S.R. Crawford's Blog, page 46

Things To Consider When Trying To Change Your Life

Everyone wants to change their life at some point, especially around the New Year (Happy New Year, New Decade, by the way!). It usually involves some big ideas and motivations that essentially mean “I don’t want to live this way anymore…”

I’ve been there.

But here are some truths, some things to think about when planning to and starting to move forward with trying to change your life in 2020…

 

Change is slow

This is a big one. So many people start the New Year with good intentions, wanting to do their very best to change. But when the progress or results aren’t happening for them, they lose motivation and momentum. But the truth is change takes time. Sometimes a long time.

We see “get rich quick” and “lose weight fast” hacks all the time, and so we want to find the shortcuts to unbelievable life changes. But anything worth having takes time.

“A watched pot never boils!”

So, take your time. Make changing your life a part of your life. Try to enjoy the journey, not wish and wait on the so-called end destination.

Change is a process, not an end goal.

Plus, change is uncomfortable! The caterpillar goes through uncomfortable situations and growing pains when in the cocoon but it’s worth it to become a butterfly…

 

Intention

Trying to change your life without any real reasons or personal motivations is a great way to fail at changing your life! Doing things because other people said so, or you feel like you should, is not a good motivator. It may start off fine, but you will not commit longterm if you don’t have a personal why to your life changes.

You want to lose weight…but why?

You want to change career or make more money…but why?

Try to be clear, specific, and personal about your reasons why and you will find that you commit to your chosen changes more.

 

Get Out What You Put In

You can sign up to a gym, attend university, start going out more to meet more people, all of that is great, but…these things don’t guarantee successful change.

You get out what you put in to the things you do in life.

If you attend university but skip classes and take shortcuts, you may not succeed. If you get a gym membership but you barely go, nothing will change.

No one and nothing can change your life for you. You can take the right steps in the right direction, but if you don’t put in the effort and dedicate yourself to what you’re doing, you’ll fall short.

This is why you need to do what you’re doing for the right reasons, otherwise, it just won’t work for you.

 

Expectations

When trying to change your life, you have to be realistic. As I said, change takes time, but it also takes focus and dedication. You can’t expect to change a hundred things about yourself and your life at once. You are a complex person; your life is complex. You can’t take a machete to it and tear it apart and expect to put everything back together in a way that feels good all a once.

Change takes a dedication to see things as they are, being careful when picking parts of yourself and your life apart, then reshaping the structure into something else.

Piece by piece. Brick by brick.

Don’t expect that by taking a class, for example, you will suddenly become a genius!

Don’t expect a six-pack stomach after a month of dieting and working out.

Don’t expect a six-month trip to South East Asia to change your life for you once you get back home.

Try to check your expectations. Don’t cling to what you want things to be, it only leads to disappointment. Take your time, enjoy the process, and allow change to work its magic.

 

Good luck and Happy 2020, guys!

 

Sincerely, S.

x

 

 

My Personal List of Good Things From 2019

I usually do a sort of achievement list at the end of each year. It’s a way of patting myself on the back for progressing and achieving and doing good things for myself.

But this year hasn’t felt so great; I feel I have less to say and share with you guys. So, here’s a shorter list of things that were positive from this year for me personally.

I hope it helps you to reflect on your own year and find the positives. It wasn’t until writing my list that I realised perhaps this year wasn’t as bad as I thought it was…

(In no particular order)

Wrote 35k of a contemporary drama fiction novel (my first real one)
Wrote 15k of an MG fantasy novel
Wrote 20k of a YA fantasy novel
Wrote half of different YA fantasy novel (my current W.I.P.)
Upgraded my website
Published loads of content to my website
Maintained and grew my podcast; changed the name to  Mindset Managed
Lost weight
Many fun doggy days out and about
Ice skating and going so fast and confident around the rink!
Read 20 books
Got a new job
Started studying again
Created and completed the Confidence Challenge!
Created and published workbooks for guided self-reflection
Saw my partner Graduate!!
Witnessed my brother’s wedding!!!
Completed the Bear Grylls challenges and flew in the air simulator for my birthday
Went to Alton Towers theme park
Met author Angie Thomas and had her sign her books (she also told me she wants a signed copy of my own books once I make it!)
Watched my partner do so well in his American Football team and win the Rookie of the Year award
Was shortlisted for the Mental Health Blogger of the Year award!
Submitted my first university assignment and received a 2:1 grade
Visited my first pumpkin patch
Improved in my yoga practice
Maintained a regular journal all year
Made new friends
Reached out to old friends
Went to a spa twice and had massages and afternoon tea!
Watched many, many new films (we go every week!)
Started jogging
Uploaded YouTube videos
Sold unwanted clothes and things online (decluttered and organised my space)
Read many non-fiction self-development books to better myself (emotionally and mentally)
Family parties with the new babies!
Outdoor cinema watching Harry Potter

