Lisa Jacobson's Blog, page 47

Loneliness: 3 Surprising Truths That Can Change Everything

I’ve been there more than once.

Unknown.

Aching.

Lonely.

I’ve heard the enemy whisper that I’m the only one in a dark empty corner. That this kind of pain isn’t fair. That if anyone really cared, they’d try harder to reach me.

Lies, all of them. But believed by so many of us.

The truths about loneliness might surprise you. No, they’re not easy to hear, but these three truths just might change everything for you.

1) Loneliness is not about your circumstances.

But I hear you. When you’re single, it’s so tempting to believe your pain would be alleviated by a soul mate. Divorced? Widowed? As you mourn the loss of love, you live in a place the rest of us dread. And some of you are married, yet completely alone emotionally or spiritually.

Then there are friendships. Or the lack of them.  But no friend can meet the deepest needs of the heart. Even the best friend forgets to check on you during the worst week ever, becomes enamored with a new friend… a new job… a new baby.

Do you see it? Loneliness finds its way into every life. New circumstances only bring new corners into which it can settle.

Ever since Adam and Eve chose their way over God’s way, loneliness has been the condition of the human soul. It’s not about our circumstances; it’s about our soul’s hunger for God.

2) Loneliness, like pain, is a gift — a symptom that alerts us to the real problem.

Medical studies prove the value of physical pain. Not only does it alert us to life-threatening danger, it also signals our brain to speed the healing process.

And loneliness is the symptom of our soul’s need for Jesus. It urges us to run to Him.

Pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us.  Psalm 62:8

He alone knows when you come and go, when you lie down and rise up. He chose you, formed you, knit you together and knows your inmost thoughts. No other friend will ever be so interested, so eternally invested.

Our spouses, our friends, facebook, chocolate . .. . none of them will fill the cracks of our hearts.

So stop. Stop for a moment and allow yourself to feel the ache of the loneliness. It’s telling you something. It’s pointing you to your true refuge.

Without loneliness, that gut-wrenching despairing kind of lonely that catches up to each of us eventually, we could never know God as our all-sufficient friend.

3) The ball is [almost] always in your court.

There are times when there is no choice. There is simply no one with you besides God. And in those moments, God will be enough.

He is enough.

But when you have a choice, remember: We are part of the Body of Christ. We weren’t meant to go through life on our own.

And while we’re quick to agree that we were meant to live in community, we’re also often slow to make the first move.

But do it.

You might be new to your community, your church, your ministry, your job. All those “settled” people around you should be welcoming you, embracing you, taking you into their lives and homes. (“Settled” friends, read this.)

But the chances are pretty good that they’re not. That’s how it often goes. I’ve been there.

So pick up the ball that’s in your court.

Make the first move. Make the second move. Make the third move.

It’s hard to break into what you see as a “clique,” I know; but don’t let bitterness, shyness, or awkwardness rob you of the joy of life in the Body.

In swallowing your pride, in humbly opening your life to those who haven’t yet really seen you, you bring Christ to them, and set yourself up to see Christ in them.

Don’t believe the lies, my friend. You aren’t the only one feeling alone.

And your loneliness is not a curse, it’s a gift, reminding you that your eternal best Friend longs to meet your needs.

May He give you peace and also grant you courage to make the first step, the second step, and the third step toward a new friend.

May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all.    2 Corinthians 13:14

*How have you seen the Lord use your loneliness to work good in your life? And how can I pray for you today?

Blessings,

Jennifer

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Author informationJennifer EbenhackContributor

Jennifer is the author of ">Take Courage: Choosing faith on my journey of fear, and blogs at jenniferebenhack.com. She and her husband Jarod served as missionaries in the country of Haiti, where they became parents to all five of their children, three of whom are adopted. Those eventful years produced a gift of brokenness in Jennifer through which she has discovered the depths of God’s healing grace.

In between loads of laundry, homeschooling, and enjoying the South Florida shoreline she is writing a memoir of their nine-year adoption process and eight years in Haiti.

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What Makes Love Hot in a Monogamous Marriage

Since we’re good friends I feel like I can tell you this.

So, yeah, I went out on a hot date last Saturday night.

It all started with a new box of Cheerios and hearing the kids cheer. . . and then discovering we were out of milk.

He looked over at me. And I looked back at him. And we both knew what was coming.

But he asked me all the same, “Hey, Baby, wanna go on a milk-date with me?”

What girl could refuse an invitation like that?

Not this girl.

So we climbed into the car and drove the 20 minutes out to the Kalebaugh Family Farm where we pick up our farm-fresh milk each week-end.  Three gallons in three glass gallon jars.

Talking and laughing. Always holding hands.

Except when he pulls the car over and stops as the sun is setting behind the mountains so that we can . . . take pictures for Instagram (ha! Not what you were expecting, was it? ).

Now maybe you’re thinking this doesn’t sound all that romantic. Possibly a bit dull.

But, baby, I’m telling ya, it doesn’t get much better than this!

Okay, so it’s not likely that anyone will ever write a best-selling novel about us or turn our story into a blockbuster movie.

But if you want to know the honest truth?

The best romances aren’t necessarily as exciting or thrilling (and certainly not fearful) as they make it sound. The best are quietly lived out each day, starting in the morning with a kiss, working and playing, caring for the kids, fixing dinner, and snuggling into each other at the end of the evening.

And it’s hotter than you might think. 

