Lisa Jacobson's Blog, page 50

Those Little Life Lessons I Learned in Grandma’s Kitchen

Opening the side door that she used as the front entry, we walked straight into the kitchen.

Ahead I could see the sewing room, where I would always look to see if there was a new dress hanging for me. Immediately to my right was the first kitchen chair –the special comfortable one with rolling wheels, for my grandpa –one of several chairs set around the 50’s-style table.

There was the smell of bacon grease and the little felt and pop-can-tab lizard attached by magnets to the fridge –a forever-valuable piece of art made by one of her kids.

It was a room full of life.

Where Grandma greeted her camper court customers and clipped dad’s hair. Where cookies often cooled on brown paper sacks and fried chicken came out of the electric skillet.

There were elements of my grandma’s kitchen that I will never forget and that are simple enough for any mom to copy . . .

The plates set to warm in the oven and pulled out just when the food was ready.
A bowl of cut-up fruit and several forks sticking out of it that she would plop down in front of us.
Always a game of Chinese Checkers in progress.
During breakfast the big Bible opened and her reading stories that she would embellish with ridiculous details, “to see if we were paying attention.”
A preacher on the little TV on Sunday morning.
An assortment of small containers pulled out of the fridge with every meal because never did leftovers go in the garbage.
A hot wash rag kept next to her plate, to scrub the sticky hands of children who had just eaten.
A timer set to go off at random times during a birthday meal, for a surprise present every time it dinged.
Toothpicks stuck in the homemade chocolate cake pieces, to keep the Saran Wrap from sticking to the frosting.
A brown paper sack tucked into the plastic garbage bag, to save money by making the plastic bags go as far as possible.
A freshly ironed dollar bill handed to me once a week for several years, so I could build my own savings account.
One can of pop split between two glasses filled with ice, for a frugal but special treat on pizza night.

It wasn’t a big room, and it was mostly utilitarian in appearance . . .

But there I learned to laugh and to be thrifty and to be generous.

*Is there anything special you would copy from your grandma’s kitchen?

Christy Fitzwater is a pastor’s wife south of the border (Canadian, that is.) She has two children –a newly married daughter and a son who is a senior in high school, although she is in denial about the latter. Christy is a librarian’s daughter and an English major who loves the smell of a new book and freshly sharpened pencils but who occasionally can be seen in a kayak as her one claim to athleticism. Living in Kalispell, Montana she teaches high school Spanish at a Christian school in the afternoons and spends the mornings writing her devotional blog, Off the Shelf. Her greatest desire is to help people know and understand who God is. You can also find her at Pinterest and Twitter.

*If you would like these posts delivered directly to your inbox, simply subscribe below (and get the FREE eBook, The 7 Habits of a Highly Fulfilling Marriage).

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How to Build a Loving, Lasting Marriage {22 Years Later}

We somehow found ourselves at the top of the mountain.

A romantic impulse, I suppose. But it was a week-end and we were heading back home when he suddenly steered the car up the road to Timberline Lodge at the top of Mt. Hood, Oregon.

A small detour up into the snowy peak.

When we arrived at the grand historic Lodge, however, we found ourselves in a long line of cars and the parking lot appeared to be closed. We inched our way up to the grumpy parking attendant who looked as though he had been standing in the cold for far too many hours.

His explanation was brief: “Sorry, no chance. Nothing open with a ski race and two weddings going on.”

Honestly? You won’t let us up there?

“Nope. Can’t do it.” And he motioned for us to move along.

My husband – never one to give up easily – pressed him: But what if we recently celebrated our anniversary up here?

I leaned over to the window, “Yes, and we had one of our first dates here.”

He remained unmoved.

Then for some reason, I impulsively added, “And we’ve been married for 22 years now.”

Surprisingly, the man’s hard lines softened right before our eyes. “Really? You two have been together for over 22 years?”

Yes, sir, we have. Happily.

And we watched him mull it over.

Then finally, “Well, I never do this, but you can park directly in front of the lodge. It’s reserved for special guests . . .and this sounds pretty special to me.”

Special.

Never thought our years together would qualify us as special.

But, yes, by God’s grace, we’re staying true to our vows. We’re committed to this marriage for the long haul. Not always an easy climb, but oh, so worth the effort.

How to Build a Loving, Lasting Marriage

Give each other grace during the difficult seasons. At some point, one or both of you will likely face illness, financial pressure, job loss, or grief. Decide now to ride out these hard times together. Support one another as much as possible. You can’t let these trials determine the rest of your relationship.

Don’t let the cares of this life choke out your love. People get busy, distracted and worn-down, letting their love life slowly fade away. But don’t let that happen. We regularly call a “time-out” where we put the pressures of our lives aside and focus on our relationship together. Reminding ourselves that we love each other and enjoy being together.

Be willing to seek help when you need it. Maybe you need prayer or another godly perspective. Ask for it! Don’t let things get too far down before reaching out for help. That’s the beauty of the body of Christ – you should never be left to solve everything on your own.

Focus on how you want this to end. Whenever I see Matthew’s parents holding hands in church and sharing a songbook together? I say to myself, “Yes! That’s what I want. What they’re enjoying after 60 years is what I want for us too.” My desire is for our children – and our grandchildren – to be drawn to our story when we’re old. I want our love to be contagious.

After parking out front, my husband and I went in and walked around the lovely, old Lodge, holding hands and reminiscing. Oblivious of the swarming skiers and wedding guests. We quietly curled up in front of the massive fireplace where we first sat together and remembered what we realized that evening so long ago.

God meant for us to climb this mountain together.

So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate. ~ Matthew 19:6

In His grace,

 

 (This post may contain affiliate links. Read my full disclosure.)

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4 Simple Steps To Hosting a Lovely Tea Party {Plus recipe for The Perfect Scone}

I want you to meet a dear friend of mine! I’ve been wanting to introduce Teresa to you for so many reasons. For one, she is a close friend of mine and the wife of Matt’s “good friend, Greg” (the same from our An Uncommon Love story), so we have a long history together. For another, she and her family live in Great Britain and she just happens to be an absolute connoisseur of all things tea. She has a wonderful website BringBackTeaTime.com and she knows how to host the most delightful tea parties! Doesn’t that sound wonderful?

