Kathleen Pooler's Blog, page 34

Story Strand Series #2: Please Don’t Tell Me My Son Is An Alcoholic

Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler

 

“What you allow is what you will continue.”

Photo Credit: Steven Henderson from “Heartbroken Mothers of Adult Child Alcoholics and Addicts” Facebook Group

Story Strand Series #2: Please Don’t Tell Me My Son Is An Alcoholic

It is a parent’s worst nightmare. The precious son you raised now has a drinking problem.

This is my story but I know I am not alone.

No, it wasn’t part of a normal adolescence, as much as I hoped he would “outgrow” it. Yes, I felt ill-equipped and vulnerable. Yes, I tried to help him. No, I rarely felt in control. Yes, I learned–reluctantly– through the lived experience what it meant to be the mother of an alcoholic son.

Yes, I have his permission to tell my side of the story.  My son started drinking alcohol at the age of twelve, although the first time I saw him drunk was two years later when he was fourteen-years old.

“This is your story, Mom,” my forty- year-old son recently told me, “pour it out on the page.”

God bless you, Brian. I am so proud of how hard you have worked to find your way through the ravages of this horrifying disease.

***

By definition, alcoholism is a physical dependency on alcohol. If your child is physically dependent on it, he needs help. The Alcoholic.org website advises:

 

“If your son has a physical dependency on alcohol then he is an alcoholic. To determine if your son has a drinking problem, ask yourself these questions:

Does your son drink often? Possibly every day?
Does your son prefer to drink alone?
Has drinking isolated your son and caused him to become withdrawn from family and friends?
Is your son trading in his old friends for new friends who drink often?
Does your son need to drink to have a good time?
Does your son seem more confident with himself and his abilities when he has been drinking?
Does alcohol allow him to talk to others more freely?
Does your son feel sad, depressed or guilty after he drinks?
Does he find himself in compromising situations when drinking?
Does he have blackouts when he drinks?
Does he frequently miss class or work because of his drinking?
Does alcohol cause him to take risks, whether with his own life or someone else’s life?
Has he lost friends directly due to his drinking?”

***

My son had all of these signs.

I had to break through my own denial that he was in real trouble and was repeating a cycle started by his father. In retrospect, it took much longer than I wished it had. But, I know I did the best I could at the time.

It has been, by far, the greatest challenge in my life.

 

Excerpt from my memoir-in-progress:

Reality Sets In, 1991

The clues remained as clear and obvious as ever. I walked the tight tope, knowing deep down that Brian needed help but still hoping he’d pull out of it–wake up, hit bottom, get scared and change. I had dealt with walking away from his father when the drinking did not stop but having a son with a drinking problem was new and different. It was terrorizing.

One day, I met him in front of the 1950s Amana stove as he staggered into the kitchen. I looked into his eyes and knew he was far away where I couldn’t reach him. He was slipping away right in front of me. I grieved over the loss of my sensitive, caring three -year-old who had shared his dripping orange popsicle with his little friend the end of the driveway; the ten-year-old who had reached out to comfort the old man in the nursing home in Missouri; the one who held so much promise for making a positive difference in the world.

“Where are you Brian and how can I get you back?” I cried, terrified and helpless as I grabbed his slumped shoulders and shook him. He looked beyond me and didn’t answer then turned away and went to his bedroom as I leaned on the stove and sobbed.”

***

My heart ached for him to be a part of our family again…like it used to be…before his drinking changed all our lives. Up and down my emotions soared leaving us all confused, restless, consumed with worry and fear.

What happened to my bright –eyed, happy little boy?

Hope remained till the mask was removed. Years later…

What I saw when I looked into his face was not my son. It was the face of every addict. A face that was unrecognizable to me. He was hiding behind a mask. Lost.

I was ill-prepared for the journey this addiction sent me on.

I, too, began to sink lower and lower to a bottom where fear, shame and guilt smothered all the happiness and peace out of every passing day.

Walking away from an alcoholic spouse is hard enough. When your child is an alcoholic, how do you let go and move on?

Years of counseling and Alanon taught me more about his disease; opened my eyes. My faith helped me to endure and hope.

My journey from fear to hope will be addressed in my memoir…TBA.

How about you? Have you had to deal with a loved one who is an alcoholic? An alcoholic child? I know I’m not alone in this heartbreaking journey.

 

I would love to hear your stories and thoughts. Please leave your comments below~

***

ANNOUNCEMENT: 

Congratulations to Charlene Diane Jones for winning a copy of Linda Kovic-Skow’s memoir, French Illusions, Book 2!

This week:

Monday, 10/26/15:

October 2015 Newsletter: October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. (Sign up in the right side bar if you are interested in receiving these monthly updates. I’d love to have you along!)

Next Week:

Monday, 11/02/15:

“Celebrating Life Through Death: 14 Days to a Memoir by Lisa Goich.”

Lisa is the author of 14 Days: A Mother, A Daughter, A Two-Week Goodbye available on Amazon on 11/10/15. She will give away one copy of her memoir to a commenter whose name will be selected in a random drawing.

 

 

An Interview with Memoir Author Linda Kovic-Skow: The French Illusions Series

Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypoolerwith Linda Kovic-Skow/@LindaKovicSkow

“Where ever you go, go with all your heart.” Confucious

I’m excited to have memoir author Linda Kovic-Skow back to share her memoir writer’s journey with us. Her stories of a young woman in France are intriguing and captivating. Linda shared her first memoir, French Illusions, Book 1: My Story as an Au Pair in the Loire Valley in this post. When I finished reading her memoir, back in 2013, I couldn’t wait for the sequel so I was thrilled when she came out with French Illusions,Book 2: From Tours to Paris in 2015.

My biggest question: How does a 20-something have the nerve to travel to France without knowing the language?

Linda at 20-something

My reviews of French Illusions, Book 2 can be found on:

Amazon, Goodreads, Shelfari, LibraryThings, and Riffle

Welcome back, Linda!

Memoir Author Linda Kovic-Skow

 

KP:What was the turning point when you decided to write your memoirs?

 

LKS:In 2007, after my husband and I dropped our youngest daughter off at college, I went through a sort of mid-life crisis. I missed being a mom and I wondered how I would fill the void. This prompted me to review what I like to call my “mid-life list.” This is similar to a “bucket list,” but instead of exploring things to do before you die, you refocus yourself, while you’re still relatively young, and figure out the things you want to do in your fifties. My list was short.

 

-Learn to play the piano

-Travel to Africa to see the elephants

-Travel to Tahiti and see the island of Bora Bora

-Write a book

 

At the time, I didn’t own a piano, and with two daughters in college, I couldn’t afford a trip to Africa or Tahiti, so that left me to examine the fourth item on my list more closely. If I did write a book, would it be fiction or non-fiction? What genre would I choose?

The answers to my questions came to me in the shower (which is where many of my ideas seem to materialize, strangely enough.) I would find my diary from 1979 and write a memoir. I’d told the story about my au pair adventure in France on countless occasions, and the reaction from friends and family was often the same: You should write a book! It took me three years and countless hours to write my first book, and a little over a year to finish the sequel, but now I can scratch another item off my mid-life list.

 

KP: Can you tell us a bit about your French Illusions Series?

 

LKS: Yes, of course, I’d love to. In 1979, when I was twenty-one, I dreamed of becoming a flight attendant for World Airways. I landed an interview, but they informed me that I’d have to learn another language before they would consider me for the job. Broke, yet determined, I chose immersion and pretended to speak basic French to secure an au pair position for a wealthy family in France. My Story as an American Au Pair in the Loire Valley captures my often challenging, real-life story inside and outside the Château de Montclair. The over-bearing, Madame Dubois, her accommodating husband and their two children are highlighted as I struggled to adapt to my new environment. When I encountered, Adam, a handsome young student, my life became more complicated, adding fuel to my internal battle for independence.