 

Now that I look back, this year was a good one. I didn’t make loads of money, or complete a manuscript, or publish a book, or get married or pregnant; I didn’t graduate, or travel, or do something socially accepted as “great” or “interesting” but it was a good year nonetheless!

Years have peaks and valleys; ups and downs. We can label a year as bad or good purely by our own perception of it. I choose to see it, now, as a good year. And I sincerely hope yours was good, too.

Here’s to 2020; may it bring the wonders we desire… I have a feeling it will…

xx

My Decade at a Glance: 14 to 24 years old

Here are the achievements and life milestones that I’ve completed over the last 10 years…

10 A*-C GCSEs achieved
Finished the International Baccalaureate with 32 points
Did a year of uni (Psychology with Criminology) and received a Certificate of Higher Education
Worked at 6 different jobs (part-time, full-time, office, retail)
Tried self-employment for a year (actually got clients and was paid to write for people!)
Maintained a blog and was shortlisted as a finalist in the Mental Health Blogger Awards
Maintained a podcast for a year and a half; YouTube videos
Wrote and published 3 books; perfected and republished those books
Wrote and didn’t publish 3 other complete manuscripts; many incomplete ones started
Queried to agents and participated in writing competitions
Overcome my issues with food
Competed in sports competitions and won; did the Wolf Run last year
Fell in love and have been committed for 5 years
Travelled to 7 countries and many different cities around the world; including another continent (Africa)
Travelled solo
Rode a horse, swung from a building, parasailed, go-karted in Africa, safari, quad bike safari, Eiffel Tower, Colosseum, Pantheon, Venice, the Vatican, Amsterdam canal, caves on a boat…
Got my first cat
Got my first dog
Got my driver’s license
Made great friends
Started and maintained a mental health support group for a year
Hosted my own mental health awareness event
Spoke as a guest at a fashion show mental health event
Became better mentally and emotionally; battled anxiety and depression and inner demons
Started studying for uni again with the Open University

 

It has been a good decade, really. A lot of ups and downs and pain and fear but also these great achievements and milestones. That’s life: balance. I seek more balance in the next decade; let’s see…

10 Things I’ve Learned in 10 Years (podcast)

It’s nearly the New Year, thus a new decade! Here are the lessons that I’ve learned over ten years (from 14 years old to 24 years old!) and what I’m bringing with me into 2020 and a new wonderful decade…

Click to play!

https://srcrawfordauthor.files.wordpress.com/2019/12/10-lessons-ive-learned-this-decade.mp3

Happy New Year!

xx

 

The Next Right Step

Inspired by Frozen 2: when in doubt, when you’re afraid, just take the next right step…

If you are someone who’s a bit worried about the new year because you’re unsure of what to do next, then my advice to you would be to bear this in mind. Just take the next right step. Whatever you’re thinking, whatever is bothering you, don’t overcomplicate it: just take the next right step…

 

Don’t look too far ahead

The next right step mostly means thinking about, and focusing on, simply the step right in front of you. To take that step, and that step alone. You needn’t think about the steps after that, or what this step may lead to. Just take the step which feels right for you.

“You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.” – Martin Luther King Jr.

 

Don’t plan and predict

Similarly, don’t try to control and plan ahead for what may happen. If something feels like the natural and next right step, then take it. See what happens. Take life less seriously.

We all have a tendency to think too much sometimes. To place too much weight on every decision we make. Yes, we should think things through; we should take calculated risks. But not everything needs to be weighed up, planned, predicted, and controlled that much.

Let go, take the step, find your footing as you go…

 

Don’t overthink it

Overthinking every decision is a fast-track ticket to overwhelm and stress. I know, I’ve been there many times before! The thing is, we can think something over until we’re blue in the face, but that doesn’t mean we are, necessarily, any more likely to find a perfect solution to our situation.

