Randy Kamen's Blog, page 7
May 15, 2017
Self-Care: Selfish or Crucial?
Do you sometimes feel like you don’t have the time or energy to make good self-care a priority?
A couple of weeks ago I led a series of workshops at the magnificent Red Mountain Spa and Resort in southern Utah. We’d rise at the crack of dawn. Hike to frightening heights and witness some of the most magnificent vistas imaginable.
At night I led discussions about a variety of topics, the most animated of which was the concept of self-care. To my surprise, although many of the women wanted to care for themselves, they felt varying degrees of guilt about doing so.
Somehow the idea of self-care seemed self indulgent. Yet what I have repeatedly observed over the years is that women who make the time to care for themselves are generally happier, more relational and have the wherewithal to be better caretakers for the people in their lives.
So many of us grew up with the notion that self care is selfish and even narcissistic. The truth is that the renewal and energy we derive from caring for ourselves in meaningful ways fills us mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually.
I can remember my early years as a psychologist when I would see private patients, lecture at BU Medical School and conduct research. There was no balance. There was no self-care and I, like so many people in the depths of helping others was often on the verge, if not in the throes of burnout—operating on fumes.
Do you sometimes find yourself feeling overextended and exhausted more than you know is in your best interest?
It took a major wake up call for me to realize that this had to change. In order for me to continue my work and live out my purpose, I realized I had to include not only self-care but self-love into the equation. This was already in place with my family—but the self-neglect had to come to a screeching halt or the effects would be devastating to my health and well-being.
I might add that by self care I don’t mean getting a manicure, a massage, a facial or taking a vacation even though those are lovely aspects of self care. I needed to make some deeper changes regarding life style. That is, living my days differently, making sure that sleep, nourishment, healthy relationships, exercise and gratitude became an integral part of my day.
Here are my recommendations for self-care. I suggest wholeheartedly that you incorporate these ideas into your everyday life as best as possible. You’ll feel better in your own skin and will have sweeter energy for friends, family, colleagues, clients and whomever else touches your life.
Get enough sleep consistently. Try to keep a regular sleep cycle for greater calm, clarity and rejuvenation.
Feed yourself with beautiful, colorful, nourishing food and drink. Balance your energy and moods with whole foods that bring you pleasure and give yourself time to savor meals.
Surround yourself with people that lift your spirits. As much as possible surround yourself with people that emanate positive energy and kindness. Leave the gossip and negativity behind as it impacts your own sense of inner peace and well-being.
Find moments of time to just be or purposely relax during the day. Taking the time to regulate the breath and initiate a deep sense of relaxation through meditation or just sitting still and breathing abdominally has a profound effect on the nervous system and gives us tremendous vitality and inner strength. Once or twice a day of deliberate relaxation for just a few moments at a time has a transformative effect on the mind and body.
Move your body—ideally in fresh air. Find something physical that brings you joy and commit to doing it several times a week. It will get those feel good hormones going and you’ll feel more enlivened and better in your body.
Ramp up gratitude. It usually takes practice for most of us to truly appreciate the many gifts that we’ve been blessed with. Most of the time we focus on what’s gone wrong or not to our liking rather than noticing the multitude of kindnesses and blessings that are bestowed upon us every day. Practice a gratitude meditation where you think specifically about what you truly feel grateful for. You can do this even when you face inevitable challenges and loss.
Every night you can record in a gratitude journal and reflect on some positive aspects from the day. You’ll be building your aptitude for positivity, resilience and optimism…and you’ll be happier.
How are you attending to your own self-care? As always I’d love to here from you!
Taking in the good as daily practice…
Do you find yourself worrying, being negative or feeling anxious when things are basically okay?
I’m reminded of a quote by Mark Twain, “I’ve had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened.”
This week I will be talking about how to shift your perspective to a more positive mindset.
A woman I’ll call Claire realized that she had a good life—a job that she enjoyed, a good marriage, friends, a nice apartment, and good health. Yet she found herself focusing on the mishaps or annoyances that inevitably happen in everyday life.
For example, someone would cut her off in line or worse in traffic, something became misplaced or broken, a friend was slow to return her call. She’d become agitated and these thoughts would occupy her mind front and center.
