Lisa Jacobson's Blog, page 53

Keeping the Lines of Communication Open {& Why It’s So Vital in Marriage}

“ Something’s wrong,”   my husband said.

How does he do that, I wondered.

My husband can take one look at me or catch a certain tone in my voice and he knows something is troubling me.

After 14 years of marriage, we communicate very well — without words.

“Yes,” I answered with a smile. “There is something wrong, but I don’t want to bring you into it.”

“What? Why not?” He asked with complete surprise.

I struggled to find the right words to express to him that sometimes I’m not sure if telling my troubles to my husband is the best thing — even those personal struggles with feeling pretty or good enough for him.

But, I knew he was right.

There really wasn’t any reason to keep things from my husband. We are one flesh, aren’t we? We are traveling this road called together, aren’t we?

After a few moments of silence, I let him in on my troubles; troubles, that to some, seem small and insignificant, but to my husband, they weren’t.

Why? Because they were my troubles and he wanted to work through them with me.

My husband and I have faced some rocky roads together. Sometimes it was his personal trials, sometimes it was mine. There were other times when our entire family was suffering and we needed to communicate with each other.

We need to bear each other’s burdens. In fact, God commands it.

Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ. Galations 6:2

Enjoying A Deep, Strong Marriage

Keeping the lines of communication open, honest, and yet loving has helped my husband and I enjoy a deep, strong marriage. It’s not just infatuation or puppy love. but, it’s a marriage based on God’s word and communication.

In fact, communicating and working through our difficulties together has made us a stronger team.

Many times I see a pattern in our marriage. Typically, when I am down, he is up, and when he is down, I am up. There always seemed to be at least one of us that can offer some encouragement and comfort. I am so glad I do not have to travel this journey alone for now. I have a husband, that when I communicate my innermost sorrows, he is there to lift me up.

Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up. Ecc.4:9-10

Though communication is vital in a marriage, there are times when silence is best — particularly when our tongue desires to criticize or tear down our husbands.

Yes, it’s best not to communicate in those times, but rather pray.

Our tongues will only worsen the situation. When our hearts are full of love and kindness, then we can seek to encourage our husbands.

In recent days, I have had a lot of drama and emotional situations come my way. I have been so thankful that I had a caring person to listen, arms to hold and comfort me and a spiritual leader to direct my footsteps.

Do you ever have those days where it seems a small part of your world gets turned upside down?

Don’t hide those situations from your husband. Let him in to your world. Let him have those hidden pieces of your heart.

As I look back over the past 14 years of my marriage, I am so thankful that I have kept the lines of communication open with my husband. Instead of telling a girlfriend or my mom, there were many times when I only told two people — God and my husband.

If the lines of communication in your marriage are down, try opening them back up by letting your husband be “in the know” with struggles, victories and issues that are present in your life.

Keeping them from him will only push him away.

You may be surprised at the relief, support and close-knit relationship you’ll enjoy from communicating!

Alison Wood is a mom of six kiddos, wife to one amazing husband, church-planting missionary in Southeast Asia and a parenting writer for online magazines. She encourages wives and moms at Pint-sized Treasures. Follow her there!

Alison is also the author of the very encouraging 25 Days to a Happier Home - a 25-day challenge that will help you create a happy home for your family.

*If you would like these posts delivered directly to your inbox, simply subscribe below (and get the FREE eBook, The 7 Habits of a Highly Fulfilling Marriage).

The post Keeping the Lines of Communication Open {& Why It’s So Vital in Marriage} appeared first on Club 31 Women.

What Happens When Mr. Right Walks into the Room {An Uncommon Love: Chapt. 3}

 *This is Chapter 3 of An Uncommon Love – our true-life love story. You can also catch up by reading Chapter One: If He was the Last Man on Earth and Chapter Two: Where Is She? {Searching For My Forever Girl}. 

I knew it as soon as he entered the room.

He walked through the doorway with his confident stride. Wearing a thick, manly sweater, black Levi’s, and western boots.  Tall, dark, and handsome, just like she said.

With those unforgettable blue eyes.

It’s possible I fell in love at that very moment. At that very first dinner party.

No, surely not?

I mean, no one really falls in love with a pair of boots . . . do they?

No, of course, they don’t.

So maybe it was his smile.  Or his honest expression.

Or it might very well have been those beautiful blue eyes.

But mostly . . . mostly it was his soul. Somehow his soul came clear through. Shone a bright light right across the room and then settled deep into my own.

And in that moment I knew.

There is the man I am going to marry.

Just like that. Simple, straightforward, and as distinct as if a Voice had spoken.

There he is. Your future husband. Right there.

All of this happened in an instant. This sense that the rest of my life was standing tall before me. I felt surprisingly calm considering the implications.

My one thought?  Wow. I can’t wait to get to know him. This man I’m going to marry.

Wait A Second Here . . .

