Kathleen Pooler's Blog, page 15
November 19, 2018
Memoir Writing is Not For Sissies by Robin Gaiser
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler with Robin Gaiser/@RobinGaiser
One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice – – –
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
‘Mend my life!’
each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations – – –
though their melancholy
was terrible. It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice,
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do – – – determined to save
the only life you could save.
Mary Oliver (Dream Work)
Robin Gaiser is a Certified Music Practitioner (CMP) who wrote a stunning memoir about ministering to hospice patients in their final days. Musical Morphine: Transforming Pain One Note at a Time. She shared her journey in this previous post. I’m thrilled to feature her again as she prepares to launch her second memoir, Open For Lunch, a collection of encounters with a dozen strangers in casual lunch spots from upstate New York to Asheville, North Carolina. Today she will share the challenges she faced in writing her memoir.
Welcome back, Robin!
Memoirist and Certified Music Practitioner Robin Gaiser
Memoir Writing and Publishing Are Not For Sissies
Just the other day I was having a conversation with a new friend who knew I was an author with a second memoir, OPEN FOR LUNCH (Pisgah Press; 2018), recently launched at a reading, signing and celebration at Malaprops Bookstore in Asheville, North Carolina, our city of residence. She was picking my brain about how to move forward with her own writing. Somewhere in the conversation she said she thought writing memoir was “the easiest of all the genres.” I nearly leapt across the table when I told her memoir writing was possibly the hardest to write, definitely not for sissies.
Photo Credit: Unsplash.com
I am a writer whose arms and hands shake when I am uncovering a new or never told truth about myself or my life. Sometimes I have to lay down my pen and notebook, get up from my writing desk and take a walk, preferably outdoors in nature, or swim laps where I breath rhythmically and deeply. Sometimes I can settle with meditation or praying, but I know I have to re-set my emotional compass to continue my writing. When this happens I know I am down in my personal well, exposing my vulnerability. Here’s where it’s tempting to go easy on myself, easy on my subjects and leave out the hard parts, the stories that sting, that do not hold up the image we project to the world. Here’s when I cannot sleep worrying “What will they think? Have I gone too far?” But I know a good reader can tell when an author is withholding information, a fact I learned as an early writer. And perhaps more important, I know I am essentially a liar if I leave out the truth.
In my first memoir, MUSICAL MORPHINE: Transforming Pain One Note at a Time (Pisgah Press: 2016) at first I was afraid to tell all. Shame, self-doubt, denial, fear of reactions from family and friends eventually gave way to much trembling as I told all: all I knew to tell. In OPEN FOR LUNCH I discovered there was even more to tell.
Robin with publisher
When I sat down to write OPEN FOR LUNCH, I expected to turn out a collection of short stories about my fourteen years (and counting) of asking perfect strangers to eat lunch with me. My publisher and I discussed a host of dining tales, experiences, characters, interactions with my lunch partners. I delivered those stories. But there was more. OPEN FOR LUNCH sprang from a short story collection into a full-scale memoir.
It happened this way. Fellow writers and my professor Elizabeth Luytens in four semesters of a master prose class at University of North Carolina Asheville in the Great Smoky’s Writing Program, began asking keen, probing questions. The first question had to do with chapter one. “When you write the phrase ‘something shifted in me’ after you see the face of the woman in line in front of you at Subway and ask her to eat lunch with you, what was that ‘something that shifted’?” they asked. I didn’t know how to answer them.
My classmates pressed on. “Who are you? And what is it about you that invites strangers to eat lunch with you? Why are you doing this?” Again, I didn’t know the answer. I assumed asking strangers for lunch was nothing out of the ordinary; anyone could do what I was doing. Simple, just look around for someone who is alone, then ask.
“Oh, no. Not me. I could never do that.”
Nearly everyone in class along with others outside of class who heard of my practice responded this way. I began examining myself in light of these questions, these responses to my lunches, and along came a heart–pounding dive into who, what, why, when, and where. I became the reporter reporting on myself. Soon the stunning stories of my lunch mates took me deeply into my own story.
As the oldest of four children and the only girl, with a span of fifteen years between me and my youngest brother, what I experienced as a child lived its own uniqueness. My brother closest in age to me and I can reminisce about a similar childhood, although being a male in the fifties, provided him a mightily different experience in so many ways. But my two younger brothers grew up in a household I did and do not recognize. Our memories and our individual ways of dealing with them surprise us when we get together and talk about our childhood. Some of my truths have shocked, even displeased them since they were either too young or as yet unborn when the events occurred.
My relationship with my mother, in particular, was tangled. Counseling nearly all my adult life has assisted me in understanding my enmeshment with my mother along with the unrealistic expectations I carry for myself, learned at her knee. My current counselor when hearing about my writing of OPEN FOR LUNCH said, ” Well, you know, this is about your mother.”
I overreacted. “No! I thought I dealt with that.This isn’t about her.”
My counselor was right, at least in part. What mother/daughter relationship, the most difficult of all pairings in family life I think, cannot stand another delving into, another fine-tuning? OPEN FOR LUNCH is by no means all about me and my mother, but my pen hijacked me several times to look around the next corner and see her lurking. In fact, I nearly ran out of ink discovering more about her and my father as well as generations of family, a literal three-way mirror among my lunch mates, myself and my family. We were so alike; but then, we weren’t.
I changed the real names of my lunch mates (some even chose their new names) for privacy since their stories are personal, some never told before. However, Helmer Twoyoungmen (Koskanuba), my dear Stoney Nakota lunch mate insisted his story be shared without altering any facts. The stories are faithful to what occurred with my lunch mates and locations for our encounters are true to their actual settings. You may have even unknowingly seen me at a local eatery having lunch with a stranger since my dining habits have taken place in many states, and even in Canada.
It is my hope that OPEN FOR LUNCH provides a feast for readers to pick and choose from. When I selected the title with help from my friend Carol Even, I promised myself I would not get too corny with food puns and metaphors. But I can’t help myself. So, may readers be filled, nourished, satiated from reading OPEN FOR LUNCH. And enriched, fortified, delighted from the full menu of stories and insights I have cooked up. And most of all, may readers hunger to learn more of their own stories, in the restaurant called life.
***
Book Synopsis:
In her new book, Open for Lunch, Robin Russell Gaiser writes of her encounters with a dozen strangers in casual lunch spots from upstate New York to Asheville, North Carolina. She began these encounters almost by chance when she invited someone in line with her at a Subway restaurant to share her table. But as she pursued such encounters over the years, she gradually became “the reporter reporting on myself. Soon the stunning stories of my lunch mates took me deeply into my own narrative.”
Open for Lunch speaks from the heart, both about the moving, fascinating stories of the people she meets, but also about herself. In the words of Lois McMahon, PhD, “Gaiser is a survivor who has overcome personal tragedy and found healing and the ability to reach out to others to share her wisdom and strength. This book holds invaluable lessons for us all about pain, suffering, redemption, forgiveness, healing and love.”
A former teacher and counselor, a singer and musician, Gaiser is a Certified Music Practitioner (CMP) who provides therapeutic music to the ill, the elderly, and the dying in hospital, nursing homes, and hospice settings. Her first book, Musical Morphine: Transforming Pain One Note at a Time, described her work in that field and was a finalist for the 2017 Best Book Awards in Alternative Medicine.
