Lisa Jacobson's Blog, page 43

How A Simple Kindness Can Change Your Marriage

So I had this really hard day.

Or, to be more accurate, I had a really hard week.

And I was close to tears by late afternoon.

He asked me what was wrong and I’m sorry to say that I snapped at him.

Was it not obvious? Hello…? You’d only have to take one look at all the pressures I’d been under the last five days.

He stared at me and I felt a bit of guilt for the hurt I saw there. Taking it out on him. Undeserved.

But not feeling guilty enough to apologize. I was too wrapped up in my own struggles.

I figured it was about to get ugly and, frankly, I had asked for it with my snotty attitude.

Then I saw his countenance visibly change – from offended to compassionate.

He didn’t exactly understand where I was coming from – but then again, he didn’t need to. What mattered was that I was in a bad place.

His eyes softened.

He reached out with a gentle touch.

Asked if I’d like run into town with him. A mini-errand date.

He also announced to the kids that Mommy was turning in early that night.

And then later ran a hot bubble bath for me.

So, yes, I did end up crying that evening, but these were very different tears. They were the tears that come when someone shows kindness to you that you didn’t necessarily deserve.

My husband is the hero in this story. But you know what? I learned something afresh.

I was reminded of the power of offering a simple act of kindness in a relationship.

Offering Kindness in Your Marriage

A loving look. Sometimes you don’t need to say anything at all. Just look at your spouse with loving eyes and communicate that you care and you’ll always be there.

A soft voice. It’s possible to completely turn around a situation by returning harsh or unjust words with a sweet response. A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger (Prov. 15:1).

An encouraging word. Often our meanest moments come from our own discouragement or feeling of defeat. Those are the times when we could most use a friend (or spouse!) to cheer us up with kind, uplifting words.

A gentle touch. Reaching for his hand, rubbing his knotted shoulders, a loving kiss – these small gestures can have a powerful effect on the one we love.

A thoughtful act. Going beyond the ordinary to do something special or meaningful to the other person when they are down, or “in a bad place”.

Like any skill, kindness must be practiced repeatedly and untiringly in order to really master it.

And, like any gift, it is not up to us to judge another person’s talent, but far better if we simply focused on developing our own.

So, I don’t know about you, but I’ve recently renewed my commitment to showing kindness to my husband.

Even in those times when he doesn’t necessarily deserve it.

Maybe even especially in those times.

Because kindness is simply changing our marriage.

*What kinds of things do you like to do to express kindness in your marriage? Please share! I’d love to get some ideas from you.

In His grace,

 (This post may contain affiliate links. Read my full disclosure.)

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Author informationLisaOwner at Club 31 Women

Lisa is the happily-ever-after wife of Matthew Jacobson and together they enjoy raising and home-educating their 8 children in the beautiful Pacific Northwest. She's also rather fond of dark chocolate, French press coffee, and deep friendships (though not necessarily in that order). She encourages women to embrace the rich life of loving relationships and the high calling of being a wife and mother. Lisa is the author of 100 Ways to Love Your Husband and her husband is the author of 100 Ways to Love Your Wife. They are also the authors of several children's books, including a winner of the C.S. Lewis Silver Medal for Children's Literature.

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What Every Daughter Desires to Hear from Her Mom

It’s not easy to define what success in a relationship means because relationship is a very fluid thing.

It moves and breathes.

It changes with time.

But I can tell you that my mother and I have a successful, close relationship. And I’m pretty sure this is one of the main proofs:

I’ll call her until the day she dies.

My mom and I talk as much as we can in our busy lives. When I traveled around Europe, as I prepare to move across the country—it doesn’t matter.  If we can’t talk in person, we use the phone.

You see, my mom is not just a “person” in my life. She is not just the woman who gave me birth, she is the woman who gave me life.

Because of my mom, I know I can fly. She is the first person I want to cry to and the first person who hears my good news.

So, this mother of mine asked me to write about what every daughter desires to hear from her mom.

And this is my answer—for all the women who were perfectly made to be the moms of their precious daughters:

I will listen.

It’s no secret that girls are usually talkers. We have lots to say, and even if we don’t initiate the conversation, it’s very likely we still have lots to say. If your girl is a talker: let her. If she is quiet, give her time and space to open up. Create opportunities for her to tell you the secret things.

I value you.

The power a mother has over self-esteem cannot be measured. It is limitless. Communicating and saying, I value who YOU are as a person, I value your gifts, I value who you were made to be, can change your daughter’s life. It can give strength to her soul. It will give her the strength to fly. Every girl is different. Value her, just for her.

You are my friend.

Your daughter will always have to face enemies. So make sure she knows you are her friend. Be on on her team. You are rooting for her. Include her in your life. Ask her advice. Tell her that you are going to be best friends for life. As she grows older, eventually, this can come true.

And lastly,

I love you…no matter what.

