Kathleen Pooler's Blog, page 36
July 20, 2015
Help! I’ve Fallen and I Can’t Get Up: Memoir Musings
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler
“Biting my truant pen, beating myself for spite: “Fool!” said my muse to me, “look in your heart and write.” Philip Sydney, Astrophel and Stella (Goodreads quote)
Photo Credit: Flickr Creative Commons
Well, not really. I haven’t fallen and I can get up…BUT–and it’s what comes after the but that counts–the truth is, my story has fallen and it can’t get up. Some people call it writer’s block. Some believe there is no such thing. I’m not blocked from writing. I write everyday–on my blog, in my journal, on social media. But I am stuck when it comes to penning my next memoir.
I thought it would be so simple to write my second memoir after completing Ever Faithful to His Lead: My Journey Away From Emotional Abuse, which, by the way, turned out to be the story I didn’t intend to write but begged to be told.
I was hopeful that all the hard lessons I learned in writing and publishing it would pay off and make writing the second one much easier. I already have 14,000 words of it written in first draft form. Yes, they need a lot of work but I’m used to that.
The story is bubbling under the surface like a volcano getting ready to erupt. As of this writing, the vignettes are safely stashed away in a corner. I swear they are crying out to me to pay attention to them.
So why do I turn to other activities—social media, email, staring out the window,etc—when I should be concentrating on my story? It’s like cleaning the oven instead of writing that paper in college. Yes, I did that.
Maybe if I write about it and put it out there, I might get inspired to get a grip and get my focus back? So I hope you tell me what works for you. I need all the help I can get.
Here’s what I think…more questions than answers:
Now that I’ve published a book, I have realistic expectations about what’s involved in the process. It’s like starting a marathon and realizing the 26.1 miles you have to endure to complete the race. I know what I’m getting into this time. Maybe this is holding me back from starting?
Maybe I need to give myself time to enjoy marketing my first memoir before I plunge into what I know will be a long, grueling, yet exhilarating journey?
Maybe the topic—a cancer diagnosis and my son’s spiral into substance abuse—is too painful to relive?
Maybe the fact that I will be telling some of my son’s story makes me feel uncomfortable. He has full awareness of my intentions and has given me his blessings. He will read every word before it is published. But, what liberties can I take and still do the story and him justice? I know I won’t know until I try but maybe this is holding me back?
Am I in a self-imposed jail cell with the door open?
What will it take to move forward? time? journaling? meditation/prayer? a vacation from it all?
Then I ask myself, “Why do you want to write this story?” …
and that small voice within tells me,
”because you cannot NOT write it. You want to share your journey from despair to hope. You want to show how your faith gave you the strength to overcome and move on to a life of peace and joy. You want to share your story to enlighten, ,enrich and inspire others traveling the same path.”
I know that once I can clarify and connect to my purpose for writing this story, the rest will fall into place as long as I show up and start writing. And I know the long, grueling journey will be worth it in the end.
Photo Credit: Flickr Creative Commons
Progress..TBA.
Thank you for listening!
How about you? What is holding you back from writing your story?
I’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~
ANNOUNCEMENT: Congratulations to Marian Beaman and Tracey Lee Karner. You are the lucky winners of Lucinda Clarke’s eBook, Walking on Eggshells!
This Week:
I’m also over at Gwendolyn Plano’s blog, From Sorrow to Joy-Perfect Love with a guest post, “Faith and Freedom.”
Wednesday, 07/22/15:
“Bad Reviews: Why You Should Read Them (and How to Survive): A WOW Blog Tour with Author Eric Trant.”
Next Week:
Monday, 07/27/15:
“The Benefits of Journaling in Writing a Travel Memoir by Trish Nicholson.”
July 2015 Newsletter: “Freedom and Independence are Balancing Acts.”
July 13, 2015
Resilience Under Fire: Dealing with Narcissistic Personality Disorder: Interview with Memoir Author Lucinda Clarke
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler with Lucinda Clarke
“If your parent has NPD then s/he can not, and will not, ever love you. Understand this, accept it and move on. It will be less painful in the long term.”~Lucinda Clarke
I am very pleased to feature Memoir Author Lucinda Clarke as my guest. Linda and I met on Facebook when I posted a link to a blog post about my loving , supportive mother . In the course of the conversation, Lucinda revealed that her mother had suffered from a condition called Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and how difficult it was for her to feel positive about her childhood memories. She wrote a memoir, Walking Over Eggshells, to capture the experience. Since I have such a close and positive relationship with my mother, I was immediately intrigued and downloaded her book. Also, as a health care provider, I had little experience with this disorder and wanted to know more about it. She offers a vivid and raw view, laced with a sense of humor that kept me turning the pages.
Here are my reviews on: Amazon, Goodreads, Shelfari, LibraryThings and Riffle
Welcome. Lucinda!
Memoir Author Lucinda E. Clarke
KP: The topics you cover in Walking on Eggshells –an insensitive, cruel mother, an irresponsible, though charismatic husband and multiple moves across eight different countries were difficult to read about let alone experience first hand. What made you decide to write your story and share it with the world?
LC:I initially wrote an account of my life with my mother and subsequent travels for my children, but they were not too interested. I had wanted to explain to them where I had come from and why events had shaped my relationship with them. It was only after my mother had died, that I discovered from two quite unrelated sources she most likely had NPD. Now I could pinpoint her actions and reactions, especially as I joined a couple of forums and realized there were thousands of us out there. Despite all my early problems, and further ones with my charismatic but irresponsible husband, I survived and I wanted to share that and encourage others to survive as well.
KP: You tell your story with a mixture of raw honesty, sense of humor and courage. How did you find the strength to revisit your past and dredge up so many painful memories?
LC: It was painful at times. Even now, little things jump into my memory and it hurts all over again. It can be a woman in the street hugging a child, a pair of shoes in a shop window, a soppy Disney film. When I look back, I often cringe at all the awful things I did, but I was also driven to write. That’s what I am, a writer. I’ve been writing for a living since 1986 and the desire to write, help, inform, encourage and enlighten together were sufficient to overcome the raw hurt I experienced while putting it all on paper.
KP: Your memoir clearly addresses the long-term impact of emotional abuse on a person and family. But it is also a travel memoir in that we travel with you to many different countries. How did you find the structure to tell your story?
LC: I wasn’t very clever about this! I started from my earliest memory at the age of 3 and moved in a linear fashion to after my mother died and I had retired. I didn’t try to be too literary, as I wanted the message to be loud and clear, yet at the same time I was determined to make the book as easy a read as possible, so it was not all doom and gloom. My sense of humor is over developed, and I used this to lighten the book.
KP: What is the main message you hope to convey to your readers through your story? Your memoir takeaways?
