Randy Kamen's Blog, page 9
February 3, 2017
I’d like to share a story with you …
I’d like to tell you a story about a woman I worked with whom I’ll call Ellen. When Ellen was 45 years old her father died of traumatic injuries suffered in a hideous car accident. Her mother was in the car but only sustained minor injuries. Shortly thereafter, Ellen’s mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.
Her father’s death and her mother’s diagnosis left Ellen reeling with grief, fear and fury. In addition to facing the devastating loss of her father, Ellen was forced to witness the gradual demise of her mother, who was becoming a shadow of her once vibrant self.
With the burden of caring for her mom, Ellen’s life felt like it was put on hold—indefinitely. She felt trapped as it became difficult to plan anything—never knowing how each day would play itself out.
Has anything like this happened to you? Tragedy strikes, turns everything topsy turvy and it becomes near impossible to hold on to an awareness of the good things you have in your life. The focus becomes all about the pain and loss—how challenging, even impossible, it feels to dig out from underneath.
When Ellen and I first started working together she talked about the dark cloud that wouldn’t pass and feeling overcome by the guilt and shame she experienced due to her resentment about becoming her mother’s primary caregiver.
As we continued together I suggested that Ellen begin taking at least an hour a day for herself—to do whatever she chose—yoga, a walk, painting, a nap, connecting with a friend—whatever she needed or wanted to do was fair game. Perhaps she couldn’t take any major time away right now, but she could build in some pleasure for herself every day—and so she did.
Another piece of Ellen’s ‘homework’ was to keep a nightly gratitude journal in which she recorded three to five good memories from her day. The idea was to tune into the nuances of her daily experiences. Journaling helped her to ‘retrain her brain’ to view events from a more positive perspective.
Once Ellen embedded these two self-care practices into her day she noticed the feelings of loss and negativity slowly diminish. Her capacity for self-compassion grew and she became more comfortable with her complicated and ambivalent feelings.
Ultimately she came to appreciate what was still good in her life. She spoke of having had a happy childhood with loving parents. Ellen shared stories about her husband and wonderful, accomplished children. She had a job that she valued, good health, and the potential to fulfill many of her dreams in the years ahead.
Ellen rediscovered the sweetness in spending time with her mother and reclaimed her deep love. She spent the next couple of years tending to her mother’s care—all the while taking good care of herself.
By doing so Ellen felt like she was getting enough. Feelings of compassion for her mother emerged as did feelings of self compassion—and the gratitude for all that she had in her life began to flourish.
When her mother died she felt deep sadness along with a profound appreciation that they shared this precious time together.
What do you do when life unfolds in unexpected ways? When faced with unanticipated loss and the resultant feelings of fear, grief, anger or bitterness—how do you manage?
As usual, I’d love to hear your comments and thoughts.
February 2, 2017
What are you waiting for?
Have you ever been struck by the question, “Am I living the life I was meant to live?” Wondering if how you’re spending your time is truly what you want to be doing with these precious and vital years?
Do you worry that life is passing so quickly you might not get to realize your dreams, live your passions or create the life you’d imagined?
Several years ago before my “baby” left to live in New York and the whole empty nest reality began to sink in, I had an awakening that I was standing still—watching life march on. I became aware that I needed to figure out next steps for how I was going to live out my own life.
Besides raising my children I’d been heavily engaged with the regimen of my private practice for the past thirty plus years. While I had a thriving private practice and I knew it was a privilege to work with people on this deep level, I found myself wanting, needing something more.
The unknown terrified me and continues to—but so did the idea of not living my life the way I longed to. I recognized that these are legacy years. I wanted to make a difference in the lives of others on a large scale and at the same time I needed more flexibility in my personal life.
This meant taking some huge risks and stepping into the abyss of the unknown.
Have your ever taken that leap not knowing where or how it will play—but the feeling is so strong you just have to go for it?
Most people when facing big transitions feel paralysis, then gripping fear. Sadly this stops us from moving forward and instead we choose to stay in our comfort zone.
This is why the number one regret of the dying is the wish to have had the courage to live a life true to oneself—rather than living up to the expectations of others.
