S.R. Crawford's Blog, page 47

How to Enjoy Winter: 20 Good Things About Wintertime

It can be easy to slip into a low mood in the wintertime. S.A.D. (Seasonal Affected Disorder) is a real mental health issue, where the change in the seasons and the shorter days can cause us to feel depressed. I’ve suffered from this for years. However, if we try, we can see the good things that come with the colder months. Then, focusing on these little things can help us to make it through to Spring…

Here are 20 good things about the winter:

Hot showers
Reading nooks
Blankets and film marathons
Autumn leaves
Vibes fit for writing emotive poetry
Clear night’s sky
Cosy dressing gowns
Hot chocolates
Sitting by a fire and sharing stories
Christmas dinner
Slowing down
Christmas Day!
New Year/ New Calendar (fresh start/ rebirth, new goals, newness)
Harry Potter
Christmas films!
Snow and frost
Winter sports (take part or watch)
Christmas Markets
Fireworks
Gift giving

 

Enjoy this time of year and before you know it, the plants will come to life once more and we’ll be welcoming Spring…

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Guiding Motto for 2020 (podcast)

The New Year (and New Decade) is on its way, and so I’ve been thinking about what energy I want to bring into 2020. What to do I want to be the focus of my year? How will I do better than before? How will I be happy and healthy next year? I think I have my answer, my motto, my guiding idea for the new year…

“See things clearly…”

Click to play!

https://srcrawfordauthor.files.wordpress.com/2019/12/guiding-motto-for-2020.mp3

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Certainties and Uncertainties in Life

Today I was thinking: we all have our certainties and our uncertainties.

Let me explain…

We found out that a girl at work was married, aged 25. Some of the girls were shocked but then I thought about the many (more than I once expected) people I knew from school who are now married with kids already. And I realised: sometimes, you just know and you go for it.

The thing is, we all have things we’re sure about and things we have no idea about.

Those people were sure that they were in love and they wanted to settle down, get married and have kids at a young age. That’s totally fine.

Other people are sure they want a certain career, and so they put their all into that, for example.

I am sure I want to be a writer; I’ve never wavered from that idea. I am sure I want to be a mother one day, too. I am not sure about marriage or where I’ll settle down or if I want or need a university degree for my life’s path or what I’ll do in the meantime until I “make it” as a writer.

But that’s just me…

Why does this matter at all? Why are we talking about this? Well, I think we all have a tendency to do two things: judge and compare.

We judge other people for their life choices. We question why someone would settle down into the first job they get and plan to stay there indefinitely. Or why someone would have a child at the age of 20.

The truth is, we are all just certain about different things. We all prioritise and enjoy and experience things differently. There is no rulebook for life, as much as we might think there is. As long as someone is healthy and happy, I try not to care about or judge what they do.

And the same goes for comparisons. Don’t look at someone who is happily married with a house and kids and get jealous or compare it to your life as a single pringle. If you want those things, too, they will happen for you in your own time and in your own way. You may think you want it now, but maybe it’s best in the grand scheme of things, for you personally, to wait a while.

It might not be meant for you…yet. You just don’t know, and comparing and making yourself miserable isn’t going to make you feel any better or fix anything for you.

For example, I would love nothing more than to be a published author, financially stable, making a living doing what I love. But also, when I’m honest with myself, I’m not sure I’m ready for that just yet…

The expectation, pressure, standards, commitment, dedication, knowledge…it’s a lot. I know it will always be a lot, at first, but I also think that maybe I’m not quite the Siana I need to be yet: one, to write the book that gets me what I want; and two, to handle and enjoy and fit well into that lifestyle.

The thing is, I just don’t know. And neither do you.

All we can do is go forward with the things that we’re certain about, take a chance on the things that intrigue us, and perhaps wait and learn and grow with the things we’re not yet sure about.

Life is interesting that way, and no two lives can be compared so simply.

We’ll always have certainties and uncertainties. Sometimes these two things will switch places because you changed your mind. Life teaches us lessons all the time and provides signs as to what we should do. All we can do is pay attention, and try not to miss them.