Rather than thinking about how much fun she loved making jewelry in her studio, her sweet yoga practice, her generally good relationships with her friends and family—she’d invariably focus on the stuff that was disappointing.
What brought her in to see me was that she felt like this lack of joy, of gratitude and the negativity that often left her feeling down. This negativity loop began to take on a life to its own. She expected the worst despite all of the good in her life and inevitably her experiences would reinforce this perspective.
We discussed her past and where this originated. Over time it became apparent that her early relationship with her mother played into Claire’s fears and negativity. Simultaneously I began working with Claire from a behavioral perspective to help her to cultivate a more positive attitude.
Do you sometimes get anxious, fearful or down for no apparent reason?
Did you know that negativity is often a learned response and that regardless of its origins, much of it can be quieted or tamed by practicing certain methods?
According to Rick Hanson we humans have a “negativity bias.” Negative experiences tend to stick in our minds like velcro whereas positive experiences are like teflon and usually just slip away.
Think of the last time someone gave you feedback. Perhaps you were given five lovely compliments about a project you were doing and one negative piece of feedback.
Which of those thoughts stuck in your mind??
Most of us have a tendency to scan the horizon for what is wrong rather than appreciating what is good and positive in our lives. When we shift this orientation even for moments at a time we develop the capacity for greater positivity and we become poised to bring ourselves into a better place of well-being.
When we hone in on the positive we are better able to realize our potential, higher energy levels, and greater success. The key is to over-practice and ar over-learn the integration of positive thoughts and emotions into our brains.
Over time and by practicing certain skills it is possible to retrain the brain to fire differently so that thinking more positively or optimistically becomes the norm. This feels good and boosts our mindset, productivity, and creativity.
The first step as I told Claire is to look for patterns and connections that brought her joy and to become more keenly aware of what felt good in life—even if the feeling of happiness was fleeting.
In essence we were beginning to activate the mechanism in her brain responsible for positive emotions and if only briefly overriding the brain’s natural tendency to scan for and reside in the negative.
Strategy for “taking in the good” or thinking more positively
(This strategy expands upon the work of Dr. Rick Hanson.)
Get into a comfortable sitting position. Take some deep breaths to feel grounded, present, and focused.
Notice some positive aspect in your life. It can be small or significant.
Allow yourself to entertain this thought in your mind. The idea is to train the brain to notice positive information and experiences.
Take some slow, deep breaths and allow yourself to linger in this positive space for ten seconds or longer. Stretching out the positive. This might feel awkward or forced at first—but in time staying with the positive sensations will become easier and more pleasant.
Now ramp it up one notch higher. Intensify the feelings associated with this experience more deeply allowing the memory to soak into the recesses of your mind and body. This time involve all of your senses––taste, touch, sight, sound, and smell.
Notice whatever might be unique about this event and why it matters to you. What feelings do you hold about this experience?
Savor the positive feelings and let them become embedded in your mind and heart. The idea is to transfer positive experiences from short-to-long term memory and this happens with practice.
As you continue to look for and savor the good you are creating new neural pathways leading to greater positivity. In time you become better able to take in positive experiences more often and in a more lasting ways. Keep in mind that the longer a positive thought or experience is held in conscious awareness the more it becomes embedded in the brain.
Practice this strategy once or twice daily for 3-5 minutes and notice what happens over the course of the next few weeks. It takes a couple of months to change a habit, but I think with this exercise you might start noticing the benefits almost immediately.
I’d love to hear your comments or feedback about what you observe after practicing this exercise.
How to discover your true life purpose
While there are many ways of discovering your life purpose I’m going to focus here on three ways are simple and surprisingly helpful.
Please note that I’m not talking about finding work for your midlife or long-term goals—but rather, “Why are you here?” What’s the point? What’s this purpose to your one beautiful and precious life of yours?
Maybe you think you don’t have a raison d’être or that it’s not important to delve deeply into this often unexplored territory. The truth is we’re all here to fulfill a purpose even if we’re not sure what that may be. The more we resist understanding our purpose the longer it takes to truly grasp what that may be.