LC: You can survive, you really can. If I can do it, anyone can. It’s our strongest instinct and if you look realistically at yourself, honestly recognize your own strengths and weaknesses and MOST IMPORTANTLY understand you are not to blame. You are OK and the world is OK and your parent is NOT OK.
KP: You happily are in a much better place now than you were then. What was it like to go back and reflect on your choices and circumstances?
LC: I guess fate or circumstances tossed me around like a rubber ball and most times I was not in control of events. For example, I never considered walking away from my marriage because I didn’t have a financial safety net (no benefits in Africa), and I was part of the old school that you made your bed and you lay in it. There was no way I was going to run back home either, that was a far worse option! It wasn’t until I was in my mid forties I suddenly realized I had no security for the future, no pension plan, no life insurance and no medical cover that I realized things would never change and I would have to stand on my own feet. That’s when I went back to South Africa on my own with my youngest. I really believe that most of us can make a plan when we have to , we are far stronger than we think.
KP: Do you have any memoir writing tips to share or other thought on lessons learned from writing your memoir to share with readers?
LC: Many people have said to me they would like to write a book and the answer is ‘Go and write it.’ It’s only when you have it down on paper that you can see how to improve it, make it flow and correct grammar and syntax and so on. There are plenty of people who will help, especially on social media! As a writer my biggest lesson wasn’t how to write the book but how to market it, how to tell the world it was there and would they like to read it? I want to help other victims and I feel passionately about getting the word out about mental abuse. The media has been inundated with stories of sexual abuse and while this is insidious and can affect you, often from the age of 20 onwards you are in a position to say NO MORE and life goes on. Emotional abuse never stops. I was over 60 when my mother died and she left behind an emotional whirlpool that continues to this day and will not end in my lifetime. If you have a story of emotional abuse to tell then please share it.
***
Thank you, Lucinda for sharing your memoir writer’s journey with us and for enlightening us about the impact of NPD and emotional abuse on family members. You give us hope that one can survive such an ordeal. You also show us how having a healthy sense of humor can be an effective survival tactic. By sharing your story, you give others the courage to share their stories. It fits right in with my mantra:”We are all enlightened, enriched and inspired when we share our hope-one story at a time.”
***
Author Bio and Contact Information
From a very early age, Lucinda E Clarke always wanted to write, but was ordered to “get a proper job.” Journalists were required to drink their targets under the table to get a story she was told, and alcohol doesn’t agree with her! So she dutifully trained as a teacher, and has taught in seven different countries – from primary school infants to lecturing adults in Technical College. After suffering a mentally abusive childhood, Lucinda had little defense against the Walter Mitty aspirations of the man she married. They moved from country to country, usually one step ahead of the creditors. Eventually Lucinda found the courage to leave him and began to write and write and write. She graduated from radio, to television and then ran her own video production company, winning over 20 awards along the way. She is now in Spain and writing books (pretending to be retired). She is about to publish her fifth book, a sequel in her series about Amie the young girl she took from the comfort of her English home and dumped into a civil war in Africa. (Amie has yet to forgive her for this).
Blog link: http://lucindaeclarke.wordpress.com
Web page:www.http://lucindaeclarkeauthor.com
Amazon Author Page:http://www.amazon.com/Lucinda-E-Clarke/e/B00FDWB914
email:- lucindaeclarke@gmail.com
Book Synopsis:
WALKING OVER EGGSHELLS
Growing up in a mentally abusive household was never fun, but then I married a Walter Mitty character who took me to Africa and into some ridiculous and dangerous situations! To survive, I worked 24/7. I taught children, ran the worst riding school in the world, bred pet animals, announced on radio, lived on a boat and brought up two children of my own. On the lighter side, I hosted a royal occasion, met heads of state, interviewed Nelson Mandela and shook hands with Prince Charles. Much to my amazement, I ‘fell’ into the media, first writing for radio and television, then directing, and eventually I ran my own video production company and won several awards. However, throughout all this, my mother lurked in the background, always there to remind me what a failure I was. The only thing that saved me from admittance to the nearest mental home was an unfailing sense of humour.
Walking over Eggshells links to free download until 7/15 midnight , PDT
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00E8HSNDW (US)
http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00E8HSNDW (UK)
How about you? Have you ever written or read about emotional abuse or Narcissistic Personality Disorder? What was your reaction?
Lucinda has generously offered to give away three eBooks of Walking Over Eggshells to three commenters whose names will be selected in a random drawing. You can also download her memoir for free through the above links until 7/15.
In addition, Lucinda is offering free downloads of two other memoirs, Truth, Lies and Propaganda and More Truth , Lies and Propaganda until 7/15/15, midnight , PDT:
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00QE35BO2
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00VF0S3RG
We’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~
Next Week:
Monday, 07/20/15:
“Help! I’ve Fallen and I Can’t Get Up: Memoir Musings”
Wednesday, 07/22/15:
“Bad Reviews -Why You Must Read Them ( and How to Survive): A WOW Blog Tour with Author Eric Trant”
July 9, 2015
The Benefits of Using Pubslush Crowdfunding to Help Authors Get Published by Dorit Sasson
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler with Dorit Sasson/@VoicetoStory
I’m thrilled to have Author, Blogger and Radio Show Host Dorit Sasson back to discuss why she chose Pubslush as her crowdfunding source for her upcoming memoir, Accidental Soldier. In today’s publishing environment, authors are incurring more financial risks as they take on more of the publishing costs. Crowdfunding has become a popular way of defraying some of these costs of publishing. I’ve written about my own positive experience using Pubslush for my memoir so I’m very interested to hear what Dorit has to say.
Welcome back, Dorit!
Author, Dorit Sasson
The Benefits of Using Pubslush Crowdfunding to Help Authors Get Published.
Crowdfunding is quickly becoming one of the steps authors choose to take before publishing a book. There is no better way out there to stand out in a sea of authors than building a name for yourself. Conducting a crowdfunding campaign helps authors like myself raise funds to publish or market my book, collect pre-orders, get a head start on book sales, encourage reader reviews as well as drive traffic to my book.
Out of all the crowdfunding sites, Pubslush is a global crowdfunding platform only for books, and provides a real way to market my memoir before publication. It gives readers an opportunity to learn more about myself as an author and my memoir.
Since posting my campaign for my memoir Accidental Soldier on Pubslush, I see now even greater benefits in the areas of platform building, building a readership community, and raising funds. Like any crowdfunding endeavor, one holds the key to a project’s success. Let’s see how these three areas directly benefit the author.
Platform Building
A book is a mega platform building venture. If you think about it, your book showcases your expertise and reflects your personality.
