Randy Kamen's Blog, page 12

Overcoming Unhealthy Communication

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Click to watch how to Overcome Unhealthy Communication in the Dr. Randy Kamen series “Strategies to Spark Your Week.”

Tap into your authentic voice with compassion;

Tolerate difficult emotions as they arise;

Consider how the other feels when you deliver your message.

 

 

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The 7 Secrets of Happy Couples

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Click to watch The 7 Secrets of Happy Couples from the Dr. Randy Kamen series “Strategies to Spark Your Week

They trust each other;
They don’t despair over their differences;
Happy couples are not mean spirited.

 

 

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“Strategies to Spark Your Week” Series

Each week I’ll be releasing a video on My Dr. Randy Kamen channel as part of the series “strategies to Spark Your Week.” Train your brain to be more calm, present, positive, focused and energized. Enjoy and share!!

Conscious vs. Compulsive Eating

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Click to watch 10 Strategies to Help Navigate After an Affair the Dr. Randy Kamen  series “Strategies to Spark Your Week.”

Eat with conscious awareness
Savor the experience of eating
Create pleasurable rituals around food

 

 

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10 Keys to Building Better Friendships

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Click to watch The 10 Keys to Building Better Friendships from Dr. Randy Kamen “Strategies to Spark Your Week.”

Build your community of at least five healthy friendships
Express your truth with kindness and compassion
Listen deeply to the words and nuances of your friend

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10 Strategies to Help Navigate After an Affair

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Click to watch 10 Strategies to Help Navigate After an Affair the Dr. Randy Kamen  series “Strategies to Spark Your Week.”

Both partners must be committed to the work
The cheating partner must cease the behavior
Brutal honesty must come into play

 

 

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Guilt, Perfectionism and Motherhood

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Click to watch how to manage Guilt, Perfectionism and Motherhood in the Dr. Randy Kamen series “Strategies to Spark Your Week.”

Guilt can deliver important messages;
Perfectionism prevents you from getting what you really want;
Derive more pleasure from your experience as “mom.”

 

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Conscious Vs. Compulsive Eating—Part Two

Some practices for conscious eating:

Sit down when you eat. It’s best not to eat while in the car or when walking or attending to other tasks. This is not always possible but do the best that you can. Take a few breaths to shift your attention to the food you are about to eat—notice the food even if just for a few seconds— with all of your senses
Chew slowly. Most of the time we are chewing our food and already thinking about the next bite—instead of enjoying the food we are in the process of eating. You might want to try eating with non-dominant hand-to slow yourself down—pay attention to your own pace of eating rather than being influenced by the people around you.
Savor your food. Experiment with becoming aware of each bite, involving all of your senses. Research shows that the first bite is most pleasurable-so pay particular attention to that bite. When you eat, do your best to just eat. Leave off electronics and develop the association of being calm and present when eating.
Simplify. declutter space your kitchen and eating areas and consider the placement of food in your home. Place heathy food in places in key places—within your line of vision. For example—a colorful bowl of seasonal fruits apples, pears, oranges stimulates the senses and can generate a feeling of tranquility. Have a bowl of cut vegetables ready to eat in a central place in the refrigerator. It’s also important to keep the junk food tucked away out of sight or ideally out of the house completely. Keep your favorite teas visible, so you think to enjoy a cup of tea which sometimes is just enough to quiet cravings.
One psychologist specializing in mindful eating recommends smiling in between bites. She explains that this pause creates a feel good moment in our minds. The research shows that smiling can generate positive sensations in the mind and body, so we begin to make more positive associations with eating. Similarly taking a breath in-between bites slows us down and allows for more pleasure to be derived from the act of eating. The idea is to skillfully interrupt the cycle of unconscious eating and raise it into conscious awareness. This also means learning to regulate emotions in a direct, healthy way rather than resorting to food for comfort. Keep in mind that small simple changes can add up and make a big difference over time

Over time Melissa introduced a number of these changes into her daily life. First she got rid of the junk food and started buying fresh whole foods. She mostly sat at a table when she ate and often said a prayer of gratitude before eating.

