Lily Ableman's Blog, page 3

In which chains and whips do not excite me

Warning: possible spoilers ahead.

Rating: 2 out of 5 stars.

Reaction summarized in one word: meh.

Man, that was a disappointment. It was like watching porn, and instead of inducing the mind-blowing orgasm that you were hoping for, it only produced boredom with a tiny bit of titillation on the side.

The sex scenes! They were just so…routine and described in such a matter of fact manner, even though Reage was writing about a whole lot of kinky shit (that sounded seriously painful by the way. Whips and chains – okay. Bruises, blood, tears, branding – no thanks).

Perhaps it’s sexier in the original French, but the English translation didn’t do anything for me. Sexually.

And for a work written by a female author, it was so male-gratification-oriented. Sure, O has some sexy lesbian times, but they were on her (MALE) lover’s terms.

If it wasn’t for the fact that I paid 50 cents for my used paperback copy, I would’ve put it down after 40 pages.

BUT despite my total utter boredom, I can’t give this book one star. And despite the fact that O is treated brutally and like property by her male lovers, I can’t exactly call this book an anti-feminist work. The reasons:

The writing was elegant.
With the knowledge that the author wrote this book as a love letter, I understand this work better (well, I think, at least). Yes, O is humiliated, beaten, debased, et cetera. But her love – her self-sacrificing, all-encompassing love – makes her a willing participant. & what is love? When your lover’s desires become your desires. When you are willing to do anything for your beloved. When you become one with your lover. & that is what this book is all about – that kind of love.

 

But what kind of fucking ending was that? O just kills herself because Stephen leaves her? & she only kills herself with STEPHEN’S FUCKING PERMISSION? Ugh!

Perhaps the ending reflects what this IMDB reviewer was saying in a review of the film:

“There were two different endings to the book which are still extant. Both involve Sir Stephen losing all interest in ‘O’ after he has completed humiliating her in every way he can. In one ‘O’ begs Sir Stephen to permit her to commit suicide – she would not do it without his explicit permission, but he grants her this. In the other she is returned to the training mansion to help teach her replacement what will be expected. Either of these endings convey the clear message that total submission does not lead to greater love but ultimately to contempt for the oversubmissive individual.”

 

 

 

Thoughts on Story of O by Pauline Reage

Warning: possible spoilers ahead.

Rating: 2 out of 5 stars.

Reaction summarized in one word: meh.

Man, that was a disappointment. It was like watching porn, and instead of inducing the mind-blowing orgasm that you were hoping for, it only produced boredom with a tiny bit of titillation on the side.

The sex scenes! They were just so…routine and described in such a matter of fact manner, even though Reage was writing about a whole lot of kinky shit (that sounded seriously painful by the way. Whips and chains – okay. Bruises, blood, tears, branding – no thanks).

Perhaps it’s sexier in the original French, but the English translation didn’t do anything for me. Sexually.

And for a work written by a female author, it was so male-gratification-oriented. Sure, O has some sexy lesbian times, but they were on her (MALE) lover’s terms.

If it wasn’t for the fact that I paid 50 cents for my used paperback copy, I would’ve put it down after 40 pages.

BUT despite my total utter boredom, I can’t give this book one star. And despite the fact that O is treated brutally and like property by her male lovers, I can’t exactly call this book an anti-feminist work. The reasons:

The writing was elegant.
With the knowledge that the author wrote this book as a love letter, I understand this work better (well, I think, at least). Yes, O is humiliated, beaten, debased, et cetera. But her love – her self-sacrificing, all-encompassing love – makes her a willing participant. & what is love? When your lover’s desires become your desires. When you are willing to do anything for your beloved. When you become one with your lover. & that is what this book is all about – that kind of love.

 

But what kind of fucking ending was that? O just kills herself because Stephen leaves her? & she only kills herself with STEPHEN’S FUCKING PERMISSION? Ugh!

Perhaps the ending reflects what this IMDB reviewer was saying in a review of the film:

“There were two different endings to the book which are still extant. Both involve Sir Stephen losing all interest in ‘O’ after he has completed humiliating her in every way he can. In one ‘O’ begs Sir Stephen to permit her to commit suicide – she would not do it without his explicit permission, but he grants her this. In the other she is returned to the training mansion to help teach her replacement what will be expected. Either of these endings convey the clear message that total submission does not lead to greater love but ultimately to contempt for the oversubmissive individual.”

 

 

 

Low expectations, low disappointment

Man, this quarter was rough academically (in addition to a lot of other adverbs).

Basic algebra – The course name is such a filthy, dirty lie. NONE OF THIS SHIT IS BASIC. I miss how mathematics used to make sense to me…

Analysis – Do not understand 1-forms. Like, AT ALL.

