Kathleen Pooler's Blog, page 19
April 2, 2018
Ashes in the Ocean WOW Book Tour with Memoir Author Sebastian Slovin
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler with Sebastian Slovin @Sebastian Slovin
Welcome to Sebastian Slovin’s WOW Book Tour for his powerful memoir, Ashes in the Ocean: A Son’s Story of Living Through and Learning From His Father’s Suicide. For those who have lost a loved one to suicide, this memoir will offer hope and solace. For those who have been fortunate enough to not encounter such a loss, it will open your eyes to the depth of the loss. In either case, the pathway to healing that Sebastian offers will serve as an inspiration to all.
Book Synopsis:
Paperback: 200 pages
Genre: Memoir
Publisher: Nature Unplugged (March 2018)
ISBN-10: 978-0-692-05119-1
ISBN-13:
Vernon Slovin was a legend. He was one of the best swimmers in his home country of South Africa, and for a time in the world. He prided himself on being the best. The best in sports,business, and life. He had it all, a big home, athletic prestige, fancy clothes and cars, and a beautiful wife and family. Everything was going his way until it all came tumbling down. He lost everything, including his own life. In the wake of his suicide he left his wife and two young children.
In this riveting memoir, Vernon’s son, Sebastian Slovin chronicles his experience of living in the shadow of a suicide, and his journey out of the darkness and into the light. Slovin shares his quest to uncover why his father took his own life. A pilgrimage that led him around the world and eventually back to himself.
Ashes in the Ocean is a powerful story about facing one’s fears and choosing a different path.
My Review:
Ashes in the Ocean is a poignant story of the loss of Sebastian Slovin’s father to suicide. With unflinching honesty, Slovin demonstrates the impact suicide has on a person, particularly a son.
Through deep introspection, Slovin explores why his father chose suicide and reveals his own tendency toward suicidal thoughts, at one point believing that he is destined for the same fate. By facing the truth and researching his own fears, he shows his bravery and courage. It is through this grueling soul-searching process that the reader witnesses Slovin’s transformation and healing from a place of darkness to a place of wholeness. He touches upon every emotion of living, loving and healing in the aftermath of a devastating loss.
His writing is engaging and flows seamlessly through his many stages of grief and healing.
This memoir is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the power we all have within to heal from grief and loss. I highly recommend it to anyone who has lost a loved one to suicide, to anyone who works in the mental health field or to anyone who wants to understand the dynamics of suicide and the impact on loved ones.
About the Author:
Since he can remember, nature has been a central part of Sebastian’s life. He was fortunate to grow up in the beach community of La Jolla, California, and spent his childhood mixing it up in the ocean. As a young boy, he lost his father to suicide, which would later deeply inspire his path in life. As a young adult, he had the opportunity to travel extensively and experience many of the world’s great surf spots as a professional body boarder. Through his travel, Sebastian developed a deep love and appreciation for our natural world, and at the same time was drawn to the practice of yoga. His love for yoga led him to study at Prana Yoga Center in La Jolla, California, and his passion for nature eventually led him to pursue a BA in Environment and Natural Resource Conservation at San Diego State University. He also holds an MA in Leadership Studies from the University of San Diego.
He lives with his wife Sonya in Encinitas, California. He and Sonya have a business called Nature Unplugged, which focuses on cultivating wellness through healthier relationships with technology and a deeper connection to nature. When he is not writing or working on Nature Unplugged, Sebastian enjoys swimming, bodysurfing, surfing, and stand-up paddling (pretty much all things) in the wild Pacific Ocean.
Find Sebastian Online:
Website: www.sebastianslovin.com
Amazon Author Profile: https://www.amazon.com/Sebastian-Slovin/e/B078XN8XZL
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SebastianSlovinAuthor/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/sebastianslovin
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WOW Tour Dates:
Monday, March 26th @ The Muffin
Join us at the Muffin for an author interview and book giveaway for the inspirational memoir by Sebastian Slovin, Ashes in the Ocean; A son’s story of living through and learning from his father’s suicide.
http://muffin.wow-womenonwriting.com/
Tuesday, March 27th @ Book Santa Fe with Dawn Farnsworth
Join readers at Book Santa Fe as they hear from Dawn Farnsworth while she reviews Sebastian Slovin’s touching memoir, Ashes in the Ocean; A son’s story of living through and learning from his father’s suicide.
http://www.booksantafe.info/booksantafeblog/category/book-blog
Wednesday, March 28th @ Choices with Madeline Sharples
Fellow suicide survivor Madeline Sharples reviews Sebastian Slovin’s memoir, Ashes in the Ocean; A son’s story of living through and learning from his father’s suicide.
Thursday, March 29th @ Bring on Lemons with Alison Taylor
Wisconsin educator and mother, Alison Taylor reviews Sebastian Slovin’s moving memoir, Ashes in the Ocean; A son’s story of living through and learning from his father’s suicide.
http://bringonlemons.blogspot.com/
Friday, March 30th @ Our Side of Suicide
Sebastian Slovin pens today’s guest post “The Stigma of Suicide” at Our Side of Suicide. Stop by and learn more about Slovin’s personal and touching memoir, Ashes in the Ocean; A son’s story of living through and learning from his father’s suicide.
http://www.oursideofsuicide.com/
Monday, April 2nd @ Jerry Waxler
Jerry Waxler, fellow memoirist, reviews Sebastian Slovin’s deeply touching memoir, Ashes in the Ocean; A son’s story of living through and learning from his father’s suicide.
Monday, April 2nd @ Memoir Writer’s Journey with Kathleen Pooler
Kathleen Pooler shares her thoughts with readers at Memoir Writer’s Journey as she reviews Sebastian Slovin’s moving and inspiring memoir, Ashes in the Ocean; A son’s story of living through and learning from his father’s suicide.
Tuesday, April 3rd @ Bella Donnas Books with Dawn Thomas
Dawn Thomas reviews Ashes in the Ocean; A son’s story of living through and learning from his father’s suicide for readers at Bella Donnas Books.
Wednesday, April 4th @ Bring on Lemons with Michelle DelPonte
Wisconsin mother and autism advocate Michelle DelPonte was eager to read Sebastian Slovin’s touching and inspirational memoir. Stop at Bring on Lemons as Michelle shares her thoughts after reading Ashes in the Ocean; A son’s story of living through and learning from his father’s suicide.
http://bringonlemons.blogspot.com/
Thursday, April 5th @ World of My Imagination with Nicole Pyles
Nicole Pyles reviews Ashes in the Ocean; A son’s story of living through and learning from his father’s suicide and shares her thoughts with readers at World of My Imagination. Learn more about this touching memoir and it’s author Sebastian Slovin.
http://theworldofmyimagination.blogspot.com/
Friday, April 6th @To Write or Not to Write
Sreevarsha Sreejith reviews Ashes in the Ocean; A son’s story of living through and learning from his father’s suicide.Don’t miss this opportunity to hear from Sreevarsha and visit To Write or Not to Write.
http://sreevarshasreejith.blogspot.co.at/
Friday, April 6th @ Bring On Lemons with Crystal Casavant-Otto
Crystal J. Casavant-Otto reviews Sebastian Slovin’s memoir Ashes in the Ocean; A son’s story of living through and learning from his father’s suicide.
Monday, April 9th @ Finished Pages with Renee Roberson
Fellow author Renee Roberson reviews Sebastian Slovin’s memoior Ashes in the Ocean; A son’s story of living through and learning from his father’s suicide.
