Vivienne Craft's Blog, page 7

Chubby Fine

I have been on a workout journey for the past few years. I officially started in 2010. My goal was to get healthy (which I did). But then I wanted to get my old body back from before baby. I don’t think that will ever happen.

Anyhoo, I never had a weight problem before I had a baby but my thyroid decided to take a trip to Mexico without me. I have been on meds to regulate my issues and it helps but it does not fix it.

In 2013, I lost 55 lbs. I was only 7 lbs away from my goal weight. But then….Food. Well food and life and lack of money to eat right….and that pesky thyroid.

I gained back a whopping thirty pounds. I workout consistently but my eating has been horrible at times and right on point at other times. I am what I call Chubby fine. The thickness is real but I can still be considered sexy.

I want to have another baby. My last baby. I want to have a healthy pregnancy so I am back on track. My last pregnancy I didn’t gain but 17 pounds but I wound up with gestational diabetes…. and I was skinny.�� Can you believe that?! So I want to lose a bit more weight so that I can have the healthiest pregnancy that I can.

I’m thinking about posting my progress. But I have several reservations about sharing them with the world.

We’ll see.

VC

I’m the perfect mother

I usually don’t get this personal when speaking publicly but I think I may actually post this.�� I take being a mother very seriously. Out of all my jobs this one is by far the most important.�� And by far the most difficult.�� I have had this post in my drafts for a long ass time. Maybe sharing this little bit about my story will help another mom keep going. Cuz this shit is hard y’all.

Okay so I belong�� to a Stay at Home Mom Group. It is the only parenting group I belong to and I only belong to that one because my bestie started it.

Now look–I did title this post intentionally and I will get to that but first the reason I don’t belong to any other groups is because when it comes to mommyhood, women can be not only touchy but preachy and dare I say whiny.

I just can’t with that. I’m not judging but that is just me as a person. I don’t sit around whining about stuff that isn’t done. I sit around and complain about it after its done. I know that part of my personality can be annoying to folks so I tend to not comment or be a part of too many mommy discussions.

You see….I learned my skills in a trial by fire. (Also I have always been the mothering type) Against all my personal admonishments, I married a man with a child. A child I would have to raise as my own (as the biomom acted as if the child never happened). A child that was special needs. I had to pull parenting skills out of my ass and create patience out of thin air. Her special need was originally called Non Categorical Mental Retardation but has since been renamed to ID or Intellectual Deficiency. And in my child’s case, she will always be dependent on others to take care of her and watch over her. She learns things at her own pace and as a parent trying to teach and raise her—-patience is a requirement.

To give you some insight. It took me six years to teach her how to put on her socks and shoes. SIX YEARS!

Now I know what most of you reading this are thinking. “But she’s special needs!” “It’s not her fault.”�� “You should be ashamed of yourself for complaining.”

Yes.

But reading about it and being in it are two different monkeys.

Most of the things that a special needs child (depending on the kind of need) does is not their fault because they can’t help it, Yes, but that does NOT make it any easier on the parent caring for that child.

Imagine day after day, explaining how to put on shoes and socks on the right feet. Buying special socks with indicators to help put them on correctly.�� Day after day going through the motions and day after day having to put your growing child’s shoes and socks on (after bathing and dressing them) yourself because they get it wrong. Month after month for six years. Every day getting up early to dress the child and make sure you have enough time for them to mess around for ten to twenty minutes (because you have to give them a chance to do it) while the child pretends to put the shoes on and sweetly tells you they did it right.�� Day after day running in their room to see them sitting there bare foot.�� Not to mention the tantrums and the hiding of the shoes and socks and then the days where they take off all of their clothes for no reason and pee on the floor. For six years.

Then one day at the age of nine, the child comes downstairs with her socks and shoes on correctly.

I cried. No one understood the feeling I had that day. Not my mom. Not my husband. Not his mother. No one. Because no one but me struggled with this task day after day. For Six years.

It wasn’t just one emotion I felt. It was happiness and joy and shock and relief and sadness over time and effort spent and also a lot of… Well Damn.

After going through the struggles of raising my stepdaughter, I felt like I could do anything. And guess what? I could. Was it easy? No. But when I had my�� biological daughter I knew that kids learn through repetition. That it is up to me to make the right decisions for my child. That I have to think like an adult. That I have to be a parent. A mother. A teacher. A doctor. I have to do it all. And I knew that I could. Because I had been through it and made it to the other side.