 

Things to remember:

We are all different
We all have different wants, needs, priorities and values
We all have different timelines for seemingly the same things (e.g. when you’ll have kids or find the right career)
Comparison gets us nowhere and is the thief of joy
The grass seems greener on the other side, but that will always be the case no matter what you do if you keep looking at other people’s grass!
With intention, authenticity and self-awareness, you can never go too wrong with whatever you do in life

Some people are certain that they want to travel the world, but uncertain about who they love.

Some are certain that they want a teaching career, while being uncertain about how to look after themselves properly.

Some are certain they want to have a big family, but feel uncertain about friendships and hobbies.

We all have both, and that’s ok.

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New Woman (poem)

With all the new things that have happened to me, and the new clothes, new friends, new situations, I feel like I’m becoming a new woman, hence this poem…

 

New Woman

Who knew that a person could gain a new coat of paint?

And that this paint had the power to change

everything?

Clad in fresh clothes,

underwear that fits and flatters,

curves and clings,

in all the right places.

Damn, I look good!

Was this body here all along?

Was it, was I, hiding underneath the

greying white bras,

and knickers punctured with holes – how did they get there?

This coat, god, it was made

for me!

It’s heavy and thick

like an armour.

I’m ready for battle.

Ready for anything.

Oh, and these boots,

how I walk so tall in them – even without the heels!

Has my walk morphed into a strut?

Do I strut, now?

Wow…

And I bought these;

Me.

Not him.

Not mom.

Me.

With my money.

Bargain hunter, I might be,

but these clothes found me.

They knew I needed them.

Independent woman,

you’re back!

It’s nice to see you, again.

New woman, you’re rocking this fresh

skin.

It was always yours,

you just needed to shed the dead pieces

of you.

They see you now.

You can breathe again, now that you’re wearing a coat that

fits.

Employed, tick!

Studying hard, tick!

Growing, oh boy, tick!

Wielding that strong writer’s arm, flexing that creative muscle?

You bet’cha!

People, they gravitate towards this change in you.

They want to know you.

They want to know how you did it.

It’s a secret; your secret.

Shhh…

But really, here it is:

You just gotta be brave enough

to let go of the old,

and welcome the new.

Difficult decisions, perhaps, but

take that step, girlfriend.

The next right step.

And soon, in good time,

the right time, you’ll see

in the mirror

a new woman, born from the ashes.

For the Overthinkers: “Don’t think about it too much”

*WARNING: potential triggers*

I’m a thinker. My personality type is INFJ. I’m highly introverted and intuitive. I like to think. I can’t help but think. I contemplate life, people, meanings, and depth. My mind is geared this way.

But it’s a hard way to live.

If you’re not careful, thinking too much can be your downfall. It can kill you. It depresses and stresses you. It’s proven that more intelligent people are more likely to be depressed because they contemplate life more. They can see the meaninglessness in it all. And that kind of sucks.

Think about Rick from Rick and Morty. He is a Nihilistic thinker. That we are all just specks; life is meaningless; shit happens.

When I allow myself to think too much, I get low. I analyse all my life decisions, who I am, who others are, and what I’m meant to do. Lately, when I thought too much about studying again, I slowly, piece by piece, thought by thought, took all the excitement away and also thought myself into running away.

Because thinking isn’t living.

Thinking is good for studying, essays, blog posts, sharing deep ideas, emotive pieces of fiction, art, and the like. I’m a writer, thinking and feeling deeply is a great tool for that.

But not for life.

Thinking too much in everyday life is dangerous.

I get it, it’s also an illness. Anxious brains, depressed brains, certain mental disorders can cause us to obsess and ruminate over an idea to the point of anguish. I have that. But for some of us, this can be managed better. I am one of those people.

I have anxiety but it could be worse. I’ve seen it much worse in friends and people who used to come to my support groups. I’m not saying my own problems are invalid, of course, compared to others, but I am saying that I do have a certain level of control over my thoughts and I should be using that more often.

Actively trying to think less.

Now, anyone who has tried to meditate knows that sitting down and trying not to think isn’t easy! It’s a cycle of thinking about not thinking and then thinking you’re thinking and so beating yourself up for thinking when you shouldn’t be thinking!

