Justin Davis's Blog, page 19

40 for 40

A few days ago, I saw Rob Bell tweet something about his 43rd birthday. My first thought was, “Rob Bell is 3 years older than me…sweet!” I clicked on the link and saw that he is trying to raise $43,000 for Charity Water on his 43rd birthday.

I turn 40 years old today.

Just typing that hurts my fingers. (I’m so old I probably have arthritis)  After seeing Rob Bell’s post, I started thinking about my own birthday.

Another birthday could pass and beyond the Facebook messages and “Happy birthdays” on Twitter it would just be a another day.

What if I could leverage my 40th birthday to help change 40 lives?

As many of you know, Trish and I have been passionate about child sponsorship for years. We have three different children we sponsor in three different countries. We are praying about sponsoring a fourth child.

I wish I was always on board with child sponsorship…but that isn’t the case.

One of the biggest fights we’ve ever had was over sponsoring a child.

Trish took a packet at a concert and came home with a desire to help a little boy have food, clothing and education. I went off about how much money it was and how there was no way we could do that.

I convinced her we couldn’t afford the monthly support.

Thirteen years passed before we talked about it again. 13 years.

 

Just because we missed an opportunity then, doesn’t mean we can’t seize one now.

Trisha and I have been given the awesome privilege of partnering with Food for the Hungry on our fall tour. Our friend Lindsey just returned from Guatemala and sent us some of the pictures from her trip.

Food for the Hungry is an organization that brings hope and help into impoverished places all over the world. They provide resources to not just feed and educate children, they also help transform communities with job training, skill development and the love of Christ.

What if we use my 40th birthday as an excuse to do something together that could impact others for eternity?

I’d love your help today. I’m asking for your help today.

Our mission for RefineUs is to restore hope and renew relationships. Together we can restore hope for 40 kids and families today. Wouldn’t that be amazing?

Will you help?

 There are two specific ways you can help:

Sponsor a child.  The cost is $35 per month.

CLICK HERE to go to Food for the Hungry’s Web site. You can search for your child by age, country and gender. Food for the Hungry will then send you an information packet about your child and how you can correspond with him/her.

Secondly, if you can’t sponsor a child, will you help share this post?

Share it on your Facebook page or you if you have Twitter,

————>Click  here to Tweet this post

Thank you for helping me make this birthday special…beyond just turning 40.

If you choose to sponsor a child, we’d love for you to share that with us. If you don’t feel comfortable leaving it in the comments, drop us a note and let us know.

A Letter To My Husband…

A few months ago I was searching for a specific document and during my search found this letter. I wrote this love letter to Justin in 1994 a year before we got married. We had both moved to Vermont Illinois (a small farming town) for a part-time youth ministry position, while also attending Western Illinois University.

Although the families we stayed with were amazing and our small country church was as loving as a church could be, we were both struggling to find our way. School was hard. Ministry was hard. We were both homesick. But God used this time as he always does to draw us closer to him and in return closer to each other.

I cried tears of gratitude as the words I wrote almost twenty years ago still remain true to this day!

Tomorrow is Justin’s 40th Birthday (we have a very special post for tomorrow). But I thought I would hijack our blog to tell him Happy Birthday today. Because words of affirmation are one of Justin’s top love languages, this letter seemed the best gift I could give to him.

Dear Justin,

What was true almost twenty years ago remains true to this day. I love you deeply and consider it an honor to call you my best friend. Although our path has been filled with lonely valleys and exhilarating mountain highs, one thing remains the same… God loves you and I love you!

 HAPPY 40TH BIRTHDAY JUSTIN!!!! 

I would love for you to join me in wishing JUSTIN a HAPPY 40TH BIRTHDAY!! 

God Never Promised Easy

There is a reality that all of us face every day…life is hard. It’s only when I try to escape that reality that I am blindsided by the difficulty of life.

Friendship is hard.

Marriage is hard.

Integrity is hard.

Parenting is hard.

Leading is hard.

Family dynamics are hard.

I’ve been praying through a decision I have to meet my biological father before he passes away. I am reminded how difficult life and family and relationships can be at times.

What God brought to my mind today is: Whoever said it would be easy?

God never promised easy, He promised His presence.

God never promised comfort, He promised to be comforting.

Jesus said “In this world you will have trouble, but take heart, I have overcome the world.”

Life is hard.

It is hard to tell the truth, when the easier thing to do is lie.

It is hard to stay when it’s easier to pack up and leave.