If you’ve got a dream that’s gnawing away at you and you find yourself gripped with fear—then I suggest every time you think about that dream you take some deep belly breaths and one small step to move you forward.
Start a daily practice of visualizing how you want your life to look and feel during these vibrant years. Eventually you might just find yourself taking the leap—and moving on to another kind of life.
I’m telling you this because these are your vital years and everyday counts! Every single day is an opportunity to create the life you’ve always longed for.
I’ll pose this question to you and perhaps it will jumpstart your own journey to fulfillment and greater joy. “What is it that you want to do with your “one wild and precious life?”*
I’d love to hear your thoughts about your dreams and desires.
November 29, 2016
April 22, 2016
What is the Meaning of Life?
“What is the Meaning of Life?” this question pondered by scholars, theologians, scientists and each of us in our own unique ways em
bodies the simple and the profound.
Having just returned from Israel, I learned on my journey that this little country embroiled in conflict and potential threat for as long as it’s existence ranked 11th in happiness according to the World Happiness Scale–bypassing the US and 144 other nations around the globe. While happiness and meaning are not the same, I found this to be a compelling statistic.
What I observed in my travels throughout Israel is that these citizens consider themselves to be part of their respective communities and part of the greater whole—in which every member and every life matters.
The Israeli’s I met didn’t dwell in the past—although they learned from tough life lessons. They have a vision for the future yet they know how fragile life can be. In other words they know how to live in the moment.
They flourish, innovate, create art and music, and most importantly connect with each other as a part of their daily existence. Survival to them is not enough; it’s about thriving by living their life purpose and finding personal meaning.
As a psychologist and educator I know the importance of relationships and that the continuation of mankind as a species trumps all. Combining healthy connections with an ongoing commitment to alleviate the suffering of others, to be inclusive of all members of society and to contribute to the greater good of our precious world embodies the meaning of life.
Our collective consciousness about the greater good of our relationships, our communities, our countries, our globe imbues each of us with a sense of responsibility, intention and purpose.
Being part of the solution to help perpetuate our planet and performing acts of loving kindness to its inhabitants—brings us meaning as it dissolves the experience of loneliness and isolation. This to me is the meaning of life.
Happiness happens along the way when we find purpose, seek to understand the big picture and are of service to others. It’s about deriving meaning and satisfaction from making a difference in the lives of others.
Being of service to others involves recognizing our unique talents and gifts and creating something bigger and more vital for the greater good. In transcending our personal obsession with ourselves we stand to find purpose and meaning.
Jerusalem
April 10, 2016
The Nest is Empty…Now What?
When the last child is about to leave home—or he or she has already moved you—you might experience some mixed emotions. ‘Empty nest syndrome’ isn’t a clinical diagnosis, but it does indicate that the parents or guardians are significantly impacted by feelings of loss and sadness when their last child leaves home. Clearly some people feel this more acutely than others.
Even when parents encourage their children to explore their independence—their absence may be felt on a regular basis. The companionship is gone as is the structure that had been in place for all the years prior.
There may also be intense feelings of concern or worry about a child’s safety after they leave home—particularly if there is reason to believe that poor choices are likely to be made. There are of course those who will worry or be anxious regardless of whether or not they have reason to be—simply because they are entering unknown territory.
Parents with only one child or those who have made child rearing their singular focus may have an especially hard time adjusting to an empty nest.
Current Research
In the past, research indicated that parents in the throes of empty nest syndrome experiencing a profound sense of loss could be vulnerable to depression, alcoholism, identity crisis and marital conflicts.
More recent studies paint quite a different picture. http://www.apa.org/monitor/apr03/plus... While researchers acknowledge that most parents do feel a sense of loss when their nests are empty, they are also finding that this period can be one of increased life satisfaction and improved relationships. In contrast to what most college age students express about the devastation their parents must be feeling after they leave home, psychologist Karen L. Fingerman, PhD http://sites.utexas.edu/adultfamilypr... points out that in reality many parents find this time to be liberating and less stressful time of life.
