Kathleen Pooler's Blog, page 37
June 1, 2015
The Healing Power of Memoir by Dorit Sasson
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler with Dorit Sasson/@Voice to Story
“Healing takes courage, and we all have courage even if we have to dig a little to find it.” ~Tori Amos
Photo Credit: Google Free Images
Please join me in welcoming memoir writer, blogger and radio talk host Dorit Sasson in this guest post on how writing her upcoming memoir, Accidental Soldier: What My Service in the Israeli Defense My Service Taught Me About Faith, Courage and Love, helped her to heal. I have had the privilege of being a beta reader for Dorit’s compelling story and appreciate her sharing how the process of writing her memoir helped her to heal. Her memoir will be published in 2016 through She Writes Press. Not only is her memoir a testament to her inner healing journey, it is also a fascinating glimpse into the heart of Dorit’s beloved homeland, Israel–its country and its people.
The healing power of memoir is a highly valued and popular topic among memoir writers. I feel honored that Dorit interviewed me about it on her Giving Voice to Your Story blog.
Welcome, Dorit!
Author, Dorit Sasson
The Healing Power of Memoir
The Story-Behind-The-Story…
Over twenty four years ago, at age nineteen, I’d pulled out smelly tomatoes at a sandy settlement in the middle of the Arava Desert along with a Spaniard who also came to Israel as a volunteer with the Israel Defense Forces. Having built some confidence after basic training where I learned to fire a gun, I was now convinced I was “qualified” to write a memoir about my experiences. That day I wrote in my journal, “I intend to write about my experiences one day.”
But beyond the lumpy tomatoes and dust, I was learning to culturally adjust to a foreign mentality and I was still under a “test” to survive. Deep inside, I was struggling to express what my insides couldn’t yet put into words – the feelings of being an outsider trying to figure out if it was worth building roots in this strange and foreign country.
Fast forward to April 2013. I was no longer living in Israel, My mother had just passed away. I was armed with just the memories of our embroiled relationship and why I had to leave New York City in the first place to serve as a volunteer with the IDF and what brought me to Pittsburgh after living in Israel for nearly twenty years. I started the process of downloading the memories. My soul was craving to give voice to a story. But something held me back.
I was looking to perfect the story. I was afraid of healing.
But after my mother’s death, I decided to pick up my memoir again. And I felt naked. And vulnerable.
Writing about deeply personal experiences often feels like you’re wading through memories like a ship lost at sea. It can be scary to write (and share) your writing with others let alone write. Holding back from writing your memoir is easy. But there comes a point when the memories start nudging you. That’s their way of getting you to pay attention. By taking the time to download the memories, you begin to initiate a journey towards healing. You give them a chance to speak. You’re acknowledging them. This is not an easy thing to do in our fast paced digital world. But on the other hand, healing from a painful experience requires the gift of time.
My Healing Story…
A British immigrant named Darren served in the same unit as I did. He thought all Americans were stupid and he wanted to throw me out of the unit. He misjudged and mistreated me. He antagonized me. The word “bully” never came up when I tried to confront him. Yet I allowed him to control me. I tried to brush him off. I thought he would go away. But as I wrote, he continued to haunt me in my memories. I knew I had to listen. I felt my own voice healing and wanting love and recognition as a victim. In the process, I reconnected with that nineteen year old American soldier serving in the Israel Defense Forces trying to find her voice. That’s the beauty of healing: as you write, you reconnect with other memories which can have a profound effect on the healing process.
You Must Write, Write and Write to Get to the Gem…
Downloading memories doesn’t always have to always lead to a story line. For six months, I kept downloading a scene from my army service. The words “bully” and “victim” didn’t have any context yet. As I wrote, it was clear that those words now had their own story. I opened myself up to the story, allowing it to be what it needed to be, and soon I found myself crying for that vulnerable and yet, terribly misunderstood young woman. I wanted to reach out and hug her. Yet, I was crying happy tears of joy. I had dug deeper into the healing process.
To get to the crux of the message or the theme of a memory, you have to allow yourself to write. There are no shortcuts. At first, it was painful to write about Darren, but the more I did it, the more comfortable I felt doing it. Writing also helped liberate any stigma or attachment to the memory of being bullied.
Healing Creates Distance…
When I started writing my memoir, Accidental Soldier: What My Service in the Israel Defense Forces Taught Me about Faith, Courage and Love, I had to learn to create distance between myself as the writer and myself as the character. This process released some of the fear and anxiety I had about sharing an unsettling experience and coming out with a bully story that would potentially ruin my good girl image. After all, I had seen myself a victim. As seen in the small excerpt below, in the telling of the story, I hadn’t yet come into direct contact with Darren’s abusive behavior. I’m only setting the stage to describe Darren’s basic characteristics, but I needed to download a number of scenes in order to express the relationship I had with this person. And that requires a desire to go there.
From Chapter 10:
My intuition is spot on: Darren sees himself as the Alpha Male and doesn’t think that girls should be in a garin at all. Later he will flat out confess that he has no tolerance for girls in the garin because we aren’t cut out for serving in the Israel Defense Forces
Techniques for Creating Distance…
There’s no right or wrong it may be even easier to start by expressing the basic information you know about a person. You don’t need to be vulnerable and release your deepest darkest secret all at once.
With the clients I work with and the students I teach, I’ve found that structure contains a “healing vehicle.” At all stages of the writing, you initiate your healing. For example, a timeline can be a great opportunity to differentiate between “dark” and “happier” turning points of your life. As you download scenes, you’ll invariably come into painful points of the memory. Knowing how to manipulate the language of scenes helps infuse dialogue, setting and character description that will impact future events.
Other genres of writing don’t offer healing as a direct benefit. Memoir writing offers a beautiful gift of healing and change. This amazing process starts the minute you start downloading the memories until the final finished form. You’ve managed to learn and grow from your experience and to write about that ONE story that made a difference.
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Thank you Dorit for sharing your healing journey with us. I appreciate the specific examples you gave about your story. You have shared many valuable tips about the experience of approaching vulnerable areas and finding a pathway to healing. There’s no doubt that the only way to the other side of painful memories is through them and that’s a process that takes time and patience as well as courage. Thank you for sharing your experience so openly.
Also I know you are preparing a Pubslush Crowdfunding Campaign for your memoir so stay tuned everyone for the details on how you can support Dorit’s memoir.
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Author’s Bio:
Dorit Sasson, an award winning speaker and author as well as the creator of Giving Voice to Your Story radio show and website, is available for consulting, speaking and writing projects. She posts regular updates to her memoir fan pageAccidental Soldier: What My Service in the Israel Defense Forces Taught Me about Faith, Courage and Love
She is a coauthor of the book Pebbles in the Pond: Transforming the World One Person at a Time featuring bestsellers such as Sonia Choquette and Robert Allen. She leads workshops and presentations also online on the power of personal story telling and is the creator of Giving Voice to the Voiceless – visit her at www.GivingVoicetoVoicelessBook.com
Author Contact Information:
Website: Giving Voice to Your Story
Blog Talk Radio: Creating Calm Network
Twitter @VoicetoStory
Facebook: Silence Book Series
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Book Blurb for the Memoir, Accidental Soldier: What My Service in the Israel Defense Forces Taught Me about Faith, Courage and Love.
