Lisa Jacobson's Blog, page 58

What Makes Your Child A Winner (even when it seems like he or she is losing)

She was determined to take this Big Test.

I can assure you that it was her own idea – not mine.

So she signed herself up to take the Important Exam.

And came home with a long face. She’s “bombed” it – her words, not mine.

 

I think she might have even cried a little over it.

So discouraging. So defeating.

I just hugged her tight and offered to share my chocolate with her.

Which brought a small smile.

 

“Oh, well. At least you tried . . .” I comforted her.

And that’s when she looked up at me.

But you don’t understand, Mom.

I’m not done trying. I’m going back and I’m taking it again.

 

Oh.

I’d already told her that she didn’t need to do this for us. For her dad and me. We didn’t care about it and it didn’t mean anything to us.

But it meant something to her.

And that’s another matter.

It came down to her own determination – not mine.

Here’s what we can teach our children about being a winner:

Give it all you’ve got.  Push harder than you ever thought you could. We live in a culture that tends to exalt the “easy” and the “instant”. But good things come to those who are willing to work hard and wait for the reward. If our children can learn this one lesson? They will be be set up to be life-time winners.
Don’t look around at what others are doing.  This only distracts us from focusing on what is ahead of us. Who cares what other people are doing? Concentrate on your own goals and that should be enough.
Don’t give up. This happens to be our family motto: Jacobsons Never Give Up. Our kids have heard this from the earliest age and it has spurred them on many times when things got tough – or even seemed impossible.
Learn to be a good loser. And that right there makes you a winner. If others “beat” you fair and square? Then be the first to shake their hands. Rejoice with those who rejoice.
You don’t have to be great at everything. Whoever said you had to excel in all things? Develop the talents and skills God gave you – and throw off the pressure to do what everyone else seems to be doing.
Your best is always good enough. It doesn’t matter how others compare to you (see #2) and it doesn’t matter if you came in first place (see #4). What matter is that you did your very best and that will always make you a real champ.
You’re a winner. Because that’s how God made you. It is not based on how much you accomplish, how well you do, or what competition you win. God created you and God loves you. You are a winner in His eyes – and that is unbeatable!

It’s in His Word - not mine.

I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well. ~ Ps. 139:14

Yes, definitely a winner.

In His grace,



(This post may contain affiliate links. Read my full disclosure.)

*Our books are now available:  100 Ways to Love Your Husband by Lisa Jacobson and 100 Ways to Love Your Wife by Matthew L. Jacobson

If you would like these posts delivered directly to your inbox, simply subscribe below (and get the FREE eBook, The 7 Habits of a Highly Fulfilling Marriage).

38 Best Bits of Marriage Advice A Woman Could Get

*If only someone had given me a “little black book” like this before I was married! Thank you Christy for sharing some of the best marriage advice ever. (And to my younger, unmarried friends – and you know who you are – be advised: contains some “PG-13″ content. )

Dear girl of mine who has been married for a whole month now,

Many years ago your daddy and I worked with the college students at church, and we loved that job. Then those young women started getting hitched.

For the first wedding shower gift, I went to the store and paid 78 cents for a tiny black notebook. On each page I wrote the young woman some marriage wisdom that it had taken me a good decade to figure out through trial and error, error, error.

The little book was a hit.

Before the next showers those girls started saying, “I can’t wait until I get my little black notebook.” I think this is because it had good advice and also a few scandalous pages about sex that seemed to amuse them.

So darling girl, I have been waiting to give you your little black book, except I’m going to share it big for all the young women out there, and maybe for some of the older women.

Because we want to be good wives, and that requires some knowledge.

I Wish It Hadn’t Taken Me 10 Years to Learn . . .

1.      When you find out what really ticks him off, stop doing it.

2.      Don’t ask him to fill needs in your life only God can fill.

3.      He is not your dad.

4.      Husband’s first aid kit: Is he discouraged? (Sex.) Is he lonely? (Sex.) Is he feeling hopeless? (Sex.) Is he grieving? (Sex.) Is he tired? (Sex.)

5.      He doesn’t know what you’re feeling. You have to tell him.

6.      He doesn’t know what you’re thinking. You have to tell him.

7.      He doesn’t know why you’re upset. You have to tell him.

8.      He didn’t stop being who he is when you got married. Let him go play with the guys. Let him pursue his hobbies.

9.      Only God can change a person. You cannot change him.

10.   A man needs time to unwind after work. Give him space.

11.    Don’t complain to your girlfriends about him.

12.    Tell your girlfriends how awesome he is. Brag.

13.    Put yourself in his shoes. What was his day like? Did he sleep well?

14.    Christ above all. Get your joy from Christ. Get your fulfillment from Christ. Get your purpose from Christ. Get your self-worth from Christ. Get your encouragement from Christ.