About the Author:
Robin Russell Gaiser, MA, CMP, holds degrees in English literature and psychology and a certificate in therapeutic music. Her previous book, MUSICAL MORPHINE: Transforming Pain One Note at a Time, was
a 2017 finalist in American Book Fest’s Best Book Awards.
Gaiser is a regular presenter before book clubs, bookstores, and professional groups, including her March 2018 TEDx Talk, “Good Vibrations: Less Drugs, More Music.” She has performed widely and recorded numerous CDs, and she provides live vocal and instrumental music to the chronically ill and those in the last stages of life. She and her husband live in Asheville, NC.
Author Contact Information:
***
Next Week:
Monday, 11/26/18:
“Gratitude as a Pathway to Healing”
November 2018 Newsletter: Updates, Memoir Musings, Max Moments:
“Living in Gratitude”
If you are interested in receiving this monthly update in your inbox, please sign up in the right side bar. I’d love you have you along!
November 12, 2018
Lessons From My Blogging Break: So What’s the Hurry?
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler
Lessons From My Blogging Break: So What’s the Hurry?
After I submitted my memoir manuscript to a small publisher back in August, I decided to step back and take a break from my daily routine. I felt maxed-out from concentrating on my story of being the mother of an alcoholic son and surviving cancer. I didn’t know if I would lose my momentum but I knew that I needed to pause and regroup after the long haul of reliving and writing my story which I started writing in 2000.
I became acutely aware of the ever present sense that everyone was in a hurry—meet this deadline, finish this project, get to that appointment on time, keep up with the onslaught of breaking news every day. Get it all done and don’t tarry.
In the midst of all this, my energy waned and increased dialysis became necessary due to declining kidney function. I felt desperate to seek solutions and decided to get an evaluation at another transplant center.
Life Happens…
On October 31, I went for an evaluation for a kidney transplant in a nearby town. The doctor was honest and compassionate and expressed his concern that a transplant may not make me better due to my underlying health issues. On November 5, I received the call I was not a candidate for a transplant. Not the news I wanted to hear but I understand it is in my best interest. I survived Stage Four Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma in 1996 and it’s probably a miracle that I’m still here at all so I do try to keep it all in perspective. For the time being the peritoneal dialysis continues to work but I’m currently exploring options with my clinic nurse and doctor which may include home hemodialysis at some point. I have to accept that dialysis in some form will be a lifelong treatment.
Back to the drawing board…
A Grieving Process..
Sometimes, we keep ourselves in a rush to avoid the feelings of sadness or grief. Slowing down has helped me to face the grieving process. My level of physical function has restricted me in doing the things I want to be able to do. I am grieving this loss of function and wellness as I work on dealing with this disappointment and accepting the limitations.
Recalibrating…
It’s time to reestablish some balance in my life. Accept the limitations while still remaining hopeful for better days. Remain realistic without being pessimistic and stay optimistic without being in denial. That can get tricky.
Photo Credit: Free Google Images
My manuscript will surface when it’s ready but for the time being, I’m not in a hurry. It’s been a conscious effort to downshift and adapt a slower pace. When we cram every moment with events and activities, we don’t have room to experience the moment in a meaningful way.
I’m back and ready to move forward.
Here are a few lessons on how to slow down that I learned on my blogging break:
Take the long view: will any of this matter a year from now, five years from now?
Make more room for the important things in my life, i.e, family time
Don’t try to do everything all at once.
Schedule in plenty of unscheduled time. Give myself permission to do nothing.
Simplify—my schedule, activities.
Slow down and be present in the moment.
Rely on my faith in God to give me strength and hope.
***
I’d like to thank my good friend Janet Givens who recently sent me this quote:
“In the end, only three things matter. How fully you have lived. How deeply you have loved. How well you have learned to let go of things not meant for you.” ~ Gautuma Buddha
***
So what’s your hurry?
Our time on Earth is so limited. Let’s enjoy what we have while we have it.
Photo Credit: Pixabay Free Image
How about you? How do you find balance in your life? How do you keep a healthy perspective about the events that occur in your life?
I’d love to hear from you. Please join in the conversation below~
***
Next Week:
Monday, 11/19/18:
“Memoir Writing is Not for Sissies by Memoirist Robin Gaiser”
Robin is the author of Musical Morphine:Transforming Pain One Note at a Time and her most recent memoir, Open for Lunch, scheduled for publication on 11/16/18.
November 5, 2018
The Building as Character by Memoirist Marianna Crane
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler with Marianna Crane/@mariannacrane
“Home is a shelter from storms—all sorts of storms.”
—William J. Bennett
Chicago Skyline
As a family nurse practitioner, I read Marianna Crane’s memoir with great interest and she did not disappoint. Her description of ministering to the frail elderly population was realistic and graphic. I’m thrilled to feature Marianna in this guest post about Stories From the Tenth Floor Clinic which will be published on November 6, 2018.
My reviews can be found on Amazon, Goodreads, LibraryThings and Riffle Books.
Welcome, Marianna!
Memoirist Marianna Crane
The Building as Character
As I wrote my book: Stories from the Tenth-Floor Clinic: A Nurse Practitioner Remembers, I recognized that the Chicago Housing Authority building was very much a central character. The clinic I ran, originally a one-bedroom apartment, was located in the middle of the long hallway facing two elevators. Our door was always open. Anyone could come in—our scheduled patients, or walk-ins who lived in the building or those from the surrounding neighborhood. Lucky for us, being on the tenth floor discouraged the drug addicts.
The twenty-story building rose above the surrounding multifamily homes. Chicago winds blew the debris of the dirty city along the wide expanse leading up to the entrance. The scent of ammonia unsuccessfully covered the sour odor that filled the lobby. Two elevators that carried the residents to their apartments frequently broke down. However, the view from the twentieth floor community room presented a view of the Chicago skyline that rivaled the luxury condos on Lake Shore Drive.
The CHA building offered subsidized apartments, mostly one-bedroom, to needy seniors and the handicapped. The few two-bedroom units had a long waiting list. The majority of the residents were of Eastern European decent, with a scattering of Hispanics and blacks. Each floor had a personality of its own.
Charlie Sparks and LeRoy Turner lived next door to one another on the 17th floor. Both supported the prostitutes who prowled the building. Charlie was younger than the cut off age of 65. He had special permission to live in the building because he took care of his bedridden mother. I often wondered how Charlie’s mom, whose hospital bed sat in the center of the living room, dealt with Charlie’s dalliances.
LeRoy Turner was often drunk. He worked on his car that was permanently parked in the lot behind the building. He muttered a good morning whenever I passed him but nothing more.
It was Molly Flanagan who told me about both men and their habits. Molly was a little bit of a woman in her nineties with no medical problems. She enjoyed visiting the clinic to gossip. One morning, Molly stopped by the clinic to tell me in her Irish brogue how she wielded her broom in the air, and chased the two prostitutes down the stairs.
“You’re fearless,” I said. But I warned her that one day one of the woman might knock her down with her own broom.
A formally homeless woman, who collected garbage, moved into an apartment on the twelfth floor. Soon afterwards, the stench from her place seeped down the hall and into the exit staircase. Whatever possessed the management to move a second homeless person, this time a man who also was a hoarder, onto the same floor? The stench only got worse until the Hazmat team appeared in bright yellow uniforms, hoods, gloves, and heavy shoes to evict the man, and decontaminate his place. The woman, watching his eviction, began to clean out her rooms with the help of her sister.