Emotionally disconnected from her exceptionally talented mother who played alongside such greats as Leonard Bernstein, Dorit Sasson leaves her hometown of Greenwich Village, New York City to volunteer for the Israeli Defense Forces as a new immigrant. Thinking she’ll have it easy because she already knows Hebrew, has an Israeli father and spent a previous summer on a kibbutz, Dorit encounters unforeseen obstacles that force her to constantly step out of her comfort zone in order to acculturate to this foreign militaristic world. In this coming of age memoir of self-empowerment, you’ll journey alongside with Dorit who transforms her quiet nature and steps into her powerful assertive voice she didn’t even know existed. She discovers the real motivations for leaving her mother which lead her on a path to greater self-forgiveness and self-awareness.
Advanced Praise for Accidental Soldier
“Your story in and out of itself is so powerful, Dorit.”
-Brooke Warner, Warner Coaching, founder of SheWritesPress.com
“In a rare show of honesty, Dorit Sasson creatively shares her journey of living in a wartorn country and leaving her family and friends of many years to restart her life in a safer haven. Through her voice, the culture shock of trying to find one’s home is vividly felt – one is drawn into the experience and comes out on the other side, changed.”
-Bonnie Young
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How about you? Have you ever started writing a memoir or personal writing? (a journal counts, too!) What were your experiences?
We’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~
Next Week:
Monday, 6/8/15: “Redefining Success in Memoir Marketing”
Reminder: My Goodreads Giveaway for Ever Faithful to His Lead runs until June 11. Ten paperback copies will be given away. You can enter the drawing on the right sidebar.
May 25, 2015
Memorial Day Tribute to Heroes: A Memoir Moment
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler
” The business of America is not business. Neither is it war. The business of America is justice and securing the blessings of liberty.” George F. Will in Newsweek.
Our WWII Hero saluting the flag
Memorial Day , a US federal holiday formerly known as Declaration Day, is a day to commemorate US soldiers who died while in military service.
For my family and me, it will be a day to honor the memory of our hero, a beloved husband, father,grandfather and great-grandfather who died 11/27/10. Memorial Day, 2015 will mark our fifth Memorial Day without him. Dad was our very own World War II hero who maintained his hero status throughout his entire life. As a young sailor, he served in the North Atlantic Sea on the U.S.S Augusta. Just a few months before he died, he had entertained us all with stories of having to dock in London due to fierce storms in the North Atlantic during World War II, noting with a wink and chuckle, how much fun it was to explore London on this unscheduled reprieve from the war that beckoned all young men of the times.
Throughout his entire life,Dad always made it clear that he had three main priorities: God, country and family. The sight of the American flag waving would bring tears to his eyes and a ready salute as the above photo from 2004 portrays. He embodied the patriotism of his generation, truly “the Greatest Generation” as coined by Tom Brokaw.
I devote this post to my father, my hero and to all the heroes of the Greatest Generation and subsequent generations who have and are still fighting for the freedoms we are all so privileged to experience. Every time we visit his grave, we honor the memory of his patriotism and remember the day we released the four snow-white racing pigeons into the icy skies at the cemetery.
Visiting Grandpa’s grave
I saw a billboard while driving one day:”A hero is someone who hangs on one minute longer than everyone else.” Author Unknown.
Rest in peace, Dad. Know that your spirit of patriotism and honor lives on in the hearts of your family who loves you. You did hang on many minutes and years more than we expected. Now we are hanging on to the precious memories you left for us to cherish. You will always be our hero.
God Bless all our heroes and God Bless America.
Who are your heroes? How will you honor them?
I’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~
Goodreads Giveaway for Ever Faithful to His Lead: My Journey Away From Emotional Abuse has started. 10 copies will be given away between until June 11. You can enter on the right sidebar.
My May 2015 Newsletter :”Planting the Seeds For Story” with updates, memoir musings and Max Moments goes out today, 5/25/15. You can sign-up on the right sidebar.
ANNOUNCEMENT: Congratulations to Marian Beaman for being the winner of Susan Weidener’s debut novel, A Portrait of Love and Honor!
Next Week:
Monday, 6/01/15:
“A Guest Post by Dorit Sasson on The Healing Power of Memoir”
May 18, 2015
Breaking the “Rules” of Writing: A Google+ Hangout Interview with Susan Weidener
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler with Susan Weidener/@Sweideheart
I am very pleased to feature author, blogger and founder/facilitator of the Women’s Writing Circle Susan Weidener in this Google+ interview about her debut novel, A Portrait of Love and Honor. Susan’s books include two memoirs, one anthology and her novel based upon a true story. Above all, it is a love story. I am fascinated by Susan’s creativity in shaping this novel from her late husband’s memoir. We are all bombarded with the rules of writing and what qualifies a book as fiction or nonfiction. It appears that Susan has taken creative license and written a stunning debut novel that incorporates another person’s memoir into a fictional love story. I invited her to this interview to address some of the questions that have arisen when convention is defied. Literary Agent,Carly Watters has an interesting post on “Four Reasons You Should Be Taking Risks With Your Fiction” which fits in with the discussion about breaking the rules.
My reviews of all her books can be found on Amazon:
Welcome Susan!
Author Susan Weidener
Breaking the “Rules ” of Writing
KP: A Portrait of Love and Honor is a very personal story.Talk a little about why you wrote A Portrait of Love and Honor?
SW: It was gratifying . . . writing about ordinary people standing up to powerful systems, yet maintaining their integrity and honor; finding in each other love and companionship to stay strong and make sense of it all.
You know this because you read A Portrait of Love and Honor. And you also know from reading my memoirs that early on after John’s death I did a lot of dating. But I never remarried. I suppose you could say I’m a believer that true love only comes around once – and, maybe not even then, unless you’re very lucky. And I was lucky, although he died far too young and we only had 17 years together.
The “trilogy” – a term my son Daniel coined for Again in a Heartbeat, Morning at Wellington Square, and A Portrait of Love and Honor is a detailed rendering or “portrait” of the friendship and love between a man and a woman who seem destined to meet, if you’ll excuse the hyperbole.
KP: How did writing this story differ from writing your memoirs?
SW: You can’t imagine another person’s life, only yours. You’re bound by certain somewhat rigid “rules” . . . or, at least, I felt I was in terms of staying totally accurate or as nearly accurate as I could be in terms of names, places, conversations, memories. Memoirs, by their very nature, allow the writer to present just one POV. In fiction, you don’t have to worry about that and there can be more than one POV, although in Portrait there are only two – Jay’s and Ava’s. You can create, too, a more dramatic story.
KP: Since the book is based on your late husband’s memoir, did you ask your sons about publishing their father’s memoir in the framework of a novel instead of just as a straight memoir? If so, what did they say? How did you come up with the structure of the book? Do you feel you “broke” the rules of memoir?
SW: My sons were very helpful . . . they encouraged me to write it as a love story – the idea being that the memoir was a “bit dry,” as my one son put it. Using the flashback technique would draw in readers and help create a compelling story as well as enhance the memoir without tampering with the truth of John’s story.
It’s important, too, to have a vision for your novel as a creative expression and not get hung up on rules that stifle that expression. I read somewhere that Agatha Christie was nearly drummed out of her writing group for “breaking the rules” of mystery writing!
Ava Stuart is, I suppose, in some ways my alter ego in the novel . . . she is a woman I probably would have been had I met “Jay” in my early 40s, not my mid-20s. Disillusioned, cynical . . . a willing heart . . . but always steeled against another disappointment in terms of love. So it’s semi-autobiographical with fictionalized “chronicles” . . . for example Ava reading from her novel in the library. As an author, I’ve been doing that with my memoirs for several years. So I had fun with that opening scene. There is a blurring of the lines – what is real, what is made up? Charles Bukowski did it; Hemingway did it, just to name two.