15.    Pray for him.

16.    Learn to be a good cook. (But if you can’t, distract him in the bedroom.)

17.    You wouldn’t make him go days without food or water. Don’t make him go days without you. If you know what I mean.

18.    Not in the mood? Ask for 15 minutes and go get that way. A bubble bath? Perfume? Women are crock pots and need more time to heat up.

19.    God is faithful about money, heart issues, forgiveness –all that. But God is also faithful in the bedroom. You can pray and ask for help and wisdom in that room just like you can anywhere else.

20.    Obey God. It does wonders for your man.

21.    Learn your man’s language. What makes him feel most loved?

22.    Make sure he has clean socks and underwear in the drawer.

23.    Apologize. Quickly.

24.    Study any flaws in how you express anger and fix them.

25.    Practice grace. Let the poor guy have some faults.

26.    Speak words of respect.

27.    Let him have some dreams.

28.    Make your thoughts about him obey Christ.

29.    Don’t answer for him. If someone asks you if he can do something, say, “I don’t know. You’ll have to ask him.”

30.    Put a new piece of lingerie in his stocking every Christmas. Oh yes.

31.    When you go on a date, decide what hot topics you will avoid.

32.    Create a peaceful home environment. Keep it simple and tidy –something cozy to come home to after a hard day.

33.    Sex is an intimate art. It takes years to perfect. Practice, practice, practice.

34.    Do not try to talk to him during sports highlights.

35.    Flirt.

36.    Look for ways to make him smile. It might be as easy as buying popsicles as a surprise.

37.    Always try to make your marriage a little better.

38.    Slow dance in the kitchen, even if it makes your kids act like they’re going to throw up.

There you go, my girl. You’ll need to add to the list, I’m sure. There’s always something new to learn –about yourself, about him, about God’s expectations in each unique situation.

May the world witness the beauty of love, in all its depths, through your marriage.

Your Momma.

Christy Fitzwater is a pastor’s wife living in Kalispell, Montana. She is the mother of a son in high school and a daughter who was recently married. She enjoys when the days get shorter and the weather nasty so she doesn’t feel guilty about not going outside. Days where she can just read books and write words all day. She can even tell you the plots of 15 missionary biographies without batting an eye. You can read her personal blog at ChristyFitzwater. Also find her at Pinterest and Twitter.

(This post may contain affiliate links. Read my full disclosure.)

*Our books are now available:  100 Ways to Love Your Husband by Lisa Jacobson and 100 Ways to Love Your Wife by Matthew L. Jacobson

*If you would like these posts delivered directly to your inbox, simply subscribe below (and get the FREE eBook, The 7 Habits of a Highly Fulfilling Marriage).

How to Help Your Quiet Child Talk to You (& why it’s so critical to do so)

You wouldn’t have to know us long . . .

Before you concluded that we’re a family of talkers.

And it’s true. There’s little we enjoy more than a rousing conversation.

Unless perhaps it’s a cup of French press coffee.

But in spite of the fact that most of us are talkers, if you stuck around long enough, you’d observe a few who were less talkative than the others.

Oh, they might smile with their eyes or nod in agreement – or disagreement – but they don’t really say much.

These are my quiet children.

And I have a deep appreciation for their quiet spirits and silent ways.

But over the years? I’ve learned that there’s also a danger with our non-talkers.

Danger?

Yes, and I’ll tell you why.

While there’s nothing wrong with choosing to say less . . .

Choosing not to communicate can be harmful to your child.

It’s critical that your children tell you what they are thinking and feeling.

It’s critical that they are able to voice their struggles and concerns.

It’s critical that they learn to communicate for the sake of their family relationships, friendships, and future marriage.

So while I have no wish to change their personality, as their parent, it’s my responsibility to help them learn to communicate what’s on their heart and mind.

And if you have have a more reticent child, it’s your responsibility too.

How does a parent encourage a Quiet Child to start talking?

1.     Set aside time. Your willingness to prioritize the time shows your child that you are serious about this and that it’s very important to you. A child is far less likely to open up if you’re always rushing around or on your way somewhere.

