Kathleen Pooler's Blog, page 25
April 6, 2017
The 2017 Third Annual Brain to Books Cyber Convention Blog Hop
Hi and welcome to blog hop for the B2B Cyber Convention and Book Expo.
The Brain to Book Cyber Convention and Book Expo (also known as b2b) was started by Author Angela Chrysler in 2015 with the goal of “providing authors with an open stage where they are free to share and exchange ideas. If you think it, you can do it.” It is open to authors, readers, bloggers who want to showcase their work through a wide variety of venues.
Think of it as an on-line fairgrounds where you can visit author booths, listen to panel discussions, learn about different genres and, if you choose, participate in contests or games for free books.
This is an international event.
And from their website:
“Who we are:
Brain to Books works to unite the voices of undiscovered authors under one message so that we increase the chances of being heard. “We are here,” is our message and our books are worth reading
What we do:
Brain to Books provides a toolbox for authors who lack the knowledge or confidence to market. We gently ease authors into marketing with the use of guerrilla and drip marketing techniques. We are always on the lookout for tools that we can pass on to our authors.
Who we serve:
Brain to Books serves the author who is nervous about networking and marketing. We take authors by the hand and lead them into the world of marketing, and we’re with them every step of the way.”
On April 7, 8, 9, 2017 , The Third Annual Brain to Book Cyber Conference will take place.
Hop through the collection of author sites in every genre and see what they have to offer:http://b2bcycon.com/blog-hop/
Now hop on over to the featured blog page at D2Books:
I will be participating in the Memoir Genre, managed by Author,Poet, Meditation Teacher Charlene Jones. This will include:
A Book Expo where my memoir, Ever Faithful to His Lead : My Journey Away From Emotional Abuse will be displayed in my “Author Showcase/Booth”.
A Blog Tour where traffic will be directed to my website.
A Genre Tour where I will feature one of my blog posts on memoir writing.
Two Panel Discussions: One on the healing aspects of writing memoir and the other on memoir and mindfulness.
I hope you’ll stop by and explore your areas of interest.
Here’s the link to access the convention: http://b2bcycon.com/
This is my first time participating so I am learning along the way. I’ll let you know how it goes!
***
Memoir Writing Tips
“Each of us is a book waiting to be written, and that book, if written, results in a person explained.” ― Thomas M. Cirignano, The Constant Outsider: Memoirs of a South Boston Mechanic
After years of journaling, studying the art and craft of memoir writing and shaping my vignettes in a slice-of-life memoir over these past five years, I published my first memoir Ever Faithful to His Lead: My Journey Away From Emotional Abuse on July 28, 2014.
As I move forward on a path of marketing and publishing my second memoir, I find myself reflecting upon the lessons of these past eight years.
Memoir Writing Tips I’ve learned on my memoir writer’s journey:
* We all have a story within and we are the only ones who can tell it. Once you find it, or it finds you, honor it.
*The only way to find your story is to show up and write. Often. Give the story that needs to be told a chance to reveal itself to you. Figure out a way to manage your inner critic. Give yourself permission to write.
* Connect to your purpose for writing your story. Is it catharsis, preserving family stories, mainstream publication? Emotional distance from the story helps you see it as a story. Journal for catharsis. Write with intention and commitment to the truth for publication. A journal is a tool to express and explore feelings and reactions. A memoir captures a story with a message.
* Once you connect to your purpose for writing your story, your themes become clear. Details matter but they must serve a purpose to your theme, otherwise they may distract your reader from the purpose of your story. An autobiography cites a person’s life in chronological order. A memoir captures a “slice of life” with reflections on lessons learned.
*Your story has to be bigger than you. What is the universal appeal with your individual twist? Define your memoir “takeaways” –what’s in it for the reader? How can my experiences help the reader understand theirs?
* Commit to excellence in every step of the process: learn the art and craft of memoir; seek out memoir mentors, professional editors, book cover designers, etc.
*Remain open to constructive feedback while remaining true to your own voice. Embrace rejection as a pathway to improving and finding success. Write it until it’s right.
*Share your story openly and often. Submit to writing contests, magazines, guest posts on other blogs, blog your book. When you get your writing out there, you get valuable feedback that will help you improve.
* It’s all about story. A good memoir reads like a novel. The rules of fiction apply to memoir: opening hook, plot, structure, character development, narrative arc, theme. conflict, suspense, resolution, and a distinct voice.
* Memoir writing is a journey of self–discovery, healing and transformation. Be kind to yourself as you dig for the truths and excavate painful memories. Be patient, yet persistent in finding the “gold nuggets” of your life story that will ultimately help you heal and touch the lives of others in a healing way.
Use Your Pitch to Showcase the Benefit of Your Story:
Sharing your transformative journey can transform readers. That’s why a memoir must focus on providing value, or benefit, to readers.
My journey to memoir led me to healing and self-forgiveness. My hope is that Ever Faithful to His Lead: My Journey Away From Emotional Abuse will help others face their own past self-defeating choices and find their own pathways to healing. My pitch has this focus as well. It says, “How does a young woman from stable, loving family make so many wise choices about career but so many poor choices about love that she ends up fleeing with her two children in broad daylight from her second husband for fear of physical abuse?
A loving, stable family, a strong faith and a solid career can’t rescue her until she decides to rescue herself.
A memoir is about you, but ultimately, it’s about your readers.
Just keep writing past your inner critic, past the naysayers, past the distractions. We all have a story within us and it will lead the way.
Happy Writing!
April 3, 2017
Adoption is Not All Sunshine and Roses by Christian Author Christine Lindsay
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler with Christine Lindsay/@CLindsayWriter
“Having a child means a piece of your heart is walking around in the world.”
Author Unknown
Sarah at two weeks
I am very pleased to feature Christine Lindsay in this guest post on her memoir, Finding Sarah, Finding Me. Christine and I met on-line and developed an immediate connection. Christine is the author of multi-award-winning Christian fiction and non-fiction. In her memoir, Finding Sarah, Finding Me: A Birth Mother’s Memoir, she shares the heartaches, hopes and epiphanies of her journey to a reunion with the daughter she gave up.
My reviews of her heartfelt memoir can be found on: Amazon, Goodreads, LibraryThings and Riffle.
Welcome, Christine!
Christina Non-Fiction and Fiction Author and Speaker Christine Lindsay
Adoption is Not All Sunshine and Roses
Have you ever thought that God is cruel? A few times in my life I’ve curled my fist tight and shook it under the very nose of my Creator.
Late in the 1970’s, unmarried and pregnant, I did what a lot of church-going girls did who “got into trouble.” I gave my baby girl up for adoption—whom I named Sarah—when she was 3 days old. As much as I wanted to keep my baby, I thought it best that Sarah have a Mom and a Dad. I could only offer her half of that equation.
During the next 20 years, I met and married the sweetest man, and we had 3 beautiful children, Lana, Kyle, and Robert. But each day when I prayed for our 3 kids, I prayed for Sarah and her adoptive parents as well. I also prayed for the day when a grown Sarah and I could meet, and develop a unique relationship as birth-mom and birth-daughter. I didn’t want to infringe on her relationship with her adoptive parents, but I figured there was enough love in the world for an adult adoptee to have both adoptive and biological parents in their life, with the adoptive parents taking the major role, of course.
Sarah in Kindergarten
There is nothing more hungry than an empty womb. Mine, after I gave Sarah up. Oh yes, I felt that empty womb and wept. Sarah’s adoptive mom suffered from infertility. Adoption is not all sunshine and roses. Even Sarah as she grew up, hungered to know who she looked like. Who she came from.
The day of our reunion, when Sarah was 20 years old, was not the idyllic event I had envisioned. I figured Sarah and I, my family and hers would all meet on the day of reunion, and laugh and cry with joy like long lost relatives.
But people are made up of such different emotional stuff.