The story continues in From Tours to Paris – the final book in the French Illusions Series. Still determined to learn French and fulfill my dream of becoming an international flight attendant, I put my disastrous stint as an au pair behind me and reveled in newfound freedom in the city of Tours. I found lodging, enrolled at a French institute, and spent eight glorious days with Adam before he left for the holidays. When he returned, his shocking announcement propelled me in a different direction, eventually leading me to Paris.

 

KP: How fortunate that you kept diaries. How long had it been since you looked at them?

 

LKS: Many, many years. As a matter of fact, I had a hard time finding my diaries. Once I decided to write the book, I tore the house apart looking for them. They weren’t in the garage or the closet under the stairs, so I drove to our storage unit to search for them. One at a time, I pulled out bins and boxes until only one box remained. Buried inside this last container was a plastic bag, and inside that bag, I found my diaries. It was such a relief to hold them in my hands. Later that night, I read through my entries and relived the experiences I had so meticulously detailed during my stay in the Loire Valley and Paris. I couldn’t believe how many things I’d forgotten.

 

 

KP: Did you experience many difficulties writing your memoirs?

 

LKS: Yes, I have to admit writing French Illusions: My Story as an American Au Pair in the Loire Valley and From Tours to Paris was a lot more complex than I initially imagined it would be. My diaries were great outlines, but I realized early on that I would have to change the names of people and places in my stories to protect identities. This was especially true with regard to my host au pair family. Acquiring permission from them was out of the question. Totally out of the question. If you read my book, you’ll understand. Additionally, over thirty years had passed since I spoke with anyone I’d met in France. I no longer had any contact information. With this in mind, I researched common French names and conferred with my editor to find ones that would fit my characters.

Other decisions haunted me along the way. Where will I find elusive data from 1979 and 1980 on the Loire Valley, the town of Tours and Paris? How should I deal with the French sprinkled throughout the books? Should I italicize my inner thoughts? Oh, and I really struggled with how much detail to include in my own love scenes, especially in the second book. Wiping the sweat off my brow, I wrote and then rewrote these parts until I could read them aloud without squirming in my seat.

 

KP: Do your books have a message for readers?

LKS: The most important thing I hope people take away from the French Illusions series is to take some risks in life. You never know where curves in the road will lead you. My experiences in France when I was a young woman shaped me into the person I am today. I learned some hard lessons about love and the importance of honesty. It’s not too late to create your own memories, so go out and explore the world. Life’s for living, after all.

***

Thank you, Linda for sharing your memoir writer’s journey with us and for showing us how to successfully write a series by leaving readers craving for more of your story! Best wishes with your series.

***

 Author Bio:

Linda Kovic-Skow is a best-selling author in travel in France. Originally from Seattle, she currently winters in Gilbert, Arizona and spends summers on a boat in the Pacific Northwest Waters of Washington and British Columbia. She earned an Associate Degree in Medical Assisting in 1978 from North Seattle Community College and a Bachelor of Arts in Business Administration from Seattle University in 1985. She has been married for 30 years and has two daughters. An enthusiastic traveler, Linda also enjoys hiking, gardening and socializing with friends. For more information and to connect with Linda on Facebook, Twitter or Pinterest, please visit her website at http://lindakovicskow.com. The French Illusions Series is available at most retailers, including Amazon.com.

 

How about you? Do you have a story about taking risks in life? What do you think about Linda’s call to adventure?

Linda has graciously offered to give away an autographed copy of her memoir, French Illusions, Book 2: From Tours to Paris to a commenter whose name will be selected in a random drawing.

We’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~

 

Next Week:

Monday, 10/26/15:

“Story Strand Series #2: Please Don’t Tell Me My Son is an Alcoholic.”

October 2015 Newsletter: October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month. (You can sign up for my monthly newsletter  about memoir musings, updates and Max Moments in the right sidebar. I’d love to have you along!)

 

 

Wired For Memoir and A Magical Memoir Marketing Moment

Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler

“He who believes that the past cannot be changed has not yet written his memoirs.”~Torvald Gahlin

Photo Credit: Google Free Images

When I read Lisa Cron’s fascinating book, Wired for Story about how our brains crave story, I couldn’t help but wonder if I was wired for memoir. Cron focuses on crafting a compelling and unforgettable story in all genres but many of her tips and well-researched insights apply to memoir writing. I highly recommend her book to any writer.

She offers insights about how our brains look for patterns, hidden messages, scenic details giving writers insights into what readers look for. No one can tell you how to write but being equipped with these insights can help in the writing process.

So why do I think I may be wired for memoir?

Not everyone wants to pour out their personal stories with reflections, introspections and endless self-discoveries to share with the world.

Sometimes I even wonder why on earth I want to put myself through dredging up painful memories to carve out a story worth reading.

Here are a few thoughts:

First of all, at this time, I feel no desire or need to apply my imagination or creativity to a fictitious story . I feel like I have enough fodder for several memoirs though I have no illusion that I will be writing one memoir after another for years to come.
As most writers do, I feel driven by story in the sense that I find stories in everyday life.
I am willing to make myself vulnerable to self-discoveries and lessons, despite the discomfort. The sensitive issues surrounding memoir writing regarding privacy and ethics are always in the forefront. This is why it took me years to write a memoir that spoke to my truth without intentionally disparaging others.
Once I find a purpose for writing my story and can glean valuable lessons for my readers, there is usually no stopping me. I can share universal truths through my personal story. The story becomes bigger than me.
Though memories are tricky, the story reveals itself as long as I keep writing and trust in the process. Finding the truth in memories is both arduous and exhilarating.
All of these reasons help to keep me focused until the end and continue to keep me focused in the marketing phase.
I enjoy the challenge of making sense out of my memories and sharing what I’ve learned so others may benefit.
The feelings of healing and transformation I have experienced in writing and sharing my life story keep me writing.

This fires up my brain and makes me feel “wired for memoir”.

It reminds me of my nursing profession where I knew I had to have a passion for the work in order to endure the hardships of the long hours, difficult patients, surly doctors.

You have to love it to keep doing it.

And I do.

It took me five long years of nose-to-the-grindstone labor to write/rewrite and publish my first memoir, Ever Faithful to His Lead: My Journey Away From Emotional Abuse, the story I had no intention of writing but the one that begged to be told.

I’m happy I listened as the story has reached people who need to read it and has taken me to places I never could have imagined.

The community of writers, readers and friends I have met as a result of writing this memoir has been a constant source of inspiration and loving support to me. I am most grateful.

My memoir has developed a life of its own.

Let me explain…

Vanilla-Lime Inspiration

A dear friend and writing colleague, Susan Weidener recently gave me a gift of a butterfly candle holder with Yankee Candle vanilla –lime tea lights to inspire me in my writing journey. She knew I was struggling with getting started on my second memoir. As many of you know, Susan founded the Women’s Writing Circle in Chester County, Pennsylvania and is a strong supporter of women’s voices. She starts every circle by lighting a candle in the center of the room. I feel most grateful to have participated in the Circle.

I kept her note and gift on my desk for a few months until one day when I lit the first candle. The warm, luscious scent of vanilla-lime permeated my writing space as I began to write.

