Dave Rudbarg's Blog, page 4

To Almost Everyone I’ve Ever Met- OK- Everyone….

Hi-

It occurred to me this morning that 100% of my life’s energy has been devoted to two things-

1- Getting people’s approval.

2- Fixing them.

More often not – at the same time.

Kind of begins to explain a lot of my struggles to connect over a lifetime.

Also gives me tremendous freedom to recognize that my main focus has to be on consistently cleaning out my own emotional space so that all there ever is love in the way I listen .

I am the source of everything I see in my world.

Now the question is – How have I really been seeing my world?

Really- really- really- really- seeing it.

And I am willing to only look at healing myself and loving myself without judgement – and trust that my own healing and vulnerability grants other people the space to reap the benefits of the work I do on me- without my having any other opinion about them,other than –

LOVE.

@CoachMeDave

(Inspired by listening to the audiobook of “Zero Limits”,by Joe Vitale)

The Courage To Forgive

Forgiveness should never be underrated.

The willingness to look at our judgements that hold us in the trap of indignation, absolute certainty of perception and almost poetic declaration of evidence gathered, can if we don’t take steps to dismantle it, actually have us swear on every copy of every Bible ever printed that our view is right- no matter how much pain, misery, sadness and dis-ease it brings.

We are clear, how at fault our perceived enemies are- as if identifying them gives us any real benefit.

Beginning to see that comfort and familiarity are easy things to become to addicted to, and the need to explain, illustrate and make sure that you have agreement from well chosen parties- and as much of the world as possible, will have us continue- happily miserable, joyously wounded, a party in pain- holding fast and resisting growth or change.

The willingness and practice of forgiveness. The courage and vulnerability, creating a real intimacy with our world, our Source and our true, loving Self.

@CoachMeDave

What We Can Learn From Our Friendships

I think a good way to take stock of where you are in your life is to check in with yourself and the current health and well being of your friendships.

I suggest this as a possibility, as I have found for myself, that as a result of expanding the types and interests, communities and individuals with whom I interact and associate and being open to discovering what they love about their lives along with the lives of their loved ones, it often with no effort at all, has me open up my heart, ears and my soul and experience things from a much more loving, appreciative place.

I also mention this for folks who say they want to be in a committed relationship -and can’t figure out what’s next. One of the best tests of whom you will attract – can be predicted by whom you spend a lot of time with and what you do and talk about together. Negativity, gossip and reality by agreement will pretty much guarantee that you will continue to remain who you are with whom you are currently spending time

And, this actually for a lot of you- might be welcome news.

I know a lot of folks whose life is incredibly challenging and fulfilling from one moment to the next (These people are sometimes called parents so I’ve been told). And, there are many of us who are not parents who actually have that ongoing experience. However, for those of us who complain frequently overtly or experience profound resignation covertly, or whose every prayer to God is usually a variation on the theme, “Hey what about ME?” perhaps an inquiry that is useful may not be based on opinions or beliefs. Instead, meet new people who appear to be leading interesting lives – and find out who they love and like and hang with and why. You may find a whole different point of view that could help you bring some new colors and flavors to your life.

@CoachMeDave

Being “Great” With People

It’s been my experience that people who say, “I was being great with that person,” kind of, well, miss the point. We don’t know when we are being great-other people do – and not always in the moment. Consistently looking for external fulfillment on our timeline is a masterful way of killing off any chance of authentic intimacy. And, it reinforces any relationship damage we may have done unconsciously, in the past. Begin to practice self-acknowledgement -particularly those of us who felt it was often missing at home. Our ability to find fulfillment and satisfaction of ourselves internally will be even more fascinating, as you may find yourself eventually surprised by how much more often it will come unsolicited from others- and how much more often you will show your love and affinity without any need to be acknowledged.

And, then you will often talk about how great people are with you.

@CoachMeDave

The Clumsiness Of Love

Ah,love………

That thunderbolt out of the blue when you see or hear someone express their love of life and beauty and connection that is at the core of their being. That moment when you see someone who has momentarily forgotten every reason gathered over the years why they should not speak, sing or dance and allow their highest, truest, most divine self the freedom to come out and play with everyone else’s divine self.

Where the clumsiness emerges is when we try to connect with that person-only to be rebuffed by their reasons and evidence of their smallness and unworthiness.

What to do? Give them the space to rise to the occasion.

We all embrace being loved at different times in different ways. Bless them . Love them. Become present to the miracle of any expression of love.

And then allow your highest, truest, most divine self the freedom to come out and play.

#indeed #in deed

@CoachMeDave

Love In Real Time

Love on paper does not heal. Love, in theory, does not alter, fix or change. Love, in real time, begins with the willingness to consider that we are worthy of being loved merely by being alive. Take that in — it is a true and real reflection of how challenging love in real time can be.