Here is an Excerpt from Finding Sarah Finding Me on the day of the reunion:
Reunion Day
There are plenty of DNA parallels between both my daughters. Sarah and Lana share similar smiles, their long-legged figures, that hint of goofiness that I only get a peek at in Sarah, as though it’s a vein of gold I must dig for. Yet with every sameness there are so many differences. With those few, slim glimpses into the real Sarah, I still feel that barrier. Her smile is so quiet, so polite.
The day wears on, and exhaustion reaches its peak for both Sarah and I, and I know that the little girl I’ve imagined all these years and loved was truly a phantom. My counselor is so wrong. There’s no way I can win Sarah’s affections. There’s no natural bond in Sarah to build upon.
As David, Lana, Robert, and I say good night to Mark and Sarah, with the vague promise that she’ll send us the date and time for the wedding, we wave as they drive off. As my family disperses to the living room, I lay my head against the front door, and the sobs erupt. Not quietly this time, like I cried that day on the maternity ward floor as the cold gray, steel elevator doors closed—holding in my full despair. This time I howl. This time the swirling dark waters of loss sweep me fully out of my safe harbor, out to the depths.
All these years, have I truly understood the magnitude of my loss, understood what I did in giving up my child?
The kids hear me sobbing, the three of them stay in the living room out of the maelstrom of my unleashed emotions. David pulls me into the kitchen and holds me close. I’ve kept a lock on my disappointment all day, having hoped for so much more closeness than Sarah has been able to offer. Now it unleashes, a wounded tiger uncaged.
“I’ve prayed for twenty years,” I yell at David as I pull away, “prayed for twenty years that God would prepare their hearts so that no one would feel hurt. And this is the best he could do! This… this is the biggest disappointment of my life!” I cry out, “and God knows I’ve had enough of them.”
David takes hold of me again. I resist, but he holds tight while my mind fights to sift through the avalanche of my emotions. I want to get to know my beautiful birth daughter, but my dream lies at my feet like shattered glass. She is my daughter, but not my daughter. I’m not a part of her family, nor have Sarah or her parents ever considered such a thing.
Her mom and dad don’t even want to meet me.
Poor Sarah’s parents. Poor me. And poor Sarah stuck in the middle, trying to make everyone happy.
***
Adoption is one of those very human situations that cannot be pigeon-holed. People are beautifully complex. It took a long time for healing to come, but I stopped shaking my fist under God’s nose, when I began to see in my journey as a mother, just how deep His love is for His children.
My post reunion relationship with Sarah and her family is still not the way I envisioned it, but God is using our story in fascinating ways.
Finding Sarah Finding Me is the braided memoir of, not only my story as a birth-mom, but Sarah’s adoptive mom’s story, and Sarah’s, in their own words. This book also tells the stories of several adoption reunions, all in the hope of encouraging people when they feel all is lost, and not necessarily about adoption.
There is a very special reason why 100% of my author royalties go to Global Aid Network Women’s and Children’s Initiative for the lifetime of the book. But you’ll have to read the book to know how God tied my heart as a writer with that of my birth-daughter, Sarah’s nursing career.
FINDING SARAH, FINDING ME BOOK DESCRIPTION:
Sometimes it is only through giving up our hearts that we learn to trust the Lord.
Adoption. It’s something that touches one in three people today, a word that will conjure different emotions in those people touched by it. A word that might represent the greatest hope…the greatest question…the greatest sacrifice. But most of all, it’s a word that represents God’s immense love for his people.
Join birth mother Christine Lindsay as she shares the heartaches, hopes, and epiphanies of her journey to reunion with the daughter she gave up…and to understanding her true identity in Christ along the way.
Through her story and glimpses into the lives of other families in the adoption triad, readers will see the beauty of our broken families, broken hearts, and broken dreams when we entrust them to our loving God.
PURCHASE LINKS FOR FINDING SARAH FINDING ME
ABOUT CHRISTINE LINDSAY:
Irish-born Christine Lindsay is the author of multi-award-winning Christian fiction and non-fiction. Readers describe her writing as gritty yet tender, realistic yet larger than life, with historical detail that collides into the heart of psychological and relationship drama. Christine’s fictional novels have garnered the ACFW Genesis Award, The Grace Award, Canada’s The Word Guild Award, and was a finalist twice for Readers’ Favorite as well as 2nd place in RWA’s Faith Hope and Love contest.
This author’s non-fiction memoir Finding Sarah Finding Me is the true-life story that started this award-winning career in Christian fiction and non-fiction and speaking ministry.
CONNECT WITH CHRISTINE LINDSAY:
Christine Lindsay’s Amazon Page
***
Thank you, Christine, for sharing your journey as a birth mother in this post and in your beautiful memoir. Your story touched my mother’s heart and I’m sure will touch others. As the mother of two birth children, I can’t imagine having to give them up for adoption but you show how adoption is an act of courage and love. And you give hope that, despite the roller coaster of emotions you and Sarah experienced through the reunion process, you have both found peace and joy.
***
How about you? Do you have an adoption story you wish to share? Any thoughts on Christine’s and Sarah’s story?
We’d love to hear from you. Please join in the conversation below~
***
Next Week:
Monday, 4/10/17:
“Takeaways from the 2017 Brain to Books Online Cyber Convention and Book Expo”
March 27, 2017
The Brain to Book Cyber Convention and Book Expo: A Creative Way to Market Your Book
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler
“Hard work puts you where good luck can find you.”~ Anonymous
Photo Credit: Pixabay Free Image “Heavy”
The Brain to Book Convention and Book Expo: A Creative Way to Market Your Book
Most writers who want to get better exposure for their work agree that marketing is one of the hardest parts of writing and publishing. The whole process is hard work, but the marketing aspect seems to have its own mystique.
I already know that I will not be able to expend the same amount of time and energy in marketing my next memoir, The Edge of Hope, mainly due to health-related constraints. So I am looking at options that do not require extensive travel.
When I first heard about the Brain to Book Cyber Convention, my ears perked up.
Here’s a way to market my book without leaving home.
Let me tell you about it:
The Brain to Book Cyber Convention and Book Expo (also known as b2b) was started by Author Angela Chrysler in 2015 with the goal of “providing authors with an open stage where they are free to share and exchange ideas. If you think it, you can do it.” It is open to authors, readers, bloggers who want to showcase their work through a wide variety of venues.
Think of it as an on-line fairgrounds where you can visit author booths, listen to panel discussions, learn about different genres and, if you choose, participate in contests or games for free books.
This is an international event.
And from their website:
“Who we are:
Brain to Books works to unite the voices of undiscovered authors under one message so that we increase the chances of being heard. “We are here,” is our message and our books are worth reading
What we do:
Brain to Books provides a toolbox for authors who lack the knowledge or confidence to market. We gently ease authors into marketing with the use of guerrilla and drip marketing techniques. We are always on the lookout for tools that we can pass on to our authors.
Who we serve:
Brain to Books serves the author who is nervous about networking and marketing. We take authors by the hand and lead them into the world of marketing, and we’re with them every step of the way.”
On April 7, 8, 9, 2017 , The Third Annual Brain to Book Cyber Conference will take place.
I will be participating in the Memoir Genre, managed by Author,Poet, Meditation Teacher Charlene Jones. This will include:
A Book Expo where my memoir, Ever Faithful to His Lead : My Journey Away From Emotional Abuse will be displayed in my “Author Showcase/Booth”.
A Blog Tour where traffic will be directed to my website.
A Genre Tour where I will feature one of my blog posts on memoir writing.
Two Panel Discussions: One on the healing aspects of writing memoir and the other on memoir and mindfulness.
I hope you’ll stop by and explore your areas of interest.
Here’s the link to access the convention: http://b2bcycon.com/
This is my first time participating so I am learning along the way. I’ll let you know how it goes!
***
How about you? What marketing activities have you found that fit into your life?
