S.R. Crawford's Blog, page 44

4 Ways to Cope with New and Scary Things

At some point in life, we will have to step into the unknown…which is a hellah scary thing to do! I’m doing just that right now, starting something completely new and terrifying. And so, here are 4 ways I’ve wrapped my head around the idea, to be able to cope and take that step with less fear…

Click to play!

https://srcrawfordauthor.files.wordpress.com/2020/02/4-ways-to-cope-with-new-and-scary-things.mp3

xx

Why Things Aren’t Working in Your Relationships, Creativity and Self-Development

It can be easy to toe the line between healthy action and unhealthy action. Healthy emotions/attachment and unhealthy emotional attachment. And it’s a lot easier these days to be doing a lot of things at once, or to do something every single day, multiple times a day. But perhaps this isn’t a good thing…

We need to be careful not to suffocate the things we’re doing.

For this post, I want to focus on three things: relationships, creativity, and self-development. Careful not to stifle your relationships, your creativity, or your self-development…

 

Relationships

Let’s start with relationships. It can be easy when you like someone or you’re in love to cling to that person. To want to spend every waking moment with them. However, no matter the relationship (romantic, parent, sibling, friend, colleague) it can suffer if it’s put under too much pressure.

One person can’t be your everything…

It is a common phrase to say that your partner is “your everything”. I might be taking this too literally, but no one person should be everything to you. I believe it is important to have multiple relationships and people who fulfil different needs.

You and your partner should be independent enough to do things without each other, sometimes; to have different interests and hobbies.

It’s okay that your best friend doesn’t like anime like you do; perhaps a colleague from work does and you can discuss it with them.

This is important to avoid suffocating a relationship. Instead of expecting a person to do and be everything for you, take off the pressure and find others who fulfil other needs and wants you might have, while still loving and appreciating that person for all they do give.

Space away is important.

 

Creativity

This is very important for creative projects, too, which I’m finding out for myself. You must be careful not to suffocate your creativity by demanding too much of it. Putting pressure on yourself with things like deadlines and wordcounts and beats and whatever else can hurt your creativity.

I see creativity as a flowing thing. When you take it by the neck and say “work, damn you!” it does not work. It needs to feel free.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I believe in discipline. You have to have the habit of sitting down to write in order to get anything done. Creativity can’t find you if you’re not where you’re supposed to be! But don’t milk it dry. Don’t force something to be creative genius. One day you’ll write an amazing chapter, another it will be your worst! That’s fine, you can fix it later.

Having a moment (or several) of lacked creativity does not mean you will never have it again. It doesn’t mean you’re not a creative person and are then doomed to fail. This is a form of perfectionism; expecting yourself and your work to be perfect will lead to paralysis and incompletion.

Creativity is like a pet bird that’s free to roam. It will fly away and visit other places, but it will always come back.

Allow it to be that way without fret or fear (the same goes for relationships).

 

Self-Development

Lastly, self-development. This has become a craze lately, people trying to better themselves. Of course, this is great. It’s admirable. But, perhaps some of us take it too far.

We set unrealistic goals and expectations on ourselves. We, again, try to be perfect. We go from zero to sixty in no time and end up crashing. The pressure is just too much. And a lot of people are doing all this without any real focus or personal motivation. They aim to run a marathon without any personal interest in sports or fitness goals of this sort. Why?!

Comparison, F.O.M.O., and social media make us think that there’s always something more. More to do, more to see, more to have, more to feel. We go endlessly searching, endlessly doing, endlessly fretting until we burn out.

Healthy, focused self-development is good. Doing things for the right reasons is good. Knowing your why is good.

But suffocating your self-development comes from trying to do too much too fast. Expecting to be an Olympian after six months at the gym. Cut yourself some slack. Be kind to yourself. Focus on what you want, what you actually want and need, and make a plan. Take small steps. Track those steps and praise yourself. And hold on to why you’re even doing it.

Be intentional about your self-development, not anal.

 

Holding on too tight to something comes from fear. Fear that a person will leave you; fear that you won’t finish the book you’re writing; fear that you’ll never be your best self. And so you force a person to tick every box; you force the book to be everything you want in the first draft; you force your self-development goals and habits to fit years of work into one.

