Randy Kamen's Blog, page 5

Do you struggle with intimacy?

Jane grew up in a family in which her parents fought constantly. Father was successful, narcissistic and dominating and mother was kind, compassionate but mostly played the role of ‘doormat.’

Jane’s position was the middle child and she grew up seeing fighting between her mother and father as the norm. She knew when she grew up she would never have such an antagonistic and abusive relationship with her partner

In her mid-thirties when Jane found the man she ended up marrying, within the first couple of years she had her first child and found herself fighting with her husband in ways that seemed all too familiar. Except rather than being the doormat, she played the role of aggressor and she didn’t like the person she had become.

As the fighting became more frequent and intense, they finally sought couples therapy/coaching and discovered new ways to begin connecting with each other. They learned that conflict was okay and a necessary part of any relationship but the way they resolved their differences needed to change.

Building more love into your intimate relationships

Love is one of the most powerful human emotions and drivers of behavior. While there are many kinds of love, intimate or romantic relationships are typically the most meaningful.

Being able to sustain healthy, loving relationships does not come naturally to most of us. The ability to have a strong and stable relationship begins in infancy with the child’s basic needs for food, protection, care, stimulation, comfort and social support.

This early life experience is when our patterns of relating to others becomes embedded in the brain. Disappointments and failed relationships often happened even under the most well-intended circumstances.

Even coming from a disturbing childhood does not condemn one to unhealthy relationships and an inability to find intimacy. The truth is that most of us need to commit to learn and consciously master the skills necessary to make our intimate connections with our partner thrive.

6 Keys to building a more loving partnership: 

1. Mutual Respect.

Mutual respect is key to sustaining a healthy relationship. This does not mean that you and your partner agree with each other on everything, but that you are on each other’s side.

Dr. John Gottman, a pioneer in studying couples and marriage can predict with more than 90% accuracy whether or not a couple will make it for the long haul. His predictions were based on observing the way couples treated one another.

Gottman’s research reveals that a high degree of criticism, contempt, stonewalling and defensiveness leads to the demise of a partnership.

2. Slow down.

Mindfulness or meditation practice is a way to slow down what we are feeling inside especially when we feel triggered in the relationship.

Meditation gives us some distance on the triggered emotion and allow us to find some equanimity in relation to difficult or scary emotions.

Once we get a grip on our emotions, we can treat ourselves with more kindness and compassion. We’re better positioned to connect with our partner rather than push him or her away. We can also share what we’re truly experiencing rather than lashing out with rage, blame or withdrawal.

3. What lies beneath the disconnect?

The tendency to act out, criticize, attack or express discontent in any one of a number of ways often tells us more about ourselves than our partner.

Once you develop the ability to slow down you can ask yourself, “What am I really feeling?” “Why am I so provoked by his/her behavior?”

Many of us say that we want intimacy but in fact we’re terrified by it. It could be that anger, disappointment, or criticism is our way of creating a wedge between us and our partner so that we don’t have to expose our vulnerability. We protect ourselves from not being hurt by staying distant for one reason or another.

4. Common goals and values

Couples from different cultural backgrounds or religions can certainly have healthy relationship. Sharing basic values and core beliefs is what makes for a healthy relationship.

The values and beliefs ideally while not the same have a general alignment that mean you are a team in the way you approach your extended family, community, child rearing, finances, etc.  Working together towards something bigger than the two of you strengthens your bond.

5. Stand in your courage

It often take great courage to tolerate certain feelings even the ones we think we want. We want to feel loved and to express love yet this means risking being hurt or disappointed.

There are no guarantees that when we love someone we will be met by the same feelings. Yet when we stand in our truth and act courageously we tap into a higher consciousness that makes us stronger and more authentic.

Loving relationships require a leap of faith on both sides. While scary, this is where we find the ‘keys to the kingdom’—in our vulnerability and in our willingness to risk being hurt.

6. Fun and laughter

Making the time to laugh and have fun together is deeply bonding. It’s an important way to take the seriousness out of everyday life.

It is inevitable that we will all experience pain, loss and challenges in our lives. Developing the capacity to play and lighten up allows us to become more resilient, hopeful and to love more freely.

What do you do to strengthen your partnership, your relationship or your friendships.

As always, I’d love to hear your comments and feedback.

Are you sometimes mean to yourself?

Are you critical or judgmental with yourself? 

You are in good company. While so many of us excel as caretakers in one way or another, when it comes to self-care we often fall short.

