Lily Ableman's Blog, page 9

Done with The Edge of Never

Apologies to J.A. Redmerski. This is only my opinion, and many other readers love your work, so don’t take my criticism too seriously.

 

Warning: possible spoilers ahead.

 

FINALLY DONE WITH THE EDGE OF NEVER! I am so glad to be done with it. It was boring. And needlessly long. It did not need to be over 400 pages. No way. Honestly, it could have been 200 pages.

 

Anyway, although I didn’t like the book or any of the characters, I was happy with the almost sickeningly joyful ending. What? I’m a sucker for happy endings! I want everyone to be happy, even slut-shaming annoying boring people like Cam and Andrew. And I didn’t want Andrew to die from his tumor. I did actually want him to be happy with Cam. They were perfect for each other, even if I wanted to slap the shit out of both of them.

 

Still, I have to give the book one star. I just hated it. Bland writing, slut-shaming, bad attempts at being profound, and the most unforgivable writing error of all, a boring story.

 

In the book’s defense, I shouldn’t have started reading it after starting Romancing the Duke by Tessa Dare, which, I have to say, was fucking wonderful and brought a smile to my face.

 

Goodbye, New Adult fiction for now. We may meet again. Hopefully, next time, not with utter disappointment.

The Edge of Never Day 2

This is reminding me a lot of The Coincidence of Callie and Kayden, another new adult book that had tons of glowing reviews but I found, well, not very good. A hero and heroine with a dark and troubled past, slut-shaming, many unconvincing attempts at being deep and profound, bland writing… Well, at least The Edge of Never doesn’t have an abundance of grammatical or spelling errors. 

Anyway, on to what I read today!

The hero:

*“I don’t listen to Justin Bieber or that crazy meat-wearin’ bitch, so I guess you’ll just have to do without.”

Bitch, don’t you be dissing Lady Gaga! She is a pop goddess! (Okay, that might be a bit of an exaggeration, but hey, I love her!) And I seriously don’t appreciate you calling her “that crazy meat-wearin’ bitch.” Okay, you don’t like her. Fine. But don’t resort to misogynistic terms like bitch.

Bitch.

*Seriously, did the author just put in the conversation about Lady Gaga and the hero’s supposedly superior taste in music again? Did I seriously need to read that boring conversation again?

*”She’s even prettier in the daylight.”

GAG.

*”No, Andrew Parrish is far from being anywhere near the Ugly Tree.

Truthfully, he lives right next door to the Sexy Tree and I think that’s the only thing that bothers me about this whole situation.”

Seriously, I just don’t think this is very good writing…

*Ugh, Andrew’s point of view is just as boring as Camryn’s. Ugh, for two supposedly deep young adults with issues, you all are dull as hell.

*THIS BOOK IS SO BORING. A conversation about orange juice??? UGH.

I regret paying for this. 

The Edge of Never Day 1

I paid $0.99 for The Edge of Never a while ago (I think it was actually over a year ago). I mean, hey, it had a nice cover (I’m superficial, okay?) and there were a ton of stellar reviews.

But then before I finally got around to reading it, I read some negative reviews and went aw, fuck.

Slut-shaming?! Sexism?! Terrible writing?!

Then I finally started reading it and went aw, fuck, why did I pay for this crap?

Some quotes:

The protagonist to her friend:

*”Next week I’ll be out of my mom’s house and living with a slut.” (The “slut” is the protagonist’s future roommate and friend.)

I know this was supposed to be a joke, but I still went, “Seriously”? I don’t like the word “slut” in general, but to call your friend that, even as a joke, just because she happens to have a boyfriend she has sex with and has said she enjoys such sex… It pisses me off. WOMEN CAN ENJOY SEX AND NOT BE SLUTS, OKAY????

*”Even before Ian died, I always kind of thought out-of-the-box. Instead of sitting around dreaming up new sex positions, as Natalie often does about Damon, her boyfriend of five years, I dream about things that really matter. At least in my world, they matter. What the air in other countries feels like on my skin, how the ocean smells, why the sound of rain makes me gasp. “You’re one deep chick.” That’s what Damon said to me on more than one occasion.”

First of all, what’s wrong with dreaming up new sex positions??? IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH A GIRL WANTING TO ENJOY SEX???? And thinking about how the ocean smells is somehow more important? Girl, please. You sound like a stupid hipster who tries to be deep but fails miserably. And Damon, you must have your head up your ass if you think this chick is even remotely deep. And red flag, red flag. I sense Damon has feelings for our protagonist. I HATE IT WHEN ASSHOLES GET BETWEEN 2 BEST FRIENDS. PLEASE DON’T LET IT BE SO.

*” He grows copious amounts of weed in his basement, but he’s not a pothead. In fact, no one but me and a few of his close friends would ever suspect that a hot piece of ass like Damon Winters would be a grower, because most growers look like white trash and often have hairdos that are stuck somewhere between the 70’s and 90’s. Damon is far from looking like white trash—he could be Alex Pettyfer’s younger brother. And Damon says weed just isn’t his thing. No, Damon’s drug of choice is cocaine and he only grows and sells weed to pay for his cocaine habit.”

Since when do weed growers necessarily look like white trash? I’m offended on behalf of all weed growers. Oh, and doing cocaine is SO MUCH CLASSIER. 

More like so much more dangerous, you fucking stupid young adults.

*” and then Christian Deering, my Ian rebound guy and the jerk who cheated on me with some red-haired slut.”