When the six tea lights were gone, I went on a frantic search throughout town to replenish my supply. I was hooked. I had to have vanilla-lime candles. Finally, I found them at a local gift shop/bookstore and bought a dozen votive candles that would last longer. As an aside, I arranged a book event in this store for 10/17 while I was there and the left several copies of my book for display. Indie bookstore owners who are supportive of local authors are priceless.

When the supply of a dozen votive candles dwindled, you guessed it, I felt panicky. One day, on my way home, I took a side trip –out of my way—to the mall to another Yankee Candle store.

“I’m sorry,” a lovely woman with sandy-colored hair and a warm smile said,” vanilla-lime is out of season. Can I interest you in some of our new fall scents.”

“No, it has to be vanilla-lime.” I said.

“May I ask why?”

I told her the story of my writing inspiration and she asked about my memoir. She requested my business card which I gave her then said she would check about ordering the candles online for me.

“So tell me more about your memoir,” she said as she began working at her computer.

As I was talking, I turned to see a young woman waiting in line.

“Oh, I didn’t mean to listen,” she said.

“Not a problem at all,” I said.

“I just got out of my second abusive marriage,” she said, “I need to read your book.”

My mouth was agape.

“Do you mean, there is hope for me,” she said as her eyes watered up.

“There sure is.” I said, reaching out to hug her, adding “and you are who I wrote the book for.”

The clerk behind the counter held her arms across her chest, “I have chills.”

***

It was a Magical Memoir Marketing Moment and it made everything I’d done up to that point feel worth it.

Photo Credit: Flickr Creative Commons

Yes, I am happily wired for memoir!

***

How about you? Do you think you are wired to read or write in a particular genre? If so, why?

I’d love to hear your thoughts and stories. Please leave your comments below~

***

ANNOUNCMENT:

 Congratulations, Merima Jackson. Your name was selected in a random drawing of  commenters to receive Carol Graham’s memoir, Battered Hope!

 

This week:

Saturday, October 17:

A podcast interview about  Ever Faithful to His Lead; My Journey Away From Emotional Abuse  on “Never Ever Give Up Hope” Radio Show with Carol Graham will air on 10/17.

Next Week:

Monday, 10/19/15:

“Interview with Memoir Author Linda Kovic-Skow: The French Illusion Series”, author of The French Illusion Series, Books 1 and 2.

A Faith Greater than Fear: A Memoir of Triumph by Carol Graham

Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler with Carol Graham/@batteredhope

 “Feed your faith or feed your fear.  What you feed will grow.  What you starve will die.”~     Author’s favorite quote from her father.

I gives me great pleasure to introduce you to Carol Graham in this guest post about her memoir, Battered Hope. Carol and I met through the We Love Memoir Facebook group. In addition to  being a memoirist, Carol  is also a radio talk show host on “Never, Ever Give Up Hope”  where she interviews people who have overcome adversities. Her mission  is to share hope with others by sharing stories of survival and triumph over life’s challenges.

October is National Domestic Awareness Month. Carol’s memoir addresses freedom from marital abuse and helps break through the conspiracy of silence that often surrounds abuse.

My reviews of her memoir, Battered Hope, can be found on:

Amazon, Goodreads, Shelfari, LibraryThing and Riffle.

Welcome, Carol!

Memoirist and Radio Talk Show Host for “Never Ever Give Up Hope”

A Faith Greater Than Fear: A Memoir of Triumph

KP: Battered Hope is a deeply personal story of how you overcame many insurmountable obstacles. Can you tell us why you wrote this story?

CG:  I wrote it for two reasons.  I knew there was a ‘book’ in me but was terrified to expose it to the world.  Initially it was to appease my daughter who consistently pushed me to write it.   BUT, it was her miniature Dachshund, Louis Vuitton, who finally motivated me to put pen to paper.  That hilarious story, I owe my career to Louis Vuitton,  was recently posted on Midlife  Boulevard  http://midlifeboulevard.com/p-graham-owe-career-dream-louis-vuitton/   

The second reason is a bit more complicated.   I knew nothing about  any aspects of writing or publishing a book.  I was a social media illiterate.  I pushed myself out of my comfort zone and it took 10 years to complete the memoir.  Many aspects of my life were hidden, even from family and close friends.  The idea of exposing that had to be weighed against who might be helped and encouraged by my story.   My fear lost to compassion.

KP : While reading your memoir, I marveled at your resilience in the face of so many misfortunes. What was the experience of writing this like for you?

I wrote late in the evening, locked in my office.  There I could weep while bringing up memories I had chosen to bury decades ago.  When I needed clarification on something, I would ask my husband.  It was even more difficult for him to relive those moments and I was careful how I asked him – keeping the emotion out of it.

CG: Memoir writers often fear repercussions from family members and close friends when revealing their truths. You tell your story with raw honesty.  How were you able to summon the courage to reveal your past so openly? Did you have resistance from family members or friends?

CG: My family was extremely supportive and it answered a lot of questions for them that they never felt comfortable asking me.  Most of them cried.  My sister was extremely upset that she had not been there for me.  I assured her that was not the case.  I knew she would always love me but I did not want to worry her at the time.

KP: Memoir writing can be a daunting task. What tips do you have to share with others who are writing about a painful past?

CG: That’s a tough one.  I think the best advice I could give is – change everyone’s name.  I was always concerned I might offend someone but needed to share the full story.  Changing the names of everyone takes the pressure off.    

KP: What is the main message you hope to convey through your story?

CG:  I did not have a main message until after it was complete and then it became obvious.  I never gave up – no matter what.  I kept a good attitude.  And above all else, I chose to forgive each and every person who wronged me.  I believe that tone was woven through the story.  I have never seen any value in holding grudges, resentment or bitterness toward anyone – it only hurts you in the end.

KP: The publication of your memoir has led you to radio program that has garnered national and international attention. Please tell us about your program.

CG: I believe that after I was able to write, read and then digest my story in written form, it became clear that I was one of large group of people who had phenomenal stories to share.  I presented the question to memoir authors and the response was greater than ever expected.  Over 100 people responded the first day.

Although I knew less than nothing about producing a broadcast, I was determined to teach myself.  It took ten months of intense stretching of my comprehension skills.  It was a continual two steps forward and one step back process.  There were many tears as I tried to understand all aspects of interviewing, editing, broadcasting and many unforeseen skills I did not even realized existed but definitely needed.

But as much as writing my memoir has changed my life, producing my show has opened doors and opportunities I never could have experienced – if I had quit before completion.

One of the greatest benefits has been listening to ordinary people tell their story of extraordinary circumstances; how they survived, how it changed their lives, and what they are doing to make a difference in their/our world.  Often, after an interview, I am speechless and ponder the story I just witnessed at great length.  Each one leaves an impact on me and I trust it does the same for my listeners.

***

Thank you, Carol for sharing your memoir and your mission of spreading hope to others. We can all gain so much from one another by sharing our stories. I am thrilled that your radio talk show has gained an international audience. Hope has been a powerful force in my life and I love that you are spreading the word about how hope matters.

***

Author’s Bio: 

Carol Graham, author, motivational speaker, radio talk show host and health coach,  shares the art of becoming a survivor based on her own traumatic life experiences.

In her weekly blog and radio show, Never Ever Give Up Hope, Carol shares inspirational, motivational and heart-warming stories of people who have overcome insurmountable odds and became successful. She is a regular contributor to several websites and has been published in three anthologies.

