strength.
Pity parties and meltdowns have their place but not for long. Writing will always be there to lift me into a new dimension of awareness and acceptance.
Indeed, writing helps me master the ordeal and create my life.
***
How about you? How do you master the ordeal? Does writing help you tap into your creativity?
I’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~
***
ANNOUNCEMENT: Congratulations to Debby Gies for winning Joan Rough’s memoir, Scattering Ashes!
This week:
Monday, 9/26/16:
September 2016 Newsletter of Updates, Memoir Musings and Max Moments:
“September is for Color Walking”
Next Week:
Monday, 10/03/16:
“ Co-Authoring A Memoir with My Mother by Ivanka DiFelice”
Ivanka is the author of a series of memoirs, called The Zany Life Series. Her latest one, My Zany Life: Growing Up in a Rooming House was released in July, 2016.
September 19, 2016
Finding Forgiveness by Memoir Author Joan Rough
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler with JoanRough/ @JoanZRough
“It’s one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself, to forgive. Forgive everybody.”~Maya Angelou
Photo Credit: FreeGoogle Images “Peace on Shore”
I am thrilled to feature my good friend and memoir author Joan Rough in this guest post on “Finding Forgiveness” and to support her in the exciting launch of her memoir, Scattering Ashes: A Memoir of Letting Go. Years ago, I had the honor of doing a beta read on her manuscript and found it to be a powerful tribute to the power of forgiveness.
Joan and I met online and were very fortunate to meet in person for the first time in 2015 in Chincoteague, Virginia in a wonderful writer’s retreat at Janet Givens cabin on Oyster Bay along with Marian Beaman and Shirley Showalter.
My reviews of Scattering Ashes can be found on Amazon, Goodreads, LibraryThings and Riffle.
Welcome, Joan!
Memoir Author Joan Rough
Finding Forgiveness
“I forgive you” and “please forgive me,” are phrases that have been used every day, every where, since the beginning of time. But what do they really mean? Why would we forgive someone who has seriously hurt us? How do we handle the resentment and anger we can’t seem to shake? And when we ask another person for forgiveness, what is it that we want from them? Do we truly recognize and own the pain we’ve caused them?
It wasn’t until my mother died, nine years ago, that I truly began to understand what the word forgiveness meant. She’d been living in my home, under my care for almost seven years. Her health had been failing and rather than talking her into moving into an assisted living facility, I decided to be the good daughter and care for her myself. I didn’t realize we would cause each other so much pain.The steadiness of our relationship had been questionable for years. She was an alcoholic. I had difficulty accepting her behavior when she was under the influence. And when she wasn’t I never forgot how she was when she had been drinking.
The first six or seven months of being together were fine … mostly pleasant. She was not drinking. There were issues but I believed things were getting better between us. But as her health deteriorated and she needed pain killers to help manage her discomfort, the peace we’d been holding for each other began to erode. The pills she was given for her pain caused the same sorts of behavior that alcohol did.
She became terribly abusive. I began having memory flashes from my childhood of being beaten by my father, and screaming for my mother to stop him. But she always disappeared at those times. And when I was being disobedient and/or simply being a kid, she continually threatened me with, “Wait till your father comes home and I tell him what you have done.” That in itself began my life-long journey with overwhelming anxiety. I never knew what was going to happen. I waited in fear for my father to walk through the door to see if she would tell on me or not. Would he beat me or simply glare at me as we sat around the dinner table eating our evening meal?
As Mom grew sicker, our time together became extremely difficult. We argued and mentally bruised each other on a daily basis. Her denial of what was happening and my anxiety over what might happen next made her last years a living hell. When she died in May of 2007, I was left feeling confused, angry, filled with hatred for her, and strangely, also missing her. I felt my life had no meaning and that I’d failed in my mission to make her last years as pleasant as they could be.
It took several years for me to sort myself out. I wanted to understand what had just happened. I wanted to leave my misery behind and live a more peaceful and meaningful life. I knew I had to change the way I looked at the past and the present. I began working with a psychologist whose specialty was trauma. She asked lots of questions and had me dig through never-ending mounds of memories, looking for the whys and wherefores of how I ended up feeling so broken.
As I dug through my parent’s lives I found a history of child abuse on my mother’s side, and PTSD on my father’s side. I wondered, “Why would I not be messed up?” I had been living with two people who were in horrible pain. Besides understanding that they had been suffering all of their lives, I began to accept and own the life I’d been dealt. There was nothing in my past that I could change. It was, what it was. But I could take charge of my future and leave my victimhood and my life-long “pity-party” behind.
But forgive them?
I’ve used the word forgiveness all of my life without truly knowing what it meant. I hadn’t yet learned that when you forgive someone you accept what they have done to you and hold no grudges or resentment. It does not mean that you must forget what they did to cause you discomfort. You need to recognize that they are in pain, just as you are. Then compassion for them and yourself begins to arise.