Gender & Sexuality – Okay, this class is actually fine. Just a lot of reading (but unlike Social Science, not all of it is terrible!).

So when it comes to my final grades, I’m keeping my expectations low and chanting the mantra, “C’s get degrees.”

As to writing… Again, keeping my expectations low. But I do expect to get Devil in an Armani Suit and a novella It’ll be Better This Time Around done in 2016. I will do my best to fight my procrastination and get the books DONE by the end of 2016, damn it.

Summary of It’ll be Better This Time Around –

Ivy Zheng has a secret—she’s still madly, deeply in love with her ex Logan Price. So when he shows up in Obscura, Ohio—the small town with a population of 508 where she works as a dissatisfied waitress—a large part of her wants to beg him to take her back. But the bigger, more reasonable part of her knows better. Another, darker secret from the past tore them apart, one that she intends to keep, even if it means keeping her from the love of her life.

 

Excited? Intrigued? Indifferent? Feel free to offer opinions, please.

On to fiction writing and math.

-ordinary self-published author and even more mediocre math major

Devil in an Armani Suit Expected Publication Date Changed to December 31, 2016

Yes, the expected publication date of Devil in an Armani Suit has been changed to December 31, 2016 (but hopefully the book will come out earlier). SO sorry for the long delay, but school has been busier than expected this year. “Basic” Algebra (a misnomer if I ever saw one!) has been kicking my ass, procrastination has struck me more than a few times (translation: an unhealthy number of times), and I’ve been trying to figure out career and internship shit (so far, it’s been a massive ball of failure and rejection).

TL;DR: I haven’t found enough time to write, and I don’t think the novel can be completed by the end of 2015, unless I go without sleep for the next two months. And sorry, but I need sleep way too much.

Also, I wish to do a massive rewrite, as I’m less than 100% happy with the current direction of the story and writing. The changes will (hopefully) be better.

Thanks for being patient and understanding, and I hope none of you are too disappointed by the delay.

Thanks,

Lily

Trying to Go on a Diet Part 4

Holy shit, I haven’t posted in over a month. Life has been busy. From mid to late August, I was just chilling at home, reading Christian romance novels and watching season 6 of The Vampire Diaries (my God, it was awful! ELENA, WHY HAVE YOU BECOME SUCH A STUPID BIMBO? AND DAMON, WHY HAVE YOU BECOME A BORING DICK WITH NO REDEEMING QUALITIES?), when my internship supervisor asked if I wanted to work for her organization again. At first, I was like, uhhhhhh, because to be honest, I kind of didn’t want to get off my ass and I just wanted to finish The Vampire Diaries (even though it was fucking AWFUL), but then she said that the organization was willing to give me a pay raise and reimburse me for transportation, so my hunger for money beat my desire for laziness. Then, a week after I stopped working, I went back to UChicago and got sucked into schoolwork, hence my blog’s inactivity.

(As if the imaginary audience missed my ramblings anyway…)

So I’ve been trying to go on a diet (again). I have an unlimited meal plan, so I’m trying to take advantage of the healthier options the dining hall offers. As expected, it’s been hit and miss. I have been having a lot of salads with grilled (not fried!) chicken, but damn it, I’m always hungry afterwards. However, I have been trying to eat less, and for the most part, I’m successful. If I have a heavy breakfast, I try to have a lighter lunch and vice versa.

Though, this weekend, my diet got wrecked. So much pad Thai (DAMN DELICIOUS CARBS!), donuts, and sushi with Tempura shrimp.

Jeans, I will come for you… Someday… In the hopefully not too distant future…

But no wonder they call salads rabbit food. I’m surprised that even rabbits can find raw vegetables satisfying.

And tip for easily shaving off a few calories: blot the grease from your food. Doesn’t ruin the taste!

Goddamn it, I want real food…

Trying to Go on a Diet Part 3

Yo, fuck dieting. I’ve given up. Food, you are too delicious.

And booze, you are too readily available.

I don’t know why I even tried going on a diet in the first place. I have, like, ZERO willpower. Free doughnuts? Well, of fucking course I’m going to have one. And of fucking course I’m going to have two. And tea? Well, how can I NOT put several lumps of sugar and cream in it? And how can I go to a Vietnamese restaurant and NOT order fried bananas?

And really, the only way I can enjoy raw vegetables is if I can drown them in fattening ranch sauce.

I still want to lose weight. But I don’t know if I’ll be successful. This summer just offered WAY too opportunities to load up on the calories. Free food, great restaurants, free alcohol, etc.

Maybe I’ll just exercise more…

Damn, sometimes I wish I enjoyed sports instead of sitting on my ass while reading/writing/watching TV.

Fat jeans, wait for me…

Trying to Go on a Diet Part 2

The struggle continues.