Brooke Warner, my editor and publisher of my memoir, broke down the components of platform building in the following way on the Huffington Post article, “Your Author Platform is Not Your Social Media Following.”
social media: 10 percent
previous media: 10 percent
previous books: 10 percent
personality: 10 percent
existing readership: 10 percent
contacts: 10 percent
expertise: 25 percent
ability to execute: 15 percent
The fact that my campaign is housed on Pubslush platform gives additional credibility to the book and my work as an author. On the landing page, you get to read a description of the book, my unique message and story of leaving New York City and my Mom of blessed memory to serve in the Israel Defense Forces (IDF) as well as complimentary excerpt of my book. As you can see, posting your project on Pubslush does in fact, strengthen your existing platform!
Building a readership community
As part of my pre-campaign marketing efforts, I’ve reached out to potential supporters who will in turn, share the news of my campaign with my peeps. This is the power of word-of-mouth marketing in the digital age. It’s my hope that the people who believe in the book’s messaging and my book, will be my biggest cheerleaders and build momentum for the campaign.
By learning about my work as an author, readers also have a chance to engage with me on my landing page, as key to building a readership community. I don’t have access to my readers through marketplaces such as Amazon and traditional bookstores, but I can build engagement.
Raising Funds – Building Momentum as a Speaker
Authors like myself don’t just write and publish. I need to be business-minded and nurture my writing into a saleable platform where I can collect pre-orders and get a head start on book sales. Word-of-mouth is considered the best tool to spread the word and make sales for my book, and having that initial investment in the project will allow me to put my career on the speaking circuit without having to dig further into my pocket. I intend to use every penny of the funds raised for marketing and publicity. In this way, my crowdfunding efforts will offer me some peace of mind while I write.
As you can see, using a platform like Pubslush is one of the fastest ways to make money while one writes. It’s my intention that my campaign will help build my platform, create a community of readers while at the same time, help me raise funds to take my career to the next level.
For more information on the benefits of using Pubslush, check out my interview with Amanda Barbara, CEO of Pubslush who I interviewed for my site Giving Voice to Your Story.
***
Thank you,Dorit, for sharing your experience with crowdfunding. It is so important that we support one another in a collaborative, supportive way. I had a very positive experience with Pubslush in terms of raising funds as well as reaching readers before publication of my memoir. I wish you every success in your campaign. Let’s all get behind Dorit and help her have a successful campaign!
***
Author’s Bio:
Dorit Sasson, an award winning speaker and author as well as the creator of Giving Voice to Your Story radio show and website, is available for consulting, speaking and writing projects. She posts regular updates to her memoir fan pageAccidental Soldier: What My Service in the Israel Defense Forces Taught Me about Faith, Courage and Love
She is a coauthor of the book Pebbles in the Pond: Transforming the World One Person at a Time featuring bestsellers such as Sonia Choquette and Robert Allen. She leads workshops and presentations also online on the power of personal story telling and is the creator of Giving Voice to the Voiceless – visit her at www.GivingVoicetoVoicelessBook.com
Author Contact Information:
Website: Giving Voice to Your Story
Blog Talk Radio: Creating Calm Network
Twitter @VoicetoStory
Facebook: Silence Book Series
***
How about you? Have you considered crowdfunding your next writing project? Do you have any questions about Pubslush?
We’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~
Next Week:
Monday, 07/13/15:
“Resilience Under Fire, Dealing with Narcissistic Personality Disorder: An Interview with Memoir Author Lucinda Clarke“
July 6, 2015
Art Ignites the Flames of Writing Creativity
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler
“Creativity is intelligence having fun.”~ Albert Einstein
“Notturno” by Cheryl Braganza
Do you think you are a creative person?
I never really thought of myself as a creative. Industrious? Yes. Persistent? Yes. But creative? Isn’t that just for poets and artists?
But perhaps we all have the potential for creativity and all we have to do is reach down into the wellsprings of our hearts and souls and share it with the world…
That’s what I learned from Cheryl Braganza when I attended The Women’s Visions Women’s Voices Symposium: Creativity, Leadership and Social Change at Skidmore College in Saratoga, NY on June 4-7,2015.
Artist Cheryl Braganza
Cheryl is a Montreal artist, painter, poet, writer, pianist and cancer survivor. I had the pleasure of meeting her at this symposium where she received The Art Activism Award. On her webpage, she states:
“I want my art to play a role in lifting people’s spirits, in challenging their assumptions, in provoking thought … thus promoting dialogue between peoples towards peace.”
“Come fly with me”, 2013, Cheryl Braganza
Cheryl believes that art can play a powerful role in activism and social change and she has dedicated her life and her paintings to make a contribution to the battle for human rights. She encourages others to do the same. Do yourself a favor and check out her website here to see for yourself the inspirational work she is doing in the world.
***
Writing my memoir, Ever Faithful to His Lead; My Journey Away From Emotional Abuse affirmed for me that I am both a creative and a social activist. I believe strongly in the cause of increasing awareness and preventing domestic abuse by giving people hope through tapping into their own inner strength.
But, I’m not an artist, I thought as I contemplated whether or not to take her workshop. Thankfully, my need to step out of my comfort zone to learn more about myself won out and I signed up for Cheryl’s 3-hour workshop, “Painting:Stoke the Embers of Your Activism.”
Cheryl guided us through a meditation to get us in touch with what bothers us the most and what we’d like to see change in the world. “Hunger, homelessness, poverty, abuse, suicides, shootings …” rang out as we went around the circle. Then we inhaled and exhaled deeply.
She passed around blank canvases that she had painted with her own background designs and we began our creative adventure. Magazine pages with pictures, and headlines were piled on our table and painting supplies were on a center table. We began sifting, sorting and selecting paints until we finished our creations of collages, paintings or a combination of both as Cheryl walked around the room offering suggestions. Here’s what resulted from our workshop:
Our work was displayed in the amphitheater where we gathered for the closing ceremony the next morning in front of two of Cheryl’s paintings:
Here’s my creation: “Escape”:
“Escape”
A woman walks, steady and determined, downstream, away from the storm of a troubled relationship. Relationships begin with hopes and dreams and are like a dance, though fraught with unanticipated scars and wounds. As she travels away, she sees signs of hope. The journey is hard but the further away she gets, the stronger she becomes. She finds dignity and joy.
My creative journey took me to the heart of my memoir.
Now as I struggle to find a way through my next memoir—the role my faith played in the simultaneous battle of a cancer diagnosis and my son’s spiral into substance abuse—I will start with another blank canvas and allow my creative powers to take me to the heart of my story.
Cheryl gave us another assignment…to paint a self-portrait…TBA.
She even painted this after being inspired by a photo of wildflowers I had posted on Facebook last week:
Nirvana Wildflowers, 2015, Cheryl Braganza
Thank you , Cheryl for igniting the flames of writing creativity!