Giving forgiveness or asking for it is a promise. It means complete acceptance and being able to leave the pain behind. It helps us to live a more authentic life without blaming ourselves or some other person. That is the point when anger and hatred turns to love. Despite Mom’s abuse, I am grateful for the years I spent caring for her. Without them and the history I uncovered, I would not understand what forgiveness is all about.
Photo Credit: Free Google Image
***
Thank you, Joan for showing us how “anger and hatred can turn to love”. Your raw and poignant story will touch many struggling with forgiving abusive parents. You show how forgiveness is a gift you can give yourself. Now you can live with freedom and joy. That is a powerful message for all of us.
***
Author’s Bio and Contact Information:
Joan Z. Rough is a visual artist and writer. Her poetry has appeared in numerous journals, and is included in Mariflo Stephens’ anthology, Some Say Tomato. Her first book, AUSTRALIAN LOCKER HOOKING: A New Approach to a Traditional Craft, was published in 1980. She lives in Charlottesville, Virginia, with her husband, Bill, her two dogs, Sam and Max, and crazy cat, Lilliput.
Joan can be reached at:
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Book Synopsis:When her alcoholic and emotionally abusive mother’s health declines, Joan Rough invites her to move in with her. Rough longs to be the “good daughter,” helping her narcissistic mother face the reality of her coming death. But when repressed memories of childhood abuse by her mother arise, Rough is filled with deep resentment and hatred toward the woman who birthed her, and her dream of mending their tattered relationship shatters. Seven years later, when her mother dies, she is left with a plastic bag of her mother’s ashes and a diagnosis of PTSD. What will she do with them?
***
How about you? How have you learned to move on from the challenges in your life? Have you found forgiveness?
Joan has offered to give away a copy of Scattering Ashes : A Memoir of Letting Go to a commenter whose name will be selected in a random drawing.
We’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~
***
Next Week:
Monday, 9/26/16:
“Mastering the Ordeal Through Writing: A Memoir Moment”
September 2016 Newsletter:
If you are interested in receiving this newsletter via email, please sign-up in the right sidebar. I’d love to have you along.
September 12, 2016
Ready For The Refiner’s Fire: The Hard Work of Memoir Writing
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler
“Look, I have refined you, but not as severely as silver; rather I have tested you in the furnace of affliction” ~ Isaiah 48:10
Photo Credit: Pixabay Free Image
“Refiner’s fire”, a scripture-based term often associated with the Mormon religion, portrays “a rebirth out of spiritual adversity so we can become new creatures”. But one does not have to be a Mormon or a Christian to experience this phenomenon.
The process is one of purification of precious metals by fire to remove impurities that make a precious metal less than it should be.
The concept of weathering the storms of life so as to be born anew, renewed in heart and spirit certainly applies to all of us, regardless of our religious or spiritual beliefs.
Anyone who tackles writing a memoir—a personal story told as honestly as possible– can relate to the daunting task at hand, not unlike the purification that occurs in the refiner’s fire.
Because of the intricacies of revealing personal details of not only yourself but others, it often takes years to go from the desire to share a story to the publication of a refined, vetted memoir with universal appeal.
Photo Credit: Google Images
I have been studying the art and craft of memoir writing in earnest since 2009 and can attest to how it is.
As columnist and author Jana Reiss cites in this post, “Please Don’t Write Your Memoir”:
“You’ll need to work up to it.”
She encourages writers to “grow in their craft, build an audience and toughen up their writerly skin” further advising that your first book not be a memoir.
I already broke that rule since my first published book is a memoir.
And I know what she is talking about.
The private details of my life are out there for all the world to see and I have been judged and criticized by some readers for the choices I made.
Vulnerability is a huge issue for anyone writing memoir.
But, I’m an adult and have learned from my mistakes. I chose to publish anyway. And I’m glad I did because it has been through that vulnerability that my story has reached readers.
With the first draft of my second memoir completed, I am ready for the refiner’s fire again. The skeleton of my story needs to be fleshed out and developed more fully…the impurities removed. This is where the real work begins and therein lies the dilemma.
The story, though written from a mother’s point of view relies heavily on two important characters, my children.
Though we’ve all moved on, reading the story takes us all back to an intensely painful time. Both have told me after reading it that they need to step away from it for now.
It will take time to work through these emotions and my children will get the time and space they need to process it. I am committed to writing the right story for the right reason.
We will need to be kind and gentle with one another as we move forward. As I’ve said, I’m a mother first, then I’m a writer.
I’m not only ready for the refiner’s fire, I feel like I’m already in the furnace.
It could be that it’s not the right time to publish this story…yet. But I will keep writing from the heart and continue to trust in the process.
I’d like to end with this story taken from this post:
“A woman visited a silversmith to understand the purification process.
“Sir,” she said, “do you sit while the work of refining is going on?”
“Oh, yes, Madam,” replied the silversmith; “I must sit with my eye steadily fixed on the furnace, for if the time necessary for refining be exceeded in the slightest degree, the silver will be injured.”