Virtually all suffering come from a lack of self-compassion and self-care.

We somehow got the message as a culture that pleasures associated with chill time or being unproductive and enjoying the moment is not okay. We need to be busy and making something happen.

Ruth had given her all to her friends and family. When younger she readied her kids for school; every weekday was comprised of breakfasts, packing lunches, carpooling and then heading to the hospital where she worked.

In the afternoon Ruth picked up the kids and homework, brought them to assorted lessons and sports programs, then came dinner and chores continued until bedtime.

The next day it all began again. Ruth’s husband travelled much of the time leaving the lion’s share of these responsibilities to Ruth.

Do you know what if feels like to be running on empty?

In Ruth’s mind she was doing what needed to be done, but over time she felt like she was going down a sink hole. She stayed true to the course until her baby left for college and then finally succumbed to the stress that had been gradually gnawing away at her the past couple of decades.

Ruth’s sense of well-being had been compromised to such a degree that when her time became more freed up she felt guilty, depressed and socially isolated. She didn’t know what to do with herself or more importantly how to care for herself during this time of transition…and after all those years of giving her all to others.

Does this sound familiar? The consummate caregiver unable to care for her own emotional and physical needs… 

Adding to the pain is the harmful self-talk like, “I’m so screwed up.” “I can’t believe I can’t just pull it together.” “How did I get this fat and old!?”

We add insult to injury and wonder why we get depressed.

Know that when you make your SELF a priority you are poised to be a more compassionate, patient and loving caregiver when your own needs are met. I’m not suggesting narcissistic behavior but rather caring for the mind, body and spirit.

Perhaps it helps to think that self-care is NOT selfish; it’s self-preserving and it creates the space which allows us to bring our best selves to each of our endeavors.

Here are some keys to jumpstart your self-care:

1. Cease the Self-Judgement

Start treating yourself as you would treat your child or your own best friend. Be on your own side! Tame the inner self-talk by reframing negative thoughts.

2. Do what brings you joy.

Give yourself permission to do at least one thing a day that brings you joy, energy or pleasure of some sort. Think of ways to give up activities that drain you.

3. Choose to believe in your SELF

Sometimes it’s easier to throw in the towel and continue going with the status quo rather than fighting for the life you desire. When you continue to choose yourself, it is inevitable that you will get closer to creating that which you long for.

4. Forgive yourself.

Forgiving oneself doesn’t come easily for most of us but it is a skill that can be improved with practice over time. Letting loving kindness prevail is key here. Just as you would forgive a child or a friend or someone you love for making a mistake, you too deserve the same self-compassion. Mistakes help us to self-correct as we navigate forward.

5. Embrace your idiosyncrasies.

Self-compassion is about accepting your true nature which is of course unique only to you. Learn to love your SELF wholeheartedly.

6. Our common humanity.

The most beautiful part of self-compassion is that we all need it and it is part of our shared experience as human beings. We are all flawed and most of us are simply doing the best we can with what we’ve got. Fortunately we are privileged to be on the path towards a greater awakening and self-awareness.

7. Forget about perfect.

Striving for perfection in any endeavor is the ultimate setup for failure. A more loving approach is to aim high and to be as kind to one’s SELF as humanly possible.

And most importantly…

8. Practice. Practice. Practice.

Most of us did not learn how to do this as children and we are constantly bombarded with messages reminding us of how we fall short. Rising above and tapping into the truth about who we are and what we have to offer for the greater good take patience, practice and lots of loving kindness.

What do you do when you need some self-compassion or loving kindness for your SELF?

Conquer Anxiety. Find Peace.

While still in the throes of mourning the loss of her mother, Molly went for a routine breast exam when the news came, a diagnosis of stage three breast cancer. This was the same disease that took her mother.

Molly knew all too well what lay ahead and she was determined to remain strong, go through the necessary treatments and find her way to a different outcome–more time to live and love fully and deeply.

The problem was that out of nowhere, Molly began experiencing low grade and sometimes debilitating bouts of anxiety.

The first time we met, Molly emanated a sense of courage as she told me her story. She had spent her life being the consummate caretaker at home, with work and volunteering when possible. Now being the one in need of help she felt undone and out of control. Soon surgery and treatment were to begin and there was no time to waste.

Conquering Anxiety

The link between anxiety and mind-body or thoughts and physical reactions is well known. We can approach the treatment of anxiety either by learning to adjust our thoughts and emotions, or by training our bodies to respond in a healthier way to life’s stressors. Ideally it is best to practice methods that address both the physical and psychological dimensions.

