S.R. Crawford's Blog, page 48

3 Lists to Make to Know Yourself Better

It’s probably no secret that I love making lists! Making lists sort of soothes me. It organises my chaotic mind! And to anyone who is like me, I do encourage list-making in order to organise your mind, too.

Lists are easily digestible. It’s a way of looking at something quickly and taking in that information. And so, just to begin, here are 3 great lists to make to know yourself better and organise your mind/who you are…

 

What makes you happy?

It’s important to know what brings you joy. Anyone who doesn’t know what makes them happy is at risk of not bringing themselves joy! I mean, life will bring us joy naturally, but there will be moments when we need to make it happen for ourselves.

Say you have a day off from work or something. What are you going to do? Some people twiddle their thumbs and feel uneasy; I think this may be because they don’t have any hobbies or interests, or don’t know what they like! And what a shame that is?

So, now, go ahead and think up a great long list of things that bring you joy.

The first cup of coffee in the morning
Crisp Autumn walks
Writing in a coffee shop with ambient sounds playing on your headphones
A new album from your favourite recording artist
A new book
Baggy jumpers

 

What makes you sad?

Just as it’s important to know what makes you happy, you should know what makes you sad. Not so that you can make yourself sad on purpose, of course! But because it’s good to know what your triggers are. What situations, people, or tasks make you feel low.

That way, you can either reduce these things, or you can better deal with them because you are prepared. You are aware of the fact that it makes you feel sad, and so you can approach it differently or pad that situation with happy things around it to make you feel less sad for less time and feel more balanced.

When I am struggling to write
Talking about my dad
The past
When someone questions my ideas or beliefs harshly
When I haven’t slept well
Deep Winter
High anxiety
Overwhelm and high stress
The pain of my loved ones

 

What makes you anxious/afraid?

And lastly, it is important to know what makes you feel deep fear. What makes you anxious, afraid, unsure, and shook? This isn’t spiders or heights, though you can add them to the list if you wish; go deeper.

What specific things make you feel very uneasy? What gets your heart racing?

Knowing these things helps you because it means you can again foresee the coming of worry and prepare for it or brace yourself. You can choose to work on or confront your fears to reduce them through brave steps. You can just know yourself better and that’s always a great thing.

Knowing what you’re afraid of can give you power over yourself and your mind, rather than being thrown off whenever something happens.

Unexpected changes
Crowds and groups of people
Social events
Travelling
The future
Tiredness or Hunger
Situations outside of my control
Deadlines
Waiting on something

 

Knowing yourself is life-changing. I feel like the last 3 years or so has been about learning to know myself better. This helps me in ways that are hard to explain. It’s just about confidence, power, truth, and self-worth.

Knowing who you are gives you strength and awareness and I will always advocate for that.

Elements of Spirituality

Ever wondered about spirituality and what it involves? Ever wanted to be more spiritual as part of your personal growth or healing journey? Ever wondered what the components of spirituality are and how you can to be more spiritual?

Here are my ideas about spirituality and what it involves thus far on my own journey…

 

Openmindedness

Spirituality must involve being open. Open to ideas, options and solutions that you’d never considered before. Open to learning and teachings from all sources. Open to possibilities and unexplainable circumstances. Just being open and welcoming to life and the unknown.

If you can open your mind, heart and spirit to all things, you are in a good position to deepen your spirituality.

 

Openmindedness must include trust…

 

Trust

Trust is about letting go of control or the need to be certain. Trusting that even with letting go, you will be steered or alerted as needed when you are in a place of trust. This isn’t about indecision or inaction; it is about knowing and believing that deep down you will be guided when the time is right.

Some things in life can’t be thought-about to the point of resolution, and so, we must surrender and trust instead.

 

Trusting includes a belief in a higher intelligence…

 

Higher intelligence

You must believe in something greater. Not just a God or the Universe, but just something outside of your consciousness that knows more than you do. This could be your intuition, your spirit, your inner sense of knowing that it often clouded by logic, reason, emotions or subconscious thought.

