Justin Davis's Blog, page 7
October 31, 2014
Jesus Prom: Guest Post from Jon Weece
Today’s post is from pastor Jon Weece. Jon leads an incredible church in Lexington, KY. called Southland Christian Church. He is the author of an amazing book, Jesus Prom. 
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My wife Allison and I were in a restaurant eating lunch when an older couple came into the section where we were seated. They were probably in their late seventies, and he was pushing his wife in a wheelchair. It looked as though she had suffered a stroke.
After the waiter set the menus down on our table, we both watched as the husband knelt down in front of his wife, gently holding her hands, and spoke to her with a smile on his face. It was as though they were the only two people in the restaurant. He didn’t seem concerned with anyone other than his wife.
He put the brake on the wheelchair, then he scooped her motionless body out of the chair and set her down in the booth. He situated her napkin, plate, and silverware where she could reach them. When her food came, he cut it up and fed it to her; and from time to time, he got up from the table to wipe her mouth. At one point during the meal, I watched him lean across the table, take hold of his wife’s hand, and smile at her as he spoke to her.
Tears rolled down her cheeks.
“What do you think he’s saying to her?” Allison asked.
“For richer, for poorer . . . in sickness and in health . . . till death do we part,” I said.
Tears filled our eyes as we imagined how long they had been married and all they had been through together. And yet it seemed as though they were on their first date.
When we die to self, we give life to others. Relationships rise and fall based on each person’s willingness or unwillingness to die to self
Relationships rise and fall based on each person’s willingness or unwillingness to die to self.
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Relationships rise when a person is selfless.
Relationships fall when a person is selfish.
No one modeled this better than Jesus. Jesus is the standard by which all selfless behavior is measured—He died so we could live.
His motives were driven by one very important four-letter word: Love.
Love is what a marriage is built on, but it is never independent. Love is always dependent. Someone always gives. Someone always receives. Love empties itself, because love emptied Himself.
I have learned a lot about loving my wife throughout the years but one night in particular has changed how I look at love.
Every year we throw a party at our church for 2,000 mentally and physically challenged adults. We call the party Jesus Prom.
On this night, love is given out freely. As a result, love is received.
Jesus Prom is one of the clearest expressions of love and reminds me of how love should be modeled in my marriage. Love was never meant to be hoarded or stockpiled; it was meant to be given and received.
Love was never meant to be hoarded or stockpiled; it was meant to be given and received.
Tweet ThisThe more love we give away, the more love we have. God makes sure that we never run out of what he never runs out of.
Love.
The more I love my wife, the more I fall in love with God. The more I fall in love with God, the more I love my wife.
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We are giving away 5 copies of Jesus Prom. Here is all you have to do to to be eligible to win. Share any of the two Tweetable phrases on Twitter by clicking the links above or share this post on Facebook. Leave a comment letting us know that you shared the post. That’s it! We’ll announce the winners on Monday, November 3.
October 30, 2014
The End Of Yourself
You had a dream.
You had a vision.
You had a purpose.
You had a marriage.
You had a relationship with your kids.
Today…you’re tired.
You’ve lost your belief that you can be the mom you wanted to be.
You’ve lost hope you can be the husband she needs you to be.
You’ve given up on the dream you thought God birthed in you.
You feel like a failure every morning when you walk into work.
You don’t think you’re strong enough.
You know you aren’t smart enough.
You will never be good enough.
Your mistake was too big.
Your past is too dysfunctional.
You can’t make him happy.
You can’t meet her expectations.
You don’t have enough talent.
You missed your opportunity.
You’ve lost your sense of who you really are.
You’re life is passing you by.
God can’t transform us until we come to the end of ourselves.
Admitting we can’t; we lost; we messed up; we’re broken; we need help is actually the beginning of the life we desire.
It’s okay that you’re not smart enough, talented enough, driven enough, organized enough, loving enough or successful enough. Your weakness allows you to experience His strength.
Maybe we miss out on God’s strength because we pretend to be stronger than we are.
Being honest about our imperfections gives God the chance to overcome them.
Today is a new day. Yesterday doesn’t define you and tomorrow awaits.
October 23, 2014
It’s Always About What We Want More
Today’s gust post is from our good friend Lisa Whittle. Lisa’s new book I Want God is a powerful challenge for each of us to find our way back to the God that loves us and longs to be the center of our affection.
Connect with Lisa on Facebook:
Bio: http://lisawhittle.com/about/
It happened about 10 years ago in my now 19-year marriage, but I’ll never forget it. It’s one of my least shining moments.