Exercise one
Write it down. Steve Pavalina developed this method. It involves taking a blank sheet of paper or computer page and writing at the top, “What is my true purpose in life?”
Write whatever comes to mind—a single word or short phrase will do. Usually this exercise take about 15-20 minutes but for some it can take longer and generate many responses.
Once your gut and heart come into play and a surge of emotion is felt, that’s when you know that you’re on the right track. Keep going until you feel it in your mind, body and spirit.
The words that describe your purpose will hold a special energy and meaning to you that resonates within you over time as you read them.
The next step in this process is to make sure that every day you work on some aspect of that purpose so that you feel the connection between these words and your actions.
You may need to revisit this exercise until you’ve nailed it and with practice you’ll achieve “convergence.” That is, where your inner truth aligns with your outer behaviors and actions.
Can you say that your day is spent at least to some degree doing what matters deeply to you? What are these actions or activities?
Exercise two
Childhood dreams and fantasies. Think about what you wanted to do when you were a kid. What dreams or fantasies did you entertain? Did you want to be a dancer? A cowboy? A firefighter? A doctor? A writer? An artist? Which of these dreams or desires have persisted over the years. Is there some consistent theme that runs through your wishes? Do you sometimes long to live out one or more of these fantasies?
Our childhood fantasies have an uncanny way of tapping into our core selves. In this exercise our job here is to peel away the “shoulds” and the adult expectations and tune into the essence of who or how you wish to be in your life. As I mentioned in a recent email one of the greatest regrets of the dying is the wish to have lived a life that was true to the self—rather than the one that others had expected of us.
These years it become exquisitely important that we pay attention to the messages that we get from our intuition, our heart and our gut. The answers lie within. We need only to silence the outer interference and pay attention to the voice within.
Exercise three
Just do it! Discovering your purpose is not an intellectual exercise. It’s a matter of moving from your head to your heart. All of these practices involve actively doing and experiencing and not just thinking.
This exercise is about experimenting with the interests that move your spirit and that you find compelling. Consider what would you want to do with your life if money was not a factor.
What makes for a wonderful or memorable day? What activities or adventures bring out your best qualities and your greatest sense of joy? How can you bring more joy and meaning into your life right now—today?
When you peel away the layers, you are left with those desires, interests and passions that capture you wholeheartedly and elevate your spirits.
Your charge is to make sure that you infuse each day with some of the juice that you get from doing these things—whether this is a part time activity or engulfs your day.
Finding your life purpose is about gaining clarity about your burning desires and bringing them into alignment with how you lead your life—day in and day out.
By focusing in on the whispers that come from that voice inside we remain in integrity with ourselves regardless of what others think or say. This is when we are living a life of purpose on our own terms.
What are you doing to make sure that you are living in your truth—living your best life by making sure you fill your soul—one day at a time?
Reflection and the Sacred Pause
What does it mean to reflect about your life? Your life choices? Your relationships? Your behaviors?
Reflection is the ability to focus on one’s strengths and weaknesses. It’s about taking the time to identify how you feel in the present moment and to contemplate how others may feel as well.
When you take the time to stop and be in the moment which is sometimes referred to as ‘the sacred pause’ you are able to see your life with greater clarity and wisdom. This time allows you to make better decisions about what and who is most important in your life.
Taking a few belly or abdominal breaths or practicing a mini meditation or relaxation technique creates the space for the sacred pause. It is in this space that you can make a profound and positive change in your life.
Perhaps this means letting go of some people and cultivating relationships with others. So much depends upon the discoveries that you make while reflecting on the bigger picture.
Do you sometimes think about what really matters? Am I wasting my precious time on stuff that doesn’t hold true meaning for me? Am I bickering over nonsense? Am I spending time with those that are negative and lead me down a downward spiral?
We have the power to choose how we live our days—and how we put together our days is how we lead our lives.
Five ways to build your ability to reflect:
1. True reflection always begins with the ability to relax. This creates the opening into your mind’s eye and intuition. By regularly initiating a relaxation response you will improve upon your sensing and feeling skills and you will continue to improve with practice over time.