Some findings even challenge the belief that an empty nest is hardest on women. According to Helen DeVries’s research, an associate professor of psychology at Wheaton College in Wheaton, Ill., it appears as if it is the men who struggle more when children leave home. The men who have worked especially feel the loss over the lost opportunity—having not spent enough time with their children when they growing up. That said, overall the studies are beginning to show that many parents gain a new lease on life when their nests become empty.
Some Benefits to Empty Nest
More personal and professional freedom
Less work and family conflicts
New opportunity to reconnect with partners
More time to connect with friends
Rekindled interests put on hold can be explored
So What’s Changed?
A great deal has changed since the idea of an empty-nest syndrome originally surfaced. An unprecedented number of mothers now work outside the home, giving them an identity beyond that of parent. They can ramp up on the job or pursue travel, interest, friendships, adventures they’ve not had the time or flexibility for in the past.
Also, FaceTime, Skype, inexpensive long-distance calls, e-mail, lower airfares have all made it easier to stay in touch with the children once the leave home. Contact can be made with ease and frequency—so unlike twenty or thirty years ago keeping in touch is highly accessible.
Perhaps the empty nest syndrome never existed in the way it was portrayed in the literature. Parents miss their children, but, they also enjoy having more personal freedom. This can be a wonderful time to rekindle intimate relationships, build friendships that have long been on the back burner and pursue goals and interests in a way that has not been possible when the children were home.
The Joy of Watching the Successful Launch
Parents also derive a great deal of joy and satisfaction from seeing their child or children embark upon a path toward successful adulthood. And when the stressors of everyday life together are taken out of the equation the parent–child relationship improves for many after the next is empty. This is especially true after a stormy adolescence or entry into early adulthood—which is often the case and hopefully within the range of normal limits.
Empty Nest… A New Phase
Under normal circumstance empty nest is not the end—it’s the beginning of a new phase in the parent–child relationships. That is, unless of course there are disturbances in either the parent or child—which can lead to impaired next steps.
Most often the relationships between parent and child are ‘healthy enough” or “good enough.” It is beyond the scope of this article to explore the times when this is not the case. I can only say getting help or seeking some kind of intervention would be wise if the aftermath of the empty nest seems devastating or chronically a source of great pain or suffering.
Ideally the parent–child relationship will deepen and mature over time as it becomes more emotionally stable and meaningful to both the parents and child or children.
What are you experiencing now that your nest is empty?
I’d love to hear your thoughts or story about how you’re navigating through this next chapter of life.
March 20, 2016
The Vibrant Midlife Method
So… What’s Your Next Step?
Do you worry about your aging parents? Your aging self, or health Issues? Are you in the throes of empty nest? Career changes? Downsizing? Relationship Issues? Finding personal fulfillment?
Now is the time to overcome the challenges and stumbling blocks that have been holding you back. Start living the life you’ve been longing for!
Imagine this chapter as being truly Vibrant and the best years of life. Imagine being able to savor the pleasures of each day, build a loving community, discover your life purpose, and find deep personal fulfillment.
There’s no more waiting! The time has arrived to make the most of your one “wild and precious life!”
Despite the stressors that inevitably come—this can be an enormously rich and fulfilling phase of life. With the benefit of experience and wisdom you can craft a meaningful and magnificent life—especially when equipped with inspiration, strategies and support.
Sign Me Up Now!
Join me and other like-minded souls for this training program and get the insight, tools, and strategies you need to optimize these vital and precious years. Each week there will be live and audio sessions along with handouts, worksheets, assessment tools and other materials to help you develop the skills your need to live vibrantly.
Research shows that on average it takes about two months to change or build a habit. As soon as you begin to practice the methods taught in this program, you will be moving along the path towards lasting personal transformation.
THE VIBRANT MIDLIFE METHOD”
Dr. Randy Kamen developed “The Vibrant Midlife Method” based upon her thirty-five years of clinical work and research on the best of what modern science and ancient traditions have to offer.
Over time and with regular practice this proven system will show you everything you need to know to lead live the life you’ve always longed for.