What Makes Love Hot . . . In a Monogamous Marriage
Love is hot when a man and woman commit to staying together.

They’re not gonna give up or run out when the going gets tough. They’ve made a covenant and, by God’s grace, they’re gonna keep it.

And the two shall become one flesh, so then they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate. (Mark 10:8-9)

Love is hot when he and she freely offer forgiveness to one another.

Neither are demanding, or even expecting, sinless perfection—but, by the same grace offered them, they’re going to forgive each other.

. . . bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. (Col. 3:13)

Love is hot when he cherishes her and she respects him.

They’re not vying for their own territory or despising the gift they’ve been given. They show a high regard for one another and consider their love something precious and beautiful.

However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. (Eph. 5:33)

Love is hot when he and she lovingly lay down their lives for each other.

Their desire is to bless and give generously – even sacrificially – out of love for the other person.

Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. (John 15:13)

Love is hot when when they’re grateful to grow old together.

Nothing steamier than an older couple who’ve been walking decades together, holding hands, and stealing a kiss now and then.

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude.

It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

~ I Corinthians 13 ~

So if you’re looking for a really romantic way to celebrate love?
Try this:

1.   Begin with a new box of cold cereal. (Old boxes work too, but the new ones are even better.)

2.  Make sure that you are out of milk.

3.  Grab that guy you love and run out to the farm . . . or to the store, if that’s where you go.

4.  Hold hands all the way there.

5.  Don’t forget to stop and take pictures of the sunset.

6.  Kiss alongside the road while you’re at it (okay, you caught us!).

7.  Hold hands all the way home.

8.  Then keep on kissing until you’re old.

Because sometimes a romantic moment is as easy as running out milk when you’ve got a big box of Cheerios.

Especially when it’s just him and me.

Forever, Only, and Always.

And, baby, if you ask me?

That’s HOT.

In His grace,



*That last photograph is of Matthew’s parents who’ve been married for over 60 years. 

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Author informationLisaOwner at Club 31 Women

Lisa is the happily-ever-after wife of Matthew Jacobson and together they enjoy raising and home-educating their 8 children in the beautiful Pacific Northwest. She's also rather fond of dark chocolate, French press coffee, and deep friendships (though not necessarily in that order). She encourages women to embrace the rich life of loving relationships and the high calling of being a wife and mother. Lisa is the author of 100 Ways to Love Your Husband and her husband is the author of 100 Ways to Love Your Wife. They are also the authors of several children's books, including a winner of the C.S. Lewis Silver Medal for Children's Literature.

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Chocolate Snickerdoodles with White Chocolate Chips {& the Gift of Encouragement}

In our women’s Bible study at our church, we just finished reading the book of Job.

Prior to this study, I hadn’t read that particular book before, and now we’re headed into the book of Hebrews, another book that I haven’t read!

As I was reading through the first two chapters of Job, I was just struck with such a deep sympathy for this man.

He lost everything!

And then his friends traveled from afar to sympathize and comfort him, and they sat with him in silence for seven days and seven nights. Then, Job opened up to his friends and what he received for his honesty was not pleasant at all.

His friends judged him, blamed him, and rebuked him.

My heart broke for Job, and (on a far lesser scale) I was reminded of when I suffered a miscarriage several years ago. My heart was broken for the child I lost. I was so confused as to why it happened and if I could have somehow prevented it.

I had people in my life who were judgmental.

Instead of offering encouragement, they offered words that left me feeling even more broken, helpless, and confused. (Matthew 15:11)

The saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never harm me,” is the worst saying in history (in my opinion – maybe a slight exaggeration there!) . . .

Because words stick to your heart and mind like glue and have the ability to poison your thoughts –  which then can potentially poison your actions.

But God is so good, because he did provide us (Josh and I) with friends we could turn to. A beautiful meal was brought to us and while Josh and our friend’s husband stayed downstairs and talked and counseled, his wife found me upstairs curled up in my bed crying.

No words were exchanged.

She just hugged me for the longest time. And let me talk. And talk. And talk. And cry in between talking. (Galatians 6:2)

It was just what I needed in that moment. And two months later, God blessed me with another pregnancy which resulted in my middle child, Eden.

Encouragement and compassion comes in so many varieties.

It can be as simple as sending or bringing flowers to someone, sending a thoughtful card, bringing a meal, an encouraging book with a box of tea, or dropping by with a listening ear and a plate full of cookies like these ones.

These chocolate snickerdoodles with white chocolate chips are such a fun twist on the classic cookie.

They are comforting, chewy, and oh yeah, . . . chocolatey!

A simple gesture of giving your time to help someone in need is such a small thing to the giver, but it means so much to the receiver.

I think at one point or another we’ve all been on the receiving end, and we can all testify how much the thoughts and actions meant to us.

*What has someone done for you that left you feeling greatly comforted and encouraged?

~ Chels {Catz in the Kitchen}

Print
Chocolate Snickerdoodles with White Chocolate Chips


Author: Chelsia Rief
Recipe type: Dessert



Serves: 4 dozen cookies
 

Everything you love about the original classic cookie, but with chocolate!