I’d love to hear your ideas. Please join in the conversation below~
***
Next Week:
Monday, 4/3/17:
” Adoption is Not All Sunshine and Roses by Christine Lindsay”
Christine is the author of multi-award-winning Christian fiction and non-fiction. In her memoir, Finding Sarah, Finding Me, she shares the heartaches, hopes and epiphanies of her journey to reunion with the daughter she gave up.
March 20, 2017
Writing My Memoir Mended What Was Broken by Skye Blaine
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler with Skye Blaine/@oneclearskye
“Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have perseverance and above all confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something and that this thing must be obtained~ Marie Curie
I am very pleased to introduce you to memoirist Author Skye Blaine whose heartfelt, compelling memoir, Bound to Love, highlights the challenges of mothering a special needs child with love, hope and courage. I am the mother of two healthy children and reading this book gave me a realistic and painful view of what life is like for both a special needs child and a mother.
My reviews can be found on Amazon, Goodreads, LibraryThings and Riffle.
Welcome, Skye!
Memoir Author Skye Blaine
Writing My Memoir Mended What Was Broken
As an avid teenage writer, I curled on my bed and penned poetry swamped with longing and (imagined) steamy scenes. I showed my writing to no one.
Twenty years old. My first semester as a junior at the University of Cincinnati after transferring back home to marry. The urge to express myself in words nagged, so I signed up for a creative writing class. Bold and self-assured, the professor paced in front of the room. I shook with fear and awe. For our first assignment, he asked us to complete a short story up to 2,000 words. I had never tried to write a fictional story before; as a reader, I was a novel enthusiast, and wasn’t familiar with the short story form. I went home and over the week eked out 359 words, edited and retyped at least five times. Excited and terrified, I bicycled to class to hand it in.
A few days later, the professor strode into the room with a sheaf of papers in his hand and tossed them on his desk. “Terrible,” he said. “Shockingly bad. But the very worst,” he picked up the story on top, “is Skye Blaine’s. It’s drivel. It isn’t even a story because it goes nowhere—I didn’t even bother making comments.” And with that, he tore the paper in half and flicked it into the metal wastepaper basket. Drenched with humiliation, I stared down at my desk. His words, “I didn’t even bother making comments,” rang in my ears.
I didn’t write for twenty-seven years.
In 1992, I shut my office door and hobbled to my computer. Three weeks earlier, I’d been slammed by a massive oak branch my husband and I were sawing off. I suffered broken ribs, torn spleen, battered kidney, and abdominal surgery. The doctor had told me—prior to the operation—that it’s rare for a person to survive such an injury.
But I was alive, and somehow cracked wide open. I clicked on Microsoft Word and stared at the blank page. I heard that teacher’s voice in my head—his sneering, patronizing, cruel tone. Am I going to let him rule my life forever? I sat with that thought for long moments. No! I plunged in: “Events rolled like tumbleweed in a rising wind.”
Over the next ten days I wrote twenty pages, and completed the story of birthing my son and learning about his life-threatening heart defect. Then I stopped. I needed … what? Support. Instruction. Feedback.
That year, in the Wild West days of the internet, I found an online course called WriteLab through Pennsylvania State University. Students worked through twenty-six exercises covering point of view, developing characters, creating an arc, portraying emotion, and many other craft topics. Participants submitted work to the online community—about sixty writing souls—and received feedback. Sadly, it doesn’t exist anymore. It was a free, rich education in the solid basics of craft.
A couple of years later, I joined a local critique group. After I read, participants said it seemed the narrator was standing fifteen feet back from her own story. It lacked intimacy, they thought. I learned the term “narrative distance.”
In 1999, I signed up for a creative writing class at the University of Oregon. Then I took another. And another. At the end of the third class, the professor, Robert Hill Long, invited each student to have an exit interview. Memories of my first writing professor flooded as I sat with sweaty hands in Robert’s office, terrified of what he might say.
He reached up, pulled a spiral-bound book from his shelves, and handed it to me. I saw that it listed all graduate creative writing programs in the country. Two opposite internal responses jumbled together—Jeez, I need that much help? and I guess he sees potential!
“Skye, consider graduate school,” he said.
After talking with my husband, I applied to three programs. I was accepted by Antioch University, and earned an MFA in Creative Writing. By the end, I had a complete draft of the memoir. Later that year, I tried marketing it—but James Frey had just published A Million Little Pieces, and his memoir got outed as flagrant exaggeration. No agents or publishers would consider memoir—avenues to publishing were blocked.
In 2005, I entered the manuscript in the Pacific Northwest Writers Association contest. After months of waiting, the contest spokesperson notified me I was one of eight finalists in the nonfiction division. All eight were encouraged to attend the PNWA summer conference where the four winners would be revealed.
My oldest adult friend, Margaret, traveled from California to Seattle to be with me. When the nonfiction winners were announced, my heart rat-tat-tatted so fast I could barely breathe. Fourth prize—to someone else. Third prize—to someone else. Second prize—to someone else. At that point, I lost all hope. I was simply one of the finalists. Then they called my name for first prize. I froze in place and frowning, stared at Margaret. “Did I hear right?”
“Go!” She nudged me. “Go get your award!”
As I walked to the front of the room, my shoulders squared. The professor from so long ago was wrong—even then, there had been latent potential in my writing. He just didn’t bother to look for it.
Writing and publishing Bound to Love has mended what had been broken so long ago. I move differently in the world today—with confidence and gratitude.
The simple story of a mother raising her disabled son was worthy of being told.
Photo Credit: Google Free Images
***
Thank you Skye for sharing your heartfelt story of facing your only child’s serious health challenges and showing your readers how your mother love gave you the courage and grit to persist. You remind us how the power of a mother’s love can fuel the path to a better life. Surely, there must be a dedicated place in Heaven for mothers of special needs children. You also show us how persistence and hard work eventually led you to tell the story only you could tell. You remind me that we all have that power within but we need to claim and honor it. Congratulations on claiming and honoring your voice and for sharing your heartfelt story.
***
Book Synopsis:
Bound to Love is the true story of a single mother who encountered and navigated a complicated nightmare for any parent. My child, the only child I could ever bear—was born with a life-threatening congenital heart defect, and suffered a more brutal health diagnosis soon after. Walk with me as I birth the courage and grit to meet Thom’s compounding challenges. The memoir won first prize in the Pacific Northwest Writers Association contest under the name Blood Bond.
The memoir covers Thom’s first twenty years as we confront prejudice, injustice, and a share of compassion as well. This is an important read for any parent who feels alone raising a child with complex disabilities.
My memoir may be purchased here: http://amzn.to/1Q6JTZY
Bio:
Skye Blaine writes memoir, fiction, poetry, and blogs, developing themes of aging, coming of age, disability, and awakening. She received an MFA in Creative Writing from Antioch University in 2003. Bound to Love: a memoir of grit and gratitude was published in 2015. Her memoir has won two first prizes and an indieBRAG medallion. Her novel, Call Her Home, is in final editing, and she’s working on the sequel. Skye’s writing is included in seven anthologies and in national magazines: “Yes” and “Catalyst.” She teaches creative writing to older adults as adjunct faculty of Santa Rosa Junior College.
Author Contact Information:
Author website: http://www.skyeblaine.com
Nondual (Spiritual) blog: http://www.theheartofthematter-dailyreminders.org
Twitter: @oneclearskye
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AmritaSkye
Email: skye@skyeblaine.com
***
How about you? How do you muster the courage to deal with your child’s challenges? When has your mother love led the way?
We’d love to hear from you. Please join in the conversation below~
***
Next Week:
Monday, 3/27/17
“The Brain to Book Cyber Conference”
March 2017 Newsletter, Updates, Memoir Musings, Max Moments:
“My Lenten Journey Into the Desert”
If you are interested in receiving these monthly newsletters, please sign up on the right sidebar. I’d love to have you along!
March 13, 2017
How Reading is Helping Me Write a Better Memoir
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler
“If you want to be a writer, you must do two things above all others: read a lot and write a lot.” ~Stephen King, On Writing
Most people I know who love to write also love to read—a lot.