No, no, no!

Let yourself breathe. Let your relationships breathe. Let your work breathe. Let your goals breathe. Trust me, loosening your grip won’t mean that they fly away…unless it wasn’t meant to be.

 

Take care.

 

Sincerely,

S. xx

Let’s Get Philosophical: What Are We Meant to Do? (podcast)

At this juncture in my life, I’m in a questioning stage. Who am I? What am I meant to do? What’s the right way? Many philosophers have agonised over these same concepts for their entire lives (I hope I don’t!), but this period is usually down to an Existential Crisis of self.

Here in today’s podcast, I’m talking about what we’re meant to do and how to settle your mind in times of confusion.

Click to play!

https://srcrawfordauthor.files.wordpress.com/2020/02/lets-get-philosophical-what-are-we-meant-to-do.mp3

 

xx

Top 5 Things Every Good Relationship Needs

In light of it being Valentine’s Day tomorrow, I thought I would share the five most important things that every good relationship needs (in my opinion!). Whether you’re in a relationship, looking, or happily single, here are my thoughts on what makes a relationship work long-term…

 

Teamwork

This is the ultimate, 100% most important thing that every relationship needs. You are a unit, a force, a team and you should work together as such.

When you raise your family, do so as a team.

When you maintain the house, do so as a team.

When you make money for your household, do so as a team.

When you fight, do so as a team!

 

This last one is crucial because most people when they fight, they are fighting each other.

“I’m right!”

“No, I’m right!”

And you go round and round in circles, hurting one another and bringing up things that don’t matter just because of your Ego and your desire to win.

But who really wins if you’re hurting someone you’re supposed to love?

Instead, for those unavoidable fights that are actually worth having (not fights about whether a film was good or not, because that doesn’t matter at all), it’s important to work together.

Work together against the problem, not each other.

 

So, if you’re fighting about the best time to start a family or where to go to travel for a month, ask yourself what the argument is actually about. Sometimes, it’s not about what you think it’s about. Sometimes it’s about not feeling heard or worrying about something else.

Take a moment to think about the other person and how they might feel. Ask them, calmly, what they’re feeling and what they think the argument is about. Then, do the same for yourself. What do you feel? Why are you fighting?

Then, once you’ve voiced your true feelings, address them with love. And then together, find a solution to the issue at hand.

Be on each other’s side.

 

Communication

And this ties into the point above; in your relationship, are you or your partner communicating effectively?

Do you understand how one another communicates? How one another expresses their feelings? How one another reacts in an argument?

When you fall out or sense something is off with your partner, do you go quiet and punish them for it, or take a moment to gather yourself and then talk honestly and fairly?

It takes real emotional maturity to be in a lasting relationship because not only are you responsible for and susceptible to your own emotions, but the emotions of your partner, too. No, it is not your job to make them happy or fix them, but it is your job to have empathy for someone who you’ve chosen to spend your life with. Therefore, ask yourself why you can’t confront them about something or help them to carry some of the load in their lives.

Some things are hard to hear. Some things have nothing to do with you directly and you have no way of actually helping. But listening to your partner goes a long way in helping them feel better.

A problem shared is a problem halved.

 

And it’s important that in a relationship, both parties feel seen and heard. They feel respected, appreciated, and, most important of all, understood. You may not, as I say, directly understand something they’re going through, but an attempt to do so without brushing them off or pretending to understand goes a long, long way.

Many times my partner has told me that he doesn’t understand how I feel about some things, things he’s not really felt directly himself . But he listens, he tries to understand, and he supports me anyway with things like, “is there anything I can do?” or “I’m sorry you’re feeling this way” and giving a big embrace.

 

Plus, you need to be able to listen and pay attention because, with a longterm relationship, the two of you are growing and changing as you get older. This means you need to recognise that your partner won’t necessarily be the exact same person you got with years before. Always be curious about them. Learn who they are and take an interest as if you are still in the dating phase. Communicate your own growth and self, too.