All that said….when I hear someone talking about how their child won’t go potty and I know I potty trained my child before she was 2. I can’t relate.�� I can share my tips if I really care to. And sometimes I do.�� But I can’t relate. Because I know that I already made it through the struggle with a child that wet her pants until she was 12.

What I can relate to is the feeling of isolation that motherhood can bring.

I know that parenting is hard and I am strong enough to put in the work. I know that you will cry and doubt yourself and worry but that’s just in the job description. And sometimes you even want to throw in the towel but you don’t. You go in the bathroom and cry on the toilet or scream in a pillow and then go show your kid how to put their socks and shoes on for the 20 gazillionth time.

I know that most will not be able to relate to this post but someone will.

I have made a million mistakes and I am sure I’ll make more but I am the perfect mother because I put in the time and effort. I would give up my own life for my children. I sacrifice whatever I have to for them. And I make sure the decisions I make are for them and not for me. Just like me….YOU are the perfect mom too.

Update: Not everyone is a perfect mom. If your house looks like Hoarders was shot there then no not you. Mom’s who pawn your kids off on other people to raise. Nope. Those people that never comb their kids hair, your kid only has on a diaper at all times, or you have no socks or blanket on your baby in the cold….I’m not talking to you. If your baby sits in shit for hours. Eew. No. If you consider chips breakfast. Do better.�� If your toddlers favorite song is any song with cursing in it. FAIL>�� If you don’t know where your kid is. No. Not perfect.

 

VC

Ain’t no future in yo frontin.

Okay so…..

I am an author but I am also a real person with real friends. And I also have a day job. I’m working on writing being my only job but….I like money.

Anyhoo. I have been seeing more and more people that claim this or that accomplishment. Like I’m an actor (Yet you ain’t been in shit. Movie, Commercial, TV spot, pilot, infomercial, play, school play—NOTHING).

You a model…..( I seen them pics) NO

You a celebrity of some sort. aka Promoter. Uh huh.

And my all time favorite. I’m a writer/author. Look I’m not knocking anyone’s hustle but this is something that is near and dear to my heart. I work very hard at this. And I have had people (who have since been dropped) who have tried to bring me down by saying I am not legitimate and what not. Then they check my record and see oh “She for real.” Then comes the I’m a writer too.�� Okay. Well….Good luck with that.

No really, Good Luck.

I just don’t understand the reason for the frontin. Be who you are. When I was just a recruiter. I was just a recruiter. That’s it.

VC

Quickie: Marriage is Hard

Okay so everyone knows I’ve been married since I was ten…. LOL. I get a lot of questions on how I stay married. They say I make it look easy. Well Newsflash. It ain’t.

So I’m going to share with you an imperfection. Here’s my new gripe. (I have a million of them)

My husband will bypass me every morning only saying Bye and have a good day but not hugging me or kissing�� me before he goes. But he will literally wait on my daughter to come downstairs if he thinks she’s up to hug her.

Now I’m not saying I’m jealous of my daughter but I kinda am. Maybe I need to be naked in the morning when he leaves so I can get a hug. But then he would give me a hug in the vagina with his penis.

And that’s how we got my daughter so….that would just add to my dilemma.

The Circle of Life. *Kanye Shrug*

VC

I might have to admit I’m racist

So I have talked a lot about racism and it’s far reaching tentacles but its time I look at my own faults.

Okay maybe racist is not the word I’m looking for but maybe I believe in some stereotypes. Mainly because I know that stereotypes are born from something.

For instance…

I have seen the Hostel movie franchise way too many times and all the movies like it. Because of that I have a fear of traveling to Europe. Shit the girl from Taken got kidnapped from the freaking French airport. Let’s face it. My husband has a certain set of skills but they center around being a Sales and Customer Service Manager. He ain’t Liam Neesans (You have to say it plural). My ass would be dead.

And hell, what if some of those creepy ass Hostel Europeans got me. I ain’t about that life! I like my eyes in their sockets and my fingers attached to my hands. Ain’t no rich psychotic German chainsawing off my legs. No sir. I need them to walk and stuff.

I know that those movies are an exaggeration but you KNOW someone somewhere saw something remotely close and that is what inspired those movies. Yeah I can’t be an unwitting character in that story.