The next eight weeks will strengthen your foundation for living a healthier, happier, more connected and purposeful life. You will be given the tools, strategies and support you need to take charge and make this the most vibrant chapter of your life.
The method you’ll learn in this training has everything to do with the journey since it is the succession of days that ultimately make a life. The idea here is to make every day count. I’ve created this training to help you skip the learning curve and move into the next chapter of life with what you need to know to live life fully.
LEARN HOW TO:
Improve vitality, emotional balance and mental clarity
Cultivate your sense of purpose, pleasure and happiness
Reduce stress and pain and enhance resiliency
Retrain your brain to build lasting healthy habits
Diminish the risk of chronic physical and mental diseases
Create the life-style changes that support you during Your Vibrant Years
HERE’S WHAT YOU’LL GET
6 Live interactive sessions so that you can discuss how to personalize the strategies get your questions answered directly and in real time. This makes the learning more immediately accessible and meaningful. If time does not permit either I will answer your questions or comments via email.
6 Content and strategy rich audios that will teach and demonstrate the most effective methods for amplifying your health, happiness, relationships, and overall well-being—while finding personal fulfillment.
Private Facebook Group that will only be available to members that take the course. This will give you ongoing support for as long as you wish to participate with like minded souls—who are interested in the journey and making these the best years ever. Although I will personally be involved in the Facebook group, you will also have the tremendous added benefit of tapping into your new “Vibrant Community.”
Worksheets, assessment tools, articles and related materials
A copy of my bestselling book Behind the Therapy Door: Simple Strategies to Transform Your Life. In my book you’ll the learn important tools and strategies through women’s real life stories and the way they ultimately led to personal transformation. This adds another dimension to the online training.
A meditation audio and video that you can access whenever you choose to meditate or practice a visualization exercise.I’ve used many of these methods in corporate, hospital, health retreats and academic institutions around the country.
Please note: If you’re interested in speaking with me directly about the program I would be delighted to offer a free 20 minute consultation. Just email me at Randy@DrRandyKamen.com to arrange a meeting or contact me through my website at DrRandyKamen.com.
QUESTIONS THE PROGRAM WILL ADDRESS
• Are you getting all you can out of this one precious life of yours?
• Are you struggling to find your life purpose?
• Are you savoring these years?
• Are you living your life authentically—true to your inner voice?
• Do you belong to a supportive and loving community?
• Are you making the kind of difference that fulfills you?
“You will learn how to build habits that boost your health and happiness and lose the habits that work against you.” Sandra G. High School Teacher
“What may take years in typical therapy session happens in this training program and is integrated on a visceral level.” Nan L. Kripalu Yoga and Health Center 3.11.16
“THE VIBRANT MIDLIFE METHOD” DATES
Week 1 May 3, May 5 Optimize your ability to be calm, centered and focused
Week 2 May 10, May 12 Ramp up your happiness quotient
Week 3 May 17, May 19 Learn to “let go” and forgive for personal freedom
Week 4 May 31, June 2 Build your ideal community for support and love
Week 5 June 7, June 9 Discover your life purpose and personal mission
Week 6 June 16,June 16 Create your daily personalized plan for optimal joy and vibrancy.
Sign Me Up Now!
Cost for the entire “Vibrant Method” training program is $497. This includes the audios and videos from our training sessions as well as all of the related handouts and worksheets. Best of all you’ll be automatically enrolled in the private Facebook group where you will be getting the ongoing support of a community of peers. You’ll also get a meditation audio and a bonus chapter from my bestselling book, Behind the Therapy Door: Simple Strategies to Transform Your Life. This chapter gives you all the information needed for managing and preventing anxiety—once and for all.
OTHERS WHO HAVE BEEN HELPED BY DR. RANDY KAMEN
“Randy delivers what she promises with honesty, humor and compassion. She distill the best of the research, teachings and clinical experience. Day one of the training we began “rewiring our brains.” I am taking proven and straightforward practices home. The is the real deal—deep and serious personal growth.”
~Robin G., Kripalu Yoga and Health Institute
“I first met Dr. Randy Kamen at a week long training at the Omega Institute in Rhinebeck, New York. The program was a transformational experience. Her presentations were focused, and inspired, and was highly influential in helping me make important life changes.”