A couple who can grow together and respect that goes further…

 

Trust

If you can’t trust your partner, this is not good. I believe people can change. Say someone was once a cheater, perhaps they won’t be a cheater forever, for example. But if someone has given you any reason to not trust them, ask yourself where that is coming from. Is it from an emotional wound from your own past, or something they’ve done? Is it something you could try to fix with a conversation, counselling, or boundaries?

A lack of trust doesn’t necessarily mean you should cut and run. I didn’t trust my partner at first, not because of him but because I didn’t trust that a man could love me as I am. But I had to realise that and confront that feeling myself, to then open myself up to him, thus building trust over time.

But an awareness of any trust issues is the key here. Tackling them, hopefully together as a team, is key, too.

 

Rules/ Boundaries/ Understandings

This means having unspoken (or perhaps formally agreed upon) rules that ensure you both understand and work well together. One person can’t be under the impression that you are allowed to sleep with other people while the other disagrees!

 

Do you have a rule about watching TV in bed?

A rule about your morning routine?

An understanding of your sexual needs?

Boundaries for needed space?

 

Patrick and I know that he has his hobbies and I have mine. We ask about and are interested in one another’s hobbies, but don’t expect the other to join in!

If I’m reading or writing, he won’t disturb me. If he wants to watch American Football or play a game or go to the gym, again, I won’t stop him; I’ll just do my own thing. We know this about one another; it’s an understanding we have, and therefore there is no awkwardness or resentment or confusion. Ergo, things work more smoothly…

 

This kind of ties in with the idea of a shared vision for the future, too. Do you both want kids, marriage, to own a home, to travel the world, to retire and live in a bus or what? If you have different ideas for the future, or want different things from the relationship, then I don’t believe it will work longterm. Of course, unless someone changes their mind in which case that’s fine and great if that person isn’t jeopardising their own happiness for someone else’s dream.

 

Common Ground

You don’t need a lot in common to fall in love. Sometimes when you’re too similar, it doesn’t work, either. I believe opposites attract and it kind of follows the ever-popular theory that couples “complete” one another by having strengths and weaknesses opposite to the other, thus needing one another to be balanced out. (I believe in this idea working well, like Extroverts and Introverts, for example, but I don’t really like the saying that someone “completes me” because I should feel whole and complete and independent all on my own, right?)

But being polar opposites doesn’t quite work, in my mind. Obviously, I’m no expert! In my opinion, relationships at least need some common ground. At least one thing or one area of your life where you share an interest.

Even if it’s as simple as liking to watch TV together, this can go a long way in lasting relationships. I mean, if you have zero in common, what are you to talk about for the next X amount of years?!

 

There you have it, my 5 most important things for a good, long-lasting relationship. I’m celebrating my 5th anniversary this year, and I learn about my partner as we grow together each year. We fight, we aren’t perfect, but we’re a bloody good team and that’s why I’m sure we will go the long haul!

 

Sincerely,

S.

xx

Two Habit Hacks to Try for Yourself

There’s a lot that I’m interested in. I wish there was more time in the day, more time in life, for me to do, experience and read about it all! But alas, there is not. And therefore, I must prioritise and organise to be able to do many things, while also concentrating on the right things…

Anyway, this plethora of interests has led me to try to cram many things into my weeks again and again. And I’ve failed to do so, again and again. However, I think I have a new hack that could help me to get more done regularly.

If you have multiple interests, or you’re someone short on time and organisation, here are two habit hacks that might help you, too…

 

Just 10 Minutes

As the title suggests, my first hack is to be less restrictive and perfectionistic about the expectations of your to-dos.

As in, focus on getting them done, not how they’re done.

At the end of the day, isn’t it more important that you do the thing you want to do, than to do it perfectly? Seeking perfection leads to paralysis and procrastination. We shouldn’t get into the habit of rushing things or doing things poorly, of course, but not doing them at all isn’t good either.

It’s all about developing a habit by doing something regularly. Therefore, you actually have to do it!

 

Dedicating just 10 minutes to an activity or habit that you’re trying out will help you get closer to doing it routinely. I’ve found that once you go to do it for just 10 minutes, you often end up doing it for longer, anyway. It’s the starting out that’s hard, but when you know that it’s just 10 minutes – and what’s 10mins, really? – then it’s a lot harder to resist doing it.