A part of me gets jealous when I hear about my friends taking trips to Amsterdam and France. I know some folks who backpacked their way through Europe and have lifetime memories and pictures to share. I get a little jealous. I admit it. But then I think about that scene in Hostel where a woman wearing a business suit cut off the titties of a young woman. Um NO! I need my titties.

The other day I saw a guy of obvious European descent who looked like he might be one of those kidnappy people from the movies. I crossed the street. I mean I laughed when I did it and walked back because that dude didn’t want anything from me. He was just minding his own business. A little while later, he was walking back to his car and I saw him eyeing not only me but a couple of blonde ladies. In my mind, he was pricing us. He could fetch more for them than me but he could get a pretty penny for all of us. I hurried my steps and ironically so did the cute blonde chicks. They must have seen Hostel, too.

Anyhoo, I fully understand that this is the equivalent of white ladies thinking all black men want to rape them and I’m ashamed of myself. It is irrational but in my defense I still look in gutters for clowns too.

Shit! Maybe I need to stop looking at TV.

VC

 

Damn my girl parts

Okay I have pretty much prided myself in being a dude with tits and continuously having no fucks to give.�� But some where in the past ten years (after the birth of my child) I have become a blubbering emotional woman…..and I hate it! (And it’s been getting progressively worse year after year)

I cry hard at tv shows and movies and books I read.�� This shit is unacceptable. I was watching Vampire Diaries and I cried so freaking hard it affected me for the rest of the day. I cried two weeks in a row. But can you blame me? Caroline’s mom died and then there was her funeral and then Bonnie finally got free!!! Okay wait, you CAN blame me cuz all of this is lame and I know it. But its my girl parts. Damn my girl parts. DAMN YOU!

Let’s not even start on Grey’s Anatomy last week. FUUUCKKK! I was crying so hard I snotted and needed to get a roll of toilet paper. I almost threw in the towel on watching Grey’s all together because they have gotten me too many damn times. I am so glad Private Practice is no longer following them (Not really !! I loved that show) cuz that was a one two punch to my tear ducts.

Okay and besides all the crying over my tv watching I have to be careful about how I react to what people say to me.�� One time my husband said that I wasn’t his favorite and that he needed to call his side piece. (Before you take my girl power card, you have to realize my husband and I are sarcastic asses with a very unique sense of humor and our jokes are incredibly dark) I started crying. I knew he was joking and I was also joking and saying crazy shit but when he said that I started crying.�� I didn’t want my hubbs to see me crying and taking that shit personally so I went to the restroom.

I don’t like this sensitive shit!!!!! Is this what other women have been dealing with their whole lives? I hate it, so I drown it out with bottles of wine.

Maybe that’s not the best solution.

VC

Rant

Okay so I haven’t been blogging because I have been busy working and writing my new book. And then I also have to do the boring stuff like marketing and such but anyhoo. I think it’s time for a good old fashioned rant.

First off Kanye…..Sit the fuck down. Why in the hell do we care what this sociopath thinks? Why should I have to constantly be besieged with his “visions”. And then he married Kim. We all know what I think of that thirsty THOT of all time. Them together is like the perfect storm of Tomfoolery.�� So the other day I’m getting my Being Mary Jane on and I see Kanye is being honored on the BET Honors this year. Really? For being Coo Coo Pachoo? I know we can’t hold Bill Cosby up anymore but there are other black people out there. P.S. The other honoree is Usher so…..

Secondly…..Did ya’ll hear about the beef between Khloe and Amber Rose??????!!! That shit went left. It escalated so quickly. Look Khloe is my home slice and she is the ONLY Kardashian besides Mama Kris that I cut for.�� But after she went in on Amber Rose over a small snippet of a 35 minute interview on the Breakfast Club, I started to lose a little respect for her. I know she goes hard for her family but when your family is full of twits and whores then you need to fall back a little bit, Ma.�� Look they ASKED for Amber’s opinion on Tyga dating the infant Kylie and she gave it. I agree with her opinion. And they didn’t ask out of left field. Blacc Chyna is Amber’s friend. She would know. Anyhoo. I can’t really complain on this one because I was pulled up to my computer screen with popcorn in hand. Amber clearly won this one. She is my new fave for the way she keeps it real and the insane clown party she executed on Khloe.

Third. I am tired of people with weird ass selfies. Damn it being not cute is one thing but what is it with the extreme close ups and like only your bottom lip and shit. Its not even artistic….its just weird. And the people that are liking them are trying to bang or they are flame baiting you. Nobody actually likes that shit.