Some things are unexplainable. How we just “knew” that we should do something but can’t explain why. This is higher intelligence.

 

To channel or connect with a higher intelligence, you may need a practice…

 

Practice

Spirituality for many people involves some sort of practice that connects them to their beliefs and inner-world. Something to create a tether or a link, if you like, between your awareness and a higher force or deeper knowledge.

This could be things like meditations, prayer, yoga, journaling, walking, mindfulness, breathwork, or other (there are many options). These practices are personal and important for feeling in-tune with your spiritual self.

 

Your chosen practice may help to shift and widen your perspective…

 

Perspective

Having a spiritual practice and awareness has helped me to deepen and widen my own perspective. To consider life, the world, other people, and myself from all angles. There aren’t just two sides to a story; there are many. Layers upon layers come together to create our perceived reality, all of which are subjective because they are altered by our own experiences and emotions.

No two people look at something and see or feel the exact same thing.

Spirituality involves considering perspectives and multiple truths in life. As I said, to be open to possibilities and the layers to who we are and what we do in this world.

 

Your open perspective in life should leave you in a state of awe and appreciation…

 

Awe and appreciation

My own spiritual journey has helped to open my eyes. To open my heart and soul to deeper meanings and the beauty all around and within me. Seeing this brings me joy and leaves me in awe of the world.

I now appreciate the beauty of others. The possibilities of life. Crying at everything from a mountain to a movie means my heart is open; I see the beauty and wonder, and I am left appreciative and in awe of it all.

 

Your sense of awe will give you a greater sense of hope…

 

Hope

And then when you are open, trusting, aware of higher intelligence, practising regularly, shifting your perspective, and are in awe of life, you will be filled with hope.

A hope that things can get better. Hope in humanity. Hope in the possibilities. Hope in your own abilities. Hope that you will live a very good life and be supported in many ways along your journey.

 

For me to feel hope, I need a few things:

A tether to the light, the good (something that makes me happy, like reading or writing or loved ones)
A support system around me
Trust in the future
Trust in myself
Options (to know that I can choose something else)

There is no hopelessness when you believe in something greater than you. A grand plan, a helping hand, a higher intelligence, or a happy ending. No, the happy ending may not be what you thought or wanted, but it can still be happy when you shift your perspective and are open to its possibilities.

All we really, truly need in life is food and water, shelter and companionship. If you have these then you are lucky. Your needs are met and there is definitely hope to be had.

When I am feeling more spiritual, I am filled with more hope and trust. If you are struggling with hope, then spirituality may be the thing for you.

 

Let me know if you have any advice for me and the other people who are on a spiritual journey right now.

Good luck x

 

 

Let It All Out (podcast)

It’s important not to bottle up your feelings or let your thoughts ruminate in your mind for too long. And so, there’s only one thing to do: let it all out…

Click to play!

https://srcrawfordauthor.files.wordpress.com/2019/11/let-it-all-out.mp3

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What are Insecurities?

Most of us have heard of insecurities but I think some of us are confused as to what our insecurities are and how they can show up in our lives.

So, here are my thoughts on insecurities to help you get to know yours more and hopefully begin to tackle them.

 

Fears

In a nutshell, insecurities are just fear. Many of the uncomfortable things in life can be reduced down to being fear. Our insecurities stem from one or more fears that we have.

The fear of not being smart enough.

The fear of failure.

The fear of letting others down.

The fear of being inadequate.

One of my biggest insecurities is my intelligence. This, when broken down, is just a fear that I’m not as smart as those around me. That I’m not clever enough to be a successful writer. That I’m an imposter in my industry.

Fear, fear, fear…

 

Limits or weaknesses (true or not)

Our insecurities are usually around a limit or weakness that we have about ourselves or our lives, whether they are true or not.

You can feel insecure about money because you’ve never made a lot. You can be insecure about your intelligence (like me) because you don’t have a university degree which is a “limit” or “lack” that you feel you have in yourself and your life.

