Lisa Jacobson's Blog, page 59

Six Reasons Why You Might Want to Consider Homeschooling

 

I will never homeschool.

I should have known better than to ever make a big statement like that. It seems like whenever I do, it nearly always comes back to haunt me. You’d think I would have learned my lesson by now.

It’s not that I was against homeschooling, mind you. It’s just that, well, how can I put this…?

I didn’t think I was the homeschooling “type”.  Whatever that means.

But wouldn’t you know it, the Lord kept putting it on my heart and in my path, until I finally gave in. Reluctantly. I guess I’ll try this thing out for a while.

I mean, how hard can it be to homeschool a five-year-old?

In some ways, harder than I thought.  But funner (is that considered a real word yet?) than I expected too.

From there we kept going. One year at a time. One child, then two. Then eight.

Alright, so we didn’t really jump to eight – it only seemed that way at times.

Now our five-year-old is a junior in college. Oh, except he’s not five anymore, he’s 20.  He’s thriving at school, works hard, and, above all, loves the Lord.  And, yes, he was homeschooled.

So for those of you who are like me and wondering – or doubting – if you’re the homeschooling type? Here are some things to consider:

Time.   It does take time, but less than you might think. We “formally” school a few hours in the morning. On the good days. The rest of the time we enjoy working, learning and playing together. I’d say more happens in our “off” hours than our sit-down ones.

Relationship.   This is what “sold” me on homeschooling. The chance to love and disciple our children all day long. Not always easy, but the investment has been invaluable. I’m grateful for all the relationship-building hours we have together.

Discipline.   And, no, I’m not talking about the kids here. I’m talking about my own. Organizing our kids’ education has been a terrific challenge in my life. Making myself do things even when I didn’t feel like it has been good for me. (Yes, that was a confession).

Grace.   So I’ve learned some discipline. And I’ve learned grace. My older children even complain a little about it. They say I was way more uptight with them than I am with the younger ones. Truly? That’s a good sign. That means that grace is gaining ground around here. Like hearing that!

Prayer. Um…you wouldn’t be put off if I told you that homeschooling has had a powerful impact on my prayer life, would you? I’ve had to pray about curriculum, classes, squabbles, and schedules. Prayed for wisdom, mercy, patience (!), and spiritual insight. I’d become a downright Prayer Warrior by the time our eldest was filling out college applications.

Growth. I love watching our kids grow. I love seeing the people they’re becoming and the work God is doing in their lives. I love seeing them grow strong – not just on the outside, but on the inside too.  I also love being able to grow and learn right alongside them.

So it would seem that I might be the homeschooling type after all. Our kids are learning. Their mom is learning – and about way more than just homeschooling.

Like, never say never, for instance.

Because I’ll be homeschooling again this year.

Wondering about homeschooling? Doubting? Go ahead and ask and I’ll do my best to answer!

In His grace,



(This post may contain affiliate links. Read my full disclosure.)

*Our books are now available:  100 Ways to Love Your Husband by Lisa Jacobson and 100 Ways to Love Your Wife by Matthew L. Jacobson

If you would like these posts delivered directly to your inbox, simply subscribe below (and get the FREE eBook, The 7 Habits of a Highly Fulfilling Marriage).

6 Great Ways to Offer Hospitality (even if it’s not exactly your strong point)

Something was certainly on my mind.

So I gave my husband notice that I had an issue to discuss with him.

“Good,” he replied. “Because I have something on my mind too.” And so we agreed to talk later.

I wanted to tell him that I felt we had people over too often. Way too often. And that I found it somewhat exhausting and wasn’t sure why everybody always had to come to our house.

I had hospitality fatigue.

That next evening, after the kids were tucked into bed, we sat down over a bowl of ice-cream. Mint-chip for me. Dulce de leche for him.

We smiled at each other and then I politely invited, “Why don’t you go first. What’s on your mind, my Love?”

So he began, “I don’t thing we have people over to the house often enough.”

True story.