Getting lost in a good book is right up there as one my favorite things to do. As soon as I finish one book, I am clamoring like an addict to get my hands on the next one. While I am partial to memoirs, I love to mix it up and dig into a good historical novel, a classic, a book by a writer I’ve never heard of, poetry. The list goes on and the pile of books at my bedside keeps getting taller. And I know you can relate.
Since I am in the revision stage of my work-in-progress memoir, On the Edge of Hope: My Journey Through My Son’s Addiction, I’ve had a laser focus on memoirs by mothers of addicted sons.
Addiction is a cunning beast which storms in like a tornado and leaves its victims shattered and confused. It goes hand in hand with codependency.
Memoirs I’m reading that have created sparks of recognition…
Every once a while, I read a book that sparks fireworks in my mind where scenes from my life pop out at me in rapid-fire fashion and have me grabbing for a pad and pen to jot them down. Pattie Welek Hall’s memoir, A Mother’s Dance: One Step Forward, Two Steps Back, Full Circle affected me in a deeply personal way as the mother of a son. It is about facing and conquering calamitous events with not one but two young adult sons, one who suffered a traumatic brain injury from a motorcycle accident and the other with addiction.
Photo Credit: Flickr Creative Commons
What was it about Pattie’s memoir that sparked such a reaction in me?
The highlight of a good memoir is the universal connection the reader feels with the story. Even though this is Pattie’s unique story from her point of view, she brought me into her sacred journey in a way that helped me connect with the story of my heart–my journey through my son’s addiction.
Reading her memoir inspired me to find other memoirs by mothers of addicted sons. There are other powerful memoirs about addicted children, namely, A Mother’s Story: Angie Doesn’t Live Here Anymore by Maggie Romera, Beautiful Boy: A Father’s Journey Through His Son’s Addiction by David Scheff and Broken: A Story of Addiction and Redemption by William Cope Moyers but I wanted to focus on the mother-son relationship.
That’s not the first time that has happened…
When I read Sandra Swenson’s The Joey Song: A Mother’s Story of Her Son’s Addiction, I heard the same bells and whistles go off as I relived my own efforts to help my son and felt the same level of frustration about not being able to control his addiction. Though Joey is still active in his addiction, Sandra has found serenity in her ministry to educate and inspire other parents to believe that letting go does not mean giving up. She chronicles her journey “through the place where love and addiction meet”. Sandra shares her story in this ASK documentary:
Sandy from Kurt Neale on Vimeo.
More mothers speak up–more fireworks in my mind…
Saving Jake: When Addiction Hits Home by D’Anne Burwell follows the long, tough road to family recovery, highlighting the shame and silence that often accompanies addiction. What’s unique about D’Anne’s book is that she incorporates the latest resources and research about addiction into her story, reinforcing the point that educating yourself about the disease of addiction will facilitate the recovery process. Through her own arduous journey to understand and cope with her son’s addiction, she has provided a wealth of resources for anyone dealing with an addicted child.
In Stay Close: A Mother’s Story of Her Son’s Addiction, educator and author Libby Cataldi shares the story of her son, Jeff’s valiant struggle to recover from severe drug addiction from her point of view. I love the part where Jeff reflects on his side of the story in retrospect. Libby has continued her mission to educate and support those families suffering with addiction through her weekly blog, Stay Close with stories of hope and inspiration about addiction and recovery.
***
Each story similar–the same angst and heartache, the initial guilt and shame, the confusion, the silence and sense of betrayal and manipulation a mother feels when she discover her son is an addict. Yet so different in their presentations. All show the struggle and nurture the hope that recovery is possible.
All these brave women have shared their story in hopes of helping others traveling the same terrifying path. They are advocates for families of addicts through their websites, radio programs, speaking engagements. Sandy helps cook at a home for unwed mothers. Both Sandy and D’Anne are involved with ASK, a program to educate families about addiction and codependency. Pattie hosts her own internet radio talk show called Joy Radio.
How has reading these memoirs helped me with my writing?
*They connected me to my own story in a deeply personal way.
*While reading outside my genre has helped me to learn about style, voice, narration, reading these memoirs has helped me to see how each author delivered their unique story–one I have a vested interest in– in a way that is believable and engaging. They each have their own voice and style, yet they all taught me the value of honest introspection, believable characters and showing their progress toward transformation. The transformation is the part that nurtures the hope.
*Reading a wide variety of authors with similar stories has given me a new perspective on my own voice.
While my story may be similar, it’s still unique to me and I get to tell it in my own authentic voice. There’s no right or wrong. Your story is just that–your story but if you don’t spark a connection with a universal story then the vision of helping others through your own life lessons is lost.
*Each story is an invitation into the sacred space of the mother-son relationship.
***
Pattie, Sandy, D’Anne and Libby are all warrior mothers who have faced the nightmare of awakening to the nightmare of their sons’ addictions. They have faced the truth and have forged ahead to find their own path to recovery. The lessons they share are making a positive difference in the world. They have inspired me to keep writing my own story in hopes of helping others who need it the most.
As I write about my son and the impact of his addiction on our family, I will keep Casey and Bo, Joey, Jake and Jeff and their warrior mothers who never, ever gave up hope, close at heart.
***
How about you? Have you ever read a book that inspired you in your writing? What about the book inspired you?
I’d love to hear from you. Please join in the conversation below~
***
This Week:
I’m honored to be participating in Woman’s History Month over at Victoria Noe’s Blog with this post on “The Silent Era of the AIDS Epidemic”.
Viki is writing a book, Fag Hags, Divas and Moms: The Legacy of Straight Women in the AIDS Community (coming in 2017).
Next Week:
Monday, 3/20/17
“Writing My Memoir Mended What Was Broken by Skye Blaine”
Skye is the author of Bound to Love: A Memoir of Grit snd Gratitude, a poignant mother’s story about her only child, a son born with a life-threatening congenital heart defect.
March 6, 2017
Mary Kelley on Why I Wrote the Book, “The Weeping Angel”: A WOW Blog Tour
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler with Mary Kelley
“I wish I could tell you more, but someday perhaps I can tell it “avec le livre.” –Pte. Hubert W. Kelley, Somewhere in France, August 14, 1917
I am very pleased to be participating in Mary Kelley’s WOW Blog Tour for her new book, The Weeping Angels: Letters and Poems From World War I France. The story behind the story about a father she only knew through his letters and poems is as fascinating as the story itself. The letters and poems he left provide a glimpse into another time and place.It makes me realize how we live in an age where letter writing is a lost art. Who will tell our stories if we don’t?
The Weeping Angel (L’Ange Pleurer) is a small statue poised over a tomb in Notre Dame d’Amiens Cathedral, carved by Nicolas Blasset in 1636. With one hand on an hourglass and the other on a skull, the angel came to symbolize the war to Kelley and the many soldiers who visited it during WW I. He wrote about it in his letters and in 1931 when he recalled one harrowing night lying in a field near Amiens with bombs falling around him. Life is brief, death is imminent.
My reviews of The Weeping Angel can be found on Amazon, Goodreads, LibraryThings and Riffle.
Welcome, Mary!
Author Mary Kelley
Why I Wrote the Book, The Weeping Angel
“Why did I do this?” I asked myself. Isn’t it true that sometimes our motives are not even in our consciousness until after the fact, perhaps when we have had time to reflect? The reason for writing and editing The Weeping Angel, Letters and Poems from World War I France only became clear to me several months after I had finished the book and held the printed copy in my hands.