2. Involve all of your senses when you reflect on your experiences. Hear the sounds, smell the scents, feel the sensations in your mind and body, visualize the memory and notice the tastes that may have been involved. The more you can connect with this experience and contemplate the associated feelings, the more likely you are to gain perspective. From there you’ll be able to make wiser decisions moving forward.
3. Tune into the events around you. Heighten your awareness by becoming curious and awake to the circumstances in the present moment. Most of of the time we’re rushing through the day without taking the time to simply be “in” the moment and we miss rich opportunities that would connect us to each other and to the environment in which we live.
4. Make it a daily habit to review your day, your work, your life. Consider what most mattered to you during the day. What made you happy? What brought you down? Are you moving in the direction that brings you joy and meaning? Then consider how you might tweak tomorrow and bring it more closely in alignment with your heart’s desires.
5. Engage in a flow activity. A flow activity is when you become so completely immersed in a particular interest that you lose track of time. Examples of this might be the practice of yoga, singing, running, painting, writing or doing anything that you thoroughly enjoy. Doing this kind of activity frees up your mind in a way that opens a space for creative reflection.
The autumn is a wonderful time to build sacred pauses into your day and reflect upon what’s most important. As you learn, self correct and grow—you ultimately shape your best life.
What do you do to make sure that you’re on the path—leading the life of your dreams?
As always I’d love to hear your thoughts, comments and feedback.
April 3, 2017
Create a daily meditation practice
Maybe you don’t consider yourself the “type” to meditate or perhaps you feel that sitting still is boring or a waste of time during your full if not overwhelmingly busy day.
What’s interesting is that there are precious few activities that you can engage in during the course of your day that can be more productive than doing just that…still still and meditating.
When you really wrap your head around the benefits and potency of this simple practice, you may wish to reconsider any preconceived notions or past failed attempts at meditating.
In less than five minute a day of meditation practice you can begin to positively change the way your brain fires, the way you perceive the events and experiences of your life and you will derive countless mental, physical, psychological and relational benefits.
Over time you will develop the capacity to zoom in and pay attention to the important details of your life…and simultaneously you’ll strengthen your ability to see the big picture with greater ease and clarity.
The best part about the benefits derived from meditation is that they are cumulative and continue to evolve as you maintain even a brief meditation practice.
Although it may feel like nothing much is happening, the time that you sit doing this most simple method can transform your life in a multitude of ways. I’d say that’s worth five minutes of your time each day! In fact, I can’t think of anything that we do on any given day that yields as much a return as a meditation practice.
So why do so many of us resist doing the meditation which stands as a mainstream part of the finest and most comprehensive medical, psychological and wellness approaches?
The chasm between what we know mentally and what we choose to act on can be vast.
Here are some ideas for getting yourself to start and maintain a healthy meditation practice:
Start small. Meditate for short periods of time—no more that 2-5 minutes to begin. Stay with that timing until it feels utterly familiar and effortless. While meditating, allow that sense of urgency to do something else to quiet down and ultimately disappear. Establish the habit of meditation as frequency is more important than the length of time you spend in practice. Once it becomes embedded in your mind as part of your daily routine and it feels pleasant—it may feel good to lengthen the time that you sit.
Breathe abdominally. If the idea of meditation seems too daunting, just sit for two or three minutes in the morning and breathe abdominally. Breathe in and breathe out at your own pace. It doesn’t have to be more than that to get started. That can be your practice. Just keep bringing your attention back to your breath when the mind wanders.
Link your meditation practice with a habit that’s already in your life. For example a great time to meditate is upon awakening in the morning. You can get up, relieve yourself and meditate—either sitting up in bed, on a chair, a cushion or wherever you’ve chosen as your meditation spot. Or if you tend to go for that 3:00 coffee or snack, consider that time to regain energy and perspective by meditating. Linking this new behavior with an existing one that is automatic takes much of the decision making or will power out of the equation. This will increase the likelihood that this new behavior will become established.
Keep your practice consistent. If possible create a space that you use exclusively for your practice. Ideally practice at the same time and at this same place whenever you can. You will be building associations in your mind that when you sit here—you are going to meditate. Your mind will start dropping into a meditative space more quickly when you strengthen these connections.