KP: This is your 4th self-published book. What advice would you give writers about publishing?
I would offer that this is the best way to get your work out there and make as much from royalties and signings and events as possible. Wasn’t self-publishing, until recently, considered ‘breaking the rules’; a place only for outliers and those who couldn’t get traditionally published? Ha! That has changed!
Until I get an offer from a mainstream publisher, I hope that my work continues to garner interest and attention. Creating my own publishing imprint and having complete creative control – my choice of an editor, (editors, I believe have to be true friends in that they work with you, but are not intent on changing your vision, or even most of your words), . . . creating the cover image – that is my own photograph on the cover of A Portrait of Love and Honor. Of course, uppermost is a dedication to a creating a professional product, although I hate using the word “product” when talking about a book. But it is that because you are asking the public to spend their hard earned money – not to mention time – on your book when there are a million other choices out there. So being a self-publisher entails responsibilities and commitment to excellence.
Also, I was published extensively for over 25 years in newspapers and made my living as a writer . . . I didn’t need that validation anymore . . . that some might feel they need in order to gain “legitimacy” as a writer. I have to admit, however, having a publisher who has email distribution lists at their fingertips would certainly be nice! Discoverability is the unending, exhausting task of the author entrepreneur.
KP: Thank you Susan for sharing your writing journey with us.
Ordering Link: Amazon
Author Bio:
A former journalist with The Philadelphia Inquirer, Susan started the Women’s Writing Circle, a support and critique group for writers in suburban Philadelphia. Her novel, A Portrait of Love and Honor, takes the reader from the halls of the United States Military Academy at West Point during the Vietnam War to a moving love story between two people destined to meet.
She is the author of two best-selling memoirs: Again in a Heartbeat, about being widowed at a young age, and its sequel, Morning at Wellington Square, a woman’s search for passion and renewal in middle age. Her work also appears in the critically-acclaimed anthology, Slants of Light, Stories and Poems From the Women’s Writing Circle.
Susan offers editing services for writers aspiring to publish their manuscripts. She also teaches writing workshops and is available for talks and lectures on writing life stories. Susan lives in Chester Springs, Pennsylvania.
Contact information:
Website: Women’s Writing Circle
Twitter @Sweideheart
Facebook: Susan Weidener and The Women’s Writing Circle
Susan’s Amazon Author Page
How about you? What creative license have you taken to shape your story? How do you feel as a reader and/or a writer about “breaking the rules” of writing?
Susan has graciously agree to offer a paperback or digital copy of A Portrait of Love and Honor to a commenter whose name will be selected in a random drawing.
We’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~
Next Week:
Monday, 5/25/15: “Memorial Day Tribute to Heroes: A Memoir Moment”
May 2015 Newsletter, “Planting the Seeds for Story”, will be published.
You can sign up to receive the monthly newsletter via email in the right side bar under GET THE NEWSLETTER.
My Goodreads Giveaway for my memoir, Ever Faithful to His Lead: My Journey Away From Emotional Abuse is going on until June 11. I’ll be giving away ten paperback copies. You can enter in the right sidebar or here.
May 11, 2015
Lessons About Tough Love From Mom: A Memoir Moment
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler
” All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.” Abraham Lincoln
Our relationship with our mothers -whether they are dead or alive or whether you were abandoned or adopted-is an integral part of our daily lives. We are emotionally tied to our mothers for life and the bond is as complex as it is necessary.
I am well aware that not every mother-daughter relationship is as good as mine. That doesn’t mean I didn’t rebel against her or panic at the thought of being like her from time to time in my teens. But, she was always there for me and my siblings to comfort, hug, listen and nurture. She was a stay-at-home mom who took her job seriously. Not all of us can say our childhood was filled with warm and happy memories and for that I am most grateful.
I am blessed to still have my mother with me. She is 92-years-young and although she is showing signs of slowing down, she remains active and feisty; an inspiration to me and my three siblings as well as to anyone who meets her and gasps when she tells them how old she is.
Mom, 92-years-young, 2015
On her good days, she visits “the elderly” in her neighborhood, goes to the YMCA to walk the track and lift weights, cooks up a storm for her family, attends family gatherings and celebrations, often “working the room” as my brother Gary so aptly describes.
I know Mother’s Day has passed, but it’s never too late to pay tribute to the person who brought me into the world and then continues to love me and be there for me through thick and thin.
She is one tough cookie and she has also taught me a thing or two through her tough love.
For those of you who have read my memoir, you know the key role she played in helping me see the light.
Brief Memoir excerpt, Chapter 39, “Turning Point, 1988”:
Kathy, it’s your choice if you stay or not, but I will never step foot in this house again,” my mother said.
She was sitting on the edge of the bed in the guest room at the far end of the finished basement of our rambling house. There were no windows in the room, and the stark white walls surrounding her framed the deep sadness in her dark eyes. She was resolved beyond a doubt.
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Tough love…and it worked.
Memories…
When I was growing up, I never thought about Mom as a young girl or young woman. She was always there as she was. It wasn’t until I got older that I began to question what her younger life was like.
Mom and Me, 1947
Underneath that sweet smile is a woman who has shown us her strength and resolve. When Dad died in 2010 and we all thought she would fall apart, she showed us what grace and acceptance looked like. The were high school sweethearts and clearly the loves of each others’ lives. She called him her “Prince” and Dad always said in reference to her, “she’s a doll.”
One day a few years ago, she shared the story of my birth in answer to my question..”Tell me about yourself as a young woman.” I had heard stories my whole life about her being hungry during the Depression, about her courtship with Dad and their time apart during World War II, about their early struggles and eventual triumphs. But I had never heard the story she was about to tell me.
Kitty, circa 1942, age 20
Her answer to my question ended up on the pages of a story I wrote for the memoir workshop I was taking. Her family and friends called her Kitty and she was 24 years old at the time of my birth. Here’s an excerpt:
Tender Years
I really wish I could have been there on that steamy July day in 1946 to wipe Kitty’s drenched brow, to offer her a cool washcloth or a few ice chips for her parched, open lips. Actually, I was there. Almost. I was working my way down Kitty’s birth canal, one of many Boomer babies to enter life after World War II ended. She writhed in pain with her legs up in stirrups for five hours. The song, “Doing What Comes Naturally” played in agonizing, tinny repetition in the background from the house that bordered the hospital.
Bob, my father, had dropped her off at the Bellevue Woman’s Hospital after her water broke. She had to call him back from work at General Electric. Neither one knew what to expect as Dad drove her to the hospital. After stopping at the Admission’s Office, they were directed to the Labor and Delivery Unit. Dad was told to join the other young father who was pacing in solitude in the waiting room.
“Go back to work,” the nurse in the starched white uniform with her stiff, pointed cap and even stiffer personality told him after a while as she peeked her head into the waiting room while shooing Dad away. “You will be notified as soon as anything starts happening.”
Meanwhile, Kitty glanced over from her gurney at the empty gurneys lined up next to her in the dancehall of a room that surrounded her.
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Well, it turned out that I did make it into the world after five hours of agony for my mother who was forced to suffer all alone. And my poor dad, having to endure the wait from afar. I had no idea I was the cause of such a dramatic entrance into the world nor would I have known in years to come, I would be a nurse and take care of patients under much improved circumstances. I also would experience much safer and compassionate care for my own childbirth experiences.