The “cure” for anxiety isn’t easy but it IS inevitable when one commits to practicing certain strategies. 

The more you commit and maintain a practice of these methods the more likely you are to succeed in combatting the dreaded feeling of anxiety.

What do you do when anxiety strikes?

Five Strategies to Conquer Anxiety and Find Peace:

1. Belly breathe.

Sit or lie in a comfortable position and intentionally belly breathe. No special equipment is needed and the practice of belly breathing can be done anywhere and anytime. It cannot be over practiced.

When you breathe in the belly goes out and when you breathe out the belly goes in. The idea is to maintain an even, rhythmical breath as best as possible–a steady rise and fall in the belly.

Start your day by practicing this breath while still in bed for a couple of concentrated minutes and then whenever you think of it throughout your day. This will help the mind to settle and the body to relax.

2. Exercise!

Regular exercise is nature’s anti-anxiety remedy. Physical movement calms the mind, fires up the release of ‘feel good’ endorphins, and helps with sound sleep at night. Whatever exercise you enjoy is the one to do as it’s most likely that you’ll stick to your commitment to practice.

Keeping a pair of sneakers accessible is one great way to assure that you’ll have what you need for a brisk walk.

3. Feelings are not facts.

Negative thoughts lead to negative feelings. This one is challenging because many of our negative thoughts are deeply embedded in the unconscious mind. However, when we make the unconscious conscious we are better positioned to shift around negative thoughts and emotions.

For example, if Molly wakes up and immediately thinks, “I’m sick. My body is failing and I’m going to die prematurely just like my mother did.” then she is going to feel a cascade of difficult and negative emotions.

On the other hand, if she pauses, takes some deep breaths, and challenges these thoughts, then she stands a much better chance of starting her day on a more positive and hopeful note. The truth is that Molly’s thought process is related to the outcome of her treatment and well-being in general. The more she can infuse her mind with positive thoughts the more resilient she will likely become mentally and physically.

4. Practice Gratitude.

Regardless of your situation, there is always someone or something to be grateful for. We let so much of the sweetness of life slip away in the here and now as a reaction to what we fear will happen in the future.

The truth is none of us know what is in store for us or how long we will live. Making each day count is an important practice for everyone, every day. One way of building your gratitude quotient is by recording whatever you feel grateful for every night before bed. This way you end the day with a positive thoughts and develop your ability to instill more gratitude into your unconscious mind.

5. Get support.

One of the most powerful ways to deal with anxiety is to connect with people that love and understand you. Their support heightens your sense of well being and improves resilience.

Isolation begets anxiety and leads us down a path of potential despair. Even if you tend to be private or introverted, tapping into your resources for a deeper sense of connection is vital for conquering anxiety and discovering inner peace.

What do you do to strengthen you experience of courage and joy even during the darkest times?

As always I’d love to hear your thoughts and comments.

What you focus on grows stronger…

Have you ever noticed that there’s always something to sort out or worry about?

We each face a lifetime of challenges and transitions and there is always some problem to be solved or issue weighing us down.

In part the residue from our ancestral heritage is responsible for some of the stress and fear we encounter. Many of us have become so acquainted with these high states of alert that we consider them to be normal.

“Stuff happening” is inevitable, but remaining in a relentless state of high alert is not. In fact chronic stress causes a great deal of wear and tear on the mind and body.

Stress, anxiety, anger, hate and fear will of course come and go in our lives as these emotions are a part of the spectrum of feeling states that we experience as human beings. 

Similarly we also possess the capacity to feel and express kindness, gratitude, connection, compassion and love. We are complicated and get to access a wide range of emotional states.

Therefore it’s a good idea to understand how to respond most skillfully to difficult circumstances when they arise; how to grow the feelings that best support us and minimize the ones that wreak havoc with our inner lives and relationships.

Whatever we focus on grows stronger.

Just like anything practiced or done repeatedly, whatever we continue to focus on will become stronger in our minds. Therefore it behooves us to choose well the thoughts we choose to entertain.

It is often said that neurons that fire together wire together. This means that we create more enduring connections by focusing on certain thoughts and emotions, be they positive or negative.

The question is what do you wish to focus on?

Out of habit many of us inadvertently feel self-loathing, stress, guilt, shame, worry, fear, or engage in judging and blaming others.

We shape our minds and the way we perceive these events accordingly. This makes us more vulnerable to experiencing these same feelings going forward.