How about you? What sparks your creativity? Do you believe in your own creative powers? How do you tap into them?
I’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~
ANNOUNCEMENT: Congratulations to Martha Graham-Waldon for winning Anne Bernard Becker’s memoir, Ollie,Ollie, In Come Free!
This Week:
Thursday, 07/09/15:
“The Benefits of Using Pubslush Crowdfunding to Help Authors Get Published” by Memoir Author Dorit Sasson
Next Week:
Monday, 07/13/15:
“Resilience Under Fire, Dealing with Narcissistic Personality Disorder: An Interview with Memoir Author Lucinda Clarke
June 29, 2015
Frozen Grief, The Loss of Siblings in Childhood: An Interview with Memoir Author Anne Becker
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler with Anne Bernard Becker/@AnneBBecker
“Our brothers and sisters are there with us from the dawn of our personal stories to the inevitable dusk.” Susan Scarf Merrell
Those of us with siblings know that we share a common bond through blood, habits and traditions. We may even think of them as younger or older versions of ourselves. The death of a sibling at any age can leave a void in our lives that no one else can fill. Memoir Author Anne Becker suffered the unfathomable, the death of three siblings–two brothers and one sister– in a large Catholic family in the 1950s. Her parents’ firstborn son died before Anne was born but she suffered through the death of two of her siblings. It wasn’t until she was an adolescent that she realized her grief over these losses had been “frozen.” This is the journey she takes us on in her memoir, Ollie,Ollie In Come Free. Her frozen grief gives way to understanding, forgiveness and healing in this most compelling read.
My reviews can be found on:
Amazon, Goodreads, Shelfari, LibraryThings and Riffle.
Welcome, Anne!
Memoir Author Anne Bernard Becker
Frozen Grief: The Loss of Siblings During Childhood
KP: The loss of a sibling during childhood is a very difficult topic to comprehend and read about. I was fascinated by your ability to tell such a heartwrenching story of the impact the loss of two siblings, your brother and sister, had on you.
Two parts to this question: What made you decide to write this story? How did you find your voice?
AB: I decided to write my story after several years of exploring my childhood memories in psychoanalysis, an intensive form of therapy that took me to an extraordinarily deep level of memory and feeling. After I joined a women’s writing circle in 1994, I found not only that this whole intimate wealth of material was ripe for putting down on paper, but that I could actually access the voice of my child and adolescent self in my writing. This amazed and delighted me, because I was able to speak my truth in a raw fashion I knew was trustworthy. I loved the emotional resonance I found in that room full of very conscious women, and continued with their encouragement to pour out the small vignettes that I would later shape into a coherent narrative.
KP: Memoir writers often fear repercussions from family members in revealing their truths. You tell your story with raw honesty. How were you able to summon the courage to reveal your past so openly?
AB: It took me seven years to write the first draft of my memoir, and twelve more years to come to a point where publication felt right. My mother died in 2013, and at that point I moved ahead. I returned to psychotherapy in order to grapple with all the intimate self-revelation my memoir entailed. It was only through this support and much prayer and sense that this was an important story to tell that I was able to move past a profound and wrenching shyness about exposing my secret inner life as a young girl. Because I wrote in a genuine spirit of love, without judgment, and from the child or adolescent’s perspective, I did not expect my book to cause hurt among family members. However, I was a bit naive about this, in retrospect.
KP: Finding the right structure for a memoir can be one of a memoirist’s greatest challenges. You wrote the bulk of the text in your child’s and adolescent’s voices with “interludes” in your adult narrator’s voice. How did you find your structure?
AB: After I wrote much of the child narrative, I sent it out to a few readers to gauge their reactions. They seemed disoriented, and some misinterpreted my story. I realized the young girl’s voice did not provide enough back story to orient and ground the reader, so I began to write the adult narrative over the next couple of years. I hoped these would mitigate the intensity of the child’s inner world for the reader. I continued to play with the sequence throughout many years, right up to the end!
KP: When I see what you are doing with your life now in working with family healing, it makes me think about how there is often a purpose for our pain. You call yourself a “Systemic Constellation Work “ practitioner. Another two-part question: What does this term mean? Did writing this memoir help you to define this path?
AB: Family (or Systemic) Constellation Work explores the impact of ancestral trauma on families. It is a powerful group healing modality in which a client invites individuals to stand in for his/her family members, sometimes across several generations. Through dialogue and movement, we discover sources of hidden pain and blocked energy in the family system, and are able to set in motion a healing of the family’s burden. In these “constellations” I have been profoundly moved by the love that lies curled up within each family’s soul, across generations.
Ollie Ollie In Come Free is a story about grief that was not expressed, affection that could not be shown. In Constellation work, again and again, I am able to bring out that all that has lain hidden and aching within a family. It is redemptive work.
KP: Memoir writing can be a daunting process because digging deeply into painful memories can be unpleasant to say the least. What strategies did you use to help yourself keep writing through the pain?
AB: I kept reading my memoir aloud in women’s writing circle, and so I never felt alone with it. Meanwhile I continued to do my inner work, inside and outside of therapy, to take long, contemplative daily walks, to meditate and pray. The writing grew out of all that, and felt organic and utterly essential in my quest to become a freer, more grounded and expanded human being. Often I felt immersed in the pain while writing, but then would move through it and out the other side. I experienced the whole long writing process as a pilgrimage.
KP: What are your memoir takeaways, both for yourself and for your readers?
AB: I have learned that my experience is my own, and that I can only offer it to others as a gift. I can’t alter others’ experiences of the same events, or change the lens they have for their own life-journey. Writing and publishing a personal memoir is hard, humbling, and life-changing. It is probably still too early to speak of long-term effects on myself, my family, or my other readers. I hope the book is transformative for others; it certainly has been for me.
KP: Do you have any memoir writing tips to share?
Keep doing your inner work, so that your memoir will emerge not out of the ego or “smaller self,”but from your most authentic, mature self.
***
Anne, thank you for sharing from your deepest pain. Your memoir, Ollie, Ollie, In Come Free is a gift to all of us for it shows how our lives and our pain can be redeemed if we are brave enough to face our pain, break the cycle and transform this pain into healing for ourselves and others. Your work as a Family Constellation Practitioner is proof of this redemption.
Author Bio:
Anne Bernard Becker grew up in South Bend, Indiana, where her father taught at Notre Dame. Her parents had lost their first child, Vic, in a drowning accident at age two. When Anne was turning three, her older sister Mary-Louise died of immunological issues. While the family continued to grow, Anne’s mother, Mollie Bernard, founded the Stanley Clark School, a still thriving elementary school in South Bend. A few months later, in 1959, the oldest surviving child, Paul, died at age nine of cancer. The family with its seven girls remained lively and engaged, and seemingly unscathed by all the losses.