It is hard to be vulnerable when it’s easier to be fake.

It is hard to say your sorry when it’s easier to wait for an apology.

It is hard to serve when you feel you deserve to be served.

It is hard to give in when it’s easier to demand your own way.

It is hard to forgive when holding a grudge is justified.

It is hard to trust when trust has been broken.

It is hard to have faith, when faith has been lost. It is hard to have hope when despair is your companion. It is hard to persevere when giving up seems so much easier.

It will be hard. Your marriage will be hard. Your friendships will be hard. Your family dynamics will be hard. Your work relationships will be hard.Your faith in God will be tested.

So if you find yourself surprised and maybe even discouraged at how hard life is right now…

…take heart, He has overcome the world.

 

RefineUs Launch Party

We’re celebrating!

Last week, we launched a brand new site and shared a pretty huge announcement.

Here’s our one-minute video invitation:

We’re so excited for the RefineUs Tour 2013.

Lots of prayer, lots of planning and lots of dreaming have been brewing for a while.

To celebrate the redesign of our new site and the launch of our fall tour, WE’RE GIVING STUFF AWAY!

Entering to win is very simple.

If you have Twitter, just click HERE to Tweet this post:

You can also enter two more times below through Facebook, and by leaving a comment.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

We’ll randomly select the winners on Sunday, August 11, at 9:00 PM Central Time.

Thanks for supporting our blog, our ministry and our passion to help restore hope and renew relationships.

We love you guys!

I’ll Go With You

In June of 2009, Trish and I were preparing to move from Indianapolis to Nashville to work at a church again after almost four years out of ministry.

It was a big step of faith for us. RefineUs was just a blog and only a few months old. We had no aspirations of writing a book, traveling or speaking.

One of my best friends, Pete, offered me a second chance to be a pastor at Cross Point and we were excited about the opportunity to serve in the Church again.

A few days before our move, my mom came to our house to share some news with me that she’d been keeping from me my entire life. She and my dad had recently divorced after 36 years of marriage, and in that process, God had begun to do a new work in her. She couldn’t live with this secret any longer.

In a huge moment of honesty, she told me that my dad wasn’t my biological father, I had been adopted when I was a toddler. She then told me the name of my real father and explained the relationship she had with him before meeting the person I called, “Dad.”

It was a huge bombshell.

There’s a lot more to the story, obviously, but over the past four years I’ve done a lot of questioning, processing, praying and healing. I’ve tried to decide if I want to meet my biological father or not.

Then yesterday, everything changed.

My mom called to tell me that my biological father has been diagnosed with lung and brain cancer and has three to six months to live.

Closure is coming, whether I’m ready for it or not.

Over the years, Pete and I have talked about my adoption and my dilemma about meeting my real dad. Yesterday, I told him about my father’s diagnosis and asked him to keep me in his prayers.

A few hours later, I sent Pete a text and simply said, “If you were me, would you go and meet him before he dies?”

Within minutes of sending the text, he called me. We talked about hypotheticals and different scenarios and how the whole thing could play out.

I was pretty emotional and told him that I am pretty sure I should go and meet my father before he passes away, I just don’t want to.

Then Pete said four words that made all the difference.

“I’ll go with you.”

We’ve been friends since 2001. We’ve planted churches together; pushed babies in strollers together at the mall; laughed together; cried together; confessed sin to one another; confided in each other.

But nothing defines friendship more than presence.

The promise of presence is the essence of friendship.

I’ll be there for you. I’ll go with you. I’ll stand next to you when you meet your dad for the first time. That was the promise.

I said, “Are you crazy? You have a church to run. You don’t have time to do that.” He simply said, “You say the word, and I’ll make it happen.”

If you’re looking for a magic formula to have a great friendship, there are tons of books to read on the subject. There are steps to take and things to say and ways to act that will help you develop deep, meaningful relationships. But nothing is quite as powerful as:

I’ll go with you.

Maybe someone in your life needs to hear that today. I’ll go with you through the fire. I’ll walk with you through the storm. Where you go, I’ll go.

We can all choose to be that for someone.

Thank you, Pete, for being that friend for me.

I Feel Nothing For You

Today, we are honored to share with you a post from our friend, Peter Greer. Peter is husband to Laurel, daddy to Keith, Lili and Myles, President and CEO of HOPE International (www.hopeinternational.org) and author of The Spiritual Danger of Doing Good (www.spiritualdanger.com). His book is so good. You can purchase a copy from Amazon by clicking HERE. 