Mom told me when years later she heard about the Nazis torturing laboring Jewish women in concentration camps by tying their legs together, she flashed back to her own experience which was “a glimpse of what these women must have endured.“
I marvel when I think that despite what I put my mom through to get here, she still loved and nurtured me! She still does.
Oh, what a blessing to still have her with us.
My hat is off to the strongest woman I know, my mom. Her tough love has made me the woman I am today.
I love you, Mom. You are love in its sweetest form~
Mom and Me , 2014
How about you? Have you examined your relationship to the woman who gave birth to you?
I’d love to hear your thoughts. Please leave your comments below~
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ANNOUNCEMENTS: Congratulations Anne Bernard Becker! Your name was selected in a random drawing to receive a copy of Heather Siegel’s memoir, Out From the Underworld.
This week:
Goodreads Giveaway for Ever Faithful to His Lead: My Journey Away From Emotional Abuse starts today. 10 copies will be given away between May 11-June 11. Enter on the right sidebar.
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Wednesday, 5/13/15
I’m over at Dorit Sasson’s blog, Giving Voice to Your Story with an Interview on ” The Healing Power of Memoir.” I hope you’ll stop.
Thursday, 5/14/15:
I’ll also be over at Cate Artios’ blog, Octopus Ink, Inc, with a guest post: “Finding Self-Forgiveness Through Memoir Writing.” I hope you’ll stop by and join in the conversation there, too.
Next Week:
Monday, 5/18/15: A Google+ Hangout Interview with Author Susan Weidener: “Breaking the Rules of Writing.”
May 4, 2015
Overcoming Childhood Neglect and Abandonment: An Interview with Memoir Author Heather Siegel
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler with Heather Siegel/@SiegelHeather
“But better to get hurt by the truth than comforted by a lie.”~Khaled Husseini, Author
Child neglect or abandonment is a crisis in our society. The consequences can be devastating as emotionally-starved children grow into emotionally-starved adults. When these challenges can be overcome, it seems like a miracle. This is Heather Seigel’s story , Out From The Underworld. Joining the ranks of Frank McCourt, Mary Karr and Jeannette Walls, Heather’s memoir offers the stark realities of child neglect and abandonment–longing and motherlessness– while conveying resilience, courage and hope in the face of the unimaginable. I am pleased to interview Heather about her memoir and her writing experience.
My reviews can be found on Amazon, Goodreads, Shelfari, and LibraryThings
Welcome, Heather!
Memoir Author Heather Seigel
Overcoming Childhood Neglect and Abandonment
KP: Childhood neglect and abandonment are very difficult topics to comprehend and read about. I was fascinated by your ability to tell such a painful story with such candor and humor. Two questions in one here: What made you decide to write your story? How did you find your writer’s voice?
HS: Hi Kathy, and thanks for having me. I’m honored that you would add me to the list of such prestigious writers!
I think what initially made me consider writing my story was the fascination my friends seemed to have that my brother, sister and I had found a way to become “normal” after what we had been through. Long before I even considered writing, I would verbally tell bits and pieces of my story as it came up organically in conversation, and I would be surprised at how passionately people reacted to the material.
Once I got serious about writing I knew that this was a story I wanted to both tackle and commit to telling in one linear piece. What I didn’t anticipate is the tension that would occur between reliving the experiences and reflecting on them as an adult writer. That’s a tough place but also where the memoirist finds her voice. There was this experience I was writing about and then there was this experience of writing about it– from the perspective of who I am today—which can be a daunting task when you factor in the need for narrative drive and dialogue and reflection.
Maturity helped me find my voice too. For this particular story, I needed to reach a point in time when I was no longer emotionally attached to the situations I was writing about-- or at least to understand that I needed to explore them fairly. I couldn’t have written this book in my twenties, at least not as judiciously as I could in my forties.
KP: Memoir writers often fear repercussions from family members in revealing their truths. You tell your story with raw honesty. How were you able to summon the courage to reveal your past so openly?
HS:Well, I had it lucky in a way. Part of my story is that I am essentially estranged from a lot of the family I write about. My father, who I still see fairly often, was, and continues to be, a worry to me. The facts are the facts though, and I don’t think he would deny them—it’s my emotional response to them that I worry might be a bit painful for him to read. But I have to remind myself that living through those experiences was no cakewalk either. And there comes a moment when you realize you’re invalidating your own experiences by keeping silent.
That said, I think fairness is again in order when it comes to writing memoir. I wanted to portray my family and my surrogate mothers in all their complexity, bad and good, including even the most unsavory characters, like my first foster mother who I was deathly afraid of as a child. It’s not that I ever developed a fondness for her. It’s more that I knew, as an adult writer and as a human being, that no one is pure evil; even the devil used to be an angel. So, in writing about Joyce, I had to ask myself, “What were her good qualities?” She had to have some reason beyond money, for example, for wanting to take children in. And even if she didn’t, or I couldn’t recall what they were, I had to search for it—and I mean search for it on the page, even by just questioning what it could be. Conversely, the same goes for my “good” characters. No one is pure angel either. I think this idea came into play when I was writing about my second foster mother who I initially saw wearing a halo. I grappled with her ambiguity as I lived it, but as a memoirist, I also had to question on the page what my adult narrator thought her flip side might have been as well—something I managed to finally figure out when I had lunch with her grown daughter many years later.
Lastly, and maybe most importantly, I had to be honest about who I was. No one wants to read a story about a Pollyanna, and I was certainly not that type of girl anyway, so any chance I could find to question my own purity, I took.
KP: Finding the right structure for a memoir can be one of a memoirist’s greatest challenges. You used a prologue very effectively. How did you find your structure? Why did you decide to use a prologue?
HS: My story starts out pretty heavy, and I didn’t want to overload the reader with too much pain all at once. I wanted the reader to know, what you are about to read will be uncomfortable, but don’t worry- I’m okay! It’s all going to be okay! Maybe that’s the mother in me, or maybe that’s the anti- misery memoirist in me. I also considered the prologue as a sort of overture, a chance to touch on all the themes within.
KP: Memoir writing can be a daunting process because digging deeply into painful memories can be unpleasant to say the least. What strategies did you use to help yourself keep writing through the pain?
HS: Well, I allowed myself to feel it for sure. I went back to that place of loss and tried to make the sensory connections. I closed my eyes and remembered the way something made me feel, certain smells and sounds and all of that. I also went to some of these places physically to revisit them and to see what that might bring up. But—and I suspect I’m not alone on this– the pain wasn’t something that came up for me when I was writing so much as something that existed whether I was writing or not. I missed my mother, for example. Losing her had left a hole in me and it sucked and it hurt—that was true whether I was writing or just living. So I chose to see if I could make something of that on paper.
KP: What are your memoir takeaways, both for yourself and for your readers?
HS: If you are writing memoir, be honest; there’s no point otherwise. Also: read. Read every great memoir out there—beginning with the classics. Absorb and learn from them. Read books on writing memoir.
Memoir is a craft and an art form and its own universe.
If you are reading memoir, and you come across a gem, share it. You’re not just sharing a good book, you’re sharing a piece of the human experience.
KP: Do you have any memoir writing tips to share?
HS: Be clear. Say what you mean to say. And say it the way you would tell a friend the honest version of the events you are describing. You’d be surprised at how easy it is to find your voice that way.