Hello Teresa,

I was wondering if you could help me with something? I would really like to throw a “proper” tea party for the girls and some friends, but I hardly know where to begin! Do you think you could give me some ideas on how to put together a lovely tea party? What should I serve and what would make it special? I’m all ears….

Thanks so much!

Lisa

Hi Lisa,

How exciting! Everybody loves a tea party and having all the components makes it very special. The main thing is to remember to take your time and allow several hours to prepare. If you dote over the four main elements below, it will be a big success!

1.   The China

You’ll want to have a large teapot to serve all your daughters and some friends. It’s nice to have fine cups and saucers that everyone will feel are pretty to use – don’t feel they all have to be from the same set. Having a variety of types of china can lead to interesting conversation about what patterns people like.

2.   Dainty and Fancy Sandwiches

This is a tricky aspect of your tea – they need to be served absolutely fresh so they will be the last thing that you assemble before everyone gathers for the tea party. In fact, I would make use of your helpful girls and ask them to give you a hand – it’ll be a fun prelude to the whole experience!

It’s important that the crusts are all cut off before the sandwiches are made and that, once, assembled, they are cut into small triangles or other interesting shapes. I even have a friend who uses a heart-shaped cookie cutter. Provide at least three types of sandwiches for your guests for example, cucumber, salmon, egg.

3.   Scones with Cream and Jam

The scones also need to be fresh, but can be made several hours before. {See Teresa’s recipe for The Perfect Scone below}. For me, the critical part of the scones is having the right cream – it needs to be “clotted cream” rather than whipped cream as the latter melts and makes your scone “limp”! Clotted cream has lovely texture which combines perfectly with your strawberry jam. This is not an advert for Bonne Maman jam, but I do have to say it is my favorite for a fancy tea.

4.   Small Cakes

Cakes are presented after the sandwiches and scones, which means that most of your guests will already be full! This means that your cakes need to be served in very small portions. Again, variety is the name of the game and so it is nice to have different options, for example: I always like to have something chocolate and something lemony.

Good luck Lisa! I’m sure it will be a huge success and that your girls and friends will love it!

-Teresa, BringBackTeaTime

Teresa lives with her husband and three children in Great Britain, not too far from the auction houses and historic 19th century China factories that she loves to visit. When she’s not hunting for the most exquisite & charming tea sets, you can find her enjoying a cup of tea – always brewed in a teapot and served in a cup with saucer.

I hope you’ll take a minute to “pop in” (don’t you think that sounds rather “British”? and see Teresa at her site, BringBackTeaTime. You can wander around and see all her beautiful tea sets and the charming area where she lives.

And just for fun?

Teresa is offering our Club31Women readers a chance to win this gorgeous tea cup trio! (Who wouldn’t love to win a tea set coming all the way from Wales??) To enter, simply subscribe to her free newsletter on her site HERE. Thank you,Teresa!

This lovely tea cup, saucer and tea plate is made by Royal Albert Crown china which was an old company that made china in the late 19th century and into the early 20th century and is the predecessor to Royal Albert china. This particular piece would have been made between 1925 and 1927. It’s nearly 90 years old!

You can enter to win this set by subscribing to Teresa’s Tea Time Newsletter HERE.

Hope you enjoy a delightful tea party! 

*Do you have any questions for Teresa? About tea parties, tea sets, . . . or just about anything else British? She’s available to us!

Print The Perfect Scone Author: Teresa Barker Recipe type: Dessert Cuisine: English Prep time:  20 mins Cook time:  15 mins Total time:  35 mins   Here's a fool-proof recipe for baking The Perfect Scone! Ingredients 3 cups flour ¼ cup sugar 4 tsps. baking powder 1 tsp. salt 1 tsp. baking soda ¾ cup butter ¾ cup currents or raisins 1 egg, beaten (remove and save one tbsp.) 1 tbsp. milk 1 cup buttermilk Instructions Stir the dry ingredients together and then cut in the butter. Once the butter is finely mixed, stir in the fruit. In a separate bowl, mix the egg and the milk. Make a “well” in the dry ingredients and pour in the egg-milk mixture; stir together. Knead on a floured base for 3-5 minutes. Roll out and cut into rounds with a cutter. Mix together the remaining 1 tbsp milk and saved 1 tbsp egg and brush over the scones. Bake at 400 F for 12-18 minutes. Remove from pan and cool. 3.2.2885

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What’s In a Kiss? {An Uncommon Love: Chapt.10}

This is so good. Once I started reading, I couldn’t stop. Like a good romance novel, only this tale is true. ~ Darlene Schacht of Time-Warp Wife.

*Here’s Chapter 10 of An Uncommon Love: Our True-Life Love Story. If you’re new here, you can catch up with Chapt. 1, Chapt. 2, Chapt. 3, Chapt. 4, Chapt. 5, Chapt. 6, Chapt. 7, Chapt. 8, and Chapt.9.  

Chapter 10
What’s In A Kiss?
by Matthew L Jacobson

I don’t believe in roadblocks . . . never have.

There’s always a way to get something done – you just have to want to do it.

Unless it’s finding the “One”. Then you have to be super cautious and careful. Until you meet her. Until she appears taking what was normal life and instantly transforms everything, like a tree growing in the middle of your living room.

Another Awesome Date with “The One”

Thoughts of our first year of marriage together made me smile as I glanced at her entering the car. Of course we would be married – we’d practically already said our vows, hadn’t we? Not openly or verbally but, it didn’t matter. There could be no mistake. We loved each other. I had certainly communicated that much! It’s not like I buy expensive perfume for every woman who crosses my path.

This was shaping up to be the perfect evening. I glanced over and smiled,“It’s so great to see you.” I meant that with every fiber of my being . . . it was so great, so fantastic, to be with her again . . . it had been hours since we were together.

We had only tonight and tomorrow. She was headed for LA on Friday.

Somehow I knew tonight was going to be special . 

