Justin Davis's Blog, page 11

Life Is Hard

I often forget how hard life can be. I mean, I realize it and live in it, then I get comfortable and complacent and get surprised by it.

Friendship is hard.

Marriage is hard.

Integrity is hard.

Parenting is hard.

Leading is hard.

Family dynamics are hard.

What God brought to my mind today is who ever said it would be easy?

God never promised easy, He promised His presence. God never promised comfort, He promised to be comforting.

Jesus said “In this world you will have trouble, but take heart, I have overcome the world.”

Life is hard.

It is hard to tell the truth, when the easier thing to do is lie.

It is hard to stay when it’s easier to pack up and leave.

It is hard to be vulnerable when it’s easier to be fake.

It is hard to say your sorry when it’s easier to wait for an apology.

It is hard to serve when you feel you deserve to be served.

It is hard to give in when it’s easier to demand your own way.

It is hard to forgive when holding a grudge is justified.

It is hard to trust when trust has been broken.

It is hard to have faith, when faith has been lost. It is hard to have hope when despair is your companion. It is hard to persevere when giving up seems so much easier.

It will be hard.

So if you find yourself surprised and maybe even discouraged at how hard life is right now…

…take heart, He has overcome the world.

A Reminder of Who You Are

You are not your past

You are not your failures

You are not your parents

You are not your sister

You are not your regrets

You are not your sin

You are not your weight

You are not your divorce

You are not your unemployment

You are not the choices someone else made for you

You are not your brokenness

You are not your bitterness

You are not your abuse

You are not your loneliness

You are not your marital status

You are not your tax bracket

You are not your crisis

This is who YOU are:

You are loved

You are forgiven

You are redeemed

You are destined

You are set apart

You are a new creation

You are valued

You are gifted

You are chosen

You are prized

You are reconciled

You are called

You are noticed

You are pursued

You are a child of The King

You are a co-heir with Christ

You are a royal priesthood

You are adored, cherished and treasured by the God of this universe.

When you choose to stop living out who you are not and you start to live in who you are…

It changes everything.

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Have a great weekend!

Justin and Trish

Check Your Texts

No one thinks they will have an affair. We don’t get married with a date circled on the calendar when we will break our marriage vows.

You know how most inappropriate conversations start? They start in a non-inappropriate way. Texting. Facebook. Social Media.

Here is the problem…people are always more bold and more courageous over text, twitter and Facebook than they ever would be in person and lines get blurred very quickly.

We wanted to share some warning signs when it comes to texting.

It could be a red flag…

-When sending or receiving a text from a certain person causes an emotional reaction in your mind (only you will know this)

-When you or the person you are texting start exchanging emotions or personal feelings

-When you the person you are texting compliments you on a personal or physical level

-Any time you send or receive a text that you wouldn’t be able to read out loud to your spouse

-Anytime you send or receive a text that is flirtatious or sexual in nature

-Anytime you are texting someone more than you are texting your spouse

-When you share frustrations or unmet expectations with someone of the opposite sex about your own marriage

-When you send a text that compares that person with your spouse

-When you receive a text that compares you with their spouse

Words carry power. Please choose the words you text to anyone of the opposite sex wisely.

You probably don’t intend to cross boundaries. No one does. Inappropriate relationships can start with a text message and left unevaluated lead to a place that brings all kinds of hurt and brokenness.

30 Something Things I Love About Trisha Davis

20 years ago, we fell in love. The boys and I love doing life with you! Happy 30-something birthday my love!

I love you Trisha and I am so grateful for you. Here are 39ish of the 3.9 million things I love about you.

Click to view slideshow.