Anne studied at Indiana University, the Sorbonne, University of Pennsylvania (M.A. in French) and Fordham University (M.A. in Religious Education). In 1978 she took a position as a campus and parish minister in Cincinnati, and married Gerry Becker in 1981. Their first child, Mollie, died at birth. The traumatic impact of this event, along with the near death of their third child, Daniel, launched Anne on a journey of psychoanalysis to explore the hidden lifelong effects of her siblings’ deaths. During this period she suffered four miscarriages, and she and her husband adopted their youngest child, Tony, in 1993.
Since 2001 Anne has worked at a learning center as a reading specialist. She also facilitates workshops that blend her ongoing interest in history, psychology and spirituality to explore the effects of ancestral trauma on family systems. She lives with her husband Gerry in Cincinnati.
Twitter @AnneBBecker
Website: Anne Bernard Becker
Book Synopsis:
The loss of a first child sends chilling tremors of grief through a young family. The two parents bravely try to rebuild, with visions of creating a large, happy Catholic family. Yet the universe lurches and takes the next oldest child, and yet the next, just a few years apart.
Such devastating, random losses are almost unimaginable. It is especially hard to imagine coping with them in an era of emotional sterility. During the 1950’s and 1960’s there were few outward displays of mourning, no understanding of the five stages of grief, no support groups. The Bernards had to deal with their cataclysmic losses in a way that would be acceptable to the other emotionally reticent middle-class families of the time—privately, and silently.
Ollie Ollie In Come Free explores the emotional toll unexpressed grief can have on a young child. In the unfiltered voice of a child and adolescent, author Anne Bernard Becker offers a touching insight into her own buried grief, loneliness, and survivor’s guilt.
Amazon Ordering Link for Paperback
How about you? Have you ever experienced the death of a sibling? Were you able to grieve the loss? Have you written about it?
Anne has graciously offered to give away a paperback copy of her memoir to a commenter whose name will be selected in a random drawing .
We’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~
This Week:
Monday, 06/29/15:
June 2015 Newsletter: “Celebrating Milestones”. Sign-up for the monthly newsletter is in the right sidebar.
Thursday, 07/02/15:
Inspirational Authors’ Facebook Event hosted by Memoir Author Dana Goodman will take place from 5:00 am-12:00am PDT.
I will be available to discuss my memoir, Ever Faithful to His Lead : My Journey Away From Emotional Abuse from 5:00pm-8:00pm (EDT).
I will be giving away(3) ebook copies of my memoir. You can enter here on my Facebook Author Page.
Next Week:
Monday, 07/06/15:
“Art Ignites the Flames of Writing Creativity”
June 27, 2015
How Writing “A Year of Summer Shadows” Changed My Life by Author Alice Orr
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler with Alice Orr/@AliceOrrBooks
“Cherish your visions and your dreams as they are the children of your soul, the blueprints of your ultimate achievement.”~ Napoleon Hill
Riverton Road website logo via Alice Orr
I am pleased to participate in author Alice Orr’s book launch of A Year of Summer Shadows, Book #2 in The Riverton Road Romance Suspense Series. In her previous post, “One Day At A Time: Tell Me About It: Strategies for the Writing Life”, Alice introduced Book #1, A Wrong Way Home and shared her excellent strategies for success in the writing life. Her background as a literary agent, book editor, workshop leader and author of several writing books, eleven novels and a memoir lend credibility to her words of advice. My favorite quote of hers is “think of each day as a jewel on the thread of your life”.
Alice is living her dream of writing full time and writing in the genre that she loves. And it shows. In this post, she will share with us how writing this second book changed her life. It reminds me of the quote, “when the student is ready, the teacher arrives”
Here are my reviews of A Year of Summer Shadows on Amazon, Goodreads, Shelfari, LibraryThings and Riffle.
Welcome back, Alice!
Author Alice Orr
How Writing “A Year Of Summer Shadows ” Changed My Life
I sometimes hear this question. “Can a book change a person?” My answer has to be “Writing a book can change a person.” That was definitely true for me as author of A Year of Summer Shadows.
The change had to do with this being the second novel in my first-ever series. The book that preceded it – A Wrong Way Home – had felt like a fluke in some ways. I hadn’t written or published fiction in sixteen years and I wasn’t at all sure I could do it again.
As that first story fell together – almost around me rather than through me – I was constantly amazed. As if the words were flooding forth out of somebody else’s pen and onto somebody else’s computer screen.
I’d published several novels before my long hiatus but none of those were written anywhere near full-time. I was a book editor back then and after that a literary agent. My books were created around the edges of those busy careers often in the early hours of the morning – 4 to 7 a.m. to be exact – when the world was mostly quiet.
Sixteen years later I was writing in the light of day with the world of distractions buzzing around me. It felt nothing like my author experience of the past. I was also writing without a detailed synopsis for the first time. I was once a devotee of the synopsis – led synopsis workshops and even wrote a synopsis article for Writers’ Digest Magazine.
I was a turncoat from all of that now – flying by the seat of my imagination from one scene into the next. Again the process felt unreal to me as if I were watching someone else come up with details and dialogue and dangerous plot turns that were as much a surprise to me as I hoped they’d be to my readers.
Then the finished book was in my hand and my name was on the corner. Still my amazement lingered as I smiled during book signings or sat alone in my office reading complimentary reviews.
Before long I rolled into writing A Year of Summer Shadows – Riverton Road Romantic Suspense Series Book 2. This turned out to be a very different experience. The thrill of discovering my story was even more wonderful. The accomplishment of writing it down was even more gratifying.
I’d birthed the first story. Now I was birthing the second. Just me. Nobody else – besides my characters of course. At last I knew I wasn’t a fluke. I was a storyteller for certain and I hope forever. That realization changed my life and I could hardly be more grateful.
A YEAR OF SUMMER SHADOWS – Riverton Road Romantic Suspense Series Book #2 is available at amazon.com/author/aliceorr . This is my 13th novel – the one that changed my life. Alice Orr – www.aliceorrbooks.com
Alice Orr – Bio
Alice Orr loves to write. Especially Romantic Suspense novels of danger and romance. She’s well known as a workshop leader, book editor and former literary agent. Now she lives her dream of writing full-time, especially romantic suspense. Alice has published thirteen novels, two novellas and a memoir so far. About her novels, Amazon says, “Alice Orr turns up the heat.” Alice also presents workshops on writing for publication and/or pleasure. Most of all, Alice wants to hear from readers. Email her at aliceorrbooks@gmail.com. Or go to her website www.aliceorrbooks.com. Alice has two grown children and two perfect grandchildren and lives with her husband Jonathan in New York City.