***
Thank you Heather for sharing your memoir and your writing process with us. You have provided us with many pearls to ponder in our own memoir writing process. Your powerful story conveys courage and resilience in the face of such painful circumstances. I am so happy you are living a good life now. Your story will be a beacon of light for anyone who has endured childhood neglect and abandonment.
***
About the Author:
Heather Siegel earned her MFA in nonfiction from The New School and has been published at Salon.com as well as various trade magazines. A multi-faceted creative, she is founder of one of several independent businesses, including a coffeehouse, a café, an organic juice bar and a natural beauty bar.
Heather currently writes in a house full of light, where she lives with her husband and daughter.
Website: www.heathersiegel.net
Twitter: @SiegelHeather
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/heather.siegel.39
Ordering links:
http://www.amazon.com/Out-Underworld-Heather-Siegel-ebook/dp/B00UDDMUV6
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/out-from-the-underworld-heather-siegel/1121765861?ean=9780990619406 t
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/25047534-out-from-the-underworld
BOOK SYNOPSIS
A basement apartment.
An undertaker.
Three resilient kids.
Thirty years after a series of absurd events, Siegel recalls the disappearance of her mother, abandonment by her undertaker father, and a decade of negotiating with surrogate parents.
Exploring the themes of longing and motherlessness, Heather captures the first half of her life in this subterranean story that rallies against a victim mentality.
With humor, insight, and Heather’s spunky refusal to allow circumstances control her destiny,
we follow her out from the underworld.
***
Tweetables: {Click to Tweet}
“ .. tension between reliving the experiences & reflecting on them as an adult writer.“
“I went back to that place of loss and tried to make the sensory connections.”
***
How about you? How do you write about painful childhood memories?
Heather has graciously offered to give away one paperback copy of her memoir to a commenter whose name will be selected in a random drawing.
We’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~
Next Week:
Monday, 05/11/15: “Lessons About Tough Love From Mom: A Memoir Moment.”
Thursday, 05/14/15: “Finding Self-Forgiveness Through Memoir Writing.” A guest post for Cate Artios’ blog, Octopus Ink.Org.
April 27, 2015
Have Memoir,Will Travel: Spreading My Memoir’s Message Through Public Speaking
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler
“See every situation as a BLOT i.e. everything that comes your way is either a Blessing, Lesson, Opportunity, or a Test.”
― Henry Agbebire
When I was invited to be the keynote speaker for The Chief’s Tea, an annual fundraising event sponsored by the Chief of Police in Trenton, MO and the Green Hills Women’s Shelter of Grundy County, I felt humbled and honored. I have spoken in front of many audiences as a teacher, a church lector, a cancer survivor but I have never had the opportunity to be a keynote speaker for a national cause.
In this case, the message of my memoir—increasing awareness about abuse- aligned with this fundraising event for the local women’s shelter. I had been in the right place at the right time when I had traveled back to Trenton, where the opening scene of my memoir takes place, for a book signing in September,2014 and received this invitation to speak.
It turned out to be a blessing, lesson, opportunity and test, as suggested in the quote:
It was a Blessing in being able to visit my friends who had become my family-away-from–my-family at a time when my children and I needed them the most. Trenton was the place where I was forced to escape my second husband for fear of physical abuse. Here is the hidden a garage (right bottom with a white car in front) in back of the Ace Hardware Store. I escaped there with my two school-aged children on that fateful day in September of 1988:
Chapter 1: Escape, 1988 ,
EVER FAITHFUL TO HIS LEAD: MY JOURNEY AWAY FROM EMOTIONAL ABUSE
***
Excerpt: Chapter 1 (page 10):
I pulled into the back of the store and watched the garage door open. Carol guided us into the garage, her tall, stately presence like a beacon from a lighthouse. She wrapped us all in a warm hug, then pulled the door closed.
Safe at last.
But we were fugitives
***
As I calmly took this picture, a spontaneous gesture after going to the Post Office, I couldn’t help but feel deep in my bones how grateful I was to have been surrounded by caring friends who helped me escape an abusive relationship.
The realization of how far I have come from that day filled me with gratitude and joy for the life I am living now. As I hopped into the passenger seat on that sunny, warm April day, my friend Mary Sue and I drove off to visit another friend, laughing and chattering, with the wind blowing through our hair and the country music playing on the radio. Yes, I am blessed!
It was a Lesson in that I was able to hone my skill as a public speaker. Though I had presented versions of this speech, “Abuse is Not Always Black and Blue” to other audiences, it forced me to refine and polish it for a different audience which included clergy, law enforcement officials, a judge, social services personnel, health care providers and the general public.
It was an Opportunity to spread the message of my memoir to an audience who had a vested interest in domestic abuse awareness and prevention. It was also an opportunity to participate in a fundraising effort for the women’s shelter. I was also able to set up a table for book sales. I sold 11 copies and added 8 people to my email and newsletter lists.
It was a Test for me to gauge the interest in the topic and help me hone my message for future engagements. There were 125 engaged participants.
I’m happy to report that the feedback was positive and I personally feel it was a success.
Keynote Speech. “Abuse is Not Always Black and Blue” at The Chief’s Tea to raise awareness of domestic abuse in Trenton, MO
The Toastmasters International offers these tips for successful speeches:
Be Prepared: I went by the mantra I used in my teaching days,“ Fill Your Head and Be Yourself” , typing out the speech and continually editing it over time. I read it through into a tape recorder, then practiced it ad lib. I wanted to strike a balance being organized and being spontaneous.
Start Strong: I was the last of three speakers so I had the audience take a stretch break before I started. They had been sitting quietly and attentively for two and a half hours and I didn’t want to lose them. I started by sharing my feelings about my Trenton friends and telling a funny story.
Be conversational: I wanted to speak from my heart about my personal story while making sure I stayed true to my message of finding one’s inner strength and hope. Although I had my notes in front of me, I did go “off script”on occasion.
Speak with Passion : this was not hard to do since I do feel deeply connected to my message and passionate about sharing hope through sharing my story.
Be Patient: I gave myself plenty of time to prepare and permission to go with the flow as the need arose.
***
Sharing Hope…
Returning to Trenton and giving this speech was like coming full circle from deep heartache and pain to feeling empowered and transformed.
I know I have arrived. The scars of the past have given way to peace and joy. I’ve known that for a long time but standing up in front of 125 people at the Chief’s tea and sharing my story in a place that was the source of my pain was empowering.
The highlight for me in sharing my story in this public forum was knowing that I was sharing my hope. It may be just enough for someone else to find their own pathway to freedom from abuse. After the speech, a woman from the audience approached me and said,
“You have told my story, I need to buy your book.”
Marketing Made Easy…
Speaking of marketing, sometimes opportunities really do fall in your lap. Let me explain.
On the first leg of my flight back home from Kansas City to Chicago, I sat amidst the University of Albany(NY) Men’s and Women’s Volleyball Teams. They had won their tournament and, as you can imagine, were pretty hyped up. All that entertainment and energy in one tiny aircraft and I’m right in the middle of the men’s team. Some were passed out from the previous night of drinking but others were quite lively. That would be the men who engaged all those around them in conversations and one-liners. When they found out I was a writer, they asked me for my business card and I was able to practice my elevator pitch. I passed out several cards by request. When the flight attendant came around to serve refreshments, they told her I was a writer. She asked for my card, told me she was going to buy my book and agreed to do a review. Oh, and the team named me their honorary coach and invited me to their dance party as we waited for our flight back to Albany.(The dance party didn’t happen as they tired themselves out on the plane!)