~Kenneth Balin, President AMC Delancey Group, Inc.
“During the course of her dynamic workshops, Dr. Kamen provides her audience with evidence based, concrete tools, essential for enhancing the experience of happiness in everyday living. She is a vibrant speaker who translates complex theory into user-friendly language for her audience. In addition to being highly informative, Dr. Kamen’s approach to the material is entertaining, adding to the enjoyment of the listener’s experience.”
~Holly Friedman Glick, LICSW, RYT500
“A dynamic educator and presenter. Her enthusiasm is contagious. As a psychologist and coach, she’s demonstrated the highest professional clinical skills.”
~Gerald M. Aronoff, M.D. Presbyterian Orthopedic Hospital, North Carolina
“Randy cares passionately about human potential, radiates warmth and brings a sense of genuine excitement to her work. I hired Randy to assist us in a major corporate innovation program pertaining to women and wellness. Her ability to integrate her subject matter into the broader program goals and tap into the group’s creative potential, inspired a much richer set of wellness solutions than would have otherwise seemed possible.”
~Cris Goldsmith, President, Innovation Resources
“Dr. Randy Kamen makes an important contribution to the movement for women to inspire and support each other to be their very best. With her years of experience, her warm, engaging manner and capable guidance, you will find a place of safety, growth and caring in her midst.”
~Debbie Phillips, Founder, Women on Fire
“I wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed this afternoon’s workshop. To see you in your familiar venue was both fascinating and inspiring. Your presentation was professional, personable and most importantly genuine. I feel inspired to breathe and meditate in a committed way thanks to you. Thanks again for a fabulous workshop!
~Dena N. Hamilburg, Real Estate Broker
ABOUT DR.RANDY KAMEN
Randy Kamen, Ed.D., psychologist, educator, and speaker pioneered new territory in mind-body medicine at Boston University’s School of Medicine and Harvard’s Spaulding Rehabilitation Hospital. She is the author of the Amazon Bestseller, Behind the Therapy Door: Simple Strategies to Transform Your Life. Her book teaches women how to thrive by developing inner strength, self-compassion, building support communities and discovering their life purpose.
Dr. Kamen presents at universities, women’s conferences, corporations, and health spas on breath work, resilience, midlife issues, relationships, gratitude, work-life balance, leadership, aging, and transformation. She appears on TV, radio, and in major print and online publications and is a regular contributor to the Huffington Post and other media outlets. Dr. Kamen recently launched Blueberry Fields MV, a center for training programs, workshops and retreats on glorious Martha’s Vineyard.
Sign Me Up Now!
I hope you’ll participate in what promises to be a community based learning opportunity—that will support you in making this the best chapter of life.
Please let me know if you’d like to discuss or have any questions about the “The Vibrant Midlife Years Program.” I look forward to our next steps together.
With love,
Randy
For more information or to connect with Dr. Randy Kamen:
email: Randy@DrRandyKamen.com
Website: DrRandyKamen.com
Facebook: DrRandyKamen
Twitter: @DrRandyKamen
December 19, 2015
Self-Talk and Self-Compassion
Click to watch and learn about self-talk and self-compassion, and the power of the thoughts we feed ourselves, in the Dr. Randy Kamen series “Strategies to Spark Your Week.”
Enjoy and share!
9 Keys to Creating Lasting Change
Click to watch and learn the essential keys to making and sustaining lasting change in the Dr. Randy Kamen series “Strategies to Spark Your Week.”
Enjoy and share!
Juggling the Multiple Demands of a Caregiver
Click to watch and learn about juggling the multiple demands of caregiving and how to utilize tools for self-help in the Dr. Randy Kamen series “Strategies to Spark Your Week.”
Enjoy and share!
December 18, 2015
Transform Your Life with Gratitude
Click to watch and learn how integrating Gratitude into your everyday life can transform your sense of wellbeing in the Dr. Randy Kamen series “Strategies to Spark Your Week.”
Enjoy and share!