It takes both space and time to reach a quiet heart.

2.     Ask questions.  Your child might not be too eager to volunteer what is going on inside him or her, so why not begin with asking some basic questions?

How did that make you feel?
What have you been thinking about lately?
What is your favorite . . . (book, movie, food, etc) and why?
Do you ever feel afraid? What kinds of things make you fearful?
What did you like best about today? About that event?
What do you enjoy the most? What kinds of things make you feel happy inside?

3.     Wait patiently.  For their answers. Be willing to remain silent until they come up with something. If you have a really “tough” case, then maybe throw out some words or possible ideas to get them started – but only as a last resort.

4.     Listen without judgment. Okay, so I know we’re the parents and I’m not suggesting you throw out discernment or wisdom. But try to resist the urge to pass judgment, to solve the problem, or generally sweep through and take over.

Instead, simply nod your head and express your interest in what they have to say. (Only later, if necessary, come in and and correct “wrong” thinking.)

5.     Explain that communication is not an option. It is expected that each child of ours will learn the skill of communicating. Just as it is “not an option” to avoid eating with the family or helping out around the house, so it is with talking together. While it might be more difficult for some children than it is for others, it is still expected that they will participate and eventually grow in this area.

Now that some of our quieter children are older, they’ve been able to express how much they needed to open up and share their hearts. They see what a difference it makes – in both their relationships and their own inner peace –  to be able to talk about their joys and struggles.

So if you happen to have a Quiet Child? Strike up a conversation and enjoy a good heart-to-heart.

You both will be very glad you did.

*What do you do to encourage your quiet child to open up? Or, if you were that “quiet child”, what helped you to communicate your thoughts and heart? 

In His grace,



(This post may contain affiliate links. Read my full disclosure.)

*Our books are now available:  100 Ways to Love Your Husband by Lisa Jacobson and 100 Ways to Love Your Wife by Matthew L. Jacobson

If you would like these posts delivered directly to your inbox, simply subscribe below (and get the FREE eBook, The 7 Habits of a Highly Fulfilling Marriage).

Why Wait Until the Fourth of July to Set Off Spectacular Fireworks?

I’m hoping you won’t think any less of me.

But I’m not really much of a texter.

I know that puts me hopelessly behind the times and my dear husband has done his best to bring me up to speed. He even went out and got me a snazzy smart phone.

So one day I heard this peculiar swoosh sound emanating from the thing. Curious, I picked it up and saw there was a green bubble square indicating I had a message.

A message? For me??

And suddenly I’m a young girl in junior high who’s just been passed a carefully folded-up note – intended only for my eyes.

No name given, but I recognized the number. Knew it by heart. It was his.

The message went like this: “Hey Gorgeous, you’re my girl.”

That’s it. That’s all he said.

But, ooh-hoo! Did that ever light some spectacular fireworks in my heart! I nearly swooned with love for the guy.

And I decided that I liked my new phone.

And I liked texting.

And I sure did like him.

It also got me thinking . . .

What about a reply? I should write back to him. What kind of “note” could I deliver in return? Hmmm…..

So I set out on one of my secret campaigns – a little love campaign.

Each day I wanted to say something I loved or appreciated about him.

Just one thing. Short and sweet.

Things I figured he knew? But just in case he had any doubts or it wasn’t as clear as it could have been.

Oh yes, I was going to try and send a few fireworks his way as well.

On some days I whispered my message in his ear. On others I shared it quite loudly in front of the children. I sent out emails and scribbled notes and left them on his desk. I even – believe it or not –  texted a line or two.

So maybe you’re considering starting a little Love Campaign of your own?

If so, I highly recommend it. It’s really quite fun – with or without a snazzy smart phone – and you just might find that two people can play this game.

Looking for ideas? Here’s a sampling of the ones I sent out to him:

I couldn’t do this without you. And I wouldn’t want to either.
Honey, you make me laugh!
I loved being with you this morning.
You are my knight in shining armor.
I’m crazy about you, Baby.
You’re a good dad. Making homemade ice-cream with the kids at 10:00 pm!
I miss you when you’re gone.
I was glad for your clear head in that difficult situation earlier today.
This is my favorite place to be. Snuggled up in your arms.
Thank you for looking after me.
My heart belongs to you. Always.

And if you’re wondering if my strategy was successful?

Well, yes, I’d like to think it was.

He seemed to like my notes and messages. I could tell by the way he smiled and by the way he hugged me extra tight when he got home at night.

