S.R. Crawford's Blog, page 50

Honest Life Update: Anxiety, Low Mood & Confusion (Podcast)

I want to always be honest with you guys and so, to be honest, I’ve not been too great lately. With anxiety, regular low moods, and confusion about my circumstances, I haven’t been myself. And so, I wanted to explain why and also share my thoughts about the decline in mental health, empathy, and honesty in general…

Click to play!

https://srcrawfordauthor.files.wordpress.com/2019/10/my-life-update-anxiety-low-mood-confusion.mp3

xx

If you need any help in bettering your mental health, or better coping with anxiety, depression, and stress, then my book “You’re As Mad As I Am” may be for you. Check it out here, and download a free sample to see what it’s all about.

Check out my FREE downloadable workbooks that can walk you through emotions, mental wellness, confidence, low moods and more.

 

Calling Yourself 5 Years Ago: What I Would Say to 19-Year-Old Me

What would you say to your 5 years ago self if you were able to speak to them on the phone for 5 minutes? Who were you 5 years ago? What were you doing? How does it compare to now? And if you could speak to that version of yourself, what would you say?

I’m 24, so 5 years ago I was 19. Back then, I was lost, unconfident, low and unsure. I was at university and wanting to quit.

 

If I could speak to 19-year-old Siana, I’d say…

“Hey, Siana. I know you’re suffering right now. I know you’re unsure about your life. I know you think you’ve made yet another mistake. It wasn’t a mistake. You had to do this to know that it was the wrong thing for you. I forgive you, so forgive yourself. And it’s not so bad, things work out okay. You end up doing so many things, meeting so many people. 

There are going to be times when you get really low. When you want to give up on life. When you want to turn off the lights and not leave your bed. You will forget to eat, forget how to sleep, and push people away. You will feel like the epitome of failure and hopelessness. But it’s not real. It’s an illness and it’s not real.

You have so much that you’ve yet to do. So much you’ve yet to feel.

You’re going to heal. You’re going to learn about yourself and realise some hard but healing truths. You’re going to realise your worth and start speaking up for yourself. You’re going to speak up for others, too. You’re going to share your hardships and advice as you heal, helping others to do the same.

And gosh, in just 5 years you’re going to be unrecognisable to the person you are now. Not in a bad way, in a good one. All the best parts of your remain (the kindness, the love for writing, the helper, the creative) but you will switch out a lot of hurt and fear and uncertainty for wholeness, truth, and bravery. 

You’re going to read great books. You’re going to write exciting ones, too. You’re going to eat food you never thought you would, and not get anxious so much about socialising. You’re going to live with and love your partner, with your fluffy fur-baby Joey there too! You’re going to love those playful idiots so much, and realise just how much you need them to stay grounded and not lose yourself again.

You will see great things, experience great things, and have so much life inside of you again.

You’re going to feel lost again, though, but know that this time, your internal compass is stronger and you trust yourself. That even though the road isn’t yet clear, you trust yourself to try your best and keep going.

So, thank you for staying strong. Thank you for making hard decisions for me. 

I advise you now to start loving yourself sooner. This means getting to know yourself, trusting yourself, letting others love you, creating without fear, standing in your truth, and above all, forgiving yourself for not being perfect.

Because, Siana, you are perfect to me. A perfect part of my story that couldn’t have, and shouldn’t have, gone any other way. Be brave, and soon enough, you’ll be me and I’ll be someone else, 5 years later, hopefully having learned and grown so much more.

And isn’t that just so exciting? Take care, kid.”

 

*I’m crying!*

 

And so, I want you to think about what you would say to yourself 5 years ago.

What advice would you give?

Assurances?

Thanks?

Kindness or forgiveness?

It’s a great exercise; emotional and inspiring. Give it a go. Write a letter or journal about it.

xx

Experimenting with Life: Following Your Curiosities

As I grow older, I’m starting to loosen my grip on my life. When I was young, I was very hardworking, high-strung and felt like any moments of little control or structure were to be avoided. Now, not so much.

I’m learning to take life (at least a little) less seriously.

Taking life less seriously means finding more of a balance between controlling, planning and working hard while playing, going with the flow, and taking uncertain risks.