Love is transcendental. Love is safety. Love is approval. Give your daughter your love. Tell her. Show her. Approve of her with your looks. If she is different than you, rejoice in her giftings. Don’t try to make her like you.

So there it is.

And mamma, you just hang in there with that little girl. We grow up. But we will always need you.

Really, you have always been the perfect thing we needed.

~ Savoury Jacobson

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Author informationSavoury Jacobson

Savoury is the oldest daughter of Matthew and Lisa Jacobson. She is a young, Christian blogger who loves talking about new things with old souls. Her main passion is to inspire people to live free in a world that would put us all in chains. She has many interests ranging from classical music, to politics, to travel. She loves to think and write, but even more than that she loves to do. You can find more of Savoury over at her travel blog LiveFree.

You can also follow her on Instagram.

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Taco-Stuffed Zucchini Boats {& A World Full of Amazing Food}

The other day we spent the evening with my husband’s family celebrating one of his sister’s birthdays.

I love celebrating birthdays with our family because it is always such a sweet time of fellowship and really focusing on that person, making them feel special and loved.

Plus, my mother-in-love is an awesome cook, so that is always an added bonus.

Within the past year or so, some of the members of my husband’s family have been making some dietary changes. A lot of them suffer from migraines, and it helps to stay away from certain foods that are known as “migraine triggers.” Others have been trying to avoid dairy, red meat and wheat, for other dietary reasons, and look for options that work for them.

In fact, at this birthday party, I tried my first spoonful of rice-based ice cream, which actually was really good. It was one of those things where you keep going back for another taste because it is just interesting, but not in a bad way (I did, however, go for the milk-based ice cream in the end!).

A World Full of Amazing Food

I find this whole process kind of fascinating. The need to shape one’s food intake around specific dietary needs seems to be increasingly common as we learn more about where our food comes from and how it’s processed.

My family is blessed (at the moment) to not deal with any special dietary restrictions…other than the occasional pickiness (ahem, I’m lookin’ at you, red onions).

But, as someone who loves to cook and bring people together through food, I always kind of find it to be a fun challenge to tweak or find recipes that can be enjoyed by others – and often their dietary requirements are different from my own. It also doesn’t hurt if you are interested in serving in meal ministry to have a few recipes in your back pocket that can be enjoyed by others. (Psalm 34:8)

God is full of creativity. He paints the skies with beautiful sunrises and sunsets, has created an amazing variety of living creatures, continually is creating and designing babies in the womb (let’s not forget about our individual fingerprints), but He has given us a world full of amazing food and unique flavors that can be combined with other foods to create even more depth and flavor. (Genesis 1:29-30)

When foods that we’ve loved get taken away (or maybe we’ve never even been able to eat them), it is just another opportunity to discover ways in which God provides for us. (Luke 12:24)

We may not understand why our bodies can’t handle certain ingredients, but it does allow us a chance to get creative, learn, and grow and experience new parts of culinary creation we might have otherwise missed, while also becoming more capable of being sensitive to the needs of others. 

Taco-Stuffed Zucchini Boats

Today, I want to share with you one of my favorite recipes, Taco Stuffed Zucchini Boats.

It is one of those recipes you can prep ahead of time and cook closer to dinner if you like (which is perfect for meal ministry), or you can cook the whole thing and reheat it later. I’ve prepared it both ways and the end result is always yummy.

I like this because you can choose the protein. I used ground turkey, but ground beef, ground or rotisserie chicken or even your favorite combo of beans would work great, too. There isn’t any flour or corn, because the tortilla is a vegetable boat which can be completely devoured, and I promise . . . it will be. It is delicious!

*How has God provided for you lately?

~ Chels {Catz in the Kitchen}

Print Taco Stuffed Zucchini Boats Author: Gina at Skinnytaste.com Serves: 4 servings   Craving some pseudo-Latin cheesy goodness without the accompanying calorie intake? These tasty and fun zucchini boats are just the ticket! Ingredients 4 medium zucchinis, cut in half lengthwise ¼ cup mild salsa 1 lb lean ground turkey (I used 85% lean) 1 tsp garlic powder 1 tsp cumin 1 tsp kosher salt 1 tsp chili powder 1 tsp paprika ½ tsp oregano ½ small onion, diced finely 2 TB green bell pepper, diced finely 4 oz tomato sauce ¼ cup water ½ cup reduced fat Mexican blend shredded cheese ¼ cup chopped cilantro, for topping Instructions Bring a large pot of water to a boil. Add a pinch of salt. Hollow out the zucchini halves using a spoon, leaving a ¼ inch thick shell on each. Chop the scooped out flesh of the zucchini into small pieces. Discard all but ¾ cup (or save for another recipe). Squeeze out any excess water using paper towels. Boil zucchini halves for 1 minute, then remove and set aside. Preheat over to 400 degrees. Brown turkey in a large skillet, breaking up any chunks. When browned, add spices and mix well. Add bell pepper, onion, zucchini flesh, water, and tomato sauce. Stir and cover. Simmer on low heat for 20 min, stirring occasionally. Place ¼ cup of salsa in the bottom of an 11x13 baking dish. Use a ⅓ cup measuring cup to fill the hollowed zucchini boats with the turkey mixture, dividing equally (about a ⅓ cup in each). Top each zucchini boat with 1 tbsp of shredded cheese. Cover with foil. Bake for 35 min, or until cheese is melted and zucchini is cooked through. Top with fresh, chopped cilantro. If planning to reheat later, add cilantro after reheating at 400 degrees for approximately 20 min. Nutrition Information Calories: 278 Fat: 12 #version#