Ingredients

1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, softened
1½ cups sugar
2 eggs
1 tsp vanilla extract
2¼ cups all-purpose flour
½ cup cocoa powder
2 tsp cream of tarter
1 tsp baking soda
¼ tsp salt
2 cups white chocolate chips
Topping:
3 tbsp sugar
1 tbsp ground cinnamon




Instructions

Pre-heat oven to 350 degrees. Spray baking sheets with non-stick cooking spray or line baking sheets with a silpat or parchment paper.
In a large bowl, cream together butter and sugar until fluffy. Add eggs, one at a time beating after each addition. Mix in vanilla extract/
In a medium sized bowl, whisk together flour, cocoa, tarter, baking soda, and salt.
Gradually beat in dry ingredients to the wet and mix until just combined. Fold in chocolate chips.
Cover bowl with plastic wrap and store in fridge for 30 minutes. While the batter is chilling, prepare the topping and set aside.
Using a cookie scoop, scoop dough out and roll into a ball in the palm of your and and then roll it around in the cinnamon & sugar mixture. Place rolled cookie on greased cookie sheets 2″ apart. Bake for 8-10 minutes.
Keep dough chilling in the fridge in between cookie batches.
Allow cookies to cool 2 minutes before removing them to wire racks.



3.2.2885

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Author informationChelsia Rief

Chels is a born-again believer who dreams of living with all four seasons in Central Oregon. She's a wife and stay at home mom to her three vivacious kiddos whom she home schools. When she's not schooling or chasing after her munchkins, she enjoys reading, bubble baths, and finding clothing/kitchen treasure at thrift stores. But more than all of that, she finds refuge in her kitchen where she and her husband can be found cooking and baking up a storm for their family and friends. You can read more about her culinary endeavors at CatzintheKitchen.com.

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5 Steps to Follow When You’re Overwhelmed With Housework

Are you overwhelmed by a messy house?

Sometimes it seems like no matter how hard you’ve tried, things have somehow gotten out of hand. Maybe you had a very busy day where you left the house in a hurry with strewn-about clothes in your wake, got home for a late supper, and fell into bed exhausted with the dishes still in the sink.

When you awake in the morning and look around, all you can see is the explosion that seemed to take place in your house the day before.

It’s all so overwhelming that you don’t know where to start! You become paralyzed by your feeling of overwhelmingness (a real word: I looked it up!).

Oh, I’ve been there far too often.

I feel like my 5-year-old daughter who, when told to clean her room, sits down with her head in her hands and wails dejectedly, “I can’t! It’s too messy!”

Although I don’t outwardly react that way, that is pretty much exactly how I feel inside!  “I can’t clean this house!  It’s too messy!”

But thankfully I’ve learned the formula to overcoming this crisis.  If you think you can handle my incredibly complicated system, read on — if you dare.

5 Steps to Follow When You’re Overwhelmed With the Housework:

1.   Put one thing away.

2.   Put another thing away.

3.   Put another thing away.

4.   Put another thing away.

5.   Put another thing away.

See . . . I told you I wasn’t sure you could handle it.

Yet this is all I do when I feel like the house is getting out of control.

By putting just 5 things away, I am amazed at how much better that kitchen counter looks, and I’m then ready to “just finish cleaning this one counter”. But then that counter looks so good, I want the opposite counter to match, and it only takes a few minutes.

I start getting on a roll, and before I know it, quite a bit has gotten done. It doesn’t take long for me to realize things weren’t as bad as I thought.

This whole thing may sound crazy some of you, but others of you will know exactly what I’m talking about.

It’s just part of our personality to get overwhelmed easily.  So rather than working against our personality, we need to work with it to do what works for us.

Usually the easily overwhelmed type are also the easily bored type, and that means the same trick doesn’t always work every time.

That’s okay!  I have more tricks in my bag.

For instance:

Instead of putting 5 things away, I challenge myself to find 5 things to put in the trash.
Or I find 5 dishes to put into the dishwasher.
I set the timer for 1 minute and try to put 5 things away before it goes off.
I set the timer for 1 minute and try to clear one counter before it goes off.
I work 5 minutes in one room, then 5 in the next, etc.

It only takes a few minutes to get the major surfaces cleared off and I don’t have that panicked “This is impossible!” feeling any more.  I can calmly and rationally say, “Dishes?  Oh yes, I know how to wash dishes” and then get to it.

Even though these “tricks” may seem silly and unnecessary, they’re a much better alternative than giving up and doing nothing – a true danger for some of us.

And when that happens, things are twice as bad the next day.

So no matter what you have to do to get yourself “de-overwhelmed” – do it!  Staring at the mess isn’t going to clean it up.  You just have to put on your gloves and go to it!

~ MaryEllen Bream, ImperfectHomemaker

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Author informationMaryEllen Bream

MaryEllen is a stay at home wife and mommy who is passionate about inspiring other homemakers to be all that God wants them to be.  She blogs at Imperfect Homemaker where she shares her articles and inspiration about homemaking, homeschooling, and natural living.

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Boys Are Awesome and the Best Way to Love Them

I was terrified that my pregnancy was going to result in a boy, because I had no idea what to do with one of those.

We did the no-find-out thing, so it wasn’t until after three hours of labor that I heard the doctor say, It’s a boy! That was after my husband subtly turned off the television in the room, so the doctor would look at me instead of ESPN.

That was my first lesson in boys. They cannot split their attention between ESPN and a woman who is in labor.

So I took home a little boy. Six pounds, seven ounces. Now his shoes weigh more than that, and he’s about to graduate from high school. That boy of mine is handsome and charming, and he has my heart wrapped around his little finger.