My husband, a sometimes romantic, manages the impossible: whisks me away for a night out, away from the kids, on our anniversary. I am no good at surprises, and it’s something he knows. But on this night, he has taken that chance for the greater good of our relationship.
“Where are we going?” I ask, more than once in the car. He smiles and says, “You’ll see,” and I am both intrigued and uncomfortable. He’s trustworthy, but I am one of those who just likes to know, which sometimes causes him to think I believe he’s not.
We drive through our gorgeous uptown, the lights smiling at us, lighting our way. I point out an awesome new high-rise. We laugh about something one of our kids said. The night feels easy and right, and I feel myself starting to relax.
It is about this time we pull into our destination: a hotel I’ve never been to before. Immediately, it doesn’t look good to me in that weird way women sometimes decide without really knowing why. But I don’t want to tell my husband, who is being so sweet and amazing.
I want to act, but I’m not a good actress. He can tell I am unsure. The words tumble out of my mouth before I can stop them, “I don’t like the looks of this place. There’s construction going on here. I’m not sure where we park. See that guy walking right there, coming out of the hotel? He looks shady. Let’s just go.”
The words hurt, and I can see it on my husband’s face. He’s tried to do something nice for me, and it’s a gift I’ve rejected – told him in not so many words that it’s not something I want. He pulls the car out of the parking deck, back towards home, where we stay for the rest of the night, with the kids, anniversary gone uncelebrated.
This is a true story, but it isn’t just a marriage story. In many ways, it is the story of my life.
I need something. I want something. But I choose something I want in the moment, and it gets in the way of what I really want more.
On this night, I want to be with my husband, the man I love. I want us to celebrate our life together, to laugh and eat great food and relish in the quality time, which is so rare with busy lives and parenting children.
But I choose something I want in the moment, instead – to make myself feel more comfortable. And by so doing, I unconsciously thwart all of that joy and goodness with a choice of the temporary.
Sometimes, I do this with God.
He prompts me to do something. I want to do it, but it seems hard. I choose to ignore His voice and stay comfortable. As a result, I miss out on Him using me in a greater way.
He wants to bless me. But I don’t want to do the work to have the kind of relationship with Him that lets me ask Him for the world. So I settle for stale prayers and half-hearted asks.
He longs to show me things and give me wisdom. I just want Him to make sense, and that tunnel vision stops the Godly revelation.
The hard truth is this: daily, we choose temporary things over Him, things like popularity and comfort and our own logic and control, because we don’t trust Him to be the better choice.
It’s what we say to Him with our life even when our lips say something else.
We have to decide what we really want more. We have to decide, once and for all, that more is God.
And not just because it is what He desires from us, but because of what it will mean to our life, too.
There’s one more thing you should know about the ruined anniversary night story.
My husband didn’t tell me until much later, something that really made me sad: he had arranged for the room to have my favorite flowers in it, waiting for me. I never got them. I gave them up because I couldn’t see them, didn’t trust and didn’t know.
God wants us to choose Him, over everything else, even when we don’t know things like how He will use us, how He will bless us, how He will change our life.
No matter what it looks like, He will always be the better choice.
We want to give away 3 copies of Lisa’s book. Just leave your name and where you’re from in the comments and we’ll announce winners on Sunday, October 26, 2014.
Click HERE to Order I Want God
To read more about the book: www.IWantGod.me
October 15, 2014
The Power of Second Chances
There aren’t many things more powerful than a second chance extended and a second chance redeemed. This story of Maurice Alexander is an amazing picture of what can happen when we seek to be people of the second chance.
October 1, 2014
RefineUs Tour 2014
Today we are hitting the road with The Joy FM, Feed the Children and Jason Barton from the band 33 Miles to bring Atlanta and Southwest Florida, The RefineUs Tour.
What is The RefineUs Tour? Each evening is designed to transform your heart and the heart of your marriage. Check out the video below for a snapshot of the content.
You can still get tickets and join us! Below are the locations and links to join us for a fun date night for you and your spouse!
Atlanta (area) GA-Peachtree City United Methodist Church, Wednesday October 1 @ 7:00 PM
Bradenton, FL-Woodland Community Church, Thursday, October 2 @ 7:00 PM
New Port Ritchey, FL-First Baptist Church, Friday October 3 @ 7:00 PM
Lakeland, FL-Victory Church, Saturday October 4 @ 6:00 PM
September 30, 2014
The Secret Sauce to a Great Marriage
Everyone wants the secret formula to a great marriage. We all desire to thrive in the relationship that we value most. But the reality is desire isn’t enough. If desire was what it took to have an amazing marriage, we’d all have the marriage of our dreams.