My response – rather naturally – was to do that giggle-sob-hiccup thing that borders on hysteria. Definitely a close call.

When I had sufficiently recovered,  however,  he asked me what had been on my mind.

Make that a Never Mind.

Clearly, we were on different pages when it came to hospitality.

Because my husband is a People & Party guy.

Me, less so.

And just for the record? It’s not because I’m stuck doing all the work because he – and the kids – help a TON when we have people and events in our home.

But it still takes a fair amount of effort and I have to give up my quiet evenings with my family and a good book. It’s at a cost for me.

Yet over time  we’ve made some changes in our approach to hospitality that have helped make it more of an enjoyable experience for both of us.

Here are 6 great ways I’ve found to offer hospitality  (without too much grumbling):

1.     Everybody helps out.  As much as possible, I spread the necessary tasks around to my husband and children. Maybe Matthew isn’t here to “set the table”, but he’s always great about picking up last minute groceries or other forgotten items. When my kids were really little, I would accept help from dear friends (and you know who you are!). Gifts of love.

2.     Planning ahead.  This alone can remove much of the stress. I was amazed at what a difference it made if I sat down with a menu plan and the order of events and what needed to happen…and when.

3.      But spontaneous can be fun too.  We’ve had some of our best – and most memorable – times when we impulsively invited people over.  (Spontaneity is my husband’s strength.) In those cases, we might whip up a big pot of spaghetti or maybe just bowls and bowls of freshly popped popcorn.

4.     Allow your guests to contribute.   I am unabashed to let my guests know what they can bring to help out. Maybe I won’t if they’re first-timers? But after that, I’m grateful for anything my guests can do to pitch in – from a side-dish to a centerpiece to their favorite board game to help with entertainment.

5.      Forget trying to impress.  This one was the hardest thing for me to let go (how’s that for honesty?). I want people to think well of us. To think well of me. Sigh. But you know what I’ve noticed? People always seem to remember the fellowship – and not the food or how well I’ve dusted (thankfully).

6.      So make it simple.  While we enjoy having other families over for dinner or grand parties, sometimes it’s just too much and so we’ll invite them for dessert. Or at other times we’ll ask them over for a basic supper – maybe a BBQ or a pot of soup – and I’ve never had anyone complain yet.

Show hospitality to one another without grumbling. ~ I Peter 4:9

So if offering hospitality is a stretch for you? Like it is for me?

Then I hope this encourages you to reach out and bless your friends or family or strangers by inviting them over. Even if it’s only for a cup of coffee or a glass of iced tea. Or a bowl of popcorn.

And don’t be too surprised if you’re  blessed by it as well.

*I’d love to hear those things that have helped you enjoy practicing hospitality as well? Any tricks or tips to offer?

In His grace,

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Terrific Tips to Prepare for Those Exciting – and Challenging – Teen Years

Five teenagers.

All at the same time. And, yes, they’re all ours. With no sets of twins.

It’s probably a good thing I didn’t figure this out when they were younger. I guess I was too busy in those early years to do the math.  If I had, I think I might have panicked.

No, I take that back, I definitely would have panicked.

I’d heard quite a bit about how challenging teenagers could be. In fact, I’d even been one myself. And I don’t think I would have much looked forward to having a handful of my own. Not five at one time.

But you want to know something? I LOVE having teens in our home. I never would have guessed it would be such a blessing to have them around (not always easy, but certainly a blessing).

So what would I say goes into preparing for some terrific teenage years?

5 Tips To Prepare for Those Exciting  - and Challenging – Teen Years:

Teach your children to enjoy serving others. Don’t just teach them to serve – help them get to the place where they enjoy it. The more a young person is looking after the interests of others, the less room there is for self-focus and other potential pitfalls of those teen years.

Make sure you are respected. Because you’re their parent and because God says to. While I’d never thump my kids with it, I’d gently – and firmly – remind them that I’m to be respected. Always. Not because I’m perfect, but because I’m the parent God gave them.

