Colleen Brown's Blog, page 108
December 3, 2014
"She’s always loved the things about myself
that I’ve always despised, always hated
to face in the..."
that I’ve always despised, always hated
to face in the mirror. She didn’t care if
I cursed at my skin for not being as
flawless and as beautiful as I
always wanted. She always
loved me for me and I
don’t know how I
could have ever
let her go.”
- "Yes, I regret it," - Colleen Brown
November 30, 2014
""Boys will be boys," I kept whispering to myself as he put his hand up my skirt when he thought I..."
"Boys will be boys," I kept whispering to myself as he put his hand up my skirt when he thought I wasn’t looking. When he thought that my body looked like a welcome mat and he used me just like it too.
"Boys will be boys," and I am 14 years old and am told to stop talking because boys will never fall in love with a girl who has a mind of her own. That as long as you know how to cook any man would be lucky to have you.
"Boys will be boys," my father said to me when I was in elementary after coming home from school with a bruised knee from a boy who had a crush on me and decided to push me down instead of ask my name. Because girls are taught that when a boy is mean to you he is interested and when a girl gives someone too much she is too clingy.
"Boys will be boys," and I’m spending another night inside of a locked room, cursing my hips and my baby fat because no boy will want a girl who still looks like she’s someones little sister. Because no one wants a girl who looks like she’s about to break at any given moment and isn’t remembered as the girl who didn’t give up but the girl who gave in to the words that were spewed her way when she already knew she would always be alone.
"Boys will be boys," I’m thinking while I’m having a hard time trusting anyone who looks anything like my father, my first love, the man I thought would love me forever but forever to him meant until tomorrow morning or until my friends realizes I’m not really her friend and decides to leave me with nothing and no one.
"Boys will be boys," and I’m wondering what girls will be and when they will have a phrase to justify their rowdy actions instead of being called crazy, desperate, attention-seeking and instead are called normal and are told that it’s okay to do what you want to anyone because it’s in your nature and it will always be in your DNA.
"Boys will be boys," and he doesn’t know how many times I’ve been told that and how many times I’ve been told to stop overreacting or to get over it and him or how many times I’ve been told that I’m not good enough or I’m not womanly enough and it will take a real man to handle a woman like me or that I am lucky he even looked my way, touched me without a please or permission, that I should be happy that he even knows my name.
"Boys will be boys," and I’m still wondering how that can possibly be.
”- "Boys will be boys," - Colleen Brown
finishing an art project with animals surrounding me and the...
finishing an art project with animals surrounding me and the sound of sleepy hollow filling the rooms
November 29, 2014
There isn’t much I can do
when it comes to the sadness
that rests inside of you
but if you let me I...
There isn’t much I can do
when it comes to the sadness
that rests inside of you
but if you let me I can take
some of it for myself.
This isn’t about selflessness
or sacrifice but about love,
and baby I have so much
of that feeling inside of my heart
for you. If I could I would erase
the pieces of your past
from your mind that only make
you feel worse about being
inside of your own skin.
So baby, give me some of that
sadness because I need you
to know that you’re not
fighting this battle alone.
"I’m waiting for the sun to come out,
waiting for it to tell me that all this is only
temporary and..."
waiting for it to tell me that all this is only
temporary and soon I will once again
be reunited with who you used to be.
And who you once were was someone
that was worth fighting for, someone worth
the wait. But when time passed it turned
you into someone I could hardly recognize,
someone I could hardly look in the eyes.
We used to be so close, so in-sync,
so someone that others envied from
a distance but admired when thinking
of the cruelty in this world. I want to go
back to that, to the time where no one
could break us even when we felt broken ourselves.”
- "I can’t see who you are anymore," - Colleen Brown
The sky is making up for the loneliness that I’ve been...
The sky is making up for the loneliness that I’ve been feeling since you went away.
November 28, 2014
Just becauseyou love medoesn’t meanthat I amgoing to startloving myself.
Just because
you love me
doesn’t mean
that I am
going to start
loving myself.
"She said I lost her when I lost myself, but I thought love
meant patience and obviously she was..."
meant patience and obviously she was running low
on that feeling when I felt as if the whole world
was against me. She once promised that she would
love me, stay with me and fight with me
through everything, but I guess she forgot
to mention that if I were the one in a battle
with myself she would have to surrender
before things got worse, before she had to choose
a side and before she would end up hating me
more than I already hated myself.”
- "She’s not on my side anymore," - Colleen Brown
November 24, 2014
I love you
without
knowing you
and without
needing
you to love
me too.
I love you
without
knowing you
and without
needing
you to love
me too.
I love you without knowing youand withoutneeding you to love me too.
I love you without
knowing you
and without
needing you
to love me too.
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