Some Thoughts on Writing About Your Children in Memoir
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler
“Making the decision to have a child…is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside of your body.” Elizabeth Stone
Our children are our treasures, our legacy, our future. We spend years teaching them how to live in the world then send them off to find their own way, hoping that the foundation we’ve created will be enough.
A mother’s natural instinct is to protect them from harm.
So what happens when you are also a writer and the story you have to tell involves your children in various stages of development? They are key to your story.
I realize many would chose not to write about their children and I respect their decision. I, however, feel strongly connected to my purpose for writing this memoir—to share hope with other parents of addicts—and have made a conscious decision to move forward with it. This is the story I started to write years ago until another story revealed itself.
It is the story of my heart.
My two children, now adults, played a prominent role in my first memoir, Ever Faithful to His Lead: My Journey Away From Emotional Abuse. But they were small children and it was a bit less complicated than it will be with my work-in-progress second memoir, tentatively titled The Edge of Hope: A Mother’s Journey Through Her Son’s Addiction. My son’s struggle and my daughter’s responses are front and center in this narrative. If I’m going to share a mother’s perspective, I have to show specific events.
But how can I do this without embarrassing my children or risk divulging personal information that may make them uncomfortable?
We all lived through it and, more important, made it to the other side. And that’s the main point—in overcoming obstacles, we can show how it is possible. We can share our hope that others in similar situations can do the same.
Here are a few thoughts that have guided me in writing about my children:
First, I am a mother and then I am a writer so my instinct to protect them has influenced my memoir writing process.
That’s why it has taken me so long to reach the point of finishing up my first draft. I started journaling about it in 1998 as a means of coping with the enormity of seeing my son struggle with addiction. There’s no way of sugar-coating the painful scenes.
I have shared vignettes with both my children over the years to get feedback and offer them the opportunity to make changes. It has opened up the communication among us and validated their experiences. They are both very open about their responses and I feel the process has been a healing one for all of us.
Last year, when I knew for certain that I wanted to complete the memoir, I asked my son how he felt about it, asking his permission to move forward.
His response, “This is your story. Pour it on the page, Mom and then we’ll talk.”
He is visiting this week and will read the manuscript. I’ll admit, I’m a little nervous. Although it is my story told from a mother’s point of view, it is about him.
He’ll read it and then we’ll talk…
He will have veto power as will my daughter.
Silence is shrouded in shame.
Photo Credit: Google Free Images
Writing this memoir has helped us break the silence surrounding addiction and move forward into a life of serenity.
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How about you? Do you have any tips or thoughts about writing about your children?
I’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~
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ANNOUNCEMENT:
Congratulations, Merril Smith. You are the winner of Michelle Monet’s poetic memoir, Catch a Poem by the Tale!
This Week:
Monday, 8/29/16:
August 2016 Newsletter: “Recharging Your Creative Batteries”
If you are interested in receiving this monthly newsletter via email, you can sign up on the right side bar. I’d love to have you along!
Next Week:
Monday, 9/5/16: “Tips on Finding Humor in Writing: Laughter Heals and Connects Us by Memoirist Jan Marshall”
Jan is the author of Dancin’Schmancin’ With Scars: Finding The Humor No Matter What. She will give away a copy of her memoir to a commenter whose name will be selected in a random drawing.