Communicate openly on just about everything. While it might start out with talking about frogs and fears and hurt feelings, those discussions have grown over time into deep and pivotal conversations. Our long and loving talks have become invaluable as we’re working through the challenges of becoming an adult.

Lighten up on the rules and lay down strong principles. Increasingly over the years, we lessened the “rules” and impressed upon our young people the principles behind what we believe in. We’ve pointed them to Scripture so that they could see – and believe – for themselves.

Pursue their hearts closely. Even at a young age, seek to understand what they’re thinking and how they’re feeling. Yes, it can be quite time-consuming, but that big investment more than pays off when they’re growing through their teen years. Those close heart-ties can help carry you through the hard times.

So why not start preparing now? It’s not like children suddenly become teenagers – even though that’s how it can feel – and there’s so much a parent can do to pave the way to some wonderful teen years.

I know. Because I’m sure enjoying them.

A whole handful of them.

So how are you preparing for the teens years? Your tips? Your concerns?

In His grace,



*Our books are now available - in both print and digital format:  100 Ways to Love Your Husband by Lisa Jacobson and 100 Ways to Love to Your Wife by Matthew L. Jacobson

If you would like these posts delivered directly to your inbox, simply subscribe below (and get the FREE eBook, The 7 Habits of a Highly Fulfilling Marriage).

Summer Marriage Splash Series

So do you have a favorite season?

Mine is summer. Hands down.

I love the sunshine.

I love the lighter schedule.

And I love reading on our front porch swing with a glass of iced tea.

Would you believe I already have a stack of books waiting impatiently for me and for summer to begin?

How about you? What do you enjoy about summer? And what books will you be reading?

I have some recommendations, if you’re looking for any. I have read each of these books below and each one has blessed me and encouraged my marriage in a different way.

And with that in mind,  recently the authors and I got together and decided we should celebrate summer by putting on a fun Summer Marriage Splash!

Five days. Five bloggers. Five books.

Yes, every day this week, we’re going to be sharing something encouraging and inspiring for your marriage. How’s that for a terrific way to kick off the summer?

Here’s how it’s going to work. Today is my day (as you see) and then here is the schedule for the rest of the gals.

Monday:          Lisa of Club31Women
Tuesday:         Darlene of Time-Warp Wife
Wednesday:   Courtney of WomenLivingWell
Thursday:      Jennifer of Unveiled Wife
Friday:            Ashleigh of AshleighSlater

I hope you’ll get the chance to visit each every one of them and benefit from their wisdom and insight. You’ll be very glad you did!

So grab an iced tea (if you like)  and then hop on over to my post here and then on over to each of the others as the week unfolds. I’ll look forward to seeing you over there . . .

With many blessings on you, your marriage, and the warm summer months to come!

In His grace,

(This post may contain affiliate links. Read my full disclosure.)

Summer Marriage Splash Book Recommendations:

The Virtuous Life of a Christ-Centered Wife: 18 Powerful Lessons for Personal Growth by Darlene Schacht

“Powerful, is right. This is such an encouraging and challenging book for any wife to pick up – whether she’s newly married or been married for many years.” ~ Amazon review

Time-WarpWife: Keeping Christ at the Center of Marriage

Women Living Well: Find Your Joy in God, Your Man, Your Kids, and Your Home by Courtney Joseph

“I came away from the book with practical tips to loving my family better, making my home a haven and strengthening my relationship with Christ.” ~ Amazon review

WomenLivingWell: Finding Joy in God, Your Man, Your Kids and Your Home

Wife After God: Drawing Closer to God & Your Husband

by Jennifer Smith

“Whether you are going through a rough patch in your marriage (like we all do!) or your marriage is doing wonderfully, there is something in here to encourage, challenge you and help you improve your marriage and your walk with The Lord.” ~ Amazon review

Unveiled Wife: Encouraging Wives Daily

 Team Us: Marriage Together

by Ashleigh Slater

“Team Us is a lighthearted, encouraging read with a poignant message: marriage is one of the greatest adventures God gives us in this life. Make the most of it!” ~ Amazon review