Never Ever Give Up Hope Podcast by Carol Graham

Contact Information:

ABOUT ME:  http://batteredhope.blogspot.ca/p/blog-page.html

LIFE STYLE BLOG:  http://batteredhope.blogspot.com

PODCAST BLOG:  http://neverevergiveuphopenet.blogspot.com

AMAZON:  MEMOIR – http://amzn.to/1wEwEsN

YOU TUBE:  http://www.youtube.com/channel/UCtJUKhWho61x7HswwXNppPA

TWITTER:  http://twitter.com/BatteredHope

TWITTER:  @BatteredHope

FACEBOOK:  https://www.facebook.com/pages/Battered-Hope/609311382413550?ref=hl

FACEBOOK PERSONAL:  http://www.facebook.com/carol.graham.90834776

PINTEREST:  http://www.pinterest.com/batteredhope/

GOOGLE +:  https://plus.google.com/u/0/+CarolGraham/posts

LINKEDIN:  www.linkedin.com/pub/carol-graham/71/b2/446

GOODREADS:  https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/444146.Carol_Graham

Book Trailer:

website. Twitter, FB 

Brief Book Synopsis:

Carol lived an intense life of outrageous traumatic events, always a fighter and a winner over cancer, rape, marital abuse, husband in jail, loss of a child, and huge financial losses.  She strongly believes that laughter will get you through almost anything.

Her fast paced memoir, Battered Hope, reads with all the elements of a good novel – character, conflict, suspense, and resolution,  It is a story of hope, perseverance and faith.  It will afflict the comforted and comfort the afflicted.

***

How about you? Have you had the experience of writing about a painful past? How did you get through it? For those who love to read memoir, what keeps you turning the pages until the end?

Carol has graciously agreed to give away a copy of her memoir to a commenter whose name will be selected in a random drawing.

We’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~

***

Next Week:

Monday, 10/12/15: “Wired for Memoir and A Magical Memoir Marketing Moment.”

Saturday, 10/17/15: A podcast interview about  Ever Faithful to His Lead; My Journey Away From Emotional Abuse  on “Never Ever Give Up Hope” Radio Show with Carol Graham.

The Story Strand Series #1: Oh, No, Now I’m the Single Parent of Two Teenagers

Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler

 

Photo Credit: Free Google Images

The Story Strand Series #1: Oh, No, Now I’m the Single Parent of Two Teenagers

Welcome to the first installment in the Story Strand Series, my attempt to gain clarity and focus as I work on my next memoir and explore the many threads that are coming up for me.

The first thread is single-parenting two teenagers. My first response when broaching this topic:

Outnumbered right from the start.

In my first memoir, Ever Faithful to His Lead: My Journey Away From Emotional Abuse, I find my voice and inner strength and leave my abusive second husband, Dan. But the freedom and exhilaration of freeing myself and my children from the oppression of a controlling, mean-spirited man soon give way to the reality of being a single parent to two angry teens whom I hauled across the country in search of a better life and yet another new beginning. No wonder they were angry. I don’t blame them.

But I know teens are angry anyway about limits and boundaries as they test where they fit in their world. I remember being a teen and rebelling against my parents who were steady and true and provided me with a loving, stable childhood.

It’s hard enough to parent teenagers under the best of circumstances when there are two parents who are on the same page. Doing it alone can feel impossible and overwhelming.

But I was already on the horse and I had to do whatever it took to keep from falling off.

How does one single-handedly tame a bucking bronco?

Like most of us, I did the best I could at the time. Hindsight seems to bring about new clarity and wisdom that I wished I’d had at the time I was in the midst of it all, grappling with such questions as…

Am I loving them enough? Am I providing them with what they need? Am I setting the necessary limits? Am I being reasonable with the limits I do set? Am I being their role model?

 …when my prevailing feeling was:

How in the world am I ever going to survive this???

I can tell you that at the time, I would have answered “no” to all of these questions with the exception of number one, am I loving them enough? Of course, I loved them, no matter what. But why did I feel so helpless and ineffective when my daughter avoided me and flashed me her icy glares or my son left for parts unknown and kept me in a constant state of anxiety about his whereabouts and welfare? It seemed I was constantly reminding myself that I was the adult and they were the children.

***

 Brief excerpt from my next memoir, The Edge of Hope (working title):

 

I witnessed my bright-eyed, happy boy transform into a surly, gangly, pimply-faced teen whose sudden outbursts sent him punching walls and ripping phones from the wall. Angry and sullen, he defied me at every turn, staring at me with icy glares and slamming doors behind him.

I knew both Brian and his sister Leigh Ann missed their dad. It came in unexpected moments, like the day I found Brian in my bedroom, during the year before we moved from Missouri.

The sheer curtain gently rippled through the air as Brian leaned forward in the corner chair in my bedroom. With his elbows on his knees, he stared out the window as I rushed into the room to get my contacts. A quick glance reminded me that his twelve-year old body was changing before my eyes. He looked preoccupied.

“Hi B. What’s going on?” I asked.

“Oh nothing,” he said, pausing a moment, while keeping his head down.” I was just thinking about Clint.”

“What about Clint?”

“Clint’s dad takes him fishing,” he said, as he lowered his head into his hands and began sobbing. Wet tears streamed down his blotched face as he gasped in between sobs.

“I wish my dad could take me fishing.”

His deep, bellowing sobs tore at me like a hungry lion tears into his prey. Weak-kneed, I knelt in front of him feeling helpless. I was speechless. His dad was 1000 miles away, physically but the stark reality was that he was very much on Brian’s mind. Divorce was not a clear-cut solution even if it was the only solution. The guilt always seemed to linger like an unwanted guest at times like these. I realized no matter how far away we were, Ed would always be their dad and they would always long for him. No one else could fill the deep longing in their hearts.

 ***

 In this article, “Help for Single Parents of Teens,’ author Mark Gregson offers up some practical tips for helping single parents:

“In almost every case, a single parent is walking down a road they didn’t plan to be on. They started with two parents, but something happened—death, divorce, abandonment—and now they are struggling to fill two roles that their children desperately need. They are trying to do an already difficult task without all of the resources they need.”

Tips:

1. Set rules and boundaries and establish consequences.

2. Don’t be too lenient

3. Make a point of spending one on one time with your teen

4. Develop a support system that works for you.

5. Figure out a way to deal with the tug of war when your ex-spouse disagrees with your parenting style.

6. Don’t ever give up hope.

***

These tips certainly make sense and we do the best we can to fulfill our role as mother and father. My hat goes out to all single parents who face the monumental task of bringing children up alone.

For me, it was a mixture of joy and heartache. The joy was having my children with me and experiencing the freedom to parent them as I saw fit without having to negotiate my way around another person’s parenting style. The heartache was having my children with me all the time without a break and having little time for taking care of my own needs. The year my children gave me a Father’s Day card, I realized how ineffective I felt. I knew how to be a mother. I didn’t want to be a father, too. Having had a wonderful father, I knew what my children were missing and I grieved for the absence of a steady, strong presence of a loving father in their lives. Their father loved them but he couldn’t deliver when it came to being there for them like they needed him.

How I end up facing it and working through it will be woven into my memoir…TBA.

How about you? If you’ve been or are a single parent, what has the experience been like for you? How have or do you cope? What’s the best thing about it? The worst thing? If you know single parents, how do you help them?

 

I’d love to hear your thoughts. Please leave your comments below~

 

ANNOUNCEMENT: 

Congratulations to Carol Graham for winning CeeCee James’ memoir, Ghost No More and to Lucinda Clarke for winning CeeCee’s debut novel, Wrecked and More!

 

This Week:

Monday, 09/28/15:

The September 2015 Newsletter: “Golden New Beginnings” (subscribe in the right side bar. if you are interested in receiving the monthly newsletter. I’d love to have you!)