My journey began with the boxes of letters and writing that I received from my half-brother. He asked me if I wanted them and I said, “Of course.” I was eager to read all of it. When I was fifteen and my father passed away, a colleague of his at Crowell Collier Publications in New York City, sent me a list of all the articles my father had written. I had only met my father once, a few months before he died, and this gift in the form of five typewritten pages (which I still have today) was all that remained of this man I never really knew. My mother had never allowed me to contact him and only relented to that meeting after I insisted. I went down to the N.Y. Public Library Reference Department and had them pull every magazine in which his articles appeared and I spent a few days there reading each word. Now, much later in life I had another gift – these letters – so I set about putting them in chronological order and reading them. In order to understand them better and share them with my eldest half-brother, who was in his late 80’s, I would type each one out on my little MacBook. I thought it would be great for interested family members to have a transcript of his missives home during the war. I was still unaware of the deep need I had inside.
The letters were fascinating to me. He was nineteen, a recent high school graduate and young enough to be my grandson but he had an ability to convey vivid pictures of his life through his writing. As I typed, I was transported to France, seeing what he saw. I was intrigued, where was he when those letters were written? The censors wouldn’t let him say. In one letter to his father after the war, he wrote about the places where his unit had been as they worked repairing and building railroads.
About a year after first reading the letters, I made a visit to an old family friend, Bruce Prince-Joseph, in Kansas City, MO. Bruce, then in his mid-eighties, had lived with our family when I was a baby, played the organ at my wedding, and he had known my father. So, with life’s clock ticking in our thoughts, my brother (I have five half-brothers and one brother) and I went to Bruce’s house and spent three days catching up and reliving old times. I visited the World War I Museum there and received a third gift related to the father I never knew.
My father, in the 12th Engineers, became the regimental poet for the unit, a source of pride to him and his family. Several of his poems were published in the Paris edition of the New York Herald Tribune and are included in my book. But the third gift was a book written by the Commander of the 12th, which outlined every moment of the regiment’s life from the moment they arrived in London to march before the King and Queen to their journey home from France five months after Armistice Day in 1918. This book enabled me to annotate each letter with what was really happening to these soldiers as they marched from battlefield to battlefield.
Finally, at my husband’s urging, we went to Amiens, France to see the grand cathedral which my father visited on his short furloughs from the war. We saw the little Weeping Angel he wrote about in his letters and after the war for the Kansas City Star where he became a reporter.
With the printed book finally in my hand, I realized that this journey had been all about me and my father, my getting to know and feel close to him. A wonderful trip, the last gift, and truly satisfying. I am so glad I was able to tell his story “avec le livre” as he wished.
***
Thank you Mary for sharing your story with us. It resonates deeply with me as I also have a series of letters written by my paternal grandfather to my aunt and her husband during World War II. My grandfather died when I was thirteen so I knew him but his letters offered a whole new dimension into the person he was and the times in which he lived.. Truly a gift.
***
How about you? Have you come across family letters that you want to publish? What have you learned about the person and the times in which they lived?
We’d love to hear from you. Please join in the conversation below~
***
The Weeping Angel; Letters and Poems from World War I France
Genre
Memoir / Non Fiction / Historical
Paperback: 139 pages
Publisher: Willow Avenue Books (2016)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 1940244706
ISBN-13: 978-1940244709
Amazon Link
https://www.amazon.com/Weeping-Angel-Letters-Poems-France/dp/1940244706
Facebook Page
Website
http://www.hwkletters.com/
***
About The Weeping Angel
Now, on the Centennial of World War I, Kelley’s wish is realized with the publication of The Weeping Angel, his account of the war in northern France as he lived it. Told through letters and poems, Kelley writes home to his Kansas City family with vivid descriptions of day to day life on the edge of the battlefield. Enlisting right after graduation from Central High, he claims to play the bugle in order to be accepted and proves to be a talented raconteur and observer. Although he could not play the bugle and never really learned, he became the regimental poet of Company D of the Twelfth Engineers and found his true vocation as a writer.
Mary Kelley, his daughter, edited and researched this special collection of her father’s letters over the past six years. With the help of Colonel John Laird’s History of the Twelfth Engineers and research at the National WWI Museum, she has annotated the letters to show the actual path of the unit as they repaired and built light gauge railways to carry ordnance and materiel to the front lines in Cambrai, St. Mihiel and other important battlegrounds in France. Pte. Kelley and the 12th were among the first American troops in Europe and they stayed to prepare for the Occupation for months after the Armistice of November 11, 1918. He returned to Kansas City to become a reporter for the Kansas City Star and later the editor of American Magazine in New York.
Praise/Editorial Reviews
Posters in Kansas City adorned the army recruitment center: “Join up and be in France in 60 days.” Working as a soldier on the railroads in war-torn northern France during World War I, Hubert Kelley found his vocation as a poet and writer. This is the story of a boy’s journey into adulthood told through his vivid letters home written from 1917 to 1919. The Weeping Angel (L’Ange Pleureur) statue in the Amiens Cathedral came to symbolize the sadness of war to him and his fellow soldiers, and he visited it often. His poems and selected later writings are included in this volume.
“The Weeping Angel draws on one of the richest surviving collections of First World War letters to bring to life one of Uncle Sam’s most remarkable—and thoughtful—doughboys. In this compelling book, Mary Kelley restores the human story to one corner of an inhuman war. Whether they’ve read one book about the war or fifty, readers will be surprised and engaged by The Weeping Angel.”
—Christopher Capozzola, author of Uncle Sam Wants You: World War I and the Making of the Modern American Citizen
“It’s a wonderful book with so much compelling material…Kelley’s essay, ‘A Memory of Amiens,’ is extraordinary. The Weeping Angel rescues a wonderful voice from the period, as well as the story of a remarkable regiment that is too little known.”
—Steven Trout, author of On the Battlefield of Memory: The First World War and American Remembrance, 1919–1941
About Mary
Mary Kelley, editor of The Weeping Angel, is a former Broadway theater manager, non-profit arts administrator and consultant with The Field Organization, LLC. She has written in the genres of memoir and fiction. This is her first published book. She lives in Somerville MA.
***
This Week:
ANNOUNCMENT: My memoir, Ever Faithful to His Lead: My Journey Away From Emotional Abuse will be FREE on Smashwords, March 5-11 with the coupon code SFREE.
Next Week:
Monday, March 13, 2017:
“How Reading is Helping Me Write a Better Memoir”
Weeping Angel WOW Blog Tour Dates:
February 1 st @ Bring on Lemons
Launch Day Post and Giveaway
http://bringonlemons.blogspot.com/
Wednesday, February 8th @11am PST with Donna Seebo
Tune in for this live broadcast and hear an enlightening interview between radio host Donna Seebo and Mary Kelley. This is your chance to hear from Mary herself as she talks about “The Weeping Angel; Letters and Poems from World War I France”.
http://delphiinternational.com/
Friday, February 24th @ 1-2pm EST with Frankie Picasso
You won’t want to miss today’s live radio show with Frankie Picasso as listeners go back in time to World War I France as they hear from Mary Kelley and learn more about her recent book “The Weeping Angel; Letters and Poems from World War I France”.
http://toginet.com/shows/frankiesenseandmore/
Monday, March 6th with Kathleen Pooler @ Memoir Writer’s Journey
Mary Kelley stops by Kathleen Pooler’s blog, Memoir Writer’s Journey, and shares a guest post with readers. This is a great opportunity to learn more from Mary and find out about her unique book “The Weeping Angel; Letters and Poems from World War I France”.
Wednesday, March 8th @ Bring On Lemons with Michelle DelPonte
Wisconsin history buff, mother, caregiver, and autism advocate Michelle DelPonte shares her thoughts after reading Mary Kelley’s book “The Weeping Angel; Letters and Poems from World War I France”. Stop by to learn more!
http://bringonlemons.blogspot.com/
Tuesday, March 21st @ Bring On Lemons with Crystal Otto
Crystal Otto talks more about “The Weeping Angel; Letters and Poems from World War I France” in her 5 star review of this unique book by Mary Kelley. Don’t miss this blog stop!
http://bringonlemons.blogspot.com/
Tuesday, March 28th @ 5:30pm EST with Cyrus Webb
“Cyrus Webb Presents” is the place where host Cyrus Webb introduces topics and guests that matter to you and today he is chatting live with Mary Kelley about her book “The Weeping Angel; Letters and Poems from World War I France”. Don’t miss this show!
www.blogtalkradio.com/cyruswebbpresents.