AG, THIS MAKES ME SO ANGRY. I read a lot of YA and NA fiction (and watched six seasons of Gossip Girl), so yeah, I should be used to slut-shaming, but no. I still get pissed every single time. Why is the girl your boyfriend cheats with automatically a slut? Okay, if she knew your boyfriend had a girlfriend, you’re entitled to be angry, but it seems the other girl is still automatically a slut regardless of whether or not she knowingly had sex with someone’s boyfriend. And it always seem like the girl who was betrayed always gets WAY angrier at the other girl than her boyfriend, even though her boyfriend is the one who made a promise to her, not the other girl. 

Seriously, this slut-shaming, this girl-on-girl hate… really, it honestly makes me sick. I used to love Gossip Girl, and while I still do find it entertaining, I recently re-watched the series and was appalled at how the girls were so fucking mean to each other and participated in so much slut-shaming among themselves, while the boys were just, well, boys.

Anyway…

So yeah, so far, I do not really dig this book, but I will probably finish it because hey, I paid for this. 

And it will at least be fun to rant about, if not exactly fun to read.

96% more of this crap!

Thoughts on The Night Circus

Okay, the writing is beautiful. A bunch of gorgeous imagery, descriptions, blah, blah, blah, etc.

THE FUCKING PROBLEM IS THAT IT FEELS LIKE MOST OF THE NOVEL IS A BUNCH OF BEAUTIFUL BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.

Okay, we get it. The circus is fucking magical and marvelous. NOW GET ON WITH THE FUCKING PLOT.

Seriously, the plot is so SLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW. The two main characters don’t even really have any meaningful interactions until more than halfway through the novel. And their “deep, passionate, and magical love”? Bitch, please. This is fucking Twilight with magicians.

And some of the “romantic” lines are so gag-worthy.

From the hero:

“I would have written you, myself, if I could put down in words everything I want to say to you. A sea of ink would not be enough.”

From the heroine:

“But you built me dreams instead.”

VOMIT ALERT. VOMIT ALERT.

And I thought this competition was a fight to the death. Not a fucking who-makes-prettier-sculptures-or-whatever contest.

And Marco, the hero? WHAT A FUCKING DICK. Dude, okay, you fell in love with Celia while you were with someone else. Things happen, and the heart wants what the heart wants, yeah, yeah. BUT DUDE, YOU DON’T STRING ALONG YOUR FIANCEE FOR FUCKING YEARS WHILE YOU MAKE GOOGLY-EYES WITH YOUR FUCKING MAGICAL LOVER AND MAKE OUT WITH HER IN FRONT OF, LIKE, EVERYONE. Fucking grow a pair of balls and break up with your fiancee once you know you have found the love of your life. OR ELSE YOUR FUCKING FIANCEE WILL GET (JUSTIFIABLY) PISSED AND (perhaps not so justifiably) CAUSE CHAOS AND MAKE EVERYTHING GO TO FUCKING SHIT.

And the two protagonists’ fathers? Why are they never condemned for their total and utter lack of parental skills, neglect, and abuse? Because Celia’s father is fucking abusive. Okay, yeah, you want to make her powers stronger or whatever, but bitch, that does not give you the right to break her fingers over and over again in order for her to work on her healing. Fucking sociopath.

Yeah, I know this rant/review contained a lot of profanity, but this book frustrated the hell out of me.

But I didn’t totally hate the book. I did enjoy some parts, and some of the book was intriguing and mysterious.

But the book so did not live up to the hype.

And there’s going to be a film adaptation? It’s boring enough on paper; how are they going to make a decent movie out of this?

Less than 100 more pages.

Update: The ending was okay but did not redeem the rest of the book. And there were no cliffhangers, but it was left open-ended enough that there might be a sequel, which I would definitely not read.

I want to dive in to a pool full of liquor

Saturday night, I got shit-faced for the first time.

Didn’t know what “80 proof” vodka meant. Drank it anyway.

Didn’t know how to properly mix a drink of cranberry juice and vodka. Mixed it anyway.

Felt drunk after one shot. Drank another shot anyway.

In less than 30 minutes, I was totally shit-faced.

The next day, I woke up with a hangover.

Would I get wasted again? Absolutely. 

Dear Lord, I’m becoming an alcoholic. 

College Math Sucks

“This axiom proves that this theorem is true. Because this theorem is true, this equality holds for all integers and congratulations, motherfucker, you just proved a fact that was already proven by dudes and girls way smarter than you.” WHY AM I A MATH MAJOR? Is it too late to become a happy English major?

My Relationship with the University of Chicago

The University of Chicago.

How I love thee.

How I hate thee.

You’ve given me new friends, new opportunities, an excellent (and affordable!) education, and an atmosphere where I (mostly) feel free to be my cynical, strange self.

But you’ve also given me stress (insane amounts of it), intellectual insecurity, and plenty of gray hairs.

And, as I only half joke, you’ve taken away my soul with your fucking intense workload and the constant sense of crushing failure.

Seriously, before you, I used to be driven and care about my grades (as in I would freak out if I got anything less than an A on ANYTHING). After all, that is how I got accepted by you. After you, though, I have become a slacker (well, as much of a slacker as you can be at UChicago) and am glad when I get anything above a 50% on, well, anything.

You’ve even taken away my ability to evoke emotion with my voice!

Okay, just kidding with that last one. I’ve always spoken in a lifeless monotone.

But do I regret coming here?

Not at all.

Yes, your Common Core sucks ass and your math (what I want to major in) classes are fucking impossible, but honestly, I like you.

Fuck you, UChicago, (with love).