Justin Davis's Blog, page 17

Advice for Long-Term Single Folks

This is a sponsored post from eHarmony.com. There are lot of poor online dating choices on the web. eHarmony strives for integrity and a comprehensive process to help single men and women find their best dating match. 

Being single for a long time while isn’t unusual, it can be frustrating when all you want is to meet someone. If your friends have stopped asking you about your love life and you’re starting to think it just won’t happen for you, it might be worth considering the following. . .

  

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Marriage isn’t a level up

Being married isn’t inherently different to being single. There are perks and drawbacks to each. When you meet the right person, it isn’t a ‘step up’ it’s just a change of pace. Lots of people berate themselves for being single which actually decreases their chances of meeting someone. Once you feel happy being alone, it’ll be much easier to reach out to someone else.

 Be honest, do you really want to be married?

Being single can be great. You can go where you want, when you want. You can even go to the other end of the world if you want and be accountable to no one. You can spend your money how you want to and take up a different hobby every night of the week.

Being in a relationship is great but it carries with it certain limitations – don’t be too quick to discount your single experience.

There’s nothing wrong with being single

From watching movies and TV shows, you might be forgiven for thinking that being single is akin to having the plague. If you haven’t met someone to get serious with by your mid-twenties, you’re abnormal, right? Wrong.

Some people don’t start dating til their thirties, some are childhood sweethearts who spend their whole lives together and some people are genuinely happier alone. Things are rarely one way or the other.

Are you pushing people away?

Is there a part of you which is scared about what being in a relationship might mean? If you’ve had some bad experiences in the past, you might be subconsciously protecting yourself from having them again.

Do you cancel on your eHarmony dates, get attached to people who aren’t available or feel hopeless because the right person hasn’t stumbled upon you by chance? Sometimes things do happen out of the blue but that doesn’t mean you can stop looking.

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Are you too picky?

Being too picky is another part of pushing people away. If you have impossibly high standards, no one will ever be able to fulfill them and you can feel justified in how alone you are.

Part of being in a relationship is learning to negotiate the things which annoy you. If you’d rather not ever be annoyed by anyone, it could be a hint as to why you’re still single.

Are you getting out there?

There’s no use complaining about being single if you’re not actively looking for love. Finding a relationship is literally a search – one that begins by expanding your social circle. How often are you trying new things such as joining classes or going to events? Have you told your friends you’re looking for love? Have you tried online dating?

Dating websites exist to bring all kinds of different people together in one place (click here for more information). Being open to new experiences is important in finding the relationship you deserve.

Let Hope In

Hope Changes Everything

It can disarm guilt, shatter shame, and put your past in its place. All you have to do is make the choice to let it in. It won’t be easy. It won’t be quick. But it is possible and we serve a God who promises over and over again that anything is possible.

Discover how pain that is not transformed, becomes transferred. Embrace the freedom of being okay with not being okay. Learn that a life of trusting is far more magnificent than a life of pleasing. Because hurt people, hurt people, but free people have the power to free people.

So make today the day that you get unstuck. The day you fill your past with the light of hope, the day you say good-bye to regret and shame. The day you choose to change your future and embrace who God created you to be, simply by making the choice to let hope in.

We are  honored to have Pete as a friend and our pastor, and have seen this message of hope transform and change so many lives.

RefineUs is all about finding hope through all of life’s circumstances.

Let Hope In releases today and in honor of that, we are giving away 5 copies this week.

Here’s how to qualify for the giveaway!

1. Leave a comment with your first name and where you live. 

2. Tweet or Facebook This: You can win a FREE copy of @pwilson’s new book Let Hope In from @refineus. http://refine.us/1bYEhQS  [Click to Tweet This]

That’s it…its that easy! We’ll randomly select the winners on Friday and announce them on Saturday.

Even if you don’t win, you can order the book through Amazon by clicking HERE

3 Questions to Keep You Connected With Those that Matter Most

Life is busy. It isn’t that we don’t have good intentions when it comes to staying connected as a family, it’s just hard to be intentional.

I’ve never drifted into spiritual health. I’ve never seen our family drift into quality time together. We’ve never drifted into deep, meaningful, life-giving conversations. Those things have to be chosen.

Trish and I used to think that whatever stage of life we were in, the “next one” would be less stressful; less chaotic; less busy.

That is a pipe dream.

No matter what stage of life you are in, the next one won’t bring relief. You’ll have to create your pace of life or your pace of life will create you. 