Each floor exposed the ethnicity of its occupants by the cooking aromas in the hallways: greens, ham hocks, kielbasa, sauerkraut, and spaghetti sauce.
Unwanted odors appeared in various locations. The elevators reeked of urine and beer, especially on Friday, payday, or when once-a-month social security checks came in the mail. The heavy scent of cigars and cigarettes lingered in the back of the building, especially in warm weather as the smokers scattered butts and used matches around the two battered picnic tables.
Individual apartments didn’t have thermostats. The heat would often become oppressive in both summer and winter. In winter, one could open the casement windows but in the summer, the apartments became ovens. Since older persons aren’t sensitive to high temperatures, they were at danger of suffering heat stroke, and sometimes they died.
When I came to work in the mornings, I often had to walk up to the tenth floor because the elevators weren’t working. I climbed the stairs slowly, stopping to rest often. The exercise was good, I reasoned. I could tell which floor I was on by the hand written number on the inside of the door. Or by the smells that seeped under the doorsill. I would arrive early, lock the clinic door behind me, heat up a pot of coffee, and sit in one of the mismatched chairs in the waiting room. Enjoying the silence and watching the sun rise above the Chicago skyline, I wondered who would walk through the clinic door that day.
Book Synopsis:
Running a clinic for seniors requires a lot more than simply providing medical care. In Stories from the Tenth-Floor Clinic, Marianna Crane chases out scam artists and abusive adult children, plans a funeral, signs her own name to social security checks, and butts heads with her staff—two spirited older women who are more well-intentioned than professional—even as she deals with a difficult situation at home, where the tempestuous relationship with her own mother is deteriorating further than ever before. Eventually, however, Crane maneuvers her mother out of her household and into an apartment of her own—but only after a power struggle and no small amount of guilt—and she finally begins to learn from her older staff and her patients how to juggle traditional health care with unconventional actions to meet the complex needs of a frail and underserved elderly population.
About the Author:
Marianna Crane became one of the first gerontological nurse practitioners in the early 1980s. A nurse for over forty years she has worked in hospitals, clinics, home care, and hospice settings.She writes to educate the public about what nurses really do. Her work has appeared in The New York Times, The Eno River Literary Journal,Examined Life Journal, Hospital Drive, Stories That Need to be Told: A Tulip Tree Anthology, and Pulse: Voices from the Heart of Medicine.
She lives with her husband in Raleigh, North Carolina.
Her book: Stories from the Tenth-Floor Clinic: A Nurse Remembers will be published November 6. She lives with her husband in Raleigh, North Carolina.
Contact information:
Blog: nursingstories.org
Twitter: @mariannacrane
Facebook: marianncraneauthor@facebook
Ordering information (book will be available on November 6th)
Barnes and Noble:
Amazon:
https://www.amazon.com/Stories-Tenth-Floor-Clinic-Practitioner-Amazon:
page 158 books:
https://www.page158books.com/search/site/stories%2520from%2520the%2520tenth-floor%2520clinic
***
How about you? We welcome your thoughts on viewing setting/building as a central character in a memoir.
We’d love to hear from you. Please join in the conversation below~
***
Next Week:
Monday, 11/12/18:
“Lessons From My Blogging Break: So What’s the Hurry?”
November 1, 2018
Memoir Writing Month: Is Writing a Memoir Worth Your Time? by Denis LeDoux
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler with Denis LeDoux/@denisledoux
November is Memoir Writing Month and I am thrilled to have Denis LeDoux, founder of The Memoir Network to offer this program to help you in your goal of writing a memoir. An acknowledged leader in the memoir-writing field, Denis has been helping people like you to be the best memoir writer they can be since 1988. His most recent contribution is the Write Your First Memoir Draft Program. Over the next ten weeks, you could learn to write better, deeper memoir and to write more quickly and with more satisfaction. Enroll today. Denis is also the author of the classic Turning Memories Into Memoirs / A Handbook for Writing Lifestories and many other memoir-writing books. Join our FREE My Memoir Education membership. It’s easy to register, and you’ll receive tons of free materials.
Welcome, Denis!
Memoir Author and Teacher Denis Ledoux
Is Writing a Memoir Worth Your Time?
Worth the time to write?” I repeated—raising my voice into a question—when a man said to me recently that most people didn’t have a memoir that was worth their time to write.
“Not only is every life worth writing about,” I countered, “but the writing of memoir is a healing and developmental process for the writer. There is something precious in the telling of every tale. And, I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t happy to have a memoir of a father or mother.”
Let me say first of all, that it is appropriate to consign some stories solely to family readership. There is nothing “wrong” with a small audience. The value of any piece of writing is not measured by how many people—total numbers—have read it. This emphasis on size is a spin-off of the commercialization of worth. It is a result of the creation and promotion of the “superstar” in our culture. Using this criterion, the bestseller lists should be chock full of classics in the making!
The worth of a memoir is better measured by the inherent value to the writer and to its selected audience. The act of writing will change you and your relationship to your life. Writing is significant for itself.
That said, I think that it is also possible to reach a larger audience. In the next newsletter, I will offer four suggestions to make your story appeal to a larger public.
Make your story appeal to a larger public
Meanwhile, keep writing your memoir. The effort is worth it no matter who the audience is. Here are four suggestions to make your story appeal to a larger public.
1) Write a story that is truly well written and whose reading—the prose itself—will bring joy to your reader. To do this, you will need to make effective use of a number of fiction writing techniques including images, metaphors, similes, suspense, foreshadowing, and dialog. You can succeed at creating a well-written memoir that will bring pleasure to its readers.
2) Find what is truly unique about your story and explore that thread. Perhaps you were a prisoner of war or you have given birth to triplets. People love to read about a personal experience that is different and unique. And it is highly probable that you have done something in your life that is unique—even if it is only during a small portion of your life. Perhaps there was a time when you tried to reconcile a liberal political view with a conservative religious group or perhaps you were afflicted with a malady that vanished when you took a special cure. Linger with your story a while and your uniqueness may come to you. Remember that the uniqueness does not have to appeal to the masses.
3) Set your story in a historical context. Perhaps you were the first person to do something in your group or community—the first man to graduate from a hitherto all-women’s college. Perhaps you were in the Iraq War and you wish to write a memoir from the point of view of an ordinary soldier or perhaps you were a pacifist who opposed the war. Perhaps you were housemaid to the Bushes in Kennebunkport and have stories to tell about national figures that frequented the house where you worked. To succeed at setting your story in a larger historical context, you will obviously have to learn about the historical context and be able to write about it with ease. Begin by reading about the historical context and from that may come your story.
4) Find the psychological/spiritual/cultural drama in your story. It often happens that writers can write about the psychological or spiritual unfolding of their personality and in doing so write about the “universal,” the typical unfolding and development of a personality or of the soul. This treatment of your memoir sets your life experience as a possible model. An example would be how you became an artist or how you have had an experience of enlightenment or how you rose from rags to riches.
The value of a memoir is measured by the inherent value to the writer and to its selected audience pursuing the same sort of life. If you want to reach a larger audience, it is important to position your story.