I’m subtle enough but looked at her every moment I could and still keep the car on the road. Something told me I needed to “make a move” but what, exactly, would that look like?

What “move” did I have?

There’s a song from the 80’s I used to listen to by Billy Ocean that has a line in it, “Get out of my dreams and into my car” and she did! It really happened! My Dream Girl was sitting right next to me as we wended our way through the foothills of Mount Hood, up Hwy 26 to the Ivy Bear restaurant – a quiet place where savoury food filled austere surroundings with a comfortable North European flare.

I hadn’t made reservations. Who needs those, right? As we rounded the last corner and the restaurant came into view, it was obvious I wouldn’t have needed them. The place was closed up.

No problem . . . I have a better idea, anyway.

“No big deal. How about we keep driving? I know a much better place, just up the road.”

To find out about his  “move”, you can READ THE REST of this chapter over at Matthew L Jacobson!

Only one chapter left to go! Next week will we will share the final chapter (Well, at least of this portion of our story!

*Chapter One: If He Was the Last Man On Earth
*Chapter Two: Where Is She? Searching for My Forever Girl
*Chapter Three: What Happens When Mr. Right Walks Into the Room
*Chapter Four: What A Smile Can Say to Him
*Chapter Five: The Best Answer If You’re Ever Invited on an Adventure
*Chapter Six: The Night I Fell In Love
* Chapter Seven: 1,000 Ways to Win Her Heart
*Chapter Eight: A Gift for the Woman I Love
*Chapter Nine: When Love is Silent

This post may contain affiliate links. Read my full disclosure.)

100 Ways to Love Your Husband: A Life-Long Journey of Learning to Love

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For the Woman Who is Simply Weary of Serving

Oh, my friends, you are going to LOVE this word today from Randy Alcorn. A word that come from God’s Word. Freeing, convicting, and encouraging. If you read only one thing this week; I hope you’ll read this.

Randy is the well-known author of Heaven and many other books, but this man stands out to me for rather different reasons. I met Randy as a young teenage girl and he and his sweet wife, Nanci, invited me into their home and lives at a time when I dearly needed such friendship. Their kindness was healing gift to me.

I’m sure you’ll be as blessed by his ministering words as I’ve been. ~ Lisa Jacobson

For the Woman Who Is Simply Weary of Serving
by Randy Alcorn

There was work to be done.

After all, when Jesus came, the twelve came with Him. The house needed to be swept. Food would have to be prepared and the table set. Twenty-six extra feet would require washing. Bedding, too, must be arranged, as traveling dinner guests always spend the night.

If I don’t do it,  she may have thought, it won’t get done.

Housework and meal preparation were things no one else seemed to notice—unless they didn’t get done. Perhaps no one could remember a time when Martha didn’t get them done, and she was determined this day would be no exception.

Both Martha and Mary loved and served Jesus.

Yet one was a worker, the other a worshiper; one was a servant, the other a seeker. Together, they paint contrasting pictures of the Christian life.

In Scripture’s account of that dinner, Martha is mentioned first (Luke 10:38-42). She was probably the eldest, certainly the one in charge of the home. Some speculate her family was prominent and wealthy. If so, she probably had several servants.

She was a doer, a goal-oriented achiever, a believer in the work ethic who took pride in her accomplishments and thrived on success.

 The Super-Homemaker

Today, Martha would make a good executive, coach, committee chairman, or Christian worker. She is the “super homemaker” type—a compulsive cleaner and five-course meal server who wouldn’t be caught dead with dust on the refrigerator or frozen pizza in the oven.

As is often the case with siblings, Mary was quite different. Calm and relaxed, she seems more thoughtful and less tense than her sister. Mary was a thinker, a listener, a contemplator. Today we might describe her as “laid back” or “mellow,” while Martha tended to be “uptight.”

Martha was a classic example of what some physicians call the “type A” personality, those aggressively involved in an endless struggle to achieve, to accomplish more in less time. They see people as obstacles to their goals and have little tolerance for others’ deficiencies.

Mary, on the other hand, was a “type B” personality. Patient and low-key, she was people-oriented. It’s likely she often got distracted from her work to engage in conversation, much to Martha’s annoyance.

Mary may have depended heavily on an impatient Martha to do her jobs for her.

Martha was the type who would hoe weeds; Mary was the type who would smell the flowers.

Mary sat at Jesus’ feet and listened to every pearl that dropped from His mouth. It wasn’t every day that one could hear the Master, and she wasn’t about to miss this opportunity.

Meanwhile, Luke tells us, Martha was “distracted by all the preparations that had to be made” (10:40). And a great deal did have to be done—all without vacuum, range, microwave, or even running water.

Martha is not criticized for working hard to be a good hostess, rather, for being distracted by her serving. The word  translated “distracted” means “to be drawn about in different directions.” We are not distracted to something, but away from something. She was distracted from Jesus.

Being distracted is not always bad. One can be distracted from television, worry, eating, or even sin in general.

Mary was distracted, too—from the housework. But more important, she was compelled to her Lord.

Put yourself in Martha’s position. She had had it. Perhaps the bread had burned, the drinks had spilled, and the kitchen was a mess.

No one else was bothered, but perfectionist Martha lived under the self-imposed pressure that made her endure such occasions rather than enjoy them.

She prided herself in serving dinner on time, and it was already late. Meanwhile, every time she breezed past the front room, her eyes focused on her sister Mary, blissfully seated at the feet of Jesus.

It’s not that listening to Jesus was wrong, of course. Martha would do the same if time permitted. But it didn’t, or so she told herself.

To Martha, Mary’s behavior was sheer laziness and the height of insensitivity. Unfortunately, her own insensitivity in not spending time with Jesus never dawned on her.

A Server or Seeker?

Having put up with this situation for more than long enough, Martha marched into the front room, to the amazement of her guests. The Greek words used in verse 40 imply suddenness or haste.