As the lady was leaving the shop, the silversmith called her back, and said he had forgotten to mention that the only way that he knows when the process of purifying is complete when he sees his own image reflected in the silver…”
Author Unknown
When I see my own image reflected in the silver, I’ll know my story is ready to be published.
Photo Credit: Pixabay Free Image
***
How about you? Have you felt the heat of the furnace while writing your memoir? How do you endure the process?
I’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~
***
ANNOUNCEMENT:
Congratulations, Sam Davies! You are the winner of Jan Marshall’s memoir Dancin’ Schmancin’.
Next Week:
Monday, 9/19/16:
“Finding Forgiveness by Memoir Author Joan Rough”
Joan is the author of Scattering Ashes:A Memoir of Letting Go and is offering a book giveaway to a commenter whose name will be selected in a random drawing.
September 5, 2016
Tips on Finding the Humor in Writing: Laughter Heals And Connects Us by Memoirist Jan Marshall
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler with Jan Marshall/@janmarshmellow
“In between the pain and disappointments life brings to all lives, the fact is that in between most of this, Not a Shred of Evidence actually Exists That Life is Serious” ~Jan Marshall
I am pleased to feature Jan Kellerman in this guest post about how incorporating humor into memoir writing has helped her. Jan was Founder of the International Humor and Healing Institute, circa 1984. Board members included Norman Cousins, SteveAllen, John Cleese, Dr. Bernie Siegel, and other healers and entertainers.
Here is their mission statement :
“Humor as a universal language promotes rapport among individuals. It has the potential, along with art,athletics, and music in creating a liaison between people, perhaps the ultimate common denominator. Through shared laughter we will bring about our global purpose of caring for one another”.
Jan and I met online several years ago. She is the author of a memoir, Dancin’ Schmancin’: Finding the Humor No Matter What!
My reviews can be found on Amazon, Goodreads, LibraryThings and Riffle.
Welcome, Jan!
Author and Humorist Jan Marshall
Tips on Finding Humor in Writing: Laughter Heals and Connects Us.
My Journey to Humor Writing:
I started writing when I made up funny stories and verses for my children. My first success was a poem sold to the Wall St. Journal’s editorial page for the fee of $5.00. This was back in the last century…I never cashed the check and since Dow Jones owned the journal, I think I may have been responsible for the economic slow down as the accountants figured out the trillions but could not figure out where the five bucks was.
Thereafter, I sold more lite verse to Good Housekeeping magazine for $85. That was a thrill.
While writing humor for several magazines, and receiving many rejection notices, one piece that was accepted in Los Angeles Magazine caught the attention the California Daily News AKA The Green Sheet and I was asked to be their humor columnist.
After noticing a press release that a major publisher, Pinnacle Books, moved to California, on the spur of the moment and in a brave moment that appears every once in a while, I called their office. The receptionist said they do not usually publish humor but she’d connect me to an editor. In a lengthy and funny conversation, the editor Carole Garland said,
“Well, send me a sample of Eat Over The Sink” (the original title of my first book).
Ultimately they accepted the book, the title was changed to“Still Hanging In There: Confessions of a Totaled Woman which is still available in some places and I was on my way to media appearances and speeches.
This first book included a large advance, royalties,and a publisher that did everything; cover design, editing, marketing, scheduling book signings and media appearance and anything that was required to make the book a success. All I had to do was appear.
The book and my ability to ad lib funny lines opened up doors that I could not imagine. When advising writers, I always suggests they accumulate their writings and get a book out, an e book is fine as a wonderful calling card.
As I was often asked to consult on humor and healing, I became a clinical hypnotherapist and formed the International Humor and Healing Institute where I exchanged techniques with Norman Cousins and the physicians.
I also became an early member of Woman In Film because of my many media appearances and eventually hosted my own two television series.
One guest was Steve Allen. We connected really well and ultimately I became a semi- regular on Steve’s syndicated WNEW radio show.
Looking for humor in traumatic situations…
While lots of good things were happening there were traumas that taught me many lessons,
“I get it! Enough with the lessons already”
Among the incidents was the ending of a 25 year marriage, breast cancer and later on a brain tumor.
There were lots of tears to the point that I wished tears had calories and I’d be a tall thin blonde instead of the short chubette that chemo brings to many woman when the hormones are no longer functioning.
What always made me feel better was connecting and assisting others who had been challenged and I formed “Jan’s Army” where I sent badges to other cancer survivors. And then I looked for the humor; always my saving grace. I am currently an expert on humor and healing for boomers and beyond and writes humor columns for 4 different American newspapers and one in Canada called the Sage News.
“Jan’s Army” badge
I compiled several for columns and essays for my current book, Dancin’ Schmancin with the Scars: Finding the Humor No Matter What! for sale on Amazon and many other outlets. Because of the drastic changes in publishing, this book was self-published. Dancin is simply a code word for anything that gives one pleasure.
One lucky reader will receive a free autographed copy.
I am of the mindset that whatever genre you write in, humor can always be added as it is a most natural characteristic of humans.
Sometimes, I claim, when we become “mature” we think we have to be serious. I do not agree.