These four possibilities demonstrate how to go about making an otherwise ordinary life into a story that can appeal to a larger audience. It is in the rewriting stage, as you struggle with the story that is trying both to remain hidden and to come out, that you will most likely achieve the insights that will appeal to a broader readership. So keep writing. It is possible for you to produce a story that is not only worth your time to write but worth someone else’s time to read.
Action Steps
Make a memoir-writing mission statement
What motivates you to write your memoirs? Compile a list of reasons (e.g., “I’ve had an interesting life and I want to share my experience”; “I need to understand why I was always attracted to jobs that I would fail at.”). Does this list include reasons that will motivate you to keep writing?
Now place the items from your list of motivators in a mission statement. This statement can begin with “I am dedicated to writing my lifestories because…
This mission statement, which will list benefits you foresee in taking no this project, is likely to change as you pursue lifewriting and become more and more aware of its possibilities. What’s important now is that your statement expresses your motivation and that referring to it helps to keep you writing.
Review your statement periodically. Change it or add to it as you need to, but always articulate what motivates you to write.
In conclusion…
Whatever you do today, write a bit on your memoir.
Denis Ledoux and the Memoir Network Team
In celebration of November is Memoir Writing Month, you will find a month’s worth of lifewriting activities coming to you one day at a time. (That’s right 30 activities.) Each day offers a link to an article or a resource for you to check out and will be starting on November 1.
Denis Ledoux will also be offering two FREE tele-classes on different Memoir Writing topics. As a member of the November is Memoir Writing Month Program, you will receive information on both tele-classes. To join, CLICK HERE.
Next Week:
Monday, 11/5/18;
“Building as Character by Memoirist Marianna Crane.”
Marianna is the author of Stories From the Tenth Floor Clinic: A Nurse Practitioner Remembers.
October 29, 2018
Falling in Love with Patchwork by Memoirist Mary Jo Doig
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler with Mary Jo Doig
” A quilt is a work of heart”
I am very pleased to feature memoirist Mary Jo Doig in this guest post about her new memoir, Patchwork: A Memoir of Love and Loss. Mary describes how she used a patchwork quilt as a metaphor for telling her story. Years ago when I first started out writing memoir, I remember thinking of vignettes as patches of material that would eventually be sewn together to create a story. Mary’s description of her process fascinates me!
My reviews of her memoir can be found on Amazon, Goodreads, LibraryThings and Riffle Books.
Welcome, Mary Jo!
Memoirist Mary Jo Doig
Falling in Love with Patchwork
Finding patchwork. Although I was an incurious, distractible student during my first eight years of school, as I look back, two outstanding moments top an otherwise unremarkable list. I learned to read in the first grade and learned to sew in my seventh-grade home economics class. Both became lifelong pleasures. After high school graduation and a bumpy ten-year voyage through college, I married and moved to a small, upstate New York Catskill mountain community. The art of quilting was a vibrant part of the approximately 400 eclectic residents’ lives there and had been since the town was settled in the early 1800s.
I had never seen a handmade quilt and was fascinated with the craft. There, in tiny rural Bovina Center, Marilyn Gallant, a life-long friend and quilter, taught me to make a friendship quilt. That occasion marked my easy fall into love with patchwork and the creation of more subsequent quilts than I can count anymore. I could not have dreamed how this passion for patchwork became the perfect venue in later life to both frame and tell my layered story.
Layer 1: Threading light stories with dark ones. A life changing moment in my fifth decade returned me to my long-dormant writing practice, in particular, journaling. A decade later, when I began to write life stories from those notes, they eventually transformed into chapters. While I enjoyed scribing the happy stories, I avoided the dark ones. I drafted them out, but didn’t return to edit them. Fortunately, time awakened me to the notion that viewing each chapter as an individual piece of patchwork, when gathered together, comprised my life’s story.
But what about those dark stories? I finally realized a quilt could hold dark squares along with the light ones and still be beautiful. Yet could that concept work when viewing a life heavily mixed of both? I believed it could, and returned to those painful dark stories, with new understanding of how integral they were to the entire whole.
Layer 2: Titling each chapter with a patchwork pattern name. I researched the names of mostly old and some new patchwork creations to see if I could use pattern names to not only title my chapters, but also reflect the content of each. I soon grasped that I could and the exploration became a delightful adventure. For example, I titled Chapter 6 “Shadow Play,” an account of our family life when I was 6-8 years old. My father had gotten a new job that changed our lives. As I wrote the chapter I easily saw the background shadows that preceded his eventual step through a doorway into life’s dark side. When I found the “Shadow Play” pattern, I knew it was the perfect title.
Not long after, I completed my list of 30 chapter titles. Energized and excited, I decided I would create the patterns, make the squares, then craft a quilt. The quilt would become my cover.
Layer 3: Threading clues to a long-time mystery behavior. In a re-read of Carol Smallwood’s “Lily’s Odyssey,” I remembered how much I’d liked the way she created a mystery within her story. A life-long mystery-lover myself, I saw that my story was, in part, a mystery. I threaded clues throughout Part I, showing the decades of my quiet and unnoticed, yet troubled behavior. When a crisis arrived in Part II, it was beyond belief, but unfortunately true. The mystery was solved.
Then, of course, a problem. After creating several squares, including Baby Blocks and Hands of Friendship, I made the complex, lovely Sunshine and Shadow for an important chapter. The pattern was difficult and suddenly I realized, with 24 squares remaining, my wonderful project was trickier and more time consuming than I could spare. With sorrow, I ended it, not knowing what to do. A few months later Sherry Wachter, a wonderfully talented graphic designer, created the squares as graphic illustrations. I was delighted.
Layer 4: A solution to the cover problem. When the time arrived to choose a professionally-designed cover, I sought a patchwork theme. Several beautiful choices arrived, except for one. It was gorgeous. The longer I gazed at that cover, the more layers of my story I could see in it. The darkly-shaded outer edges lightened into a center that was warm and golden. In our lives we move from darkness into the light, I reflected. Within the center light, a gorgeous growing plant – my tree of life, I call it – held heart-shaped leaves that symbolized for me the treasured people who had accompanied me through my life. In the end love is all there is.
I was so moved I decided to make a wall-hanging quilt that emulated Patchwork’s stunning cover, designed by Leah Lococo.
Layer 5: The final threads: I searched my memoir and made a list of each person I’d written about who had been a significant part of my journey. There were 35, along with several strangers whose names I’d never know and so many writers I’d worked with through the decades. I tenderly stitched a leaf for each on my tree.
And, so, below is the quilt that holds my heart leaves on my tree of life, fashioned after my book cover design. I am grateful to you, Kathy Pooler, for hosting me here and so happy to post the first-ever photograph of the quilt that now hangs on my office wall. Always close to me and visual whenever my eyes look up from my work, my tree of life graces me with gratitude for my odyssey and for each person who traveled with me.
Mary Jo’s patchwork quilt
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Thank you, Mary Jo for sharing your insights and wisdom about memoir writing. Your patchwork quilt is a treasure!
***
Book Synopsis:
A wife and mother of a grown son and two teen daughters, a woman enjoying her career and life, Mary Jo Doig wants nothing more from life than to live out her days embraced by the deep roots of family, friends, and her community. Tightly wrapped in a life-long protective cocoon, she has no idea how wounded she is―until, on one starless night following the death of a relative, she has a flashback that opens a dark passageway back to her childhood and the horrific secrets buried deep inside her psyche.