Next Week:

Monday 10/04/15:

“A Faith Greater Than Fear: A Memoir of Triumph by Carol Graham.”

Carol is the author of Battered Hope and the host of the radio show “Never , Ever Give Up Hope”. She will give away a copy of her memoir to a commenter whose name will be selected in a random drawing.

 

 

 

 

 

Circling the Mountain: Lessons Learned on My Memoir Writer’s Journey by Cee Cee James

Posted by Kathleen Pooler /@kathypooler with Cee Cee James/@SunshineonMe3

“There is nothing wrong with writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.” Ernest Hemingway

I’m thrilled to feature  author  CeeCee James in this guest post about lessons learned from her memoir writer’s journey. Cee Cee and I met in the We Love Memoirs Facebook group and later during the Inspirational Authors’ Facebook Event on July 2.2015. 

Cee Cee is the mother of four amazing kids, and wife of a hard-working husband. She’s written four nonfiction books. In August, she dipped my toe into the fiction world with a new book, Wrecked and Yours, about three homeless teens, and how they reconnect later as adults. In her three-part nonfiction books, Ghost No More Series–Ghost No More, Lost No More, Fear No More– she chronicles her journey of  enduring and overcoming childhood abuse.

 

Here are my reviews of  book one, Ghost No More can be on Amazon, Goodreads, Shelfari, LibraryThings and Riffle

Welcome, Cee Cee!

Circling the Mountain: Lessons Learned on My Memoir Writer’s Journey

Photo Credit: Google Images www.fanpop.com

The story about overcoming strife is one that resonates with me. I lived it myself. My first book, Ghost No More, chronicles my childhood in an abusive home. It was tricky to write, because first and foremost, while I wanted to share my memories and experiences, I wanted to do it in a way that did not disrespect my parents. My story wasn’t about them, per se, but about my own journey moving from fear to hope.

I think every one of us has an important story. In writing the Ghost No More series I hoped to give other people validation in their own experiences. We’ve all heard horrific child abuse stories. My person childhood didn’t fall in that category. But it was still something that brought fear, anxiety, and shame that I had to overcome as an adult.

I used to balance my own experiences against the experiences of other people. Somehow someone else’s heartache seemed to empty my own suffering when I compared it with myself.

But at the same time, I still feel like I was dealing with the affects of past trauma. By comparing to others, I ended up belittling my own reactions as if I were somehow failing by still struggling, when other people who went through so much worse and seemed to be able to be so strong.

Many times in my life I have felt like I was going around and around the mountain, trying to overcome whatever struggle was in front of me, whether it was stress, fear or something else.

It was years later when I heard the analogy of an outdoorsman who hiked up a steep mountain in the desert that things began to make sense. He said that to hike straight up the mountain would be dangerous, even deadly. The only safe way to the top was through switch-backs. His words gave me a picture of what I thought was circling the mountain. My journey really was spiraling up. Because, despite how I didn’t always react to the same situation the way I wanted to, I was changing through the years.

I’ve noticed in my life that I often had more grace on other people than I ever did myself. I think kindness to other people is key. I do believe it’s important to be as understanding as possible to others since we don’t always know what they’re going through. But, just as critical, it’s important to be kind to ourselves. I’ve said terrible things to myself, negative things I would never tell another person. Words like, “failure, can’t believe you said that, get it together, ugly, fat.”

But I’ve learned I have to value myself to have peace in my life. It’s what rallies me as I continue to deal with issues like fear or stress. I hope this post will remind you of the same thing. Maybe you don’t struggle with negative thoughts, but I’d still love to remind you in case you haven’t heard it in a while- You are stronger than you think, more talented than you believe, and truly an asset to those in your life. Even if you don’t feel like it’s true, I promise it is.

And now, because I’m so excited about my journey into the fiction world, let me share a bit about Wrecked and Yours. It’s a story about three homeless kids, and how they navigate life. As adults they reconnect, and it’s messy, like life often is. It’s their season to make a choice, look at life honestly and deal with it, or continue to run away. I absolutely loved writing it.

Author Bio:

CeeCee James loves to write, paint with watercolors, and eat chocolate—but not necessarily all at the same time. She loves to play pranks, too, usually on her poor husband, who luckily puts up with her and lets her think she’s clever. 

You can visit her blog at :

http://joyfullivingpafterchildabuse.blogspot.com/

Twitter @SunshineonMe3

Amazon Author Page- http://www.amazon.com/CeeCee-James/e/B00IJNN6LA/ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1?qid=1440037462&sr=8-1

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ghostnomore

Here’s a link to a Blog Talk Radio program, “Stop Child Abuse Now” where CeeCee was interviewed about her story, It’s well worth listening to. “Our stories matter.”

***

Synopsis of Ghost No More:

Behind the glitz and the glamour of the beauty queen mother lies a web of secrets. CeeCee is a child desperate for a touch of approval, the love of her mother. Her reality is her mom’s retreating back, abandoning CeeCee in front of a burning car.

But somewhere amid the chaos and despair, CeeCee holds onto something precious, the only thing that drives her on – hope.

Ghost No More is a child abuse true story that proves joy can be found beyond abuse.

“Hauntingly beautiful. Honestly and unflinchingly written, Ghost No More held me in its grasp as I turned from shock at the cruelty of some people to awe at the strength of one little girl to overcome. It is more than the story of an abused child; it’s a story about the capacity of the human spirit to survive and thrive. It will leave you feeling empowered in your own life journey.” — Leslie G Nelson, author of Everything I Needed to Know About Parenting I Learned in Prison: A Correctional Officer’s Tale

 

 

Synopsis of Wrecked and Yours:

What could drive best friends apart?

Once Miranda, her little sister Cassie and Jason were inseparable—homeless teens standing together against the rest of the world.

But those days are long gone.

Unable to deal with the ghosts of her past any longer, MirandaTemple abandons her life and everyone she knew, determined to carve a new identity.

She thought nothing could make her go back, but when her beloved younger sister Cassie is in a car accident, she discovers she was wrong.

As Cassie fights for her life, Miranda has to try to pick up the pieces of the destruction she left. And face the inner turmoil she’d always tried to deny before it permanently destroys any chance for happiness.

Jason swears his friendship with her is ruined. But as Miranda and Jason worry about Cassie, they start to rediscover each other and learn how to forgive. But with so many scars separating them, can they learn to trust each other again?

***

Thank you Cee Cee for sharing your writing journey and for showing us how you found your way around that mountain to tell your story of resilience, courage and healing from abuse. Many will benefit from your sharing.

***

How about you? How many times do you find yourself  “circling the mountain as you write your story”?

Cee Cee has graciously offered to give away eBook copies of both her memoir, Ghost No More and her novel,Wrecked to two commenters whose names will be selected in a  random drawing.

We’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~

Next Week:

Monday, 09/28/15:  

“Story Strand Series #1: Oh, No, Now I’m a Single Parent of Two Teenagers”

Discipline in Memoir Writing: Hard to Come By, Wonderful to Have by Denis Ledoux

Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler with Denis Ledoux/@denisledoux

Denis Ledoux is a well-known and well-respected memoir coach and founder of The Memoir Network, a site which provides a wealth of resources –many free–for anyone wishing to write and publish their memoir. I am thrilled to have Denis return to Memoir Writer’s Journey with more valuable tips on the memoir writing process. We all know that anything worth doing-such as writing a memoir-requires tremendous discipline and perseverance. I hope you’ll enjoy Denis’ practical tips on getting started and keeping the writing momentum going in a process that can  often feel daunting and overwhelming.