It is not possible to think yourself into a place of happiness and perfection.

Don’t think about every little detail. The more you think about something, the more likely you are to think yourself out of doing it. Don’t self-sabotage, don’t let fear win.

 

Even if it’s a mistake…

And even if what you do is a “mistake,” you can always fix it. Mistakes, missteps, failures are all so scary but usually, when they happen, they’re not as bad as we thought they would be. Some mistakes can stay with you for a long time and feel painful, but I believe we can sort of fix the past by changing our perspective of it or literally rectifying the mistake.

Remember these:

You can always make a different choice.
Nothing is permanent; everything is temporary.
You are not a tree: if you’re unhappy, move!
No one else lives your life but you, don’t take advice or criticism too seriously.

How else are you supposed to find what works in life if you never take any chances or any steps?

 

Last Thoughts

As long as you have a support system, a vision for what you want, and the brave and creative heart to go after what feels right, you will be okay. Trust yourself to do what needs to be done in any situation. You may fall down along the road, but it’s all a learning curve. You’ll learn about yourself, others, and this wonderfully weird world we live in by simply taking steps forward.

In 2020, I dare you to experiment with life. To take steps that feel right without worrying too much about the grand scheme of things. Life is to be lived; as long as you do so with a smart head on your shoulders, you won’t go too wrong.

xx

 

 

All I Want For Christmas (podcast)

It’s Christmas week for those of us who celebrate and so I’m talking about what’s on my Christmas list: what I want and need to be a better version of myself in the new year. What’s on your Christmas list?

Click to play!

https://srcrawfordauthor.files.wordpress.com/2019/12/all-i-want-for-christmas.mp3

Merry Christmas, guys! xx

Money (Poem)

Phantom puppet master,

Plays his paper fiddle.

The game of life’s endless,

Cruel impossible riddle.

 

Echoic vault slams shut,

Tears stain their face.

Prison bars of iron,

We’re far from Grace.

 

Borrow, barter, beg,

Peter’s wallet. Paul’s purse.

Save, swindle, swap,

We called upon the curse.

 

Darkness with monsters deep,

Abyss, oh bottomless pit.

Fear your fragile strings,

I don’t jump; I quit.

The Truth About The Years Of Our Lives

The On Purpose podcast by Jay Shetty discussed how we go through “seasons” in life: Learn, Experiment, Perform, Struggle, Thrive. I also watched an episode of The Big Bang Theory where Leonard got a letter from his brother explaining all the great things that he had achieved. Leonard then started thinking about his own life and felt less-than compared. And so, I wanted to share my own thoughts on this.

The truth is, we can’t have a “good year” every year.

I’ve found that I’ve had on-and-off years for a while. 2014 was kind of good, 2015 was not. 2016 was good, 2017 was not. 2018 was good, 2019 has not been.

And perhaps this is just how it goes, not necessarily as neat as this, but we have good and bad years and that’s just how it is. We can’t always be in good periods…

 

Subjectivity and Perspective

Firstly, let’s just say that a “good year” is subjective. For some, a good year must include 5 different vacations, a new car, a raise from work, paying off the mortgage and skydiving for charity. While to someone else, a good year just means having fun with their loved ones.

It is up to us to decide if the year was good.

And in the same breath, we must know that we all have a habit of zooming in too much on one thing. That our years are filled with 12 months, 365 days and yet we only ever focus on a select few.

With a wider, more accurate perspective of our lives, we notice that there was probably more “good” in it than we remember. That our negativity bias would have us sooner focus on those bad months than the good ones.

 

Memory Bias

As I say, our minds aren’t perfect. We don’t remember things as they were; our memories are flawed. This means that our minds can choose to remember certain things and completely forget others. I know that my partner or my sister have said things that happened that I completely forgot about.

Our reality is a product of our perception; our perception of life is influenced by emotions, experiences and thoughts. Imperfect memories, temporary emotions, and unfiltered thoughts coming together to change the picture into something very skewed.

What we think we see and how we think we feel, may not be the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth!

At the end of each year, or even at the halfway points, I like to list the good things or the achievements from the year. But, of course, how are we to remember everything? Or remember things accurately when looking back after days, weeks and months have passed by in-between?

 

Comparison

And of course, you’re not going to think much of your own life when you compare it to everyone else’s. Take my brother, for example. From the outside looking in, his year has been amazing. Mine, not so much. Comparing mine to his (and with knowing his plans for next year), I feel jealous and look at my own year as a shit-show!