 

A few years ago, after the kids were in bed, my wife Laurel said something I will never forget: You are choosing your ministry over me—and I feel nothing for you.

She said she was committed to me, but she had been growing increasingly discontent in our marriage.

I was blindsided by the comment. We had such a good start. We knew that God brought us together. I loved my wife. I loved my kids. But I was shocked into the realization that somehow my ministry had become my mistress.

Without recognizing it, I had started to have an unexpected affair… with my job.

What was justified as just a “busy season” became a busy year. Which turned into two. Then three.

There was always guilt about calling and saying I wouldn’t be home for dinner, but I felt something else too. At work, I was needed, affirmed—almost indispensable. I felt rewarded for going above and beyond – and I could see the impact. And most of all, I really believed in the work I was doing.

But if I had looked in the rearview mirror, I would have seen that Laurel was virtually operating as a single mom while I was building a “successful” ministry.

I was so focused on the demands and feelings of worth at work that I missed both the joy and significance of my key role as a husband and father.

Too often, in ministry workaholism is praised – even when it has more to do with fueling your own ambition than following God’s call for your life. And left unchecked, it leaves families in shambles.

If you’ve felt the demands of both work and family; or if you are single, and you’re juggling friends and family (and you can justify staying late at the office because there’s no one telling you to come home), then you have experienced how easily work can become your mistress.

I give Laurel an incredible amount of credit. It took courage for her to call attention to our marital issues – and I believe this pivotal conversation ended up saving our marriage. Realizing we were at a crisis point, I canceled my business trip I was planning to take to Peru. And I cleared my work schedule. But it has been a journey to go “beyond ordinary” in marriage again.

In addition to ample amounts of grace, love and forgiveness, here are some of the guardrails that help ensure we will never again so casually drift apart in our marriage.

Prayer. More than anything else, getting in the habit of daily praying together has turned our relationship right-side up. When you come before the Creator of the Universe with your spouse, your perspective changes. Your arguments seem smaller. Prayer revolutionized our marriage.
Resignation Letter. I actually handed Laurel a resignation letter. Laurel can mail my letter to the chair of our board if she ever feels that I’m not being the husband and father she needs me to be. And with that, I would officially resign.
Ask!  Monitoring key performance indicators on the health and welfare of our programs at HOPE, I rarely asked my wife how she was doing.  Periodically now I do “impact assessments” – ten simple questions that help me know how I can be supporting her better.
Limit travel.  We have so many good opportunities. I felt I had to say “yes” to all of them.   Recently I have limited my travel to six nights per month.  By saying “no” to good opportunities, I get the chance to tuck my children into bed and say “yes” to the best ones.
Tuck the iPhone in a drawer.  One day I was helping my two-year-old son get breakfast while reading a work email on my blackberry. “No phone, no phone,” he said to me.  This was a gut check for me.  Now, I literally put my blackberry in the kitchen drawer until my kids go to bed, so I know my focus is on my family.

The bottom line is this—it’s not worth it to run a great ministry when your family is neglected.  In fact, it doesn’t honor God.  I am so grateful that my wife had the love—and courage—to confront me about where my priorities lie.

Never again am I willing to be successful at work but a failure at home.

The RefineUs Tour 2013

It began with a race.

In 2012, a friend asked me (Trisha) to run a half-marathon with her on behalf of Natalie Grant and Natalie’s organization, Abolition International. Abolition International exists to fight human trafficking. A major partner and sponsor of the race was a radio station in Florida, TheJOY FM.

The fact that the race took place at Disney World and was for a good cause was a win-win all around. But just days before the race I got a call from my friend explaining to me she couldn’t go.

What began as a race was now a mission; a mission to complete what I started even if it meant going it alone. I knew no one and had no clue what I was doing, but I was still determined to see it through. So I got on a plane and headed to Florida.

I showed up to the pre-race dinner hosted by Abolition and TheJOY FM with my ginormous suitcase and took the word awkward to a whole new level. A small group of ladies setting-up warmly welcomed me, but had no idea what to do with me. They knew I was there as Natalie’s guest (which even I had no idea what that meant) so they put my suitcase in a closest and put me at the head table.

After I finished my awkward introduction to those I was sitting with, one of the ladies got up from MY table to MC the entire night. I no longer worried about the race killing me. One more step into the land of awkward and I was a goner.

Thankfully I didn’t die that night from embarrassment…in fact I even finished the race the next day. But what started as a race turned personal mission, was in the end God’s way of taking me on a journey.