Part mystery and part inspirational memoir, Patchwork is the riveting story of one woman who strived to live a life full of love, only to endure tragedies with two of her children and struggles in her marriages―the consequences of a mysterious life-long behavior unnoticed by her family or teachers. Like a needle stitching together a quilt, the memories Mary Jo recovers following her first flashback show her why her early years were threaded with a need to be invisible, as well as core beliefs that she was stupid, not good enough, and vastly different from her peers. Shattered by these revelations, overcome by depression, hopelessness, and a loss of trust in others, Mary Jo embarks on a healing journey through the underground of her life that ultimately leads to transformation.
About the Author:
Mary Jo Doig is a life-writing enthusiast who has been coaching women to tell their truth for twenty years. She is a book reviewer, editor, and facilitator of women’s writing circles and legacy workshops.
Her stories have been published in Inside and Out: Women’s Truths, Women’s Stories and Kitchen Table Stories. Mary Jo writes in the Blue Ridge Mountains, where she treasures quilting, cooking healthy food, hiking with her rescue dogs, and spending time with family and friends.
website: maryjodoig,com
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How about you? Have you thought of memoir writing as piecing together of a patchwork quilt?
We’d love to hear from you. Please join in the conversation below~
***
ANNOUNCEMENT: October 22-31 sale
In honor of National Domestic Violence Awareness month, my memoir, Ever Faithful to His Lead : My Journey Away From Emotional Abuse will be on sale for $.99. Let’s stop the silence surrounding abuse.
This Week:
October 2018 Newsletter: Updates, Memoir Musings and Max Moments.
“The Winds of Change”
Thursday, 11/1/18:
“Memoir Writing Month: Is Writing a Memoir Worth Your Time? by Denis Ledoux”
Next Week:
Monday, November 5:
“Building as Character by Memoirist Marianna Crane.”
Marianna is the author of Stories From the Tenth-Floor Clinic, A Nurse Practitioner Remembers “an honest and compassionate look at what it takes to care for some of America’s most vulnerable citizens.” (Kirkus Reviews)
October 22, 2018
Who is Your Target Audience For Your Memoir?
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler
Author’s Note: For the month of October I will be re-blogging previous posts as I take a break from blogging. This post was originally posted on September 9, 2013. I’ll check in from time to time in case you wish to leave any comments.
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Who is the Target Audience For Your Memoir?
“Have faith. There’s someone out there who has waited their whole life to read your story.“ Chris Baty, founder of NaNoWriMo in his closing speech, The Drive to Write, at the Writer’s Digest Annual Conference in NYC, January, 2012.
The above words struck me so deeply as I sat in the closing session of the conference that tears welled up in my eyes. For that moment I was spellbound by the vision of someone, a reader holding my book in his or her hands. It made me question,
Who exactly am I writing for?
Photo Credit: iStock Photo “People Search”
I needed to define my “target audience”, the people who will be interested in and moved by my message and story. Otherwise why would they go to the trouble of buying my book or downloading it on their e-readers and why would they spend their time with or even care about my story? Why would they want to follow my blog or follow me on Twitter?
The answer to that question only came when I could answer another question:
What is the purpose of sharing my life story?
Mandee Sears poses these questions in her blog post on Who is Your Audience/Memoir::
“Am I writing to leave a legacy for my family? Am I writing for mainstream publication? Am I just journaling for the pleasure of getting my emotions down on paper for myself?”
These are important decisions that must be made before we as writers can decide how much time and energy we are willing to put into our efforts.
Underlying all of this is a commitment to put our best work out there.
Jane Friedman defines target audience as an essential component of an author platform,along with “visibility, authority and proven reach” in this post on A”Definition of Author Platform.
I have set a goal to publish my memoir. For the past four years I have been learning my craft of memoir writing and building my platform.
I would like to share what I have learned about defining my target audience from taking Dan Blank‘s Build Your Author Platform Course and beyond. Dan’s course laid the foundation for defining, focusing, targeting, creating, sharing and growing.
As I was thinking about redesigning and upgrading my website I responded to a tweet calling for volunteers to have their website reviewed online by Caitlin Muir of Author Media. As a result of this critique I arranged a consultation with Caitlin to discuss website strategies This included identifying ways to improve my readership by building a community around a core idea which for me has been chronicling my memoir writer’s journey including memoir writing/publishing/social media tips and sharing hope one story at a time around my kitchen table.
Caitlin also has an excellent post on “How to Build Your Community on Your Blog” which sums up the process. She asked me these questions:
How can I differentiate myself from others who blog about memoir writing?
W ho am I writing for, both on my blog and in my memoir?
Where do I find them?
Caitlin suggested that I write with personas in mind and directed me through a series of questions about my audience . She asked me to describe three different “personas” in these terms:
*What is the name?
*What motivates that person?
*What are they trying to accomplish?
*What are their goals, their attitudes their behaviors in relation to what they want?
From there, we developed strategies for helping each one.
Here’s an example of one persona: Molly Memoirist is a middle-aged woman who has always had a dream to write. She is full of stories but doesn’t know where to begin. She has a loud inner critic that she doesn’t know how to silence. She just needs a friend to show her the ropes. She’s had a painful past that she doesn’t talk about. She’s plowing through the pain.”
Now that I can visualize Molly, I can write to her by sharing how-to steps, ways to get started, ways to deal with her inner critic or share my own story so that she may gain some hope for herself.
Based on this profile Caitlin also suggested doing a blog series on “Blogging for Retirees” and package it as an e-book.
The main idea is that if you specifically define your target audience , you can focus on meeting their needs. I have learned that it doesn’t work to say that your blog or your book will appeal to everyone.
It won’t.
Knowing my readers by listening to what they are saying, what they value, what they are looking for has helped me to find and build my audience. I have found them on Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn Group Discussion groups, Google+ , Pinterest and through tapping into my established memoir community- National Association of Memoir Writers (NAMW), Story Circle Network, Fireheart Writer’s Institute and Women Writers and Artist Matrix, Yahoo Lifewriter’s Forum as well as face-to-face meetings at writer’s conferences.
Once we meet , I can invite them around my kitchen a table at Memoir Writer’s Journey for some writerly conversations and sharing hope one story at a time so we can all continue to learn from one another.
Know that I appreciate all of you and I hope to keep connecting with new people.
Here are a few useful resources I found related to the discussion of target audience:
How to Attract an Audience by Integrating Content,Social and Search– a fascinating radio interview by Copyblogger Media’s Copywriter, Robert Bruce with Lee Odden, Author and CEO of TopRank Online Marketing Team.
Writing for an Audience Can be Dangerous- an interesting perspective by Author and Editor, CS Lakin.
How Do I Get Attention in a Crowded Field?- an inspiring how-to blog post by Author and Book-Marketing Educator Jonathan Fields.
Identifying your Unique Message:The Core of Your Marketing Strategies– an enlightening blog post by Author and Business Woman, Marsha Friedman on steps you need to take before developing your marketing plan
How about you? Who are you writing for? Do you know your target audience? Do you know where to find them? Do you know what they are looking for?