Stepping right up to her honored guest, she said, “Lord, don’t You care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

In essence, Martha accused not only her sister but also Christ of insensitivity and injustice. Here is the Messiah, the Savior, God incarnate—not the kind of person to whom one barks out orders. But Martha lost sight of whom she was dealing with. She allowed Jesus’ lordship to be eclipsed by her own grievances.

She was a lot like Peter—energetic, strong-willed, and ready to give advice, even to her Lord. When she should have been quietly listening to Him, she was loudly challenging Him.

Those same attributes that made Martha a capable, effective manager also got her in trouble. She was aggressive, assertive, and strong in conviction. She was also quick to criticize, intolerant of others’ differences, and prone to self-pity.

Maybe Martha was jealous of Mary’s close relationship with Jesus. Yet she could have been just as close had she chosen to spend the time with Him.

She should have calmly taken her concern to Mary. Instead, she disrupted the good fellowship of weary travelers and thoroughly embarrassed her well-meaning sister, not to mention herself.

But in Jesus’ response, we learn as much about Him as we do about Martha. He knew her heart. She did love Him and was sincerely doing her best to serve Him.

She just didn’t realize she was serving her own pride.

She attempted to minister to him when she desperately needed to be ministered by Him.

The Hungry Soul

John 11:5 states, “Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus.” With amazing wisdom and tenderness, Jesus here demonstrates that love by not rebuking Martha’s insolence. Instead, the Lord gently puts the whole scene in perspective for her.

“Martha, Martha,” He begins, as one often did in addressing one he deeply loved and longed to lead in a better way. We can imagine Jesus gently placing His hands on her shoulder, as He continues: “You are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her” (Luke 10:41, 42).

The word translated “worry” comes from the Greek words for “pieces” and “mind.” Literally, it means to come to pieces in the mind or to have a divided mind.

Jesus admits there is no end to the number of things we might worry about (Matt. 6:34). We can worry about our jobs, our possessions, our children, our health, or, like Martha, our responsibilities. Worry does not stem from these things, however, but from within.

It’s the product of a mind that lacks perspective. Such a mind needs to fill itself from the reservoir of God’s Word, not the innumerable concerns that constantly vie for our attention.

Martha quite likely knew the verse, “Be still, and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10). Yet she seldom put it into practice.

Mary chose “what is better” or, literally, “the better portion.” The reference is to food, and it sets up an interesting contrast. While Martha devoted herself to preparing physical food, Mary devoted herself to receiving spiritual food. She was a hungry soul, single-mindedly devoted to the spiritual meal served by Jesus and oblivious to all else.

Jesus stresses the issue of Mary’s choice. Yet Martha also had a choice, even though she probably thought her hands were tied. I have to do this work, she rationalized. It’s not a matter of preference, but necessity. How many times do we use this as an excuse to neglect time with God?

Charles Hummel’s Tyranny of the Urgent reminds us we must learn to discern between the urgent and the truly important. Serving the guests was much more urgent than listening to Jesus. But it was also far less important.

Mary made her choice; so did Martha. She was not the victim of circumstances.

Couldn’t Martha have prepared a simpler meal or delayed dinner long enough to enjoy Jesus’ presence? If she had, she could have gone about her duties with renewed perspective and probably with the help of her sister.

Jesus said of Mary, “It will not be taken from her.” Time spent at the feet of Jesus is an investment in eternity, a treasure stored in Heaven.

The Westminster Confession states, “The chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.” Martha might have thought “enjoy” was a bit too frivolous.

She suffered from job saturation. Today, we, too, are often managed by our responsibilities.

Sometimes, when we are unsure of our direction, we attempt to compensate by doubling our speed. The result is a hurried and harried Christian life, full of activity, but devoid of an eternal perspective.

The One Who Worships

In his marvelous book When I Relax I Feel Guilty, Tim Hansel describes Martha-like believers as “Weary Servants of the Impossible.” For us, there are never enough hours in the day or days in the week.

Often, those most committed to serving others give of themselves until they have nothing left. But they keep on giving, drawing from a dry reservoir. They have forgotten how to receive.

Martha, too, forgot there was one thing even more fundamental than giving to Jesus. That sounds almost heretical, doesn’t it?

What could possibly be more important than giving to Jesus?

Receiving from Him.

The truth is, we need our Lord a great deal more than He needs us.

Jesus wants our fellowship and devotion, not just our skills and efforts. He values our service less than our devotion and worship. Yet it is worship that fosters the most effective service.

Martha is not rebuked for serving any more than Mary is commended for not serving. The message is not “worship precludes service,” but “worship precedes service.” I found when I was a pastor that grasping and maintaining this perspective on worship and service was the most important challenge in my ministry; it was also the most difficult.

It’s too easy to base my sense of worth on what I do or how much I do, rather than who I am.

The Love of Our Hearts

Too often I cut short worship to devote more time to service.

Ironically, whenever I put service before worship, I shortchange those I’m attempting to serve, and I shortchange myself. But worst of all, I shortchange my Lord.

Satan’s favorite lie is, “There’s work to do. God understands. He’s always available, and there’ll be plenty of time to spend with Him later.” Hence, the urgent displaces the important.

We allow the labor of our hands to overshadow the love of our hearts.

Often, the urgent is what people want us to do. But the important is what God wants us to do. Jesus did not always live up to others’ expectations. But he was in touch with His Father and knew how to separate the grain of God’s will from the chaff of man’s will.

At the end of His life, Jesus said to His Father, “I have brought you glory on earth by completing the work you gave me to do” (John 17:4).

What strikes me is not that Jesus worked, or even that He finished His work, but that the work He finished was what God gave Him to do.

Randy Alcorn is the founder and director of Eternal Perspective Ministries and a New York Times best-selling author of more than forty books including Heaven (over one million sold), If God Is Good, The Treasure Principle, and the Gold Medallion winner Safely Home. His books sold exceed eight million copies and have been translated into over sixty languages.

Alcorn resides in Gresham, Oregon with his wife, Nanci. They have two married daughters and five grandsons. Randy enjoys hanging out with his family, biking, tennis, research, and reading.