We just may have forgotten our natural instinct to remember the laughter, which is so physically and emotionally healthy.
SOME TIPS TO FIND THE HUMOR
*Pretend you are a humor columnist and have to report one amusing incident each day to collect your salary. In the beginning, just like keeping a grateful list, you may feel a tad challenged, in the beginning but all of a sudden you will find humor all around you and who knows; perhaps will write your own book!
• Rent funny movies, buy comedy tapes and books particularly when you are going through a stressful episode.
*View your life as a sit-com. Who would you cast as your family, your boss or yourself?This could be amusing and make you giddy!
*Carry an item like a kazoo, a rubber chicken (or a cooked one) or anything in your purse or attaché case as a gentle reminder to lighten up.
***
Author Contact Information:
http://www.amazon.com/Dancin-Schmancin-Scars-Finding-Matter/dp/0988514605
Website:www.authorjanmarshall.com
Facebook: www.Facebook.com/janmarshallauthor
LinkedIN: www.Linkedin.com/jankellermanmarshall
Twitter: www.Twitter.com/janmarshmellow
Pinterest: www.Pinterest.com/justjanmarshall
***
Thank you Jan for sharing your fascinating career and for shedding light on the importance of humor in our life and in writing. We can all use some reminders about lightening up. Carrying a rubber chicken would do it for me!
***
How about you? Does humor help you get through stressful times? Do you incorporate humor into your writing?
As Jan mentioned, an autographed copy of Dancin’ Shmancin’ with Scars will be offered to a commenter whose name will be selected in a random drawing.
We’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~
***
Next Week:
Monday, 9/12/16:
“Ready for the Refiner’s Fire: The Hard Work of Memoir Writing”
August 29, 2016
Some Thoughts on Writing About Your Children in Memoir
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler
“Making the decision to have a child…is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside of your body.” Elizabeth Stone
Our children are our treasures, our legacy, our future. We spend years teaching them how to live in the world then send them off to find their own way, hoping that the foundation we’ve created will be enough.
A mother’s natural instinct is to protect them from harm.
So what happens when you are also a writer and the story you have to tell involves your children in various stages of development? They are key to your story.
I realize many would chose not to write about their children and I respect their decision. I, however, feel strongly connected to my purpose for writing this memoir—to share hope with other parents of addicts—and have made a conscious decision to move forward with it. This is the story I started to write years ago until another story revealed itself.
It is the story of my heart.
My two children, now adults, played a prominent role in my first memoir, Ever Faithful to His Lead: My Journey Away From Emotional Abuse. But they were small children and it was a bit less complicated than it will be with my work-in-progress second memoir, tentatively titled The Edge of Hope: A Mother’s Journey Through Her Son’s Addiction. My son’s struggle and my daughter’s responses are front and center in this narrative. If I’m going to share a mother’s perspective, I have to show specific events.
But how can I do this without embarrassing my children or risk divulging personal information that may make them uncomfortable?
We all lived through it and, more important, made it to the other side. And that’s the main point—in overcoming obstacles, we can show how it is possible. We can share our hope that others in similar situations can do the same.
Here are a few thoughts that have guided me in writing about my children:
First, I am a mother and then I am a writer so my instinct to protect them has influenced my memoir writing process.
That’s why it has taken me so long to reach the point of finishing up my first draft. I started journaling about it in 1998 as a means of coping with the enormity of seeing my son struggle with addiction. There’s no way of sugar-coating the painful scenes.
I have shared vignettes with both my children over the years to get feedback and offer them the opportunity to make changes. It has opened up the communication among us and validated their experiences. They are both very open about their responses and I feel the process has been a healing one for all of us.
Last year, when I knew for certain that I wanted to complete the memoir, I asked my son how he felt about it, asking his permission to move forward.
His response, “This is your story. Pour it on the page, Mom and then we’ll talk.”
He is visiting this week and will read the manuscript. I’ll admit, I’m a little nervous. Although it is my story told from a mother’s point of view, it is about him.
He’ll read it and then we’ll talk…
He will have veto power as will my daughter.
Silence is shrouded in shame.
Photo Credit: Google Free Images
Writing this memoir has helped us break the silence surrounding addiction and move forward into a life of serenity.
***
How about you? Do you have any tips or thoughts about writing about your children?
I’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~
***
ANNOUNCEMENT:
Congratulations, Merril Smith. You are the winner of Michelle Monet’s poetic memoir, Catch a Poem by the Tale!
This Week:
Monday, 8/29/16:
August 2016 Newsletter: “Recharging Your Creative Batteries”
If you are interested in receiving this monthly newsletter via email, you can sign up on the right side bar. I’d love to have you along!
Next Week:
Monday, 9/5/16: “Tips on Finding Humor in Writing: Laughter Heals and Connects Us by Memoirist Jan Marshall”
Jan is the author of Dancin’Schmancin’ With Scars: Finding The Humor No Matter What. She will give away a copy of her memoir to a commenter whose name will be selected in a random drawing.