AshleighSlater: Encouraging Couples to do Marriage Together

100 Ways to Love Your Husband by Lisa Jacobson

“This is a “must have” little book for every married woman or yet to be married woman! It comprises 100 practical little thoughts, well laid out and each one profound and challenging in its own way.” ~ Amazon review

Club31Women: Sharing a Passion for Husband, Home and Family

 

If you would like these posts delivered directly to your inbox, simply subscribe below (and get the FREE eBook, The 7 Habits of a Highly Fulfilling Marriage).

The First 5 Steps Toward a Loving Marriage: A Summer Marriage Splash

How do you create a loving marriage?

That’s what she asked and that’s the question that stopped me right in my tracks.

It was late afternoon and we had just returned from running errands, so I was scurrying about putting groceries away while trying to figure out what we should have for dinner.

Our daughter had been chattering away at me and I had been listening. Or somewhat listening. But mostly I was concerned how I was going to make room in the freezer for all the ground beef we’d picked up in town.

But when she threw that question at me? Well, that put a halt to everything.

Suddenly dinner – or freezer space – didn’t seem all that important.

I think it was that she used the word create that got my attention. Seemed so insightful for a teenage girl to pick such a word. Not “have” or “get” or even “find” – but CREATE. Such a big, powerful word when you think about it.

So I closed the freezer and we sat down at the kitchen table and dove into a good, long talk.

I closed my eyes and mulled her question over in my mind.

Then I mentioned one thing. Then another. And then finally laughed, “Oh, it’s that and about a hundred other things!”

And that was how the book, 100 Ways to Love Your Husband, really started.

So here’s the beginning answer to that big question, How Do You Create a Loving Marriage?

#1
Always choose love.

Above all things. I Corinthians 13

#2
Greet him with a loving smile.

Who wouldn’t love coming home to that every night? Even if you are tired too. Or have something else on your mind. Put that aside for just a while to make his day wonderful with your warm, loving smile. There are not many smiles out in the world these days, so let yours be one of the few and the best in his life.

#3
Let the little things go.

Don’t hang on to small annoyances. So many marriages have slowly deteriorated over the smallest, silliest things. He doesn’t take out the trash? He snores at night? He’s terrible about leaving the laundry on the floor? It’s not all that big of a deal. Just put it behind you and get on with loving him instead.

#4
Work through the big things.

Take the time to talk those through. Yes, it might mean some hard work and long hours, but it will be worth it. Don’t let the things that really matter go. It’s worth the effort to address it and deal with it. Otherwise, you’re left with a shallow and/or a hurting relationship. No way. Go deep.

#5
Don’t try to change him.

He’s a good man just as he is. He might have room to grow – but then again, so do you. Leave that work to the Holy Spirit. He (the Spirit) is always so much more effective than we’ll ever be. So don’t make it your job to transform him, but to simply love him.

And so goes the list of 100 Ways to Love Your Husband. Simple steps really. But things I wish I’d have known and understood when I started my married life with him. I think it would have helped – helped a lot, actually. Which is why I wrote them down for you, or maybe for someone you know.

So if you’re looking for some fresh ideas or new encouragement in your marriage? I invite you to come along on this journey with me. Or if someone you know is soon to be married , she might  benefit from this “little handbook” on marriage as well (plus there’s the companion book to go with it, 100 Ways to Love Your Wife, written by my husband).

My hope and prayer is that people all over would come to enjoy loving marriages that are lasting and that honor God.

And that’s my prayer for you too.

100 Ways to Love Your Husband: A Life-Long Journey of Learning To Love  is currently available in both print and digital format. You can get the book here.

*This post is the first of the Summer Marriage Splash series going on all this week. Please be sure and check out Darlene’s post tomorrow (Tuesday) on Time-Warp Wife! Also, you can see who’s coming up by peaking at the authors of the books below. 