Author informationChelsia Rief

Chels is a born-again believer who dreams of living with all four seasons in Central Oregon. She's a wife and stay at home mom to her three vivacious kiddos whom she home schools. When she's not schooling or chasing after her munchkins, she enjoys reading, bubble baths, and finding clothing/kitchen treasure at thrift stores. But more than all of that, she finds refuge in her kitchen where she and her husband can be found cooking and baking up a storm for their family and friends. You can read more about her culinary endeavors at CatzintheKitchen.com.

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A Mother’s Guide to Bedtime Prayer for Your Child

As a child I prayed the same prayer every night.

You might know it, and maybe you prayed this as well.

“Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I should die before I wake I pray the Lord my soul to take.”

Then came the creepy part about the 3 little angels around my head.

“Three little angels around my head, one to watch, one to pray, and one to carry my soul away.”

I didn’t give this prayer much thought. I had said it so many times that the words came without them meaning much to me.

Now I have children of my own and every night we tuck them into bed, answer questions, get drinks, give kisses and, we pray with them. This is important because we want our children to know that we love them, that God is in control, and that we are forever dependent on Him for life now and in eternity.

What are some things that we can pray over our children? How can we intercede for them before the throne of grace?

I find Psalm 28 to be a helpful guide in praying for my children.

A Mother’s Guide to Bedtime Prayer
Save your people, and bless your inheritance: feed them also, and lift them up forever.”

Psalm 28:9
“Save them”

Our children, like us, need the saving grace of our Lord. This should be a prayer they hear us pray for them all the time. That God would give them a heart that beats with love for Him and perseveres in faith.  Additionally our children need continual saving (as do we). They need God to save them from the evil found in the world, in other people, and even from the foolishness that lurks in their own little hearts.

“Bless your inheritance”

Those who belong to Christ are his heirs. I do not know if all my children have placed their trust in Jesus yet. Some kids can very clearly and very early on articulate their faith in Christ, while others take a while for the fruit of their faith to be seen. We pray with anticipation and hope that God will save our children and so we also pray that God would in turn bless them.

We should desire that God bless our children with all the wonderful things spoken of in the Bible. We ask God to bless our children with mercy and an abundance of grace. We ask that God bless them with knowledge and wisdom regarding His Word as well as a love that starts with Himself and flows into the life of other people.

“feed them”

Jesus said that His the bread of life (Jn 6:35) and a well of living water (Jn 7:37). Anyone who comes to Him will find a satisfaction that the world does not posses. I want this for my kids, don’t you? No matter what God has in store for them during their lifetime, I want them to be fully satisfied in Jesus.

I also pray that the Holy Spirit would use the Scriptures to feed their souls. I don’t just want my kids to have a rudimentary knowledge of the Word of God. I want them to KNOW it, and I don’t just mean have a bunch of verses memorized. I pray that through the study of the Scriptures they would get to know the God who has revealed Himself through its pages. I especially want them to know His character and His promises.

“lift them up”

The world says that we are to lift ourselves up and that it is okay to boast about our accomplishments. What we have, who we are, and what we look like are all things that we should use to exalt ourselves, but God tell us the opposite. He has said that He opposes the proud but will lift up the humble.

I want my kids to be humble boys and girls who look to the only One who holds the true position of exaltation.

Sometimes it is easy to just rattle off a shallow bedtime prayer, and believe me, I am guilty of doing this way too often. But  I want my children hear me pray for them in very specific ways, that go beyond “thank you for a good day and help us all sleep well” ( though there are evenings when that is all I have energy for).

I want my children to learn that the Lord is real, that He saves, sanctifies, and satisfies.

In praying with and for my children they begin to get glimpses of this very truth.

Let’s Talk:

What are some of your favorite bed time routines?

In what ways do you want God to work in the life of your children?

Blessings,

Jen

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Author informationJen ThornContributor

I grew up in Germany and spent a few years as a missionary kid in Africa. I ended up at Moody Bible Institute where I met my husband and best friend. We have been married 16 years and have 2 boys and 2 girls. I love theology and have a passion to help women take their walk with God to a deeper level. You can find Jen on her blog,

 JenThorn.com.