Wait a second . . . I thought Lisa said something about, “If he was the last man on earth, she wouldn’t date him .” Now she’s ready to marry him? ?

And you’re right.  I did say that. And  I meant it too.

But a lot had happened in the 8 months since that disastrous first meeting and the horrendous lunch that followed.

You see, God had been working in me.

Over time, He had been slowly softening my heart and showing my need to listen to Him. Because up until then, I had been the one calling the shots in my love life. Telling Him what I did – and did not – want in a man.  I was determined to stay in control.

I wanted to be in charge.

Yet my Heavenly Father had been gently pressing on me that I needed to learn to trust Him with my heart. That He could and would take care of me . . . if I would only let Him.

So, yes, a lot happened over those 8 months.

Which is why I could make that shocking announcement on New Year’s Eve.

A Surprising New Year’s Resolution

The table fell silent for a minute or two.

All my friends became quiet, not sure if they should laugh,  sympathize, or . . . what.

It was New Year’s Eve and we were all lightheartedly sharing our resolutions. Some were semi-serious and others were less so. We went around the table and each of us had something that we’d hoped to aspire to in the coming year.

Then came my turn …

I’m going to get married this year, I announced as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

And while there’s certainly nothing unnatural about a 26 year old girl getting married, there was this slight problem.

I wasn’t dating anyone and hadn’t for several years.

Not only was I not dating, I wasn’t even acquainted with any eligible guys.

And then my friends couldn’t contain themselves any longer and burst into laughter. They considered my statement as something of a big joke.

I considered it something of a big step of faith.

Give the Guy A (Second) Chance

Which brings us to March 13, 1992 and the evening of the dinner party.

A few weeks previous to the party, my friend Linda had called me and once again asked if I’d be coming up to Portland anytime soon. Her boss really did want to meet me, she assured me, and this time it was his idea.

I didn’t realize it at the time, but she had been busy praying for the two of us, truly believing that we were meant for each other.

And wouldn’t you know it? One day, that boss of hers (you know, the proud, arrogant one?) walked by her desk and mentioned in passing, “You remember that friend of yours? The girl down in California? Well, I really would be interested in taking her out, if she was ever up this way again.” And kept walking.

I believe my phone was ringing about three minutes later.

And as it turned out, I was coming up to Portland in a couple of weeks.

You know . . . to be a bridesmaid.

For the 13th time.

Yes, I’m serious. Sigh.

So I figured if I didn’t want to be a bridesmaid for the rest of my life, I’d better start opening up to the possibilities that came my way.

And this guy was definitely A Possibility.

Because in spite of the bad impression he had first made on me, he had a very good reputation everywhere else.  He was known to be a sincere and godly man, kind and considerate, along with a fun sense of humor. Not a bad combination, as far as I was concerned.

Maybe I should give him a second chance . . .

The Dinner Party That Changed Everything

The dinner party was a dream.

Mr. Blue Eyes walked straight over to me and began a conversation that might have gone on forever.

Except that our hostess called us to dinner abruptly reminding us that there were other people in the world. Or at least other people in the room.

So I had to settle for staring at him from across the table.

Because by then I was in love.

I was looking at the man I was going to marry. He was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with—talking, laughing, and loving together.

My happily-ever-after.

My very own Mr. Right.

At the end of the evening, we stood out in the driveway and talked some more before we each went our separate ways. He threw something out, like maybe we should get together again before I went back down to L.A.? And that was about it.

So I was left to wait.

Waited and waited through the longest week-end of my life.

I was to be in Portland for only 8 days. Eight. Now 3 were down and we had only five left.

So what was taking him so long to  call me ??

To be continued . . . .

Matthew will be taking it from here next Wednesday!

*Just for fun, what are some of the neat qualities that first attracted you to your husband? Please share!

In His grace,

*Chapter One: If He Was the Last Man On Earth

*Chapter Two: Where Is She? Searching for My Forever Girl

*If you would like these posts delivered directly to your inbox, simply subscribe below (and get the FREE eBook, The 7 Habits of a Highly Fulfilling Marriage).

The post What Happens When Mr. Right Walks into the Room {An Uncommon Love: Chapt. 3} appeared first on Club 31 Women.

How I Found Purpose in My Young Marriage

*My husband and I were a little older when we got married (read our Uncommon Love story). So Jami of YoungWifesGuide is sharing her beautiful perspective as a younger bride. ~ Lisa 

I wasn’t looking for Mr. Right.

I wasn’t hoping for a ring by spring. I wasn’t day dreaming about my big day or pinning wedding dresses on Pinterest. Marriage wasn’t even on my radar.

In fact, I thought anyone who got married before college graduation was probably making a mistake. It was too young. I thought you needed to live your life a bit more. Get established in your career first.

Find out who you are for crying out loud.

And then I met him.

At the ripe old age of 16, I first laid eyes on my husband near the checkout stands at a grocery store. Nine months later we started dating and a little over 2 years after that we tied the knot. I was 19 and he was 21.