I’ve learned some things about raising my own boy, so here are some helpful tips…

First, invest in a good mirror for your bathroom. My son goes to take a shower, and about 40 minutes later we hear the water turn on. My husband informs me our boy is making faces in the mirror. He says this as if it has not been all that long ago since he made faces in the mirror. I mean, really not that long ago.

Give one instruction at a time. Just one. See if that gets accomplished before you attempt instruction number two.

Learning and moving must go together. If you will permit him to tap his pencil like a drum on the table, he will be able to do his work and will learn the most while his body is in motion.

Someday he will be able to stay seated in the dining room chair for the length of an entire meal. Do not despair.

Celebrate magnificent sound effects. Praising his good helicopter imitation is the equivalent of admiring biceps.

Roll down your windows when you pick up him and his friends from soccer. Drive fast.

Ask for his muscles and strength, even when he’s little. Ask him to help you carry things and pick up things for you. Boys know they were meant to be strong, and the most glorious words are from a mom who acknowledges that quality.

Besides said biceps and astounding helicopter sounds, one of the most appealing traits in a grown-up man is kindness, so put great effort into encouraging and praising even the smallest act of kindness. Kind words. Kind service.

You know, the whole coat over the puddle for the lady. Teach him that.

Brace yourself to empty his pockets before throwing his jeans in the laundry. Stop to admire the great treasures from his day. A nail. A rock. A piece of plastic. These were great finds.

Know that boys will never outgrow the simple enjoyment of bodily sounds and description of bodily sounds. The best you can hope for is to teach him the place for this is in a locker room. I’m at a loss to know what else to tell you.

Finally, let me tell you that to build up your boy is to invest in your own future. If you have respected him as he has grown into a man, you will find him your fierce protector and sweet help when he is 6’ tall and you fit under his armpit.

Armpit.

Boys can get so many great sounds to come from there . . . .

~ Christy Fitzwater

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Author informationChristy FitzwaterContributor at ChristyFitzwater.com

Christy Fitzwater is a pastor’s wife living in Kalispell, Montana. She is the mother of a son in high school and a daughter who was recently married. She enjoys when the days get shorter and the weather nasty so she doesn’t feel guilty about not going outside. Days where she can just read books and write words all day. She can even tell you the plots of 15 missionary biographies without batting an eye. You can read her personal blog at ChristyFitzwater.

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Finding Hope & Healing {A Book Review & Sweet Giveaway}

You’re wondering why I was weeping on the flight back home.

I think the elderly gentleman in the seat next to me was wondering the same thing. Crowded close together on that small airplane.

Besides, how can you help but notice when the woman next to you has tears streaming down her cheeks, splashing the pages of the book she holds in her lap?

I tried to look up at him and give a polite smile, so he would know that I was really okay.

And I was okay. Just moved. Deeply moved.

And it was all because of words written in this book . . ..

Every Bitter Thing Is Sweet: Tasting the Goodness of God in All Things by Sara Hagerty

Words like this:

I’d known the pain of loss, the pain of not-yet, but I hadn’t predicted the pain of motherhood’s mundane demands.

I felt as if I couldn’t possibly find peace, here, stuck between the numbing repetition of caregiving and the pandemonium of grown life, but could these moments, too, be purposed for great glory?

And this:

My figurative position of confidence before Him, as a daughter in whom He delighted, was one long exhalation of relief. I didn’t earn this position; I inherited it, and that made my safety all the more secure, no matter His response. 

Sara Hagerty gently, thoughtfully, shares a message of hope and grace-filled healing—whatever the difficult circumstance you’re walking through. A message both soothing and challenging. Sara leads us to that lovely place where – truly – every bitter thing is sweet. 

One who is full loathes honey, but to one who is hungry everything bitter is sweet. ~ Proverbs 27:7

Every Bitter Thing Is Sweet

Every Bitter Thing Is Sweet

by Sara Hagerty

Hardcover: 208 pages

Publisher: Zondervan (October 7, 2014)

From the publisher:

In Every Bitter Thing Is Sweet, Hagerty masterfully draws from the narrative of her life to craft a mosaic of a God who leans into broken stories. Here readers see a God who is present in every changing circumstance. Most significantly, they see a God who is present in every unchanging circumstance as well.

Whatever lost expectations readers are facing—in family, career, singleness, or marriage—Every Bitter Thing Is Sweet will bring them closer to a God who longs for them to know him more. What does it look like to know God’s nearness when life breaks? What does it mean to receive his life when earthly life remains barren? How can God turn the bitterness of unmet desire into new flavors of joy?

My Personal Review:

Every Bitter Thing Is Sweet is both a well-written true story (Sara has the most lovely writing style!) and a compelling invitation to know our God in a deeper way. Inspiring, convicting, and touching. I highly recommend this book! ~ Lisa Jacobson

Now I’m very excited to introduce to you the author and my gracious friend, Sara Hagerty—a lovely lady and a gifted writer. You’ll absolutely love her! And you’ll be seeing more of her around here as she recently came on as one of our Club31Women Contributors. I pray her words minister to your heart as much as they have to mine. ~ Lisa

A Beautiful Invitation
by Sara Hagerty

We were made to crave — God. Even out of the darkest, hardest, most perplexing places of our lives. Especially out of the darkest, hardest, most perplexing places of our lives.

Because He shows up beautifully in our dark.