Part of University of Albany (NY) Men’s Volleyball Team providing entertainment on Flight #5578
As I said in the beginning, have memoir will travel and as long as I am on this journey, it makes sense to enjoy the ride!
How about you? Where has your book taken you? I’d love to hear about your experience with public speaking.
Please leave your comments below~
ANNOUNCEMENT: Congratulations to Sherrey Meyer for being the winner of Elaine Mansfield’s memoir, Leaning Into Love: A Spiritual Guide Through Grief!
Next Week:
Monday, 05/04/15: “Overcoming Childhood Neglect and Abandonment: An Interview with Memoir Author Heather Siegel”
Heather is the author of the newly released memoir, Out From the Underground.
Reminder: Today is the day my first newsletter is published! I’m excited to share more of my story, with memoir musings and Max (our Golden Retriever)Moments. The newsletter sign-up is on the right sidebar if you are interested and you can unsubscribe anytime. I hope you’ll consider joining me!
April 20, 2015
Good Grief! What I Learned From Loss: How a TEDx Talk Brought My Ideas to Life by Memoir Author Elaine Mansfield
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler with Elaine Mansfield/@elainemansfiel7
“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” Rumi
Grief is a universal experience which we all have to face. It is my pleasure to introduce Memoir Author Elaine Mansfield who speaks from her own place of grief-the death of her beloved husband Vic–to teach us all that “love and grief are a package deal”. Elaine and I met online and although I do not remember whether it was on Shirley Showalter‘s blog or Marian Beaman’s blog, I do know that I instantly connected with her message. When I watched her TEDx talk (below) at the Corning Museum(my hometown), I knew I wanted to feature her and her powerful message. I also wanted to hear about her experience being asked to do a TEDx talk and what she learned in the process.
Elaine’s memoir, Leaning into Love: A Spiritual Journey Through Grief, is a beautiful tribute to the love she and her husband Vic shared as well as a tribute to her journey of healing after such a devastating loss.
My reviews can be found on Amazon, Goodreads, Shelfari, LibraryThings, and Riffle.
Please join me in welcoming Elaine~
Elaine and Willow
A TEDx Talk Brought My Ideas to LIfe
My heart thumped. My belly knotted. A black microphone was attached to my head and my hearing aids sent out whines and screeches in response to this amplified world. Standing backstage in the dark, I was afraid I’d forget everything I’d spent months creating. Then they called my name.
My red shoes and I walked across the darkened Corning Museum of Glass stage. Since my topic was sacred, I created a simple altar. Then, without notes or prompts, I gave the talk of my life to over two hundred people. I felt naked and vulnerable. When I made eye contact with the audience, I saw their quiet tears.
Corning Museum of Glass
I’m an unknown author of a new book, Leaning into Love: A Spiritual Journey through Grief. I’ve blogged for 2 ½ years, submitted articles, and built connections on Facebook, LinkedIn, and Twitter. There are thousands of authors sharing good messages, but my TEDx talk helped me reach my audience. And the message spreads with 300-400 new viewers each week.
The price was weeks and months of hard work. Has it improved book sales? Probably, I can’t be sure. Does it help spread the message of my book and my heart? Yes.
I received a red-lettered invitation from TEDx Chemung River in May 2014. I’d applied a month before and been interviewed. I wanted to talk about what I’d learned from grief and tie the talk to Leaning into Love. As I prepared a script, I scolded myself for taking on one more thing I didn’t know how to do.
I read books and blogs about preparing a TED talk and watched other people’s talks. TEDx organizers provided a coach, rehearsals, and deadlines for abstracts, outlines, and audiovisuals. Friends who are theater directors, public speakers, story tellers, or good listeners listened and gave me feedback, some many times.
I tackled this like a writer and wrote a monologue, but you can’t read a TEDx talk. You have to choose an idea that matters and share it from the heart. I talked about facing grief and learning from it, but how could I convince people who would rather not think about loss?
I distilled three lessons.
I am not in charge.
We are told our experience is created by our attitude. “Be positive. Make life what you want it to be.” It’s true from a limited perspective, but I learned I am not in charge when it comes to natural catastrophe, a terrible diagnosis, or death. My only choice is in my response.
Love and grief are a package deal. {Click to Tweet}
Elaine and Vic
We learn this from great books and movies, but who wants to remember? When we’re separated from someone we love, we grieve. When we lose something we hoped for or counted on, we grieve.
If we love anything, we will grieve when we lose it.{Click to Tweet}
Ritual soothes and comforts more than I could have imagined.
Some of us take flowers to the cemetery or take walks in places we shared with the person we lost. Some sing hymns or light candles. Some keep a journal. Writing became a helpful daily ritual during my husband’s illness. After his death, my journals became the doorway to the next phase of my life as a writer and bereavement worker.
The TEDx talk and my book joined hands to help me share the message that grief is a healthy normal emotion and an important teacher about what matters in life.
In the end, grief is simply another face of love. {Click to tweet}
Family
Author Bio:
Elaine Mansfield’s book Leaning into Love: A Spiritual Journey through Grief was published by Larson Publications (October 2014). The book is available at the Larson Publications link, at Amazon (paperback and kindle), Barnes & Noble, and independent sellers. Elaine writes from a spiritual perspective that reflects over forty years as a student of philosophy, Buddhism, Jungian psychology, mythology, and meditation. Elaine gave a TEDx talk called “Good Grief! What I Learned from Loss” on November 8, 2014 with TEDx ChemungRiver at Corning Museum of Glass in Corning, NY.
After a career as a health counselor and writer, Elaine’s work focused on bereavement and loss after her husband’s death in 2008. Elaine facilitates bereavement support groups at Hospicare and Palliative Care Services in Ithaca, NY and writes for the Hospicare newsletter and website. She also writes a weekly blog about the adventures and lessons of life, love, and loss, leads workshops, and lectures on bereavement topics. Her articles have been published in The Healing Muse, Open to Hope, Shambhala Sunspace, KirstyTV, Alzheimers.net, GriefHealing, and elephantjournal.
Elaine and her husband Vic became students of the Dalai Lama on his first visit to the United States in 1979. Six weeks before his death, Vic taught with the Dalai Lama in a science and religion colloquium. The Dalai Lama wrote an introduction for Vic’s last book Tibetan Buddhism and Modern Physics: Toward a Union of Love and Knowledge.
Follow this link to Elaine’s website. Follow this link to Elaine’s FB author page or find her on Twitter at @ElaineMansfiel7
Links to purchase:
Good Grief! What I Learned From Loss: A TEDx Talk by Elaine Mansfield:
Thank you Elaine for sharing the lessons learned from your own grief. The notion that “grief is a wound but also an opportunity” will serve as a message of hope and consolation not only for many women who lose spouses but for anyone who has to let go of a loved one. Thank you also for showing us behind the scenes of a TEDx talk and the steps you took to make yours a successful one. Congratulations on an inspiring and powerful talk!
***
How about you? What lessons has grief taught you? Do you ever envision yourself being on the stage for a TEDx talk?
Elaine has graciously offered to give away one copy of her memoir to a commenter whose name will be selected in a random drawing.