Why not read for just 10 mins?

Why not write for just 10 mins?

Why not do some yoga for just 10 mins?

Why not work out or jog for just 10 mins?

Why not meditate, paint, blog, job search, call your mom, learn a language, do some research… for just 10 mins?

It’s hard to find excuses when it’s such a short period of time!

 

Of course, there’s an exception to every rule. If it’s something you want to do but it literally takes longer than 10 mins – like I want to watch anime again, which is 20-30min episodes – then you can still adopt a simple mindset like this one. ‘Just one episode‘ or something like that.

Or if you are exhausted or stressed out and you want a break and just can’t bring yourself to do it, then take a break! As long as you’re honest with yourself and you’re not being lazy, go for it.

It’s just about getting into a regular practice. Better to do just 10 mins than not do it at all.

 

Batching Habits/To-Dos

My next hack is a good one, which is to lump habits or to-dos or activities together by similarity. This is called “batching” and it goes a long way towards the snowball effect of doing one thing that leads into another and so on…

So, I want to watch anime. I’ve batched it with writing my fantasy novel. I could watch an episode for inspiration for novel writing (and then write after), or use an episode as a “reward” after finishing my writing session.

 

Other batches I’ve done:

Yoga + Meditation + Journaling
Podcast + Blogging
Washing on + Kitchen clean + Living Room vacced
Learning from the reference books I have + Language learning

 

And again, you only have to do these things for 10 mins if you want to/can. When you have a random, long list of to-dos, it’s overwhelming and you put them off. However, if you batch to-dos together and dedicate a set day where you’d ideally do those things, it breaks them down into manageable chunks that seem easier.

Mondays are for yoga, which is linked with meditation and journaling… – SIMPLE!

 

Another tip is to decide on dedicated days for your tasks, but to also leave room for error. I’ve blocked in mine in the first few days of the week, so if anything is left incomplete, I still have time in my week to fit it in because I’ve left the second half of the week more open.

 

Make your habits easy for you! They’re supposed to be fun. You’re supposed to want to do them. So, make it simple, make it effective, make it regular, and just get them done.

Trial and error is okay. Move things around if they’re not working. Experiment with your time and your habits. It doesn’t mean they’ll never work.

Good luck!

 

Sincerely,

 

S. xx

 

Says Who? Dismissing Other People’s Rulebooks (podcast)

Once again I’m talking about doing things your way! I think there’s a pattern here…I have an unconventional spirit, what can I say?! But today is some quick rambly advice about dismissing the rules set by others and doing whatever you need to do for you.

Click to play!

https://srcrawfordauthor.files.wordpress.com/2020/02/says-who-dismissing-other-peoples-rulebooks.mp3

xx

Why It Quit Social Media in January

At the start of this year, I challenged myself to go a month without social media. Because I host a blog and a podcast, I couldn’t deactivate these accounts, really, and so my rule was that I couldn’t use them for anything other than posting/sharing my content.

And so, I deleted the apps from my phone.

And it has been liberating!

 

Positives I’ve experienced

Just quickly, I want to tell you how it’s helped me. Firstly, this month I’ve felt much more focused. I’ve been productive and attentive more so than ever. Without a phone full of interesting apps to dive into every second, my mind has focused a lot better in the real world…

I’ve read 4 books this month (plus a poetry book, too)! For some, that’s not a lot, but for me that’s a huge achievement! Pretty much a book a week. I really don’t think this would have been possible if I still had social media on my phone.

I’ve felt healthier, too. The one time I went on Facebook to share a blog post and I saw someone else’s post, I felt jealous and low. A girl from school is off travelling and her pictures are amazing! I felt jealous and feeling jealous makes you feel crap about yourself and your own life. Now, if I’d still had social media on my phone, that moment would have been amplified tenfold when comparing myself to hundreds of other people, too.

 

So, here is why I quit social media and what I’ve found from the experience…

 

Allow yourself to be bored

Firstly, I heard a YouTuber say that it’s important to allow yourself to be bored. That in this modern world, we are never bored! There are a plethora of things to do and see readily at the click of a button. As cool as this is, it’s also not good for us creative types.