You may contact Eternal Perspective Ministries at www.epm.org or at 39085 Pioneer Blvd., Suite 206, Sandy, OR 97055 or 503.668.5200. Follow Randy on Facebook, Twitter, and on his blog.

 (This post may contain affiliate links. Read my full disclosure.)

*If you would like these posts delivered directly to your inbox, simply subscribe below (and get the FREE eBook, The 7 Habits of a Highly Fulfilling Marriage).

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7 Ways to Lovingly Prepare Your Marriage for the Holidays

Drifting snow. Twinkly lights. Lovely gifts, woodsy garland, and a simple nativity scene.

Mystery and joy.

It was Christmas Eve and our very first together.

We were newlyweds living in those dreadful pink apartments and I was eager to have his family out to celebrate Christmas Eve with us. Everyone was invited over for “light snacks and a festive evening”.

(Did you catch that? “Light snacks and a festive evening.” Just wanted to be sure.)

I put together a platter of cheese and crackers, a large bowl of popcorn, and an assortment of Christmas cookies.  The doorbell rang and Matthew’s parents, his sisters and their families poured in and soon our tiny apartment was full to overflowing. Everyone was in good cheer and began nibbling on the goodies.

After an hour or two, however, something seemed wrong.

A slight tension.

I could feel it in the air, but couldn’t quite figure it out.

Finally, my sister-in-law softly whispered, “Um…..I don’t mean to be rude, but my children are starving! When are you going to serve the dinner?”

Dinner . . . ?

I’m quite certain that I had specified “light snacks” because, of course, that is what you do on Christmas Eve—saving your big, fancy meal for Christmas Day.

Yet apparently, that is not how they did it in his family. Not at all. So my “light snacks” were misinterpreted as merely a humble offering on my part.

Except that I had meant it.

Rather literally.

I suddenly realized that our small apartment was full of very hungry people who look forward to this special dinner every year. And I had unknowingly offered them a rather meager bowl of popcorn . . . .

So I did what one can only do in such a circumstance: I burst into tears.

Horrified. Embarrassed. Stressed. Upset. Even angry.

Why hadn’t my new husband thought to tell me that this was the tradition in their family??  The misunderstanding seemed so unnecessary. 

This was the first of many lessons I would learn about marriage, family expectations, and holiday traditions.

Thankfully, over the years I’ve learned some ways to help prepare our marriage for the coming holidays such as…

1)   Communicate your expectations: Often we assume our spouse knows what we value and expect over the holidays, but it’s usually worth a conversation or two. You might be both be surprised at the honest answer. You also might find that these things change over time.

2)   Hold your traditions loosely: Traditions can be delightful – but they should never be held above your relationship. God cares more about the love and peace between you two than any long-standing traditions.

3)   Protect your marriage: His family is important. Your family is important. But your marriage is your first priority, so make decisions together that are in keeping with that priority.

4)   Keep it simple: I know, easier said than done. But if attending every event and upholding every tradition sacrifices the peace in your home? Is it really worth it? Probably not. Be willing to let go of some activities to lessen the stress.

5)   Stick with your budget: Often the holiday stress stems from financial pressure, so determine your budget and then keep to it. Cut back your gift list, decorate simply, and make things at home.  Debt is always a damper to celebration.

6)  Be considerate of one another: For instance, my husband is an extrovert and I’m the introvert. Basically he has more “party” in him than me. So we try to accommodate one another – each giving up a little for the sake of the other.

7)   Keep Christ at the Center. He is the reason we are celebrating. It’s not about the presents, cards, food, fun, or even family. It’s about rejoicing in the Prince of Peace, amen?

For unto us a Child is born,

Unto us a Son is given;

And the government will be upon His shoulder.

And His name will be called

Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God,

Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.  ~ Isa. 9:6

I hope some of these things help you both to enjoy a loving, joy-filled Christmas this year.

And now you know, if I ever invite you over for “light snacks” . . . well, I really mean it.

Blessings on you and yours as we celebrate the birth of the Christ-Child and King!

*How about you? What are some ways you prepare your marriage for the holidays? Or what are some of your challenges? 

In His grace,

 (This post may contain affiliate links. Read my full disclosure.)

*If you would like these posts delivered directly to your inbox, simply subscribe below (and get the FREE eBook, The 7 Habits of a Highly Fulfilling Marriage).

The post 7 Ways to Lovingly Prepare Your Marriage for the Holidays appeared first on Club 31 Women.

Fudgy Cappuccino Crinkles

Hi everyone, it’s me Chels again with yet another dessert. I swear I actually cook, too. I thought with the holidays coming up and Christmas cookie exchanges being so popular, I would bring you this perfect little crinkle to share with all of your family and friends. On a side note, this recipe is from my archives and I start the post out saying I don’t understand WordPress. We’ve since made the switch from Blogger to WordPress – just in case there was any confusion, haha!

I’m not sure how WordPress works, but on Blogspot, you can add pictures as you write or add them at the end of the post. I really like adding the pictures as I go. I kind of feel like it fuels my writing and inspires me.

So I was all ready to write this post this afternoon and then I couldn’t find my pictures.

And then I realized that Josh had mentioned he had moved them from the file where we usually keep them (the folder is still on my desktop) to our Dropbox account.

I am not a computer/app savvy person at all, and I don’t exactly understand what Dropbox does or even is…and it literally took me like ten minutes to even find the app on my computer. But then I still had to call Josh and I just got so confused and then I got shut out of the account and well then – I was just kind of done.

So I worked out instead of writing this cookie post, and now I have no idea what I was even going to write about.

Oh, I hate it when that happens!!! Don’t you??

Since I can’t remember what I was going to talk about, I guess I’ll talk about these cookies. Which are kind of a big deal!

It was one of those recipes that I marked probably a couple of years ago and recently just rediscovered. I came across these cookies while I was looking up the Irish Stew recipe and it was like one of those “oh yeah, I remember these” moments.

One of the things that drew me to these cookies were that they were crinkles.

I’ve never made crinkle cookies before – can you believe that?

And the other thing was, they were low calorie. Which is probably a bad thing for me…meaning, I will eat a lot more than two! I probably ate half the batch!