I say taking risks carefully because again, with age, I’m learning that there’s a difference between taking a leap of faith and taking calculated risks. It’s important to do things that you’re unsure about if it makes you happy or could lead to a fruitful, dream-achieving life, but you also need to know how you’ll survive no matter what may happen.

As Liz Gilbert says, “Be child-like in the pursuit of life, not childish.”

But let’s talk about the “child-like” part. I believe it’s important to maintain balance, as I said, but people like me can sometimes struggle with the other end of the balance: play, curiosity, and experimentation.

We all have to be a little more attentive to our interests and curiosities. I think some of us can get scared about taking uncertain roads or walking a path that is in a completely different direction to what we expected or wanted.

Like, if I suddenly were interested in being a gym instructor, I would probably dismiss it because I’m so sure that I want to be a writer. To follow some other path, even a little (like as a hobby) would seem like a personal betrayal, or that I’d derail my whole life.

But really, it’s not that serious!

Choosing to do something, or try something, does not mean you must stop everything else. I could always gym-it-up while still writing. If (weirdly) I started loving the gym more and got certified and took on clients and suddenly I didn’t want to write anymore, then so be it. As long as I was happy, what would be the issue?

I think it comes down to expectations and the vision we have of what our lives are going to be. If something new comes along that’s unexpected and seems completely out of character or mismatched, we dismiss it for the fact that it “doesn’t fit in with the life plan“.

But what if that thing, that curiosity or interest, was destined for you? What if it would have changed your life for the better; made you and your loved ones happy and fulfilled and full of life? But you just dismissed it because it was odd…

I get it, it can feel like a waste of time or a call for shame and pain if it goes wrong. But truly, think about it, what’s the worst that could happen? As long as there’s not a chance of death or homelessness or something tragic, then what’s the harm in pursuing an interest just to see what happens?

If it fails or doesn’t work out, you do something else.

If it works out and you love it, you’re living life happily!

Seems like there’s no real pitfall, to me.

Not very often are we told to just go for it. Our parents and teachers want stability and security for us, naturally, and so things like playing with life and being curious and going with the flow, aren’t usually words they utter when giving advice.

And so, allow me: if you’re feeling out of balance, out of alignment, lost, or unmotivated and unfulfilled, you should try to experiment with life more. Play with it, have a “love affair” with it (as Liz Gilbert says), and follow your curiosities without fear.

 

How to experiment with life:

Be more creative – creativity is for everyone and comes in many forms
Any thoughts, interests, inspiration, intrigue, or passions? TRY THEM!
Ever wondered “what if?” or “wouldn’t it be cool to…”? Then do that thing
Don’t let others tell you what you must do; don’t live by other people’s rules
Have a foundation of safety (security, don’t put yourself in awful situations) but try out whatever brings you joy
Get a hobby – it’s important to have more than just work in our lives
Meet new people, take in other ways of life, other opinions and perspectives
Get quiet and still and pay attention to what you may be desiring underneath all the hecticness of your everyday life

 

I love hearing how other people live. Reading characters with cool jobs or quirks. It’s fascinating as a typical woman with a typical family, to hear the wonderful experiences that other people have frequently that would be so out of the norm for someone like me.

Like working with wild animals every day. Travelling to irregular countries like Paraguay, Estonia, or Greenland! Living in a home-bus. Having a rich heritage with a fascinating culture that involves wonderful festivities and traditions.

If you choose to play with life, you, too, could have a great story. One of wonder, limitlessness, freedom, fun, and beauty. I have to say, one of my deepest fears is a boring life. One where each year is the same. One where I’m not excited to wake up. One where someone else dictates what I do each day. One without dreams or hope or meaning. If playing with life helps to avoid this, I will do it more often, that’s for sure!

Let go of the wheel and see which road may take you to something fantastic…

Experiment with life, follow your curiosities, play the game and see what you may win by living life with abandon.

Not Everything You See Is REAL (Video)

I just wanted to take a moment to help you reflect on the fact that not everything you see online or wherever else is the real, full picture…

Click to play!

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Thanks x

Back to Basics: What to Do When Feeling Low

I find that when I’m feeling low within myself (either sad or anxious or just off), I tend to catastrophise. To think that I’m doomed, I can’t possibly get past it, and I’ll feel this way forever. I don’t think I’m alone in this.