We’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~
Next Post:
Monday, 4/27/15: “Have Memoir, Will Travel: Promoting My Memoir’s Message Through Public Speaking”
Reminder:
The first edition of my monthly newsletter will be published on Monday, 4/27/15. You can subscribe in the sign-up box in the right column.
April 13, 2015
I Did An About-Turn and Found the Right Road: Reflections From My Lenten Sabbatical
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler
” In every winter’s heart there is a quivering spring and behind the veil of each night is a smiling dawn.”~Kahil Gibran
Winter Beauty
I’m back after what has felt like a long winter’s nap…
I took on the challenge of giving up something I had worked five years to build. For forty days. A Lenten Sabbatical. During this time I came across a booklet of daily scripture reflections called Lord, Open My Heart by Julie Davis. Here’s what she says that resonated with my need to step back and reflect:
“Lent is about restoring our proper perspective toward God. It is a time for sacrifice and self-denial, a time of prayer and forgiveness, a time for a spring-cleaning of the soul.”
Yes, it was a challenge to step back from social media and I’ll confess I had a few minor relapses where I checked Facebook or my Twitter stream.
But my need to step back was greater than my need to stay in the stream.
I was ready to step back from the buzz and chaos of constant messages and updates. I needed to find a quiet place to rest and reflect. I was hopeful it would bring about a sense of renewal. I wanted to get back in touch with my purpose, my passions so that I could write from a place deep within about the things that mattered the most. I wanted to take care of myself so that I could be all I needed and wanted to be; to explore which road I wanted to take. I wanted to “spring-clean my soul “:
The fork in the road : Assateaugue National Wild Life Refuge, Va, February, 2015
I didn’t accomplish everything I had wanted to accomplish. I did not do as much writing on my next memoir as I had intended. I did not polish the article I plan to submit to Guidepost magazine. Actually, I let go of a schedule where I’d make a to-do list and dutifully cross off each item. Maybe I need to get back in the fray to get inspired about completing these tasks!
Instead, here’s what I did do…
I read what I wanted to read without feeling the need to post a review on Amazon. I don’t think Ernest Hemingway would have minded.
I wrote in my journal daily, a practice I had moved away from.
I stared out the window at the snow-covered woods and listened to the silence.
I spent more time with Wayne, walking with Max, our Golden Retriever and hanging out in the greenhouse as Wayne planted onions from seeds. His farmer’s sense told me spring was coming and I felt hopeful.
I spent time in prayer and meditation about Lent and what it meant to me day-to-day. Here’s one that holds a special meaning to me:
“For thus says the Lord, the Holy One of Israel: In returning and rest you shall be saved.” (ISAIAH 30:15)”
We all want progress. But progress means getting nearer to the place where you want to be…if you are on the wrong road, progress means doing an about-turn and walking back to the right road.
Drum roll please…
I worked on a newsletter-finally-which will go live on Monday, 4/27/15. You can subscribe in the sign-up box on the right sidebar. I will start out publishing this monthly and it will include updates, memoir musings and more of my story, i.e. sharing Max Moments (our big, fluffy Golden Retriever). The theme will be “sharing hope one story at a time”.
Here’s what happened…
In stepping back, I reconnected with my passion to share hope one story at a time. I came back to where I started, only with a renewed sense of purpose and desire to connect with others.
I missed you all and I’m excited to be back.
I love the feeling on being on the right road and look forward to all the ways we will stay connected.
Let’s all keep sharing our stories. We are all enriched, enlightened and inspired when we do.
For me, Lent turned out to be the ultimate season of hope with Easter and Spring being the fulfillment of the promise of hope and new beginnings; stepping from the darkness into the light.
Hope Matters!
Photo Credit: Flickr Creative Commons “Hydrangeas”
How about you? Have you ever stepped back so you can move forward?
I’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~
Next Week:
Monday, 04/20/15
“Good Grief! What I Learned From Loss: How a TEDx Talk Brought My Ideas to Life by Memoir Author Elaine Mansfield”
Elaine is the author of Leaning into Love: A Spiritual Journey Through Grief. She has graciously offered to give a copy of her memoir to a commenter whose name will be selected in a random drawing.
April 6, 2015
What I Learned When Memoir Writing Crept into My Book on Happiness by Flora Brown
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler with Flora Brown/@florabrown
“Memoir is about handing over your life to someone and saying,this is what I went through,this is who I am,and maybe you can learn something from it.” ~Jeannette Walls, The Glass Castle
I’m thrilled to feature author, coach and entrepreneur Flora Brown in this post. Flora and I met through The Gutsy Indie Publisher’s Facebook group. Flora is an author and book coach. Her 11th book, Color Your Life Happy, will be published in June, 2015. The story behind the story of a book is often as intriguing as the book itself. Flora discusses the inspiration for this book and what she learned in the process of writing it.
Please join me in welcoming Flora:
Author, Book Coach Flora Brown
What I Learned When Memoir Writing Crept into My Book on Happiness
One Sunday morning in 2007 I played hooky from church, arranged myself comfortably in bed and watched Joel Osteen, senior pastor of the Lakewood Church in Houston, TX deliver his televised sermon. Throughout his sermon, he repeated “ Claim your joy,” “Don’t let anyone steal your joy.”
As I reflected on his message, my eyes drifted to a promotional product catalog on my bed that had fallen open to a page showing a box of crayons. I had recently retired and for the last few days had been looking for a product I could use to promote my speaking gigs.
Just as Joel was repeating “Claim your own joy!” again I blurted out loud, “That’s right, we must learn to color our lives happy. God has already given us the crayons. (Click to Tweet)
Color Your Life Happy rang in my ears and spurred me to dash over to GoDaddy.com to see if ColorYourLifeHappy.com was available. It was. I bought it without a plan for how I would use it.
After attending the first blog conference in Las Vegas that year, I found a use for my domain. Color Your Life Happy became a blog where I shared steps and strategies that worked for me. I answered the questions people often asked me about how I accomplished this or that. Even though my life didn’t seem remarkable to me, I decided to proceed with my advice on making choices that lead to a happier life.
Blogging a Book…
One year and 100 blog posts later, I realized that I had the makings of a book. I began the task of fashioning those posts into a self-help book.(Click to Tweet)
Because I had previously coauthored two textbooks with traditional publishers, I had no desire to go through the long and exasperating experience of convincing them my book was worthy of publication. I decided to take all the risks myself, and so began my journey as an indie author.
My book set out to be self-help filled with advice on living a happy life. I offered supporting and opposing viewpoints from research in positive psychology and ancient truths. I packed each chapter with a unique mix of practical advice, creative activities, poetry, and anecdotes. But as I went along, more and more of my own life story crept into my book.
As I was just revising my book for a 2nd edition, I was stunned by an incident in my family that is still under investigation. Whereas before I was clipping along sharing advice, supporting it with highlights of research and inserting anecdotes with successful outcomes, I was suddenly stopped in my tracks.
How can I write a book on happiness now? I’m anything but happy I thought. After wallowing in self-pity and entertaining those “why me” thoughts, it eventually hit me.
Anybody can write about happiness when things are going their way. If you can’t write about embracing happiness when you are in desperate need of advice, how authentic is what you have to share?
I remembered what one of my favorite motivational speakers said when I interviewed him on my internet radio show, “When things go wrong, don’t go with them.” (Click to Tweet)
It was at that moment I decided to be empowered by this turning point, find the lesson in it, and take my own advice. I wish I could tell you that I wrote feverishly and finished the revisions in record time. I did not. I had many stops and starts, adjusting my attitude and fortifying my resolve to support my advice with real-life tips and strategies that worked for me and others.