Yet, so often we wrestle through finding Him in the dark, alone.

But what if we didn’t have to?

What if we wrapped our hands around one another’s stories and whispered – into that dark – He is good. You’re gonna find Him here. You might even fall in love with God, here.

What if we could find voices – telling each other about this God and His Word – voices that made a music that slowly began to drone out the years of lies and loneliness and empty wrestling?

What if you didn’t go through your search for God alone?

What if you found others, perplexed by life’s circumstances, but who said “Let’s get near Him. Together. Let’s give ourselves permission to hunger in a way that’s maybe not 21st century normal, but is what the deepest parts of us know we want most.”

‘Cause the broken, the bone-tired, the perplexed – who let all that ache turn into hunger – those are the ones who find Him.

The beautiful God.

Want this fusion of hunger for God and life-ache and friendship for yourself?

What if you didn’t wait until it was the perfect set-up, or the perfect potential people, or the safest-by-your-standards environment … but just took one little step?

How about this for a start:

You’re welcome to download this gift of a Book Club Discussion Guide HERE:

~ Sara Hagerty

Six Book Giveaway!

Ready for a sweet deal? (I’ve always wanted to say that!)

Sara is offering  a copy of her book and 8 jars of honey (see? sweet!) to SIX book clubs! 

So why not gather a few friends together and start a small book club? Doesn’t have to be fancy or formal, simply invite some friends – people you already know or maybe would like to get to know – and see what God does!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

And now for one more wonderful option? You can also join my dear friend, Joy Forney, over at her Reading Cafe Online Book Club!

Sara Hagerty’s book is available for purchase HERE:
Every Bitter Thing Is Sweet

 

So grab a friend or two (or more!) and hunger for God together. Our hope and prayer is that you might truly taste the goodness of Him in all things.

In His grace,

 

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Author informationLisaOwner at Club 31 Women

I'm Lisa, married to Matt Jacobson, and the mama to 8 children. I love sharing my passion for husband, home, and family!

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Blackberry Coffee Cake with Streusel Topping {& How You Can Keep from Crumbling}

I had an interesting conversation with my doctor the other day.

I went in to see him for the results of my annual lab work and I started telling him about what was going on in my life. I figured that since there is some stress in my life and that could potentially affect my health that he should know what’s going on. Thankfully, I have a doctor who’s pretty easy to talk to and allows me to go on and on, because those who know me know that I can be pretty chatty once I get going.

After I told him pretty much everything, he sat back and he said, “I’ve seen a lot of people in your situation, and they are a mess. How are you as adjusted as you are? Is it because you have a supportive husband?”

I took a moment and thought about how to respond because, first of all, I don’t think I’m that well adjusted, but, yes, my husband is supportive. He’s downright incredible.

But it’s more than that . . . .

I said to my doctor, “I don’t know how you feel about God. I don’t like using the word religious or religion because it feels cold and organized. It’s so much more than that for me. God saved me and intervened in my life and I finally just listened to Him because where I was headed, it would have ruined my life.”

How to Keep from Crumbling

My doctor said, “I understand. I’m a Christian, too.”

I felt shaky describing my relationship with my Savior and explaining how He reached into my life and touched me, that He surrounded me with godly people who support, encourage, and help me through all of my issues.

But when he said he understood…the shakiness went away.  I was able to tell him how I had to make a choice to stop keeping one foot out the door, how I needed to commit my life to the Lord, and how I have to begin everyday, first thing, with His Word.

It is only because of His strength that we’re able to persevere in this life (James 1:3).

Without it, we crumble.

The crumbling part is something with which I’m all too familiar. I held myself back from God for years, scared of giving away control. I wasn’t ready to live for Him because I still wanted to live for me. Living for myself offers no hope . . . and no strength.

Now that I desire a relationship with my Abba Father, I need Him like oxygen. I have to have His presence in my life daily. I need His Word, even when I don’t understand it . . . which is pretty often. But I want to understand it.

To sum it up, if I’m adjusted, it is only because I get counseling . . . from the ultimate Wonderful Counselor (Isaiah 9:6).

Blackberry Coffee Cake with Streusel Topping

Since we’re talking about how well adjusted I am, allow me to introduce to you one of my favorite coffee cake recipes that you can easily adjust to the berries you have on hand! I usually squabble away all the berries we pick as a family over the summer for the fall and winter months for breakfast treats just like this!

And, I think it is worth mentioning that when bringing a meal to a family who has just had a baby, it’s great to bring a breakfast treat, too. Coffee cakes are perfect breakfasts because they reheat easily, and they’re guaranteed to give mama the energy she needs.

Bake and enjoy!

~ Chels {Catz in the Kitchen}

Print
Blackberry Coffee Cake with Streusel Topping


Author: Recipe by Paula Deen
Recipe type: Breakfast



Serves: 12 slices
 

Sweet and rich, this coffee cake offers the best of both worlds with tons of blackberries scattered throughout a buttery, crumbly, marvelous cake and topped with a sugary streusel topping. A simply easy and stunning breakfast to fill your bellies with.

