Colleen Brown's Blog, page 153
July 1, 2014
"The truth is: I’ve never stopped
loving you. Not even for a second.
Not even during all of those..."
loving you. Not even for a second.
Not even during all of those times
when I told you that my life would
have been better if I would have
never met you, never fell in love
with the simplicity of your everything.
I lied to myself and I lied to you
when I wrote out my absence
for you in faded black typewriter
ink. I lied because I knew that I had
to. That if I didn’t cover up my
pain with cruelty, I would be back
at the start; with you seeing me
as only temporary, and with my eyes
confusing coincidence for fate.”
- "I lied for the sake of our hearts," - Colleen Brown
June 30, 2014
i’m replacing youwith the warmthof a melancholy skyline.
i’m replacing you
with the warmth
of a melancholy
skyline.
She will remember all
of the things that I always
forgot. After telling her how
you take your...
She will remember all
of the things that I always
forgot. After telling her how
you take your coffee, she will
already have it ready for you
before you leave for work.
And if she has to go before
you, she will not hesitate to
wake you up with her lips.
She’ll always want a goodbye,
an explanation, a story about
every place you’ve ever been to.
She will love you like you have
always deserved, and I cannot
revolt against something that
someone can do for someone
I love that I never could.
"I hope you think of me when she is pressing her lips against yours for the first time. I hope it..."
I hope you think of me when she is pressing her lips against yours for the first time. I hope it brings you back to the time when I was in her position and you had yet to become familiar with how it feels to be loved by someone who you can actually touch and get away with the feeling after.
I hope you think of me when you take her to your favorite places for the first time. When you tell her about your childhood memories of being too young to know that it would end faster than you thought. When you look at her after telling her about your embarrassing adolescence, I hope you think of me and how I only listened, while she is just waiting to talk and to top anything that has happened to you.
When you bring her home to meet your parents, I hope you think about the first time your mother and I bonded over Beatle records and red wine when she tells your mother that she’s never heard of the Beatles, and that red wine gives her a headache. I hope you think of me when you see the disconnect in your mothers eyes from future thoughts of how it’s going to be harder than she thought to replace me in her heart with this new woman who doesn’t understand how to share others interests who have been through it all.
When you make love to her for the first time, I hope you think of me. I hope you see my skin inside of her curves, and I hope you hear me moaning your name while she is silently waiting for it to be over so she can go home and call her friends to tell them about the way you pant like a dog when all you want is to be told that you look beautiful at your most vulnerable.
I hope you think of me when you think of her because I want you to feel how I felt when you ended things too quickly between us because you thought that I deserved more, when really, what I deserved was your dedication and ideas of forever. I hope you think of me while your at the end of your bed, face in your hands, explaining to her why you can’t attach yourself to people, and that it’s not her but it’s you. It’s always been you, and no amount of new lovers will ever be able to change that trait about yourself. I loved you even when you didn’t know what being loved meant, and I will still love you when she tells you that she never loved you to begin with.
”- "I hope you think of me," - Colleen Brown
"With a cigarette in her hand,
and two shots of tequila later,
she already forgets why
she came here..."
and two shots of tequila later,
she already forgets why
she came here in the first
place. But no amount of alcohol
or mind altering drugs could ever
make her forget why she is doing
this to herself in the first place.
You knew when you had her heart
in the palms of your hands what
you were capable of. You always
knew what could keep her going
and what could ultimately end her.
But you did it anyway. You made
her feel as if she was the only
one that belonged to you, and you
pushed her out of your heart
before she could even shut the door
after her. You damaged her,
and now she is taking it out on herself.
You made her feel special,
and then after you used her into your
own advantage, you tossed her
out on your curb for someone else
to deal with. You broke her,
and you couldn’t care less because
you are not the one who
has to pick up the pieces.”
- "She was whole until she met you," - Colleen Brown
You will always bea part of me,even though youare no longera part ofmy life.
You will always be
a part of me,
even though you
are no longer
a part of
my life.
June 29, 2014
You only loved mefor the thrill of it.
You only loved me
for the thrill of it.
I’m learning how to
love myself without
any strings attached.
I figured that if
someone could...
I’m learning how to
love myself without
any strings attached.
I figured that if
someone could dream
about my skin, why
couldn’t I? So I am
teaching myself how to
love me without needing
a reason to. And to
tell you the truth, this
has been the best
relationship that I have
ever been in.
"You love me so much
that you would rather
destroy me than to see
someone who is not you
fall in love..."
that you would rather
destroy me than to see
someone who is not you
fall in love with me.
You would rather put me
through misery than to
see me creating unforgettable
memories with someone
who is not you. You love
me so much that you would
rather see me full of regret
than overflowing with happiness.
You love me so much to be able
to see that you really don’t
love me at all.”
- "Because this is what love is, right?" - Colleen Brown
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