This race was an introduction to a personal journey of allowing a group of ladies to forever mark my heart. One lady in particular impacted me…the MC of the evening was also the host of TheJOY FM’s morning show, Carmen Brown.

Carmen took me in and included me as if we had been besties for years. I believe this is her special super power (but don’t tell her I said that.) The more we talked the more evident it became we are kindred spirits. Our season of life, marriage and heartaches seemed to unite our hearts in a way neither of us anticipated.

Over the next year we would keep in contact with each other through social media. I had no idea how loved, connected and cherished Carmen is by so many.

Carmen has not only become a great friend but she also believes in RefineUs Ministries. So in February of this year, she asked us to come to the station to talk about our book, Beyond Ordinary, and the response from her listeners was overwhelming. It was truly an amazing experience.

But just when I think I know the dreams God has for me, He always out-dreams me!

Always!

What started as a race, turned personal mission, lead to this wild journey and is now becoming a dream come true!

Over the past several months God has crossed our paths with some amazing people who share the same desire to help restore hope and renew marriage relationships. Carmen has been one of those people. But God continues to bring more.

One of my dearest friends, Lindsey Nobles, not only has a passion for life but a passion for others. She is one of the biggest cheerleaders for RefineUs Ministries. As I shared with her about my time with Carmen, she started dreaming “what if” type dreams for RefineUs.

Much like Carmen, Lindsey is very loved, known and connected and is quick to move to action. Lindsey began to cast vision for a RefineUs Tour that could go to different cities and impact hundreds if not thousands of marriages.

Within a few weeks, Food for the Hungry came on board as a sponsor of the tour. TheJOY FM and all of their sister stations through out the southeast  believe in this event and will be a major partner in promoting the tour, sharing our story with their listeners and inviting people to each event.

An invitation to run a race has given birth to a vision of a tour to help marriages move beyond ordinary.

The BIG Announcement

The video below is our official announcement and invitation to The RefineUs Tour 2013. Tickets are on sale for some locations and will continue to go on sale at all locations this week!

Dates and Locations:
2013

 

October 4: Springfield, MO

October 24: Dothan, AL

Octoober 25: Atlanta, GA

October 26: Savannah, GA

October 27: Charleston, SC

November 1: Augusta, GA

November 2: Raleigh, NC

November 3: Greenville, SC

2014

 

January 23: Ocala/Gainesville

January 24: Clearwater

January 25: Lakeland

January 26: Bradenton/Sarasota

August 1 Is the Day

We’ve been building up for an exciting announcement for Thursday, August 1st. Make sure you check back here are RefineUs for a new look, a new post and a pretty huge announcement. (No we’re not pregnant.)

Thanks for being an amazing part of our community. See you tomorrow.

 

Justin and Trish

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How To Bring Life To Every Relationship

The words we say have power. They have power to breath life into a relationship. Words have power to build up a marriage. They have power to inspire a child. They have the power to shape a soul. Words have power to destroy as well. They can wound a heart; they can damage a marriage; they can create hurt that lasts for years.

Words can build up and words can tear down.

The words that we say to one another aren’t just a reflection of our behavior, they are a reflection of our heart. The words you say are in direct connection to the condition of your heart. There is no getting around it…sooner or later, your heart will overflow in the words you say and how you say them.

Jesus says it like this: A good person produces good things from the treasury of a good heart, and an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an evil heart. What you say flows from what is in your heart. Luke 6:45

As we start a new week, we have the opportunity to speak life into our relationships. We can restore a friendship with what we say. We can improve our marriage with the words we choose. We can redeem a broken relationship with a family member because we choose to allow the love of Christ to overflow into our words.

Here are five statements that will bring life to your relationships this week:

1. You matter to me.

Who in your life needs to hear you say, “You matter to me?” Your kids? A co-worker? Your spouse? Those four words could breath life into a relationship.

2. I forgive you.

There is nothing that hinders the growth of a relationship more than built up resentment. There is also nothing that restores intimacy more than grace that is given freely. Who do you need to forgive? Will you choose to do it this week?

3. I was wrong.

Maybe what keeping a relationship broken is your unwillingness to admit you are wrong. You are clinging to your rights. You justify your choice, and the relationship is damaged simply because you won’t admit a mistake.

4. Thank you.

Gratitude is an overflow of a heart that sees life as a gift. Entitlement and gratitude can’t live in the same heart. You can’t feel entitled to something and grateful for it at the same time. Who do you need to say thank you to in your life? Who have you taken for granted?