I mean, why wait until the Fourth of July to set off the fireworks?

A few thoughtful words – written, whispered, spoken, and texted too. Little love notes scattered everywhere.

And spectacular fireworks all year round!

In His grace,



(This post may contain affiliate links. Read my full disclosure.)

*Our books are now available:  100 Ways to Love Your Husband by Lisa Jacobson and 100 Ways to Love Your Wife by Matthew L. Jacobson

If you would like these posts delivered directly to your inbox, simply subscribe below (and get the FREE eBook, The 7 Habits of a Highly Fulfilling Marriage).

The Big Difference Between Treasure and Just Plain Stuff

You’re wondering what got into me.

I’m not sure I can even say.

Maybe it was stress that brought it on. Or maybe it was a deep, spiritual insight. Then again, maybe it was just the garlic in the pasta I’d had for lunch.

In any case, the light went on….

We were burdened with too much stuff.

More than I could handle. More than this mom could manage.

And, clearly, more than our children could manage.

I knew this because we couldn’t seem to stay on top of it, no matter how hard I tried.

To be perfectly honest, it had become a source of friction between them and me and I didn’t like it.

I suddenly saw it for what it was. Our stuff was holding us back and weighing us down.

So I called the children together and quietly started talking to them about treasure. This was a word even the youngest could understand. Oh, yes, they knew about treasure.

How much treasure should we really have and where should we keep it?

This sure got the kids thinking. They didn’t want to be greedy. We wanted our treasure in to be in Heaven (Matt. 6:19-21).

Now maybe you’re jumping ahead, “Oh, so she decided to declutter.” But you see, I’d already tried that before and it didn’t seem to work for us.

No, what I’m talking about is quite different. Rather than sorting through mounds of things and deciding what we could get rid of and what we’d hang onto….I did something totally different.

We looked at our pile of stuff and decided what we would KEEP.

But that’s it.

Everything else had to go.

It was so simple and so easy, I’m not sure why I hadn’t thought of it before.

We picked out a specific space for clothes and a specific box for toys and that space determined the amount of things they could keep. We then had a big party passing along all the remaining items to others who needed it far more than we did.

And you know something? The entire process took only one afternoon.

Here’s how we were set free from so much stuff….

Treasure Box

I gave each child a clear, plastic box (like this 16 Quart Stacking Drawer) and let them pick out what was most dear to them – as long as it fit in the box. When the box was too full? They had too many treasures and needed to pass along those things to others (or the trash). Each child kept their box under their bed.

Traveling Light

Now if God suddenly called us to the mission field (could happen!) or we invited someone to stay with us (has happened), we were no longer tied down by our possessions. We were free to say “Yes!” and didn’t have this huge management issue on what we should do with All The Stuff.

Freed From the Trap

If you’re wondering if the children felt sad or deprived? No, I’d say it had quite the opposite effect. They felt FREE. They could now clean their rooms in less than 20 minutes. Our house was generally tidy and our evening pick-up took only a few minutes. Mommy was less stressed and we spent far less time looking for lost items. It was a win-win for us all.

So if you happen to be like me and find yourself balancing more than you can manage?

If you want to simplify your life, but a big project like decluttering seems rather overwhelming?

Consider freeing your family from having so much stuff.

Live free. You’ll love it!

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also (Matt. 6:21)

*Have any questions? Do you have another solution to offer? Please share! 

In His grace,



(This post may contain affiliate links. Read my full disclosure.)

*Our books are now available:  100 Ways to Love Your Husband by Lisa Jacobson and 100 Ways to Love Your Wife by Matthew L. Jacobson

If you would like these posts delivered directly to your inbox, simply subscribe below (and get the FREE eBook, The 7 Habits of a Highly Fulfilling Marriage).

4 Creative Ways a Busy Mom Can Find Time to be in the Word

So I had this brilliant idea.

I was so desperate to spend some alone time with God that I actually set my alarm for o-dark-thirty (I told you I was desperate).

Even though I’m not particularly known for being a “morning person”, I was willing to go to any lengths to have a few special minutes.

Alone.

With God.

So I tiptoed over to the couch and picked up my Bible and turned on one little light (only a tiny one, mind you!).

Can you tell me just how it is that a child can hear the “click” of a light switch?

Because I wasn’t alone any longer.

We were snuggling and it was sweet.

But I didn’t necessarily set my alarm for the early morning hours so that I could get some extra snuggling in, if you know what I mean?

Rats! Foiled again.