1. I love your beautiful blue eyes.

2. I love that you believe in grace and second chances.

3. I love your sacrificial heart.

4. I love the way you cheer others on.

5. I love your laugh.

6. I love that you love big and without reservation.

7. I love the mother you are to our boys.

8. I love your willingness to allow your story to impact others.  

9. I love your lips.

10. I love the compassion you have for those that are hurting.

11. I love the way you trust God…it inspires me.

12. I love the way you tuck your hair behind your ears.

13. I love that you give 100% to everything you are called to do.

14. I love your hands.

15. I love that you are bandwagon sports fan.

16. I love how you microwave a cup of coffee two or three times before finishing it. 

17. I love how you make an ordinary day extraordinary.

18. I love that you don’t like change but you embrace it to grow.

19. I love that you set goals and pursue them.

20. I love watching you walk along the beach.

21. I love hearing you pray.

22. I love how you live out God’s love every day.

23. I love that you love your mini-van.

24. I love that you’ll watch sports even when me or the boys aren’t home.

25. I love how you champion our boys and their well being.

26. I love that you travel with your pillow.

27. I love how you love others with no strings attached.

28. I love that you’re willing to have hard conversations seasoned with grace.

29. I love how you love God’s word.

30. I love how you can make a Wal-mart outfit look like a million dollars.

31. I love that you love traveling to new places with me.

32. I love hearing you teach God’s Word.

33. I love that you love being with people more than you love social media.

34. I love how you take care of me and the boys.

35. I love how you have a computer and an iPhone but use a Daytimer anyway.

36. I love how you listen to God’s voice and obey.

37. I love your butt. (can I say that?)

38. I love how you lead others through authentic relationships.

39. I love that today is your birthday and we get to celebrate you.

Happy birthday Trisha!

On Losing Your Dream

Have you ever had a dream die? Ever had something you put your heart and soul come into fruition, only to be lost in the end?

Maybe it was your marriage.

Maybe it was your career.

Maybe it was a new business.

Maybe it was a relationship.

When you lost it, you lost a part of yourself.

Maybe your dream was lost due to the economy. Maybe your dream died because of someone else’s choice. No matter how you lose your dream, there is a death to be mourned.

In 2005, I lost my dream of pastoring the church Trish and I started in 2002. No one took this dream from me, I lost it due to my own sinful choices. When your own failure leads to the loss of a dream, sorrow is also accompanied by shame and regret.

When we returned to ministry in 2009 at Cross Point, I was so grateful for a church that gave me a second chance. Cross Point is an amazing church, lead by one of my best friends, Pete Wilson…yet something was missing. Even though my ministry was resurrected, there was a part of my heart that still felt dead.

Over the next few years, I developed an unconfessed resentment toward God. We were a part of an amazing church, leading a growing an exciting marriage ministry, had thousands of people reading our blog each day, writing our first book, yet I was hurting. Despite all of those dreams coming true, they weren’t the dreams I really wanted. I felt like God had issued a life-time ban on MY dream.

I lived with an sense of disappointment for a few years.

A few weeks ago, Trish and I had the opportunity to spend the day with The Joy FM in Sarasota, Florida. We answered questions from listeners live on the air about marriage and relationships. (You can listen to the segments here)

Before we caught our flight back to Nashville, Trish and I spent an hour walking on the beach in Clearwater. Out of the blue, she leaned over and said, “I love doing life with you.” In that moment my eyes were opened to the dream I was living not the dream I was trying to hold on to. Those words washed over me like the ocean waves.

Eight years after MY dream was lost, God still desired to heal this hurting part of my heart. In that moment, I felt God speak to me: “Don’t miss the joy of my dream for you because of the dysfunctional attachment you have to your dream.”

I don’t have it all figured out, as I am very much in process on this. But I bet you know what it’s like to lose a dream. Maybe your dream was taken by a spouse that left. Maybe your dream was lost when you lost your job. Maybe your dream is one or two pay grades and promotions away, and you feel your dream slipping away. Maybe you don’t even know how to dream anymore.

Can I share with you some questions God is bringing to my heart these days?

Are the dreams you are dreaming big enough?

Are the dreams you have only based on your ability to make them come true?

What if the dream you lost is just gave your heart space to pursue the dream God has for you?

What if  the dream you have wasn’t yours to keep, but just was yours to manage for a while.

Easter yesterday is a reminder that lost dreams can give way to resurrected dreams.

Maybe God is setting you up for a resurrected dream.

You Can’t Argue Your Way To a Better Relationship

Most of us only communicate what we expect from a relationship after we’ve been disappointed or let down. Many of us are unhappy in a marriage, discontent  in a dating relationship or dissatisfied with a friend, because the relationship isn’t what we thought it would be and isn’t what we expected it should be.

For years, Trish and I struggled with unmet expectations in our marriage. We’d talk about unmet expectations, but not proactively. We reacted to unmet expectations through conflict, arguing and guilt trips. We believed a lie that many others believe as well:  We can argue our way into met expectations.