In the space of just a few short years, my perspective and world view on life and marriage completed shifted. Instead of focusing on getting an internship or applying to graduate school, I was focusing on how to juggle all the responsibilities of my home.

I was learning how to be a godly wife, homemaker, and future mother without any training.

My Perspective Began to Change

It wasn’t just falling in love with my husband that changed my viewpoint on marriage. Now that we’ve been married five years I can tell you that not everyday is a fairy tale. There have been times as a young wife that we failed at communication, times when we’ve each felt lonely. Then add the stress of having twins, and our marriage hasn’t been perfect and doesn’t fulfill our every need.

But the beautiful thing is, throughout all of this: being married in college, having babies young, not having two pennies to rub together…is that God’s true design for marriage has been able to shine throughout it all.

When people are shocked that I was married at 19 and had two babies at 22 and ask what we were thinking to not “live our life first.” I’m able to happily share with them, that while not everyday is perfect and our marriage is far from a romance movie, God certainly knew what he was doing when he designed marriage.

“Now, more than ever before, is the time for Christians to declare and put on display what the Bible declares: God’s standard for marriage and the family is the only standard that can produce meaning, happiness, and fulfillment”. – John MacArthur, Marriage as it was Meant to Be

I am so thankful today for blogs such as this one that address Biblical marriage. Solid, Biblical blogs that tackle the hard issues in our marriages such as communication, affairs, finances, and more. We need to always be saturating our mind with Scripture so that on those hard days, we can remember that marriage was created by God and is given as a gift to us.

“Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything”. (vv. 22-24).

Finding Joy & Purpose in Your Marriage

And so, whether you were married at 19 or 39, whether you’ve been married 6 months or 60 years, whether you have 0 kids or 8…remember the divine design for marriage.

Remember that marriage is the ultimate picture of Christ and the church.

Marriage is our witness field to a hurting world filled with divorce, broken families, and pain.

Marriage can be a picture that unconditional love exists and can be ultimately found in the Savior.

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’. This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church”. – Ephesians 5:32

Here I am now at the ripe old age of 24. I’ve been married for just over 5 years, we have two amazing little toddler boys, we’ve had our ups and our downs, and more negativity towards our young marriage than I could have thought possible.

You might be a young couple who has heard some of these myths about getting married young, or perhaps you were married older (or are unmarried) and believe those myths about young marriage. In either case, I encourage you to sit down with your Bible, turn to Ephesians 5, and really meditate on what God’s Word has to say about marriage.

Marriage, at any age, is a joy and something that we should cherish and encourage the young people in our church to be chasing after. Please quit telling those “ball and chain” jokes, stop putting your husband down in front of your girlfriends, and focus on the fact that marriage is a gift from God and start treating it as such.

“God’s plan for marriage is marked by a holy reciprocity in which the husband’s loving headship awakens in his wife a responsive submission just as a wife’s submissive cooperation draws from her husband servant leadership. With a loving spirit, equal person hood in the image of God, and complementary roles within marriage, a husband and wife can glorify God and reveal him in unique ways by the metaphor he himself designed. Nowhere is the image of God more poignantly reflected. Fortunately, God’s plan does not depend on perfect people or perfect circumstances because it is a perfect plan. Truths recorded in holy Scripture will stand forever as the standard by which men and women created by God in his image are to live. In studying how best to make a marriage work, the closer you come to following the instructions of the Creator, the more successful you will be.” – Pat Ennis, The Christian Homemaker’s Handbook, page 73.

Jami is passionate about Biblical Homemaking and striving to be a woman of God. Jami and her loving husband Jason have toddler twin boys and are busy learning what it means to raise little boys! She has a heart for homemaking and making her home an inviting place that reflects Christ. She blogs about this passion at Young Wife’s Guide. Jami is also the creator of the Christian Homemaking Community and would love to connect with you there!

*If you would like these posts delivered directly to your inbox, simply subscribe below (and get the FREE eBook, The 7 Habits of a Highly Fulfilling Marriage).

The post How I Found Purpose in My Young Marriage appeared first on Club 31 Women.

Free Printable: 17 Wonderful Ways A Woman Can Find Rest & Refreshment

Sometimes my husband comes in and says to me, Will you just sit down?

Stop what you’re doing and rest a while.

And I start to protest. Explain to him all that I have to do and take care of and finish up and . . . .

And I forget that one of the things I need to do? The thing that you need to do too?

Is rest.

Refresh.

Maybe you’re too tired, too busy to even remember what it means to renew your body and soul.

So here’s a new “To Do” list for you.

Yesterday I wrote down all these creative ways to rest. For you and for me. Bunches of different ways we can find a little quiet and renewal.

You can post it on your refrigerator or your bathroom mirror – anywhere that you can see it and be reminded that God designed for you to rest too.

Rest, my friend, and be refreshed.