A few nights ago, after going over our fall calendar, both Trish and I were feeling overwhelmed. How can we stay connected spiritually? How can make sure we don’t drift apart from one another? How do we ensure we’re not just going through the motions. Here are three questions we are asking to help us evaluate our life, schedule and priorities. I am hoping they will keep you connected with those that matter most in your life.

1. How much TV are we watching?

Our house has an open concept that we love. It is one the things that helps us connect with one another because our kitchen opens up into our eat in dinning room which opens up into our living room. It also means that our TV is viewable in over 2/3 of the main floor of our house. It is easy at times to allow time in front of the TV to replace time in front of each other. This is a question to ask when you feel disconnected.

2. How many nights do we eat dinner at the table?

Trish is great about asking this question and guarding this value. We do our best to eat around the table at least four nights per week. That is tough, but it is possible most of the time. Conversation flows around the table. We look into each others’ eyes around the table. Stories are told around the table. How many nights do you need to sit around your table to feel connected?

3. Are we praying together?

It’s easy to get spiritually disconnected. There is a spiritual battle that we face every single day. There is a force at work against your family feeling connected to one another. Prayers is the best way to fight back. Sometimes it’s praying on our way to school, sometimes before bed or a big test. Sometimes we pray as we start the day. Praying invites God’s presence into our day and helps us know we are in this together.

These are just three questions…what would you add to this list?

 

 

Joy Comes After Mourning

Psalm 30:5 says:

Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning.

As awesome and encouraging this scripture is joy didn’t come to our house this past Monday morning. It should have, we’d sold our house in Zionsville, Indiana after moving out of it over four years ago. We were set to close Monday afternoon. Four years ago our boys were thirteen, eleven and six. Now our older two boys are in high school and our youngest is in middle school. So much has changed since our hot and sunny move to Nashville, July of 2009.

Our decision to move in order to step back into ministry at Cross Point Church was one of the scariest moves we ever made and we’ve moved a lot! This move came with unknowns and risks of failure and defeat if it didn’t work out. We’d spent the previous four years healing and dreaming not just as a couple but as a family for what ministry opportunities lie ahead.

Our children were choosing to risk it all alongside us, which also meant leaving the “Healing Place” our home had become. Transition meant saying good-bye to the familiar, comfort and community we had built in Indiana. We were trusting God to move our family from a place of healing and dreaming to actually stepping into those dreams.

I love how Tsh Oxenreider writes it in her book “Notes From A Blue Bike”

“People are willing to be brave when they admit their smallness within the enormity of the world, and the best way to understand our smallness is to leave our comfort zones and start exploring, one foot in front of the other.”

Four years ago we said good-bye to the “Healing Place” to return to full-time ministry. We all struggled with saying good-bye and often questioned if we were doing the right thing. But I believe our whole family would agree we have no regrets. God has shown-up in the good and the bad as our family has relentlessly pursued Him.

I wrote a post about saying good-bye to the “Healing Place” four years ago. The day we moved was the day I (Trisha) said good-bye. Even though we were only renting out our house I knew deep down we would never return. I sobbed and laughed and sobbed again as I allowed my mind to drift from one cherished memory to the next. My grieving had begun and after a year of being in our new surroundings, I enthusiastically anticipated what God had for us in Nashville.

I assumed Justin had too.

This past Monday morning we were set to close on the house and officially say goodbye. Joy had definitely come to my heart. I was beaming with excitement at the thought of finally getting to search for our own house here in Nashville. But my joy quickly turned to confusion and chaos.

Justin was on the phone with the husband of the family purchasing our “Healing Place” house. His breathing was labored, coupled with a panicked tone in his voice as he paced the room. My heart sank and all I could think was “the loan fell through”. But as I listened to the conversation I realized the deal was in full swing but there was something not sitting right with Justin, to the point he was borderline loosing his mind and temper.

So I did what every good wife would do… I took the phone from him. To say he was not happy with my act of peacekeeping is an understatement. As I engaged in conversation with the buyer to figure out what was going on, Justin was unraveling. We tried to calmly resolve the purchase agreement and agreed it was exactly what it needed to be, which left me even more puzzled as to why Justin had become so indignant.

I quickly ended our conversation in order to get to a meeting for which I was already late. Within an hour I received the news the house was sold. Although joy missed our house that morning I was certain it would make an appearance early afternoon.

I was wrong.

As I returned home, I sat with Justin at our dinning room table. Before he was even seated he collapsed his head into his folded arms with tears of grief falling from his cheeks. With his lips quivering he simply said: “That’s our house. That’s where we fell back in love. That’s were we became a new family. It’s so hard to say good-bye.”