***
Thank you Alice for showing how this book has changed you. You now know you are a storyteller at heart and are living your dream. As a fan of your work, I can say the passion and enthusiasm you describe here show vividly in this series. I wish you much success as you launch Book #2 and prepare to launch Book #3 in a few months.You remind us to keep writing until we have more than one book. I am intrigued by how letting the story flow without a synopsis or outline worked for you this time.
***
How about you? Has writing or reading a book changed your life? If so, how?
We’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~
***
Next Week:
Monday, 06/29/15:
“Frozen Grief: The Loss of Siblings in Childhood: An Interview with Anne Bernard Becker”
Thursday, 07/02/15:
I will be available to discuss my memoir, Ever Faithful to His Lead: My Journey Away From Emotional Abuse between 5:00 pm-8:00 pm (EDT). Hope to see you there!
I will be giving away(3) ebook copies of my memoir. You can enter here on my Facebook Author Page.
June 25, 2015
You’re Invited to a Party: The Inspirational Authors’ Facebook Event
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler
A week from today on July 2, Memoir Author Dana Goodman is hosting a Facebook Event: Inspirational Author’s Event
For those who love inspirational books, this event is for you. All you need to do to attend is connect on this Facebook page. For one day only, Thursday, July 2nd 2015 from 5:00 AM to 11:00 PM (Pacific Standard Time) you will be able to connect with some of today’s most inspirational authors from all over the world. Use www.worldtimebuddy.com to convert from Pacific Standard Time to your time zone so you don’t miss out. Throughout the event, you can drop by and ask authors questions and have opportunities to win ebook or printed copies of their books.
Many authors will be discounting their books for the event. You can find out about the authors’ books and purchase copies here http://bit.ly/1RfRXJ5.
Many authors are giving away ebooks and paperback copies.
I have been announcing my pre-event giveaway. You can enter here:
I’ll be available to discuss my memoir, Ever Faithful to His Lead : My Journey Away From Emotional Abuse between 5:00pm-8:00pm EDT
Hope to see you there!
Upcoming posts:
Saturday, 06/27/15:
Book Tour for Book #2 in The Riverton Romance Suspense Series–“How Writing ‘A Year of Summer Shadows’ Changed My Life by Alice Orr.
Monday, 06/29/15:
“Frozen Grief, The Loss of Siblings in Childhood : An Interview with Anne Bernard Becker”
June 2015 Monthly Newsletter: “Celebrating Milestones”
(If you are interested in receiving the monthly newsletter, the sign-up form is on the right sidebar)
June 22, 2015
First Anniversary Letter,1944: A Father’s Day Memoir Moment
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler
“The most important thing a father could do for his children is to love their mother.” – Theodore Hasburgh
My parents, Bob and Kathryn were married for sixty-seven years before Dad died in 2010. The relationship they shared for all those years became the gold standard for me and my three siblings. As you know if you have read my memoir, Ever Faithful to His Lead: My Journey Away From Emotional Abuse, I took the circuitous route before I found a loving relationship that could match the devotion, loyalty and joy of my parents’ lasting marriage.
I can’t think of a better tribute to my beloved father on Father’s Day than this letter my mom found tucked away in his top dresser drawer. We had just returned from the hospital after Dad had suffered what turned out to be a fatal stroke. In her shock and nervousness, Mom had decided to clean out Dad’s dresser. I don’t think he would mind me sharing this as it was no secret how much he loved my mother. He considered her “the best thing that ever happened to him”.
This letter was written in pencil by Dad to Mom when he was stationed in Gulfport, Mississippi in the Navy during World War II. It was their first wedding anniversary, dated September 26, 1944:
The First Anniversary Letter, 1944
My Darling Wife,
I so wanted to send you a beautiful card for our first anniversary, the kind I used to send you on Easter and Christmas, but honestly darling, I couldn’t find one that came up to your standards. So please accept this letter as your card. I guess I won’t be really happy until we are able to live together but at least we can be thankful for the months we were able to be with each other.
We are passing the first milestone of our life as man and wife and in these, our first years, we have nothing but the happiest couple.
They say after the first year you become more like man and wife instead of sweethearts, but I love you more as a sweetheart now than I did when we were first married. You mean more to me now. You have chosen me above all other men and for this I thank God.
We both probably wondered how the other would be after our marriage and I hope I have lived up to your expectations for you have answered every one of my prayers.
I long for nights when we can sit in our living room of our little dream home—me with my slippers and pipe—you with a cute, pretty dress and doing your knitting but both of us sitting close enough to steal a kiss now and then. We’ll be talking about the future ones or our coming vacation at camp or maybe about getting a new rug. Whatever it is, it will be something that will be for both of us. I want us to be inseparable. If I feel like having a beer in some tavern, I want you by my side to hold my hand and squeeze it now and then just to show me you love me.
Or if I feel like taking a walk, I want you there with me. I want to feel your company no matter what I do and I will feel proud when I walk down the street for I have the most wonderful wife in the world.
We have a beautiful life to look forward to darling and I know I will feel the same way at the end of the year as I feel now.
So, my precious one, I wish you happiness on our first anniversary and although everything isn’t the way we wish it were, things could always be worse.
May our love always be as binding and wonderful as it is now and may our second anniversary finds us in each other’s arms, planning our future.
You’ve proven yourself as a perfect wife and I hope I will always prove myself worthy of you.
Love to you for you are my Princess,
“Peaser”
***
The beauty of this letter to me as the firstborn child of Bob and Kathryn is that my father lived out these words for his entire life. I didn’t need to see this letter to know the love he had for my mother and the love they shared but seeing and touching it warmed my heart beyond words. And he loved his children. Here’s a memory I cherish:
A Father’s Love
As a high school Junior, I was the head majorette and one day after band practice the band leader ridiculed me in front of the entire band. I was standing at the doorway in the back of the room and did not hear what he said. I wondered why heads turned to look at me. Several of my friends told me, shaking their heads in disbelief, he said something like ” don’t just stand there looking stupid, do something”. Since I lived close to the school, I went home for lunch every day. As he sat quietly eating his sandwich, I walked into the kitchen, stood by the table and shared this with my father. I felt confused ,embarrassed and on the verge of tears.
“Really, I see,” he said, standing up and adding,”I’m going to pay Mr. Roman a visit.” He was calm, like he was getting up to brush his teeth before returning to work. I watched him walk the short block to the school, head high and a determined look on his face.
I later found out that he tracked Mr Roman down and told him, “Not only will you never treat my daughter with disrespect again, but you will apologize to her for being so rude and insensitive.”