Tuesday, April 10th @ Book Reviews by Deb with Deborah Blanchard
Deb shares her thoughts with her readers after reading Sebastian Slovin’s memoir Ashes in the Ocean; A son’s story of living through and learning from his father’s suicide.
https://www.facebook.com/Reviews-by-Deb-1737715249887520/
Wednesday, April 11th @ Write Happy with Catherine Brown
Catherine Brown reviews Sebastian Slovin’s touching and empowering memoir for readers at Write Happy. Don’t miss this opportunity learn more about Ashes in the Ocean; A son’s story of living through and learning from his father’s suicide.
https://www.writehappy.net/blog
Thursday, April 12th @ Ingenious Opinion
Varnika Jain reviews Sebastian Slovin’s Memoir Ashes in the Ocean for readers at Ingenious Opinion. Don’t miss this blog stop!
https://ingeniousopinion.wordpress.com/category/all-things-books/
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Thank you, Sebastian for bravely telling your story of such a devastating loss. In sharing your own pathway to healing you have provided others who have suffered a similar loss hope and direction to move on in their lives.
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Next Week:
Monday, 4/9/18:
“Lessons From Revising My Memoir”
March 26, 2018
Why Memoir Writing Is My Spiritual Practice: A Reflection
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler
“Writing can be a true spiritual discipline. Writing can help us to concentrate, to get in touch with the deeper stirrings of our hearts, to clarify our minds, to process confusing emotions, to reflect on our experiences, to give artistic expression to what we are living, and to store significant events in our memories. Writing can also be good for others who might read what we write. Spiritual Writer Henri Nouwen~
Photo Credit: Pixabay Free Image
Why Memoir Writing Is My Spiritual Practice
As a practicing Roman Catholic, I find a great deal of comfort and meaning in following the precepts and rituals of my faith. For me, religion and spirituality are intertwined. But spirituality reaches beyond the bounds of a religious practice.
Spirituality is a universal human experience, a basic need, that includes a sense of connection to something bigger than ourselves and involves a search for meaning in life.
We are all spiritual beings in need of a purpose, often found by getting in touch with our own creativity.
According to author Anne LaMott, “creative expression, whether that means writing, dancing, bird-watching, or cooking, can give a person almost everything that he or she has been searching for: enlivenment, peace, meaning, and the incalculable wealth of time spent quietly in beauty.”
How do we meet our spiritual needs and what is a spiritual practice?
By definition (Wikipedia), “a spiritual practice is the regular or full-time performance of actions and activities undertaken for the purpose of cultivating spiritual development.”
Memoir writing has become a spiritual practice for me over the past nine years.
*It forces me to step back from the busy-ness of life and explore my thoughts and feelings.
*It connects me to other people and ideas and helps me clarify where I’ve been, who I’ve become and where I want to go.
*It brings me closer to my Higher Power whom I call God and guides me in my day-to-day life.
*It gives me the strength and insight to keep digging to the core to find the buried treasures of my life, increasing my self-awareness.
*It helps me balance what’s going on in my head with how I am experiencing my life in the present. Getting my thoughts down on paper/computer clears the path.
*It gives me a sense of fulfillment and purpose.
***
As I finish up this current round of edits for my work-in-progress memoir, Daring to Hope: A Mother’s Story About Healing From Cancer and Her Son’s Alcohol Addiction, the words of Pat Schneider, author of Writing as a Spiritual Practice: How the Light Gets In resonate:
“Writing can be a spiritual practice. To write about what is painful is to begin the work of healing. To write the red of a tomato before it is mixed into beans for chili is a form of praise. To write an image of a child caught in war is confession or petition or requiem. To write grief onto a page of lined paper until tears blur the ink is often the surest access to giving or receiving forgiveness. To write a comic scene is grace and beatitude. To write irony is to seek justice. To write admission of failure is humility. To be in an attitude of praise or thanksgiving, to rage against God, or to open one’s inner self and listen, is prayer. To write tragedy and allow comedy to arise between the lines is miracle and revelation.”
Book Synopsis:
“When I begin to write, I open myself and wait. And when I turn toward an inner spiritual awareness, I open myself and wait.” With that insight, Pat Schneider invites readers to contemplate their lives and deepest questions through writing. In seventeen concise thematic chapters that include meditations on topics such as fear, freedom, tradition in writing and in religions, forgiveness, joy, social justice, and death, How the Light Gets In gracefully guides readers through the artistic and spiritual questions that life offers to everyone.
As Schneider writes, “All of us live in relation to mystery, and becoming conscious of that relationship can be a beginning point for a spiritual practice–whether we experience mystery in nature, in ecstatic love, in the eyes of our children, our friends, the animals we love, or in more strange experiences of intuition, synchronicity, or prescience.”
My Review:
Schneider dives deeply into her own painful memories of being abandoned by her mother and sent to an orphanage at the age of eleven, using W.H. Auden’s quote “ Follow poet, follow, right to the bottom of the night.” For each memory that arises, she asks, “what’s underneath it?” In showing us her pathway to transformation, she provides us with a valuable guide in exploring our own life issues.
It’s a deeply engaging and relevant read and I highly recommend it for anyone who wishes to explore their life and write about it.
Here are a few select resources for exploring writing as a spiritual practice:
“Writing as a Spiritual Practice” by Pat Schneider at Huff Post blog
“Writing as Spiritual Practice: How Transformative Writing Can Help Us Heal Our Wounds” by Mark Matousek on Garrison Institute blog
“Writing as a Spiritual Practice” by Ryan J. Pelton on The Writing Cooperative blog
Photo Credit: Pixabay Free Image
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How about you? Does writing help you nurture your spirituality and creativity? Do you feel writing is a spiritual practice? If so, how so?
I’d love to hear from you. Please join in the conversation below~
***
This Week:
March 2018 Newsletter: Updates, Memoir Musings, Max Moments:
” Finding Hope ”
Next Week:
Monday, 4/2/18:
“Ashes in the Ocean WOW Book Tour with Sebastian Slovin”
Sebastian is the author of a Ashes in the Ocean, a memoir about surviving and learning from the suicide of his father.
March 19, 2018
Emergence From The Land of Loss: The Sacred Art of Grieving by Author Lisa Irish
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler with Lisa Irish/@lisairishlight
“You have to grow from the inside out. None can teach you, none can make you spiritual. There is no other teacher but your own soul.” ~Vivekananda, a Hindu mystic
Photo Credit: dreamstimefree
I am happy to feature my IWWG sister, Lisa Irish in this guest post about her new book, Grieving -The Sacred Art: Hope in the Land of Loss, due to be published on April 3, 2018 by Skylight Paths. Lisa and I first met in a memoir writing workshop at an IWWG summer conference several years ago and shared an immediate bond, sharing hope through our stories. Today she will explore how her own journey through the Land of Loss “led her home”.
Welcome, Lisa!
Author Lisa Irish
Emergence From the Land of Loss: The Sacred Art of Grieving
I had a memory yesterday.
It tiptoed passed the have-to-dos,
slid passed the want-to-dos,
and landed here.
Right here,
in the space that I am occupying in this present moment.
Uncertain images filled my vision –
lights and shadows, mostly.
Warmth expanded through my body,
my thoughts calmed.
I saw smiles,
a golden glow threaded its way into my heart.
I was remembering.
I do not have a clear catalogue of memories, instead I hold tightly to very few that have been told and retold. New memories rarely appear, but when they do, I receive them as gift. They arrive as sensations or emotions, often without distinct storylines. Trauma came into my life when I was eighteen months old. To survive, the memories were set aside, the connections with my childhood frayed and faded away.