If you’re not good at something (or think you’re not) you feel insecure about that thing. You feel like you’re stacked up for failure and so you’re afraid of that thing and what it means about you to even try.

 

Beliefs

Insecurities are largely about our belief systems. What we believe to be true about ourselves or our lives. It’s this story that we tell ourselves (over and over) about who we are and what we’re capable of.

“I’m fat and always will be.”

“I’m just not as smart as other people, I don’t take in information.”

“I can never make as much money as I’d like to because of XYZ.”

It’s this narrative that we hold on to and believe more than we should, allowing it to manifest as this big fear, this big limit, this big weakness that then controls our lives.

“Whether you believe you can or you believe you can’t, you’re right.”

 

Not Enough

Any narrative in your head that involves the word “enough” is usually an insecurity.

Not cool enough.

Not smart enough.

Not educated enough.

Not brave enough.

Not pretty enough.

…enough…

Insecurities are the song of not enough. Feeling like there’s something missing or wrong within you that sets you against the grain and makes you less-than compared to others. It’s the all-time favourite thing we all do called the Comparison Game.

 

Self-Doubt

And of course, this all comes down to self-doubt. Feeling like you aren’t equipped to do something or be something. Doubting your ability and fearing what it would mean to try your hand at something.

 

How do our insecurities show in our lives?
This is how to spot your own insecurities:

Shame: Any time you feel the burning cheeks and racing heart of shame, that may be because your insecurities are being highlighted. For me, that shame may arise when proved wrong about something or feeling like I have no idea what people are talking about and thus feeling this shame narrative of “you’re not smart enough“.
Emotional Triggers: It’s not just about shame. When other emotions like sadness, anxiety, anger, jealousy or the like arise, that could be a sign of a insecurity being prodded.
People are mirrors: They say that what you judge or hate in others, can be a sign of something you dislike within yourself or fears and limits of your own. You can read about this in my confidence post.
Inner Dialogue: It’s important to pay attention to your thoughts. They aren’t always worth our time, of course, but sometimes negative thoughts run wild, thus highlighting insecurities and fears that we have. So, pay attention and find the reoccurring thoughts.
Puffing Up & Shrinking: Any time you feel compelled to defend yourself by puffing up and bragging, may highlight an insecurity. This could be saying, “actually I am a great writer because so-and-so read my work and loved it. When have you written anything read by people all around the world?” This is puffing up because you feel threatened and your insecurity has been triggered. The opposite is also true. If you shrink down when something is said, it can mean you feel insecure, too.

 

Insecurities suck. We all have them. We all have doubts, fear, limits, beliefs, and emotions that sit with us for a long time. The important thing to do is be aware of them, though, so that you can deal with them better and recognise them when they arise.

Good luck x

Think About It: Stop Forcing Your Life

*Think About It posts are shorter, snippet shares to think about*

 

One of my problems is that I can get caught up trying to force things to be what I want them to be, or to mean something deeper than what it actually does. And, of course, this sets me up for failure and disappointment.

I’ve been thinking about this mainly around my creative works, trying to force ideas to be grand stories or brilliant content on my site but then suffocating the idea and falling short.

We need to stop forcing life so much and just let it be.

Expectations

When we try to force things, we’re essentially expecting it to have a set outcome that’s desirable. We want this thing and expect that thing and feel sad when that’s not the case.

How do we avoid disappointment? Let go of expectations!

Stop forcing things to be something and see what it will be when we allow it to breathe.

 

Fear

Forcing things in life really comes down to the fear of things going wrong. The fear of failure or vulnerability. The fear of things being out of your control. We can’t eliminate fear completely, but we can choose to ignore it and do what we’re afraid of anyway.

So, in this case, let go of the fear that things will go wrong if you don’t force them to be what you deem to be “right”.