(Click the link below to download as a free printable)

17 Wonderful Ways to Find Rest & Refreshment – Printable

 

Resting in Him,

*If you would like these posts delivered directly to your inbox, simply subscribe below (and get the FREE eBook, The 7 Habits of a Highly Fulfilling Marriage).

The post Free Printable: 17 Wonderful Ways A Woman Can Find Rest & Refreshment appeared first on Club 31 Women.

17 Wonderful Ways A Woman Can Find Rest & Refreshment

Poured out.

That’s how I’d describe it.

Not simply tired or busy, but completely poured out.

It wasn’t a complaint or even a whine. Just a stated fact.

I was run-down.

Now please understand, I LOVE what I do. I love being a wife and I’m happy being a mom. I enjoy running our home and I’m grateful for church and ministry.

But sometimes . . . sometimes, I get worn out. Plain and simple. With nothing left to give.

And that’s not a good place for a woman to find herself in, is it?

Done in and wiped out.

So I’ve learned that if I’m going to do this thing—this wifely-motherly-homemakey-workey-ministry thing—for the long-term? Than I needed to figure out how to find rest and refreshment so I can have what it takes to pour out to others.

A lot like you.

I need to stop.  Rest. Restore. Refresh.

Now I can almost hear you protesting from here . You’ve got young children. You work two jobs. You’re taking care of your parents, or maybe his. You’ve been ill, or someone in your family has been sick. Possibly for a long time. You’re homeschooling, or carpooling, or running a ministry.

You can’t stop . . . and yet you’re poured out.

So today I’m going to share – not just one way, but 17 wonderful ways you can find rest and refreshment. And maybe you can’t do all of them, but I’m certain you can pull off at least one of them. Probably more, if you set your mind to it.

So pause a moment, won’t you? And rest along the way. 

17 Wonderful Ways a Woman Can Find Rest & Refreshment

Go for a walk.  Not only does a walk refresh your heart and mind, but it can also refresh your body. If I can’t get my walk in earlier in the day, I’ll pop something in the oven and when my husband gets home I’ll give him that look – the one that says I think I just might go insane if I don’t get out for some fresh air.
Run a hot bath. Soaking in a warm tub, with a drop or two of essential oils, eases my stress and tired body. Makes you sleep better that night too!
Read a good book. I don’t even know if I can explain it, but when I got lost in a good book, it soothes my mind and renews my perspective.(Here’s a great recommendation if you want one: Evidence Not Seen.)
Change your attitude. It’s amazing how much more energy you have when you’re not fighting against what God has called you to do. So if you sense you have resistance?  Then repent, rejoice, and see how renewed you feel!
Sing a song. We used to take our children on these long hikes and toward the end, when their little bodies were starting to droop, we’d sing a song the last way down the mountain. Well, it works for grown-ups too!
Create a place of rest. See this swing on our front porch? This small spot of sunshine? This is one of my best places of rest. Slipping out there for a few moments does my weary spirit good (even if a small person sometimes finds me there – see #9).
Pray quietly. When it’s crazy-busy and everyone is bustling about, maybe whining and crying (and that would include me too), I’ll slip back to my bedroom, kneel down, and say a small prayer. Asking God to give the strength and grace needed to carry out this day. *Highly recommended
Give thanks. This one is closely related to #4 above. Rather than focus on the trials and the challenges, begin giving thanks – preferably aloud – for all the blessings that you enjoy. You just might have more than you remembered.
Snuggle up. With someone you love. My personal favorite.  Taking a few minutes to cuddle with a little person . . . or maybe that Man of Yours, if he’s around. Or sometimes I just give hugs all around – from the youngest to our teens!
Cancel an activity. Ha! You didn’t even know you could do this, did you! Well, you can. The world will still keep going ’round, even if you do cancel a class, a meeting, or event (I know, because I’ve tried it).
Take a power nap. This is one of my secret weapons: the 20 minute power nap. Fan, ear plugs, covers over my head . . . and recharge! Try it, you’ll find it works wonders.
Do something you love. Maybe this seems counter-intuitive, but sometimes doing something is even more refreshing than doing nothing. For me that might mean baking homemade bread, but for you it might mean painting, scrapbooking, writing, or building. Take an hour and just do it! You’ll feel better when you do. 
Call a friend. Talk on the phone or see if she can meet you for coffee. Being able to laugh, cry, or share my struggles with a friend can be very healing.
Turn in early. Another ha! Go to bed at an insanely early hour. Don’t watch TV, close your computer (well, after you’ve read this post, of course), forget the nagging piles, and just. Go. To. Sleep. I’m telling ya, 8 hours of sleep can make you into a new woman!
Slip away for a short break. Schedule a break, dear lady. No one (no one!) was made to keep going 24 hours a day, 7 days a week–and that even includes you. Get creative if you have to, but make it happen.
Soak in the truth of Scripture. Place Bible verses strategically around your house or work area that remind you of Who you can rest in. (You can get free printable Scripture cards right here.)
Enjoy the beauty of God’s creation. Just stepping outside and enjoying what the Creator has designed can reach your soul and renew your spirit. Wherever you live, look up at the vast sky or find a small flower that fills you with joy and wonder.  (I love to share the beauties of the Pacific Northwest here.)