We can guilt our spouse or friend into changing. We can yell or nag or complain enough that will cause them to meet our expectation the next time.

Here is the problem and why so many are stuck in a cycle of dysfunction: Arguments will never change someone’s heart.

An argument might change how your wife acts or how your husband behaves for a day or two, but arguing will never turn a person’s heart closer to another. Arguments bring short term relief but don’t solve any long term issue. When an expectation is shared during an argument, its too late to do any good.

Can we share a secret with you that we have learned the hard way? This applies to friendships, work relationships, to your relationship with your kids, your marriage…

Unspoken expectations will always grow into unmet expectations.

If you are unhappy in your marriage right now. If you wonder how you and your spouse could have drifted so far apart; if you are constantly frustrated that your needs, your desires, your expectations aren’t being met…ask yourself this question:

Have I communicated my expectations of this person outside the context of an argument or conflict? 

Are you making time to have a conversation about your expectations outside of the times you argue? Maybe its going out for breakfast. Maybe its staying up an extra hour to talk after the kids go to bed. Maybe its going out on a date or making an intentional phone call.

This conversation should probably start with, “I want you to know that I own half of this issue. Half of the disappointment I have is because I haven’t communicated well.” Then you have to state the expectation you’ve placed on that person, so you can be free of it and they can be aware of it.

When expectations are communicated in clearly, calmly and in a desire to grow the relationship and not just beat the other down…relationships flourish…friendships deepen; dating relationships grow; marriages become stronger.

4 Things I Wish I Knew Before I Became a Parent

Trisha and I got married the summer before my second senior year of college. I squeezed four years into five. (Anyone else on that plan?) Four months after we got married, we found out Trish was pregnant with our first son, Micah. Now, almost 18 years later, we are preparing to send him off to college.

We had no idea what we were doing as parents…and still don’t at times. But looking back, I wish the 40 year old me could give the 22 year old me some advice. If I could sit down with the 22 year old me a few months before our first child was born, here are four things I’d tell myself to write down and revisit when I was tired or discouraged as a parent.

1.     Time is more valuable than possessions.

There have been so many seasons in my life that I have thought what my kids needed from me the most was stuff. Shoes. Clothes. A bigger house.  A nicer room. The next upgrade of electronics. I have been tempted and at times have made the mistake of cheating time for gifts. What I’ve realized over the past few years is that my kids just really want me…more than anything I can buy them they desire time with me. Time communicates value. What I give my time to is what I care about the most. They want to know I care about them more than anything.

2.     Desire heart transformation more than behavior modification.

There is no doubt that behavior is important. There is no doubt that I don’t want to be that dad in line at the grocery store…you know that guy…whose kid is on the ground screaming and crying cause he wants some Skittles? Behavior is important. But more important than how my kids act is who they are becoming as young men. I often equate outward appearance with inner heart change. I don’t want to teach my boys to be fake and to pretend. I want them to desire heart change more than acting like good kids.

3.     It’s okay to not have it together all the time.

There is a lot of pressure as a parent. There are times that fear over takes me. There are times that I blow it and I wonder if my kids will drop out of high school or join the circus because I just messed up. What I have learned is that my kids need me to be real more than they need me to be perfect. Admitting failure as a parent creates a culture of grace in our family. I want our boys to know that they don’t have to be perfect to be loved. They don’t have to have it all together. This is a place that they can admit failure. It is in our weakness that Christ is made strong.

4. The “next” season isn’t better than “this” season. 

I spent time wishing for the next season, and missed out on the uniqueness of our current season. I remember just wishing everyone would sleep through the night. Now, I wish I’d savored them not sleeping through the night, because I don’t rock anyone to sleep anymore. If you have kids under age 7, the odds are you are exhausted. Parenting is exhausting. But don’t miss what is now with your kids because you are too busy wishing for what is next.

Those are four things I wish I knew before I became a parent. What about you, what do you wish you knew before you became a parent?

Speak Life

Our words carry power. They have the power to usher in life or the power to bring about death.

There are days that I live in this and get this right. I breathe life into my kids. I build up my wife. I am life-giving to my friends.

Then there are times that I take this truth for granted. I run down my kids. I forget how fragile their hearts are. I throw darts at Trisha with my words. I spray venom with the words I say to my friends.

Our words matter. Our words have weight. Our words create or our words tear down.