***
When I started out as a writer, I was ready to step into memoir. I attended the International Women’s Writing Guild conference and entered the magical world of self-expression. Other conferences, writing classes and a creative journaling practice helped me believe that I was a writer. The fire within called out: Write your story! Everything in me focused on that call, it was a thirst I could not quench. The commitment to writing memoir was interrupted, I thought, when I received a contract to write a self-help book, Grieving – the Sacred Art: Hope in the Land of Loss. But the first, second and third drafts were written from a deep place of knowing, of remembering what loss and grief feel like. “The book wrote me,” a friend suggested and this process stirred up my memories, some long forgotten. The paths through the Land of Loss led me home.
I share all of this with you, dear readers, because as memoirists we rely on these “shimmering images,” as Lisa Dale Norton calls them. We may describe the events of our lives with detail and shading, but our truth is heard through the heartbeat of these selected images. We write and work out the narrative, while the essence of our story speaks, revealing insight and healing. The moment of warmth and love that enveloped me in yesterday’s flood of sensations, came from a deep place I’ve protected all of these years. The memories were not lost, they were there…waiting…for me to return to them.
Memories play an interesting role for grievers, as well. Sometimes they are painful – the table where she sat with her husband every night screams of his absence and she is unable to savor their favorite time of day. Sometimes grievers cling to their memories with clenched hands, fearful of forgetting the sound of her voice or his passion for football. For some, memories become faint or distant. They are pushed out of daily life, sometimes intentionally, other times unconsciously. There is a consequence, though, if we avoid the difficult images. We are complex beings. We cannot send painful memories to the land of not-remembering and selectively retain the sweet, happier moments with a loved one. If a mother avoids everything that is a reminder of her daughter’s death, for example, she may pack away the tender moments of her daughter’s life. Grievers, and all of us, benefit from experiencing all of our memories and feeling all of our feelings. Our memories hold the depths of who we are, as well as the connection we have with others. They set the scene of our personal narrative and reveal the path we are to travel in the Land of Loss.
I was recently asked about my work in loss and grief, “What drew you to bereavement ministry, Lisa?” Well, I answered, my story began with a series of losses that I’ve spent a lifetime trying to understand. And, I continued, the opportunity for this ministry was placed before me during my work as a hospital chaplain, it just was a good fit. But, as I reflect further, dear readers, I realize that the great gift I receive when I support those who are grieving is to witness their vulnerability. Their pain has stripped away their defenses, their hearts are broken. Loss has demanded that they return to the core of who they are, as they learn to reshape their lives.
Isn’t that our quest in memoir? Aren’t we seeking the core, the essence, the truth of who we are? Grievers, writers, and perhaps all human beings are called to search our inner landscape. Loss demands this journey. Those of us who write memoir have a bit more detachment, but we too are compelled to travel inward, to experience our vulnerability. I would suggest that is our gift to the world, as we bravely explore our story. Our process shines a light on the path of self-awareness and invites that same consciousness to those around us.
Memoir, at its best, reveals the grace embedded in the human story. Each memory, long held or newly emerged, is a doorway to healing and hope.
Photo Credit: Flickr Creative Commons
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Thank you, Lisa for sharing your spiritual journey through your own Land of Loss to healing and hope. Your words shed a healing light on grief and its power to transform us. My favorite lines are: “ Memoir, at its best, reveals the grace embedded in the human story. Each memory, long held or newly emerged, is a doorway to healing and hope.” You have inspired me to write about why writing is my spiritual practice which I will post next week.
I’m looking forward to reading Grieving-The Sacred Art (preordered!).
***
Book Synopsis:
For most people, the pain of loss dominates their experience of grief. Grief then becomes something to be avoided or completed as quickly as possible. In her new book, Lisa Irish presents grief as our “ally” in the Land of Loss and offers pathways and resources to navigate the confusing and challenging terrain. She explores “conscious grieving,” as she gathers the wisdom of bereavement experts, spiritual leaders and everyday people walking their own individual paths. Lisa encourages us to let seeds of hope find their way into our grieving hearts, to allow self-compassion during the journey, and to trust grief’s healing process. Grieving – The Sacred Art makes a space for love in our sadness and leads us into a Land of Hope.
Endorsements and Praise:
“Lisa Irish shows us that grief is our ally in the Land of Loss, and indeed her book becomes our ally as well. Her insightful study and creative descriptions of grieving tap into our own experiences of loss. The roadmap is wise, but sensitive – grounded in hope – and reminds us to rest in God’s healing love.” ~Richard Rohr, OFM, The Center for Action and Contemplation
“There is a path from darkness into light. It is long and lonely. Lisa Irish has assembled a community of companions for this journey whose wisdom and whispers of encouragement lift the most broken among us. This book is a hand stretched out, an arm around the shoulder—it is tender, strong, reliable. Of all the books on grief, this is the one I would offer to a fellow soul on that bewildering journey through loss.” ~Jan Phillips, author No Ordinary Time
“A beautiful work of the heart. Lisa Irish speaks not only from a professional knowledge of loss, but from her own lived experience. Her exercises, meditations and rituals offer valuable counsel, and her understanding of the vulnerability of the journey is key. “The heart initially begs for certainty,” she tells us, then goes on to show how the pathway through loss evolves, opening the door to a greater love that we may each find in our own way and time.” ~Paula D’Arcy, author of Gift of the Red Bird and Stars at Night.
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Author Bio:
Lisa Irish, MEd, MA has been offering retreats and presentations for over twenty-five years. As the bereavement coordinator for Yale-New Haven Hospital and the Hospital of St Raphael in New Haven, CT, she ministered to grieving individuals, groups and community organizations. A chaplain and spiritual director, Lisa’s writing creates connection and insight for her readers. Her work has been published by Abbey Press in the Elf-help book, Grieving with a Grateful Heart and several CareNotes; Open to Hope, an online grief forum.
Author Contact Information:
Website/Blog: www.lisairish.com
Twitter @lisairishlight
Facebook:Lisa Irish
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How about you? Do Lisa’s words help you see grief in a new way? Do you feel grief can be a pathway to healing?
We’d love to hear from you. Please join in the conversation below~
***
Next Week:
Monday, 3/26/18:
“Why Memoir Writing is My Spiritual Practice: A Reflection”
March 2018 Newsletter: Updates, Memoir Musings and Max Moments:
” Finding Hope ”
If you are interested in receiving this monthly newsletter in your inbox, please sign up in the right side bar. I’d love to have you along!
March 12, 2018
Mundane Details Matter: A Memoir Moment
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler
“It’s the little details that are vital. Little things make big things happen.” ~John Wooden
Mundane Details Matter: A Memoir Moment
How many times have you as a memoir writer thought or said, “who would ever want to read my story? It’s not exciting enough”?
When you’re writing a memoir, it’s the mundane details that will capture the essence of your experience so the reader can connect on an emotional level with your story.
Mundane details matter in bringing a scene and character alive, making it feel real and believable to the reader.
I’ve been thinking a lot about my father lately. He’s been gone since 2010 but he is always with me. It ‘s the little things I remember, the wrinkles in his aging but sturdy hands, his endearing chortle, his calm, steadying manner, except at his grandkid’s sports games where one of us had to stifle him before he offended another parent in the stand!
Dad and I in 2003
Dad showed up in Ever Faithful to His Lead: My Journey Away From Emotional Abuse as the anchor that helped me find my way to freedom. He shows up in my current WIP memoir, Daring to Hope: A Mother’s Journey to Healing From Cancer and Her Son’s Alcohol Addiction. He’ll most likely show up in other writing projects I pursue because he is so much a part of my story and the woman I’ve become.