August 22, 2016
How Poetry Is Helping Me Write My Memoir by Michelle Monet
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler with Michelle Monet/@mmonet
“I would define in brief, the poetry of words as the rhythmic creation of Beauty.” Edgar Allen Poe
Photo Credit: Flickr Creative Commons “Hydrangeas”
I am very pleased to feature author, artist, impersonator/entertainer Michelle Monet in this guest post about her memoir writer’s journey. Michelle describes herself as a “multi-faceted creative human being. Creativity could be her middle name” and when you read her bio (below), you will understand why. We met online and I have had the privilege of following her on her journey. When she felt stuck with the enormity of writing her life story, she chose to step back and turn to poetry. She recently published her first”poetic memoir”, Catch a Poem By The Tale, and she is working on several other poetry books. She has also completed her second poetry book, Limerick Explosion.
We all have our way way to the finish line. I would say Michelle is happily writing poetry on her way to writing her life story.
My reviews of Catch a Poem by the Tale can be found on Amazon, Goodreads, LibraryThings and Riffle.
Welcome, Michelle!
Michelle Monet
How Poetry Is Helping Me Write My Memoir
A lifetime ago I was 27 years old. When I add another half, I’ll be 81. E I G H T Y – O N E!
So, I decided that now is the time to write this book.
No excuses. No putting it off. No hemming and hawing. No waiting for a perfect time. Is there ever a perfect time? Five months ago my beloved cat BigBoy died when I began to write and a floodgate opened in my brain.
Poems flew from my pen all hours of the day and night and I followed that flow .
I obsessively spewed out words for months, or, as my friend Barb coined it I ‘verbally vomited’ onto the page!
My inner voice told me that now was the time to tell my story.
I have been a singer. A performer. An entertainer. An impersonator. A guitarist, songwriter and visual artist. I am also a survivor of domestic violence, panic disorder and a dependency on prescribed medication. Oh, and I’m a crazy cat lady too!
Michelle’s cats
I decid ed to write my life story, partly to come to terms with my past and partly because I have a story that needs to be told .
I also realized how much I loved to write and I knew I was finally ready to face it all after twenty years. I began sifting through my old journals and discovered I had over 50 full journals written from age 8 until now. I opened one of my first journals and realized how much I loved writing and poetry even as a child …the rhymes, the words, the flow of pencil on paper. It was obvious that I’ve always had a passion for words.
Writing is fun, pure and simple, FUN. So, I am doing this NOW.
This poetic memoir, Catch a Poem by the Tale, is a compilation of my struggles, triumphs and a detour from my original memoir which I will get back to after finishing this book.
My hope is to be happily writing away in my twilight years with a book or two or ten completed. Or, a half a lifetime from now I could be a toothless crazy old woman sitting in my rocking chair with a lap full of half -finished writings collecting dust. Either way I will be 27 years older. We all will be. The whole process of writing and compiling this book has been fun for me and I look forward to writing my next one! …
Here is an excerpt from Catch a Poem by the Tale, page 92 :
DON’T RAIN ON HER CHARADE
She didn’t care much for the smug critics
Nor their pompous analytics
Tired of the arrogant skeptics
She just wanted to be alone
to write her lyrics
She wanted to forget the numbing events
Not drown in the somber old pretense
Beyond the stark white picket fence
DON’T RAIN ON HER CHARADE!
No more hiding behind her curtain
Even though she might be hurtin’
Ideas she hoped would soon be perkin’
DON’T RAIN ON HER CHARADE!
She wanted it neatly tied up in a bow
So the shreds of regret and the blood wouldn’t show
She wanted it neat–Didn’t want them to know
DON’T RAIN ON HER CHARADE!
the joy is in the doing…
Author Bio
Michelle Monet’s career began as a singer/songwriter guitarist act in lounges around the Denver area. She progressed to performing her original music in cabaret clubs and concert halls around the US. In 1989 she landed the role as a Barbra Streisand impersonator for the hit show Legends in Concert. She traveled throughout the US appearing in Las Vegas, Lake Tahoe, and Atlantic City, and around the world in countries from Russia to Japan to South Africa.
In 1996, while starring in a production in Sun City, South Africa she suddenly had a passion to switch callings from music to visual art. Since then she has sold her art in her gallery/studio and at art shows and festivals. She continues to make and sell her unique creations for happy customers and collectors.
Her upcoming memoir will be about her life in show business including her surviving domestic violence, panic disorder and a dependency on prescribed medication.
These days you can find Michelle typing away in between making art and chilling with her 5 cats in the Smoky mountains.
Contact Information:
Twitter:@michellemonet.com
Website:www.mmichellemonet.com
Blog:www.michellemonet.com/blog
Facebook: Facebook.com/michellemonetcreations
Amazon Author Page and buy link.
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Thank you for sharing your journey with us, Michelle. You have come up with a very creative way to deal with writer’s block. You show us how turning to poetry and art have primed the pump for your memoir writing. Best wishes!
***
How about you? What do you do when you are stuck in writing your memoir? Have you turned to other creative activities?