I see it in the face of my kids. I see it as I talk to my wife. I feel it as I am on the receiving end of potent words. I usually notice this truth after it is too late.

Why are we so careless with our words?

We often we forget their power…we take for granted their influence…we overlook their potential. We encounter so many words and we say so many words we don’t realize how critical they can be in the lives and hearts of those we love most.

Words carry life:

I love you

I’m proud of you

I believe in you

I choose you

I forgive you

I’m sorry

You are special

You look beautiful

Thank you

I see potential in you

I appreciate you

You have what it takes

Maybe it is a friend; maybe it’s your wife; maybe it’s your kids; maybe a parent or a sibling…

Who needs you to breath life into their soul today with your words?

“The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” Proverbs 18:21

It won’t take much time, and it won’t cost you any money. But the moment you’ll create will be priceless.

Will you breath life into those you love the most?

Surprised By Motherhood

I (Trish) could not have been more at my worst. I’d experienced certain levels of burnout before but this time around I was wrestling with emotions unfamiliar to my heart. It was a warm fall day in Austin, Texas and I had just walked into an intimate and gorgeous outdoor dinner prepared for forty women. Being one of the first to arrive, I threw my purse on the nearest seat and made sure to save the one next to me for one of my best friends, also attending the dinner. “If she’s next me,” I thought,  “I won’t feel so stressed sitting with a bunch of strangers.”

As dinner began and each lady took their seat my BFF sat on my left-hand-side and Lisa- Jo Baker sat on my right. Lisa-Jo and I had met online and she has been a huge supporter of our book and ministry. She’d shared with me how our book impacted her father and his wife’s marriage. But this was the first time we met in person and Lisa-Jo was everything I thought she would be…kind, funny, bold. But what struck me most (beyond her beautiful South African accent) was her transparency.

As I tried to play the role of ministry leader, author, blogger and any other fancy title I could hide behind, attempting to keep my stamina through the dinner, Lisa-Jo (as if seeing right through me) simply asked the question I was dreading: “So tell me about how things are going with your kids, family and ministry.” I took a deep breath hoping my response would be as short as the breath I was exhaling. But in my frailty, more words poured from my mouth and tears flowed from my eyes than I was expecting.

This is where I first experienced “Surprised By Motherhood”. The vision for this book has been deeply embedded in Lisa-Jo’s heart and soul for over a decade, evident by the words she invested into me that night around a candle-lit table. I embarrassingly confessed the heartache of having a joyless heart trying to balance ministry and family as well as the profound grief I was feeling having only one year left with my seventeen-year-old son.

Secretly I thought, “She has no idea what it means to grieve this type of letting go. She still has small-teethed people in her house.” My confession allowed the chaos of my heart to ease and give way to clarity of thought. She shared with me the lessons she learned about what being brave looks like in the midst of losing her mother when she was eighteen and swore off ever having kids because of it.

Now she had my attention.

My own mother lost her father when she was only fourteen-years-old, then lost her mother two years later. I’d heard about this pain. I feared this pain growing-up and feared it would one day be my own story. I’ve feared death my whole life. Not my own death, but saying good-bye to people I love before I am ready…as if “ready” ever arrives.

As the conversation continued to flow, Lisa-Jo shared how the Gospel lives in the messy chaos of opening up our lives to others and she was allowing me to do just that. She went on to say “God is never asking you to choose between career or family.”

What she spoke into my heart that night, I think she says so profoundly in her book with words as beautiful as her accent:

God builds all the courage and calling of a lifetime into a story line big enough and rich enough to encompass kids, passion, work, creativity, AND dreams that don’t end in the labor and delivery ward.  

No matter where you are on your journey of motherhood, Surprised By Motherhood will encourage and inspire you to think differently about motherhood and your dreams.

And as an added bonus you’ll get to learn some fab South African terms!

We want to give away 3 copies of Surprised By Motherhood! If you’re a mom, leave a comment sharing one thing that surprised you about motherhood. If you’re not a mom yet, share one thing you’re looking forward to about motherhood.
(If you share this post on Twitter, Facebook or Pinterest, you double your chances of winning!)

Enter to win a free copy of Surprised by Motherhood by @lisajobaker from @refineus. http://refine.us/PdxWYP #surprisedbymotherhood (Click HERE to TWEET)

We’ll pick the winners on Friday, April 4th.

You should buy a copy of Surprised by Motherhood HERE.