I can tell you how much he meant to me but hopefully this vignette of mundane details will show you. I’ll let you decide if these mundane details matter. The original version of this story was posted on my blog in 2011 a few months after his death.
***
Have “Blogs” , Will Travel
Over the past few years as Dad grew more frail, it became important for him to have just the right shoes to support his frail, wobbly legs. When my husband Wayne and I visited my parents from out of town, Wayne would take Dad on little adventures around town: the hardware store to find a fixture for the bathroom, Wegman’s to buy lottery tickets and have a cup of coffee or his favorite, a trip to Tallman’s, a local shoe store.
One day I accompanied them to Tallman’s. Dad perused the shelves carefully. Walking slowly down the aisles, every once in a while he stopped to pick up a shoe and examine it at varying angles. During this shopping trip, he came across a table with rubber shoes(Crocs) in a variety of colors. I can see him now, adjusting his glasses and holding the shoe in front of him as he raised his eyebrows and nodded. He looked over at me standing by the counter and said,
“These are different. Never saw anything like them before. They look comfortable.”
Sitting down on a nearby bench, he untied his sneakers and slipped his foot into a tan shoe he had picked up. Liking the feel, he tried them both on and walked around. Pretty soon he met Wayne and I at the checkout counter to pay for his new find. He dubbed them his “blogs” and they became the rage. He wore them as much as he could get away with wearing them–to Wegman’s to buy lottery tickets, to the family cottage on Keuka Lake, in the house. He even wore them when he took a nap in his recliner, often remarking how comfortable they were. I can still see him napping peacefully in his chair with his tan “blogs” peeking out from under the multicolored afghan that enveloped him.
***
These sweet memories of mundane details console me. My Dad has been gone for nearly eight years now and I miss him more every day. When I write these little details about him, it makes me feel like he is still with me. I am back at Tallman’s waiting for him to pay for his shoes, or sitting at Wegman’s having a cup of coffee with him.
On December 4, 2010, he was buried in his tan “blogs” and I feel certain he found his way home…
***
How about you? Tell me, do these mundane details matter? Do they tell a story worth reading? And you can be honest!
I’d love to hear from you. Please join in the conversation below~
***
Next Week:
Monday, 3/19/18:
“Emergence From the Land of Loss: The Sacred Art of Grieving by Author Lisa Irish”
Lisa’s upcoming book, Grieving-The Sacred Art: Hope in the Land of Loss is due to be published on April 3. 2108 by Skylight Path. It’s available for preorder here.
March 5, 2018
The Novel and the Memoir: Two Paths to Truth by Author David Z. Hirsch
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler with David Z. Hirsch
“The core of my writing is not art but truth.”~ Philip K. Dick, Picture Quotes.com
Photo Credit: www.elizabethchannels.com”Your Path to Truth”
Many memoir writers turn to fiction for reasons related to valid legal concerns and worries over the impact the story will have on real-life relationships. I am very pleased to feature author David Z. Hirsch in this guest post about why he chose to tell his story as fiction rather than as a memoir. David is the author of Didn’t Get Frazzled, a provocative and humorous novel about four years in the life of an intrepid young medical student, set in the grueling world of an elite NYC medical school. When I read it, I felt it could have been a memoir for how real it seemed.
My reviews can be found on Amazon, Goodreads, LibraryThings and RiffleBooks.
Welcome, David!
Author David Z. Hirsch
The Novel and the Memoir: Two Paths to Truth
When Kathy offered me a guest post spot, I initially hesitated. Her guests examine memoir writing, and as a novelist, I wasn’t sure what I could bring to the discussion. But the more I considered it, the more I realized our experiences aren’t all that dissimilar.
To write Didn’t Get Frazzled, I had to recall my ordeal with medical school. Medical training had forced me to question my idealistic misconceptions of what it meant to be a doctor and tested how much of myself I was willing to abandon in order to be successful in such a surreal and stressful environment. This is an overwhelming circumstance for a young man just out of college, still unsure of his place in the world, still clinging to his collegiate sense of moral certainty.
Writing the book as a novel further complicated matters. A canon of literature exists for memoirs about medical training, but novels in this genre are rare. This created a conundrum for some skeptical reviewers as well:
“The author…is a doctor, and that made me puzzle a lot of the time over how much was true and how much of this story was made up.”
“Is this novel an autobiography? Probably not. Readers may be tempted to think so.”
One reviewer even docked me a star because she considered a scene too fictional:
“4 stars because of gyn part, that can’t be true.”
[image error]
Photo Credit: iStockphoto “Truth”
The gyn part isn’t true. None of it is. That’s why it’s novel. And yet, the book overflows with truths. Much like memoir writers, I strove to find deeper meaning in what was, for me, a traumatic experience. Writing is therapeutic. You cannot heal until you understand (and forgive) yourself. The only way to do this is to obtain a level of insight that is guaranteed to make you uncomfortable.
I have found no better way to compel honest introspection than to put fingertips to keyboard. But the result is often too raw, too explicit, too revealing. I could never have written Didn’t Get Frazzled as memoir, not if I ever wanted my words to see the light of day.
So I used fiction is a defense mechanism, a way to put distance between myself and my story. There are other advantages to fiction. Creating tension and keeping the story compelling is much easier when you can fabricate the details or devise any character you need for the scene. An interesting side effect emerged, one I harnessed whenever possible. By subverting reality, I found a way to mine a deeper truth. And herein lies the beauty of using fiction to expose fact.
I kept a journal during medical school, filling more than two notebooks with thoughts and ideas. I unearthed them many years later and wound up using almost nothing in them to write the novel. Still, the notebooks weren’t entirely useless. My words transported me to the emotional depths of the time – my frustrations, my fears, my flashes of success in the terrible crush of inadequacy – and I absorbed this in my writing. The scenes may be fictional, but I retained an emotional authenticity that many readers who have been through similar circumstances could recognize.
And by the way, the “gyn part” referred to above, is the scene were the instructor uses her own body as a model to have the medical students perform a gynecological exam. If you find that shocking and maybe a bit absurd, I agree with you, but that was the one part of the scene that was actually true. I don’t know if any medical schools still do this, but I hope they do. If you want to teach medical students to respect the women on which they perform gynecological exams, you can’t do much better than to have the instructor also serve as the model.
After two years of writing under a pen name, I am finally ready to come out of the shadows and publish under my own name. My second book is Jake, Lucid Dreamer, a middle grade novel that uses the genre of magical realism to explore healing after the loss of a parent. Like my first novel, this one hits close to home. Also, like my first novel, none of it is true. Yet on a more meaningful level, maybe all of it is. The most revealing fiction extends down that narrow fissure between authenticity and fact. If you look closely enough, you will find me there. Typing away.
***
Thank you, David, for describing your writing journey so eloquently and honestly. You captured your own truth in a fictitious story that is both thought-provoking and entertaining and have shown us how to “find a way to mine deeper truths” through fiction. Thank you!
***
Author Bio:
After graduating from Wesleyan University, David obtained his medical degree at New York University School of Medicine and trained in the primary care internal medicine program at Johns Hopkins Bayview Medical Center. Writing nights and weekends, he published the award-winning #1 Amazon bestselling novel Didn’t Get Frazzled, a work of humorous medical fiction for adults, under the pen name David Z Hirsch.
From there, David turned to children’s literature to pursue the themes of family, friendship and the magic of childhood that continue to inspire him. Jake, Lucid Dreamer is his first middle grade novel.
When he’s not writing, David toils in the front lines of primary care, battling scourges like diabetes, heart disease, and insurance companies, although probably not in that order. He lives in Maryland with his wife and two sons.