Firstly, let me say this: there’s a difference between depression and sadness. And, there’s nothing wrong with negative emotions.

If you feel depressed, as in you have felt very low for a long time, I suggest you seek professional help and guidance.

If you are feeling “negative” emotions like sadness, fear, jealousy, shame, anger, or the like, then don’t try to suppress or deny these. These emotions have a role to play, too. We can’t be happy or excited or feel “positive” emotions all the time. Negative emotions are important for balance, self-knowledge, and just being human.

However, if you are feeling low and you wish to perk yourself up a bit, it could be helpful to simply get back to basics. Ask yourself the following and you just might be able to shift your low mood.

 

Sleep

Have you had enough sleep lately? I often find that feeling tired can make me feel low, too. Having little energy makes us feel weak and can leave us feeling overwhelmed by the day’s tasks ahead. Therefore, ensuring you get enough sleep could be the fix you need to start feeling better.

 

Eat

Have you eaten well today? Have you had enough to eat and have you eaten the right foods? Energy-giving foods are important for our mood regulation, too. Eating certain foods can increase anxiety and tiredness. Be mindful of what you are putting into your body.

I find that when I’m hungry, I feel anxious more.

 

Water

When you haven’t had enough water, you can feel drained and unfocused. You can feel sick, get headaches and feel weak. If you’re feeling low or anxious, try to stay as hydrated as possible and it just might alleviate some of the icky feelings.

 

Activity

Spending all day doing nothing is a great way to feel low or anxious. Our minds, when bored, can often wonder and imagine and basically create problems or fixate on things in order to occupy the time! Make sure to keep yourself productive or at least doing something.

We all need rest and breaks, but we shouldn’t be doing nothing for long periods of time, especially not if we’re feeling low or anxious.

So, read or have a tidy-up or go for a walk.

 

Social

Sometimes our icky feelings can come from too much alone time. We need the appropriate amount of social interaction to our personal needs. Extroverts need a lot more than introverts, so it’s important to know who you are and what you need to feel healthy and happy.

Have you interacted with anyone today? Have you been overwhelmed by too much social interaction? Adjust accordingly.

 

Outdoors

And lastly, you may be feeling low or anxious because you’ve been cooped up inside all day. No matter the weather or time of year, you should always aim to get out of the house every day at least in some way.

I work from home but I leave the house every day for at least 30 minutes to walk my dog, and since having him and doing so, I’ve felt much happier and healthier within myself.

 

There you are, some ideas about basic ways to alleviate low mood or anxious feelings, or what could be causing low moods and anxiety. Let me know if any of these helped.

Take care x

How to Make Life Interesting (Podcast)

I’ve been thinking lately about life and how some people are living such cool ones. I think we can get caught up being too strict and serious about life and our decisions, but by stepping back we can take it less seriously and actually enjoy it.

Here are some ideas about how to make life interesting, treat it as an experiment, and have some fun damn it!

(More posts on this idea to come!)

Click to play!

https://srcrawfordauthor.files.wordpress.com/2019/10/how-to-make-life-interesting.mp3

 

x

 

Think About It: What Would Your Role Model Do?

In times of struggle or indecision, ask yourself, what would the most important or influential person you know do in that situation?

 

As in…

What would Jesus do?

What would Beyonce do?

What would mom do?

What would J.K. Rowling do?

What would Oprah do?

What would Brene Brown do?

 

I’ve heard this before and it sounds silly, but it could work when you’re in a time in your life where you really don’t know what to do. Or when you’re faced with a difficult decision with a lot of fear involved. Simply taking a moment to think about the people you admire and see as role models can help you to decide in the right direction for what you want your life to be.

 

And it’s not just real people or alive people; it can be fictitious people or dead people, too.

What would Hermione do?

What would Tyrion do?

What would Gandhi do?

What would Woody do?

 

Consider this:

People who have given you great advice before
Podcasts or YouTubers you love
Books you’ve read
Teachers you’ve had
Mentors
World Leaders
Daring, brave people
Good-hearted, fair people

And it’s not just what they’d do, it could be what they’d say, who they’d choose, or how they would advise you if they were right there in front of you.