In His grace,

(This post may contain affiliate links. Read my full disclosure.)

Summer Marriage Splash Book Recommendations:

The Virtuous Life of a Christ-Centered Wife: 18 Powerful Lessons for Personal Growth by Darlene Schacht

“Powerful, is right. This is such an encouraging and challenging book for any wife to pick up – whether she’s newly married or been married for many years.” ~ Amazon review

Time-WarpWife: Keeping Christ at the Center of Marriage

Women Living Well: Find Your Joy in God, Your Man, Your Kids, and Your Home by Courtney Joseph

“I came away from the book with practical tips to loving my family better, making my home a haven and strengthening my relationship with Christ.” ~ Amazon review

WomenLivingWell: Finding Joy in God, Your Man, Your Kids and Your Home

Wife After God: Drawing Closer to God & Your Husband

by Jennifer Smith

“Whether you are going through a rough patch in your marriage (like we all do!) or your marriage is doing wonderfully, there is something in here to encourage, challenge you and help you improve your marriage and your walk with The Lord.” ~ Amazon review

Unveiled Wife: Encouraging Wives Daily

 Team Us: Marriage Together

by Ashleigh Slater

“Team Us is a lighthearted, encouraging read with a poignant message: marriage is one of the greatest adventures God gives us in this life. Make the most of it!” ~ Amazon review

AshleighSlater: Encouraging Couples to do Marriage Together

100 Ways to Love Your Husband by Lisa Jacobson

“This is a “must have” little book for every married woman or yet to be married woman! It comprises 100 practical little thoughts, well laid out and each one profound and challenging in its own way.” ~ Amazon review

Club31Women: Sharing a Passion for Husband, Home and Family

 

If you would like these posts delivered directly to your inbox, simply subscribe below (and get the FREE eBook, The 7 Habits of a Highly Fulfilling Marriage).

A Book Review – Team US: Marriage Together

(This post may contain affiliate links. Read my full disclosure.)

“Our singles pastor says I should just marry you.”

The man across the table informed me before taking yet another nervous bite of his cucumber salad.

The man across the table . . . That was Ted.

This was our first lunch together.

Ted and I had hung out before. Sure, lots of times. Always with a group of friends, though. Never just the two of us. This was something new.

I’d met the crazy-haired, piano-playing, website-designing man my first semester of grad school.

I wish I could say it was love at first sight, but it wasn’t.

I was so consumed with my twelve credit hours and my full-time job that I honestly don’t remember our first introduction. Had I known I’d go on to marry him, I’d have paid closer attention.

. . . Ted remembers his words that day with an I-can’t-believe-I-said-that kind of laugh and comments, “Add that to the list of things not to say on a first kinda-date.”

Little did either of us know that a proposal wasn’t far off though. Within that calendar year, Ted would do more than just tell me [the pastor’s] views on our blooming relationship. He’d propose. And I’d accept with what Ted still claims was a “Yes, of course!”

That December, I’d go on to win the prize for the happiest bride . . . .

~ This post has been excerpted from Team Us by Ashleigh Slater. Used with permission from Moody Publishers © 2014.

A Club31Women Book Review
Team Us: Marriage Together

A friend of mine recently asked me about my enthusiasm for this newly-released book, Team US: Marriage Together. She was a bit surprised – knowing I am an avid reader and how many books on marriage are out there.

So what’s different about this one? What makes it stand out in your mind?

Good question. And this would be my answer.

1.      Personal.  Rather than a clinical look at marriage, this is a personal look at a real marriage – not only Ted and Ashleigh’s marriage, but others’ as well.

2.      Realistic.  With that in mind, Ashleigh uses real-life examples of ”the good, the bad, and the ugly” in marriage. These are not merely hypothetical situations either, but how it can genuinely look in a relationship. The honesty here is very refreshing.

3.      For both spouses.  I appreciated the way Ted chimes in with his thoughts and perspective. Very effective and helpful to hear from both husband and wife.