His countenance during our morning phone call was all starting to make sense. I started to shed my own tears and we just sat and cried. Justin for the first time was truly saying good-bye to a house that was so much more than a house, but truly a place God healed and mended our marriage and family.

Joy did finally come, it just happened to be more like mid-afternoonish.

Our weeping was followed by a deep sense of joy for all God has done in our family. We were overwhelmed with joy as we reminisced about ALL he continues to do. God has big plans for our family!

Sometimes our deepest sorrows can bring us to a place where we become deeply rooted in the knowledge of God.

No matter if your marriage is in the midst of joy or sorrow God is always eagerly awaiting for us to draw closer to him.

When your spouse experiences sorrow God isn’t asking you to fix them but rather comfort them until joy comes, and it will come…even if it’s late afternoonish.

 

Protect Your Rep

I lived the majority of my life trying to build and protect my reputation. In that process, I didn’t do the hard work of character development.

Reputation and character are two different things.

Reputation is what others believe to be true about you. Character is who you really are. When you’re driven by reputation, then you begin to equate what you project to others as your character.

We guard our reputation and forego our character. 

We can’t let others know we’re struggling.

We can’t share our marriage problems with anyone. 

No one can find out about our addiction.

We have to pretend like we have it all together on Sunday at church because people are counting on us to be leaders.

We can’t go to counseling; what if someone finds out how broken we are?

For many of us we get to a place where protecting our reputation is more important than healing our heart. There are major problems. There are major issues. There has been a major mess up…but often we don’t acknowledge it. We pretend like it hasn’t happened. We act like its no big deal.

Trust has been broken; addictions have been revealed; hidden sin is now pushed into the light; but so many of us are more concerned about our reputation than we are our heart. We’re more concerned about what others think about us, than who we really are.

When losing your reputation is the driving force of your life…healing is a long way off. When you care about people finding out you are broken more than you care to be whole…your in for a long, painful, repetitive journey.

Pretending it doesn’t exist won’t make your lust issues go away. Acting like you are an honest person won’t help you stop lying. Keeping your marriage problems from your family and friends won’t help you avoid divorce. Being nice when people are around doesn’t make up for the anger issues you have in private.  Playing like you have lots of money when what you really have is lots of debt won’t allow you to live in freedom.

Protecting your rep, isn’t the same as guarding your heart.

The most courageous and the most freeing step you can take is to ask for help.

It may cost you in the court of public opinion, but it will bring healing to your soul and freedom from the game of pretending. 

Perfection vs Brokenness

A little over 8 years ago, our marriage was in serious jeopardy. We had no clue if we were going to be able to put the pieces back together again. In a moment of desperation, a friend called Focus on the Family and handed Trisha the phone. The crisis counselor on the other end of the phone gave Trish counsel that forever changed our marriage and laid the foundation for each of us to pursue brokenness.

It was brokenness that allowed us to not have an improved version of our old marriage, but instead a brand new marriage.

It was very humbling to be invited to spend the day at Focus on the Family talking about our book, Beyond Ordinary and the grace and redemption of God.

If you weren’t able to listen to the broadcast last week, you can download the MP3 of both Parts 1 and 2 HERE.

Focus on the Family also posted a conversation we had with Jim Daly, president of Focus on the Family about the difference between perfection and brokenness. You can watch this five-minute episode below as well.

(If you can’t see the video below, you can click HERE)

If you or someone you know are experiencing a crisis in your life or marriage, we can’t recommend the crisis hotline at Focus on the Family enough. It is a service they provide free of charge. It can provide you with immediate help and next steps.

Change the World…One Marriage at a Time

Have you ever been at a crossroads in your life? Two paths to choose from and neither is wrong?

The path you’ve been on is familiar. It’s much less complicated; much less faith-filled; much more comfortable.

This new direction is risky, unknown and uncomfortable…but it’s the way you know God is calling you. In a moment of faith, you step out and declare that being obedient is more important than being comfortable.

That is where Trish and I stood on January 1. We transitioned to a part time position at Cross Point and step into the full time mission of helping couples close the gap between the marriage they have and the marriage they dream of having.

Our book, Beyond Ordinary released and our goal was simple: Ignite a movement of people unwilling to settle for marriage as usual and lower the divorce rate in our country.

Simple, but not small.

Audacious.

Ridiculous.

Only God.

Most books have a shelf life of three to four months. Authors and publishers put a ton of energy into the launch of a book and it either takes off or it fizzles out.