Creativity and innovation are often born from boredom. When our minds don’t have much to do, they look for ways to entertain themselves. They come up with story ideas and inventions and new things to try.

But if you’re scrolling through socials when you’re bored, your brain doesn’t have that paused period of time to think up awesome stuff!

 

Gain back time for better habits

As I said, I’ve read a lot more this month than any other. I really do think this is down to the lack of social media. If there is a habit you’re trying to implement or improve, then think about what takes up your time now.

All the time I would have spent on social media, I now have for other things. Whenever I have a gap in my day, or I’m commuting, or whatever, I reach for my book now. Or I write. Or I do some yoga. Basically, the more important things! The things I want to be doing because they make me feel healthy and happy.

 

Less comparison

Again, comparison! Gosh, it’s the worst! Some people are fine to go on social media and aren’t so easily affected. They will often be inspired by those jetting off overseas or writing books, instead of feeling jealous. That’s brilliant!

But some of us (a lot of us, from the studies now being published) are negatively affected by our time on social media. It’s not the app creators’ fault or the apps’ fault. It’s not really ours, either. You can curate your feed to be inspiring, hopeful, goodnatured things. But even so, when following friends or family you can still be affected so it’s hard. It is.

Ever been having a good day, or you’ve posted something you were proud of, and then you go on social media and you see someone taking amazing pics in Thailand or someone’s post with thousands of comments and likes compared to yours with zero? And suddenly, you feel crap? Yeah, me too…

That’s why limiting your time can be good for you if you are the kind of person to be affected. Firstly, ask yourself what you’re feeling when on socials and delete accounts accordingly. Don’t follow people that make you feel bad. Then, implement a rule with yourself so that you feel less negativity from comparison and the like.

 

Beat addiction

Say what you want, but it is a form of addiction! Just like drugs and alcohol, sugar, food, whatever. Social media, for a lot of us, is an addiction. When I deleted the apps, I felt anxious for gods sake! As if something bad would happen now that I didn’t have it on my phone whenever I needed it.

I was addicted.

You know you’re addicted to something if it’s hard (literally very hard) not to do it. When you feel lost, uncomfortable or even in pain not to have or do it.

I would never compare drug addiction to social media addiction. They are very, very different. But I’m saying that reaching for your phone every other minute, opening the apps even when you’ve scrolled for 10 minutes just a minute ago, is not healthy. It is our minds being addicted to the dopamine shots we get from looking at pretty images.

There are worse addictions to have, but this still isn’t healthy and it could be very good for you to be able to beat this addiction, like I’m trying to.

 

Also…

Less social media means less time on your phone which is good for your eyes and sleep
We can slow down, pause, breathe without the instant gratification and entertainment at our fingertips of the social media world
Less fake news, random info, distractions and unimportant crap being chucked into our poor brains

 

*I’m not anti-social media, by the way, I’m just pro-me, pro-health, pro-productivity and so this was important for me and my life.*

 

So, there you have it. I’m using social media a lot less. I don’t yet feel the need to download them on my phone again. We’ll see if this changes. This month has been a success and I don’t want to revert back to my old ways. I want to be focused, creative, productive, and interested in my own life and those around me instead of hundreds of lives all at once!

Peace out!

Sincerely,

 

S. xx

The Dizziness of Choice and Comparison (podcast)

These days we are breaking our necks by looking over all the fences around us. Looking at his garden and her garden; at what they’re doing compared to us. But all it causes is pain, confusion, dizziness and paralysis.

Comparison and choice are sending us mad, but I have a simple tool for hopefully kicking it to the kerb…

Click to play!

https://srcrawfordauthor.files.wordpress.com/2020/01/the-dizziness-of-choice-and-comparison.mp3

xx

It’s Forgetting Who You Are That Causes Pain

There is a lot of pain in forgetting. If we were able to readily remember all that we’ve ever felt, seen, heard, tasted, or experienced, we would probably feel a lot less pain because we’d have the power of knowing…

Knowledge is comforting, at times. Knowing who we are, what we’ve done, and what we’re capable of goes a long way in removing fear, worry, and pain.