As I have disclosed on my sidebar, I am an affiliate of The Memoir Network and do receive compensation for any registrations from my website.  I strongly believe in memoir education and stand behind the programs Denis offers through The Memoir Network. Be sure to checkout the generous bonus he is offering to readers of this blog at the end of this post.

 

Welcome back, Denis!

Memoir Author and Writing Coach Denis Ledoux

Discipline: Hard to Come By, Wonderful to Have.

  Perhaps it’s because we write about our own lives that we memoir writers have a sense that writing a memoir ought not to be as hard as it can be.

We know the material, right?

Well, actually we don’t. That is, we usually know the dates and the events but we usually don’t know what they mean in our lives nor how they added up. Writing about our material becomes a process of finding meaning—often an uncomfortable process.

“Writing is hard,” you tell yourself as you look at your production for the day. “Perhaps I’m not cut out for this.”

To your dismay, you have been writing in snippets for many days now. It does not always flow. In the mornings, when you show up at your laptop—later and later it seems, you must face, as does every writer, a demanding master: your daily writing. Why can’t writing be more fun? Why can’t it be—well, to tell the truth—less hard. The making meaning of a life is not easy

Oh, how you wish it were the end of your scheduled writing period for the day! Why did you think you could do this book-writing thing!

“Whom am I kidding?”

 

Discouragement sets in.

 

Like many writers, your writing time is perhaps not long. Too soon, you need to move on to the numerous chores that are attendant on keeping a life and a home going. Nevertheless, you feel some urgency to write deathless prose because of the short period available. After all you have so little time to write that it ought to be good writing, shouldn’t it?

To always produce good writing would be encouraging, but if that is what you need, you are likely to quit. Every profession has days of pick-and-shovel work that is not that much fun—but it is absolutely necessary. Perhaps you are in a pick-and-shovel phase that will lay the foundation for bringing your book to another stage?

Not to be daunted, perhaps you open a document file and find there 200 words you had written, say, several days earlier. Then you think, “OK, today, I will bring this vignette to completion. I’ll turn it into a chapter,” but it seems that you can only write another few hundred words before you feel like moving on to something else—anything else but this dreadful text on the screen before you! The vein of inspiration has completely dried up. Even the few hundred words that you have managed to write that day when you summoned your energy to be brave and continue to write seem to be trash. In fact, who would dispute that any junior-high-school writer could do better, for heaven’s sake! So you think, “I better move on to another document. Let this ‘meretricious melodrama’ incubate for a while longer.”

You are sure this is not the way “real” writer’s write.

You open another document. “What do you know!” you tell yourself with pleasure, “this story fragment already has 500 words. I’ll pitch right in with some editing. I’ll get those five hundred words into shape.” By the time you get to the end of the text, you have been able to add a few hundred new words and, by the time that is done, it has become the end of your allotted writing time and, with great relief, you realize you can honorably move on with your day. You  still call yourself faithful to your mission to write when someone at the grocery store, someone you have not seen in a while, asks you what you have been doing.

“Why I’ve been writing a book,” you will be able to respond honestly.

If you write, you are a writer.  Tweet this.

Why would you think that writers—”real” writers—do things differently? Why would it be different for you to show up and do the work of writing a book?

An exercise in mindful reframing.

Calculate the number of pages you have written for your manuscript—not just today but since you began to write. Even snippets add up to many pages if done regularly enough. While it is possible your writing snippets will not be praised as deathless prose, and you do not know how much of it will survive into a finished memoir, it is nonetheless always easier to rewrite and edit than to produce a fresh text.

Be kind to yourself. Plodding along is an aspect of writing everyone must accept. While there are days of exuberant writing when the words appear on the screen as fast as you can type, and when you reread the text, it all sounds great, there are many more days when writing is a matter of showing up and doing the work—plodding along like a work horse who, step by step, transverses the miles. Over time, even your plodding writing—with editing—will add up to a manuscript.

Often in rereading the texts, the writer—and the reader—cannot discern which parts were written in exuberance and which parts are the result of careful professional rewriting—and you will, over time, become be a professional writer if you work this way.

The bottom line

The bottom line is something you’ll reach if you keep at your work. In time, you’ll produce much text to serve as a basis for a book.

Remember: “Inch by inch, it’s a cinch. Yard by yard, it’s hard.”

Show up and do the work of writing a book. You’ll be glad you did.

 

Bio

Denis Ledoux has been helping people to write memoir since 1989. This fall, he is teaching his signature Write Your Memoir Draft Tele-Course. In the next seven months—finishing in April 2016—you could be writing in the company of an experienced mentor and a thoughtful group of writers.

The Write Your Memoir Draft Tele-Course is designed to support your memoir writing success by providing the discipline of accountability and deadlines. The first tele-class is scheduled for September 17.

Here’s a generous BONUS:

Mention you learned about the class from this blog and receive a $69 Memoir Start Up Package which comes with $40+ of bonuses. The first two people to mention this blog will also receive a $100 discount.

Register today. If you want to write a first draft, even if you have already started, this course will be a game changer.

Course link: http://thememoirnetwork.com/services/memoir-authority-membership/

MSUP link: http://thememoirnetwork.com/shop/memoir-start-package/

Register: http://thememoirnetwork.com/shop/memoir-authority-membership/

***

Thank you Denis for providing these practical tips on how to stay focused so we can achieve the goal of completing our memoirs. I  also appreciate your generosity in sharing your knowledge and experience and in offering the Memoir Start-up package and a discount to my readers for your upcoming tele-course on writing a first draft. I look forward to having you back again!

***

Next Week:

Monday, 09/21/15:

“Circling the Mountain:Lessons Learned On My Memoir Writer’s Journey by CeeCee James.”

CeeCee is the author of The Ghost No More Series and Wrecked and Yours. CeeCee will be giving away eBook copies of both books to two commenters whose names will be selected in a random drawing.

 

 

The Story Strand Series Introduction:Memoir Moments

Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler

“Memoir begins not with event but with the intuition of meaning–with the mysterious fact that life can sometimes step free from the chaos of contingency and become story.”  Sven Birkerts, Author, The Art of Time in Memoir, p.34.

Photo Credit: Flickr Creative Commons

Memoir writing is a journey of self-discovery; a process of recalling memories and finding meaning in them–making sense of the events that have shaped us. It’s no secret that the challenge of revisiting and reliving past memories can be daunting, even scary. Some things may be buried so deep that we are not even aware of how they have affected us. That is, until we begin this brave journey into unchartered territory.

The path into the deep, dark forest of our past calls us and we either brush it aside or we heed its call and move forward, hopeful to find a clearing.

We all have stories to share of how we became who we are; moments when our lives changed in a heartbeat and we were forced to dig even deeper  to find the resources to survive and thrive.

 

Writing these stories becomes a gift to ourselves. Sharing these stories and the lessons learned becomes our gift to one another.

 

Photo Credit: Flickr Creative Commons

This is why I want to  share the strands of my story; to open up the conversation about topics that have impacted me in my life and invite you to share your insights, thoughts through your own stories.

We are all enriched, inspired and enlightened when we share our stories.

 

 

 

 

 

I picked the name strands because I see lots of loose ends that need to be tied together into a cohesive narrative; a unique personal story with a universal message.

 

Lynn C. Miller and Lisa Lenard-Cook, memoir teachers and co-author of  Find Your Story: Wrote Your Memoir, call it “the occasion of telling”.