Ingredients

For the Topping:
⅔ cup all-purpose flour
½ cup sugar
4 tbsp packed brown sugar
1 tsp ground cinnamon
½ cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, cubed
For the Cake:
2 cups all-purpose flour
2 tsp baking powder
2 tsp ground ginger
½ tsp salt
½ cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, softened
1 cup sugar
2 large eggs
2 tsp vanilla extract
⅔ cup milk
3 cups blackberries, thawed




Instructions

Grease a 9×13 baking dish with butter. Pre-heat oven to 350 degrees. Set aside.
To make the topping, stir together flour, sugar, brown sugar, and cinnamon in a medium sized bowl. Using a pastry blender, blend the butter into the mixture until it resembles coarse crumbs. Set aside and keep in the fridge until ready to use.
To make the cake, in a medium bowl whisk together flour, baking powder, ginger, and salt. In a large bowl, cream softened butter with an electric blender. Add in the sugar and beat until light and fluffy. Beat in eggs and vanilla. Alternate flour mixture and milk until just combined.
Pour the batter into the greased baking dish. Scatter the blackberries over the top of the cake. Spoon the streusel over the berries. Bake for 45-60 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted in the middle comes out clean. Cool on a wire rack.
While the coffee cake is cooling, whip up some homemade whipped cream to go on top of the coffee cake.



3.2.2885

Chels is a born-again believer who dreams of living with all four seasons in Central Oregon. She’s a wife and stay at home mom to her three vivacious kiddos whom she home schools. When she’s not schooling or chasing after her munchkins, she enjoys reading, bubble baths, and finding clothing/kitchen treasure at thrift stores. But more than all of that, she finds refuge in her kitchen where she and her husband can be found cooking and baking up a storm for their family and friends. You can read more about her culinary endeavors at CatzintheKitchen.com.

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I Haven’t Cleaned the Kitchen in 12 Years {& Here’s Why}

I was truly unprepared for this one.

I don’t remember discussing it beforehand—he simply announced it out-of-the blue:

“Your mother will be not doing the dinner dishes tonight.”

I don’t know who was more shocked – them or me?

We all stared at their daddy and tried to figure out what he could possibly mean.

So he explained, “Your mom spends hours in the kitchen every day, cooking and cleaning, and now she is going to be done with that the moment our dinner is finished.”

Just what is that supposed to mean??

“. . . . and that means you kids are going to clean up the dishes while your mother sits down and spends some time with me.”

Our four oldest children were ages 8, 7, 5, and 4.   And our kitchen was a BIG mess.

Maybe you think I should have been ecstatic with this announcement.

But instead, I only quietly panicked.

They’re too young.
The kitchen is  a terrible disaster.
I don’t know if they can handle it.
Maybe it’s asking too much.
And . . . what if they don’t do it right?

I was wrong, however, because they weren’t too young and, even though the kitchen was a big mess, they managed it just fine. And while it’s true that they don’t always do it exactly right, the benefit of the break for me and the job-training for them far outweighed all of my concerns. It turned out to be a win-win deal!

In the Kitchen: 12 Years Later

So now here we are, 12 years later, and I’ve helped with the dinner dishes only a few times in all these years.

Our basic nightly routine is that after dinner, my husband and I go and snuggle on the couch and catch up together. . . and our children all pitch-in and get the kitchen knocked out.

Now don’t misunderstand: it’s not a quiet or calm event.

The kitchen is noisy, clanking, and somewhat chaotic. Dishes get broken and they sometimes argue. They often sing at the top of their lungs or turn up the music. (For instance, last night they all came marching in, prisoner-style, singing loudly Look Down from Les Miserables:  “Look down, look down. You’ll always be a slave….”  Very funny, kids. Very funny.)

But you know something? It’s one of the best announcements my husband has ever made.

The dishes get done (maybe not as perfectly as I’d like, but they do get done).

Our children learn to work together.

I am basically “off work” for the rest of the evening.

And I get to spend those sweet moments connecting with my husband and hearing about his day, and he mine.

Because sometimes as moms we can try to do everything (or most everything!) ourselves.  We forget that it’s not only a blessing to us to have the extra help, but it’s also a blessing to our children to get to serve us too.

Some Questions Answered
* What if your children complain about the work?

First of all, we do encourage them to have fun while they work. Sometimes they’ll play a game like, “Guess My Animal” or they’ll take turns telling a story. On some nights they play upbeat music and sing along.

If a child is determined to complain, however, then we figure that child probably needs more opportunity to practice working (without complaining) and so we add jobs to their chore list OR have them clean the kitchen alone, without the help of siblings. We do this until the child decides to get happy about having a job.

* What about the other meals such as breakfast and lunch?

Right now the younger boys – ages 8, 10, and 12 – clean up the breakfast dishes (we homeschool) and our 16-year-old daughter (bless her heart!)  takes care of the lunch dishes.

* Do your children ever resent you for not helping out in the kitchen?

Good question.  Nooo….I don’t think so. For one, they respect and appreciate that my husband and I want to spend time together. Also, I take care of many other areas around the house (e.g. laundry, housecleaning, and cooking) and so the children know I’m willing to work hard myself. I make a point of expressing appreciation for their help too.

* What if  your children are too young to help out with dishes?

Hmm….Well, we do encourage our kids to help out from a very young age—even if it’s only carrying their plate into the kitchen or putting away the silverware. It’s a natural training opportunity from the time they start walking!

So this is the story behind why you’ll find me snuggling with my husband after dinner . . . instead of cleaning the kitchen. And I’m not saying that this should be everyone’s story because each of you have your own unique situation.

BUT in case it inspires you to think differently about sharing chores around the house? Here’s mine. And I have my husband to thank for it!