We are nine months removed from the release of Beyond Ordinary and we truly feel like we are just starting to see this book’s influence and impact.

Only God.

People often ask how they can help our ministry. What is one thing they can do to help us share our message; to encourage us; to show their love and support?

Other than prayer for us and our ministry, the best thing you could do to support our ministry is purchase our book. Every book sold is a potential life changed.

We have quite a few people that read our blog each month…Can you imagine if every person reading this bought a book? How many marriages could we help? How many generations could we change? How many divorces could we prevent?

I know many of you reading this have already purchased our book. Many of you have purchased multiple copies and for that we are so very grateful.

If you haven’t purchased a copy yet, we want to partner with you to change the world…one marriage at a time. Will you join us?

Amazon has the book for $10.88 right now. You can invest $11 in your marriage or in the marriage of a family member or friend.

This is a crazy dream.

God specializes in crazy.

Thank you for being such a huge part of our RefineUs Community and dreaming with us.

Buy a copy of Beyond Ordinary HERE 

 

 

Want a Taste of the RefineUs Tour?

The RefineUs Tour kicks off on October 17th!

As we’ve shared with you guys, we’ve been given the opportunity to partner with The Joy FM, 88.3 The Wind and His Radio to bring the RefineUs Tour to thirteen cities this fall and winter. Our first tour date is ONE MONTH AWAY in Springfield, MO.

We’re working hard to create an experience that will encourage and inspire couples to never settle for marriage as usual.  We had the opportunity to sit down with three amazing couples and ask them about their marriage.

We are so grateful to Natalie and Bernie, Mike and Molly and Patsy and Les for sharing their stories and being a part of each evening. This is just a taste of some of the awesomeness they will be sharing on The RefineUs Tour.

(If you can’t view the video click HERE)

Would you help us this weekend spread the word about the tour? Share this post on Facebook and Twitter.

The RefineUs Tour is an evening to transform your heart and the heart of your marriage. Check it out here: http://refine.us/15GONZ7 {TWEET THIS}

For dates, locations and ticket info, click HERE. 

 

Simple But Not Easy

Our first big fight came five months into marriage. We argued over Christmas presents. Gifts that were meant to express our love and appreciation ignited a verbal assault on one another’s heart.

The argument ended with three words, “I hate you.”

Married life wasn’t going to be as easy as we thought it would be.

Looking back now, eighteen years later, I (Trish) can see that we unknowingly equated simple with easy. We loved each other and we wanted to change the world together…simple enough.

Love seems simple…but it’s complicated.

Sexual intimacy is simple…but it’s very complex.

Marriage sounds simple…but it’s definitely not easy. 

Forgiveness is one word whose definition is simple to explain; yet the concept it represents is so hard to live out. There are some great quotes on forgiveness. A lot of Bible verses talk about it.

But how on earth do you forgive, truly forgive, when what forgiveness requires seems like more than you can give?

I am guest posting today over at SimpleMom.net.  Click HERE to read the rest of the post. 

A Gift You Can Never Earn

The word, unconditional is an amazing word.

It isn’t dependent on performance. It isn’t dependent on ability. It isn’t biased. It doesn’t have favorites. It isn’t based on what one deserves or doesn’t deserve. It can’t be earned or paid back.

Unconditional is without conditions.

It isn’t dependent on anything. Most of us can’t comprehend “unconditional”. We think we can, but most of the time we attach conditions to God’s unconditional love.

Not God.

He loves without conditions.

No ifs.

No buts.

No whens.

No conditions.

Your level of eduction doesn’t improve it.

Your employment status and title doesn’t impress it.

Your performance doesn’t determine it.

Your attempt at perfection doesn’t secure it.

Your pretending to be better than what you are doesn’t increase it.

Without conditions.

Your past won’t stop it.

Your mistakes can’t prevent it.

Your addiction doesn’t undo it.

Your reputation can’t diminish it.

Your marital status doesn’t affect it.

Your guilt won’t lessen it.

Your regrets don’t water it down.

Your hidden sin won’t block it.

Your insecurity doesn’t change it.

Your fears can’t intimidate it.

Unconditional.

Our need to put conditions on a love that God gives unconditionally only complicates our relationship with Him. Whatever attempt we make today to earn it or prove it or gain God’s love only prevents us from experiencing the fullness of it.

The only right response to unconditional love is receiving it. Living in it. Basking in it. Loving from it. Forgiving because of it. Being grateful for it. Worshiping out of it.

Without conditions.