Don’t you feel better already? Knowing  you have all these wonderful options? I thought you might.

Pick one to try . . . and then another.  Maybe even one a day!

Rest, my friend, and be refreshed. 

For I will satisfy the weary soul, and every languishing soul I will replenish. ~ Jer. 31:25

*What are some of the ways you find rest and refreshment? I’d love to hear!

Resting in Him,

P.S. Yes! I will be making a printable of these 17 Wonderful Ways. Coming soon! Something for you to hang up where you can see it when you’re too tired to think.

*If you would like these posts delivered directly to your inbox, simply subscribe below (and get the FREE eBook, The 7 Habits of a Highly Fulfilling Marriage).

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An Uncommon Love: Where Is She? {Searching for My Forever Girl}

 

*Today Matthew is continuing with Chapter 2 of An Uncommon Love: A True-Life Love Story. You can read Chapter 1: If He Was the Last Man on Earth HERE, if you missed it. 

Chapter 2
Where Is She? Searching for My Forever Girl

Where is She? 

I’m not ashamed to admit it. I spent my whole life searching for the genuine article . . . seeking the authenticity, safety, and communion with the woman who would share my world. Most men won’t admit it but we’re all longing for our Forever Girl.

But in my case, she never showed up.

25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30 . . .

Will I ever find her? Does “She” even exist?

“It is not good for a man to be alone.”

That much I knew very well. Being a single Christian man in this world is a struggle, to say the least.

The Word says, It’s better to marry than to burn, so, where is she?

I’ve searched for you in every room, at every Church service, through every crowd, down every busy street, in the checkout line at every store. Where are you?

I was certain I would recognize her, instantly, if I could just get one short glimpse, just one moment when our eyes met.

Nothing.

Even so, I never stopped believing she was out there, somewhere.

So, I prayed.

A lot.

But as the years passed, the cold reality that she might never show began to creep into my anxious thoughts. Really God? You want me to be single? It’s discouraging, people.

Not that I hadn’t tried, here and there, being set up by friends. But, I didn’t want that.

I’m a one-woman-man . . . I only wanted “her” not everyone else.

Match-Maker, Make Me A Match

Then, one day, my assistant, Linda, came into my office holding something.

Our eyes met. Clearly, this wasn’t about publishing.

“I’ve been thinking about you. I have this friend I’ve known for a long time. She’s blonde, beautiful, smart. She lives in L.A. but I was just wondering if you might be willing to meet her sometime, if she’s ever up this way . . . oh, and, here’s a picture.”

Linda said nothing as I savored the image of this beautiful young woman. But, cynicism had done its work and I couldn’t bring myself to believe in possibilities…..

Continue reading Chapter 2 of An Uncommon Love Story over at MatthewLJacobson!

*You can read Chapter 1: If He Was the Last Man on Earth HERE

(This post may contain affiliate links. Read my full disclosure.)

*If you would like these posts delivered directly to your inbox, simply subscribe below (and get the FREE eBook, The 7 Habits of a Highly Fulfilling Marriage).

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On Raising Kids Who Enjoy Church

It was a two-day retreat for the high school students.

A very cold retreat, I might add. (On September 11th it got down to 23 degrees here in Kalispell, Montana.)

The guest preacher had been talking about finding joy in the Lord instead of just doing the church routine and the Christian school routine. We broke into small groups, and the conversation eventually came around to motive for going to church.

It’s hard when my parents make me go to church, said one of my guys.

A valuable question was raised: How can you go to church for the joy of it if your parents make you go?

What if you got home from this retreat and your parents said they now felt you were old enough to make the decision for yourself about whether to go to church or not. Would you still go? I asked.

There was a collective gasp, and they gave that question some serious thought.

I was sitting there looking at students who had been churched and Christian schooled, and I could imagine it would be easy to grow weary with the expectations of all of it. At the same time I was thinking like a parent, wondering how parents could help their kids not just do the church thing out of obligation.

My own two kids, one 20 and one 17, have never balked at going to church with us. In fact, they have enjoyed it and have been sad when they couldn’t go for some reason.

How in the world did we manage that? Was it something we did? Or are they perfect, as I have suspected? (That’s proud momma talk there.)

So I’ve been chewing on this question for a while and would like to make the following observations:

What Environment Would Make a Kid Want To Go to Church?