You see, my challenge is that I happen to be a very busy lady. I’ve got tons of stuff going on and people – especially my young people – seem to keep demanding my attention. Taking up my time. Filling up my day.

Really, you too?

Well, since it seems I’m not the only one, I’ve compiled 4 creative ways that busy moms – people like you and me – can do to help us spend that much-needed, wonderful, renewing time in the Word of God.

4 Creative Ways for Busy Moms to Get Into The Word

1)  Kitchen Sink Study: If you find yourself spending a fair amount of time in the kitchen? You can tack up Bible verses on the window sill, or at a similar convenient location. Meditate on them. Memorize them. Drink it in. Ask God to speak to you while you’re prepping, cooking, or cleaning.

2)  Blanket Bible Study: When my children were younger, after lunchtime I lay out a blanket for each and had them play quietly while I read to myself from a nearby chair. The “older” ones (ages 6 and 8) got to have children’s Bibles of their own, while the younger ones (ages 3 and 5) had small toys to play with. The baby napped (hopefully!). It took a little training, but this became a truly delightful time for us all.

3)  Rise-N-Shine Study: This is probably my most painful one. Since I’m really NOT a morning person, it requires a huge amount of effort for me to get up while it’s still dark outside. But what a great way to start the day – even if I do find myself with unexpected “company” sometimes.  Precious Words read in those early morning hours.

4)  After-Lights-Out Study: This one is for the opposite end of the day. Once I got my nursing infant down for the evening, I tucked myself in with my Bible. Either my husband took the other children, or we put them down at a fairly decent hour. Even though I was tired, that time in the Word often gave me a “second wind” and a renewed perspective.

Over the years, I’ve tried one or more of these and I’ve always been so very glad that I made the effort. 

The busier I am? The more stressed I am? The more tired I am? The more I need the Word of God to sustain me.

Your Word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path. (Ps. 119:105)

So dear busy mom, if you’re struggling to find the time to read your Bible and to talk quietly with the Savior? Then I hope this encourages you.

While finding this “kind of time” is one of our biggest challenges, it’s more than worth the effort – don’t you think? 

Do you have any other “creative ways” to suggest? I hope you’ll share them with us!

In His grace,



(This post may contain affiliate links. Read my full disclosure.)

*Our books are now available:  100 Ways to Love Your Husband by Lisa Jacobson and 100 Ways to Love Your Wife by Matthew L. Jacobson

If you would like these posts delivered directly to your inbox, simply subscribe below (and get the FREE eBook, The 7 Habits of a Highly Fulfilling Marriage).

Why It’s So Very Important to Stop and Celebrate

The time had come and deep down I knew it.

No point in putting it off any longer. My little laundry room was so messy and cluttered I could hardly get in and out of there anymore. Blah! What a mess!

Besides, it was the start of summer. The time for new growth and bright beginnings, right?

So I rolled up my sleeves, slipped on my yellow rubber gloves, and went to work. Sorted, trashed, and scrubbed until you could see shiny counters and a spotless floor. Clean and clear at last.

Da-ta-da!!

Not sure if this tells you too much about me, but looking out at that sparkling room I felt a strange kind of exhilaration. A sense of triumph. Like I’d really done something.

It was while gazing out at this great achievement that I heard someone sneak up behind me.

And shut the door.

Well, you remember how I described my “little” laundry room? Tiny might be more accurate.

Let’s put it this way . . . two people and a closed door make for a rather close encounter.

I briefly hesitated, but then turned to face the intruder.

And there he was.

That man I married.

Suspiciously pulling something out from behind his back. Actually, two somethings. Two chocolate-dipped Häagen-Dazs ice cream bars to be exact.

I think I squealed.

Quickly followed by a sacred hush as we didn’t dare make another sound in case one of the kids overheard. So without a word we munched on our frozen bars in the newly shined laundry room.

Quietly celebrating. Everything.

Not just the squeaky-clean room we were standing in.

Not only the job done, or the goal completed.

But him and me.

And all that had been messed up, cleaned up and made beautiful over the years.

Celebrating in front of the Whirlpool washing machine.

It’s funny how many thoughts run through your mind when you’re silently eating an ice cream bar in a small space. Especially when it’s with someone you’ve loved, lived with and slept with over the years.

I began to wonder. About me. And about you.

How often do we stand still and celebrate our little successes? Pause to recognize the good things that have been going on?