Listen to guided meditations. I have some available on my website or just google ‘guided meditation’ and many will pop up on YouTube and you can choose the one that appeals to your senses. Stay with that one for as long as it resonates and then explore others if you so desire. There are also lots of free apps now with guided meditation.
Over time you may choose to switch off the outer guidance and turn inward. There is no right or wrong, just a matter of preference.
With time and practice this will begin your sense of calm, clarity, resilience and wisdom. Meditating can become one of your most powerful inner resources with even a 2-5 minute daily practice. You may even grow to love the inner peace and stillness that sets the tone for your day.
Let me know how this works for you and if you have any questions about making this YOURS.
February 25, 2017
Why self-compassion matters
Today I’m going to be talking about self-compassion and bringing it into all aspects of our lives.
What does it mean to truly embrace ourselves as we are? And how can we cultivate this ability?
It’s been shown that one of the top regrets of the dying is “the wish to have had the courage to live a life true to oneself, rather than living the life others expected of me.”
This is not just true for the dying…For most of us, suffering comes from a feeling that we’re not living and loving fully—and that we are not reaching our full potential.
The tapes that run through our minds can be filled with negativity about ourselves without our even being conscious of these thoughts.
This negativity and feeling of being unworthy or “less than” interferes with our relationships with others, our sense of joy, our productivity and every aspect of our lives.
We are all familiar with compassion. It is that feeling that arises spontaneously within us when we bear witness to the suffering of others, and that triggers a wish in us to take action to alleviate their suffering.
Similarly self-compassion is about becoming aware of the experience of pain in our bodies, minds, thoughts, and behaviors—and then taking steps to quiet or eliminate that pain.
Do you notice that it’s easier for you to tune into the suffering of another…than your own?
Probably because of cultural influences, practicing self-compassion is generally more challenging than tuning into the pain of another. It can be misconstrued with being selfish or self-centered—when in fact self-compassion gives us the wherewithal to be more present, available for and with others.
I’d like to digress for a moment and explain the difference between self-esteem and self-compassion.
Self esteem is a global sense of self worth. We feel self esteem when we have performed or done something well—something special—above average. Self-assessment or self judgment is a part of of self-esteem.
This can create a system for competing, meeting certain standards, looking and acting in certain ways—which can run interference with our well-being.
We get these messages from our families, from our friends, and of course from the media. If we do not measure up in these ways something is wrong with us and we will not feel as valued or lovable.
This can be profoundly threatening to us because everything in our wiring is about longing to belong and be part of the greater community.
Feelings of loneliness and self loathing in more extreme circumstances can be perpetuated and It is often the unspoken pain that we endure day in and day out — all the while longing to fit in.
Self compassion differs from self esteem in that it is about relating to ourselves kindly even with our flaws and imperfections.
According to Kristin Neff, self-compassion has three components:
Treat yourself gently and with kindness like a dear friend.
Witness the humanity that you hold in common with others. We are all imperfect and we share the human experience that connects us to each other.
Be mindful with what is happening moment to moment without judgment and quieting that self critic that resides within.
Creating a practice to integrate self-compassionate feelings into your life can heal your mind and body, and open your heart to new heights. including ourselves in circle of compassion—not just others.
Three way to practice self-compassion:
1. First recognize—bring up to your conscious mind whenever you find yourself thinking unkindly towards yourself. Notice what you are experiencing in that moment. Then allow yourself to engage in a conversation with the part of yourself that you’re rejecting. In doing so create the space to move from self aversion to self acceptance and love.
Look beneath the surface at the shame and disappointment you might be feeling—and find a way to make peace with that experience. This practice is about coming to terms with painful feelings about oneself. Seeing the truth and moving through the difficult feeling is the only way to get to the other side of self love and compassion.
2. Put your hand over heart and after a few breaths, repeat a phrase like: “I love myself unconditionally.” “I am love.”
3. Take a few deep breaths and relax the body from head to toe and repeat:
May I be safe
May I be well
May I be happy
May I live with ease
What do you do to strengthen your feelings of unconditional self-compassion?
As always I’d love to hear your thoughts, comments and feedback.