Author Contact Information:
Web site: http://DavidZHirsch.wordpress.com
Amazon author page: https://www.amazon.com/author/davidzhirsch
Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/29748682-didn-t-get-frazzled
Didn’t Get Frazzled Synopsis:
Medical student Seth Levine faces escalating stress and gallows humor as he struggles with the collapse of his romantic relationships and all preconceived notions of what it means to be a doctor. It doesn’t take long before he realizes not getting frazzled is the least of his problems.
Seth encounters a student so arrogant he boasts that he’ll eat any cadaver part he can’t name, an instructor so dedicated she tests the student’s ability to perform a gynecological exam on herself, and a woman so captivating that Seth will do whatever it takes to make her laugh, including regale her with a story about a diagnostic squabble over an erection.
Didn’t Get Frazzled captures with distressing accuracy the gauntlet idealistic college grads must face to secure an MD and, against the odds, come out of it a better human being. Cringe, laugh, fall in love, cringe some more…
If only medical school was actually this entertaining.
Praise for Didn’t Get Frazzled:
“…the best fictional portrayal of med school since ER.” – BlueInk Review, starred review
2017 International Book Award Bronze Medal Winner Readers’ Favorite (Fiction – Humor/Comedy) and INDIES Book of the Year Award Finalist (Humor)
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How about you? If you are a memoir writer, have you ever considered writing your story as fiction? If so, what factors went into your decision?
We’d love to hear from you. Please join in the conversation below~
This Week:
I’m honored to be interviewed about memoir writing on Nancy Julien Kopp’s Writer Granny’s World blog. Hope you’ll stop by.
Next Week:
Monday, 3/12/18:
“Mundane Details Matter: A Memoir Moment”
February 26, 2018
Finding the Theme in Your Memoir and Why It’s Important
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler
“It’s a supreme act of control to understand a life as a story that resonates with others. It’s not a diary. It’s taking this chaos and making a story out of it, attempting to make art out of it”~ Dani Shapiro
Photo Credit: impact videoproduction.co.uk
Why Theme is So Important in Memoir
How many of you have ever felt stumped when asked the question, “So what’s your story about?”
After nearly twenty years of writing about the story that keeps nagging at me…the twenty-five year period when I was dealing with a son with an addiction to alcohol while coping with Stage Four Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, I am finally becoming clear on what my story is about and why I want to send it out into the world.
The theme has evolved through many phases of my writing and a question has formed–
How does a mother cope with and get on the other side of simultaneous life-threatening battles?
The Story:
Daring to Hope: One Mother’s Journey To Healing From Cancer and Her Son’s Addiction is a story of how one woman’s simultaneous battles of Stage Four Non –Hodgkin’s Lymphoma and her young adult son’s addiction to alcohol and drugs tests her resolve to never, ever give up hope.
The Universal Messages:
Addiction is a disease which affects the entire family and requires a lifelong commitment to self-care and healthy boundaries.
Letting go does not mean giving up.
When a mother’s love is not enough, hope steps in.
It is possible to get on the other side of simultaneous life threatening challenges.
The Theme(s):
Main theme:
The power of hope in healing when faced with life-threatening life challenges.
Sub-themes:
Faith, Addiction, Codependency, Cancer, Resilience, Loss, Healing
Finding the Theme for Your Memoir
A good memoir is never just about the events in your life. A good memoir reveals how your life changes as a person as a result of these events.
Theme answers the question, what’s the story about? Our specific story illustrates the universal theme.
The following questions have guided me as I continue working on revisions for my work-in-progress memoir:
What does the main character learn and how does she learn it?
What is the universal question that will help me connect with my readers?
How have I changed by the end of the story and how do I show it?
Let’s take each question and expand on the benefits of asking them as you write…
What does the main character learn and how does she learn it?
This is where selecting the right events/scenes to support the theme comes in. If a scene does not align with the theme, it will not move the narrative forward. It may take the reader out of the story and be a distraction. In that case, it should be removed. It’s a good idea to ask yourself after each scene if it serves a purpose in the narrative. If not, it should be cut, even if you love those “darlings”.
Also, the “show vs tell” guide applies. Capturing the reader’s attention through sensory details will keep the reader in the story better than exposition alone. Exposition serves a purpose in inner monologue and reflection, so important in memoir, but balancing scenic details and exposition is a memoir writer’s challenge (at least this memoir writer’s challenge).
What is the universal question that will help me connect with my readers?
Defining the universal question starts with being clear on your purpose for writing your story. Once I was clear how the power of hope helped me to navigate through simultaneous life challenges, I felt a passion to share my story for others. It is possible to heal from cancer and a son’s addiction. Being connected to my purpose for writing fuels me for the long haul nature of the memoir writing journey.
How have I changed by the end of the story and how do I show it?
Every scene I write needs to relate to my theme and I need to show how these events shaped my responses and led to my eventual transformation. Otherwise, why would anyone want to read a story of challenges and a litany of life events without any redemption or lessons learned?
Photo Credit: “Path to Truth” www.elizabethchannes.com
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I’ll leave you with a few select resources about exploring theme for your memoir:
Author and editor Cami Ostman host a fabulous Facebook group, Memory into Memoir, where she posts live videos about memoir writing. Here’s the one about theme
In “Quilting Your Memoir: Your Turning Points and Timeline” ,Linda Joy Myers, President of The National Association for Memoir Writers, points out “Your turning points are the emotional hot spots of your life. Focusing on these points will help to sort through the file cabinet of your memories and will help to build the spine of your memoir structure.”
“Why Your Memoir Needs a Theme and How to Choose One” on Profound Journey blog
“10 Tips for Finding the Theme of Your Memoir” by Abigail Carter at Huffington Post.
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How about you? How do you find the theme in your writing projects? Do you have any other tips to share? Are you able to state clearly what your story is about?
I’d love to hear from you. Please join in the conversation below~
***
This Week:
Monday, 2/26/18:
February 2018 Newsletter: Monthly Updates, Memoir Musings, Max Moments:
“Lenten Reflections”
If you are interested in receiving these monthly updates in your inbox, please sign up on the right side bar. I’d love to have you along.
Next Week:
Monday, 3/5/18:
“The Novel and the Memoir: Two Paths to the Truth by Author David Z. Hirsch”
David is the author of Didn’t Get Frazzled. “This novel captures with distressing accuracy the gauntlet idealistic college grads must faceto secure an MD and , against all odds, come out a better human being. Cringe, Laugh, fall in love, cringe some more…”
February 19, 2018
When and How to Use Journals and Letters in Your Memoir – by Amber Lea Starfire
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler with Amber Lea Starfire/@writingthrulife
“To me, reading through old letters and journals is like treasure hunting. Somewhere in those faded, handwritten lines there is a story that has been packed away in a dusty old box for years.”~ Sara Sheridan, Picture Quotes
I am very pleased to feature Amber Lea Starfire in this guest post about using journals and letters in your memoir writing as a way of retrieving memory and deepening the narrative. Amber is a writing coach, an editor and the author of several books, including two memoirs. I met Amber online when I first started writing my memoir in 2009 and count her among my most valued resources for journaling and writing.
My reviews of Not the Mother I Remember can be found on Amazon, Goodreads, LibraryThings and Riffle.
My Reviews of Accidental Jesus Freak can also be found on Amazon, Goodreads, LibraryThings and Riffle.
Welcome, Amber!
Amber Lea Starfire, author, editor, writing coach
When and How to Use Journals and Letters in Your Memoir
Writing a memoir is hard work. Having to rely solely on memory makes it even harder, which is why it’s important to research and verify the events of your life as much as possible. There are many ways to accomplish this, such as interviewing family members and researching political and cultural events to give context to your life events.