On the other hand, if you focus on positive thoughts and feelings and frame situations with a positive perspective, eventually the brain reflects this orientation.

It is entirely possible to strengthen connections that deepen your capacity to be more resilient, optimistic, grateful, self-loving, positive and connected with others.

Raising your level of awareness

The first key to shifting the way your mind interprets experiences and life events is to raise your level of consciousness.
This can be done by simply noticing the way you are thinking of someone or something. Becoming an observer of your behaviors and inner dialogue is critical to understanding how you engage with your inner world.
Don’t try to change anything about your behavior until you have truly noticed how you interact with yourself and others. This will give you great data about how your mind operates.
You can stay with this part of the process for as long as it takes to “get it” about how you look at the world, perhaps especially with regard to yourself.
Once you have this part down, practice capturing critical and judgmental thoughts and emotions as soon as they arise.Then pause by taking a couple of deep breaths and reframe whatever you just said or thought to yourself with kind and compassionate words. For example, rather than telling yourself that you said or did something stupid you might say, “I meant well and next time I’ll do better.” or “I am a good and decent person.”
In another scenario if you find yourself putting another person down or judging them—do the same. Catch the thought as swiftly as possible and then reframe it in a more kind and loving way.

The idea is to develop the capacity to think and respond with more compassion towards yourself and others.

And the person that stands to benefit the most is YOU.

The negative voice that lives within holds you back from living in greater joy and love.

Consider how different your inner world might feel by incorporating this practice into your life today.

What are some ways that you can reframe that inner critic when she/he bursts forth?

Making peace with chronic pain

Do you love the feeling of moving with abandon—movement to get those feel good hormones kicking and through your body…and mind?

Molly had always loved skiing, dancing, yoga and all kinds of movement especially outdoors. Throughout her life she worked hard and played hard. She was hooked on the rush she experienced from moving her body in space—especially outdoors, finding her flow and her creative spaciousness.

Even after her twins were born Molly continued to make it a priority to run, workout and plan active vacations. She introduced her children to her passions and they too fell in love with the outdoors and an active life style.

When Molly hit 50 she began to feel pangs in her back, sometimes her knees too.

Eventually she discovered that there was significant deterioration in one of her knees and that she would require a knee replacement at 52 years of age. More than likely she would also need to replace the other knee as well.

Molly avoided the surgery until walking became unbearable and then she had no choice but to succumb. The recovery was long and hard and she dreaded the idea of replacing her other knee but knew it was just a matter of time.

Molly hit a new low in her life. Except for physical therapy the joy she had found in movement and exercise was severely curtailed indefinitely. She knew she’d get back to it—but when?? 

Have you ever felt physically out of control… suddenly thrust into the medical system placing your trust in doctors and health care providers you hardly know?

Molly felt her only way to take back control was to dig deep within. She began committing to a regular meditation practice. Every day she visualized her knees getting stronger and getting back to a full recovery without restrictions.

Her vision was to fully heal and continue her love of movement that had so predictably brought her joy over the years.

Molly was a model patient and her pain eventually quieted and mobility improved. However a certain low level of chronic pain persisted and, after repeated visits to a wide range of alternative and traditional health practitioners, Molly came to realize that she may have plateaued—for now and maybe for keeps.

With so many years hopefully ahead she couldn’t bear the idea of living in chronic pain. She explored some pain medication options but none of them quite did the trick.

Instead of wishing away the pain, Molly began to embrace the idea that there might always be twinges and bouts of provoked and unprovoked pain. 

She came to terms with this reality, took the medication as needed and rather than fighting the pain she gradually began to make peace with her mind and body. Molly realized that this was the best way to carry on and make the absolute most of these years.

This meant she no longer tried to run from the pain, but that instead she acknowledged its presence and got on with her daily life. If anything Molly immersed herself more fully into activities and passions.

Moving through and ultimately beyond the pain turned out to be the best way to turn the volume down.

Did you know that chronic pain often creates a vicious cycle in which the body is affected and then leads to more stress, anger and frustration? 

These emotions then increase pain levels making the stress worse. Eventually, depression kicks in. Running from the pain keeps the cycle going.

Stopping and making make peace with chronic pain can be extremely liberating. It can be just the ticket to making these years extraordinary despite the limitations that you/we may face.

As always, I look forward to your comments!

How’s your day job?

How’s your day job? Are you doing the work you’ve always dream of doing?