Michelle has graciously offered to give away a copy of Catch A Poem By The Tale to a commenter whose name will be selected in a random drawing.
We’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~
Next Week:
Monday, 8/29/16:
“Some Thoughts on Writing About Your Children in Memoir”
August 2016 Newsletter: “Recharging Creative Batteries”
August 15, 2016
Unearthing Treasures: A Memoir Moment
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler
“That which you are seeking has also been seeking you.” Clarissa Pinkola-Estes, Women Who Run With Wolves.
Photo Credit: Google Free Images
How often have you sat down to write with one intention in mind only to have unexpected memories—people, places, things– pop up?
Writing is like a treasure hunt and the source of the treasure is within you.
In her book, Bringing the Soul Back Home: Writing in the New Consciousness, Katya Williamson describes unexpected encounters with new material as “the unearthing process”.
This happened to me recently during a workshop at the International Women’s Writing Guild (IWWG) Annual Conference, “Writing From Our Religious Past” with author and social activist Kathleen O’Shea.
My faith has always played a key role in my life and shows up as a prominent theme in my writing. I wanted to dig deeper into this. Why is it important, how does it manifest itself in my life and how can I do it justice through my writing?
Kathleen handed out a sheet of paper with lists of religious terms, “priest, synagogue, chalice, etc”. She instructed us to circle five terms that had meaning to us and then begin writing for 15 minutes.
That’s all it took to take me to my First Communion Day, 1953.
I certainly hadn’t given that memory much thought for years. At the age of seven, I was diagnosed and treated for Rheumatic Fever which meant being homebound and on bed rest for my entire second-grade year. A teacher came to the house to tutor me. The feeling I had from that time was one of isolation and feeling different. I wanted to run and play like the other kids. I hated feeling different and weak.
First Communion Day, 1953 Kathy on left, Re-Re on right
The photo shows two young girls in frilly, white dresses, standing side-by-side, veils swaying in the soft May breeze and wearing white patent leather Mary Janes with white lace-fringed sox. The girls stand tall and proud.
The grown-ups are dressed in their Sunday best; Mom in her gray A-line dress, black pumps and wide-brimmed black straw hat; Dad in his suit. It’s a special day and I’m excited.
But I can’t climb the steps to the church.
Dad cradles me in his strong arms, then sets me down at the top of the stairs next to my classmates. After Mass, he carries me to my place on the step so I can join the rest of the children.
My face flushes. I feel so embarrassed and ashamed that I can’t walk on my own…
Reflection:
After recapturing the shame I felt that day through this writing exercise, I felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude and love for my father and his gentleness in placing me next to my classmates. How sad he must have felt for his little girl.
The shame that had always been associated with this memory melted into an awareness of a deep sense of love of a father for his daughter. I always knew it was there, but to recapture it in such a tangible moment like this is priceless.
It is only the beginning, but tapping into this memory and finding such a treasure makes me wonder how any more treasures are waiting to be unearthed.
It is a treasure beyond measure.
Photo Credit: Flickr Creative Commons
The treasures lie within. We only need to write our way to them.
***
How about you? What treasures have you unearthed through your writing?
I’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~
***
ANNOUNCEMENT:
Congratulations to Donna Marie for being the winner of CStreetlights’ memoir, Tea and Madness!
Next Week:
Monday, 8/22/16:
“How Poetry Helped Me To Write My Memoir.” A Guest Post by Michelle Monet, author of a poetic memoir, Catch a Poem by the Tale. Michelle has offered to give away a copy of her poetic memoir to a commenter whose name will be selected in a random drawing.
August 8, 2016
How Ghostwriters Help Memoirists by C.Streetlights
Posted by Kathleen Pooler /@kathypooler with CStreetlights/@CStreetlights
I am pleased to feature author and ghostwriter C.Streetlights in this guest post about how ghostwriters can help memoirists. Cee and I met on Twitter.
Her own memoir, Tea and Madness, has been described by a reviewer as “a lovely and touching book about a woman’s triumph over trials both physical and emotional. For those who have experienced profound loss or grief, this book will be a comfort to you. For those struggling past abuse, C. Streetlights illuminates the topic with clarity, exposing the ugliness of abusers and the healing nature of letting go. Both poetry and memoir, this book has a musical quality, some of the lines need to be read and re-read, a five star experience in a handful of full, emotionally appealing small paragraphs.”
Cee will give away a copy of her memoir to a commenter whose name will be selected in a random drawing.
Welcome, Cee!
Author CStreetlights
How Ghostwriters Help Memoirists
A common misconception is that only famous people write memoirs, or worse, memoirs are only written by those who have had lived exciting or important lives. For some reason, people seem to think that their lives are not worth writing about; they’ve accepted the false images perpetuated by society and media that ordinary people are not able to contribute anything worth remembering. What happens, then, when the common person feels as if his or her life’s is not worth remembering is an emotional dismissal. The end result is what Thoreau prophesied in Walden, “The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.”
None of this true.