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Aging Grace: The Day My Smile Lines Made Me Cry

It started with the mirror.

That strange place that can bring so many tears to so many women.

I had been getting ready for the day – drying my hair and applying mascara (but not necessarily at the same time) – when our oldest daughter popped in for a visit.

Her nearly daily ritual.

Savoury often sits on the edge of the tub and watches me while I get myself ready and we chat.  She’s had this same routine since she was a bitty girl.

Although now she’s 19 and all grown up and, yet, still she comes in.

So we talk – more about women things than girls’ things these days.

And that’s when I saw it.

Saw them, really.

All those swirly lines around the edge of my face.

Surely, they’d been there for some time, but it wasn’t until that morning that I saw them so clearly. So defined. Glaring at me.

Smile lines.

Small creases on either side of my mouth. And a few more around my eyes because I tend to squinch up my eyes when I smile or laugh.

Some people call these wrinkles. Or fine lines.

But whatever they are, everyone knows they’re not supposed to be very nice.

So I scowled at the very sight of them.

But not my Savoury.

She smiled big.

Grinning at me from behind the mirror,  she wrapped her arms around me and said this:

Oh, Mom, when we were young, you used to say you wanted smile lines when you got older and so you were determined to practice smiling so that’s what you would end up with.  And now you’ve got them – just like you’d always wanted!

Just like I’d always wanted . . . .

It’s funny that I’d forgotten about that wish of mine over the past few years. Life had become busy and I’d had no time to worry—about either happy or unhappy lines. No time to really think about wrinkles at all.

But it’s true: I used to dread  that I’d end up with frowny lines. Deep creases between my eyebrows and downturned lines around my mouth.  The natural consequence of a negative, unhappy attitude. Ugliness.

So I’d practiced smiling.

And now the results were in. And it would seem that there’d been a lot of smiling going on to get those kinds of lines . . . and so many of them.

I looked into the mirror and my eyes filled with tears.

Right there with with my now-grown-up-little-girl watching me.

A strange mix of happy and sad. Young and old. Past and future. Lined and unlined. All mingled together as we sat side-by-side on the edge of the bathtub.

Realizing I got what I’d always wanted. 

Aging Grace
And how about you? Are you practicing now for those lines that will come later?

Maybe you’re young and your skin is still smooth and fresh. Or you’re already a ways down that road. Maybe you don’t want to think about wrinkles at all. Ever.

But they do come.

No matter what the world tells you, or how our culture seeks to defy it.

They show up no matter what creams and lotions you try or how you attempt to avoid it.

And can I just tell you something? The honest truth?

They’re not really as bad as they make it seem.

Besides, if that’s the price you pay for smiling? For laughing and crying with the people you love?

Then I’d say they’re worth it—more than worth it.

So smile away, my friend! Because, after all, isn’t that what we really want? 

Aging grace. 

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Author informationLisaOwner at Club 31 Women

Lisa is the happily-ever-after wife of Matthew Jacobson and together they enjoy raising and home-educating their 8 children in the beautiful Pacific Northwest. She's also rather fond of dark chocolate, French press coffee, and deep friendships (though not necessarily in that order). She encourages women to embrace the rich life of loving relationships and the high calling of being a wife and mother. Lisa is the author of 100 Ways to Love Your Husband and her husband is the author of 100 Ways to Love Your Wife. They are also the authors of several children's books, including a winner of the C.S. Lewis Silver Medal for Children's Literature.

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The Inside Scoop: How A Mother of 8 Keeps Her House Clean {or at least tidy}

I’m always surprised at how often this subject comes up.

You’d think that as an older (*Ahem….Did I just say that?) and experienced mom that I’d be asked deeper questions. Things like, “How do you reach your children’s hearts?” or “What is the most important lesson you’ve passed on to your kids?” That kind of thing.

But no. It’s “How in the world you do manage to keep your house clean with all those kids?”

Who would have guessed that “a clean house” would be such a basic and monumental challenge for mothers everywhere?

So because we’re friends, I’m going to give you the inside scoop of my little tricks and tips of keeping a tidy home. Here goes . . . .

The Inside Scoop
Our kids don’t have toys.

Yeah, I’m totally serious. Other than the few exceptions of Legos and Playmobile and a favorite dolly or two, our children don’t really own many toys. And please don’t think they’re deprived because if you ever met them? That’s one of the last words you’d use to describe them. Instead, our kids play with blankets, rolls of Duct tape, cardboard, ropes, and bandannas.  They build forts and jump on the trampoline. They’re responsible for making their own fun and I’m always amazed at what they come up with!

Stay on top of the kitchen.

Be ruthless. Clean up after every meal as if your life depended on it. Never go to bed with dishes undone, if you can help it.