Our choices have to be greater than our intentions. The problem for many of us is that we only respond when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change. So often we wait until there is a crisis before we take the necessary steps to improve our marriage.
One of the biggest mistakes we made in our marriage was waiting until there was an affair to pursue the marriage we both longed to have.
Most marriages fall into this trap. It isn’t until someone’s bags are packed or someone has been kicked out or someone says they are done before we are willing to change. By that time, the issues seem so big, it is a mountain that appears insurmountable. It feels hopeless.
What if the marriage that you deeply desire wasn’t a huge mountain to climb, but simply a series of small decisions made over time? What if you started to do the things that caused you to fall in love in the first place?
What if you you took time to intentionally listen to her tonight?
What if you genuinely complimented him for how hard he works?
What if you chose (not because you were guilted into it) to not work late this week and you made it home for dinner each night?
What if you determined to tell the truth about little things so that your spouse knew you were telling the truth in the big things?
What if you got a babysitter and went out on a date a couple of times this month?
What if you told her how beautiful she is. (Without trying to get her to have sex with you)
What if you reminded him how attracted you are to him? (And then initiated sex)
What if you shared what you love about each other rather than spewing what you can’t stand?
What if you made her breakfast?
What if you got him a gift card to Best Buy?
We don’t have to wait for a crisis before we pursue the marriage we desire.
The goal of RefineUs isn’t crisis management…it is crisis prevention.
How does a good marriage go bad? A little at a time.
How does a bad marriage go good? A little at a time.
September 22, 2014
When The Ending Isn’t Happy
Each week we receive emails from men and women that read our blog faithfully. They too had a vision for their marriage. They dreamed of happily ever after. Some have kids. Some have a house with a white picket fence. All of them had the desire for a life that is drastically different than what they are living. Their questions are similar:
“What do I do when my husband doesn’t come back?”
“How do I move forward when my wife won’t go to counseling?”
“It’s great for you that you were able to put the pieces back together, but that isn’t my story.”
“I wish my ending was as happy as yours, but its not.
First, we love that this is a community for all people. Single. Married. Unhappily married. Remarried. Single again.
This is a community for all of us.
Secondly, we know not all stories turn our like our story. Redemption rarely looks the same; but it’s always available.
Here are some suggestions for those that weren’t able to put the pieces back together:
1. Grieve
When your marriage comes to an end, it is very important to grive the loss of that marriage. Often we skip this step in healing because we associate grieving with weakness. But the end of a marriage is the death of a dream. It is okay to grieve it. In fact, in order for you to be healthy in all your relationships moving forward, you have to spend some time grieving the loss of that relationship.
2. Get Counseling
It is really important for you to find a counselor that will help you process your feelings and heal. Without this step, you will take a less than whole version of you into your next relationship/marriage. Unpacking what lead to your divorce helps set you up for the best possible relationship in the future. (Even if you are remarried, embracing these first two suggestions may be the best thing for your current marriage)
3. Live in Truth
A failed marriage doesn’t mean you are a failure. What causes us to be a failure is not learning from our mistakes. This is why grieving and counseling are so important. The truth of who you are and who you can be is not defined by your mistakes but by the God that redeems our mistakes.
4. Your Identity Isn’t Your Marital Status
God loves you single, divorced, remarried, separated. Your identity in Him isn’t dependent on your marital status. It will take a while, but as you begin to find your identity in Him, you will allow Him to use you, your story and your life.
Just because your marriage ended doesn’t mean your story has ended. God is still writing.
It is easy to tie a bow around our story and think the happy ending is only for those who have been restored. Restoration is for you. Redemption has less to do with your marriage as it does your heart.
September 12, 2014
Loan Us Your Influence
Hey guys! Our prayer is that RefineUs is a resource for you and your relationships. With every post and every resource we create our goal is to partner with God to bring transformation into the hearts and lives of those we reach.
In October, we will be going on a 5 city tour through Georgia and Southwest Florida to encourage and equip couples in their marriage relationship. You can find all the details on our Tour Page HERE
What we know is that ALL OF US are better than one of us. We want as many couples as possible to be at these events. We need your help getting the word out.
Below are sample Tweets that are one click away from you sharing with your circle of influence. There are also graphics for Pinterest, Facebook and Instagram for you to post as well. If you could loan us your influence over the next few weeks to help spread the word over social media, we would so appreciate it.
Once you share, leave your name and email address in the comments and we’ll send you a small gift as a thank you.