Mr Roman apologized and never treated me with disrespect again. My father reaffirmed his hero status in my mind and heart that day and continued to show me his love and teach me by his example for the rest of his life.
***
Thank you, Dad, for your legacy of love. You may be gone from this earth but your words and your example continue to guide us all.
Summer 2005 with Dad at the lake
Happy Father’s Day to you and to all fathers who touch the lives of their children and the world.
How about you? What memories of your father can you share? What do you most cherish about him?
I’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~
This Week:
Thursday, 6/25:
“You’re Invited to a Party: The Inspirational Authors’ Event”
Saturday, 6/27/15:
“How Writing “A Year of Summer Shadows” Changed My Life by Author Alice Orr
Next Week:
Monday, 6/29/15:
“Frozen Grief,The Loss of Siblings in Childhood: An Interview with Memoir Author Anne Bernard Becker”
Memoir Writer’s Journey June 2015 Newsletter: “Celebrating Milestones.” You can subscribe for this monthly newsletter of updates, memoir musing and Max Moments in the right sidebar of this page.
Thursday, 07/02/15:
Inspirational Authors’ Facebook Event hosted by Memoir Author Dana Goodman will take place from 5:00 am-12:00am PDT.
I will be available to discuss my memoir, Ever Faithful to His Lead : My Journey Away From Emotional Abuse from 5:00pm-8:00pm (EDT).
Enter the Pre-event Giveaway for (3) ebook copies of my memoir here:
June 15, 2015
Blame It On Serendipity: Rewriting My Memoir by Doreen Cox
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler with Doreen Cox/@DCoxAuthor
In reality, serendipity accounts for one percent of the blessings we receive in life, work and love.The other 99 percent is due to our efforts.”~ Peter McWilliams
Revising a memoir after it has been published is a common thought among memoirists. You know, the minute you push the publish button and immediately think of several scenes you should have included. Or maybe a reader review makes you stop and think about how you can improve your story. I think most of us let it go and accept the fact that it will never be perfect or we feel our book is our best effort and we want to let it stand. But sometimes the urge to go back and tweak and change overcomes the desire to leave it as it is. This is what happened to our guest, Doreen Cox. Doreen has been a guest before in a post, “Finding My Way From Memoir to Fiction”. Yes , Doreen is the author of a memoir, Adventures in Mother Sitting and a a novella, A Sacred Journey. After she published her novella, she revisited her memoir, now in its revised form. I hope you will enjoy her story-behind -her-story as much as I have enjoyed it.
My reviews of Adventures in Mother Sitting can be found on Amazon, Goodreads, Shelfari, Riffle and LibraryThings.
Welcome back, Doreen!
Author Doreen Cox
Blame It On Serendipity: Rewriting My Memoir
Around the time that I graduated from college, I became intrigued by the concept of serendipity—influences from random encounters and accidental events. Yes, there was a major event that triggered my interest, but that’s a story for another day. Because of my fascination with serendipity’s mysterious nature, however, my life never feels boring. Rather, it is enriched by many synchronous occurrences, by unexpected encounters with others and situations that do not follow an expected script. Even now, the obvious explanations for my choices rarely satisfy me.
During the spring of 2014, several serendipitous experiences occurred that, for a while, kept me feeling discombobulated. The urge to change my plans emerged gradually; each influence seemed to come flitting out of nowhere. A combination of situations and encounters, however, ended up merging at just the right time: the noise in my head, a review, a novel, and a new friendship.
The shifting of my plans began with an intermittent stream of thoughts in my head. Although I tried to begin work on a story that I’d put off finishing during Christmas, it got sidelined once again. The few times that I sat at my PC to work on it, one reverberating thought rendered my efforts useless: rewrite Adventures in Mother-Sitting. I did give this idea some attention, but honestly, I was proud that I’d fulfilled my mother’s dream: for me to write a book. Plus, I had bared my soul to the world in this memoir, and the reviews were good ones. No one had ever mentioned the writing itself—until one day during that spring.
A new review showed up on Amazon. Although this reviewer gave my memoir four stars and a recommendation to her book club, she offered some suggestions that made me sit up and take notice:
“Three things that stood out to me in a less positive way are: 1. I have never read anything where the author used quotation marks as freely as in this book. 2. It felt as if chapters 11 and 12 yanked me right out of the story and were not necessary. 3. Some repetition seemed unneeded as the reader can understand what was said and will likely remember most of it from before when encountering things that relate back.”
The reviewer’s points were sound ones and echoed some of the thoughts I’d been trying to ignore. Since its initial publication in 2010, I had barely looked at my memoir, but after receiving this review, I began to carefully peruse each chapter. This was not easy to do, for I still felt emotionally raw with grief and did not want to revisit the toughest moments I’d had while a caregiver to my dementia-addled mother. That happened often enough, especially when a memory of her in a child-like state would hit me out of the blue. After that day of perusal, however, I had to agree with this reviewer’s points. To be candid, my confidence plummeted; I felt deflated, like a balloon that had been punctured by a needle. Instead of enjoying music on my long drive to work, a cacophony of internal arguments kept me company. You’ve learned a lot more about writing, Dody. Your book can be so much better now, and the cover…sheesh. It does need work. That was one side of the argument. The other was just as incessant: Why are you going to waste time by rewriting your memoir? It’s good enough. Instead, why don’t you finish that story or write a sequel regarding life after caregiving? Don’t waste your time! Fortunately, my part-time job as a GED teacher helped me handle them. We were at the end of a term, and getting some new students settled into their studies provided a refuge from the noise, at least until serendipity decided to save me, come at me from several new directions.
Reading has always been a passion; sometimes it is purely an escape, but more often, some author’s story revitalizes my own perspectives in some interesting way. Because Twitter is the main stream of social media that I enjoy, both to promote my stories and discover new books to read, I was on it daily. The tweets of a particular author, unknown to me at the time, kept catching my eye. It wasn’t long until my curiosity took hold. After going to her author page, I read the synopses of each of her novels. One in particular nabbed my attention right away, so I purchased a Kindle version and began reading that night—the story captured me from page one. Crooked Moon by Lisette Brodey moved me so deeply that I read it slowly, wanting to savor each nuance. It felt as if I were there, living in the story along with the characters. During my read of this novel, another urge took hold: a passion to learn to write as well as the author.
To some extent, it’s still a mystery as to why the author made contact with me at that time, inviting me to do a guest interview on her blog. She hadn’t read my memoir but had certainly seen the flaws in the cover and read that last review. It had to be serendipity at play, for as our friendship developed, my passion to rewrite my memoir solidified. So three years after the initial publication of Adventures, it took only a few emails and a soul-baring conversation with my friend to realize there was an unrest in me that had heretofore been blocked: I wasn’t altogether happy with my memoir. I had to take action. If I had resisted my gut’s urge to do a rewrite, disappointment in myself as a writer would have stifled my confidence—hovering over me like a dark cloud whenever I attempted to write something else.