Wednesday:

So for breakfast and lunch, I actually wasn’t doing too badly. For breakfast, a cup of passion tea with some sugar and a PB & J sandwich. For lunch, a Lean Cuisine meal.

Let me tell you, I understand why they call it Lean Cuisine… 1 meal is soooo not satisfying.

But then I was walking home after work and feeling tired. And hungry. So hungry.

So I just said, “Fuck it,” and bought some Philadelphia Rolls and called them a “snack.”

Hey, at least sushi is not TERRIBLE for you. There’s the rice, so you got grains. And there’s the avocado, so you got fruit. And there’s the crab, so you got protein. And there’s the cream cheese, so you got dairy.

*Googles cream cheese*

What foods are included in the Dairy Group?

Foods made from milk that have little to no calcium, such as cream cheese, cream, and butter, are not.

Goddamn it!

But come dinner time…

I had a coupon for a free scoop at Mitchell’s Ice Cream, so naturally, I had to get some lemon black raspberry frozen yogurt.

Hey, at least I didn’t get chocolate brownie ice cream!

Then I wanted something cheap yet filling, so I got a…

Calzone.

A big, greasy (and delicious) calzone with cheese, sauce, chicken, and mushrooms.

Hey, at least you got the grains (the crust), the dairy (the cheese), the vegetables (the mushrooms), and the meat (the chicken).

And hey, I only had half of the calzone. So portion control, yay.

And according to myfitnesspal.com, I still managed to be under my daily calorie count. Though I may have underestimated the calories of the calzone, hahahaha.

I regret nothing!

Thursday:

Oh, today is going to be good for my happiness but bad for my diet.

I’m going to get some soul food with my UChicago host, so of course I’m going to get something delicious and fattening. A salad? Pleeeeease.

And for dinner, I’m going to have the second half of the calzone.

So more than likely, I will exceed my daily calorie count.

Whateeeever.

Fat jeans, wait for me…

Trying to Go on a Diet

This week, I’m going to try to go on a diet.

So far…

Yesterday:

So I was kind of doing okay. For breakfast, I had a waffle and a third of a chicken sandwich. Then for lunch, I had cantaloupe (heeey, fruit, check it out!) and a grilled chicken sandwich (heeey, not fried, check it out!). Then for a second lunch/midday-snack, I had a Marie Callender’s Steak and Roasted Potatoes (not super healthy, but heeeey, only 330 calories). So far, so good.

But then dinner…

Okay, it already got off to a bad start an hour before dinner. There was free wine. And even though I’m not strictly speaking of age and wine isn’t exactly a low-calorie beverage, I grabbed a cup. And then I ate a chip. And then I got some lemonade.

Goodbye, diet…

And then for actual dinner, I was confronted by one of my biggest temptations:

Free food.

So fuuuuck, when someone’s offering to pay for my meal, of course I’m not going to waste the opportunity by ordering some lame salad.

Instead, I ordered 3 organic chicken tacos and fries, and a lemonade.

Heeey, organic=healthy, right?

So when I was writing in my food journal, I just wrote 700 calories even though I’m pretty sure the tacos and fries were way more calories than that.

Whatever. I regret nothing. The tacos and fries were fucking delicious.

But my fat jeans, you’re probably going to have to wait a while before my booty can go in you again.

Today:

Okay, I’m hungry but I’m surviving.

A peanut butter and blackberry jam sandwich for breakfast. A Lean Cuisine meal for lunch. And later, another PB & J sandwich for a snack and another Marie Callender’s meal for dinner. AND NOTHING ELSE BESIDES WATER.

Unless I’m tempted by delicious free food again…

BUT MY FAT JEANS MISS ME. SO I’M GOING TO TRY TO RESIST MY HUNGER.

But McDonald’s, the food court, so tempting, so delicious…

STOP THINKING ABOUT FOOD, ME.

Dieting sucks -_-

Fooood, foood……..

That Yuppie Life

Okay, technically I’m not a yuppie. I don’t have a high-paying job; I’m pretty sure my internship doesn’t even get me minimum wage (though I suppose the free housing and free food make up for that). I don’t get Starbucks every day. Like, come on. Why would I pay a couple bucks for a cup of coffee when there is a coffee machine in the office and the coffee is FREE AND UNLIMITED? And my dress is way more casual than business. And there are days when I don’t spend any money at all. Cheap ass, that is me.

But nevertheless, I feel like such a yuppie. I have to wear somewhat nice clothes to work. And I don’t socialize; I network. And I network all the fucking time. Not well. But I do it. All the time. Ugggggh. Why can’t I just say, “I’m somewhat competent and I’m going to a pretty decent school and I work hard if you pay me. So yeah, just please give me a fucking job for next summer.”