Pick one main living area that is a Stuff-Free Zone.

I LOVE this one! I do not try to keep my entire home clean. Repeat: I do NOT try to keep my entire home clean, but I love having an area that no one – no one! – is allowed to dump their junk, school papers, etc. or they will pay dearly (I’m not as mean as I sound, but you get the idea).

There are many benefits to this approach, but one is that I can go to this room when I’m overwhelmed with the state of the rest of the house and recover my peace. Another important benefit is if people drop by unexpectedly (which happens surprisingly often!), I can at least – somewhat confidently – invite them to this room.

Our kids help out.

A lot. Our children have regular responsibilities around the house, plus I wouldn’t hesitate to ask for extra hands when they’re needed.

Get organized.

Taking the time to put together a basic cleaning schedule – what gets done and when (and in our house, by whom) – goes a long way in keeping the sanity. Just to give you an example: in our house the boys clean up the breakfast dishes, I vacuum every morning after school (we homeschool), and Wednesdays and Saturdays are our big all-house “cleaning days”.  Stuff like that.

Turn up the music.

If you walk by our house and can hear the music clear from the road? Then we’re probably either having a party . . . or, more likely, cleaning the house. We can get so much more done with a fast beat and a song in our heart! So crank it up.

Let some things go.

This one is going to pain some of my neat-freak friends. But I can’t keep everything clean. There, I said it! A long time ago, I realized that if I was going to be a relaxed, fun mom that I just couldn’t keep it all together. Or at least all at the same time.

So if you ever come visit me and sneak past my Stuff-Free Living Room, and venture upstairs to the Movie Room/Recreational Room? You’ll find junk. Maybe even last night’s popcorn bowls left out on the floor. Sigh. I’ll work on that area some day . . . maybe when the kids are gone.

And there you have it! A tour of my house and a little peak into my closets.

Ugh, speaking of closets . . .  I need to clean those out!

Happy Spring-Cleaning my friends!

*Okay, I went first. What about you? What are some of your best tips and tricks? I’m always looking for new ideas!

In His grace

 

 (This post may contain affiliate links. Read my full disclosure.)

*If you would like these posts delivered directly to your inbox, simply subscribe below (and get 2 FREE eBooks, The 7 Habits of a Highly Fulfilling Marriage and Raising Heavenly-Minded, Down-to-Earth Kids).

Author informationLisaOwner at Club 31 Women

Lisa is the happily-ever-after wife of Matthew Jacobson and together they enjoy raising and home-educating their 8 children in the beautiful Pacific Northwest. She's also rather fond of dark chocolate, French press coffee, and deep friendships (though not necessarily in that order). She encourages women to embrace the rich life of loving relationships and the high calling of being a wife and mother. Lisa is the author of 100 Ways to Love Your Husband and her husband is the author of 100 Ways to Love Your Wife. They are also the authors of several children's books, including a winner of the C.S. Lewis Silver Medal for Children's Literature.

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Your S.W.E.E.T. Guide to Marriage Communication

I have the wonderful privilege of working alongside my husband, each and every day.

We both sit here with our desks set just right so we can look at each other, share our Paraguayan tea (terere), throw out tidbits of news or input, ask a question, and get into deep discussions.

Marriage is . . . an amazing adventure and a significant challenge. (Lisa Jacobson)

There was one particular day, as we sat at our desks that he laid back in his chair with his feet propped up, and I knew he wanted to discuss something that was on his mind. Being married for almost 14 years, you learn about your spouse and I knew his posture well, this was not going to be a short conversation.

We began talking about a particular issue, yet – instead of guarding my words right from the beginning – I let them roll, one after another.

My words were not supportive, as I pointed out his failures.

My words were not wise. Instead, I compared him to another.

My words did not edify my husband.

My words did not encourage him, but hurt him.

My words did not communicate thankfulness, for this amazing man who God gave me.

And when his words came back in response to mine, they stung me. His words hurt deep. There were words that I never thought I would hear from this husband of mine.

I never imagined that once he leaned back in his chair to talk, it would have ended in a war of words and one hurting the other and vice versa, but that is exactly what happened.

And, of course, here is where I would like to say that we asked for forgiveness when we finished the discussion . . . but we didn’t.

My husband went back to his work on the computer, and I went off to find something to organize or clean. The discussion was over, and it was not going to get any better if we did not part for some time.

Later in the day, we did forgive each other, and once again, we were ready to move forward in our marriage.

There are two things that I want to bring out with this story.

I first want to emphasize that my husband and I struggle like any other husband and wife. We may be missionaries overseas, but we are far from perfect. We daily have to decide to be committed to our relationship, because marriage “… requires that you invest heavily in your relationship.” (L. Jacobson)

Secondly, I see the importance of investing in my speech. Ephesians 4:29 says, Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

Your  S-W-E-E-T Guide to Marriage Communication
*Are my words supportive?