If you’re lucky enough to have source materials, such as journals and letters — either your own or belonging to key characters in your memoir — you possess treasure. Yet having these materials can also cause confusion. For example, should you include excerpts of these materials in your memoir or just to use them to verify details and solidify your recollections? And then, if you do decide to include excerpts, which ones do you choose?
How do you keep the right balance of excerpt and narrative?
Your decisions will rest upon what voices — points of view — you are portraying in your story and how well the voices within your source materials can work to move your story forward.
My first memoir, Not the Mother I Remember, began when I found boxes of my mother’s journals and letters. My purpose in writing that memoir was to explore our complicated relationship through the ways we each perceived and responded to the shared events of our lives, how our experiences did and didn’t mesh. My mother’s voice was essential to the story, so it was a natural choice to weave together and contrast our points of view using excerpts from her writing.
In my newest memoir, Accidental Jesus Freak, I also chose to use excerpts from my own journals and letters (my mother’s letters also make a brief appearance here) to illustrate some of the conflict I was experiencing. But for this memoir, I used these materials in a much more limited way.
What about your memoir? Let’s return to my original questions: how do you choose whether to use excerpts from existing material? And once that decision is made, how do you choose which portions to use? And when to use them?
Here are some questions to consider when making the decision to include excerpts from letters or journals:
In what ways will inserting this excerpt add to my story?
Does the excerpt convey a viewpoint or memory more succinctly and effectively than I could write it myself in scene or reflection?
Does the writing uniquely illustrate a mindset or point of view or add to a characterization?
Can it be added to the narrative as part of and without disrupting the narrative flow?
Do I have the copyrights to the materials?
Things to keep in mind:
You’re the editor — you can and should correct spelling and punctuation errors in the original material, UNLESS those errors are an important part of your character’s personality. For example, you may want to keep errors in excerpts taken from your childhood diary, because they illustrate the development of your character at that age. Otherwise, those kinds of errors are distracting and may jolt your readers out of the narrative.
For example, in Not the Mother I Remember, as Alzheimer’s began to take over my mother’s mind, her sentence syntax and choice of words became confused. However, in telling my story, I wanted to convey my mother’s intended message (which was clear) rather than have readers focus on her disease, so I corrected the errors in her writing. If I wanted readers to focus on the progression of her disease, I would have let those errors remain.
It’s okay to remove portions and quote just the bits you need — as long as the meaning remains the same. You don’t want to distort the message of the original material. Whether you choose to use ellipses or not to indicate missing portions is up to you. It’s not required (no one will know otherwise), and too many ellipses may distract your readers.
Choose your excerpts carefully and with purpose. You should be able to answer positively all of the five bulleted questions listed above.
Avoid redundancy. Make your point with one or, at most, two excerpts that have the same core message. Readers will get bored quickly with reading the same types of entries over and over.
If you’re questioning whether to use an excerpt or not, try writing your passage both ways. In the first, include the excerpt. In the second, include a scene that portrays the same message or event. Which one is stronger and works better for your purpose? Not sure? Get some feedback from your critique group or a friend who can be trusted to tell you the unvarnished truth.
Don’t be afraid to experiment.
When used well and with purpose, including excerpts of journals, letters, and other original source materials can provide rich context and meaning in your memoir.
***
Synopsis of Amber’s latest memoir, Accidental Jesus Freak:
From the author of the award-winning memoir Not the Mother I Remember, comes an extraordinary story of love and faith and a unique window into the Jesus Movement in the 1970s.
In 1973, Linda was a flute player and music major at a California community college, until she met and fell madly in love with a charismatic piano player, plunging into his world of music-making and drug-fueled parties. When, just three weeks after their wedding, he reveals that he’s been “born again,” Linda makes the spontaneous decision to follow him into his new religion and, unwittingly, into a life of communal living, male domination, and magical thinking.
With unflinching candor, Amber Starfire chronicles her journey as Linda Carr into the evangelical church culture, where she gives up everything for her husband and their music ministry. But in the process, she loses her most valuable assets: her identity and sense of self-worth. It is only when Linda returns to live with her birth family and faces her complicated relationship with her mother that she finds new purpose and the courage to begin to extricating herself from the limiting beliefs of her past.
Accidental Jesus Freak is the story of one woman, one marriage, and one kind of fundamentalism, but it is also the story of the healing that is possible when we are true to ourselves. Both a cautionary tale and celebration of personal empowerment, Accidental Jesus Freak is a powerful reminder for anyone who seeks to live a life authentic to who they truly are.
Author Bio:
Amber Lea Starfire is an award-winning author, editor, and writing coach in Napa, California.
Amber’s newest memoir, Accidental Jesus Freak: One Woman’s Journey from Fundamentalism to Freedom will be released in February, 2018. Her first memoir, Not the Mother I Remember was a finalist for the Indie Book Awards for 2015 and the Sarton Memoir Awards in 2016. She also co-edited the groundbreaking anthology, Times They Were A-Changing: Women Remember the ’60s & ’70s.
In addition to memoir, she has authored books on journaling and self-publishing — Week by Week: A Year’s Worth of Journaling Prompts & Meditations, Journaling the Chakras, and Publish Your Chaptbook.
Amber Lea Starfire’s passion is helping others tell their stories, make meaning of their lives, and access their inner wisdom and creativity through the act of writing. She offers courses and workshops in journaling and creative writing.
Visit her website at http://www.writingthroughlife.com.
Twitter @writingthrulife
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Thank you Amber for sharing your words of wisdom about memoir writing and for showing us how you used letters and journals in your two memoirs. I have excerpted letters and journal entries in both my first memoir and now in my work-in-progress second memoir and feel they add a deeper dimension to the narrative.
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How about you? Do you feel letters and journal excerpts add to the story?
We’d love to hear from you. Please join in the conversation below~
***
Next Week:
Monday, 2/26/18:
“Finding the Theme for Your Memoir and Why It’s Important”
***
February 2018 Newsletter: Monthly Updates, Memoir Musings, Max Moments
“A Lenten Reflection “
February 17, 2018
The Authentic Writer by B. Lynn Goodwin: A WOW Blog Tour
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler with B. Lynn Goodwin/@Lgood66337
“We have to dare to be ourselves, however frightening or strange that self may prove to be.” ― May Sarton
Welcome to B.Lynn Goodwin’s WOW Blog Tour for her new memoir, Never Too Late: From Wannabe to Wife at 62. Lynn and I are International Women Writer’s Guild (IWWG) sisters and met online.
My reviews of Never Too Late can be found on Amazon, Goodreads, LibraryThings and RiffleBooks.
Welcome Lynn!
Author B. Lynn Goodwin
The Authentic Writer
In late December my memoir, Never Too Late: From Wannabe to Wife at 62, was published by Koehler Books. Comments from readers are most encouraging. Here are three confirming that I met the goal of writing with an authentic voice:
“One by one, she confronts her doubts with openness and honesty in this memoir, relating it all with convincing clarity and a refreshing lack of sentimentality. This isn’t a conventional love story; rather, it’s a mature assessment of the pros and cons of having a relationship.” –Kirkus Reviews
“This beautifully written book wreaks of honesty and authenticity. The author brings the reader into her world and to her side in its first few paragraphs by candidly sharing her feelings of inadequacy and sense of having a flawed nature. Don’t we all feel this at one time or another?” –John Maxwell O’Brien, PhD
“With raw honesty, the author slowly reveals the conflict she is experiencing in making the decision to marry. How can a blue collar worker fit into her white collar world? How will she deal with a potential loss of independence? What will she be giving up? But what will she gain? All of these concerns are relatable and the reader feels her dilemma. –Kathleen Pooler
Want to make your story, essay, or poem authentic? Tell the whole truth—warts and all. Make your narrator three-dimensional.