But when we let go, surrender, and don’t force it, we know the meditation works better. To concentrate on something else (your breathing, a mantra, a candle, a song, ambient sound, humming etc). If you find yourself thinking off-topic, gently bring yourself back to something else without judgement or anger.

And it’s not just that, it’s about doing instead of thinking.

In a thinking spiral? Get up and do something:

Clean
Read
Create
Exercise
Walk the dog
Dance and sing to your favourite music
Speak with a friend
Do a puzzle or play a game

Because we must be honest, some of us like thinking. Like I say, introverts, intuitive people, deep feelers etc are naturally inclined to think more than extroverts and doers.

Neither is right or wrong, bad or good. I have always said that I believe in balance. That you should find a happy middle for yourself personally between thinking and doing in a healthy, practical, appropriate way for your life. Like I say, my job as a writer requires a lot more thinking than, say, someone whose work involves building houses or caring for animals!

And so, it’s your job to recognise when you are thinking too much. To be aware of how your thinking is making you feel. And then to stop it in its tracks and do something else instead.

When low, practice the mantra “don’t think about it too much” because if you do, and you feed it, and you sit in it for too long, you’re dooming yourself.

Life can’t be thought into making sense.

Epiphanies aren’t reached that way; happiness doesn’t come from thinking for hours on end.

And so, my mantra for 2020, I think, will be to think less, do more.

 

Good luck xx

 

If you need any help in bettering your mental health, or better coping with anxiety, depression, and stress, then my book “You’re As Mad As I Am” may be for you. Check it out here, and download a free sample to see what it’s all about.

Check out my FREE downloadable workbooks that can walk you through emotions, mental wellness, confidence, low moods and more.

Waking from My Slumber (poem)

In light of this week’s podcast episode about remembering who you are, I wrote this poem about myself and how I want to do just that, remember who I am, in 2020…

 

Waking from My Slumber

It would be a great shame

to forget that I once ran races,

arms fast at my sides,

legs moving unnaturally,

feet so sure of where to go and how to get there.

And I won, those races,

every time.

I was an athlete;

A damned good athlete.

Until I wasn’t.

Oh, and how I used to write

so unfiltered and free.

Writing because I wanted to,

had to.

It was in my blood.

I shared my stories,

my worlds,

my characters,

with all who would listen.

And proudly, too.

Should I have published, back then?

Who’s to say?

But ever since,

writing has meant so much…

more.

There’s a hesitancy,

a fear,

an over-analysis of each,

sentence.

How sad it is to be

crippled, so?

That happy little geek,

who would speak and seek with glee,

she’s gone now.

Confident student,

sitting in class,

she knows things.

Though she doesn’t share.

She knows things;

knows she’ll go far.

What happened to her?

Where did she go?

Who is she now?

I forget.

I forgot what it was like to

run wild.

I forgot that I was once

strong and sure.

I forgot that a person could wield words

just because.

I forgot that creating and sharing,

was supposed to be fun.

I forgot that I used to be

excited.

Excited by this show and that world and magic.

Oh, the magic.

I lost it all.

I lost me.

But next year, oh this new decade upon us,

could I, perhaps, remember?

Could I, perhaps, be me,

again?

Not you.

Not her.

Not weak.

Not scared.

But me.

Just me.

The old me.

The true me.

The me I was meant to be.

Strong, fit, sure.

Creative, wordsmith, storyteller.

Happy, friendly, geeky.

Girl, you have it inside.

Young lady, I hope you’re still in

there.

I will be waking you, soon.

 

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Remember Who You Are (podcast)

We’re in the last month of 2019 and a new year (and a new decade!) is on its way. This means that we should begin to pay attention to ourselves and our lives. No, I’m not talking about the ever-popular “New Year, New Me” rhetoric, but instead about remembering who you are…

Click to play!

https://srcrawfordauthor.files.wordpress.com/2019/12/remember-who-you-are.mp3

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Catastrophising: What it is and how to stop

Catastrophising is when you “view or present a situation as considerably worse than it actually is.”