 

So, when you are next thinking about something too much or are afraid of something, ask yourself what your role model would do in that situation. And then, do as they would!

Good luck! x

 

 

 

Autumn Bucket List 2019

It’s Autumn and the days are shorter and colder. I love this time of year in general, but I know for some it can feel a little sad, too.

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Here are 10 things you can do this time of year to enjoy the colder months:

Watch Horror films around Halloween
Have a bonfire; marshmallows, hot drinks, and stories around a fire
Read and/or watch Harry Potter
Go on a long crisp Autumn walk, crunching leaves as you go
Build a cosy blanket fort and watch films all-day
Try a seasonal coffee
Book a city break
Wear your favourite boots and scarves (buy new ones if you want!)
Carve pumpkins with your friends
Binge-watch TV or films: Stranger Things, Friends, 90s Films, Game of Thrones, Fantastic Beasts, (anything magic, horror, fantasy, or makes you think of your childhood!) 

 

I hope you enjoy this time of year and make the most of the last of 2019! It can be fun and productive if you choose to make it so. You got this!

x

My Decision to Study Again

Many of you may know that in 2015 I dropped out of university for the second time in my life. If you don’t know the story, you can read it here (my university story) and I’ll be referring to it in this post, too.

For those of you who may be interested, here is how I came to the decision to start studying again.

My brief uni experience before:

Moved away for uni in 2013, dropped out after panic attacks in the first week and returned home
Went back in 2014, but studied at a local uni and stayed at home; studied Psychology with Criminology
Around Christmas time I doubted the uni and course
Chose to see the year through to get my 120 credits and certificate
I was lonely; I didn’t have any real friends
I felt bored
I felt like I was pushing myself up a hill without any purpose
I just wanted to write
Considered switching course to English and Creative Writing, but didn’t.

Something about jumping onto another course, switching paths yet again, just didn’t sit right with me…

 

Missteps

I felt pressure to decide something once again. That once again, I had made a misstep with university and needed to right a wrong.

But it wasn’t a wrong I was ready to right.

I didn’t want to try my hand at university for the third year in a row. It felt like I was taking a step, saying “whoops not that way”, then taking another step, and being like “whoops wrong again”, and then I just wasn’t prepared to take yet another step and have that potentially be the wrong thing, too.

I was exhausted from thinking about how to make university work for me when it seemed like a losing battle.

If you ask me now if I have any regrets about this whole issue, I say no. Questions, ifs, buts, and maybes – yeah. But no regrets.

My only rumination about it now is this: If only I’d chosen to study at my local uni the first time around. If only I’d chosen to study English and Creative Writing the first time around. Maybe, just maybe, I’d be a graduate now…

But there’s no way for me to know the answer to that.

Gap Year

In a way, I see the 4.5 years since 2015 as an extended “Gap Year“. A time to get to know myself outside of formal education. A time to explore, create, love, be free, and discover.

This breathing space was what I needed, even if I didn’t know that that was what I was doing at the time.

You see, when I dropped out that second time, I thought, “I’ll take another route to become a famous writer. I’ll write and read and publish; I’ll find a job without a degree in the meantime and just keep going towards my dream.”

This wasn’t wrong. It was true and what I intended to do; it was a good plan.

But I see it now as simply a time to try my hand at many things. To see what I could do, who I could be, without having an authority figure tell me what to do. Because yeah, essentially, teachers and examiners do expect certain things from you. At this level of study, you are freer to do what you want, but you do have to follow a rulebook.

This “gap year” was my chance to be free from a rulebook for once. To see who Siana was, and what she could do, when facing a blank page.

 

Who I am

As I say, the time away from university was very much about self-discovery and confidence. In school, I was an anxious, depressed, unsure girl. At uni those two times, I was just as fragile. Just as uncertain.

But now, I’m so much stronger, braver, more confident, resilient, and self-assured.

I feel like I know myself a lot more now, and going on that journey outside of education is hard but very important. You see, for some people (if they’re not careful), formal education can make them grow up quite sheltered from the real world. Thinking that things are easy, scripted, and linear.

Life is not that way at all. And so, I think that taking time away before studying has (and will) help me to see from a different perspective and be ready for the world in ways sheltered graduates at 21 wouldn’t necessarily be.