Think you, the narrator, have no flaws? Ask another character in your story, or your spouse, or your co-worker, or your child.
In addition give your antagonist at least one likeable trait. Few things are black and white in this world. Most readers like to see how characters handle complications in their lives. Some are role models for what we should do. Others are role models for what we should avoid.
Here are some steps for writing authentically:
Tell what happened.
Include the narrator’s part in it.
Consider why it happened.
Include reactions.
Consider how a narrator grows as a result of what happened.
Include resolutions to change, grow, or maintain a new awareness.
Stuck?
Why did you want to tell this story?
Who does it have value for?
Write for them and write for yourself. Stuck on a plot point or troubled by irreconcilable differences? Ask your narrator how to handle it. If she’s truly three- dimensional she’ll help you journal about it until you figure it out.
The authentic writer tells the truth, listens to criticism, and uses it whenever it will help her tell her story.
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Book Summary
How does a 62-year-old woman who’s never been married find happiness with a two-time widower seeking his third wife on . . .Craigslist!?
Does she throw caution to the wind and relinquish her freedom, or should she take a crash course in compromises?
Author B. Lynn Goodwin tells all and more in Never Too Late. How she was attracted to Richard’s clear expectations, his honesty, and his incredible openness. She’d never met anyone like him. Would she recognize love if it knocked on her heart? And could an educated woman be happy moving into a blue-collar world?
Whether you’ve been single forever, are trapped in an unhappy marriage, or you’re simply curious, you’ll find secrets to a happy marriage in Never Too Late.
Paperback: 222 Pages
Genre: Memoir
Publisher: Koehler Books (December 20, 2017)
ISBN-10: 1633936082
ISBN-13: 978-1633936089
Never Too Late: From Wannabe to Wife at 62 is available for print and eBook at Amazon , Barnes & Noble and IndieBound.
Praise
“A vivid, engaging, and heart-warming tribute to that rare and wonderful thing: a late-in-life
love.” – Susan Wittig Albert, Ph.D, author of Loving Eleanor and The General’s Women
“A book filled with grace and charm.” – Aline Soules, author of Meditation on Woman and Evening Sun
“Very different from any love story you have ever read.” – Richard J. Smith, Ph.D., author of Life After Eighty, Once Upon A Christmas, and Musings of an Old Man
“For those who think life has passed them by, take heart, and read B. Lynn Goodwin’s book, Never Too Late, an unflinchingly honest, personal tale of love found after 60.” – Kate Farrell, Author and co-editor of award-winning anthologies: Times They Were A-Changing: Women Remember the ’60s & ’70s and Cry of the Nightbird: Writers Against Domestic Violence
About the Author
Lynn Goodwin is the owner of Writer Advice, www.writeradvice.com. She’s written You Want Me to Do WHAT? Journaling for Caregivers(Tate Publishing) and Talent (Eternal Press). Talent was short-listed for a Literary Lightbox Awardand won a bronze medal in the Moonbeam Children’s Book Awards and was a finalist for a Sarton Women’s Book Award.
Her manuscript, Never Too Late: From Wannabe to Wife at 62 was published by Koehler Press on December 20, 2017. Goodwin’s work has appeared in Voices of Caregivers, Hip Mama, Dramatics Magazine, Inspire Me Today, The Sun, Good Housekeeping.com, Purple Clover.com and elsewhere. She is a reviewer and teacher at Story Circle Network, and she is a manuscript coach at Writer Advice. She always has time to write guest blog posts and answer questions. She loves working one on one, trouble-shooting, and helping writers find what works.
She can be found online at:
Website: http://www.writeradvice.com/
Blog: https://blynngoodwin.com/blog-page/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/Lgood67334
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/blynn.goodwin
Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/Lgood67334/
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How about you? What makes you decide that an author’s voice is authentic? How important is an author’s authentic voice to you when you are reading? As a writer how do you know when your own voice is authentic?
We’d love to hear from you. Please join in the conversation below~
***
Next Week:
Monday, 2/19/18:
“When and How to Use Journals and Letters in Your Memoir by Amber Lea Starfire”
Amber is the author of two memoirs, Not the Mother I Remember and her latest memoir, Accidental Jesus Freak.
February 12, 2018
The Power of Music to Unlock Memories: A Memoir Moment
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler
Photo Credit: lifemoveson.com
The Power of Music to Unlock Memories
Memoirs are our version of the story. Someone else may have a different perception of the same event. A memoir is our truth from our perspective at a given point in time. We claim our life events as truths when we resurrect our memories. We begin to see the past through the lens of maturity and experience. The memory and therefore our truths are tangled and fuzzy at best.
Listening to music helps me to recapture the memories that keep popping up as I write.
I have always been amazed at the ability of music to affect my mood, transport me to another time and place and help me connect to my own creative energy.
Okay, I’ll admit, I do often sing around the house, too. I usually wake up with a song on my mind and end up giving voice to it until it eventually dissipates as I go about my day. Here’s the deal- I can’t really sing but that doesn’t matter. I do enjoy belting out the tunes to my captive audience, Max, our Golden Retriever and to Wayne, my husband who usually just smiles and shakes his head.
There’s even research to confirm music’s impact on brain function. A Stanford study shows that music engages areas of the brain which are involved with paying attention, making predictions and updating events in our memory (Baker, Mitzi. “Music moves brain to pay attention, Stanford study finds.” Stanford Medicine. Accessed February 24, 2015.)
Music helps me to connect…
As I work on revising my second memoir, Daring to Hope: A Mother’s Journey to Healing From Cancer and Her Son’s Addiction (new working title), I instinctively ask Alexa (love my new Echo Dot!) to play me the music from the time I am writing about.
What Makes Music So Powerful?
Music is a universal language:
The Italian tenor, Andrea Bocelli can sing to me anytime and I’ll understand his language of love. Here he is performing The Prayer with Celine Dion in 2009:
Music is therapeutic:
Think about the soothing background music played in the dentist’s or doctor’s office to calm you, or the use of music in hospice settings to ease pain and anxiety. Music therapy, also called” expressive therapy” is a part of any helping professions’ role in healing according to Wikipedia.
“A letter written by the artist to William Walters dated July 20, 1860 illuminates the subject of this painting. It shows a brother and sister resting before an old tomb. The brother is attempting to comfort his sibling by playing the violin, and she has fallen into a deep sleep, “oblivious of all grief, mental and physical.”” (Wikipedia, The Power of Music)
Music is transformative:
It often transports the singer or musician to an altered state. Have you ever seen American cellist and virtuoso, Yo-Yo Ma in concert and seen the ecstasy on his face when he plays the cello?
Music reflects and defines the times:
Social movements are galvanized in the music of the times. Here’s Peter, Paul and Mary at their 25th anniversary concert in 1986 singing Where Have All the Flowers Gone? It speaks to the pain and loss of the young men of my generation, the 1960’s, in the Vietnam War, and fueled the anti-war movement:
It is clear to me that music has extraordinary benefits to enhance productivity in life and in writing.
Music unlocks memories…
As I finish the first revision of my second memoir, listening to music helps me connect with my own creative rhythms so that what flows from within will spill over onto the pages helping me to connect, heal, transform and define the times and my story through my writing.
A Memoir Moment:
John Denver’s “Rocky Mountain High” takes me right back to Ferdando’s Pub, 1991:
Excerpt from my second memoir, Daring to Hope: A Mother’s Journey to Healing From Cancer and Her Son’s Addiction (working title).