Fourth. I’m tired of people lying about working out. That shit is a slap to the face of those in the struggle.

Fifth. I have several people that post vague ass posts. EXPLAIN YOSELF!!! Even if you have to inbox an answer or stop posting that shit.

6. (Yes I switched to numbers) I am a little tired of people trying to sell me something. You say one thing like,”Hey how you doing?” and then I have this amazing deal, product yadda yadda. Nah don’t get me wrong I love when someone is trying to hook me up because a sista loves her coin but I feel like all my friends are seeing me as their next business partner or rung in a pyramid scheme instead of a friend. *sigh*

7. I hate when my friends pretend like they have read a blog or a book of mine. As far as writing books go I have written a lot (6) but for reals they are not War and Peace. They are quick reads and there is no rule against NOT reading my books and stuff so why pretend?

 

Woosah! Thanks for listening.

VC

Rear Window-ish

Okay So I have been watching my neighbor…..Well I have.�� I admit that it is a bit stalkerish but he’s a cop that works nights so I see him every morning coming back from his night shift.�� Anyhoo…he’s married with a kid but I think he’s having an affair. AND IN HIS OWN HOUSE!!!

*gasp* Scandoloso

One day two weeks ago, I saw a lady cop in a truck drive down our street looking for his house.�� She drove past then found the house and turned around and parked. I thought it was weird because she never came by before. I thought that maybe our other neighbors that not so discreetly sell drugs out of their big ass house was about to get raided again.

Two days later the lady cop came back in her truck. Now she has been coming every morning just after the wife leaves and takes the kid to school. And then she leaves before he picks the kid up for school (we pick our kids up at the same time). I just think that is all kinds of skanky.

I could be wrong but…..

 

VC

But why tho? Vol. 2 (Kim K)

Okay sooooooo….Remember the other day when I was like why you gotta put everything out there? No? Well here it is: Body Shaming or Real Talk (NSFW)

I referenced Kim K. And Oh My God she has done it again and I just shake my head and go But why tho? Can you leave NOTHING to your husband? NOTHING? I am down for lingerie pics, bikini pics, nude allusion pics but straight up COOKIE!?

I gotta draw the line at the Cookie.

I remember when she freaked out over Playboy and said she would never get naked again. “One and done to say I did it.”�� She said.

Then I remember her epic breakdown over that W magazine spread.

Here it is if you don’t remember….

Cry me a river over the nipple in W mag

Did you hear her? She said she is Never taking her clothes off again. Not even for Vogue. MMhmmmm. *sideeye*

She doesn’t want people to think all she’s good for is getting naked? Welllllll…….

Then she was nekkie in the stupid Paper Mag. And she didn’t even get paid for that shit.

(I’m not posting that shit again….but I think it’s in the other blog)

Now this. (props to MediaTakeOut for this story)

Really? Really?!!! Again! Straight. Up. Cookie.

Sweet Baby Jesus! I can’t! Not today.

Put some damn clothes you THOT!

VC

 

But why tho? Facebook and such.

I have been noticing a bunch of people posting these…. “We need to…” posts where its like they’re handing down some sage wisdom and prudent advice. And the funny thing is if you just wait twenty minutes, the next post is doing the opposite of whatever they were just waxing poetic about.

I know you know what I’m talking about.�� The “We shouldn’t judge” or “What we should be doing is…”�� They come out of nowhere like someone asked them to post it.

I wish you could see how hard I roll my eyes at those.

Then I’ve noticed that when I’m posting something light hearted or just something I’ve seen and wanted to share…there is always a person who jumps in writing a dang ole essay about something that may or may not be the point of my post. Now while I do enjoy conversation and debate I really don’t understand the need to jump on a platform about a funny picture or a joke.

And quite often they are responding to something that no one said anything about and then it scares the rest of the people off from commenting because of the book that was written by Encyclopedia Brown.

Depending on what the original subject was I usually respond with. “No one was debating that topic.” But that somehow spurns on another comment.

I just wonder why they do it. Are they trying to teach me a lesson? Is it to seem smarter? I have no idea but it is pretty much always amusing when it happens. And to see which person pops out of the woodwork to write me a novel on Facebook is like watching an episode of Jerry Springer.�� “Really that guy?!” Hold on lemme just grab my popcorn.

Anyhoo….

VC