This Week:
ANNOUNCEMENT:
In honor of National Domestic Violence Awareness month, the ebook version of my memoir, Ever Faithful to His Lead: My Journey Away From Emotional Abuse will be on sale for $.99 from 10/22-31 on Amazon, Smashwords, Barnes and Noble, Kobo and Apple iTunes Store.
***
Next Week:
Monday, 10/29/18:
“Falling in Love with Patchwork by Memoirist Mary Jo Doig”
October 2018 Newsletter: Updates, Memoir Musings and Max Moments:
“The Winds of Change”
If you are interested in receiving this monthly newsletter in your inbox, please sign up in the right side bar. I’d love to have you along!
October 15, 2018
Deciding on the Right Tense for Your Memoir
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler
Author’s Note: For the month of October I will be re-blogging previous posts as I take a break from blogging. This post was originally posted on June 20, 2016. I’ll check in from time to time in case you wish to leave any comments.
***
Deciding on the Right Tense for Your Memoir
“It ain’t whatcha write, it’s the way atcha write it.” ~ Jack Kerouac, WD
Whether you write fiction or nonfiction, you need to find an effective way to engage your readers. Tense is one method among many to develop your narrative.
Have you wondered what tense would work best with your story?
I did. In writing my memoir, I struggled with whether to use past or present tense. Past tense can seem more distant while present tense has a more immediate feel to it…but it’s tricky.
Most memoirs are in the past tense since memoir is about past life events. But memoir is more than a litany of life events. The element of reflection about those life events adds depth to their meaning.
There are two points-of view as described by memoirist Sue William Silverman in her writing resource book, Fearless Confessions. The “Voice of Innocence” relates the facts of the story and reveals “the raw emotions describing the person you were” and the “Voice of Experience ” which “explains and deepens the Voice of Innocence through reflection.”(p.52). The narrator serves two roles, a now and a then in a first-person point-of-view.
In order to bring your reader deep into your experience in as authentic a way as possible the memoirist needs to place herself back in time and recapture the sights, sounds, smells and feelings of a past scene. This requires more than a flight back into memory which, at best, is flawed and diminished over time. Research, therefore, becomes an essential part of the process of memory recall.
But, in order to find depth and meaning in these life events, the narrator needs to explore insights about them. In doing so, the writer makes sense of the event and helps the reader connect to their own life story.
Photo Credit: Flickr Creative Commons
But why is it so hard to figure out what tense to use?
Reflection and introspection are what make memoir unique. Not only do we recall the memory, we find meaning in it. A good memoir offers a universal truth through a personal story; a takeaway for the reader.
My takeaway was: You need to claim your strength in order to have a life you want and deserve. I had to show through scenes how I didn’t claim my inner strength (the then narrator or Voice of Innocence). Then I had to show how I learned to claim my inner strength (the now narrator). The now narrator or Voice of Experience reflected on the past event. Sometimes, a combination of present and past tenses were used.
Excerpts from my memoir, Ever Faithful to His Lead: My Journey Away From Emotional Abuse, Chapter 25: New Year’s Resolution, 1976:
Voice of Innocence: (past tense):
Other than the fact that I was six inches taller it was fun to get dressed up and act like an adult. I pulled up the stockings and attached them to the metal clasps from the garter belt, pulled my lime-green, knee-length dress with a rhinestone design on the bodice over my gentle curves, and slipped on my black patent-leather flats, then brushed my hair back into a pony tail. It was my first real formal preparation in social etiquette; a practice run for how to act in formal social situations.
When Michael’s turn came, I knew he was going to ask me to the cotillion and I knew I was going to feel disappointed when I had to turn him down. And I was. But I couldn’t hurt Ron’s feelings.
Voice of Experience: (past and present tense):
I realized years later that this pattern of failing to put my needs first was my undoing. Until a woman learns to love herself above all others, she ends up serving those she loves poorly because her happiness is compromised.
I had to experiment:
At one point, I changed the entire manuscript to present tense. But it didn’t feel right so I compromised:
I changed back to past tense.
I wrote a scene and what I was thinking at the time (reflection) in the past tense as the experience was in the past. However, I changed to present tense for introspection, i.e “ Sometimes, I wonder if..” (now narrator).
There’s no one right way to decide. Either tense can be used. Many memoirists have written their memoirs in present tense and been successful.
Here are a few of many examples of successful memoirs written in the present tense or a combination of present and past tenses:
Jesusland by Julia Scheeres. Julia wrote her story in the present tense but added her Voice of Experience reflections in italics at the end of each chapter.
Runway: Confessions of a Not-So-Super-Model by Meghan Ward. Meghan chose to write her story from the 18-year old-narrator in the present tense and not add a reflection from the Voice of Experience. She felt that she showed the events and let the reader form their own opinions.
This Boy’s Life by Tobias Wolff. Wolff combines tenses by presenting the story in the past tense then adding present tense reflections and dialogue to the passage.
Swimming with Maya: A Mother’s Story by Eleanor Vincent. Vincent writes the majority of her story in the present tense, but changes to the past tense for flashback scenes.
Some closing thoughts:
Whatever tense you choose, be consistent so as not to confuse the reader and to keep them in the story with you.
While past tense is the most common tense used in memoir, you can experiment with using the present tense and see if it resonates with your story.
Switching tenses can be tricky and while it can be done, it is probably better reserved for the more experienced writer. Beginning writers would best advised to avoid until they are clear on what they are doing.
I say write in the tense that feels right to you and resonates with your story. If it resonates with you , it likely will resonate with your reader.
Photo Credit: Flickr Creative Commons
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Here are some links to excellent resources if you need more help trying to decide what tense to use when you write:
“A Few Memoir Pitfalls and How to Avoid Them” by Debra G. Wartney
“Memoir Lessons: Writing Memoir in the Present Tense” by Marion Roach
“What Tense and Point of View Should I Use in My Memoir? by Alison Taylor
“Top 10 Things All Memoir Writers Need to Pay Attention To” by Linda Joy Myers
“Memoir Monday- Talking About Tense” by Meghan Ward
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How about you? When you read, do you prefer past or present tense? When you write, which tense do you tend to use? Do you feel it makes a big difference in the reading/writing experience? Do you have any tips to add about tense?
***
Next Week:
Monday, 10/22/18:
“Who is the Target Audience for Your Memoir?”
ANNOUNCEMENT:
In honor of National Domestic Violence Awareness month, the ebook version of my memoir, Ever Faithful to His Lead: My Journey Away From Emotional Abuse will be on sale for $.99 from 10/22-31 on Amazon, Smashwords, Barnes and Noble.
October 10, 2018
Author Spotlight: Mary Maurice, WOW Blog Tour
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler
Welcome to Mary Maurice’s WOW Blog Tour for her new novel, The Suicide Letters of Jack Monroe.
Author Mary Maurice
Hello, one and all! My name is Mary Maurice, and I would like to welcome you into my world of writing! Never before have you read such woven words of mystery and intrigued, keeping you on the edge of your seat, with tongue moistening lips as you flip from page to page! Sit down with me and experience a world of twisting and turning plots as I invite you into the land of “The Suicide Letters of Jack Monroe”, “Burtum Lee” and Fruit Loops the Serial Killer!