4.      Humor.  While the author takes a serious look at marriage, her sense of humor – and her husband’s – made me laugh right aloud a number of times throughout the book. (Okay, so I teared-up a couple of times too, but I can’t tell you about that without a *spoiler alert).

To sum up,  I’ll close with the “official” endorsement written by my husband and me:

Like a conversation with a true friend, this book is open, real, and honest. Ashleigh invites you inside her heart and home to humbly share wisdom gained from experiences she and her husband walked through. Here you’ll find solid teaching that is gentle, yet poignant, with a touch of humor, showing how to trust, to love freely, to keep no record of wrongs…and the many other ways of living that make for a rich, fulfilling marriage. We highly recommend this book for couples of any age. ~ Matthew and Lisa Jacobson

Team US: Marriage Together

by Ashleigh Slater

176 pp, Moody Publishers; (June 1, 2014).

Team US: Marriage Together is a relatively short, highly-readable book consisting of 10 chapters with titles such as, Conflict 101 and Finishing Well. At the end of each chapter is a small section, called Us Time, with questions to consider and discuss with your spouse (if possible). Forward by Gary Chapman, author of The 5 Love Languages. Endorsed by Kirk Cameron and Gary Thomas. Highly recommended.

You can get a copy of your book here –  Team Us: Marriage Together

The Slater family goofing around at DisneyWorld.

 Ted and Ashleigh (the author) Slater

Club31Women Book Reviews will be a regular feature (once or twice-monthly) offered to the community here. I know that there are many books out there  - boy! do I know –  and my desire is to present the ones that, in my opinion,  are stand-outs and worthy of your consideration and time.

I hope you’ve found this review helpful and encouraging.

In His grace,

*Our books are now available - in both print and digital format:  100 Ways to Love Your Husband by Lisa Jacobson and 100 Ways to Love to Your Wife by Matthew L. Jacobson

If you would like these posts delivered directly to your inbox, simply subscribe below (and get the FREE eBook, The 7 Habits of a Highly Fulfilling Marriage).

FREE Printable: 25 Tips I Want to Share with Younger Wives

*Last April I shared with you this . . . 

She asked if we could meet for coffee. Clearly, something was on her mind.

She’s a wonderful young lady and full of the hopes and dreams that come with youth. She wants a beautiful marriage. Yet she’d also been around long enough to know that a strong, loving marriage isn’t a guarantee.

So we sat down in a quiet cafe and she asked me outright. What does it take to build a lovely marriage? What advice could I give? What would keep the two of them loving each other in the years to come?

And I thought about the things I wish I would have known from the beginning – those things that really matter at the end of the day. Some are big and some are small, but they all add up over the years to a strong, loving marriage.

Here’s what I want to share with her and any others  looking for that kind of love . . . .

and now this printable is available for those of you who have asked. 

Simply click the link below to download the free printable:

25 Tips I Want to Share with Younger Wives Free Printable

Blessings on your marriage and the loving years to come!

In His grace,

*Our books are now available - in both print and digital format:  100 Ways to Love Your Husband by Lisa Jacobson and 100 Ways to Love to Your Wife by Matthew L. Jacobson

If you would like these posts delivered directly to your inbox, simply subscribe below (and get the FREE eBook, The 7 Habits of a Highly Fulfilling Marriage).

5 Ways to Live Neatly Around the Mess of Children

It took me a while to get up my nerve to ask her.

She seemed to have so much together, this amazing friend of mine.

She was one of those – you know, lovely, talented, a fabulous cook, and her house always appeared immaculate. At least as far as I could tell.

So one day, I simply up and asked her: “How do you do it? How do you keep your home so pristine? And with two young children . . . ?”

And she started to laugh.

Honey (she was a southern girl, through and through), I just put on my yellow gloves and go to it.

I had a hard time picturing this classy lady in yellow rubber gloves, but she assured me that if I ever dropped by unannounced, that was how I’d probably find her.

Then she said something else – something that has stuck with me ever since. Something that her mom apparently always told her too.