 

Perception

Our perception of reality is everything. You and I could look at the same book and one of us sees red while the other swears it’s orange. Neither of us is right or wrong. Because my reality, my perception, makes it real for me. And the same goes for you.

And so, if you are someone who has forgotten parts of yourself or your life, then your perception of yourself or your life becomes changed. Warped. Skewed. Even broken or wrong…

Forgetting how talented you are, does not mean you lack talent…

Forgetting how beautiful you are, does not mean you lack beauty…

Forgetting how loved you are, does not mean you are without love…

You just think you it’s so, and then that belief can be so strong and so real that you make it so.

 

Emotions

I think we can feel lonely when we forget how many people love us and need us and appreciate us.

We feel disappointed when we forget about hope and possibility and all the great things that have happened before.

We feel afraid when we forget how wildly capable we are and how resilient we are even when things don’t go to plan.

 

Emotional reactions to life and external circumstances are powerful, but what I’d say are worse are subconscious emotional reactions to our mind’s warped reality and thoughts that are constantly presented to us.

We fight and bicker and make a villain out of the people who we love because we are so focused on one thing, or one thing about them, that our emotions turn way up and cloud everything else. When in reality – not our warped version at that time – we love them and they love us and we know they’re a good person and there’s more to the situation than what we are zoomed in on.

 

I know that I become very jealous of other people and compare myself to them (one of the reasons why I quit social media). However, this comes back down to forgetting all the great things I’ve done myself.

I get jealous thinking about my brother going to Japan this year and my besties from school going backpacking across South East Asia. But I’ve been to some pretty great countries, too. I’ve been to another continent. And I’m still young (younger than my brother) and so I’ve got plenty of time to go wherever I so desire…

But I must remind myself of that in order to rid myself of the uncomfortable and unnecessary emotion of jealousy.

 

Remembering

This is why it’s important to develop a habit or method of remembering. A way to keep yourself in check and not forget the important things.

Here are just a few things that I’ve used:

Journal

My journal is something I try to use regularly. Sometimes it’s just an account of my day and my feelings. Sometimes it’s a page(s) full of my ranting, jumbled up thoughts that I needed to get out. Other days I use prompts to learn more about myself. And some days I write as other people as an empathy exercise.

All of these provide one key thing for me: information.

If I want to know what I did on a certain day, it’s right there.

If I want to know what I was feeling that made me snap at my partner, I can find out.

If I want to reconnect with someone who I’ve been drifting from, I can read that journal page where I wrote as them and feel their feelings once more.

In short, I can remember things better because I have an emotional account and documentation of events from just after they’ve happened, which helps me to remember things that can help me with whatever I’m dealing with now.

 

Self-Worth Keepsakes

This is something I tried after Lavendaire suggested it. It’s a box (or scrapbook or whatever) of things that make you feel good about yourself. Mine is mostly images of travel experiences, book releases, book reviews, my site, me and my partner, my family, and that kind of thing.

Achievements, experiences, things I like, and so on.

Keeping these things together means that when you feel low, because you’re forgetting who you are and what you’ve done, you have a box ready to dig through and remember.

Remembering your worth is perhaps the most important thing.

 

Lists Book

Lastly, there’s a book of lists. This can be any kind of list that you see fit, but writing lists brings me a lot of joy and it organises otherwise complex and scattered thoughts.

Lists you could make:

Favourite things
Greatest achievements
Best holidays or travel experiences
Best relationship moments
Top to-travel-to destinations
Must-do bucket list items
Favourite foods or restaurants
Favourite films or TV shows (rewatching these is always a good idea!)
And so on…

 

So today, I just want you to think about what you might have forgotten about yourself and your life. If you’re feeling a “negative” emotion like sadness, jealousy, anger, or fear, then perhaps you need a reminder. Perhaps you’ve forgotten something that could make you feel good and you again.

Good luck!