Paperback: 232 pages
Publisher: Silver Leaf Books (September 10, 2018)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 1609752376
ISBN-13: 978-1609752378
Synopsis
Susan Jordan awakens at her Santa Fe apartment, cloudy and disoriented. Her clothing is unfamiliar. Where has she been? Her nose crinkles as she smells his scent. Jack’s back! Rubber filled legs brace against the stone cold tile floor as she reaches for the pile of mail haplessly setting on the table. Dozens of letters! Jack Monroe never stops. Susan wishes he would just leave, take his advice and go back to Detroit. He’s gaining to much control! He’s taking over!
***
Excerpt from The Suicide Letters of Jack Monroe:
Dear Susan,
I have nothing against suicide. I just hope it’s for the right reasons.
There’s been no word from you since my arrival here in Santa Fe, and I’m wondering how you are. As you know, I came to the Southwest to try to talk you out of going through with your plans–per your request–and I’d hoped to have seen you by now.
I understand, though. Your life is in an upheaval, and I’m sure you don’t know which way is up or down, and believe me, sister, I know what you’re going through. I wouldn’t be here right now had it not been for the saving grace of something unknown.
Anywho, I won’t get into that right now!
I don’t know how you can stand this dry, hot air. I can barely breathe, and every time I do, I inhale dust. My tongue is all white and cracked, like dried curdled milk. Give me a stale Oreo, and I’d have a snack.
And the architecture. What’s with the mud huts? I don’t get it. Personally, I’ll take the dusty, crime filled streets of Detroit; at least there’s some action there. Maybe that’s part of the problem. You need a change of venue. A new environment. A place where your blood can start flowing again, and you can take in some oxygen.
Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not suggesting you move back to Michigan. I’m just saying maybe your senses need a different scene.
Guess I’m not giving Santa Fe a fair chance; I’ve only been in this town a few days. Maybe the right vibe just has to set in. After all, some locals say this place is magical, that there’s a huge crystal right below the foundation of the city. from way back when, guess it began right after all the volcanoes blew up. Believe what you must!
I think with the two of us working on this problem, we can brainstorm and figure out what you should do with your life. Then you can decide if you want to end it.
Believe me Susan, as I said before, since I opened my business, Suicide Letters by Jack Monroe, I’ve lost no clients; few there were. Plus, you have to remember it was you who contacted me; so deep down, in some hidden way, you must want my help.
I’m roasting as the hot Southwest sun rises over my shoulder, streaming into the side of my eye. The brightness blinds me for a moment. I see silver sparkles dancing against a black setting, kind of like a bad reel-to-reel, flickering like a strobe light. I glimpse pictures of myself as a child, young and fearful. Wondering about the moment death gives birth to finality. Did I know then what I don’t know now?
Maybe!
Your Friend,
Jack Monroe
***
About Mary
Mary Maurice wrote her first poem when she was in the ninth grade, and hasn’t stopped writing since. Catching the fire at an early age, she continues to dedicate her time to the craft.Ms. Maurice has completed several novels of fiction and poetry, and has performed readings in distinct cities around the country. She presently resides in Sante Fe, New Mexico.
Website: www.marymaurice.com
Other Books by Mary:
Bertram Lee- A Scientific Mystery
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WOW Blog Tour:
Monday September 17th @ WOW! Women on Writing
Interview & Giveaway!
http://muffin.wow-womenonwriting.com/
Tuesday, September 18th @ World of My Imagination
Nicole reviews The Suicide Letters of Jack Monroe for readers at World of My Imagination. Don’t miss this chance to learn more about Mary Maurice’s latest work!
https://theworldofmyimagination.blogspot.com/
Wednesday, September 19th @ Beverley A. Baird
Beverley A. Baird reads and reviews Mary Maurice’s latest work, The Suicide Letters of Jack Monroe and shares her thoughts on this page turning novel!
https://beverleyabaird.wordpress.com/
Thursday, September 20th @ Choices with Madeline Sharples
Mary Maurice writes an intriguing guest post at Choices today. She talks about ” “. Don’t miss this post and opportunity to learn about The Suicide Letters of Jack Monroe.
Thursday, September 20th @ Lisa Haselton Reviews and Interviews
Lisa Haselton interviews Mary Maurice about Maurice’s latest novel The Suicide Letters of Jack Monroe
http://lisahaseltonsreviewsandinterviews.blogspot.com/
Friday, September 21st @ Bring on Lemons with Crystal Otto
Crystal reviews The Suicide Letters of Jack Monroe as readers of Bring on Lemons learn more about this latest page turner by Mary Maurice!
http://bringonlemons.blogspot.com/
Monday, September 24th @ Cathy Stucker’s Selling Books
Don’t miss today’s interview with Mary Maurice and learn more about her latest book The Suicide Letters of Jack Monroe.
Tuesday, September 25th @ Words from the Heart with Rev. Linda Neas
Linda reviews The Suicide Letters of Jack Monroe for readers at Words from the Heart!
https://contemplativeed.blogspot.com/
Wednesday, September 26th @ Bring on Lemons with Michelle DelPonte
Wisconsin mother Michelle DelPonte reviews The Suicide Letters of Jack Monroe for readers at Bring on Lemons – will this be a lemon or some tasty lemonade?
http://bringonlemons.blogspot.com/
Thursday, September 27th @ A Day in the Life of Mom
Ashley Bass reviews Mary Maurice’s latest page turner, The Suicide Letters of Jack Monroe. Don’t miss her insight and thoughts on this exciting new book!
https://adayinthelifeofmom.com/
Monday, October 1st @ Strength 4 Spouses
Stop by Wendi Huskin’s blog Strength 4 Spouses where she shares her thoughts about Mary Maurice’s The Suicide Letters of Jack Monroe.
Tuesday, October 2nd @ Coffee with Lacey
Lacey reads and reviews the unusual and intriguing new novel by Mary Maurice – you won’t want to miss her thoughts about The Suicide Letters of Jack Monroe.
https://coffeewithlacey.wordpress.com/
Wednesday, October 10th @Kathleen Pooler’s Memoir Writer’s Journey
Author Spotlight at Memoir Writer’s Journey. Don’t miss this opportunity to hear from Maurice and learn more about her latest work – The Suicide Letters of Jack Monroe.
Friday, October 12th @ Author Anthony Avina
Fellow author Anthony Avina reviews The Suicide Letters of Jack Monroe by Mary Maurice!
http://www.authoranthonyavinablog.com
***
Next Week:
Monday, 10/15/18:
“Deciding on the Right Tense for Your Memoir””
October 8, 2018
Characterization in Memoir
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler
Author’s Note: For the month of October I will be re-blogging previous posts as I take a break from blogging. This post was originally posted on October 15, 2012. I’ll check in from time to time in case you wish to leave any comments.
***
Characterization in Memoir
“We know what a person thinks not when he tells us what he thinks, but by his actions.” Isaac Bashevis Singer in The New York Times Magazine.
There are real characters in our lives, as in “He’s a real character” and there are the real characters in our memoirs or novels. The characters in a memoir are real people. The characters in a novel involve people who seem real. They may be crafted with real people in mind. Either way, they need to be brought to life to our readers in authentic, believable and engaging ways.
A memoir is so much more than capturing a personal history. In order to connect with the reader, the memoir writer has to turn life events into a story that reads like a novel. To accomplish this, memoir writers are required to use the same techniques as fiction writers.
