Dave Rudbarg's Blog, page 9

Bow Wow Wow

Allow me to blow up one of the most cynical ,useless and oft repeated cliches-

“You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.”

What nonsense. I find that the older I get,the more present I become to what practices in my life don’t work- and actually never have.

They were based on ego- or lack of- beliefs about not mattering – or being unworthy or trying to look good. Invariably my practices were evidence of who I was resigned to being.

Thank God for community. Thank God for books. Thank God for social media.

Mostly thank you God for always reminding me how clueless I am about what I actually need to experience,give up,adopt,integrate or surrender to.

And thank you God for continually expanding my communities – and keeping my heart wide open.

Mad love from the old dog.

Bow wow wow yippee yo- yippie yay……..

And so it is……

Namaste,y’all….

@CoachMeDave

The Impact of Outcome

The next time you are truly bothered by someone not liking you or seeing you as credible or authentic or lovable or powerful or sexy or as the perfect romantic partner- stop and consider all the folks you don’t see that way either.

A forced or tolerated outcome is ten times more painful in the long run- and life at its best is all about the long run.

And so it is.

@CoachMeDave

What I Really Do

I’m not sure that I’ve ever really communicated how fulfilling I find being a coach- or whatever it is I do. I’m not sure that coach is really the right word.

I’m a listener. I’m a conscious listener. I’m a conscience listener.

I’m a flashlight for people’s blind spots. I’m a trigger for their repressed,suppressed and unexpressed emotions,beliefs and communications.

I validate and appreciate the undistinguished magnificence and divinity we so often do not see in ourselves – and only choose to see in a very very few.

I’m the father,the brother,the son,the husband you’ve struggled to meet and know in others or in yourself.

And I’m the child inside of you- scared,longing,loving confused,and just wanting playmates.

And what ultimately I am is a stand for intimacy,authenticity,peace and connection.

Which is also why I sing- but I digress…….

Later,gator……….

@Namaste

@CoachMeDave

Absence And Completion

Sometimes the best thing we can do is not say what we think. Our opinion and perception might not be what someone really needs to hear in the moment-and if our presence isn’t the clean pure expression that you know is needed-our absence might be a true act of love. Authenticity without resolution and compassion isn’t a contribution. Create resolution completion and love wherever possible, in a quiet,private respectful way.

You never know when it’s too late to do so.

@CoachMeDave

Roles and Red Flags

When a relationship becomes a job- someone is the employee and someone is the boss. The possibility of partnership,intimacy, and respect is greatly reduced.The red flag to watch for early on is whether your potential partner sees the two of you as peers or parent and child.

Notice reactions . Step over nothing. Call a spade a spade.

The shame of selling out for supposed ease will rock your very soul ,slowly and profoundly. Allow the pain of loneliness in. It will teach you lessons you need to learn about humility and appreciation. You will become the kind of person you’ve always wanted to meet- and never dreamed you might one day be.

@CoachMeDave

A Toast

Here’s to the rude,the pushy and the impolite.

To the know it alls.

To the busybodies.

To the opinionated.

To the sticking their noses into other folks business types

To the ones who watch out for and about their neighbors

To the ones who are mocked and judged for their clumsiness

In the way they dance the dance of life.

Here’s to many of us.

Here’s to more of us then we’d care to admit.

@CoachMeDave

Jaded

Be wary of the jaded. The world weary. The deflectors. The ones who seem to reject all sorts of acknowledgements of their talents and the value they bring.

They know better. They carry the disappointments,rejections and betrayals with them everywhere- and only value the contributions of those they deem worthy. They are hurting. They are angry. They are confused. They feel justified.

So,as a practice,before you wax rhapsodic-

ask- “How do you feel about positive feedback?” – and then really listen to the answer- and act appropriately. Otherwise you may share in a thoroughly unsatisfying experience.

@CoachMeDave

Blind Items Creating Connection

Back in the day,gossip columns would post somewhat descriptive ,yet vague items about celebrities,that they couldn’t directly identify.

Here are a few from me-

If the shoe fits-private message me. repost any that fit your life…..

1- The only time you’ve ever seen me sing was when we shared a bill together. I’d appreciate it if you came to one of my shows to get the full picture. I’d be really honored.

2- We did seminars together between 1993 and 2008. Along the way I “offered” my opinion/coaching without being asked- and given that my life wasn’t working on a number of levels- I’m sure I offended/drove away a lot of people. If you are one of them- contact me offline.

3- We have been close in the past,and you are ashamed of where you are in your life- and you want to connect but need it to be very much in a gentle supportive way. Please reach out. I miss you. Let me know what you need.

4- During the summer you have access to inexpensive weekend getaways- and you would enjoy my presence. You also are going to some great free shows you think I might enjoy. Ask. Invite.

5- Brainstorming. Would love to connect with other people who need support in having their work achieve great sustainability & connection.

6-Bartering. What do you need? Conversation creates community

7- There is something about me that triggers you. You don’t like me and can’t figure out why your friends do, I feel it in the snarky way you say hello. I’d love to hear what it is and whether it could be resolved.

Dave Rudbarg

@CoachMeDave

Self Talk

During a conversation the other day, I noticed the way a close friend spoke about himself. When he described himself he said he was “out of shape.”, explaining that it was due to his being “undisciplined”.

This seemed to define,explain and rationalize his circumstances,practices,behaviors and results. Currently I’m reading a book by Dan Kennedy which says the subject is time management -but what I’m learning about is having the willingness to bring a presence and awareness to some of our long held views of ourselves.

Take care, in beginning to shift a practice,belief,choice or way of being to create acceptance of baby steps ,as well as failure. Acceptance does not mean resignation,invalidation,and having to stop and retreat permanently to the more familiar.

Also crucial is creating a context or “why” you want to make a shift.

Remember – a context is not a result.

Start again- acknowledging the very real victory in not indulging in a behavior that ultimately doesn’t serve you. This minute.

Allow new practices to become familiar. Speak with love to yourself.

It’s a process. Get support. And remember .

You got this. Well done.

@CoachMeDave

Forgiveness and Knowing

A funny thing about forgiveness… I was pretty clear about who I wasn’t going to forgive,and even let the person know that- rather dramatically, of course.

Then I read Malcolm Gladwell’s book, Outliers, about the deep ,deep,deep,impact that background,race,culture and environment have on our psyches, perceptions, beliefs, and actions- and then suddenly saw how little choice this person actually had.

Hmmm. Hmmm. Perhaps , without realizing it, we’re all a bit unaware of the buttons and levers and triggers that inform us.

Perhaps we all are . Things may not be only what we see.

Perhaps there are some questions coming from NOT knowing that might be useful.

Different strokes create different folks.

@CoachMeDave