I do this a lot! As someone with anxiety and who has been through depression many times, I’ve been told this term in my CBT sessions. That a common thing for us to do when low or anxious is to view things as worse than they are.

To think yourself into believing in the coming of the end of the world, often at your own hands…

When we catastrophise, we are indecisive about our life decisions. We take the options in front of us (often thinking up more options or less than appropriate) and overthink about them to the point of obsession. And then, of course, we put too much pressure and weight on these options.

Catastrophising means overthinking every move you make or thought you have. We are in a state of making things harder than they need to be or actually are.

Will your world end if you take a job you end up hating?

Will your world end if you hate a party you attend and want to go home?

Will your world end if someone disagrees or doesn’t like you?

Will your world end if you make the wrong choice?

The answer is no.

 

Of course, there are some decisions that are huge. Things like divorce, having a child, healthcare or treatment options, and the like that hold a lot of weight. It is for these moments that we should reserve our real fears and anxiety. But even then, it’s likely, at times, that the decision may still not be as bad as you’re thinking it is.

It all comes down to the fear that your life will be doomed from a poor decision or an incorrect step. That there are situations where you can choose so badly that that’s it, it’s over, you’re done for!

But that’s not the case.

“The world is not on your shoulders, unless put it there…”

If you make the wrong decision, you can decide differently next time. If you end up unhappy or in pain, you can make a change and fix it. Life is often not to black and white. We could all do with taking it less seriously at times.

 

If, like me, you have an anxiety disorder, then it is likely that you catastrophise a lot. If you don’t, it’s still likely that you will catastrophise at some point. If this post resonated with you and felt familiar, then take a moment to just recognise this in your life.

The best way to stop catastrophising is to be aware of when you’re doing it and then take a breath, step back, and look for the truth (facts, figures, evidence) to support or deny the situation you feel you’re in.

Is it really as bad as you think? Are the options (or lack) in front of you really the only ones you have? Is there something (other people, fear, past experiences, emotions) influencing your feeling of doom?

Step away from the situation or problem or decision and come back with a clearer head later on. Emotions are important, but sometimes they can run-ragged and make us see things through a clouded veil of false-truths.

Clear the veil, adjust your perspective, and get real with yourself.

You can do this! x

 

*If you have anxiety, this will not be easy to do, trust me. But with practice, we can get better at it. Challenge your thoughts actively; it’s a muscle you can work on.*

 

Workbooks to consider downloading to help you through feelings of the past:

Life Gunk Journaling workbook

The Low Mood Workbook

How to Stop Feeling Stuck

If you need any help in bettering your mental health, or better coping with anxiety, depression, and stress, then my book “You’re As Mad As I Am” may be for you. Check it out here, and download a free sample to see what it’s all about.

 

What if life isn’t a Masterpiece or a Book?

People like to throw around the cliches that life is a masterpiece, or life is a book. And this masterpiece or book is solely yours to craft.

You are the artist; you are the author of your life.

But what if this idea sounds nice and all, but it’s flawed?

For me, thinking about my life as a masterpiece or a book puts all this pressure on me to make it a good one. To make it perfect. Because, after all, masterpieces are supposed to be the very best we can do, right?

And so, it’s a nice idea but I think there’s a better way to look at it…

What if, instead, we called it an experiment? Like the first draft of a book, if anything. What if we saw it as this thing that needn’t be perfect, or linear, or simple, or structured, or anything else. Just an experiment; just a “let’s see what happens if I…”

 

Curiosity

Treating life as an experiment means you’re allowing your curiosities to lead you. You have passions, interests, or questions in life and you go towards them with curiosity. This lets go of the fear of failure, and just allows you to see what happens for the simple reason that you want to just see what happens!

Fun, right?

 

Life Experience

With every curiosity that we follow, we gain experience. Experimenting with life is about going out and doing things and seeing what sticks. You gain life experience this way, being able to say “I’ve done this thing and that thing” and even if it wasn’t perfect or what you expected, you can still say you’ve done it and then close the door on that “what if” afterwards.