The difference is fiction writers have the liberty to create their characters in any way their imaginations allow within the realm of believability. Memoir writers are obligated to stay true to the real person.
The questions for memoir writers become:
How do I convey my true life experiences in ways that bring my stories and characters to life on the page?
How creative can I be while still staying true to the real people in my life who happen to show up in my memoir?
How can I shine a light on my story and my characters in a way that engages my readers?
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Photo Credit: “Step into the Light Carol-Ann” by Abulic Monkeys Uploaded from Flickr, Creative Commons
Since a memoir writer not only tells a story but reflects upon the people and events that lead to growth and change, character development becomes an essential element in the story.
Who am I? Who have I become? Who has influenced me on my journey? How have they influenced me? How do I make my characters interesting and human (multidimensional- not all good and not all bad)?
In memoir writing, I know who these people are but how can I convey the essence of who they are to the reader? How can I bring these real characters to life on the pages? How can I portray myself and my characters in a realistic and believable way?
What will make the reader want to read more about my characters- myself included?
Lisa Koning, a freelance writer answered these questions for me in a series of posts at Suite101.com:
“ Identify the little details about them that make them stand apart from the crowd by keeping a journal of each character- including the basics of physical traits to where they like to go on vacation.
Since you cannot know what they think, you have to rely on what they say or do- typical mannerisms, dialogue.”
“Grab your reader’s interest in the first scene. Start with action.
Appeal to the senses
Focus on the small details so the reader can recognize something in their own life.
Share your thoughts and feelings
Pull it together leaving the reader feeling like the story is complete.”
C.S. Lakin, Author and Editor notes in this post on “Character Arcs” on her blog Live, Write ,Thrive:
“A character taken on an inner journey should end up seeing new things about self.”
I would add here that often times, it is the people in our lives who help us discover who we are and where we need to go. Bringing them to life for the reader will help the reader experience the story in a more intimate way.
In summary, here are some ways to help bring characters to life on the pages:
Research your characters- keep a journal of traits, unique features. Try people-watching. Listen to how people speak, walk, what makes them smile or laugh.
Journal – your thoughts, feelings, reflections in response to characters
Study photos -try to recapture the essence of a person by their facial expression, their clothes, and their stance.
Include the five senses in scenes . Here is an excellent post by Fiction Author Jody Hedlund on “Using the 5 Senses to Make Our Characters Jump Off the Page”. I love the part about awakening our senses by unplugging from the internet. She offers some practical tips on how to maximize the use of sensory details.
I highly recommend Angela Ackerman and Becca Puglisi’s new resource book for writers, The Emotion Thesaurus: A Writer’s Guide to Character Expression. It provides lists of unique descriptions- physical, internal sensations, mental responses as well as tips- for showing common emotions.
Here’s an excerpt of a scene from my memoir-in-progress, Chapter Two: The Awakening that I changed after using The Emotion Thesaurus to convey “nervousness”:
The phone rang and when Carol answered it, she lowered the receiver to her leg and asked me if I wanted to speak with Dan. Pursing her lips and shaking her head in disapproval, she handed me the phone.
Even though I had told Dan I would not be coming back despite his pleas to reconsider, when I returned to the couch, she said,
“You’ll do it again,” nodding repetitively.
How could she be so sure? It scared me to think she might be right. I sat motionless before her, feeling naked and vulnerable, like she knew a truth I was yet to find out. Would I do it again-risk my mental health and the safety and welfare of my children just to have a man in my life?
Rubbing the back of my neck, I cleared my throat. Looking down, I noticed my right leg was bouncing. Leigh and Brian (my children) sat across from me fidgeting and firing questions at me about seeing their friends and being able to go back to school. Luckily it was Friday and I had the weekend to figure it out. Closing my eyes, I took a calming breath.
How about you? How do you bring your characters to life on the page?
***
This Week:
Wednesday, 10/10/18:
“Author Spotlight: Mary Maurice, A WOW Blog Tour”
Mary is the author of a novel, The Suicide Letters of Jack Monroe.
Next Week:
Monday, 10/15/18:
“Deciding on the Right Tense for Your Memoir”
October 1, 2018
Tips on Publishing a Memoir
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler
Author’s Note: For the month of October I will be re-blogging previous posts as I take a break from blogging. This post was originally posted on June 2, 2014. At the time, I was getting ready to publish my first memoir, Ever Faithful to His Lead: My Journey Away From Emotional Abuse. It remains relevant today as I get ready to publish my second memoir, Just the Way He Walked: A Mother’s Story of Hope and Healing. I’ll check in from time to time in case you wish to leave any comments.
Tips on Publishing a Memoir
“If you have a dream, don’t just sit there. Gather courage to believe that you can succeed and leave no stone unturned to make it a reality.”
―
Roopleen
When I think of what has brought me from the desire to write a book to publishing a memoir, I think of the 3 P’s:
Purpose-driven Passion:
The desire to find a story then share it with the world requires every bit of stamina, focus and commitment one can muster. Once I found my story of getting into and out of two emotionally abusive marriages, I was able to make a firm commitment (to myself) to get my story out there. I became connected to my purpose for writing and sharing a message of hope, resilience and courage for those who found themselves in similar circumstances. It is possible to climb out of the abyss of poor decisions and to move on to live life on your own terms. That connection to purpose fueled my passion and kept me moving toward publication. The passion helped me work my way around my self-doubt, my hesitancy to re-live the pain of poor decisions and my concern about what others would think or say. Five years worth of starts and stops and many edits later, I found my story taking shape. Passion for my story drove it forward.
Patience:
Ah, yes. I would never tell anyone they could write their memoir in six weeks or six months or even six years. I know Augusten Burroughs cranked out his memoir Running with Scissors in two weeks. There are always exceptions, and he is clearly one of them. I have found that it truly is a process and a journey, determined solely by the person who is writing the story. The story I started out writing is not the story I ended up publishing. That holds true for my current work-in-progress memoir. I didn’t even find that story until I had written reams of vignettes over a three-year period, experimented with voice, tense and structure, received substantive feedback from beta readers and professional editors, and killed many of “my darlings” that did not add to the narrative. And I’ll admit, there were times I truly wondered if I would ever really end up publishing the story. I could not rush it. But, if I was patient and committed to writing, I found my story developed nicely and was getting groomed for publication. I had to be patient and let it find its own time.
All I needed to do was write from my heart and the story that needed to be told revealed itself to me.
Perseverance:
Amen to this one. Once I had devoted the time and energy to my memoir, I knew I did not want to give up on it. I had already put in years of work, to say nothing of the emotional upheaval of facing past mistakes and gleaning lessons learned for both myself and my readers. It began to shape itself into a story with a beginning, middle and an end. It had a message and a purpose. I couldn’t let it down. I had to persevere through the doubts, past my inner critic, through the learning curves, some steeper than others, and onward.
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Passion for my story and its purpose, patience to let it unfold as it is meant to and perseverance to power through all the obstacles and challenges of publishing in the 21st century all helped me reach this milestone.
How about you? I’d love to hear what has powered you to reach your goal of publishing. Please leave your comments below~
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Next Week:
Monday, 10/8/18:
” Characterization in Memoir”
Wednesday, 10/10/18:
“Author Spotlight: Mary Maurice, A WOW Blog Tour.”
Mary is the author of a novel, The Suicide Letters of Jack Monroe.
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