Life is messy, so clean it up.

Simple, huh? I know. That’s what I thought too. But it somehow made sense.

You see, we’ve got a whole lot of life going on in our home. So, naturally, we have a whole lot of mess.

And, rather than complain or despair over the situation, we can accept that this is what comes with the package and do our best to live neatly in the middle of it all.

So with that, here are 5 ways to help live neatly around the mess:

1.   Pick your priorities. Honestly? Don’t even try to get it all done. Pick and choose those things that are important to you and/or important to your husband. For instance, I’ve appointed my kitchen, the living room floor, and our master bedroom. If nothing else, I try to keep these 3 areas tidy and clean.

2.   Set aside a room. If at all possible, I try to have a “little oasis” set off that I can retreat to when I need that peace of mind. In the past, it’s been a corner in our living room and right now it’s a small front room that we call the “parlor”. This is my no-toy zone and the kids aren’t even allowed to eat in there. I protect it with my life. So even if all else is a wild zoo, I have my little spot of civilization.

3.   Embrace the process. Rather than getting discouraged or defeated, realize that this is what comes with having children. It doesn’t make them annoying (well, not too annoying anyway) and it doesn’t make you a failure. It’s just part of the deal. Life is messy. . . . So clean it up!

4.   Train for the future. I am a big fan of training the kids to take over my job someday. While it might seem a hassle on the front end – it is a worthy investment to teach your kids how to pick up after themselves and take care of basic household chores. I am so glad I did, now that I have a handful of teenagers in our home. That crew can do most anything! (Hang in there, young mom, your day is coming too).

5.   Choose relationship above all. Would you rather have a clean house . . . or a close relationship with your child? Easy call, isn’t it!

Never choose house over hearts.

So if you’re having one of those days – or even an entire season – where your house is in shambles, don’t get too down about it. Why not slip on your yellow rubber gloves and just go to it!

. . . Unless you’re rocking a baby or reading a story aloud.

Then all that other stuff? It can wait.

It’s called life and that is always beautiful.

 

In His grace,

*Our books are now available - in both print and digital format:  100 Ways to Love Your Husband by Lisa Jacobson and 100 Ways to Love to Your Wife by Matthew L. Jacobson

If you would like these posts delivered directly to your inbox, simply subscribe below (and get the FREE eBook, The 7 Habits of a Highly Fulfilling Marriage).

Practicing the Art of Kindness in Your Marriage

So I had this really hard day.

Or, to be more accurate, I had a really hard week.

And I was close to tears by late afternoon.

He asked me what was wrong and I’m sorry to say that I snapped at him.

Was it not obvious? Hello…? You’d only have to take one look at all the pressures I’d been under the last five days.

He stared at me and I felt a bit of guilt for the hurt I saw there. Taking it out on him. Undeserved.

But not feeling guilty enough to apologize. I was too wrapped up in my own struggles.

I figured it was about to get ugly and, frankly, I had asked for it with my snotty attitude.

Then I saw his countenance visibly change – from offended to compassioniate.

He didn’t exactly understand where I was coming from – but then again, he didn’t need to. What mattered was that I was in a bad place.

His eyes softened.

He reached out with a gentle touch.

Asked if I’d like run into town with him. A mini-car date.

He also announced to the kids that Mommy was turning in early that night.

And then later ran a hot bubble bath for me.

So, yes, I did end up crying that evening, but these were very different tears. They were the tears that come when someone shows kindness to you that you didn’t necessarily deserve.

My husband is the hero in this story. But you know what? I learned something afresh. I was reminded of the power of practicing the art of kindness in a relationship.

The Art of Kindness

A loving look. Sometimes you don’t need to say anything at all. Just look at your spouse with loving eyes and communicate that you care and you’ll always be there.

A soft voice. It’s possible to completely turn around a situation by returning harsh or unjust words with a sweet response. A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger (Prov. 15:1).