 

Control

Control is an illusion. My personality type and anxiety means I like control. I feel anxious when I don’t feel in control. But life has a way of teaching us lessons we didn’t know we needed to learn, and one of mine is that control is overrated.

Being out of control sometimes is good for us. Life happens in-between plans! When there’s room for otherness, there’s room for spontaneity and thrills and newness and things that you just can’t plan for.

So, let that happen.

Let go of the wheel, sometimes, and let life lead the way.

Do It Your Way (podcast)

When faced with so many options, pressures, and societal rules, it can be hard to just be yourself. But when in doubt, you do you! Always, however possible, do life your way…

 

Click to play!

https://srcrawfordauthor.files.wordpress.com/2019/11/do-it-your-way.mp3

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The Problem with Self-Made Timelines

I feel like many of us, especially the strict, anal, or anxious ones among us, like to give ourselves timelines.

“I’ll be a graduate by X age.

I’ll be working a great job, making X money by X age.

I’ll be a published author in X years…”

It’s this idea that there’s a certain amount of years or a certain age by which we have to have done things. And typically, it comes down to this false idea of what’s socially acceptable and what’s impressive or defines success for us.

Here are some of my thoughts on self-made timelines…

 

Pressure

Of course, to set timelines for these things means putting pressure on ourselves. Usually, no one else is telling us what we should do, how, and when. I know for myself that I have set manuscript deadlines when all it did was stifle my creativity and stress me out.

Instead, we should just breathe. There are enough times in life when there are real deadlines and timelines set by others or circumstance, without adding to the pressure and overwhelm with often ridiculous or unnecessary self-made timelines.

Therefore, we should just do what we’re doing because we want to do it, not because of some timeline or trying to rush it to fit a timeline.

 

Age

Age is a big one. We think that there are certain stages in our lives where we must have achieved certain things. (I did a video about Age and Status on confidence.)

Typical examples are:

Move out of your parents’ home before 25
Get a university degree by 22
Married before 30
Kids around 30
Own your own home in your 30s

But it should come as no surprise that times have changed. These societal rules no longer apply. My mom got her degree at the age of 52. My cousin had her first child at 36 (she’s also not married and doesn’t intend to).

There is no rush!

Stop putting timelines on yourself to reach a certain level or do a certain thing by a certain age. It’s stressful and takes the fun out of life. If you’re meant to have kids, then you’ll have them. Trust that you’ll know the right time, instead of forcing it to fit some idea that you have about what would be “perfect” or “appropriate” or “expected” of you.

 

Universal Timelines

As I said, trust plays a key role in life. I believe in universal timelines, as in, if something is meant to be, it will be. Sometimes things don’t work out the way we thought because the timing was off. Maybe there’s something that we’ve yet to learn or experience first. Maybe it would just be better for us in two years instead or right now.

And that’s okay.

When you are self-aware and intuitive, you should get an idea of when is the best time for you. What works for someone else, may not be for you.

And I get it, it’s hard when you thought you’d have something or be something by a certain age, but remember, these were always self-made timelines, not real ones. Sometimes, the universe knows better than we do and so we must trust that something better for us may be around the corner.

 

Last Thoughts

Self-made timelines are just unnecessary stress. There is no perfect way to plan out your life to tick all the right boxes and live happily and reach success. It doesn’t work that way. Instead, we must trust that things will happen or work out in the right time for us and our own personal narrative.

Don’t compare your timeline to someone else’s. Our stories aren’t the same.

Take a breath and live your life, what will be, will be, in time.

Think About It: Find Your Lifejacket

*Think About It posts are shorter, snippet shares to think about*

 

In order to survive low times, fear, indirection, uncertainty and the like, it’s important to have a lifejacket.

For me, when I was depressed and when I’ve been unemployed or in a difficult time in life, I’ve only survived it and kept my head above water due to my lifejacket.

My lifejacket(s) are reading and writing.

Having something that brings you joy and is an activity of some sort is a brilliant way to feel productive, happy, and motivated. It’s a way to at least feel like something, even a small thing, is worth waking up for.