But if we take a moment to really see our own lives (or year) for what it really is, and stop looking around at everyone else’s Highlight Reel, we might just see how good our year was after all.

 

Honestly

We can’t always be in the winning season, that’s just the truth. Just because you’re not “winning” though, doesn’t mean you’re losing…

We have a greater appreciation for the good things in life and the high times, when we have a balance and a comparison with the bad.

I’m not saying that your year wasn’t bad. I know some people have had truly awful things happen this year, and I would never patronise you or take away from that pain. But it might be a bad year, or a bad few years, not a bad life. That a bad year doesn’t mean, as someone I love once said, “that the best years of life are gone now.”

Do your best with each year you’re blessed with. Make the most of each day. Try to shine a spotlight on the good. And accept and try to learn from or move past the bad.

That’s all you can do.

 

So, when thinking about this year and the coming of the New Year, think more widely. Think about your life and the years that lace together like a long, complex story. That you won’t always be thriving. You won’t always have exciting years or newness. Sometimes, it’s just about having woke up and smiled every day.

I hope you can see the good in this year; I know I’m trying to.

x

 

5 Things to Do Before Next Year (podcast)

There’s just over two weeks left of the year, which I believe is still plenty of time to do 5 more things to end the year in the right way. Here are 5 things to do before next year, as well as a sneak peek into my own personal intentions for 2020…

Click to play!

https://srcrawfordauthor.files.wordpress.com/2019/12/5-things-to-do-before-next-year.mp3

xx

Avant-garde (poem)

Avant-garde:

I’ve never really been one to do things

the right way.

The normal way.

No.

I break rules, not because I’m a rebel

but because the rules just don’t suit

me.

Is that wrong?

I’m sorry.

I’ve always been so sorry,

for being this way.

But not anymore.

I can’t keep apologising for

feeling the way I feel.

For seeing the world slightly differently

to you.

And I say “slightly” because it is

slight.

Just a small tilt of the head,

and you see what I see.

We’re not so different,

you and I.

But this year, finally, I want to try and be me.

I want to embrace the

unconventionality that I was born with.

 

Published author at 18?

Ok, yeah, that’s me!

I’m not ashamed of it, anymore.

So what? I tried, hard, to make my

dreams come true

as soon as I could.

I strived to be the very best:

An author like J.K. or an athlete like Kelly.

Nothing less, for me!

 

While the kids were out drinking in the park,

experimenting with their sexuality,

seeing how many bottles they could empty

before their stomachs

emptied,

I stayed home. I wrote stories.

 

University?

Oh yes, please!

I was ready. I was born for this.

Huge lecture halls, inspiring professors,

knowledge within every wall.

I was ready, but I was wrong.

University wasn’t what I wanted it to be.

It wasn’t for me.

And yes, I was brave enough to see that.

I was brave enough to do the outrageous thing:

to leave.

I’ve drifted since then.

I’ve been scared and unsure.

Was it wrong not to go back,

sooner?

While I was young and free?

I don’t know…

But this girl, she couldn’t do the easy thing!

Now, she tries again,

in her own way.

 

Self-employed at 23, wow!

Bust at 24…

Yikes!

But hey, you know, I tried.

I’m proud,

to have failed at something big.

Unconventional woman,

you fail a lot!

How brave you must be to do that!

How strange that you keep trying…

 

And how odd, it is, that even when you weren’t a student,

You still studied…

Why?

You read books and teach yourself new things.

Languages, histories, myths and philosophy.

You wrote essays, silly girl; you didn’t have to!

But you did.

You use your brain because you want to.

Asking questions, seeking answers,

even now.

And you wrote about every enlightenment;

Educator, you just had to share!

So excited by life and revelation.

Extending a helping hand, always.

 

Oh, but how you struggled.

You worked jobs you hated…

But you wrote in secret on your shifts!

Good girl.

And your eating problems,

your social anxiety,

who could fix it

but you?

So strong, so brave.

You did it!

 

Introverted and proud.

Not just any: an INFJ!

You’re in the lowest percentage, baby!

You’re unique.

Why did you ever,

ever,

try to be the same as the rest of them?

Why did you shrink? Hide? Fear?

You were born this way

for a reason.

You were born to do things

your way.

Pave your path

and then walk it, head held high.