They are so good and they stayed soft for days, which in my book is a good thing. I’m not a fan of those hard and crispy kind of cookies.

These are chocolatey and have a great coffee flavor, too. I think the espresso makes them extra special.

Since this batch made so many and I didn’t want all of them in the house, I set aside a plate full of cookies to share with some of our family and friends. I heard they were gone rather quickly.

Chocolate is one of those treats that’s just better shared.

Print Fudgy Cappuccino Crinkles Author: Better Homes & Gardens Cookbook Recipe type: Dessert Serves: about 40 cookies   A soft chocolate cookie that's baked with coffee and cinnamon and rolled around in powdered sugar making it the perfect cookie to enjoy with a cup of coffee. Ingredients ⅓ cup butter, softened 1 cup brown sugar, packed ⅔ cup unsweetened cocoa powder 1 tbsp instant coffee granules 1 tsp baking soda 1 tsp ground cinnamon 2 egg whites ⅓ cup vanilla low-fat yogurt 1½ cups all-purpose flour ½ cup powdered sugar, sifted Instructions Pre-heat oven to 350 degrees. Lightly grease or use parchment paper on your cookie sheets; set aside. Beat butter with an electric mixer on medium speed for 30 seconds. Add brown sugar, cocoa powder, coffee granules, baking soda, and cinnamon. Beat until combined, scraping the bowl down the sides when needed. Beat in egg whites and yogurt until combined. Beat in as much flour as you can. Stir in remaining flour. Place the powdered sugar in a shallow bowl. Drop dough by a teaspoon (dough will be sticky) into the sugar and roll into balls. Place 2 inches apart on the prepared cookie sheets and bake for 8-10 minutes or until the edges are firm. ( I found that 8 minutes was the perfect time with my oven). Transfer to a wire rack and cool. Nutrition Information Calories: 66 #version#

Bake and enjoy!

~ Chels

Chels is a born-again believer who dreams of living with all four seasons in Central Oregon. She’s a wife and stay at home mom to her three vivacious kiddos whom she home schools. When she’s not schooling or chasing after her munchkins, she enjoys reading, bubble baths, and finding clothing/kitchen treasure at thrift stores. But more than all of that, she finds refuge in her kitchen where she and her husband can be found cooking and baking up a storm for their family and friends. You can read more about her culinary endeavors at CatzintheKitchen.com.

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When Love Is Silent {An Uncommon Love: Chapt. 9}

“This is so good. Once I started reading, I couldn’t stop. Like a good romance novel, only this tale is true.” ~ Darlene Schacht of Time-Warp Wife.

(*Here’s Chapter 9 of An Uncommon Love: Our True-Life Love Story. If you’re new here, you can catch up with Chapt. 1, Chapt. 2, Chapt. 3, Chapt. 4, Chapt. 5, Chapt. 6, Chapt. 7, and Chapt. 8.)  

 Chapter 9
When Love Is Silent

Maybe you think it should be enough.

Enough that he took me to lunch. Presented me with a bottle of perfume. A rather special bottle of perfume.

Perhaps your opinion is that I was asking for too much. And you might be right about that.

But, my friends, I’m telling ya . . . I was hoping for words.

Yes, I needed to hear it from his own lips.

Not merely left to guess it.

Wonder at it.

Or even to smell it.

No, I desperately wanted him to say SOMETHING. What did he think of us? How did he feel about me? Was he interested? Attracted? Hopeful?

Because for all I knew, he often went around giving girls – who happened to be in town for a week – a pricey bottle of perfume. Maybe that’s just the kind of thing he did. Go out to lunch and randomly hand out bottles of perfume.

How could I know?? 

On Top of the Mountain

And while we’re talking about girls who were in town for ONLY a week? This girl’s week was nearly done.

Now it was Wednesday and I was leaving . . . on Friday morning.

48 Hours left.

No pressure, dear.

Okay, maybe a little.

After leaving our lunch on Tuesday, he suggested we go to dinner on the following evening. Grab something to eat and then come back to my parents’ house for the basketball play-offs. L.A. Lakers vs. Portland Blazers. Should be good.

I consulted my hauntingly empty calendar and casually agreed.

Dinner with a handsome, interesting, godly man? Yeah, I could manage that.

So he picked me up and we started winding our way up the beautiful, snow-covered  Mount Hood. He’d decided on The Ivy Bear, a lovely, European-styled restaurant toward the base of the mountain. I’d only been there once before, so was rather excited to get to dine there again. Especially with him.

But when we arrived, the restaurant was locked up and closed down.

How disappointing!

I mean, there aren’t a lot of dining options along the mountain pass. Sounded like Dairy Queen to me, and by that time, I didn’t even mind. A hamburger? An ice-cream? As long as we were together . . . and talking.

But he drove right past the DQ and on up the mountain. Up and up, until it seemed we couldn’t go any higher.

Until we reached the historic Timberline Lodge.

Nestled somewhere between the snow and the clouds.

Dinner for Two, Please

We were quiet now.

The only sound was the crunching of our feet through the deep, deep snow. Making our way to this wintry mountain retreat. Passing the two Saint Bernard dogs who guarded the place with a friendly wag of their tails. Climbing up the stone steps and entering the historic building. Huge wooden beams and three fireplaces at the base of a 90-foot chimney.

All of this just waiting for the two of us.

The dining room was pleasantly empty, inviting and warm. I watched as he scanned the room for the right table for us.

But he seemed dissatisfied.

And I couldn’t figure out why. In such a dreamy, romantic setting, what could possibly be missing? 

But the mystery was soon solved as he began rearranging the furniture.

Yes, I’m serious.

He picked out the perfect table for two and then pulled it up in front of the gigantic, crackling fireplace. Him and me. Alone on top of the world. With nothing better to do than gaze into each other’s eyes.

Oh, and share a gourmet meal together.

A Strange Silence

Would you believe I can’t remember what we talked about that evening?

I can remember the snow, the dogs, the wood and stone, and the fireplace. I remember the animated conversation and lots of laughter. But few other details.