“Express enthusiasm for his plans and ideas.” (L. Jacobson)

*Are my words wise?

“A wise woman knows when she should wait to speak or never mention it at all.” (L. Jacobson)

*Are my words encouraging?

“Kind words can have such a powerful impact on your marriage.” (L. Jacobson)

*Are my words edifying?

“Speak only those things that EDIFY.” (L. Jacobson)

*Are my words thankful?

“Babe, you’re the champion of my heart. A true winner. And I thank God for you.” (L. Jacobson)

Now, friend, there is nothing magic about what I am sharing.  I know that there will still be wars of words, because life just isn’t that simple. Yet as I grow as a wife who loves her husband, I know that to be sweet with my words is a few ways to say “I love you” and I value our marriage relationship.

Marriage truly is “a life-long journey of learning to love each other” and Lisa Jacobson’s book, 100 Ways to Love Your Husband, was a wonderful tool to help me on my journey of loving my man!

*Will you join me in not only applying these 5 S-W-E-E-T guide words as you communicate with your spouse, but also read Lisa’s book and be challenged to love your husband more?

Serving Him wholeheartedly,

Trisha Goddard

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In Paperback: 100 Ways To Love Your Husband
On Kindle: 100 Ways to Love Your Husband

 

**********************
 Now in Spanish
We’re very excited to announce that 100 Ways to Love Your Husband and 100 Ways to Love Your Wife  are now available in Spanish as well!

In Paperback:  100 Maneras de Amar a Su Esposo
On Kindle:  100 Maneras de Amar a Su Esposo

*This same article can also be found in Spanish: Un Guía Dulce para Comunicarme con mi Esposo.

Trisha is a born again believer, created and called to express her faith through love, especially by finding ways to serve her family and women in ministry. Trisha enjoys traveling and reading. She is married to Mike, and they have three children. They live in Paraguay, where they have served in ministry since 2004.

You can read more about Trisha on their website: www.mtgoddard.com .

The post Your S.W.E.E.T. Guide to Marriage Communication appeared first on Club 31 Women.

Un Guía Dulce para Comunicarme con mi Esposo {A S.W.E.E.T. Guide to Communication with My Husband}

Tengo el maravilloso privilegio de trabajar junto a mi esposo cada día. Ambos nos sentamos en nuestros escritorios, colocados de forma que podamos vernos, compartimos nuestro tereré, lanzamos ideas y aportes, hacemos preguntas y nos sumergimos en discusiones profundas.

Es “…una aventura increíble y un desafío significativo.” (L. Jacobson)

Hubo un día en particular en el que, al sentarnos en nuestros escritorios, él se recostó en su silla con los pies levantados y yo supe que quería discutir algo que había en su mente. Al estar casada durante casi 14 años, aprendes sobre tu esposo y yo conozco bien esa postura, no iba a ser una conversación corta.

Comenzamos hablando sobre un tema en particular, pero, en lugar de guardar mis palabras desde el principio, las dejé salir, una tras otra.

Mis palabras no eran de apoyo, sino que apuntaban sus fallos.

Mis palabras no eran sabias. En lugar de eso, lo comparé con otra persona.

Mis palabras no edificaron a mi esposo.

Mis palabras no lo animaron, sino que le hirieron.

Mis palabras no comunicaban gratitud por este hombre maravilloso que Dios me dio.

Y cuando sus palabras llegaron como respuesta a las mías, se clavaron en mí. Sus palabras me hirieron profundamente. Hubo palabras que nunca pensé que escucharía de mi esposo.

Nunca imaginé que, una vez que se recostó en su silla para hablar, terminaríamos en una guerra de palabras una más hiriente que otra, pero eso es exactamente lo que sucedió.

Y, por supuesto, es ahí donde me gustaría decir que nos pedimos perdón cuando terminamos la discusión, pero no lo hicimos. Mi marido volvió a trabajar en su computadora y yo salí a buscar algo para organizar o limpiar. La discusión había terminado, y las cosas no iban a mejorar si no nos separábamos un poco.

Más tarde ese día, nos perdonamos uno al otro y, una vez más, estuvimos listos para avanzar en nuestro matrimonio.

Hay dos cosas que quiero destacar con esta historia.

En primer lugar, quiero enfatizar que mi esposo y yo luchamos como cualquier otro marido y mujer. Podemos ser misioneros en el extranjero, pero estamos lejos de ser perfectos. Diariamente tenemos que decidir comprometernos con nuestra relación porque el matrimonio…”requiere que inviertas fuertemente en tu relación”. (L. Jacobson)

En segundo lugar, veo la importancia de invertir en mi forma de hablar. Efesios 4:39 dice, “Ninguna palabra corrompida salga de vuestra boca,  sino la que sea buena para la necesaria edificación,  a fin de dar gracia a los oyentes.”