Friday, March 31st with Madeline Sharples @ Choices
Author and memoirist Madeline Sharples shares her thoughts after reading “The Weeping Angel; Letters and Poems from World War I France” by Mary Kelley. This insightful review is one you won’t want to miss!
February 27, 2017
Writing the Story of My Heart: Memoir Writing Tips
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler
“The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.” Joseph Campbell
Writing the Story of My Heart
Memoir writing is both a blessing and a curse…
There I said it.
After eight years of tackling my own memoir(s), the crossroads I find myself at leaves me pondering why on earth I choose to put myself through so much angst?
It’s a love-hate relationship. I love the elements of self-discovery, transformation, healing that memoir writing brings. I hate the nagging feeling that the story is always with me 24/7 and won’t rest until I put in on the page.
Photo credit: dreamstimefree
Somewhere between love and hate there is a sweet spot where the words flow, the inner critic is banished and the story that begs to be told reveals itself to me–my journey through my son’s addiction. The story of my heart…the story that touches me on a deep level whenever I sit down to write it.
It has taken years with many periods where I have had to walk away for a bit to regain my focus and get back to my life as it is. In the moment.
I’m back…
After an eight-month hiatus where I let it “marinate” and also dealt with acclimating to home peritoneal dialysis and a fractured left wrist. Life happens.
It’s the going back that’s the hard part. Reliving the confusion and terror all over again.
I am not the same person I was back then. Rather, I am the person I am today because of these difficult life circumstances. Somewhere between the person I was and the person I’ve become is a story with lessons; a story that may help another person out of the abyss and into the light.
As much to help myself as to help others going through putting one’s life into a story that anyone else would want to read, I developed a list of tips that have helped me see my way through.
A Few Tips on Writing the Story of Your Heart:
Memoir writing is a journey that leads to unknown destinations…expect to persevere in the long haul.
Connecting with your purpose for writing will fuel your journey.
You can’t hurry the process but remaining open to where your writing will take you will speed it along.
Take it in manageable doses...stop when you need to, walk away, let it marinate. Take care of your self and your writing will take care of you. Whatever it takes. Involve yourself in another creative activity, get counseling if you need to, journal.
It will call you back when you are ready. Or not. Trust the process.
Our ability to see our project through is directly related to the level of commitment we feel about our story.
Our stories matter..and if we don’t write them, who will?
Be self-aware and know what works for you.
Some people develop a structured schedule and define a word count goal for the day or week. Others write whenever the muse strikes, which can be sporadic.
There’s no right or wrong way. How you do it is individual.
***
Life update:
We all have lives and daily demands that divert us from our writing. Sometimes that’s an excuse. Sometimes, there’s no choice but to focus on other things.
Last week, I met with the kidney transplant surgeon to discuss the possibility of a kidney transplant. After a full four hours of meeting with each member of the transplant team–doctor, nurse, social worker, dietician and financial representative, my two live donors and I went to the lab for blood work. These results and my case will be reviewed by the team at their next meeting in mid-March where a final determination will be made. My best bet is a live donor given my age and medical conditions so a lot of pieces have to come together.
The transplant surgeon gave me his “enthusiastic endorsement” to move forward, I’m open and ready for it (and a little scared) and my faith in God gives me the peace of mind that it will all work out–one way or the other as it is supposed to.
As I stand at the threshold of this life-altering event, I am filled with humility and gratitude for all the second chances at life that I’ve been given.
It is from this place of vulnerability where my precious life will be dependent upon the medical team and my Divine Healer that I will continue to write and trust that the words that flow onto the pages will reflect the true story of my heart …to share what matters and to touch others who need it the most.
Photo Credit: Google Free Images
***
How about you? Do you know the story of your heart? How did you find it? What keeps you writing?
I’d love to hear from you. Please join in the conversation below~
***
This Week:
February 2017 Newsletter: Updates, Memoir Musings, Max Moments:
“A Time of Purification”
Podcast Interview with Charlene Jones on her Soul Sciences blog.
Next Week:
Monday, 03/06/17:
“Mary Kelley on Why I Wrote the Book, “Weeping Angels”: A WOW Blog Tour”
The Weeping Angel: Letters and Poems from World War I France is Mary’s father’s account of war in northern France as he lived it through a collection of letters and poems.
February 24, 2017
Review of Memoir, Banged Up Heart by Shirley Melis: A WOW Blog Tour
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler
“Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live.” ~Norman Cousins
I am happy to participate in Shirley Melis’ WOW Women on Writing Blog Tour. Grief is an emotion we all have to face. I decided to read and review this memoir because I was intrigued by the concept of dancing after suffering the devastating loss of not one but two beloved husbands. I did take the risk to love again but I was moving away from abusive relationships, not grieving the loss of the love of my life. I had to find out how the author managed to not only survive but thrive after enduring such heartache.
First, the book:
Genre
Memoir / Non Fiction
Amazon Link
https://www.amazon.com/Banged-Up-Heart-Dancing-Love-Loss/dp/193828870X /?tag=wowwomenonwri-20
Goodreads Link
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/32145012-banged-up-heart?
About the Book:
Banged-Up Heart is an intimate and clear-eyed account of finding love late and losing it early—and of the strength it takes to fall deeply in love a second time, be forced to relinquish that love too soon, and yet choose to love again.
When her husband of thirty years dies suddenly, Shirley Melis is convinced she will never find another man like Joe. Then she meets John, a younger man who tells her during their first conversation that he has lived for many years with a rare but manageable cancer. She is swept off her feet in a whirlwind courtship, and within months, made brave by the early death of a friend’s husband, she asks him to marry her! What follows is a year-long odyssey of travel and a growing erotic and creative partnership— until a mysterious bump on John’s forehead proves to be one of several tumors in his brain and spine.
The nine months that follow are filled with a life-threatening infection, three brain surgeries, radiation, and chemotherapy. Two years and one week after their wedding, John dies at the age of fifty-nine. More than just a love story or a memoir of mourning, Banged-Up Heart comes down solidly on the side of life. It takes you deep inside an ordinary woman, her deeply felt grief butting up against her desire for more than companionship: passion, sexual fulfillment, and self-realization. It bears eloquent witness to the wild trust it takes to fall madly in love and risk profound loss—a second time. Ultimately, it shows that it is possible to dance with a banged-up heart.
About Shirley
Shirley Melis is a longtime business writer, travel writer, and newspaper columnist who traveled the world interviewing everyone from busboys to heads of international organizations before launching a career in public relations in Washington, D.C. With Banged-Up Heart, she now takes her writing in a new direction, delving deeply into her own personal story of finding love late, losing it early, and discovering the strength to choose to love again. It is a fascinating odyssey, a journey both creative and erotic as Shirley and John work lovingly together to blend their dreams—until a mysterious bump on his forehead starts them on a tragic struggle against the dark hand of fate.
A graduate of Vassar, Shirley Melis has created an intimate memoir bearing eloquent witness to the kind of wild trust that can grow in the heart of an ordinary woman thrust into circumstances that few others must face. Now retired, she lives in Galisteo, New Mexico.
My Review:
Living and loving again after a devastating loss is the main theme in Banged-Up Heart. This fast-paced memoir reads like a romance novel only with a powerful universal message for anyone who faces the loss of a beloved spouse, in this case two spouses within a span of four years. The pace slows as she reaches levels of awareness in her grief journey. There is life again after loss. I felt engaged in this story from the first page.
Melis’ writing is fluid and vivid with realistic dialogue, believable characters and a well-paced plot that kept me in suspense. The narrative is enriched with layers of introspection that connected me to my own story. Though my story is different in that I left two emotionally abusive marriages and spent years being single-again. But, the specifics don’t matter as much as the underlying message that a willingness to take a risk to love again can lead to a full and satisfying life. Melis showed me how taking a chance on love again and so soon after a loss can indeed yield positive results.