Except his eyes and how I thought they were the most beautiful pair of eyes I’d ever seen in a man.

Other than that, I mostly remember what he did NOT say.

He didn’t say, “I like you.”

Or, “I wish you lived closer.”

Or how about, “You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me”??

And certainly not, “I love you.”

Oh, no. He could wax eloquent on nearly every other subject.

Except about me. About us.

He was strangely silent on that subject.

By the time he drove me back to my parents’ home, it was late and we’d missed the basketball game. Not that I cared anymore about such things. There was only one thing – one person – I cared about right then.

And I was waiting for this particular person to say goodnight to me.

We stood in the driveway, only a few inches from each other, and I thought . . . maybe . . . just maybe . . .

But then the most unexpected thing happened . . . 

That ruined everything.

Sorry, but I promised him that he could tell that part? (Now, please, don’t be mad

What I can tell you, however, is that I walked into the house and went directly to my room where I wrapped myself in my favorite blanket and, well, cried my eyes out.

To be continued . . . . See you next Wednesday for Chapter Ten then?

In His grace,

P.S. If you’re enjoying this series, we hope you’ll share it with others! Thanks, friends!

*Chapter One: If He Was the Last Man On Earth
*Chapter Two: Where Is She? Searching for My Forever Girl
*Chapter Three: What Happens When Mr. Right Walks Into the Room
*Chapter Four: What A Smile Can Say to Him
*Chapter Five: What to Say If You’re Ever Invited on an Adventure
*Chapter Six: The Night I Fell in Love
* Chapter Seven: 1,000 Ways to Win Her Heart
*Chapter Eight: A Gift for the Woman I Love

(This post may contain affiliate links. Read my full disclosure.)

100 Ways to Love Your Husband: A Life-Long Journey of Learning to Love

*If you would like these posts delivered directly to your inbox, simply subscribe below (and get the FREE eBook, The 7 Habits of a Highly Fulfilling Marriage).

The post When Love Is Silent {An Uncommon Love: Chapt. 9} appeared first on Club 31 Women.

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What His Word Says About How He Sees Me {& 2 Book Giveaway}

*I am so thrilled for you to meet Sara Hagerty! She is a new friend and fellow contributor at TheBetterMom. After meeting her, I began reading her newly released book, Every Bitter Thing Is Sweet, and I literally couldn’t put it down. Her beautiful words and powerful ministry reached deep inside my soul. I pray you will be as blessed and encouraged by her today! ~ Lisa

As I sighed under my breath towards her, I caught her eye.

She’d heard the exasperation that was intended only for me. Her sister was on edge, too. She needed my cheek against hers and my hand on her back, but in my tiredness she got the one-sentence pep-talk that rarely moves a heart. I was coach, today, barking instructions and correcting their errors. I couldn’t see them past the seven things on my list that needed to be done (yesterday) and the fact that I was hours away from dinner and I’d forgotten the main ingredient at the grocery store meat counter. Again.

They were players on a field, not hearts, to me on this day.

But the real evaluation happening in our home was centered around me. Failed! — at the chance to reach her when my sigh betrayed my words. Failed! — at speaking to where she was when I used flat phrases. Failed! — at training when I chose to command, not teach. Failed! — at keeping up with yesterday, which left me in the negative today. All capped off by another family dinner from Chipotle to cover over this mama’s gaps.

I carried my internal report card into the nook off our bedroom, without even noticing. It’s hard to catch on to your own scrutiny when you’re always under it. As I stepped across the threshold into that sacred place where I get to breathe, I heard on my inside His declaration over me: yes, this is good. And I knew as I absorbed the words that “this” meant my home, these children, this environment we’d created in the space that held more laundry and disparate doll clothes and random puzzle pieces than I’d like.

He had a declaration for me that day. It was different than my own.

Good.

I sank into the overstuffed chair by the fireplace and took note of this pause. He hadn’t waited for a quiet moment so as to better instruct my mommyhood or, rather, to tell me to silence those thoughts. He’d intersected a “C” day on my internal report card with a new grade. The one that actually mattered.

And all of a sudden, I saw it. It was good. My day flipped on its ear after that one phrase from Him. Instead of all the failure, I remembered how she’d let me hold her, long — the one who usually resisted me. And her sister didn’t read words, but pages that day. In my lap. The little tike had a rough morning and I helped him make his bed and he left his room standing tall.

I had missed it all in my scrutiny.

But God had a better word over my day.

The One who spun beauty has an eye for what He made that we can’t mimic; it can only be imparted to us. And any evaluation I might make of my life — and my mess — independent of His, leaves me living in gnawing dissatisfaction.

Mamas, in the twenty-four hour span of today, He saw the dozen diapers you changed and the six times you wiped down the counter after their sippy cup spilled and how you held her, tight, when you really just wanted to plop her into bed. He saw the book you read him, again, and the block tower you built. He saw you folding sixteen pairs of panties and matching an equal number of socks that would be un-matched and worn in days. He saw you wipe her nose that could have just run all day.

He saw your “yes” today. Weak as it may be, His eye witnessed your weak yes.

It’s how He defined you.

Your list is likely different, if you’re like me and fighting a lifetime of negative thinking. You noted when you were short with her. And when you left him to run outside with his shoes untied, just because you didn’t want to tie them again. You didn’t forget that you checked your phone when she was tugging on the hem of your shirt saying “up, Mommy, please.”

We take this information — these analyses on our day — and use it as our catalyst for change. We hang it over our heads like a banner — “better not do that again” — in hopes that a “C” report card may motivate us to make an “A” tomorrow.

But it’s not working. We’re not changing.

Because it’s not the way He works change.

But by my Spirit, He says.

The Spirit of God does not function within our human constructs. His ways that are higher aren’t just better so that we have a tighter list of rules by which we can achieve that “A”. They are other.

They are love of an other-worldly kind.

He sees my weak mommy moments as opportunity and, while not afraid to call them out, He leads me to Himself by His gentle eyes towards my weakness.

I fall under a long line of greats — Abraham, Jacob, David, Peter to name a few — whose God called and labelled them by their weak “yes”, not by their dozens of life-”no”s. They grew because they received, and then believed, God’s perspective on them.