An encouraging word. Often our meanest moments come from our own discouragement or feeling of defeat. Those are the times when we could most use a friend (or wife!) to cheer us up with kind, uplifting words.

A gentle touch. Reaching for his hand, rubbing his knotted shoulders, a loving kiss – these small gestures can have a powerful effect on the one we love.

A thoughtful act. Going beyond the ordinary to do something special or meaningful to the other person when they are down, or “in a bad place”.

Like any art, kindness must be practiced repeatedly and untiringly in order to really master it.

And, like any art, it is not up to us to judge another person’s talent, but far better if we simply focused on developing our own.

So, I don’t know about you, but I’ve recently renewed my commitment to practice the art of kindness in my marriage.

Even in those times when he doesn’t necessarily deserve it.

Maybe even especially in those times.

*What kinds of things do you like to do to express kindness in your marriage? Please share! I’d love to get some ideas from you.

In His grace,



*Our books are now available - in both print and digital format:  100 Ways to Love Your Husband by Lisa Jacobson and 100 Ways to Love to Your Wife by Matthew L. Jacobson

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A Free eBook Offer: 10 Things You Won’t Find in a Godly Marriage

Because sometimes it’s good when certain things go missing from our marriages . . .

~ Matthew L Jacobson

A Sharp Tongue

Have you ever given into the desire to make it sting?

It can be easy to cut with words when things don’t go our way.

Even one time is too often but, how often do we cut ourselves slack in cutting with our tongues?

“But, you made me so angry,”

“What you said made me respond that way,”

“I would never talk like that if you weren’t so . . .”

Most of us are pretty creative when it comes to justifying our sin. That’s exactly what exercising a sharp tongue is: sin.

“Sharp Tongues” can come in two varieties.

First, there are the words themselves that are biting or cutting. “You’re such a . . . Why don’t you just . . . You make me . . . You’re so . . . You . . .”

Then there is the way we say it – our tone and countenance – the vibe we choose to communicate. Our tone and body language can be just as razor-edged as our words. With a change of tone and a roll of the eyes, a simple comment can become a cutting put-down. “Thank you” under those conditions doesn’t need interpretation. Instead of expressing appreciation, it suddenly means, “You’re such a jerk. Why don’t you shut up?”

I have a question for you. There can be exceptions, but when was the last time you regretted what you didn’t say?

Everyone remembers the time (many times!) we said something we regretted but, rarely have I regretted restraining myself during the urge to “just say it” in an intense moment.

The Bible has a lot to say about the words we use.

How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire! And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and is set on fire by hell . . . no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing . . . a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.

~ from James, Chapter 3

As the Scriptures state, it’s normal for our flesh to embrace the impulse to use sharp, cutting words on each other. What could be more natural? But a godly couple doesn’t give in to this ungodly impulse because they’ve subdued their natural tendency and obey the direct instruction of Scripture.

A soft answer turns away wrath. ~ Proverbs 15:1.

This is a small but powerful verse. Even in the midst of rising temperatures, responding with softness of spirit and with soft words often derails the flesh’s tendency to sin.

Pleasant words are as honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones. ~ Proverbs 16:24

There is no place for a sharp tongue in any relationship and that’s why you won’t find one in a Christ-honoring marriage.

*To celebrate my husband Matthew’s newly re-designed website (check it out – isn’t it spiffy?), he is offering this free ebook, 10 Things You Won’t Find in a Godly Marriage, to his subscribers. This post in an excerpt from that book. You can find him here: MatthewLJacobson.com

Matthew L Jacobson is an author, president of Loyal Arts Literary Agency, and teaching elder in the local church. He’s married to Lisa, and together they’re bringing up their 8 children on a small acreage in the Pacific NW. When they’re not gardening or reading, you’ll find them holding hands, sipping Peet’s coffee, or deep into conversation with some – or all – of their children.

*Our latest books are now available - in both print and digital format:  100 Ways to Love Your Husband by Lisa Jacobson and 100 Ways to Love to Your Wife by Matthew L. Jacobson