Se me ocurrieron un guía dulce para aplicar a la hora de comunicarme con mi esposo, ¡y pensé que también podían ayudarte a ti!
¿Mis palabras son de apoyo?

“Expresa entusiasmo por sus planes e ideas.” (L. Jacobson)

¿Mis palabras son sabias?

“Una mujer sabia sabe cuándo debería esperar para hablar o nunca mencionar algo.” (L. Jacobson)

¿Mis palabras son de ánimo?

“Las palabras amables pueden tener un poderoso impacto en tu matrimonio.” (L. Jacobson)

¿Mis palabras edifican?

“Habla solo de aquellas cosas que edifican.” (L. Jacobson)

¿Mis palabras son de gratitud?

“Querido, eres el campeón de mi corazón. Un verdadero ganador. Y agradezco a Dios por ti.” (L. Jacobson)

Ahora, amiga, no hay nada mágico en lo que estoy compartiendo. Sé que aún habrá guerras de palabras porque la vida no es así de simple. Pero al ir creciendo como una esposa que ama a su marido, sé que ser dulce con mis palabras es una de las maneras en las que puedo decir “te amo” y valorar nuestra relación matrimonial.

El matrimonio es “un largo viaje para aprender a amarse el uno al otro” y el libro de Lisa Jacobson “100 Maneras de Amar a Tu Esposo”, ¡fue una maravillosa herramienta que me ayudó en mi viaje de amar a mi hombre!

¿Me acompañarás no solo a aplicar estas 5 palabras al comunicarte con tu esposo, sino también a leer el libro de Lisa y ser desafiada a amar más a tu marido?

Sirviendo al Señor incondicionalmente,

Trisha Goddard

(This post may contain affiliate links. Read my full disclosure.)

In Paperback:  100 Maneras de Amar a Su Esposo
On Kindle:  100 Maneras de Amar a Su Esposo

In Paperback:  100 Maneras de Amar a Su Esposa


On Kindle:  100 Maneras de Amar a Su Esposa

Trisha es una creyente, creada y llamada para expresar su fe a través del amor, especialmente al encontrar formas de servir a su familia y a las mujeres en el ministerio. A Trisha le gusta viajar y leer. Está casada con Mike y tienen tres hijos. Viven el Paraguay, donde sirven a Dios desde el 2004.

Puedes encontrar más sobre su ministerio aquí: www.mtgoddard.com .

The post Un Guía Dulce para Comunicarme con mi Esposo {A S.W.E.E.T. Guide to Communication with My Husband} appeared first on Club 31 Women.

The Answer to that One Question He Really Wants to Know

At 7:30 p.m. my son was leaving the house for a dodgeball intramural tournament at school. (Can you imagine doing that for fun?)

Mom, if I brought laundry down…he said.

Oh no. Please don’t tell me you need your choir outfit for tomorrow’s concert, and you’re just now thinking about it, I said.

Well . . . he said.

This does happen at your house?

But he’s my baby, and he’s about to graduate, so I was gracious. Soon he was off to play, and I was bent over his hamper of dirty clothes.

My husband came downstairs to visit with me while I sorted.

He should do this laundry himself, he said.

Probably, I said.

It was quiet for a minute.

When he’s gone, will I be enough for you?  he said.

I looked up quickly.

Of course! I said.

I looked back down at the bright green sock in the hamper.

But maybe right now isn’t the best time to ask me, I said. Then I was staring up at him with tears pooling in my eyes.

Oh baby, he said, and I was wrapped in his arms.

Soon we were upstairs snuggling on the couch, and Matt picked up his Nexus. In the fall, our church had gifted us with a weekend get-away, to honor Matt for 10 years of service. We decided we would use the gift soon, while our son was gone on choir tour.

Do you want to help me choose what kind of room we get? he asked, typing the resort name into the search bar.

Do you want a fireplace? (People in Montana still need to consider this in April.)

Do you want a lake view?

As we dreamed about an extravagant two nights away, it wasn’t hard to imagine that the answer was yes.

He would be enough for me.

I woke up in the night thinking about Matt’s question to me, but this time I could hear Jesus speaking.

Am I enough for you?

Paul writes to the church in Ephesus about wives and husbands, but at the end of his talk he says:

This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. (Ephesians 5:32 ESV)

This relationship we have with our husbands is an echo of the relationship Christ has with His followers.

I can see myself bent over the laundry hampers and the cold lunch boxes and the reading logs that need signed, caring for my children day after day for a few decades. Loving them with all these little chores I do. But always there is this question.

Will I be enough for you?

And I need to say yes to my husband, because in this I learn to say yes to Christ.

We have to get good at this, my husband said to me a few years ago. We have to be good at enjoying each other, because pretty soon the kids will be gone from home.

So we’ve been practicing.

Going on dates.