If this mama is going to grow in Him and not just live, stagnant, under a story of what He did once-way-back-when in my life, I need to start believing not only what His Word says about Him but what His Word says about how He sees me. On my worst days.

His love doesn’t fit inside the world’s understanding of love.

And it’s on my worst days, as I mutter one weak “yes” towards Him, that I have the best chance of seeing just how other it is.

Try it on for size: Begin to study in the Word the emotions of God’s heart towards you when you are weak. Give it a week, or three, and watch how you’re relating towards her changes. When we get stuck in our love towards them — when we get stale in our mundane moments — it is inevitably tied to stale impressions of Him. Here are a few isolated verses to start with — however, doing a study on those like Abraham, Jacob, David, and Peter and God’s stance towards them will shed light on how He really sees His broken people:  Exodus 34:6, Micah 7:18, Isaiah 55:7-9, Lamentations 3:22-23, Psalm 18:35, Psalm 103:10, Psalm 103:14, Psalm 16:11, Romans 2:4, Jeremiah 29:11-12, 1 John 4:19.

For Your Continued Pursuit: John 6:63 | Zechariah 4:6 | Romans 2:4 | Hebrews 6:10 | Hebrews 11:3 | Isaiah 55:8-9 | Psalm 24:6 | Matthew 16:18 | Hebrews 11:21 | Acts 13:22 | Psalm 18:35

A Giveaway for Every Bitter Thing Is Sweet

Now I’m delighted to be able to offer two copies of Sara’s new book, Every Bitter Thing Is Sweet! And to give you a sense of how much I enjoyed her book, here’s what I said in my review:

This is one of the most beautiful books I’ve read in a very long time. Sarah Hagerty is a particularly gifted writer (she has the most lovely writing style!) and her story touches the deepest of places. I found myself stopping many times while reading and just staring off as I pondered the truth of what she had to say. Inspiring, convicting, and touching. I highly recommend this book! ~ Lisa Jacobson

You can purchase her book HERE (I’m actually getting several copies to give for Christmas presents! Shh…..):

Every Bitter Thing Is Sweet: Tasting the Goodness of God in All Things

You can also enter to win one of two copies here!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

*A few helpful directions: If you follow either of us on Instagram, simply copy the link provided (example: http://instagram.com/everybitterthing...) in the little “box” and you’re good to go!

*Lovely photos are with thanks to Mandie at  seeingjoy.com

Sara is a wife to Nate and a mother of five whose arms stretched wide across the expanse between the United States and Africa. After almost a decade of Christian life she was introduced to pain and perplexity and, ultimately, intimacy with Jesus. God met her and moved her when life stopped working for her. And out of the overflow of this perplexity, came her writing, both on her blog and in her book – Every Bitter Thing Is Sweet, just released via Zondervan.

Sara’s Blog: Every Bitter Thing Is Sweet

The Book: Every Bitter Thing Is Sweet

(This post may contain affiliate links. Read my full disclosure.)

The post What His Word Says About How He Sees Me {& 2 Book Giveaway} appeared first on Club 31 Women.

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How to Build a Sweet Home Together

“That’s one memory I’ll never forget.”

That’s how the conversation began.

“I’ll always remember that sugar-cube castle,” our teenage daughter told me.

My mind did a quick shuffle, sorting through thousands of files, until the right image came up.

Oh, yes. I remember now.

But why? Why did that particular memory stand out so?

The children were young – six of them under the age of nine years. The youngest babies weren’t too much trouble, but the “older” girls were giving me grief.

They had picked up the very bad habit of picking at each other.

A little snide remark here and a slight put-down there.

It was a very destructive habit and I knew it.

The Sugar-Cube Castle

So one night as I lay there crying out to the Lord for wisdom, this idea came to me.

It wasn’t one that I’d read about in a book or article; it just popped into my head out of nowhere.

The nearest thing to a vision.

And in this dream, I pictured a little house made all out of sugar cubes.  It was beautiful and sweet, made with the hands of my own dear young girls.

Along with the picture came this particular verse:

The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her hands (Proverbs 14:1).

With that a plan was set in motion . . . .

The very next day I announced enthusiastically that we were going  do a craft together. What great  fun!

So all that morning we built a lovely home made out of nothing but sugar cubes and frosted mortar.

We were like sugarplum fairies in a storybook.

And, oh, when it was done – such a charming sight to see!

As we worked, I shared with the girls that we were like the wise woman who builds up her home, adding a caution that we should be careful not to tear it down. To this they happily agreed and we all drifted into the kitchen to fix some lunch.

But good intentions are not always enough to overcome bad habits.

And, sure enough, the little tearing-down remarks soon started up.

I didn’t say anything this time, however, but merely walked over to our Sweet Home and carefully . . . deliberately . . . pulled one of the cubes out of its special place.

A dark, gaping hole was left staring its ugliness at us all.

A horrified gasp! 

Once again, I gently explained that every time one of us “tears” at each other, we are essentially tearing down our house. The reverse is true as well: each time we lift each other up, we are building it up.

So if that “hole” in the wall bothered them—and believe me, it did enormously!—it would help them remember what they were essentially doing to our own home. 

That if they wanted to build up, to create and to make beautiful, they would need to say something kind and uplifting instead.

After that, I rarely said a word. I would either quietly remove – or add – blocks as was necessary.

I can’t say how long this went on—maybe a few weeks? But this picture did more for them than all my lectures and corrections seemed to have done in the months previous.

I really do wonder now if it was a heavenly vision after all.

My hope is that it brings Good Memories – and a Sweet Home – for many years to come. 

And I hope the same for your home too. 

In His grace,

 

(This post may contain affiliate links. Read my full disclosure.)

100 Ways to Love Your Husband: A Life-Long Journey of Learning to Love

*If you would like these posts delivered directly to your inbox, simply subscribe below (and get the FREE eBook, The 7 Habits of a Highly Fulfilling Marriage).

The post How to Build a Sweet Home Together appeared first on Club 31 Women.