The most endearing part of this memoir for me was the author’s courage in living life to the fullest despite the risks. While her outer journey of losing two spouses in a short period of time is compelling, it was her skill in revealing her inner journey where she questions her choices and reflects on her own actions and responses that kept me turning the pages. She showed me how she “stepped out of her cocoon of grief and found joy in just being alive.”
Loss is something we all have to face eventually. For those who are engulfed in their own sea of grief, this memoir will offer hope that it is possible to move on. For others, as myself, it offered me a chance to reflect on how I will face my own grief should I lose the love of my life. At the end of the book, she offers a series of questions to further explore her theme which makes it an excellent guide for a book club discussion.
A relevant,compelling and thoroughly enjoyable read. I highly recommend it for anyone who wants to explore their own relationship to loss and grief, as well as a guide for grief support groups.
***
WOW! Blog Tour Schedule for Shirley Melis’ Banged Up Heart:
Feb 13 @ The Muffin
Interview and giveaway.
http://muffin.wow-womenonwriting.com/
Feb 14 @ Lisa Haselton
Shirley Melis is being interviewed today by Lisa Haselton. Stop at Lisa’s blog to learn more about Banged Up Heart, a non-fiction, memoir, about finding the courage and strength to love again.
http://lisahaseltonsreviewsandinterviews.blogspot.com/
Feb 15 @ Bring on Lemons with Michelle DelPonte
Michelle DelPonte shares her review of Shirley Melis’s Banged Up Heart today at Bring on Lemons. Don’t miss this exciting blog stop and book giveaway.
http://bringonlemons.blogspot.com/
Feb 16 @ Choices with Madeline Sharples
Fellow memoir writer Madeline Sharples interviews Shirley Melis about her book Banged Up Heart. Don’t miss this heart felt interview about courage and love.
Feb 17 @ Jerry Waxler
Coach and Author Jerry Waxler shares his thoughts after reading Shirley Melis’s memoir Banged Up Heart.
Feb 20 @ Bring on Lemons with Crystal Otto
Crystal J. Casavant-Otto shares her review after reading the touching and inspiring memoir Banged Up Heart by Shirley Melis.
http://bringonlemons.blogspot.com/
Feb 21 @ Deb Blanchard
Teacher Deb Blanchard gives insight into “Banged Up Heart” the touching memoir by Shirley Melis.
https://www.facebook.com/Reviews-by-Deb-1737715249887520/
Feb 22 @ Bring on Lemons with Angela Williams
Angela Williams reviews Shirley Melis’s Banged Up Heart.
http://bringonlemons.blogspot.com/
Feb 23 @ Linda Appleman Shapiro
Don’t miss today’s interview between memoirist Linda Appleman Shapiro and Shirley Melis. Find out more about Melis and her memoir Banged Up Heart.
Feb 23 @ Writer’s Pay it Forward
MC Simon interviews Shirley Melis about Banged Up Heart for readers at Writers Pay it Forward. Don’t miss this courageous memoir.
http://writerspayitforward.com/
Feb 24 @ Memoir Writers Journey with Kathleen Pooler
Kathleen Pooler shares her thoughts with readers of Memoir Writer’s Journey – find out what Pooler has to say about Shirley Melis’s memoir Banged Up Heart.
Feb 27 @ Bring on Lemons with Cathy Hansen
Educator and Entrepreneur Cathy Hansen reads and reviews Banged Up Heart by Shirley Melis. You’ll want to stop by Bring On Lemons today for your chance to learn more about this touching and encouraging memoir.
http://bringonlemons.blogspot.com/
Feb 28 @ Bring on Lemons with Cindi Ashbeck
Cindi Ashbeck shares her thoughts after reading the touching story Banged Up Heart by Shirley Melis.
http://bringonlemons.blogspot.com/
March 1 @ Bring on Lemons with Penny Harrison
Wisconsin business owner and avid reader Penny Harrison shares her thoughts and feelings about Shirley Melis’s memoir Banged Up Heart.
http://bringonlemons.blogspot.com/
March 2 @ Book Santa Fe with Tange Dudet
Avid reader and book enthusiast Tange Dudet shares her thoughts and feelings after reading the touching memoir Banged Up Heart by Shirley Melis.
March 3 @ The Constant Story with David W. Berner
Author and radio personality David W Berner reviews Shirley Melis’s book Banged Up Heart and shares his thoughts with readers at The Constant Story.
http://davidwberner.blogspot.com/
***
How about you? How do you feel about risking love again when you lose someone so dear to you?
We’d love to hear from you. Please join in the conversation below~
***
Next Week:
Monday, 2/27/17:
“Writing the Story of My Heart: Memoir Writing Tips”
February 2017 Newsletter: Updates, Memoir Musings, Max Moments:
“A Time of Purification”
February 20, 2017
A Letter to My Younger Self by Memoir Author Sherry Weathers
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler with Sherrey Weathers/@sherryweathers1
“In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of the things not meant for you.” ~Buddha
Photo Credit: Google Free Images
I am very pleased to introduce you to Memoir Author Sherry Weathers. Sherry and I met online. When I saw that she wrote a book about walking away from an abusive marriage, I had to read her story. Writing my own story of freedom from emotional abuse helped me to find meaning in my own journey and I wanted to know how Sherry found her way. While our stories are unique to us, there is a universal thread that connects us. In facing the pain and heartache, we both found our voices and our ways to the other side. Our stories matter and I am grateful to Sherry for sharing her struggles and hopes and for showing us that we are stronger than we think.
My reviews of her memoir, Taking Back My Life: A Memoir can be found on Amazon, Goodreads, LibraryThings and Riffle.
Welcome, Sherry!
Memoir Author Sherry Weathers
A Letter to My Younger Self
I want a do-over! How many of you have wished for that … to go back in time, with the caveat of course that you get to take your hard-won wisdom with you. That’s the whole purpose of do-over, right? To do it better the second time. I sort of did that, in a roundabout way …
As part of a writing assignment a few years ago, I wrote a letter to my younger self, hoping it might soften the impact of all the bumps in the road I knew she was going to encounter. I also wanted to assure her that, as bad as things might look at times, she would get through it with a equal doses of perseverance and humor, and that everything would be okay. This was the most rewarding and illuminating piece of writing I’ve ever done.
Photo Credit: Pixabay Free Image
Here’s the letter I wrote to my 28-year-old self.
Greetings, dear one…
I’ve been meaning to write for ages. There’s something about getting older that makes one reminisce about younger friends and I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately. As my bones crackle and creak more than usual, I’m reminded of how fit and trim I used to be. When I was your age I came home from work every day and swam in the apartment complex pool. Long, deliberate strokes, back and forth, back and forth, until my lungs and limbs screamed for respite. Then I stretched out on the warm concrete and enjoy half an hour of peaceful contemplation while the sun dried my body and healed a soul torn asunder by my greatest challenge at that time in my young life: divorce from a man intent on controlling me, against whom I rebelled and ultimately fled with little more than the clothes on my back. People were always telling me how brave I was, walking away from all that security and leaping into the unknown without a net. Brave, my ass! That was pure survival instinct. “ Alert! Alert! If you stay in this marriage you will suffocate and die.”
I found my voice that year. I’m grateful to you for that, even though it does get me in trouble periodically. Who knew it didn’t have an “ off” switch? You see, for reasons I’ve never fully comprehended, lots of folks are uncomfortable with people who are direct and unafraid to go against the flow. But I’ve never been very good at following the crowd. I prefer to chart my own path, walk my own journey rather than one designed for me by someone else. So I follow my own rules and am fearless when it comes to speaking my mind. Which caused my sister to ask me once “ Why do you have to always rock the boat?” I told her I came to this planet to rock the boat. What can I say? I must have been Don Quixote in another life…or think I am.