Create a daily meditation practice with ease
Actually, there are precious few reasons for not including the practice of meditation from your daily life.
When you really wrap your head around the benefits and potency of this simple practice, you may wish to reconsider any preconceived notions or previous failed attempts at meditating.
In less than five minute a day of meditation practice you can begin to positively change the way your brain fires, the way you perceive the events and experiences of your life and you will derive countless mental, physical, psychological and relational benefits.
Over time you will develop the capacity to zoom in and pay attention to the important details of your life…and simultaneously you’ll strengthen your ability to see the big picture with greater ease and clarity.
The best part about the benefits derived from meditation is that they are cumulative and continue to evolve as you maintain even a brief meditation practice.
Although it may feel like nothing much is happening, the time that you sit doing this most simple method can transform your life in a multitude of ways. I’d say that’s worth five minutes of your time each day! In fact, I can’t think of anything that we do on any given day that yields as much a return as a meditation practice.
So why do so many of us resist doing the meditation which stands as a mainstream part of the finest and most comprehensive medical, psychological and wellness approaches?
The chasm between what we know mentally and what we choose to act on can be vast.
Here are some ideas for getting yourself to start and maintain a healthy meditation practice:
Start small. Meditate for short periods of time—no more that 2-5 minutes to begin. Stay with that timing until it feels utterly familiar and effortless. While meditating, allow that sense of urgency to do something else to quiet down and ultimately disappear. Establish the habit of meditation as frequency is more important than the length of time you spend in practice. Once it becomes embedded in your mind as part of your daily routine and it feels pleasant—it may feel good to lengthen the time that you sit.
Breathe abdominally. If the idea of meditation seems too daunting, just sit for two or three minutes in the morning and breathe abdominally. Breathe in and breathe out at your own pace. It doesn’t have to be more than that to get started. That can be your practice. Just keep bringing your attention back to your breath when the mind wanders.
Link your meditation practice with a habit that’s already in your life. For example a great time to meditate is upon awakening in the morning. You can get up, relieve yourself and meditate—either sitting up in bed, on a chair, a cushion or wherever you’ve chosen as your meditation spot. Or if you tend to go for that 3:00 coffee or snack, consider that time to regain energy and perspective by meditating. Linking this new behavior with an existing one that is automatic takes much of the decision making or will power out of the equation. This will increase the likelihood that this new behavior will become established.
Keep your practice consistent. If possible create a space that you use exclusively for your practice. Ideally practice at the same time and at this same place whenever you can. You will be building associations in your mind that when you sit here—you are going to meditate. Your mind will start dropping into a meditative space more quickly when you strengthen these connections.
Listen to guided meditations. I have some available on my website or just google ‘guided meditation’ and many will pop up on YouTube and you can choose the one that appeals to your senses. Stay with that one for as long as it resonates and then explore others if you so desire. There are also lots of free apps now with guided meditation.
Over time you may choose to switch off the outer guidance and turn inward. There is no right or wrong, just a matter of preference.
With time and practice this will begin your sense of calm, clarity, resilience and wisdom. Meditating can become one of your most powerful inner resources with even a 2-5 minute daily practice. You may even grow to love the inner peace and stillness that sets the tone for your day.
Let me know how this works for you and if you have any questions about making this YOURS.
Who are the happiest women?
Today I’d like to talk about the qualities that characterize the happiest women and what you can do to boost your own experience of happiness.
Many of us think of happiness as that feeling that arises when we buy something new, or have an exciting experience.
Psychologist and researcher Sonja Lyubomirsky in her book The How of Happiness, describes happiness as “the experience of joy, contentment, or positive well-being, combined with a sense that one’s life is good, meaningful, and worthwhile.”
This definition taps into the more enduring kind of happiness which is the one I’m talking about here—as it captures the fleeting positive emotions that come with happiness, while simultaneously tapping into a deeper sense of meaning and life purpose.
Interestingly the more lasting kind of happiness is not influenced by income (unless at the poverty level), address, religious preference, educational level, pain/disease/loss or most life transitions. Yet generally we each have our own unique happiness “set point” and that is where we usually return once the dust settles.
What do you notice that happens to you internally after the rush or feeling of happiness subsides?
