Colleen Brown's Blog, page 152
July 4, 2014
i decided that i deserved something dreamy
i decided that i deserved something dreamy
I wanted your love to change me,and it was my own damn fault for believing thatsomeone else could do...
I wanted your love to change me,
and it was my own damn fault for believing that
someone else could do the hard work for me.
But I still hoped for it to happen,
and within that desire I can only blame myself.
I was selfish by putting my troubles
before yours. Selfish by waiting for you
to ask me if I were okay rather than
asking you if you ever were.
I have no one to point this tired finger at
but the person looking back at me
in the mirror, and I am sorry
that I convinced myself that it was
your reflection that I could only see.
July 3, 2014
how many timesdo i have to kiss the sky
before it will
take me...
how many times
do i have to kiss
the sky
before it will
take me home.
You loved me the most
when everyone was watching.
But when there were no
eyes upon us, you turned...
You loved me the most
when everyone was watching.
But when there were no
eyes upon us, you turned your
back on me. You shut me out
and I couldn’t find a way back in.
You disregarded me until
I convinced myself that there
was no last shred of hope
to you loving me in the same
light as you loved me last night;
yearning eyes upon the both
of us, surrounded by crowd
of hopeful lovers, just waiting
for a sign that their chance
of passion was still there.
You loved me the most
when everyone was watching.
But I just wish that they
could have seen your heart
behind those closed doors.
we can grow together
we can grow together
It wasn’t my sudden
distance that tore us apart.
And it wasn’t my lack
of dedication towards the
end...
It wasn’t my sudden
distance that tore us apart.
And it wasn’t my lack
of dedication towards the
end of whatever this is
that we’ve spent so much
time trying to perfect.
It was the way you touched
me with your hands after
being soaked in disloyalty,
and the way you stopped
loving me when all I needed
was for you to show me
that you still cared about this,
even when I made it seem
like I never did to begin with.
July 1, 2014
"The truth is: I’ve never stopped
loving you. Not even for a second.
Not even during all of those..."
loving you. Not even for a second.
Not even during all of those times
when I told you that my life would
have been better if I would have
never met you, never fell in love
with the simplicity of your everything.
I lied to myself and I lied to you
when I wrote out my absence
for you in faded black typewriter
ink. I lied because I knew that I had
to. That if I didn’t cover up my
pain with cruelty, I would be back
at the start; with you seeing me
as only temporary, and with my eyes
confusing coincidence for fate.”
- "I lied for the sake of our hearts," - Colleen Brown (via mostlyfiction)
"I missed the way that her body fit so well into my body. Or the way her hands never stopped..."
fit so well into my body. Or the way
her hands never stopped exploring
my skin, even when she became
familiar with every piece of land
that my limbs were attached to.
I missed the way she could look
at me and already be able to tell
if there was something at the tip
of my tongue. She has given me
the courage to say it before I can
push it back for no one else but me
to have to deal with. I know that we
both might be better off without each
other’s arms tied around each other’s
bodies but I cannot help myself
when it comes to thinking about her.
She is the only thought that I hope
will never pass in time.”
- "I’ll always miss her everything," - Colleen Brown (via mostlyfiction)
"Another month has passed
before I could grasp it
by the hands and beg it to
show me what I’ve..."
before I could grasp it
by the hands and beg it to
show me what I’ve learned,
what mistakes I’ve repeated,
and who I have loved and lost.
Another month passing as
quickly as the last minute of
your 15-minute smoke break.
Another month of reflections,
cutting ties, and creating new
memories that will only blow
away in the wind. So here is to
a new month. A new slate
of days that I can use to try
to love myself more than I
could in the past 30 days.
A new month, a fresh start,
a new beginning, a clock
that will never seem to run out
of hours until you look around
and realize that it has already
taken that time from you before
you could use it in your advantage.”
- "7/1/14," - Colleen Brown
"I missed the way that her body fit so well into my body. Or the way her hands never stopped..."
fit so well into my body. Or the way
her hands never stopped exploring
my skin, even when she became
familiar with every piece of land
that my limbs were attached to.
I missed the way she could look
at me and already be able to tell
if there was something at the tip
of my tongue. She has given me
the courage to say it before I can
push it back for no one else but me
to have to deal with. I know that we
both might be better off without each
other’s arms tied around each other’s
bodies but I cannot help myself
when it comes to thinking about her.
She is the only thought that I hope
will never pass in time.”
- "I’ll always miss her everything," - Colleen Brown
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