Without books (writing them and reading them), my low times would have been much lower.

So, what is your lifejacket? What keeps you afloat like a buoy or a lifejacket? Whatever you need, find your thing and hold on to it to keep you from feeling too low.

 

Some ideas to consider or explore:

Reading
Writing (of any kind: blog, poetry, novels, short stories, social media posts, interviews, articles, Thought pieces, etc)
Drawing
Exercise
Walks
Nature
Singing
Sport
Design
Learning

We Need Other People (Podcast)

We need other people in order to do this life thing. Life can be hard at times, but if we let people, they can really help us to get through it. We need all kinds of people for all kinds of things in life. But there’s one thing I know for sure, we can’t do it alone.

“A stranger is just a friend we haven’t yet met…”

Click to play!

https://srcrawfordauthor.files.wordpress.com/2019/11/we-need-other-people.mp3

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The Advice Problem

Why are so many of us so good at giving advice, but not taking it (from ourselves or others)? Why does some advice stick and others don’t? What makes advice good or bad?

I’ve been thinking about this, and so here are some of my ideas…

 

Perspective

Our beliefs, our views on life and things, changes often. It’s important for all of us to know when taking and giving advice, that our ability to give good advice or listen to good advice will depend on our personal perspective at the time.

When in a low place, or highly frustrated or confused (usually times when we need advice, really) it can be hard to listen. It’s hard to determine what’s important or what’s best for us. The same goes for giving advice. I think it best that those who are feeling low in life or confused themselves, are perhaps not in the best position to give healthy advice to others.

*Which is funny, because I’ve felt very low at times while writing my blog. I do, however, try to be careful with what I put out and share with you guys.*

In general, we all hold different perspectives on life. We all have different values, desires, priorities and the like. So, when giving or accepting advice, try to be sure that the other person holds the same or similar perspective to you, otherwise, it can be confusing and unhelpful and potentially damaging for those involved.

 

Personal Consequence

It’s easier to give advice to others, great advice at times, too, but harder to take it ourselves or use the same advice for our own lives due to personal consequences. Telling someone else to do something is easy because it usually has no direct effect on your own life. Using that same advice for yourself does personally affect you, though, and so it’s harder to take it on board.

This is the fundamental reason why we say to others, “be brave, go for it!” or “take the harder job because you’ll enjoy it more” or “you’re totally ready for this” is because we usually want the best for people we care about. We don’t want them to think small or give up or whatever else. But when it comes to ourselves, as much as we’d love to be brave and just do something, it’s harder because if we fail, we are the ones this time who will feel the repercussions.

 

Fear

On the other hand, fear can be a big problem when it comes to advice. People can only give advice from their level of awareness, understanding, experience and daring. These things will influence what advice they give and to whom. Therefore, it is important to not ask for advice about being rich from someone with no money. Or how to raise a child from someone who isn’t a parent. They can’t give you real advice without real know-how or experience, can they?

And people who counsel from fear don’t give good advice. People who are afraid to do scary things aren’t the people we should go to for advice about the daring things we want to do.

And so, it’s important to be selective about who you get advice from.

Ask yourself:

How much experience in this area do they have?
Would they do this thing themselves?
Are they going to put their own fears and anxieties onto me instead of giving me real advice about this?

Be careful; don’t let other people’s fears become your own by getting “advice” from the wrong sources.

 

Last Thoughts

Go to the right people for advice
Accept advice from the right people for certain situations
When giving advice, ask if your input is appropriate for this topic
Before giving advice, check that you’re in the right mindset to do so
When getting advice, also check that you’re in the right mindset to listen
Check yourself for biases or self-fulfilling prophecy-like perspectives when giving or getting advice (are you seeking a certain outcome?)

 

It’s said that we don’t find or discover truths, instead, we remember them. As in, we all know the truths of life deep within us, hence why we all can be good at giving advice to others. Bear this in mind when seeking advice, perhaps you know the truth inside you already…