For most of us happiness continues to come in waves like all other emotions. However there are strategies and actions that we can implement that increase the likelihood of experiencing happiness with greater depth and consistency.
That is, it is possible to change our happiness set point by making certain choices.
So who are the happiest women? And what are they doing to strengthen this characteristic?
Here are seven vital qualities of the happiest women:
1. They surround themselves with supportive family members and friends. The happiest women spend the least amount of time alone although when they do, it feels nourishing.
2. Rather than competing with others or measuring themselves by other people’s standards—they wish to connect, collaborate and support the people in their lives.
3. The happiest women routinely get immersed in ‘flow’ activities. Flow activities are projects or interests that occupy the mind in such a deep way that women lose track of time—such as yoga, painting, writing, dancing, or connecting with friends.
4. They pursue personal growth and intimate connections throughout the life cycle.
5. The happiest women are grateful for the gifts that they know they have and don’t take them for granted.
6. They also have the capacity to forgive others readily and know to remove themselves from situations in which they are not highly valued.
7. The happiest women have compassion not just for others, but for themselves. They see their imperfections and love themselves anyway, knowing they are worthy.
What is one small shift you can make this week to enhance your experience of happiness?
Summer ends… and you’ve got the blues?
Do you sometimes feel blue for no explainable reason?
Perhaps the change of season has evoked an unwanted feeling of sadness that occasionally washes over you. Whether you can identify the cause or not–it hurts and the wish to make it go away or manage it more effectively is real.
Sooner or later, we all have some version of these unpleasant feelings. This is normal. It’s part of the range of emotions we feel as we navigate through life.
Here are 5 effective ways to help you get out of a funk:
1. Do something nice for someone else. The research shows that doing something kind for another being is the fastest way to happiness. Even if it doesn’t seem like a good idea, give it a go and notice how you feel afterwards.
2. Call a friend who you feel safe with. Connecting with a trusted friend or family member is a powerful way to change your state of mind. Laugh, cry, talk or just ‘be’ together. Even if that person does nothing to change your scenario, just feeling heard and understood can make a significant difference.
3. Think about someone that you’re grateful for in your life. Gratitude is not only a sign of mental health, it’s also another great way to generate positive feelings. Write a note to someone you love and tell them why. You can take this one step further and if they’re still around, call them and read them what you’ve written. Notice how you feel after that one!
4. Get active. Get off the couch. Take a walk, a yoga class, a swim, a bike ride or crank up the music and rock out in the living room—just get your body moving. Movement affects your mind and your emotional well being.
5. Dive into a project. Get engaged in whatever projects have been on your mind like cleaning a closet, clearing your desk, starting a gratitude journal, organizing your photographs… Once you immerse yourself in an activity that draws you in, your brain changes and enter “flow” mode, which is similar to a form of meditation. Once in the zone, the blues tend to fade.
Today may be one of those crappy days when you wish everyone would leave you alone—or maybe you wish someone would come along and save you.
Of all of the possibilities for turning this around, perhaps the most powerful one of all is just taking a few deep breaths and pausing and seeing what there is to be grateful for—even in the midst of difficult feelings.
And just because today might bite it doesn’t mean tomorrow will. Remember the light always pours in through the cracks.
What do you do when the blues strike?
[above image compliments of Larry Glick]
What we learned from our beloved Kooper
The day before my first webinar I faced another of life’s terrible losses. We had to put down our beautiful, majestic Portuguese Waterdog, Kooper.
He slid peacefully into eternal sleep and, though we celebrate his full and very well loved life, the pain and sadness remains palpable.
What our family learned is immeasurable. He brought us together at some challenging times and was always a comfort for each of us individually and as a family.
Here are some lessons learned from our beloved Kooper:
1. Enjoy the journey.
2. Basic needs always must be addressed first.
3. Eat with total sheer delight.
4. It’s always great to play outside and get messy.
5. Live in the moment.
6. Don’t hold onto grudges.
7. Sit and listen when some is sad or needs to talk.
8. Be loyal and dependable.
9. Play every single day.
10. Love unconditionally.
His life was a blessing for so, so many. May he rest in peace.