Lisa Dale Norton, memoir coach and author of Shimmering Images,  calls it “shimmering images”.

Linda Joy Myers, memoir coach and author of The Power of Memoir, calls it “turning points”.

In all cases, they are the life events that change everything and set you on a journey to unveil the answers to the burning question of why?

 

Here are my strands–threads –that will be shaped into my story, like a patchwork quilt being sown together:

Single parenting two teenagers

Watching a teen son slip into substance abuse

Cancer diagnosis/treatment

Nurse as patient

At this point, the power of hope through my faith is the underlying theme.

 

I’m excited to see what will be revealed through the writing and through the  ongoing dialogue about these topics.

I hope you’ll join me in my journey to my next memoir. I’m open to where the path may lead and look forward to the conversation and the lessons along the way.

 

How about you? Have you found the strands in your story? How have you pulled it together?

ANNOUNCEMENT:  Congratulations to Louise Mathewson for being selected as the winner of Stephanie Collins’ memoir With Angels’ Wings!

THIS WEEK:

Thursday, 09/16/15:

“Discipline in Memoir Writing: Hard to Come By, Wonderful to Have by Denis Ledoux”

NEXT WEEK:

Monday, 09/21/15:

“Circling the Mountain:Lessons Learned On My Memoir Writer’s Journey by CeeCee James.”

CeeCee is the author of The Ghost No More Series and Wrecked and Yours. CeeCee will be giving away eBook copies of both books to two commenters whose names will be selected in a random drawing.

 

Celebrate International Literacy Day September 8, 2015:

Even though the date has passed, I am supporting Grammarly’s campaign. Nikolas Baron from Grammarly is a past guest here with this post on “Basic Punctuation Every Writer Should Know”:

 

When Memoir Writing Becomes a Labor of Love by Stephanie Collins

Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler with Stephanie Collins/@W_Angel_Wings

“Anyone can give up; it’s the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that’s true strength.” – Christopher Reeves

Parenting under the best of circumstances can be challenging. But when you have two children with special needs and your husband is an unwilling participant in their care,  you have the ingredients for an insurmountable situation. How one navigates through such a challenge single-handedly and still maintains a fierce mother’s love and hope is the heart of my guest’s story.

Please join me in welcoming Memoir Author Stephanie Collins in this guest post about why writing her memoir, With Angel Wings became a labor of love. Stephanie and I met during The Inspirational Authors’ Facebook Event on July 2, 2015. In her riveting memoir, she shares from her heart what it feels like to be the mother of two special needs children, leaving no doubt in the reader’s mind of the enormity of the task or the depth of her love. My reviews can be found on:

Amazon, Goodreads,Shelfari, LibraryThings and Riffle.

Welcome Stephanie!

Stephanie and daughters

 

When Memoir Writing Becomes a Labor of Love

The last sentence of the prologue in my book, With Angel’s Wings, reads, “I hope you enjoy my labor of love.” Interesting, I was asked about the use of that particular phrase. At what point does writing a memoir become a labor of love? I can imagine every memoir author would easily agree that the mind-numbing slog through the editing process proves a deep, undying love for and dedication to his/her story.

The beginning point for a memoir author’s labor of love is likely just as unique as the tales our books share.  Tweet this

My writing began as no memoir at all. It was simply “mad scribbling” – a coping mechanism that helped me through some stressful times. As such, my thoughts were not conveyed in chronological “chapters”; there was no seamless timeline. There was no regard for proper sentence structure. All I had on paper was my truth. My gut. My soul. While my writings were far from refined, they painted a picture in vivid enough detail to inspire my daughters’ nurses and therapists to encourage me to publicly share my tale in its entirety.

As I’m sure just about every memoir author does, I then spent considerable time agonizing over whether or not to expose myself openly to the public. My story would be of no use to anyone if it weren’t shared honestly. People don’t obtain hope from fiction. People don’t learn from mistakes that are omitted. But truth (at least mine) is not pretty; it’s gritty and messy. So why open myself to criticism? Well…to offer a spark of hope to folks finding themselves in similar circumstances (or any dark, seemingly hopeless situation). To give others the opportunity to learn from both my triumphs and my mistakes. Wonderful, caring people had helped me get through my toughest times. If sharing my story would help just one other struggling person, I felt I owed that to the world. I would be paying it forward. It would be good karma.

That’s not my complete truth, though. It is only in my fully honest truth that one can find the beginning point to my labor of love. That had nothing to do with me at all; it had everything to do with my second daughter, “Hannah”*.

My story raises multiple ethical dilemmas that one could discuss and debate for days. What is “quality of life”? What makes a life worth living? When – if ever – do we decide to not fight for someone’s life? What – if any – are acceptable reasons for that decision?

These are questions with no “right” answers. Unfortunately, they are also questions probably most often asked by people in the most dire of situations…times when logical and coherent thought of any type is likely a challenge. I was no different. I was forced to search my soul for my answers to these puzzles under extreme circumstances, and I will forever question the wisdom of my decisions.

I had a rough definition of “quality of life” in my mind before Hannah entered my life. Her survival relied on a severe alteration of that definition. It had to be “watered down” – all the way from something to do with being a productive member of society and having a fulfilling job…to a life that includes more good days than bad (or, more precisely, more painless days than painful), and a life that allows for at least occasional smiles. That’s a PRETTY drastic redefinition…but it is what I had to do to justify her life-saving operations, as I was offered no hope of her ever being productive – at anything, much less as a member of society or in a profession.

I don’t know if Hannah would have approved of or disagreed with decisions I have made for her in her 20 years of life; I’ll never know. I don’t know if the brilliance of her good days has outweighed the suffering of her darkest days; I’ll never know. But Hannah has fought (and continues to fight) gallantly through the consequences of my decisions made in her name. For that she deserves respect. I don’t know about other people, but before my experience with Hannah, pity certainly came to mind when I saw a person with severe disabilities, maybe curiosity…but never the reverence I have now, knowing just how much Hannah (and many handicapped individuals like her) endures on a day-in, day-out basis.

My reverence wasn’t enough, though. I wanted the rest of the world to see Hannah the way I see her. She deserves nothing less. Others like Hannah deserve nothing less. So…so began my labor of love. It was my [reluctant] immersion in this life that allowed me to see Hannah differently than I ever would have imagined. If that’s what it took for me to “see the light”, then I took it on as my mission to take a reader along that same journey. Writing a book is not easy work. But with that motivation in mind, writing With Angel’s Wings was my pleasure…my labor of love.

 

*All “character” names in With Angel’s Wings were changed out of respect for those who did not want their names in print.

***

Thank you, Stephanie for sharing your story so openly and courageously. With Angels’ Wings is a beautiful love story on so many levels. You do take the reader along on your journey and provide a heartfelt and realistic picture of what is means to be the mother of two special needs children, enlightening us all to the challenges and love.