One night after one of Brian’s basketball games when he was fifteen-years-old before he was kicked off the team, Ed took Brian and me out to dinner at Fernando’s, a local pub. Brian stepped away to visit with some friends as soon as we sat in our booth.
Against the background of a boisterous bar crowd and John Denver’s “Rocky Mountain High “ on the jukebox, I looked across table at Ed as furls of smoke from the next booth swirled around his large frame. I started wringing my hands underneath the table and leaned forward,
“I want you to know Ed that I have forgiven you,” I said, swallowing hard. “I want to set things straight so we can be there for our kids.”
My growing anger over Ed’s lack of active participation in our children’s lives was beginning to spill over into rage. Or was it an escalating fear that time was running out on his chance to step in and make a positive difference in my children’s lives?
“Of course,” Ed said, opening his eyes wide. He flashed a hint of a smile and nodded, “Thank you.”
I exhaled deeply and and nodded back to him.
He didn’t ask any questions nor did I offer any specifics but somehow just addressing the fact that I was ready to let go of the burden of being angry with him consoled me. I had carried that resentment with me since our divorce in 1977 and was ready to lift the burden off myself. It also felt like a moment of desperation, an urgency to do everything possible to help our children.
I exhaled again and slumped down a little in my seat, relieved but uncertain how offering my forgiveness would make things better. We didn’t talk further about specific plans on co-parenting, but I felt it was a start. Ed was not much of a talker. He only opened up to me after he’d been drinking when we were married. I felt it was an accomplishment to address the issue of his role in parenting. I also hoped that he would respond to the fact that we needed him. Only time would tell.
***
How about you? Do you have ways to tap into your own creative energies? How do you get in rhythm? Does music help you to write?
I’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~
***
This Week:
Saturday, 2/17/18:
“The Authentic Writer: A WOW Blog Tour with Memoirist BLynn Goodwin.
Lynn is the author of a memoir,Never Too Late: From Wannabee to Wife at 62
Monday, 2/19/18:
“When and How to Use Journals and Letters in Your Memoir by Amber Lea Starfire”
Amber is the author of two memoirs, Not the Mother I Remember and her latest memoir, Accidental Jesus Freak.
February 5, 2018
Why We Write and Read Memoir by Author Nancy Julien Kopp
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler with Nancy Julien Kopp/@NancyJulienKopp
A memoir forces me to stop and remember carefully. It is an exercise in truth. In a memoir, I look at myself, my life, and the people I love the most in the mirror of the blank screen. In a memoir, feelings are more important than facts, and to write honestly, I have to confront my demons. Isabel Allende, Brainy Quote
I am thrilled to have you meet my new friend, Nancy Julien Kopp. Nancy and I met through our blogs. She will explore why we write and read memoir.
Nancy explains that although she has not written a memoir she has many short memoir pieces that have been published in anthologies and at e-zines on the web. Some have been placed in writing contests, as well.
There’s more than one way to get our stories out there. I have thoroughly enjoyed reading Nancy’s slice -of-life stories on her blog which showcases her storytelling abilities.
Welcome, Nancy!
Author Nancy Julien Julien Kopp
Why We Write and Read Memoir
Why do we write memoir? Why do we like to read memoir? Let’s explore both questions.
Why do we write memoir?
Phot Credit; Jewish Tucson.org
Jeanette Walls, author of The Glass Castle said “Memoir is about handing over your life to someone and saying, This is what I went through, this is who I am, and maybe you can learn something from it.”
This quote gives us one reason people write memoir. We have the desire to help readers learn something about the human spirit, about life, about overcoming difficulties. It’s a service to others.
I had the misfortune to lose two of my children as infants at different times and for different reasons. Later, I had the desire to write about my experience to help other mothers who had gone through something similar. That was a true and conscious thought but subconsciously, I had the need to write about this period of my life to help me deal with the grief and to move on. The strange part of wanting to write about my losses is that it took me a full thirty years before I could actually write the words. When I did, the floodgates opened and I wrote several memoir pieces about that period of my life that were published.
So, besides helping our readers learn something, we write memoir to aid us in healing after a loss, abuse, addiction and more. The writing does not give us full healing but it is an important step in achieving it.
We also write memoir to help us understand a certain part of our life. We have a need to know why we acted as we did, why we allowed certain things to influence us so readily, why circumstances evolved as they did. We can’t change what occurred but if we understand what happened, dealing with it is easier.
A quote from Kathy Pooler, memoir writer and host of this blog, gives one more reason for writing memoir. She said, “Writing, especially memoir writing, is a healing process, providing closure to the author.” We crave closure when we’ve gone through a harrowing experience.
Another reason to write memoir is to savor the past with both its negatives and positives. Note that I added ‘positives.’ Memoirists should add the good parts of whatever period of life they are writing about. Memoirists often write about the growing-up years for that is what made us who we are today and those years contain happy memories, too.
My state authors’ organization offers an annual writing contest with several categories to enter. Every year, the memoir category has the greatest number of entries. Writing books and instructors tell us ‘write what you know’ and what do you know better than your own life?
Why Do We Read Memoir?
Photo Credit: facingtodayfacing history.org
We humans are curious folk. That curiosity is one reason we like to read memoirs. We want to peer into someone else’s life problems and compare them with our own. Or perhaps we sometimes want to look at the life of a person whose obstacles in life are the polar opposite of our own.
Readers yearn to know how others deal with problems. Memoirs are seldom Pollyanna kind of stories. Memoirists bring the reader knowledge of how the writer dealt with a life situation.
The reader need not agree with what the writer says or did but they should take away something learned if nothing else.
Readers also like the personal aspect of a memoir. These are not made-up stories (they better not be!) but about real people and actual situations. Fiction is fine for some readers but others prefer true stories.
Readers also get a new perspective on what might be an old problem of their own. No two people handle a comparable situation in the same way. If I was addicted to painkillers, I’d be very interested in reading about someone else who walks in the same shoes. I’d want to know how she handled it. Was it the same as what I did, or might want to do? Or was it entirely different?
Remember the quote by Jeanette Walls in the first section? Her quote appears to work for both those who write memoir and those who read it.
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Thank you Nancy for your thoughtful exploration of the reasons why we write and read memoir. The many reasons you list reinforce the importance of offering takeaways from your hard-earned life experiences. In the end, though the story is about your life, it’s not about you, as much as it is about the human condition. I am so sorry you had to endure the loss of two children. I’m happy you experienced personal healing from writing about it. I have no doubt your words have touched and will continue to touch many who need to hear your story.
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Author Bio:
Nancy Julien Kopp grew up in the Chicago area but moved to the Flint HIlls of Kansas many years ago. She did not start writing until she was in her mid-fifties. She has been published in 18 Chicken Soup for the Soul books (with two more coming this spring), several other anthologies, in ezines, magazines and newspapers. She writes creative nonfiction, memoir, personal essays, articles on the craft of writing, poetry and children’s fiction. Nancy belongs to a women’s international online writer’s critique group that has helped her grow as a writer.
Author Contact Information:
She blogs about her writing world, with tips and encouragement for writers at www.writergrannysworld.blogspotcom
Twitter: @NancyJulienKopp
Pinterest.com/nancyjulienk
Google+ Nancy Julien Kopp
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How about you? Why do you write and /or read memoir? Do you have any ideas to add to Nancy’s list?
We’d love to hear from you. Please join in the conversation below~
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Next Week:
Monday, 2/12/18:
“Using Music to Unlock Memories in Memoir Writing”
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