My husband and I look forward to going to church. We both love Christ and find great joy in singing to our Lord. We both highly treasure the Scripture and can’t wait to open our Bibles. Even when we’re exhausted or busy, we will not miss connecting with our family of believers. For us, church is a rich experience and a worthy place to invest our lives. Maybe our kids have learned to enjoy church because they’ve watched how much we enjoy worshiping the Lord and caring about the body of Christ.
When our teenagers went through the church doors, we handed them off to youth leaders who highly valued them and very quickly mentored them into places where they could serve. My son, at 17 years of age, is leading the singing in youth group and has taught the Bible lesson there on more than one occasion. The youth leaders treat him like an adult. The expectations are set high for him, and he is thriving in that environment.
My husband is a pastor, but no one at our church has ever expected our kids to be perfect because they’re pastor’s kids. My daughter and son have had so much room to be flawed people who have been accepted and loved by their church family. We carry that grace from our home to church life, too. Our kids hear us apologize when we mess up. We forgive them when they mess up. So much grace.

I grew up in a tiny church in Wyoming, and I can see how the above three elements were true for me. My parents enjoyed church. My church family there highly valued me and encouraged me to take on leadership responsibility, but they also seemed to overlook my failings. So I looked forward to going to church.

*Let’s talk about this –what do you think helps a kid enjoy going to church?

Christy Fitzwater is a pastor’s wife south of the border (Canadian, that is.) She has two children –a newly married daughter and a son who is a senior in high school, although she is in denial about the latter. Christy is a librarian’s daughter and an English major who loves the smell of a new book and freshly sharpened pencils but who occasionally can be seen in a kayak as her one claim to athleticism. Living in Kalispell, Montana she teaches high school Spanish at a Christian school in the afternoons and spends the mornings writing her devotional blog, Off the Shelf. Her greatest desire is to help people know and understand who God is. You can also find her at Pinterest and Twitter.

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Free Printable: 8 Scriptures for When You’re Needing Rest & Refreshment

Are you in need of some rest and refreshment? 

Yes?

Yeah, me too.

And I’ve had the most delightful opportunity to enjoy just that . . . in the beautiful state of Montana.

It felt so funny packing my suitcase and heading to the airport while it was still dark early this morning. I can hardly remember the last time I flew on a plane, all by myself.

I think I was pregnant with our 7th child.

Who is now 10 year old – if that gives you any idea.

I wish I could invite every one of you to come along! Wouldn’t that be lovely?

Well, we can’t quite pull that off, but at least I can share some of the pictures over on Instagram, if you’re over there.

AND I promise to later pass on the things that God presses upon my heart this week-end as I get to visit my dear friend Christy (who often writes for us here!) and attend a writers’ retreat with some other Christian friends gathering there.

I’ve actually been thinking a lot about Rest and Refreshment lately and how important it is to us as women and as believers in Christ. I’m looking forward to encouraging you with some wonderful ways a woman can find that kind of renewal when I return next week!

Until then, let me share one of the very best ways – soaking in God’s Word and resting in Him. 

Click the link below to download these verses as a  free printable:

8 Scripture Cards for Rest and Refreshment – Part 1

Click the link below to download these other verses as a free printable:

8 Scripture Cards for Rest and Refreshment – Part 2

Many blessings to you, my friends!

Resting in Him.

(This post may contain affiliate links. Read my full disclosure.)



*If you would like these posts delivered directly to your inbox, simply subscribe below (and get the FREE eBook, The 7 Habits of a Highly Fulfilling Marriage).

“Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version® (ESV®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.”

The post Free Printable: 8 Scriptures for When You’re Needing Rest & Refreshment appeared first on Club 31 Women.

An Uncommon Love: If He Was the Last Man on Earth

Chapter 1
If He Was the Last Man on Earth

He is tall, dark, and, believe me, handsome.

And that’s how it began.

With this very letter.

I read her description of him and knew—just knew.

He is tall, dark (little gray) and believe me handsome. He loves the Lord in such a beautiful way. He is full of life and you and he will hit it off immediately . . . I just know you will.

So there he was. The man I’d been waiting for, looking for, and hoping for and now the time had finally come.

I had found him.

Or, to be more accurate, she had found him.  And now he only needed to find me.

My kind friend from seminary days had written to tell me about her new boss.  He was perfect for me she said and I couldn’t help wanting it to be true.

Because I was 25.

Very single.

And very lonely.

Not that I was exactly miserable.  I was enjoying a pretty good life—worked at a great job, was involved in ministry down in Little Saigon, and lived with dear friends close to the sunny beaches of Southern California.

Hardly qualifies as suffering.

But my true heart’s desire? Was to find my soul-mate – wherever he might be – and marry. To raise a family and enjoy the rest of our days together.

A little happily-ever-after.

And here was a letter describing just the kind of guy I’d always imagined I’d marry. The kind of man I had asked God to bring me. The man I’d been praying for.

Just waiting for me up in Portland, Oregon.

Always the Bridesmaid, Never the Bride

Now all we had to do is meet one another. 

My friend wondered if I was going to be coming up there any time soon? So I could meet her boss?