With my decision made, serendipity continued to serve me well. I was introduced to an artist/graphic designer who gave me a precious gift: Charles Roth created a beautiful new book cover. It served as a talisman while I finished the rewrite and continues to comfort me today. Whereas before I’d written Adventures by my lonesome, during the rewrite, I had two friends to advise me and make editing suggestions. I’m indebted to Lisette Brodey and Julia Hughes, authors whose own stories are ones that I highly recommend; their novels reside on the top shelf of my bookcase.
The reward for rewriting Adventures was priceless on an intrinsic level. The release of pent-up tension and residual grief provided me with an unexpected breath of fresh air. From the time I began rewriting, my confidence as an author grew. When the second edition was complete and published, the surge of freedom I felt was powerful. I’m still experiencing the updrafts from that surge.
Though it would not have been easy to ignore my gut feeling regarding my need to create a better book, I could have done so. Rewriting my memoir took time away from other projects and was a lot of work. For me, however, to ignore this urge would have been too high a price to pay. Whenever I tweet or see a friend’s tweet of Adventures, my confidence as an author feels authentic.
Acting on urges or gut feelings to rewrite a book so as to make it better, enliven the story in some way, is a rewarding challenge. I highly recommend the experience. The sense of accomplishment is an incredible tonic.
***
Thank you Doreen for sharing your personal story of revising your published memoir, three years after its publication. It seems you could not rest until you completed this. You show us how listening to your voice has not only improved your story but has enriched your life as a writer. Brava and best wishes with the newly revised addition of what I thought was a great book to begin with!
***
Author Bio:
Born with a sense of wanderlust, Doreen (Dody) Cox had a somewhat convoluted career path, working in various business-related and mental health occupations. When dementia began to debilitate her mother, Dody resigned from her job as group counselor at an alternative school in order to take on an unforeseen endeavor: become her mother’s care bear. It was after her mother’s death that Dody’s path took another unexpected turn. She chose to honor her mother’s long-held wish: for her to write a book. ADVENTURES IN MOTHER-SITTING is Dody’s first publication, a memoir that emerged from the pages of her journal. Writing was a steadying outlet throughout the three years that dementia took her and her mother on an unpredictably tumultuous, yet heartwarming adventure.
Currently, Dody lives in her native Florida and works part-time, teaching a GED class comprised of multicultural adults in one of her favorite places: a library. She continues to write and has recently published A SACRED JOURNEY, a fictional short story with themes relating to nature, spirituality, hope, and dignity in death.
Amazon link: http://amzn.to/1ysKLyq
Twitter: https://twitter.com/DCoxAuthor
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/mothersitter
How about you? Have you ever felt the need to re-write a published book?
We’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~
Next Week:
Monday, 06/22/15: “First Anniversary Letter, 1944: A Father’s Day Memoir Moment”
***
ANNOUNCEMENTS:
The Goodreads Giveaway is over and ten signed copies of my memoir have been mailed to the winners. There were 602 entries and 300 marked it to-read. Thanks to everyone who entered!
On Thursday , July 2 between the hours of 5am (PDT) and 12 pm (PDT), Memoir Author Dana Goodman is hosting the Inspirational Author Facebook Event . I will be available to discuss my memoir, Ever Faithful to His Lead: My Journey Away From Emotional Abuse between 5:00 pm-8:00 pm (EDT). Hope to see you there!
I am doing a pre-event giveaway of (3) ebook copies of my memoir between 6/15 and 7/1. You can enter here:
June 8, 2015
Redefining Success in Memoir Marketing
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler
“Success is not final. Failure is not fatal; it is the courage to continue that counts.” Winston Churchill
Photo Credit: “Sunset by the Pool” dreamstimefree
Redefining Success in Memoir Marketing
How do you define success?
Is holding your book in your hands all you really need?
Do you need to win an award or be on a bestseller list to feel legitimate?
Do 100+ Amazon reviews make you feel you have arrived?
Or is it book sales or your Amazon Sales Rank that validate your success?
How about getting paid to speak?
We all define success differently. And we all have to start somewhere.
Jonathan Fields of The Good Life Project talks about compensation being the opportunity to build a brand until you start getting paid for providing value, in this podcast, The Myth of Working For Free: The Good,The Bad, The Truth (12 min)
“Money is not the only form of compensation.” I highly recommend this podcast.
Expectations for success depend upon how one defines success.
Success is defined by each one of us.
Of course, I’d love to be on a bestseller list or win an award. I am always appreciative when I receive reviews and would love to see the numbers rise. And making a profit on my writing activities certainly would be nice…
But, I have discovered that success can be defined differently or redefined from conventional definitions.
My story…
During a recent book event at the local library, I sat at the table checking my email when a tall, lanky man with salt and pepper hair rushed to my table. He had been working on his car and apologized for being late. (He was the only one there). He acted like he was arriving for an important appointment as he said,
“I knew I had to come down to hear what you had to say. I’m trying to help my wife who is being abused verbally by our son.”
“Thanks for stopping by but I have to tell you, I am not a counselor.”
“Oh, you aren’t?” he said. “Well, your book sounds interesting…”
Here’s what happened. We shared our stories. I read him an excerpt from my memoir. After about thirty minutes, he told me he got what the came for and then casually mentioned he was in charge of a local writer’s organization that promotes books and invited me to the next meeting to present my book to the group. I gave him my press release, and business card. He signed out a copy of my memoir from the library.
In the meantime, two young women stopped by in search of a book for their next book club meeting. This gentleman immediately recommended Ever Faithful to His Lead and before I knew it, we exchanged emails and phone numbers. They plan to have me attend their next book club session. One of the women indicated that her mother would like my book since she had been emotionally abused.
No, I didn’t sell one book that day, but I choose to view this as a successful day. Three people I had never met learned about my book and offered me two tangible opportunities to promote it. It could be a ripple effect…
Photo Credit: dreamstimefree
Success to me means making meaningful connections one person at a time. It means creating opportunities to get my message out to different audiences. It means showing up and being present to those at an event, even if it is only a handful of people. It means remaining open to different venues and being willing to step outside of my comfort zone.
Show up, listen, share~
How about you? How do you define success in marketing?
I’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~
Next Week:
Monday, 06/15/15:
“Blame it on Serendipity: Revising My Memoir by Doreen Cox”, author of Adventures in Mother-Sitting.
ONLY 4 MORE DAYS TO GO: My Goodreads Giveaway for Ever Faithful to His Lead runs until June 11. Ten signed paperback copies will be given away. You can enter the drawing on the right sidebar.