***

Author Bio/Book Synopsis:

With Angel’s Wings is my story. I wrote therapeutically as I was introduced to/initiated into life as a special needs mother. Years later friends, therapists, and nurses convinced me to share my tale. All names were changed in the book, out of respect for those who would not appreciate being mentioned by name, but aside from names, the story is 100% true.  With Angel’s Wings (along with the epilogue included on the book’s website) pretty much sum up who I am. My oldest daughter, Catherine (“Emily” in the book), 22, has high-functioning autism with mild to moderate cognitive delay. My second daughter, Sarah (“Hannah” in the book), 20, has a rare genetic disorder, Wolf-Hirschorn Syndrome (history of 7 heart defects, non-verbal, non-ambulatory, incontinent, exclusively G-tube fed, seizure disorder, cognitively approximately 6-9 months old). My son, Will, 12, has severe ADHD and dyslexia, and my youngest, Ellie, 8 – who I described for years as [finally!] my “typical” child [albeit with something of a princess complex] – was diagnosed just prior to her 8th birthday with ADHD/dyslexia (although, a significantly milder case than Will’s). I have a 4-year degree in psychology and a 2-year degree in nursing. I worked for approximately 10 years as a registered nurse on the medical unit at Seattle Children’s Hospital, but gave up my career to focus on the growing needs of my family. When I was 40 I set out to get rid of the 10 souvenir pounds I had collected from each of my 4 pregnancies. In the process, I found my inner jock, and I now love to run and I’m addicted to Zumba. Other than that, I read every minute I can.

Author Contact Information:

Book Website:  http://www.withangelswings.net

With Angel’s Wings ~ Amazon:  http://www.amazon.com/Angels-Wings-Stephanie-Collins-ebook/dp/B00GYL9DCA/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&sr=&qid=

With Angel’s Wings ~ Barnes & Noble:  http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/with-angels-wings-stephanie-a-collins/1117049291?ean=9781627766807

Goodreads:  https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/7330360.Stephanie_A_Collins

With Angel’s Wings’ Facebook Page:  https://www.facebook.com/withangelswings

Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/catnsarah

Twitter:  https://twitter.com/W_Angels_Wings

Google+:  https://plus.google.com/u/0/+StephanieCollinsAuthor/about

LinkedIn:  https://www.linkedin.com/pub/stephanie-collins/44/9a4/72a/

Pinterest:  https://www.pinterest.com/withangelswings/

Synopsis of Achievements:

With Angel’s Wings is an Amazon #1 Best Seller that was also named Memoir of the Year in the 2015 Independent Author Network (IAN) Book of the Year Awards. It was also named the #1 “Top Tear-Jerking book” by Indie Author Land (now Read FREE.ly). It was the winner of the 2014 New Apple Literary Awards ~ Memoir category, as well as the recipient of the 2014 New Apple Literary Spirit Award. It was chosen as a NABE Pinnacle Book Achievement Award Winner for Summer 2014, earned Honorable Mention in the 2014 LuckyCinda Book Contest, was named a Semi-Finalist in the 2014 AND 2015 Best Kindle Book Awards, and it received an exclusive, by-invitation-only spot on the Spirited Woman Top 12 Book List for Fall 2014 AND Summer of 2015!

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How about you? Have you had the experience of caring for a special needs child?

Stephanie has graciously agreed to give away a copy of her memoir to a commenter whose name will be selected in a random drawing of commenters.

We’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~

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Next Week:

Monday, 09/14/15:  “Introduction to the Story Strand Series: A Memoir Moment.”

Thursday, 09/16/15: Memoir Coach and Founder of The Memoir Network, Denis Ledoux returns with a guest post on memoir writing.

Writing About Writing: The Process Journal

Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler

“I do not so much write a book as sit up with it, like a dying patient. I hold its hand and hope it will get better.”~ Annie Dillard, The Writing Life.

 

As I approach the writing of my second memoir about the simultaneous battle of a cancer diagnosis and a young son’s downward spiral into substance abuse, I balk at the thought of reliving that time in my life while also feeling compelled to write about it..

It’s not just about writing the story. It’s about writing about the writing.  Tweet this

Photo Credit: dreamstimefree

Louise DeSalvo, in her excellent book The Art of Slow Writing talks about writing in a “process” journal daily to help jumpstart and stay in the game, reflect upon the process of writing and evaluate after writing.

She also highlights the importance of approaching each new project with a new slate:

p.57: “When we embark upon a new project, or try a new structure or style, we once again become students as we learn what we must for the next phase.”

 It makes me realize that each book I write has its own path. While it helps to have published one book, writing the second one will require starting the process from scratch—being open to what lessons this new story will teach me.

Authors  and memoir teachers Lynn C. Miller and Lisa Lenard-Cook offer excellent tips about uncovering your story’s narrative potential in their book, Find Your Story, Write Your Memoir.  What they promise and deliver to their readers is to provide a “guide for authors from the beginning impulse to write your story, the occasion of the telling, on to the dance of memory and experience, through plot, structure, character, landscape, and scene.”

It’s about storytelling strategies. Let’s face it, we all have stories to share but unless we take the time to learn the art and craft of shaping it into a story with a takeaway someone else will want to read, we have a litany of life events with no clear purpose. As I had an agent tell me at my first writer’s conference in 2009, “it will all be in the telling.”

In an attempt to jumpstart my next memoir writing project, I have decided to do a series on my blog starting in September where once a month I will discuss one theme at a time. It will be called The Story Strand Series and I will be blogging more about it soon.

Usually themes emerge through the writing and since I have been writing about this story for a number of years, here’s what I have so far:

Cancer diagnosis/treatment/survival

Mother of alcoholic son/impact of alcoholism on a family

Codependency recovery

The nurse as patient

The role my faith played in helping me find hope to heal and cope

The power of hope in fighting the battles

And who knows what else will emerge in the writing process…

My target audience includes single parents, Christians, mothers, women, health care providers, cancer survivors.

The overriding theme in most everything I write continues to be the power of hope in overcoming life’s challenges but underneath all the events and details, I need to find that common thread that ties it all together and offers something of universal value. The purpose of the series will be to open up the conversation and invite people to share  insights, feedback and their own stories.

The idea is to gain some depth and clarity via the conversation and feedback.

My search for a finely honed theme begins with the questions:

Why do I feel inspired to write this story?

What will be in it for the readers?

What is unique about my story?

What is the narrative question I intend to answer through my story?

 

Photo Credit: Flickr Creative Commons

 

There’s a lot of work to be done; lots of deep soul-searching to find the answers to my own questions. Perhaps the process will help others find their own story strands that need to be pulled together into a cohesive narrative.

 

 

 

 

I started a process journal and here’s my first entry in my process journal from July 27, 2015:

Today, I embark upon a new chapter, the next one in my writing journey. Facing the sheer terror again of receiving a life-threatening diagnosis of Stage 4 Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma after years of watching my beloved son fall prey to substance abuse. How can I do this story and my son justice? What is the value for others in the telling of this story? Why do I want to tell it? And what are the repercussion if I do?

I have written so much about it already, in my journals. I have crafted vignettes of agonizing scenes. My son has read the stories and been touched by them. I will keep writing through my doubt and fears…

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The Story Strand Series will be introduced in more detail on Monday, 9/14 and my first theme post will be on September 28…Topic TBA

I’m ready to move forward and would love you to join me on the journey to my next memoir.

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How about you? When you start a new project, what helps you get a jumpstart? Do you ever write about your writing? 

I’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~

 

ANNOUNCEMENT: Congratulations to Anne Becker for being selected in a random drawing as the winner of Daisy Hickman’s memoir, Always Returning: The Wisdom of Place!

 

This Week:

Monday, 8/31/15:  

August 2015 Newsletter: “The Fine Art of Doing Nothing” (The sign-up for the monthly newsletter in is the right sidebar under the blog sign-up.)

Join us  on Facebook for the We Love Memoirs Day celebration with  free  book giveaways and prizes: https://www.daysoftheyear.com/days/we-love-memoirs-day/

 

Next Week:

Monday, 09/07/15:  “When Memoir Writing Becomes a Labor of Love by Stephanie Collins”

Stephanie is the author of With Angel’s Wings and will be giving away a copy to a commenter whose name will be selected in a random drawing.