Not to say I hate my job. I actually like it. I mean, I would rather binge watch TV shows at home, but it’s better than crying in the Reg over math homework at UChicago. The weird thing is, even though I have a pretty much full time job, I have way more free time than I do during school. Yeah, that’s how bad UChicago is.

But I hate networking. It just feels like such bullshit. Really, it’s about who you know, not what you know. And it’s so exhausting to put on a fake smile and act like an excited young professional. Honestly, every time I get someone’s business card, a little part of me weeps inside and hopes I can somehow make a living off my writing (though season 2 of Selfie is probably more likely than that). I don’t want my life to be every day in the office from 9 to 5. Though I know it’s pretty much inevitable.

Not to say I haven’t enjoyed myself during my internship. I’ve done drunken karaoke, smoked, er, stuff a couple of times, danced my ridiculous ass off, and even – gasp – made a few friends. Win for my socially awkward, perpetually insecure self.

But an office job isn’t my dream. My dream: writing for hours every day and reading for pleasure.

Not to say an office job would mean I wouldn’t write anymore. But I would have way less time to do it.

End with this Daria quote:

Watching The Vampire Diaries

Oh, season 6 of The Vampire Diaries hurts. And not in a good way.

I can’t believe this show used to be one of my favorite shows… Now, it’s so bad!

Well, might as well offer my commentary on season 6. Snark is the only way to get through this.

(Or alcohol…)

Spoilers ahead for people who haven’t seen season 6!

Thoughts on episode 5 of season 6:

*Vampire Ivy >>>> Human Ivy. Vampire Ivy actually has some personality and some funny lines!

*Oh my fucking God, why is everyone hating on Stefan? How can you blame him for wanting to get away from Mystic Falls? That place is a literal hellhole. And shut up, Alaric! Don’t tell a man he’s mourning for his brother the wrong way!

*And speaking of the writers’ unfair characterization of Stefan… Seriously, Stefan used to be the HERO of this story. This story used to be about the HERO trying to deal with his psycho serial killer brother. But now the psycho serial killer brother is the hero and it’s all Stefan’s fault that the psycho serial killer brother was a psycho serial killer in the first place because Stefan (rightly) told PSKB to get the hell away from him? Ugggh.

(But I admit, Stefan dumping Ivy on Caroline was a douche bag move.)

*Seriously, only on The Vampire Diaries do the writers try to get you to sympathize with a dude who killed a pregnant lady. Okay, Damon, killing your relative’s pregnant wife was the worst day of YOUR life? Way to make her death all about you, you self-absorbed prick!

*I can’t believe I used to ship Delena… In my defense, Damon wasn’t as horrendous in the first few seasons. And definitely wasn’t as annoying.

*Okay, Bonnie, Damon is better than Kai just because he feels remorse for what he did? Remorse don’t mean shit if you don’t do anything to change your lifestyle!

*I have to say Damon-less Elena is actually…tolerable.

*(when Elena gives the injured human girl her blood in episode 5): Oh my God, alert the media, ELENA CARED ABOUT SOMETHING OTHER THAN HERSELF OR DAMON!

*I have to say, Damon’s a fucking psycho dick, but I enjoy watching him with Bonnie. When they’re together, Bonnie actually has a personality and is actually a person instead of a plot device to save the rest of the self-absorbed bitches on this show.

*Tyler’s car crashes into a crowded cornfield…and his number one concern is that he might turn into a werewolf again?! UH, DUDE, HOW ABOUT THE PEOPLE WHO COULD POTENTIALLY DIE BECAUSE YOU WERE STUPID ENOUGH TO TEXT AND DRIVE?!

*IT WASN’T YOUR FAULT, TYLER?! WELL, IF YOU WEREN’T CHECKING YOUR PHONE WHILE YOU WERE DRIVING, NO ONE WOULD BE DYING (in the cornfield)!

*Awwww, friendship moment for Bonnie & Damon (and ammunition for the Bamon ship).

*(when Damon gives Bonnie his blood): Oh my God, is hell freezing over? BECAUSE DAMON GAVE A SHIT ABOUT SOMEONE OTHER THAN HIMSELF!

*Bonnie the martyr…

*Holy shit, Jo can’t be compelled…

*Really, hero is your type, Elena? -_-

*Wow, Liv literally killed for Tyler.

*Stefan, you seriously have issues if you can’t live without your psycho serial killer brother. You’re taking this tortured hero (though the writers won’t call you a hero anymore) thing way too far.

I have to say this episode wasn’t terrible. But of course that’s going to change when the Delena shit starts happening again at the expense of the plot and character development and Stefan continues to (inexplicably) be Delena’s cheerleader.

But nevertheless, I will be watching.