5. I believe in you.

There may not be four more powerful words than, “I believe in you.” Those words have the power to shape the future of someone in your life. Who desperately needs to hear from you that you believe in them?

So much of our relationship hurts and dysfunction revolve around what we say or don’t say. The great thing is you can control that. You can choose to say life giving words this week. The question is…will you?

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A Walk Through The Dark: Guest Post Eva Piper

We are excited to share a guest post with you today from Eva Piper. Eva is a speaker and author with a unique insight into the trials of heartache and the triumph of overcoming. The wife of best-selling author Don Piper, Eva was the glue that held her broken husband and her family together. Don’s story, recounted in the New York Times bestseller, 90 Minutes in Heaven: A True Story of Life and Death, is Eva’s story too. A teacher of 34 years, she and Don now live in Pasadena, Texas. Visit http://evapiper.com.

Pre-order her book A Walk Through the Dark from Amazon by clicking HERE

__________________________________________________

“Do you take this woman/man to be your lawfully wedded wife/husband? For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health ‘til death to you part?” Many young couples have stood in marriage ceremonies across the world and romantically answered, “I do”. Fifteen years before Don’s accident we stood at the front of Barksdale Baptist Church with family and friends looking on as we uttered those very words. I admit that as a young bride I had no idea how my promise would be tested in years to come. No bride or groom wants to think anything troublesome will come their way.

Shortly after our fifteenth wedding anniversary I was standing beside a hospital bed looking at a man I scarcely recognized. His physical appearance had changed following numerous surgeries to piece him back together after being hit head-on by an 18 wheeler. He was encased in metal frames on his left leg and arm in an attempt to repair broken and lost bone. Those were changes I could pass over and still see the man I loved. It wasn’t his physical change that disturbed me, it was the change in his personality that was difficult to understand and accept. For weeks following Don’s accident he plunged into a deep depression, one where he wouldn’t speak to me, where the only response I could get was a grunt or single syllable monotone answers. Most of the time I received no response at all. There was no joy, no willingness to get better, no appreciation, nothing. It was like talking to a zombie. As his wife I couldn’t understand why he was not rejoicing in the fact he had survived a horrific wreck followed by frightening medical complications. It didn’t seem like he cared about anything or anyone.

One evening about mid-February I arrived at St. Luke’s Hospital after a day of teaching first grade at Stevenson Primary in Alvin, TX. I had a book bag on my arm filled with papers to grade, lesson plans to write, and thank-you notes to send. I stood outside his room for a moment, pasted on my Suzy Sunshine smile, and walked in. As usual I received no acknowledgement when I entered. The rest of the evening I spent working through the items in my bag and finished before visiting hours were over. Though I typically stayed until the very last minute, that evening I decided to head home early. I thought to myself, “Don doesn’t care if I’m here or not so why shouldn’t I go home and try to get some rest?” I was exhausted on all levels….physically, emotionally, mentally, and even spiritually. The thought of getting home early, taking a long, hot shower, and heading to bed sounded like a great plan. I began to gather my things and headed toward the door. As I reached for the handle I turned and said, “Guess I’ll head home. See you tomorrow. Love you”. His grunt of response hit me hard. I turned, dropped my book bag, marched over to the foot of his bed and let him have it.

“Why are you acting like this? Aren’t you glad to be alive and here with our kids, with me? Don’t you love me anymore? You are so mean, mean to me, mean to our children, mean to anyone who comes to see you. What’s wrong with you?”

I couldn’t believe I was saying those things but I couldn’t seem to stop myself. All my frustrations came to a boiling point in the moment between the door and the foot of his bed. Seeing my bag on the floor I reached for it ready to storm out the door. That’s when I noticed Don’s face in the large, wall mirror next to his bed. Tears were streaming down his face and his chest was heaving in heavy, silent sobs. Instantly I was at his side, trying my best to put my arms around him, in and through all the metal, saying over and over, “It’s OK, things will be alright. I’m here. We’ll make it through this. Don’t worry.”

Often I’d put my arms around our children to soothe hurts and pain, now I was doing that for my husband.

God took that opportunity to teach me a great lesson.

“God loves us even in all our ugliness. I needed to see Don through God’s eyes.” I stood there holding Don and realized for the first time how hard this was for him. How much pain he was going through and how that had to affect his state of mind. I knew then that we were living through a ‘worse’ time but that God had used it to bond us more tightly together.

It is a blessing I am forever thankful for.

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