. . . . Oh, and my kids, of course!

**Your thoughts? Further questions? I’d enjoy chatting with you, if you want to comment below!  

In His grace,

 (This post may contain affiliate links. Read my full disclosure.)

*If you would like these posts delivered directly to your inbox, simply subscribe below (and get 2 FREE eBooks, The 7 Habits of a Highly Fulfilling Marriage and Raising Heavenly-Minded, Down-to-Earth Kids).

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9 Things I’d Say My Mom Got Right

I hesitated before asking him.

He was only home for a week after all. Just a single week over the Christmas holidays. Only one week gathered together as a family.

The rest of the year our 20-year-old son lives, works, and goes to school a few thousand miles across the country from us. Not that we don’t keep in close touch—because we do. But still . . . it’s not the same as sitting on the same couch together and everyone all talking at once.

And so it wasn’t until the end of the week that I ventured to ask him. Somewhat hesitant.

Makes a mom feel rather vulnerable to ask her oldest son such a question.

You see, this was our first-born. Our experiment. The one with whom I’d messed up and made the most mistakes.

Stressed over.

Cried over.

Prayed over.

So I honestly didn’t know what he’d say now that he’s all grown up and gone.

What really matters and what makes a difference? What would you say to a mom? . . . to me?

He said he’d think about it and get back to me. I opened up his email a couple of weeks ago and here’s what he said:

9 Things I’d Say My Mom Got Right

The following is what I remember – what I loved and what I needed. 

1.     My mom was the one who listened to my hopes and dreams – my heart.

In my life Dad played the role of pushing me to succeed, but my mom was the one who let me just talk. She listened to me share the contents of my small undeveloped mind and heart.

2.     She allowed me to love her.

As I got a bit older my mom was the only woman I ever really hugged. Sure, I hugged my sisters here and there, but generally my mom was the only one who I would go up to and randomly hug. She did not pull away or make a face—in fact she loved it (or at least I think she did).

3.     She encouraged me to play for hours.

Literally countless hours. Hundreds and hundreds of hours. I played – key word here – OUTSIDE all the time growing up. Yes, I had homework and chores, but outside was where I spent my extra time. Those moments are some of the happiest of my life. I have heard, “Go play outside,” about a billion times and 99.99% of them came from my mother.

4.    She gave me the chance to read.

On top of chores, schoolwork, and playing outside, I also spent endless hours reading. I was a relatively late bloomer when it came to reading, but once I started, I read A LOT. My mom often let me off the hook from other tasks when she knew I was reading.

5.    She took the time so I could play with friends.

I still remember when mom would take us to the pool. I remember how she fit in times to hang out with other families. She was willing to drive and move schedules so I could be with kids my age and further stimulate that little brain of mine.

6.     She let us build forts in the house.

And sleep in them. I have built a number of forts in the Jacobson house (along with my ever-willing sisters). Together we built huge blanket forts, pillow forts, cardboard forts—I think we even set up an entire tent in the house once. We read, ate, listened to stories and slept there. It was awesome.

7.     She didn’t let me fill my mind with garbage movies or technological entertainment.

This wasn’t something that I appreciated then, but looking back I certainly do now. Like every kid I wanted to play games or watch movies, but for every time I got to do something in that category there were plenty of hours spent outside or reading. I am certainly much better for it and if you need professional proof – consult any study on the matter.

8.     She never allowed me to disrespect her.

This fits more into the “what I needed” category. My mom never let me hit her or really be anything but loving and gentle with her. That does not mean she had a bad attitude about how rough or just generally boyish I could be—just as long as I treated her respectfully.

9.     She sacrificed for me and loved me with her actions.

I am telling you, there is nothing like a mother’s soft hand on a young boy’s neck and back. I vividly remember one time when I was sick and miserable, burning with fever. I went to the couch and lay down, quite miserable and now lonely. However, only a minute or two later my mom was by my side with a cold wet rag touching my neck and face. A small gesture that still stays with me.

She sacrificed for me time and time again, caring for me with her actions and doing it in a loving manner.

~ Britain Jacobson

Britain Jacobson is in his junior year at Patrick Henry College where he is studying Strategic Intelligence. When he’s not busy with classes, homework, or working at one of several jobs, he enjoys reading books, playing soccer, or catching up on current events. Britain is also the well-loved big brother to his 7 younger Jacobson siblings.

So If You’re A Mom….
Those small acts of sacrifice? Those moments of standing strong? Those prayers cried out on your child’s behalf?
Now we know.
They really do matter and they do add up.
You got it right!
~ Lisa Jacobson

P.S.  If you’re wondering if I cried the first time I read this? Why, yes, I did. Sobbed, actually.

*If you would like these posts delivered directly to your inbox, simply subscribe below (and get 2 FREE eBooks, The 7 Habits of a Highly Fulfilling Marriage and Raising Heavenly-Minded, Down-to-Earth Kids).

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How to Draw Closer Together…When You’ve Drifted Apart {& Date-Night Giveaway}

She wasn’t sure how it even happened.

It’s not what either of them had ever intended.

There was a time when she felt close to him, but now . . . somehow . . . they seemed so far away from each other.

I suppose they could blame it on the kids. I mean, it’s a lot of time and work to raise children.

Maybe it was her health issues and all that she’d gone through as of late.