Every time you let love in- and allow it to take your actions and behavior to another level, you make miracles possible- and not just in your own life.

Imagine a world in which millions of people did just that one single thing every day.

#imagine #allowlove

@CoachMeDave

Results and Feelings

I’ve been journaling for several days about the relationship between feelings and results- with the idea that one often feels that we only deserve to feel good after we have achieved said result- as opposed to the possibility that generating feeling good now- could actually help manifest such a result.

Great theory – yet I found myself struggling with this phrase: Resistant to Results.

When I started to really explore the deep seeded, continuously reinforced tangle of gathered evidence that supported and reinforced the way I saw myself for so many years-I saw that accomplishment, vision and purpose were great phrases- and yet I didn’t really see myself that way even if others did.

So where to begin?

Journaling/ writing things down makes a huge difference. Because you give your emotions, thoughts, beliefs and such, exposure to the light rather than residing in the hidden corners of your heart and soul, undistinguished as such.

And that’s not fun to look at- at least if you look at these things as more evidence to reinforce what’s familiar, And it’s tempting to do so. It will feel very familiar, and we more often than we’d care to admit, choose familiar and unhealthy over unfamiliar and healthy. Unfamiliar feels wrong- foreign, inauthentic, clumsy and just bogus.

But it’s not.

By uncovering the way you feel and the cost to you- beginning to create new beliefs and practices to not fix ourselves – more so to begin to exercise emotional, spiritual and psychological muscles that we never dreamed were even available to us.

Take care to find a companion/committed listener/coach/therapist/counselor if you will. Someone who’s willing to stand in the face of your fear and reminds you that we are a work in progress and altering one’s life requires three things:

Practice, Practice, Practice.

@Namaste loved ones

@CoachMeDave

Creating And Allowing

Today, I choose to stand in the reality that as a beloved child of God, already whole, complete and perfect – clear, that my fears are not real, justified or, in fact, make any sense at all and never did.

I am willing, ready and open to creating and welcoming intimacy, abundance and freedom in my own life and the lives of anyone and everyone willing to allow it -knowingly or unknowingly.

And so it is.

@CoachMeDave

The Pitfalls Of Comparing And Evaluating Human Connection

1- Sometimes you like certain people and not others.

2- Sometimes people who you like have friends who like them- but those friends don’t like or see your value.

3- Sometimes people who like you are uncomfortable with you in particular scenarios and don’t know how to address it. This creates a story in your head that you are not loved or respected or valued because you think your need for total access should carry the day. This begins to erode any connection.

4- Every relationship is different. Telling each other the truth about what we experience in a responsible manner can create a deeper connection than was ever possible before.

5- Regarding point #2- people who often don’t see value in others actually see very little value in themselves. Disdain, dismissal and rudeness often is covering up deep wounds. Not your job to go there.

6- Trying to force connection guarantees its failure. Invalidating others with ever expanding evidence actually keeps you rooted in the deep dark hole of comparison.

So, why did I write this?

Because it suddenly hit me this week that all relationships are different and all connections are different- and while it all feels very personal, it’s actually not.

It’s just chemistry, connection and vibe. There’s tremendous freedom available- if one is willing…

#letitgo #breathe #letitgo

@CoachMeDave

Why I Have A Coach When I’m A Pretty Powerful Coach Myself..

1-I get an opportunity to speak completely confidentially without fear of being judged.

2-I get to talk about long buried disappointments, regrets and fears-not to wallow in them or justify them-instead to figure out with my coach what may shift in my being, my beliefs and my actions such that it may have a profound impact on my life and the lives of others.

3- I get to be the focus. And, as much as I generally like attention, there is something very special about a quiet thoughtful dialogue in which healing, growth and integrity aren’t presented as good or bad, or right and wrong. A conversation, in which, the more I am willing to say those things about myself and my life that have been kept as secret or unexplored, the more tools I give my coach to bring me closer to my ongoing, ever-evolving context – freedom.

4- I get to start being the kind of man that I had often pretended I was.

5- My life expands in ways I didn’t even know were possible.

6- My clients get a coach who is himself coachable. Un-coachable coaches are actually fairly typical -present company included.

7- As a result of my coaching others and being coached myself , my capacity to love myself and my community on a much deeper level,has increased dramatically. Feeling self fulfillment is not only possible- it’s frequently present. Therefore, my need of constant affirmation from others is no longer my driving purpose. Only occasionally does it suddenly become important- and for a relatively brief period of time.

These are a few of the benefits I have experienced-and I am sure when I revisit this list in six months, I will be amazed by all that has happened since then…..

Thanks to Brother @Ed Bohlke .

@CoachMeDave