Or do we just keep chugging along? Too busy moving on to the next problem that we don’t realize that something Big is going on in our everyday lives.

That together we’re working on a really wonderful thing.

Maybe he’s getting better at coming home when he said he would. Or you’re more welcoming when he walks in the door.
Maybe he’s been offering to take the children, so you’ll get a break. Or you’ve been telling him how much you appreciate his hard work.
Maybe he’s been listening more carefully to what you have to say. Or you’re speaking kinder and more encouraging words.
Maybe he’s working more on meeting your needs. Or you’ve been seeking to satisfy him more often.
Maybe he’s been saying he’s sorry for having hurt you. Or you’ve been more forgiving and willing to let it go.
Or maybe you’ve both simply decided that you’re going to love each other. No matter what. That you’re in this for the long haul.

Some might say these are small things. Even use the word tiny to describe what’s gone on.

But you know what I think? I think it’s a time of new growth and bright beginnings.

I say, you’re really doing something.

So why not stop and celebrate?

*What are you celebrating in your marriage these days? What little things do you have to be thankful for? Please share! I love hearing from you. 

In His grace,



(This post may contain affiliate links. Read my full disclosure.)

*Our books are now available:  100 Ways to Love Your Husband by Lisa Jacobson and 100 Ways to Love Your Wife by Matthew L. Jacobson

If you would like these posts delivered directly to your inbox, simply subscribe below (and get the FREE eBook, The 7 Habits of a Highly Fulfilling Marriage).

How a Little Yes Can Change a Big World: A Review of Rhinestone Jesus

Sometimes saying yes is the hardest thing you’ll ever do.

I know. Because I’ve said a yes or two and it felt a little like jumping off a cliff.

Something of a free fall.

But some of the most challenging things in my life . . . have turned out to be the very best things too. Maybe you know what I mean?

So that’s why I was immediately drawn to this newly released book: Rhinestone Jesus: Saying Yes to God When Sparkly, Safe Faith Is No Longer Enough by Kristen Welch

If you pick it up, be prepared to be challenged. Convicted, even.

And, no, Kristen doesn’t just ask us all to go to Africa.

Instead she tells the story of how God inspired her and her family to start Mercy House, a Christian home for pregnant girls living in the streets of Kenya.

It’s truly an amazing story.

But it’s not the only amazing story in the book.

It’s also a beautiful story of love and forgiveness in her own marriage.

We knew it would be the greatest battle of our lives–this choice to walk in freedom and forgiveness–but we decided in the middle of our devastation that we would fight for wholeness in our marriage. ~ Kristen Welch in Rhinestone Jesus

It’s an inspiring story of motherhood and family.

Looking at my life, some people would say I have gotten to do some big things for God. But the most significant thing I’ve done for Jesus is to love and serve my family. Motherhood becomes me, and God uses it daily to refine me and draw me closer to Him. ~ Kristen Welch in Rhinestone Jesus

It’s a story of God’s miraculous provision.

God is constantly reminding me to look behind, to look at how far He has brought us, how many miracles He’s performed along the way, how many mountains He’s moved on our behalf, how many times He’s rescued and healed, how much hope He has given. ~ Kristen Welch in Rhinestone Jesus

Mostly it’s a story of the Gospel.

(This post may contain affiliate links. Read my full disclosure.)

Kristen has an engaging writing style that is easy to read—sprinkled generously with her wonderful sense of humor and refreshing honesty. Wherever you’re at in life – young or old, married or single – I think you’ll find her message compelling and inspiring.

After all, isn’t it encouraging to see how just one little “yes” can impact a big world?

Here are a few of the chapters titles you’ll find in her book:

· When Motherhood Becomes You

· Finding Beauty in the Broken Pieces

· The Yes That Changed Our Family

· Defeating My Biggest Foes

· Start Small Today

You can pick up Kristin’s book here (click the link below):

Rhinestone Jesus: Saying Yes to God When Sparkly, Safe Faith Is No Longer Enough

So if you’re looking for something wonderful to read this summer? This one is near the top of my list.*

You can also visit Kristin over at her blog, WeAreTHATFamily, where she writes on marriage, parenting, and ministry.

I hope you’ve found this Club31Women Book Review helpful and encouraging!

In His grace,

If you would like these posts delivered directly to your inbox, simply subscribe below (and get the FREE eBook, The 7 Habits of a Highly Fulfilling Marriage).

*While I might not personally agree with every word in each book, my recommendations are based on what I believe to be, on the whole, an edifying, encouraging, and/or challenging read for the Christian life.