As a matter of fact, I was flying up in a few weeks’ time to be in a friend’s wedding.  A bridesmaid. For the 12th time.

Seriously.  Twelve times.

You know, Always the bridesmaid . . . never the bride?

That was me.

Practically a professional.  I’d considered including it on my resume: Expert, Experienced Bridesmaid (there’s such a demand for those).

An even dozen taffeta gowns hung all in a row in my closet.  In a beautiful  array of rainbow colors. With carefully dyed heels to match.  It was a little overwhelming.

But no white gowns.  No, not one.

So you see how it was.

Lonely.

Very lonely.

The Blue-Eyed Man in the Suit

It was to be a lunch.

The plan was for me to show up at his office and go out from there. He worked for (what was then) Multnomah Publishing in Portland—a place I was familiar with and easy to find.  His administrative assistant – my friend –  had arranged for it all.

All I had to do was show up.

I took great care in preparing myself for this lunch. I’d like to say that this meant devoting myself to prayer, and maybe even fasting, but mostly what this meant is that I spent more time on my hair and make-up than usual.  Agonized over my outfit . Painted my nails. That kind of stuff.

I arrived on time (a miracle in itself) and waited outside his door for his assistant to notify him I’d arrived.

Waited.

And waited.

Finally, Linda emerged from his office with this somewhat ashen look on her face. As if something terribly wrong had occurred. A natural disaster or some sort of tragedy.  Possibly a death in the family.

But before I got the chance to ask her what was up, he came out the door.

Him.

Mr. Tall, Dark, and Handsome.

He strode directly toward me, introduced himself, and shook my hand.

Shook my hand, people!

What in the world…?  I thought this was supposed to be a date, not a business meeting.

A handsome man in a dark suit.

But all I could see were his blue eyes. Why hadn’t she thought to mention those blue eyes??

Then….(you’re with me on this, aren’t you?) he glanced at his watch and mumbled something about how busy he was, how he had to rush to a meeting, how nice it had been to meet me, etc. etc.

And he was gone.

I stood there in my freshly-pressed blouse, carefully curled hair, manicured nails and lipstick to match and watched the back of his suit walk away.

It took a few sobering seconds for me to figure it out what had just happened . . .

Stood up.

That’s what had happened. I’d just been stood up by Mr. Blue Eyes himself.

And can you guess my response?

Cry? Scream? Laugh?

Nope. I got mad.

Icy. Cold. Anger.

Who did he think he was anyway? Did he actually think this was my idea?? That I was chasing him? That I was desperate?

I don’t think so, Buddy.

Rude, arrogant man.

And I decided right there that he really wasn’t quite so handsome after all.

No, definitely not my type.

Except for those eyes . . . .

The Matthew L. Jacobson Fan Club

I was ready to go home now.

I had somehow lost my appetite in that recent exchange and wanted nothing more than to go home, slip off my heels, and put my hair up in a ponytail, and be done with men.

Probably for the rest of my life.

But Linda wouldn’t have it (oh, my faithful friend!). She quickly organized a Plan B which apparently included lunch with her and the next best thing – the sister of Matthew L Jacobson.

I’ll never forget that lunch

It will go down in history as the most tortuous event in my lunching life.  You see, what I didn’t know then was that these two ladies were Matthew’s biggest fans. They spent the entire time going on . . . and on . . . and on about how great this guy was and how “lucky” the girl would be that caught him.

Absolutely nauseating.

I couldn’t wait for the whole ordeal to be over.  Oh, I smiled and nodded at all the appropriate moments, but if they only knew what I was really thinking . . . .

I was no fan of Matthew L. Jacobson.

More like his sworn enemy.

So I found myself back home in my comfy sweats at the end of that humiliating, ridiculous day. And when my girlfriend called later to find out how my lunch date went?  My answer was in no way unclear.

“If he was the last man on earth, I wouldn’t go out with him.”

And that was the end of that.

To be continued next week . . . .

*Yes, you’re right, there must be more to the story.  Next week Matthew will pick up and tell it from his side. (But just don’t let him persuade you that he wasn’t rude, even if he’s convinced that he had a reasonable explanation

A Romantic Giveaway for Two

Now to celebrate An Uncommon Love, Matthew and I want to offer you a chance to win this Romantic Giveaway for Two.  It’s full of all kinds of goodies – from Smoked Salmon (from the Pacific Northwest, of course!) to lovely glass goblets to Moonstruck chocolates (Mmm….my favorite).

Also, we’re including a copy of each of our books: 100 Ways to Love Your Husband by me and 100 Ways to Love Your Wife by him.

How romantic is that! 

Enter to win the Romantic Giveaway for Two HERE!

In His grace,



(This post may contain affiliate links. Read my full disclosure.)

*If you would like these posts delivered directly to your inbox, simply subscribe below (and get the FREE eBook, The 7 Habits of a Highly Fulfilling Marriage).