When I think of you, I am also reminded of the journey I began when I was your age. I always thought the term “ exquisite pain” was an oxymoron but going within to discover who you are and how you got there made its meaning perfectly clear to me. By the way, you never “ arrive. ” This is a journey filled with tears and laughter, an epiphany now and then, and rest stops along the way. But I’ve learned that when you get cocky because you think you finally see light at the end of the tunnel, it just might be a train.
Remember the old pearl “ Youth is wasted on the young?” It’s true. When I was your age, I was slim, agile and pretty cute, but most of the time I didn’t know whether to scratch my watch or wind my butt. Now, as I ease towards 60 – although sometimes it feels I’m heading in that direction at the speed of the Concorde – my body is sagging in places you can’t believe, my once curly red hair is mostly straight and all gray, and my arthritic knees keep me from moving as fast as my mind still thinks I can go.
At the same time, I’m wiser, more playful and more irreverent than ever, and not in the least concerned with what people think of me. I laugh at myself easily, appreciate my friends more, cherish the good moments as well as the bad ones. Life is still a tough gig…it’s just easier to negotiate when you can bring a little wisdom to the table.
The years go quickly, dear one. Don’t miss a moment. Love, laugh, learn and grow but, most importantly, strive to be happy, even in the face of adversity. And when you reach my age, I’ll be here, waiting for you. In the meantime, keep in touch…and know that I love you.
Happy writing, everybody!
***
Sherry, what a beautiful testimony to the art of graceful aging, acceptance and self-love. You have shared many pearls of wisdom gleaned from your own trials and challenges. It makes me realize we are the women we are today because of these trials. I love your advice to your younger self to “strive to be happy even in the face of adversity”. Thank you!
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About the Taking Back My Life, A Memoir:
When Sherry marries and moves to a small town in East Tennessee, she is madly in love and excited about starting her new life with her handsome new husband. Her happiness is soon shattered when he reveals himself to be a controlling tyrant with a hair trigger temper. With no job, no money, and no place to go, she feels powerless, trapped in a marriage she now believes is doomed. Feeling she has no other option, she finds a job in her new town and settles into married life. In the years that follow, Sherry’s work, new friendships and the burgeoning women’s movement help her find her voice. Guided by a new-found strength and a deepening sense of self, she challenges her husband’s rigid control of her. Up until that time, his abuse had been emotional and psychological, but a night of physical violence leaves her battered and bruised. Her spirit nearly broken, she struggles to find the courage to give up everything for freedom and an uncertain future.
About the Author
Sherry Weathers is a devout feminist, cancer survivor and co-founder of the Cincinnati chapter of a non-profit that provides services for people dealing with cancer. After retiring from the University of Cincinnati College of Medicine, she returned to her hometown of Knoxville, TN. Sherry loves being back home, living life at her own pace, spending time with her close-knit family, reconnecting with long-time friends and writing full-time. This is her first book. She is working on the final draft of her second book.
Contact Information:
Twitter @sherryweathers1
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How about you? Have you thought about what you would like to say to your younger self?
We’d love to hear from you. Please join in the conversation below~
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This Week:
Friday, 2/24/17:
“Review of Banged Up Heart, A Memoir by Shirley Melis: A WOW Blog Tour”
Banged-Up Heart: Dancing with Love and Loss is an intimate and clear-eyed account of learning to live again after a devastating loss.
Next Week:
Monday, 2/27/17:
“Writing the Story of My Heart: Memoir Writing Tips”
February 2017 Newsletter: Updates, Memoir Musings and Max Moments
” A Time of Purification”
February 13, 2017
Solitude Along a Busy Highway: A Memoir Moment
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler
“Solitude is the place for purification.” ~ Martin Buber, Brainy Quotes
Photo Credit: Free Google Images
Solitude Along a Busy Highway
Life is full of all sorts of detours and diversions.
We can all benefit from finding some solitude along the busy highway of life to refresh and renew ourselves.
And for anyone tackling the hard work of writing a memoir, I find it is essential.
For the past twenty years, I have attended an annual women’s spiritual retreat at The Dominican Retreat and Conference Center (DRCC) in our area which promises “Solitude along a busy highway”.
It’s part of my toolkit for recapturing serenity, strengthening spirituality and finding enrichment in my life. And I admit, all have been challenged of late.
The DRCC has become my sacred ground where I step away from the daily grind and open myself up to reflecting on my life and nurturing and healing my spirit.
Unplugging from the internet and mass media was my greatest need.
The Center is staffed by Dominican Sisters, other religious and lay people. The retreat I attended was a Women’s Theme Weekend, meaning we reflected upon a scriptural passage and made it relevant for our personal lives. Our retreat leader was Sr. Teresa Tuite, a Dominican Sister of Peace who is Director at the School of Adult Faith Formation & Ministry to the Sick and Bereaved at St. Brigid of Kildare Parish in Dublin, Ohio. She holds a Masters in Pastoral Studies and a Doctor of Ministry degree.
This quiet, unassuming and wise woman touched us all deeply with her simple, yet powerful message about the power of our faith and the power of our voices in proclaiming this faith.
The theme of this weekend was:
“What do you want me to do for you?” (Mark 10:51)
We reflected on the story of Bartimaeus, who trusting that Jesus could heal his blindness, cried out to him despite the crowd trying to silence him. And he was healed.
We reflected on these questions:
What is the darkness or blindness in you today?
What are the voices demanding that you be silent?
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In between conference sessions, we had free time for rest, prayer, chair or foot massages. I had a chair massage then enjoyed an hour-long nap!
The optional session, “Self-Awareness”, piqued my interest especially when the Rob Bell video, “Name” proclaimed:
“The oxygen of spiritual life is self-awareness” (Andy Otto)
“Embrace and claim your story, your history. We need to be saved from all the times we lost our true self.”
“Examine, uncover, discover”
Our session leader then walked us through a self-awareness exercise from Taking the Exercises to the World by E.Tomas where we explored the following steps :
Figure out your strong points,your gifts and talents and your weaknesses/”growing edges”.
Identify your good and bad habits
Make a list of the things you like and dislike
Make a list of what motivates you—gives you life or doesn’t
Write down your core values.
What matters or is relevant in your life right now?
Ask for feedback. Only do this if you feel comfortable and you should ask for feedback from people whom you trust.
She invited us to peruse a table of cards by artists Magdalen Daniels, Rebecca Lee and Diane Tyrell and choose the ones that drew us in:
The Journey
Take time to rest and soak in the moment
The Dance of Freedom
As a memoir writer. I couldn’t help but correlate the above questions to memoir writing. It is a self-discovery process as you uncover new feelings and perceptions along the way. It helps you make meaning of the events in your life and helps you to see how you have changed. And, of course, getting feedback from people you trust with your story is essential.
Yes, memoir writing is the ultimate exercise in self-awareness.
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We had several prayer services in the beautiful chapel.
We wrote what we wanted Jesus to do for us on small pieces of paper and placed them on the altar…
then were asked:
What is your special light?
Where will you let the adventure take you to discover your special light?
“We are gifted in a unique and important way. It is our privilege and our adventure to discover our own special light.” (Mary Dunbar).
We gathered in the dining room for delicious, healthy meals, shared our stories in the alcoves and meeting rooms, laughed, cried, sang. After a spirit-filled Mass on Sunday, we hugged each other goodbye.
Uplifted. Lighter.
What better way to celebrate Valentine’s Week than to give yourself the gift of finding solitude along a busy highway?
It is a gift of self-love.
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How about you? How do you nurture your spirit for the long haul of life? How do you step away from the busy highway to find peace and serenity?
I’d love to hear from you. Please join in the conversation below~
Next Week:
Monday, 2/20/17:
“A Letter to My Younger Self by Memoir Author Sherry Weathers”
Sherry is the author of Taking Back My Life, a memoir about freedom from domestic abuse.