7 Creative Ways to Get Kids to Tidy Up Their Rooms

Cleanliness is next to godliness.

Okay, so maybe it’s not found in the Bible. But then again, there does seem to be some connection between the kids’ cleanliness and my godliness.

Not that there should be!

But when I walk into their room and it looks like a hurricane has swept through…well, I feel myself slipping into Crazy-Mom mode.

I just don’t get it. It’s not the way we’ve raised them. I’ve shown them how to tidy up their rooms; tried instructing calmly, writing it in their schedules, lecturing loudly, and hard-core consequences.

I’ve even tried shutting the door and declaring not to care anymore. But that didn’t set right either.

So the children’s bedrooms are probably my biggest domestic challenge.

And after years of wrestling, raging, and other equally ineffective techniques, I began thinking up creative ways to encourage the kids to get the job done.

More Mary Poppins, less Cruella Deville. A spoonful of sugar and all that.

Now on the chance that I’m not the only mama who finds children’s rooms a challenge?

I’m passing along seven of the more successful ideas:

M& M Cleaning:  I’ll start with this one, as it’s one of my favorites. I like to sit out in the hall with a bag of chocolate candies and call out a cheery instruction, “Okay, go pick up all the dirty clothes off the floor!” Then one M&M for him. And 2 for me And on to the next instruction. A handful of M&M’s can go a long way in getting a room clean. Frozen blueberries are a nice healthy alternative as well.

Masking Tape Cleaning:  For this, I get out a large roll of masking tape and section off various parts of the room. If multiple children are sharing a room, it helps to clarify who is responsible for which part of the room. Sections can also make it more “manageable” for a young child. Clean this part first, then the next. Breaks it up into bite-sized pieces.

Race Cleaning:  Here I announce enthusiastically that we’re going to have a race. Then I’ll set the timer and see how much he can get done in 5 minutes. Or, race against the clock to see if all four bunk beds can be made up in 15 minutes. That kind of thing. It’s rather fun to have a “prize” at the end – some kind of celebration? I love the Dollar Store.

Something New Cleaning:  A new candle or centerpiece can be enough to inspire me to deep clean my living room, so it makes sense that it would be similar with our children. We don’t do anything fancy, but an occasional trip to the military surplus store (for the boys) or a visit to our favorite second-hand boutique (shabby chic for the girls) can be enough to motivate them to set their room aright.

Color Cleaning:  This one is just plain fun! You call out a color and they have to put away everything that color: blue, red, green, camo, etc.

Mama-Means-Business Cleaning: This is probably the most dreaded approach by the children. This is when I can’t take it any longer and enter with two trashbags: one for donation and the other for trash. I’ll usually give them some warning that this is coming, so they can put away what really matters to them. But if you have too much stuff to put away – you have too much stuff  (More on this in next week’s post: The Big Difference Between Treasure and Stuff).

Mercy Cleaning: And then sometimes I’ll go in and surprise the children by cleaning their rooms for them. I might do this when they’re off on a trip, so they have the pleasure of returning and seeing fresh sheets on their beds, the laundry put away, and floor picked up. Who doesn’t enjoy coming home to a fresh, clean room?

So do we play games every day? Hardly.

Do I ever just say, “Get it done, Son”? Or, “Go to it, Girl”? Yes. Often.

I’ll even occasionally add, “Get it done, or you’ll be talking to your father”. Another “creative” motivator.

But the nice thing about having some fun ways to get the job done? It’s not nearly the wrestling match that it used to be. And I’m not nearly the grumpy mom, I used to be either.

Now if only someone would reward me with M & M’s for every laundry load I got done…?

Hmmm…now there’s a creative idea!

*I hope you’ll share your ideas with us as well? Please do!

In His grace,

P.S. This post was pulled out of the archives, but I thought it fit perfectly into our Real-Life Homemaking series! And special thanks to Darlene Weir of FieldstoneHillDesign for the beautiful image.

*Our books are now available:  100 Ways to Love Your Husband by Lisa Jacobson and 100 Ways to Love Your Wife by Matthew L. Jacobson

If you would like these posts delivered directly to your inbox, simply subscribe below (and get the FREE eBook, The 7 Habits of a Highly Fulfilling Marriage).

The Essential Do’s and Don’ts for Courtship and Dating

But I don’t want to date . . .  I simply want to get married.

That’s what I told our family friend who was concerned that I wasn’t dating at the age of 26.