Julie who is now 55 years old is a sought after ghost writer and journalist. She created a lucrative business and can hardly keep up with the demand of wannabe writers needing her skill set.

Julie the ‘baby’ in a family of seven feels like she’s always stood in the shadows with her work and for the most part has been comfortable being in this safe space.

These days Julie has branched out and occasionally writes articles that have been picked up by the likes of the New York Times, Forbes, The Washington Post and other prestigious print and online outlets.

For the first time in her life Julie enjoys seeing her name in print. In fact, in a recent conversation she courageously told me that her deepest wish is to write her own book.

Julie’s book would capture the rich legacy of her family of origin—a story that lies deep within—that only she could tell. She’s secretly been dreaming of doing this for years.

Julie is at a pivotal point in her work and life. She’s supported so many writers and watched them birth their books. Now more than anything she wants to rise up and take full ownership for her story and her truth.

Do you ever feel like there is something within you that you simply have to bring to life or somehow make happen?

It’s not too late! These are crucial years for realizing your dreams—for creating the meaning and legacy you’ve longed for.

It’s never the right time. Sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith and go for your dream rather than playing is safe.

Did you know that the number one regret of the dying is: “I wish I’d had the courage to a live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”

Do you feel like you’re not living a life in which you are being true to yourself and living life on your terms?

Answer these questions for yourself:

1. What are the next steps I need to take in my life?

2. What holds me back from experiencing more fulfillment?

3. What’s my plan for finding greater fulfillment this year and beyond?

As always, I am looking forward to hearing from you!

Does joy elude you????

Do you take courses, listen or watch online programs and buy self-help books and still feel like you are struggling to live these years as you had always hoped?

Several months ago I began working with a woman in her mid-fifties I’ll call Veronica. She juggles a powerful job advocating for disadvantaged underserved communities, with caring for her learning challenged teenage children and helping her family of origin through transitions.

Over the years she’s taken many courses, programs, read the self-help books, yet when it comes to her own self-care she simply cannot find the time—at least not with any consistency.

Does this sound familiar?

Veronica was empowered at her work, caring for her children and managing the affairs of her family yet she was constantly running on empty. Veronica felt fulfilled in many ways but joy had eluded her for much of her life.

Have you ever felt like you’re living a life rich in meaning—but that joy is lacking?

I have great news for you. There’s plenty that you can do to infuse your life with pleasure and opportunities to savor the sweetness in life on a daily basis!

Your thoughts exert tremendous power over your mind and body. One of the first skills to develop to establish greater joy is the awareness of what goes on in your brain.

How do you get triggered? How do you respond internally? What thoughts continue to cycle through your mind day in and day out? 

Tuning in and watching the parade of inner dialogue teaches us so much about ourselves. The next step is learning how to shift these thoughts and to focus on as Dr. Rick Hanson talks about, “Taking in the Good.” This is about making the decision to build the “muscle” in your brain that’s responsible for recalling (and creating!) positive experiences and then taking it in deeply into the recesses of mind and body.

Savoring positive experiences is a daily practice that can help shift the way you perceive life events. And you only need to practice this 10-30 seconds once or twice daily to start deriving the benefits.

Once Veronica learned how to pay attention to her thoughts and feelings, she realized that she didn’t have to be a slave to her work and responsibilities. She started taking mini, sometimes micro-breaks out of the course her day to reflect or DO something positive even if only for a few minutes.

Veronica not only found greater feelings of joy, but she also became more energized and productive. Who knew??

There is never a good time to make yourself a priority. Most of us have learned that it’s selfish to care for one’s own needs first, but the truth is we are more effective and joyful in whatever we do when our own needs and fun quotient are met. That is when we can give most generously to others and make a difference in profound ways. We’re giving from the deep well within rather than running on empty or feeling burnt out.

Is joy missing from your life? Are you sacrificing your experience of joy because of the demands of others? 

Answer these questions for yourself:

1. What are the next steps I need to take in my life?

2. What holds me back from experiencing more joy?

3. What’s my plan for finding greater joy this year and beyond?

As always, I look forward to hearing from you!

Happy belated Valentines Day!

Wishing you a beautiful belated Valentine’s Day! Hope you’re feeling love for YOURSELF and from the important people in your life.

Do you feel like you’re making the most of your time and savoring these precious years?

Maybe you’re worried that it’s too late for you, that you’ll make a fool of yourself or that you don’t have what it takes to create the life that you dream about.

You know you have special gifts and abilities—yet you’re not sure where to begin setting the wheels in motion.