The memoir is one of the most beautiful devices of literature available to readers and one of my favorites to write. Why? Because it has a unique ability to connect readers to memoirists in a way that other writing simply isn’t able to, and this is why it is vital for all stories to be validated as being important enough to be written – regardless of who owns the story.
Memoirs provide our culture with a rich collection of voices that remind the canon they lived.
I can’t do it! Yes you can.
Yet what happens when people want to write their memoirs but feel like it’s an impossible task? Maybe their work schedules won’t accommodate the project, or they’ve tried to and the end result isn’t exactly what they had in mind. It’s possible; they just don’t know it yet. All they need is confidence in themselves and the help of a ghostwriter.
A ghostwriter can help you in varying stages of your memoir, from preparing the outline all the way to writing the entire manuscript. I have written not only my own memoir, Tea and Madness, but have another one completed waiting for publication. Not only this, but I have ghostwritten other projects for a variety of clients. (I do not reveal whom I have ghostwritten for due to client confidentiality.)
What should you and your ghostwriter discuss before beginning?
First and foremost, this is your memoir – a literary record of your own personal memories – not your ghostwriter’s. It is extremely important that you and your ghostwriter have the same objectives in mind before the writing even begins. Because I feel so passionately about this, I’ve listed some discussion points to consider having with your ghostwriter at some point of your memoir project, if not write at the start:
Audience – Is your memoir for a general audience, family, cancer survivors, mothers, etc.?
Objective – Is your memoir for publication, checking off a bucket list, family history, etc.?
Flexibility – Are you willing to listen to your ghostwriter’s advice in how to best present your memoir pieces, or are you really wanting a transcriber?
Role – Once the manuscript is done, do you expect the ghostwriter to also edit and proofread?
Expectation – Have you clearly expressed to your ghostwriter what it is you want and given to him/her the information needed to execute the task properly?
Time frame – Is there a specific time that you want your finished manuscript back, or do you want it returned in stages? Do you prefer to conference with your ghostwriter as the manuscript progresses?
As you can see there are several things to consider when hiring a ghostwriter and these are just a few possibilities, though there can certainly be less as well. The few times when I have had conflicts they have centered on a client’s inability to be flexible or not clearly expressing what his/her expectations with me. If all clients would do just these two things alone, ghostwriting would be extraordinarily simpler. I’ll explain why.
Many times people visualize what they want their memoirs to sound like. Maybe they even think what they’ve written already looks like what their dream memoirs sound like, but for some reason they still hire ghostwriters when they perhaps should have hired editors and proofreaders. Then, the ghostwriters do what they’ve been hired to do: rewrite the drafts into something better than what it was, something that people will read. And the clients are angry because their pride is hurt. Client expectation did not match what the ghostwriter thought was the job.
I don’t fault either the client or the ghostwriter in this case. (Sometimes the client can be a jerk, but that’s another topic.) We are all romantically involved with our own life stories. They belong to us, and when they are changed in any way – even when the stories are still the same but told in a different way – we feel as if we were changed. And when we are changed, we feel it’s because we weren’t good enough the way we before. This is a painful side to memoir writing, the rejection of our stories. It can come from a ghostwriter who alters the way we’ve written something originally to a review on Amazon or Goodreads. The rejection of our writing can feel like a rejection of who we are.
Except that it isn’t.
Ghostwriters, the good ones anyway, will tell you that they aren’t changing your words, and – by extension – you. They are highlighting your stories so that readers will find your life memories and hear your voice. This is what memoirists do, you see, they use their voices to call out to others. By doing so nobody feels alone anymore, and we no longer live our lives in quiet desperation.
*image by Aaron Burden, courtesy of Unsplash
Author Bio:
After writing and illustrating her first bestseller in second grade, “The Lovely Unicorn”, C. Streetlights took twenty years to decide if she wanted to continue writing. In the time known as growing up she became a teacher, a wife, and mother. Retired from teaching, C. Streetlights now lives with her family in the mountains along with their dog that eats Kleenex. Her memoir, Tea and Madness won honorable mention for memoir in the Los Angeles Book Fair (2016) and is available for purchase on Amazon.
You can connect with C. Streetlights on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Amazon Author Central, LinkedIn, and Goodreads.
***
Thank you Cee for sharing these valuable tips about using ghostwriters for writing a memoir.
***
How about you? Have you ever considered using a ghostwriter for your life story? Do you have any questions for Cee?
Please be sure to leave a comment for a chance to receive a free copy of Tea And Madness.
We’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~
***
ANNOUNCEMENT:
Congratulations, Andrea Lewis. You are the winner of David W.Berner’s novel, Night Radio: A Love Story.
August 4, 2016
Why Rock ‘N Roll Inspires Me To Write: A WOW Blog Tour with David Berner
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler with David Berner/@davidwberner
“Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and that which cannot remain silent.”
― Victor Hugo
Welcome to David Berner’s WOW Blog Tour for his debut novel, Night Radio. Today he will discuss how music is a motivator and one of the best engines for writing.