Oh, not that I’d never dated. It’s just that I found the whole dating scene rather depressing. Disappointing. Discouraging. You get the idea.

My friend found my answer rather perplexing. “How can you get married . . . if you never date?”

I don’t know, but I sure wished there was another way.

As it turned out, a few months later I reluctantly agreed to go on a “blind date” and knew immediately that I’d met the man I would marry. He came to the same conclusion 3 days later.

So that’s as close as I could come to “marrying without dating”.

Then we had our own 8 children and before we knew it – the subject of girls, boys, love, and marriage came up.

And that’s when we discovered the concept of courtship and I thought all our problems were solved.

Except that they weren’t.

So just for the record – while there are many benefits to courtship – it does not answer all the questions.

And yet I’m still not a great fan of dating – especially “recreational” dating (dating without marriage in mind).

So one solution to this dilemma is to avoid the subject altogether and remain single.

Or maybe try an arranged marriage.

But for some reason? Our young people aren’t too enthusiastic about either of these options.

And you might not be either. So if that’s the case?

Here are the Essential Do’s and Don’ts for Courtship and Dating:

DON’T follow a formula. While it’s tempting to try and tuck love into some tidy box, it will never work like that.

     DO rely on the Holy Spirit. Rather than depending on someone else’s “step-by-step”, listen to the Spirit and how He is guiding.

DON’T look to the world. The world wants you to think that your happiness depends on finding the perfect guy – or girl. But this just isn’t true. If you are a believer in Christ, then your joy is found in Him.

     DO look to the Word of God. Read the classic love stories found there, follow the instruction of the New Testament, and don’t forget the wisdom found in the book of Proverbs.

DON’T believe love is magical. Leave this fable at the movie theater. True love can be amazing, but  it really doesn’t “fix” everything.

     DO view love as a mystery. Even the Bible talks about “the way of a man with a maid” as too wonderful to understand (Prov. 30:19). Love and marriage is much more than a checklist.

DON’T be in a rush. Getting involved in a relationship – and deciding who you want to spend the rest of your life with – is a HUGE deal. No need to be in a big, fat hurry (and don’t follow my example here

     DO take the time to assess the other person’s character. Observe them in different contexts – work, home, leisure – and ask others what they see too.

DON’T be prideful. I think this can be one of the biggest pitfalls. So don’t convince yourself that you know it all and understand everything. Walk in humility.

     DO go in willing to learn and grow. No one has it all together, so why not embrace the fact that you’ll probably need to learn a thing or two in the process? Highly recommended.

DON’T sit around and do nothing. Because that’s probably what you’ll get: nothing.

     DO hang out in the right places. Go and get involved where the kind of people you might want to marry are hanging out. At church, ministries, wholesome activities, etc.

DON’T cultivate a relationship apart from community. It’s easier to be blinded by love when there’s no background to reveal his/her true colors. So make sure you’re both involved in some kind of healthy community of friends and family.

     DO seek counsel from the people you respect. Please promise me you’ll ask the opinion of people who love you and you look up to? And that you’ll listen to them? Thank you, I feel better already.

DON’T give – or take – what is not yours. If you’re a Christian, then you are given specific instructions about your body (1Thess. 4:3-5).

     DO walk in the power of purity. Physical attraction is natural and has a beautiful place in God’s design for a man and woman, so commit yourself to waiting for the right time (marriage) and the right person (2 Tim. 2:22).

DON’T give up hope. One of these days I’m going to share our love story because that man of mine? He came out of nowhere. And we’ve been loving each other ever since.

     DO trust in the God who has your future. He holds your heart in His loving Hands.

While I might not be a big fan of dating, I remain a devoted fan of love and marriage.  My husband and I pray most every day for the future spouse of each one of our children. We pray and trust God to watch over him and over her  - both before and after that lovely wedding day.

So here’s to love and marriage!

*So tell me your thoughts? What bits of wisdom would you add to my list here? 

In His grace,

**You might also be interested in this from our oldest daughter:  The Red Flag Dating Guide for Girls and The Big Dating Guide for Guys.

(This post may contain affiliate links. Read my full disclosure.)

*Our books are now available - in both print and digital format:  100 Ways to Love Your Husband by Lisa Jacobson and 100 Ways to Love Your Wife by Matthew L. Jacobson

If you would like these posts delivered directly to your inbox, simply subscribe below (and get the FREE eBook, The 7 Habits of a Highly Fulfilling Marriage).