The post An Uncommon Love: If He Was the Last Man on Earth appeared first on Club 31 Women.

My 5 Best Tips to Help You Out in Homemaking

She told me that she remembers it well.

My friend – more like my mom’s friend –  said she can still picture me as a young girl walking around with my duster in one hand . . . and my nose buried in a book in my other. Dusting the bookshelves without ever glancing up from my own reading.

My idea of “doing my chores.”

This explains a lot of things really.

Like how I spent most of my childhood with my head in the clouds.

Like how I never did pay much attention to housework (just as my mom always suspected).

And why I was clueless about homemaking when I first got married.

Not the end of the world, I suppose.

Except that once the honeymoon was over,  I woke up and looked around our small, 2-bedroom apartment and suddenly realized

I

knew

nothing

about keeping house.

Or at least next to nothing.

Let’s put it this way: the learning curve was fairly high.

You’re probably much farther along that I was when I began running our home. But in case you’re in a place where you’re looking for a few helpful homemaking hints, or maybe could use a refresher course?  I’m offering my 5 best tips today.

My 5 Best Tips to Help You Out in Homemaking
1.    Practice.

Practice might not make perfect, but it should improve things over time. If you’re not efficient at cleaning the bathroom? Practice. If you’re struggling with laundry? Practice. (And maybe read this: How to Change Laundry into the Chore You Love).

Like any other skill – yes, I used the word skill –  do it every day (or often) until you get really good at it.

2.    Work on one area.

Or at least one area at a time. The biggest complaint I hear is about being overwhelmed. But you don’t have to be up on everything all the time! I’m sure not.  I’m telling ya, it’s a juggling act. Just when I get the bathrooms shipshape, I realize the laundry room is overflowing. Then the fridge gets green and scary. And so on and so forth. One step at a time. One area at a time. Rinse and repeat.

3.     Give yourself grace.

In challenging seasons. Pregnancy, new baby, illness, job loss, or maybe moving to a new house? These are BIG and you shouldn’t be too hard on yourself when walking through it. During such times, slip into survival mode and try to concentrate on the bare basics – the other stuff will get done when we’re in a different season. You’ve got enough on your hands without heaping further guilt on yourself.

4.     Remember Who you are serving.

If I think of all this work as only for my sake (or my pride), or even for my family’s sake, then it can be downright discouraging.  But when I remember that  I am doing this as service to God—and Him only? Changes things quite a bit. (More here: 5 Good Reasons Why Cleaning Actually Matters)

Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men (or family, friends, or neighbors). ~ Col. 3:23

Then ask the Lord to put a song in your heart and strength in your hands and go to it!

5.     Study the craft.

So I admitted how inept I was at keeping house when I began.  Wondering how I eventually learned the skill of homemaking?

I studied.

Yeah, I’m serious.

You wouldn’t believe all the books  and articles I read on the subject!  I was determined to master this stuff.  And after a time, I even began to get excited about what I was learning.  At the end of the day, I’d share with my husband all kinds of thrilling bits of information:

Baking soda gets the smell out of stinky spots.
Clean the dirtiest areas of the bathroom first and then work your way up the mirrors last.
Run a lemon through the garbage disposal to freshen the sink.

He was on the edge of his seat, I’m sure.

The main thing was that I was learning things that made my homemaking easier and more efficient. I no longer felt quite so helpless and overwhelmed.

Which brings me to the next thing I wanted to share with you . . . .

Homemaking from Scratch Conference 2014

I found out just last week about this Homemaking from Scratch Conference and it looks amazing!

These 12 terrific bloggers and authors (I can say that because I know a number of them!) have gathered together for a conference filled with Biblical advice, wisdom, tips, and resources on topics covering homemaking routines, motherhood, natural cleaning and more.

The conference is “live” from October 7-9th, but the beauty of it (if you’re anything like me) is that you can listen to it anytime you like, at your own pace. You can stop, pause it, and come back later – whenever it is convenient to you.  Whew.

Also, if you pre-register, they have all KINDS of freebies they’re throwing in for you (over $200 worth!). Oh, and $5 off the ticket price.

Now I’m passing this on to you in case you’ve been wanting to improve your knowledge and skills in homemaking. It’s just the kind of thing I could have used when I first got married. Could still use . . .

So you know I’ll be signing up!

You can find more details here: Homemaking From Scratch.

*Additional note: If you’re not in a place right now to do something like this – whether financially or just plain headspace – then that’s okay too. I only want to share things that will bless you—not as “one more thing” to add to your already full plate. 

Happy homemaking! 

Now back to reading my book . . . some things will never change

*Just for fun: Share one or more of your favorite homemaking tips! Like how to clean burnt milk off the stove – stuff like that! (I’m all ears) 

In His grace,

(This post may contain affiliate links. Read my full disclosure.)

The post My 5 Best Tips to Help You Out in Homemaking appeared first on Club 31 Women.