Melissa was now living alone so she had plenty of time to practice making beautiful, colorful, nutritious meals. She slowed down her eating—rather than feeling desperate and triggered when she ate, she began to savor the meals she carefully prepared for herself.

At first this felt indulgent, but after a while Melissa felt like she was learning to care for and love herself.

Conscious eating is a process and can be developed just like any other skill with practice, over time. The heightened consciousness developed through the way you eat ultimately spills into all behaviors. That said slip ups are part of the process and it’s about getting back on the path as swiftly as possible.

We could all stand to improve our ability to savor the food we eat. I suggest you consider implementing any one of the strategies suggested here.

I would love to know what works for you and any ideas that you may have about this important topic. Please feel free to connect with me on FB @ Dr. Randy Kamen Twitter @DrRandyKamen or on my website DrRandyKamen.com

Conscious vs Compulsive Eating—Part One

While in the throes of this glorious autumn weather we know that the holiday season is not too far ahead. Hopefully you are savoring these days—the brisk air and warmth of the sun. That said, in preparation for the holiday season its a good idea to tune into conscious eating.

Conscious eating is not necessarily about weight loss or any particular kind of diet—it is about eating with awareness. To illustrate this concept I’ll share a rather extreme, though for some familiar example about a patient of mine—a woman I’ll call Melissa for the purposes of anonymity.

For years Melissa had eaten as a way of regulating or managing her emotions. But while in the depths of her divorce, she decided it was finally time to make some changes and was motivated to eat more consciously.

After learning to manage some of the stress and anxiety she was experiencing through abdominal breathing and a brief meditation technique, which I talk about in greater depth on my website DrRandyKamen.com––she felt ready to take on the next big challenge in her life—which was to stop the compulsive eating.

I would like to interject here that for many women, eating becomes a paradoxical setup for pleasure and pain. Eating nourishes the body, brings pleasurable sensations, and can fill us with delight. Yet it can also lead to feelings of shame and guilt for women who eat to anesthetize themselves to pain and disappointment.

Triggers for compulsive eating are the same as for other addictions like drugs and alcohol. The acronym “HALT” which is used in Alcoholics Anonymous is one way to remember the most reliable triggers: Hunger, Anger, Lonely, and Tired. Any of these needs, when ignored or left unaddressed, can lead to a compulsive eating episode.

Getting back to Melissa—I asked her to talk about past triggers that might have fueled her compulsive eating. Melissa thought for a while and then told me about all her lonely nights growing up. Food became her reliable companion when her mother zoned out. Then in her marriage when Andrew, her husband grew distant, she again resorted to comfort and compulsive eating.

She shared with me one of her painful memories…

“Andrew would go to sleep and I would fill myself with ice cream, carbs, sweets, and whatever I could find. I sometimes hid food because I was afraid that he might discover my secret. I think now that he probably did not want to shame me by exposing my closet binging.

“He must have noticed my weight gain, but he never said a word about my weight or the emptied refrigerator.To this day the only thing that instantly calms me down is eating, but the feeling never lasts.

“I know the eating is doing me in and yet I can’t seem to get a grip on this behavior. Every time I binge, I feel disgusting and depressed. I hate having this lack of control. Most of the time, I don’t even enjoy the food, but I can’t stop myself. I just want to learn to eat like a normal human being, without the guilt and shame”

The origins of Melissa’s compulsive eating dated back to her early childhood, when food replaced love. I told her that, “For years, you filled the void with food. As a kid, this was a creative way to find comfort, but clearly the overeating no longer serves you. The eating might temporarily quiet your anxiety and numb you from painful feelings or any intense feelings for that matter––but in the end as you know it damages your sense of self

The food never really gives you what you need.

Slowing down, connecting especially when you’re feeling vulnerable or lonely, and  developing greater self-compassion will help change your relationship with food—and your SELF.

For now it’s important to make eating a mindful practice. This means becoming more tuned into the how, when, why, and what you choose to eat. Eating with awareness is about being more awake to the experience of eating so that you can more fully take pleasure in food and feel a greater feeling of satisfaction.

EXaholics.com: Retraining Your Brain

Dr. Randy Kamen was interviewed on Retraining Your Brain for an EXaholics.com Webinar:

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_nnhdop2BgM