From the stories from my life that I began to craft into my book on happiness, I learned three lessons.
1. Exposing what I was raised to hide is healing for me and my readers.
All families have secrets. My readers count on me to tell the truth that’s worth sharing
to move the book’s message forward. Sharing my experiences growing up during the racial divide in our country, for example, gives a glimpse into a life some people never experienced or realized existed.
2. What seems like boring everyday events to me can be inspiring and encouraging.
“I write to find out what I think.” Stephen King.
It’s the mistaken belief that we must do extraordinary things that makes so many people dissatisfied with their lives instead of appreciating the miracle of each day of life.
3. Sharing the embarrassing and painful parts of my life were exactly what I needed for my own healing and would be the most help for my readers. It’s the way we handle adversity and work through the inevitable pain we will all experience that matters.
“No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader.” Robert Frost
Telling the story about my sisters’ “stealing” the baby names I had carefully planned for my own children helped me get a glimpse at their side.
Though my book still fits into the self-help genre more than memoir, the stories of my life woven throughout helped me strengthen my belief in myself, honor others who played a role in my life, and share parts of my life my children haven’t heard before. Most of all, those stories demonstrate the message my book shares with memoirs:
Choose to be a victor, not a victim.
Featured at book signing along with authors Eric LaSalle and Michele Houston at Cerritos library. Cerritos, CA
Book signing at Curves
***
Thank you, Flora for sharing your wisdom and experience of writing your book, Your three tips resonate with me and I’m sure will touch many readers, especially “Sharing the embarrassing and painful parts of my life were exactly what I needed for my own healing and would be the most help for my readers.”In sharing your vulnerabilities, you are sharing your strength and showing us the role facing and sharing our pain plays in the healing process. I am excited about the publication of Color Your Life Happy and look forward to having you back when the book is published in June, 2015.
About the Author:
Flora Brown is an author, book coach, and a confirmed coffee snob with a unhealthy love of British murder mysteries. When she’s not writing, travelling, or researching (OK, spending too much time on the net) she helps aspiring authors steer clear of self-publishing pitfalls to potholes. When it was clear early on that she wouldn’t become an accomplished pianist and make her mother proud, she turned her love of bossing other people around into a 40-year teaching career, goading students toward excellence in junior high through university levels. Her 11th book, the 2nd edition of her book, Color Your Life Happy will be available June 2015. In the meantime, you can get free eBooks from her websites http://www.ColorYourLifeHappy.com and www.ColorYourLifePublished.com and follow her on social media.
Available June, 2015
How about you? How do real-life events influence your ability to write your story and spread your message?
We’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~
Next Week: I’m back from my Lenten Sabbatical!
Monday, 04/13/15:
“I Did An About-Turn and Found the Right Road: Reflections From My Lenten Sabbatical”
ANNOUNCEMENT:
I’m excited to announce a monthly newsletter with updates, book events, memoir musings and Max (our Golden Retriever) Moments! The first edition will be on April 27. You can subscribe to receive each edition in the sign-up form on the right sidebar.
Thank you!
March 30, 2015
Afraid of Everything WOW Blog Tour and Review with Karen Jones Gowen
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler with Karen Jones Gowen/@karengowen
” Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows,but only empties today of its strength.” ~Charles Spurgeon
Anxiety is a condition that we all experience from time to time. We all have fears and concerns, both founded and unfounded. But, for people who have been diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder or Panic Disorder, these fears become uncontrollable and immobilizing, often preventing them from living their lives to the fullest. Karen Jones Gowen explores these issues in her new novel.
Please join me in welcoming Karen in her Wow! Women on Writing Blog Tour for her new women’s fiction book, Afraid of Everything. Karen has written a creative and engaging novel which sheds a vivid light on how anxiety can impact one’s life.
Author Karen Jones Gowen
My Review:
When I started reading Karen Jones Gowen’s new novel, Afraid of Everything, I had to double-check that it was a novel and not a memoir. The beginning details a woman’s struggle with an uncontrollable anxiety through the interaction with a psychotherapist. The protagonist, Helena, is a Labor and Delivery nurse, whose extreme anxiety and fear of harming a patient have forced her to take a leave from her career. Anxiety permeates every aspect of her daily life, rendering her helpless to move forward. As Gowen slowly builds tension in her story, I found myself experiencing her fears and anxieties. Her writing is free-flowing and engaging. She paints a vivid picture of how anxiety looks and feels.
“When Mom died, my grief came like a silent howling creature, one whose throat was cut before it could scream. Sorrow was too mild a word for what coursed through me like a living being of destruction.” (Chapter Five, page 40)
In a unique plot twist, she is critically injured in a car accident and ends up in a coma. It is what happens while she is in a coma that keeps me turning the pages. Without giving away too much of the story, she finds her truth and her priorities and emerges a stronger person who is able to fully participate in her life. Although this is fiction, there are many valuable lessons for all of us. I highly recommend this well-crafted, creative novel which sheds light on anxiety and how it can impact our lives. It is an enjoyable and enlightening read.
Book Synopsis:
Afraid of Everything is a touching and expertly written book about the life and experiences of Helena Carr as she explores an intriguing new world.
Helena Carr is afraid of everything. After a crisis at work, she quits her job and feels lost. It’s time for a serious change, to beat the extreme anxiety that has plagued her since childhood. Something different, unplanned and radical. Sell her house, move to a foreign location, turn her life upside down in an effort to end the emotionally paralyzing fear.
Before Helena can act on her options, however, she has a terrible accident on a Southern California freeway. Instead of going on an exotic vacation, she is in a hospital, in a coma, traveling to strange worlds in another dimension, meeting people who seem to know more about her than she knows about herself.
As Helena explores this intriguing new world, she realizes the truth about her past and the purpose of her future. And she is no longer afraid. She is at last ready to live. But first, she must wake up from the coma.
Paperback: 285 Pages
Genre: Women’s Fiction
Publisher: WiDo Publishing (October 7, 2014)
ASIN: B00OAC0N6U
Twitter hashtag: #AfraidGowen
Afraid of Everything is available as an e-book and paperback at Amazon
About the Author:
Born and raised in central Illinois, Karen Jones Gowen now lives and writes in Panajachel, Guatemala. She and her husband Bruce are the parents of ten children. Not surprisingly, family relationships are a recurring theme in Gowen’s writing. Her children’s stories have appeared in the Friend, and her essays in the Jacksonville Journal Courier. Gowen’s published books are Farm Girl, Uncut Diamonds, House of Diamonds, Lighting Candles in the Snow, Farm Girl Country Cooking: Hearty Meals for Active Families and Afraid of Everything. She blogs at her website, karenjonesgowen.com and at Coming Down the Mountain.
Karen can be found online at:
Website: karenjonesgowen.com
Blog: karenjonesgowen.blogspot.com
Email: karenjonesgowen@gmail.com
Twitter: @KarenGowen
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/karen.gowen.1?fref=ts
How about you? How has anxiety–either in yourself or in others– impacted your life?
We’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~
Reminder: I am on a Lenten Sabbatical from my own blog posts and social media until 4/13/15. However, I will be available for comments and sharing of all guest posts.
Next Week:
Monday, 04/06/15:
“What I Learned When Memoir Writing Crept into My Book on Happiness by Flora Brown.”