The reason I’m asking you this is that I got a call from a woman I’ll call Louise who recently retired from her long term clinical practice. More than anything her dream is to create retreats for women.

Louise knows she has the skills and smarts to make a difference in the lives of these women yet she remains stuck in her ability to bring this dream to fruition.

The truth is that with the right support and a strong commitment anything is possible. These years can be exceptionally rich, vibrant and deeply fulfilling. 

This week the New York Times came out with a report saying that women in their 60s and 70s continue to work because they want to and they get so much out of making a difference in the lives of others.

In other words, IT IS NOT TOO LATE!!

Perhaps you don’t feel like you’re getting the best support and guidance to navigate through midlife and beyond and that you’re spinning your wheels.

It does NOT have to be this way. You don’t have to go it ALONE. In fact you’d be far more effective with support and a team of like-minded souls behind you.

I know that it can be hard to trust that someone has your back and that they can help you move forward in a significant way. 

Sometimes it’s easier to settle, to live in the past or in a reactionary state—rather than blazing the trail you’ve always wanted to pursue.

It’s scary putting your ass on the line and claiming these years fully and wholeheartedly.

These are the wisdom and courageous years—if you choose them to be. You don’t have to buy into the fear model any more.

YOU have something unique to contribute and this is your time to set the wheels in motion. INSTEAD of hoping and praying that things will come together for you in the way you had always hoped.

Is there a dream you’re putting off because you’re afraid that it’s too late or that you don’t have the wherewithal to make it happen?

Answer these questions for yourself:

What are the next steps I need to take in my life?
What holds me back from reaching my goals?
What’s my plan for this year and beyond?

As always, I look forward to hearing from you!

Your Nest is Empty…Now What?

After all of those years of carpooling, extracurricular activities, sports events, trekking to school meetings, assorted lessons and weekly playdates, Michelle’s kiddies were launched.

First college and now they both found jobs in New York City—two hundred miles away. She planned getaways to the big apple and family vacations twice a year.

The rest of the time she immersed herself in her part time job, social engagements and philanthropic work. But the heartache of her empty nest was ever present.

What are you experiencing as a result of your empty nest?

In the lulls between her commitments a deep sadness would prevail. Michelle often dreamt about her children and occasionally sat in their rooms just to smell their presence and remember precious moments.

 

Do you sometimes feel a sense of loss that you can’t seem to shake?

This transition is epic and does not resolve easily for many. The feelings that can emerge are often painful—regardless of how well planned this time may be.

Michelle knew that this was her time and as difficult as it was, she was going to whatever was necessary to reclaim her beautiful and precious life.

Do you believe that you can lead a more fulfilled life and become…

more committed to optimal self care
happier and more connected in your relationships
mentally prepared to focus on what’s most important
lead a more joyful and meaningful life
live the life you’ve always envisioned for yourself!

If you feel that you’re stuck or want to cultivate the ability to effectively move forward in your life—I look forward to connecting with you.

 

So…how’s your relationship?

Sophie’s two children recently launched and were establishing themselves in another state. The children were doing well although at times she ached to see them more.

Sophie immersed herself in her work yet she felt a gnawing sense of emptiness. For the first time in two decades she and her husband Tom were alone together.

After all this time Sophie realized how much she and Tom had grown apart. She wrestled with the idea that maybe their marriage had run its course.

Have you ever felt this way in your relationship?

Could she live out her life with Tom? He was a good man, but they no longer shared interests and intimacy felt like a distant memory.

Sophie’s mom lived in an Alzheimer’s facility and she felt obliged to visit her regularly. The many years of responsibilities had taken a toll.

This wasn’t the vision Sophie had for this time in her life. What about the travel and adventures she had counted on?

Do you sometimes feel like these vital years are slipping away?

It was as if Sophie suddenly woke up to her life. She knew she had to make the most of this precious time.

Refusing to settle for an unhappy marriage she saw two choices: to bail on her marriage and move on–or to dive deeper into the relationship and see if it was salvageable.

Are you settling or savoring this time with your partner?

Sophie scheduled their first weekend getaway since before children and though scary she summoned the courage to go for it anyway.

She caught glimpses of hope and began to remember why they fell in love in the first place.

Do you believe that you can live a more fulfilled life and to become:

calmer, clearer, more self aware and focused
better able to build and maintain healthy relationships and support systems
more effective at leading your life
mentally prepared to laser in on what’s important
lead a more joyful meaningful life

As always, I’d love to hear your comments and feedback.