Or maybe it was his job. It seemed to take everything out of him and he was away a lot of the time.

Perhaps it was all the problems with extended family, or the ministry. So much to do and so many people to care for.

In any case, here they both were. Living in the same home. Standing in the same spot. But feeling a cavernous distance between them.

So how do you draw closer together . . . when you’ve drifted so far apart?

7 Ways to Draw Closer Together

1.  Be the one to make the first move.  Don’t wait for him to start the steps forward. Reach across the span and see if you can’t bridge the distance.

2.  Be willing to open up.  Be the one who starts the discussion – just make sure it’s encouraging, building-up talk.  This isn’t the time to address all the things wrong with him, or what you’re unhappy about. Think of at least one small thing you can be thankful for and begin there.

3.   Please don’t give up.  No matter how discouraged you are with where you’re both at. Dig in for the long haul and determine to make it work.

4.   Slowly move together. In the same way you had slowly moved away. Lasting changes are often made incrementally and gently over time.  And before you know it, you’re looking back and seeing how far you’ve both come.

5.   Reach out for help.  Friends, we were not made to walk through this life alone. Call out to a friend, or a godly, older couple at your church that you can ask for help. Get professional counseling, if it’s necessary.  A wise, outside perspective can make all the difference in many cases.

6.   Pray for your marriage.  Ask God to renew your love for each other.  Ask Him to show you any blind spots or barriers that are between you. Pray with faith and pray for change. 

7.   Remember that you love each other.  Because sometimes we lose sight of that, don’t we? We get caught up in the busyness and pressures of daily life, that we forget that we actually like each other. That we used to be crazy-in-love with on another.

And when that happens?

Sometimes the best thing you can do is to take a little time out and time away to remind each other of those things that drew you together in the first place. And don’t wait for your 25th anniversary or that dream cruise to come about!  Instead, put aside a special time so the two of you can pull away and renew your love for one another.

And with that in mind . . . . . (are you ready for this?) . . . .

We’re offering a chance to win this fabulous Stay-at-Home Date Night Giveaway!

Stay-At-Home Date-Night Giveaway

Are you ready for an unforgettable date night? I’ve teamed up with some of my favorite bloggers to offer you one of the best stay-at-home date nights ever!

Alison of Pint-Sized Treasures

Crystal of Crystal & Co.

MaryEllen of ImperfectHomemaker

Becky of YourModernFamily

Melissa of AVirtuousWoman

And together we’ve put this HUGE package of date-night goodies that will arrive on your doorstep just in time for Valentine’s Day!

So what’s included in this amazing date night package?

Here’s the scoop!

Love jewelry? What woman doesn’t! Enjoy this $100 gift certificate to Luxe Design. They offer a fabulous selection of personalized and sentimental jewelry. They have a number of items that would be perfect for wives who wish to wear a tangible reminder of their choice to love their husband.

What’s Valentine’s Day without chocolate? Of course, we only included the very best for our readers — Godiva Truffles!

Are you a Dayspring fan? We are offering some super-fun gifts from them to celebrate your marriage! These will add the perfect pinch of romance and sentimentality to your at-home date with these gifts below:

Mr and Mrs. Coupon Book
Mr. and Mrs. Love Note Set
Love Never Fails Plaque

How about some items to help you freshen up for your date? Don’t worry, we thought about that too! The winner will enjoy the following products from a fun place to shop for moms — Zulily.

Liz Claiborne Spark Eau de Parfum
Adrienne Vittadini Bright Five-Piece Lip Gloss Set
City Color Cosmetics Vibrant Palette Makeup Set
Raspberry Foaming Milkshake Bubble Bath

For some awesome, inspirational reading, we are also including hard copies of the following books (look familiar? *wink):

100 Ways to Love Your Husband: A Life-Long Journey of Learning to Love (by Lisa Jacobson)
100 Ways to Love Your Wife: A Life-long Journey of Learning to Love (By Matthew Jacobson)

Since it’s Valentine’s Day, we thought you needed some extra sparkle!

Enjoy some extra shopping by choosing one gift from either of these stores (item will be shipped separately from the winner’s package):

Monarch Jewelry
JoJos

To finish it all off, enjoy a good scrub and long soak with these natural bath products. Get ready for some pampering with this AMAZING basket of goodies from Bend Soap Company.

3 Lotions
3 Soaps
1 Milk Bath in a bag
2 Travel Size soaps
2 soap dishes
1 Natural Loofah Pouch
1 Foot Scrub Brush
$25 Gift certificate

These goodies all come in a reusable stylish antique copper tin. Soaps and lotions are in the following fabulous scents: Oatmeal and Honey, Cranberry Wassail, English Garden, Lemon Verbena, Island Coconut, Sweet Orange, Almond Delight, Eucalyptus Spearmint, and High Desert Rain.

Bend Soap Company makes natural goat milk soaps and lotions on their farm in Bend, Oregon. Made with only the highest quality of ingredients, including farm fresh goat milk, coconut oil, olive oil, and palm oil. The luxurious, handmade products soothe dry skin and offer a nourishing elixir to the skin in place of the common commercial skin care products on the market.

Choose to Love Your Skin … One bar at a time with Bend Soap Company. Visit their website and order online at BendSoap.com

*Enter below for your chance to enter this HUGE Stay-at-home Date Night Package:
Happy Valentine’s Day!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

*Giveaway is for U.S. Residents only

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