Laughing over silly things.

Holding hands.

This is marriage.

And marriage is the picture of what it means to know Christ –working to find joy in our relationship with Him and looking to Him to fill the deep places of the soul.

May we be women with satisfied hearts.

~ Christy Fitzwater

*So what are some of the ways you’ve been “practicing” at getting good at enjoying each other? 

 (This post may contain affiliate links. Read my full disclosure.)

*If you would like these posts delivered directly to your inbox, simply subscribe below (and get 2 FREE eBooks, The 7 Habits of a Highly Fulfilling Marriage and Raising Heavenly-Minded, Down-to-Earth Kids).

Author informationChristy FitzwaterContributor at ChristyFitzwater.com

Christy Fitzwater is a pastor’s wife living in Kalispell, Montana. She is the mother of a son in high school and a daughter who was recently married. She enjoys when the days get shorter and the weather nasty so she doesn’t feel guilty about not going outside. Days where she can just read books and write words all day. She can even tell you the plots of 15 missionary biographies without batting an eye. You can read her personal blog at ChristyFitzwater.

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Bringing Up Children Who Have a Heart to Serve

In the beginning, I did everything myself.

Mom was faster.

Better.

And more efficient.

I did things right. The way things should be done.

Oh, and, of course, I was serving my family all the while. I was the sacrificial mom who cooked, laundered, and cleaned up after everyone.

Most every job was done by me.

And, as a “shining model” of service, I counted on my children to eventually follow my example. It was obvious that I worked hard and did my best to please our family.

So wouldn’t they just naturally follow in my footsteps?

More is caught than taught, right?

But you know something? They didn’t catch on like I thought they would. They really enjoyed being served . . . and it kind of stopped there.

I was a good giver and they were good takers.

Um. Problem.

Sure, I was growing a ton by giving to them, but what were they learning? To receive. Not necessarily the hardest lesson for a child to learn.

So is that what I wanted to teach to my children? To be served?

Maybe I thought I was blessing my children with all my constant pouring out and cleaning up after them. But in the process, I was depriving them of the opportunity of serving their family. Yes, even of serving their mom.

Our children had yet to learn the beautiful lesson of blessing others.

Now just to be clear: this wasn’t about making my life easier. It wasn’t about them doing more so I could do less. This wasn’t about me at all. It was about them and what they needed.

And what they needed was to learn to have a heart to serve.

Bringing Up Children to Have a Heart to Serve

Start by letting them work alongside you. Then, as you go along, teach them more than the mere skills of service, but the spirit of service. Talk about how pleasant it is to serve your family…as you’re folding clothes, baking muffins, or cleaning the kitchen. It’s not only a job to be completed, it’s a blessing to offer.

Teach your children to notice what needs to be done. To me it’s obvious that her little brother should have his face wiped up, but it’s not as evident to her young eyes. I have to point it out and then give her a chance to care for him.

Or prompt with, “Do you think your sister might want a glass of milk too?” rather than taking care of it myself. Although that would be easier and faster (and less chance of breakage).

Or, “Wouldn’t it be nice for daddy to come home to a clean house? Let’s surprise him by picking up the toys.” Rather than simply ordering the living room to be picked up.

Let them enjoy helping out. Show them the rewards of their service. “Isn’t it wonderful to be able to bless others by serving them like this?” Encourage them to see that helping others is not only the “right thing” to do, it’s a joy.

Instruct them in how they can be a help to you. Train them to ask, “What can I do for you, Mama?” Not waiting to be told what to do, but to actively look for ways they can help you. Then let them feel your pleasure when they’ve served you in some special way.

Cheer them on as they learn to serve. Take a moment to recognize their effort to help – no matter what the result. If they’ve spilled something or broken a glass in the process? It’s not nearly as important as them trying to help. What we care about is their heart to serve.

So this mom is not doing it all by herself anymore. We’re working on serving together.

Yeah, it’s slower, messier, and less efficient.

But, oh, so much sweeter.

In His grace

 

 (This post may contain affiliate links. Read my full disclosure.)

*If you would like these posts delivered directly to your inbox, simply subscribe below (and get 2 FREE eBooks, The 7 Habits of a Highly Fulfilling Marriage and Raising Heavenly-Minded, Down-to-Earth Kids).

Author informationLisaOwner at Club 31 Women

Lisa is the happily-ever-after wife of Matthew Jacobson and together they enjoy raising and home-educating their 8 children in the beautiful Pacific Northwest. She's also rather fond of dark chocolate, French press coffee, and deep friendships (though not necessarily in that order). She encourages women to embrace the rich life of loving relationships and the high calling of being a wife and mother. Lisa is the author of 100 Ways to Love Your Husband and her husband is the author of 100 Ways to Love Your Wife. They are also the authors of several children's books, including a winner of the C.S. Lewis Silver Medal for Children's Literature.

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