Thank you guys so much for your willingness to help get the word out on this tour. As you share this info with your friends, you will help us serve married couples you may never meet, but will be eternally impacted.
Sample Tweets:
Close to Atlanta? Join the #refineustour October 1 as we help your marriage go from good to great.
Tweet ThisMarriage is tough, but equally amazing. Want more AMAZING? Join us October 1 in ATL #refineustour
Tweet ThisMarriage is tough, but also amazing. Want more AMAZING? October 2 in Bradenton, FL #refineustour
Tweet ThisAre you the sound police like @nataliegrant? Check out the #refineustour as we talk marriage.
Tweet ThisThankful for @nataliegrant, @patsyclairmont & @mikeagrayson for sharing with us on #refineustour. Info:
Tweet ThisWhat if one evening could transform the heart of your marriage? Ocala, FL join us October 5 #refineustour
Tweet ThisWhat if one evening could transform the heart of your marriage? Lakeland, FL join us October 4 #refineustour
Tweet ThisWhat if one evening could transform the heart of your marriage? New Port Ritchie, FL join us October 3 #refineustour
Tweet ThisWhat if one evening could transform the heart of your marriage? Bradenton, FL join us October 2 #refineustour
Tweet ThisWhat if one evening could transform the heart of your marriage? Peachtree, GA join us October 1 #refineustour
Tweet ThisGraphics for Instagram/Pinterest/Facebook
September 10, 2014
The Sound Police
The RefineUs Tour is a nightly marriage event designed to encourage and equip couples to pursue the marriage God has in mind.
We are so excited to be in Peachtree, Georgia October 1 and then four Florida markets October 2-5.
Part of the program for the evening will include interviews we did with Patsy and Les Clairmont, Mike and Molly Grayson and Natalie Grant and her husband Bernie. The wisdom and insight they share about their own marriages is absolutely amazing.
If you’d like a behind the scenes look at The RefineUs Tour and some of the topics we’ll be talking about…you have to check out this video from Bernie and Natalie. It is HILARIOUS.
If you’d like more information about The RefineUS Tour, check out THE TOUR PAGE HERE.
September 8, 2014
So Long Perfectionism
I was talking to a friend the other day about some issues he was having in a relationship. Tension was high. Frustration was thick. Expectations were not being met. He asked my advice. I gave it.
I said, “You are a perfectionist. You have to be perfect in every aspect of your life and you are expecting this person (that you have problems with) to be perfect. You want the relationship to be fixed more than you want it to be whole. You will always be disappointed, because they will never be perfect.”
My guess is that some of you are perfectionists too. You have to be perfect at work. You have to have a perfectly kept house. You have to have perfectly behaved kids. You have to be the perfect spouse. You have to be the perfect friend. If you can’t be perfect, then most likely you just put on the facade of perfection. You pretend things are perfect at home; with your kids, in your job. No one can know you may not be perfect, after all.
If you are perfectionist, here are some things you probably struggle with.
Live in defeat
Perfectionists live with a sense of defeat because no matter how much they try, they aren’t perfect. They make mistakes that they can’t forgive themselves for making. They are defeated by the lack of perfection in their marriage; in their relationships; in their family.
Lack joy
Perfectionists lack joy because their best isn’t good enough. Marriage isn’t fun because it isn’t perfect. Kids aren’t enjoyable because they aren’t perfectly behaving. The house isn’t a refuge because you can’t keep it cleaned 24/7. The success you have at work isn’t enjoyable because you think about all you could have done better.
Unmet expectations
Perfectionists are disappointed with people. Their boss doesn’t meet their expectations. Their kids don’t meet their unfair expectations. Their spouse doesn’t meet their expectations. God is a disappointment. He doesn’t come through. He doesn’t meet the perfectionist’s expectations. No one is ever good enough for the perfectionists.
Here are a few suggestions to live in freedom.
-Commit to being real over being perfect.
Most perfectionists I know live with a need to impress others by their performace. Perfect is usually a cover for the fear they have of being honest and real. Freedom comes as you commit to be real, open and honest about your life, your mistakes and your insecurities.
-Give up the guilt
A lot of perfectionists feel guilty about everything. They take ownership of issues and attitudes that have nothing to do with them and then feel guilty about them. Stop feeling guilty for things that aren’t your fault.
God doesn’t expect you to be perfect. He longs for you to find yourself perfectly in Him. There is only one Messiah. When you give up your need to be the savior, God will save the perfectionist part of your heart and give you freedom to enjoy life again.
(Written by a recovering perfectionist)