Welcome, David!
Author David Berner
Why Rock N’ Roll Inspires Me To Write
I do not like writing in silence. Quiet makes me edgy. A librarian I am not. I prefer writing in coffee shops where I can take in the conversations and the whir of the espresso machine, and yes, the music rolling out of the shop’s speakers. Bring on Bob Dylan. Bring on Neil Young. Bring on Led Zeppelin. Yes, even bring on the bands of today that write wonderful songs and most importantly great lyrics—Dawes, Band of Horses, the Decemberists.
Music is my fuel. And it’s easy to understand why.
Music takes us places. Anyone who has rolled down a car window in the heat of summer and turned up the radio knows what I’m talking about. Songs—good ones with lyrics that cut into our psyche—can make us cry, laugh, sigh, tremble, quiver. And when we want from a great book we want that same response, don’t we? We want to be taken somewhere and we want to feel something, something deep down.
IWhen I write, I frequently listen to music at the same time. Often it’s linked to the work—maybe jazz for a late night scene or pounding rock ‘n’ roll for a scene of fast-paced dialogue. Sometimes it’s just the lyrical impression the song leaves behind, the imprint on the mind. If we are moved by music, wouldn’t it also help shape the words we write?
My novel, Night Radio, has a good bit of music running through its sweeping story. You might say that music is the thread. The songs coming out of radio speakers are the main character’s emotional food and his medicine. Jake Mulholland is a young man trying to find his way in the world, carrying a big dream—be the best rock ‘n’ roll air personality in the nation, be one with the music and share it with his audience. When I was writing the first draft of Night Radio, I played the music of the story’s main timeframe—the 1970s—from my Spotify and iTunes playlists. When the story shifts to the 1990s, I played the music of that decade, even making specific playlists of songs that play a role in the story. It was fun. But it was also inspiring and it helped me put myself in those decades as if I we right there, beside Jake, listening to all those great songs together.
Many of us listen to music when we clean the house, do the laundry, cut the grass, or wash the car. Sometimes we blast it; sometimes we take it in through the solitary world of our ear buds or headphones. And what does it do? It gets us moving, motivates us, keeps us in the groove to get the job done. Writing to music does exactly the same thing for me.
I love Simon and Garfunkel and they would certainly be on my playlist when writing. But one thing for sure, I’m not at all interested in “The Sound of Silence.”
***
Thank you, David, for sharing why music is a great motivator for writing.
“ Night Radio adds a unique and valuable dimension to today’s literary fiction by combining a gripping plot with a deep character study and a haunting, thought-provoking narrative.”
— Renee James, Windy City Reviews
Paperback: 351 pages
Genre: Romantic Fiction
Publisher: Cawing Crow Press (May 25, 2016)
ASIN: B01G7INFB4
Night Radio: A Love Story Summary:
From the award-winning author of Any Road Will Take You There and Accidental Lessons comes a truly American story.
Jake Mulholland dreams of becoming the next great rock ‘n’ roll radio personality. But like his father, his appetite for love conflicts with his thirst for success, leading to an unforgivable mistake. Jake finds fame but also the excess of celebrity, and just as he begins to rediscover his authentic self, he’s shaken by the news of a life-altering secret. In an effort for redemption, Jake plans a special New Year’s Eve broadcast that will be the biggest challenge of his life.
Night Radio is a love letter to music and rock ‘n’ roll radio of the 1970s, the story of an American boy, an American family, and of dreams just out of our reach.
About the Author:
David W. Berner is the award-winning author of three memoirs: ACCIDENTAL LESSONS, ANY ROAD WILL TAKE YOU THERE, and THERE’S A HAMSTER IN THE DASHBOARD. NIGHT RADIO: A Love Story is his first novel. Windy City Reviews calls NIGHT RADIO a “unique and valuable dimension to today’s literary fiction by combining a gripping plot with a deep character study and a haunting, thought-provoking narrative.”
David works as a radio reporter and news anchor for CBS Radio and teaches writing and radio documentary at Columbia College Chicago. His book ACCIDENTAL LESSONS won the Golden Dragonfly Grand Prize for Literature and has been called a “beautiful, elegantly written book” by award-winning author Thomas E. Kennedy. ANY ROAD WILL TAKE YOU THERE—a 2013 Book of the Year from the Chicago Writers Association—is the author’s story of a cross-country road trip with his sons and the revelations of fatherhood. The memoir has been called “heartwarming and heartbreaking” and “a five-star wonderful read.” THERE’S A HAMSTER IN THE DASHBOARD, a collection of essays, was named one of the “Best Books of 2015” by Chicago Book Review.
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How about you? Do you have any questions for David? What inspires you to write?
David will be giving away a copy of Night Radio to a commenter whose name will be selected in a random drawing.
We’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~
Next Week:
Monday, 8/8/16:
“How Ghostwriters Help Memoirists by C.Streetlights. CeeCee is the author of a memoir, Tea and Madness. She will give away a copy of her memoir to a commenter whose name will be selected in a random drawing.