 

Imperfection

Experimenting with life leaves room for imperfection. It doesn’t ask your every move to be monumental and life-changing. It doesn’t say that you must be this amazing person with a flawless life. It says that it’s okay to dip your toe into many waters to find which sea you truly belong in.

 

Childlike wonder

Just like curiosity, this idea ignites a sense of childlike wonder. When we were children, we didn’t worry so much about whether what we were interested in was going to be the “right thing” for us. If we wanted to do it, we just did it to see what it was like!

And of course, as adults we have responsibilities but does that mean we can’t ever take calculated risks? We can’t ever follow our interests? We can’t ever try and fail and shift and try again?

 

Gathering information

Because trying and trying again at different things is a brilliant way to gather information. That’s what experiments are all about. Trial and error; taking a theory, testing it, gaining information.

Life can be this way, too.

You have an idea or a curiosity or a dream, you try it out and gain information on whether that was good and right for you or not. And then, something amazing happens; you get answers! You live your life with no regrets or “what ifs” because you actually tested things out and got the answers to those life questions.

 

Learning who you are

And this information becomes a way to truly learn who you are and what you can do. How are you to know that you’re an amazing baseball player if you never follow your curiosity about playing baseball? How are you to know that you are an amazing business owner if you never give it a shot?

Self-actualisation is all about reaching your highest potential. Becoming the best version of yourself by exploring, testing, trying, working hard, and doing what you are called to do.

“Someone once told me the definition of hell; on your last day on earth, the person you could have become will meet the person you became.”

Don’t leave unanswered questions in your life. Don’t settle!

 

Exploration of self

The only way, really, to become your best self is to explore the idea of self. To not ever be fixed in who you think you are. To not just decide that “this is me, that’s it”.

Be flexible, be openminded, be adaptive.

Once upon a time, I’d never have thought that I’d be someone who would become self-employed. I wouldn’t have thought I’d ever have a partner who loves me. I’d never have thought I could speak in public, love eating all kinds of foods, parasail over the Atlantic, or travel to Africa. But I’ve done those things.

Who you are should never be fixed. Have a Growth Mindset about all areas of yourself and your life.

 

Pressure off

Seeing life as an experiment takes the pressure off. It kind of removes this idea that there is some perfect thing or decision or destination that we’re all rushing to in order to be happy. It just says, “Hey, let’s just see what it feels like to do X” or “I want to just see what happens if I dare to do X.”

It embraces the idea of taking life less seriously.

That not every choice we make is life or death, success or failure, happiness or sadness.

If you think you know your purpose, then great, follow it. But also don’t be so strict about what you think you are supposed to be doing. I want to write books but maybe I could step back a little and say, “my purpose is to tell stories” Now, this can be done in a multitude of ways. It’s less strict, less pressure, less perfect; and more free, open, and exciting!

 

Always a beginner and a student

And lastly, the idea of life being an experiment allows us to be a beginner. To be imperfect and unsure and vulnerable, but to know that it’s okay to be those things. That the comfort zone isn’t comfortable, really, it’s familiar. Outside our comfort zone might just be everything we’ve been searching for.

And if we are students of life, we are always learning. Always growing. Always challenging ourselves and ideas. Thinking with a Growth Mind over a Fixed one. Taking ideas and running with them in an experimental, investigative, intrigued and curious way.

Now that sounds nice to me.

 

So, what do you think? Do you prefer to think of life this way? As an experiment instead of a Masterpiece or a Book? I’m a creative type, and so naturally I like the idea of a work of art being the metaphor for my life. But as someone with many interests and who wants to live a very good life, I prefer to think of it as an experiment. Something I can test and try and work with in all ways to find what truly fits.

 

Hope you liked this, speak again soon x

 

Pick Your Battles (podcast)

Sometimes in life, we can become used to fighting. Fighting against others, fighting against our lifestyle, fighting against ourselves. But when we step back, put down our weapons, and take a deep breath, we might just realise there’s nothing for us to fight at all…

Click to play!

https://srcrawfordauthor.files.wordpress.com/2019/11/pick-your-battles.mp3

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