 

Why now?

The only thing left to answer is why now? Why 4.5 years later? Why at this point in my life at 24 years of age?

I feel ready now…

Being the anal overthinker that I am, I backtracked over the 4 and a half years since and listed what I did in that time.

In 2015, I was fresh out, and so that was my 6 months of adjustment. In 2016, I became the Mental Health advocate that I am today; publishing my first self-help book, doing speaking events, blogs and YouTube. This was when I became more serious about marketing my published works and writing as a professional. I also began travelling in 2016.

2017 was a weird one, but I got my first full-time writing office job. I also went to Africa and France. 2018 was all about freelancing, as I went self-employed in Feb of that year. It was a great year for writing professionally, alongside discovering myself and growing. I read unlike I ever had before. And with my partner, we travelled to Italy, Portugal, and the Netherlands. Best year for holidays!

But 2019…this has been a…transitional year…

2015 = Adjust to real world

2016 = Mental Health community

2017 = Real professional writing job

2018 = Freelancing career & travelling 

2019 = Rediscovering what I want and need

The only good thing from 2019 has been my amazingly focused writing. I’ve written so much this year! I mean, in 2018 I wrote two middle-grade fantasy novels (both in around 1-2 months). But this year was a heavy content publishing year.

My site filled up so fast!

The reason for this is because after I lost clients and started to define my niche and find the right people, I was given a lot of free time. I started to read a lot, learn a lot, and self-explore and grow.

At the time, I was happy and going along with it while crying and praying for clients so that I could earn again. But now, I realise it was about something else…

Preparing me for this next step.

Writing thousands of words a day, teaching myself things, taking that information and then sharing it with others, was the practice I needed to study again.

Learning how to be self-motivated, dedicated, focused and disciplined despite not having any real routine or deadlines or boss/teachers, has proven to me that I can study again. Last year, or the years before, I’m not so sure I could have.

I was a different person then…

Now

Now, I know how to handle my anxiety and depression in ways I couldn’t back then.

I know a lot more about myself and I’m semi-confident in that person.

I know what my interests are, strengths are, weaknesses, insecurities, emotions and the like and how to work on them.

I’m not afraid to study English due to the volume of books I have to read for the course. I’m not afraid that I’m “just a fantasy writer who can’t write anything else.”

I know that I’m self-motivated and disciplined. I know more about my craft and the industry; I feel like it’s where I belong and I’m excited to learn more and grow with the help of a university.

I’m 25 next year and so I think it’s about time I stopped living with uncertainty and had some solid foundations to stand on for once.

(I don’t consider the time I’ve spent away from education as “drifting” – as one relative once put it. Drifting gives the impression that it was aimless, but it wasn’t. I knew what I wanted, I just tried to find another path to getting it. Now, this is me choosing yet another potential path to getting to still the same goal.)

I’m not ashamed to admit, though it’s a sad truth, that having a degree can help you in life. I accept that and it’s simply time that I get one to help me and my family be secure, even before I’m a published author selling books for a living.

 

Why do this?

Self-development
Confidence (I feel insecure about my intelligence, writing ability and lack of a degree sometimes)
Knowledge
Hone my writing craft
Credibility and qualifications that I may need
Security blanket, plan B, and safety if the published author plan doesn’t work out in the foreseeable future
Just to try my hand at something new and see if it works…

 

Oh, and I won’t be doing it in a conventional way, of course! I’m studying with the Open University part-time distance learning. This provides the flexibility and freedom that I think I need with this next chapter.

Let’s see what it brings…

Wish me luck!

 

(With being busy studying, I may not be uploading as frequently as I used to on my platform. We’ll see how it goes, but I thank you for your patience in advance!)

 

Recognising Your Life’s Patterns

Learned behaviours, habits, defaults, emotional reactions, schemas, they are all patterns. A string of connected things that come together to form what you do and who you are. Day to day, we are choosing things for ourselves, consciously or subconsciously.

Today I’ve briefly covered the topic of the patterns in our lives and what we may be allowing to happen due to poor self-awareness and not taking action to break negative patterns.

Click to play!

https://srcrawfordauthor.files.wordpress.com/2019/09/recognising-your-lifes-patterns.mp3