 

Sincerely,

 

S. xx

 

Think About It: Forgetting Causes Pain

There is a lot of pain in forgetting. If we were able to readily remember all that we’ve ever felt, seen, heard, tasted, or experienced, we would probably feel a lot less pain because we’d have the power of knowing…

Knowledge is comforting, at times. Knowing who we are, what we’ve done, and what we’re capable of goes a long way in removing fear, worry, and pain.

 

Perception

Our perception of reality is everything. You and I could look at the same book and one of us sees red while the other swears it’s orange. Neither of us is right or wrong. Because my reality, my perception, makes it real for me. And the same goes for you.

And so, if you are someone who has forgotten parts of yourself or your life, then your perception of yourself or your life becomes changed. Warped. Skewed. Even broken or wrong…

Forgetting how talented you are, does not mean you lack talent…

Forgetting how beautiful you are, does not mean you lack beauty…

Forgetting how loved you are, does not mean you are without love…

You just think you it’s so, and then that belief can be so strong and so real that you make it so.

 

Emotions

I think we can feel lonely when we forget how many people love us and need us and appreciate us.

We feel disappointed when we forget about hope and possibility and all the great things that have happened before.

We feel afraid when we forget how wildly capable we are and how resilient we are even when things don’t go to plan.

 

Emotional reactions to life and external circumstances are powerful, but what I’d say are worse are subconscious emotional reactions to our mind’s warped reality and thoughts that are constantly presented to us.

We fight and bicker and make a villain out of the people who we love because we are so focused on one thing, or one thing about them, that our emotions turn way up and cloud everything else. When in reality – not our warped version at that time – we love them and they love us and we know they’re a good person and there’s more to the situation than what we are zoomed in on.

 

I know that I become very jealous of other people and compare myself to them (one of the reasons why I quit social media). However, this comes back down to forgetting all the great things I’ve done myself.

I get jealous thinking about my brother going to Japan this year and my besties from school going backpacking across South East Asia. But I’ve been to some pretty great countries, too. I’ve been to another continent. And I’m still young (younger than my brother) and so I’ve got plenty of time to go wherever I so desire…

But I must remind myself of that in order to rid myself of the uncomfortable and unnecessary emotion of jealousy.

 

Remembering

This is why it’s important to develop a habit or method of remembering. A way to keep yourself in check and not forget the important things.

Here are just a few things that I’ve used:

Journal

My journal is something I try to use regularly. Sometimes it’s just an account of my day and my feelings. Sometimes it’s a page(s) full of my ranting, jumbled up thoughts that I needed to get out. Other days I use prompts to learn more about myself. And some days I write as other people as an empathy exercise.

All of these provide one key thing for me: information.

If I want to know what I did on a certain day, it’s right there.

If I want to know what I was feeling that made me snap at my partner, I can find out.

If I want to reconnect with someone who I’ve been drifting from, I can read that journal page where I wrote as them and feel their feelings once more.

In short, I can remember things better because I have an emotional account and documentation of events from just after they’ve happened, which helps me to remember things that can help me with whatever I’m dealing with now.

 

Self-Worth Keepsakes

This is something I tried after Lavendaire suggested it. It’s a box (or scrapbook or whatever) of things that make you feel good about yourself. Mine is mostly images of travel experiences, book releases, book reviews, my site, me and my partner, my family, and that kind of thing.

Achievements, experiences, things I like, and so on.

Keeping these things together means that when you feel low, because you’re forgetting who you are and what you’ve done, you have a box ready to dig through and remember.

Remembering your worth is perhaps the most important thing.

 

Lists Book

Lastly, there’s a book of lists. This can be any kind of list that you see fit, but writing lists brings me a lot of joy and it organises otherwise complex and scattered thoughts.

Lists you could make:

Favourite things
Greatest achievements
Best holidays or travel experiences
Best relationship moments
Top to-travel-to destinations
Must-do bucket list items
Favourite foods or restaurants
Favourite films or TV shows (rewatching these is always a good idea!)
And so on…

 

So today, I just want you to think about what you might have forgotten about yourself and your life. If you’re feeling a “negative” emotion like sadness, jealousy, anger, or fear, then perhaps you need a reminder. Perhaps you’ve forgotten something that could make you feel good and you again.

Good luck!

 

Sincerely,

 

S. xx