Justin Davis's Blog, page 22

Prep for Marriage Class at Cross Point

Are you in a serious dating relationship, engaged to be married or in your first year of marriage? If so, I’m so pumped about a class we are offering at Cross Point this coming Saturday.

At Cross Point, we want you to be equipped to have the marriage God intended–an extraordinary marriage. On June 15th from 9:00 AM to noon at the Nashville Campus, I (Justin) will be teaching a Prep for Marriage class. This class will provide you with real and relevant information to help your marriage thrive.

Cost is $20 per couple and includes snacks and drinks, materials and a copy of the book Beyond Ordinary.  To register, click HERE, or for questions email me at Justin@Crosspoint.tv.

Whether you are seriously dating, engaged or within your first year of marriage, there are countless topics that are crucial to talk about and navigate through. As a church, we want to help you not just survive in your marriage, but truly have the marriage God has in mind.

Register HERE

 

 

 

 

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Desperate For God

This past weekend, Trisha and I had the opportunity to speak at Parkview Christian Church. It is an amazing church and we were honored to spend the weekend with them.

Sunday morning, we finished our message during the 9AM service and walked down to the front row of seating as the special music started. At that moment, something happened that has never happened to us in any environment.

A man from the audience ran down the aisle and fell at Trish’s feet. In front of us and 2000 other people in the room, he collapsed into her shoulders, shaking and sobbing so hard he could barely keep himself up. The music was playing but all I could hear was this man saying, “I’m desperate for God. I’m desperate for grace. I’ve messed up so bad. I am desperate.” He just knelt there and cried and cried. When the song was over, he got up and went back to his seat.

There is something beautiful about raw brokenness. You know it when you see it. It was a holy moment. We were simply over hearing the his prayers as he was sobbing them to God.

If I’m honest, I’m not desperate for God enough. I want God. I need God…but not desperately. I am aware but fail to acknowledge often enough that he is my only hope.

As I’ve thought about it this week, I think there are a few things that keep you and me in our seat and not on our knees.

Pride: I’m not desperate for God because I think I can be him. I can be smart enough. I can earn money. I can solve problems. I can figure things out. I can choose what is best. I can make the right decisions. It is because of our pride that it often takes pain, loss or tragedy to bring about change in our hearts. God allows life and circumstances to strip us of all of the things we take pride in so we reattach our hope to him.

Insecurity: We are insecure about what others think of us. Admitting we don’t have it all together could change their opinion of us. What will they think? How will they respond? Our reputation has become more important than authentic faith. We play a part for people rather than sharing our real selves with them. We put a lot of energy into building our image but we lose our desperation for God in the process.

Fear: What if God doesn’t come through? What if we acknowledge that He is our only hope and then He lets us down? If we control the situation. If we manipulate people and circumstances then at least we can semi-know the outcome. But if we allow ourselves to be vulnerable and God leaves us hanging….then what? Fear is why we become really good at surrendering parts of our heart and parts of our life to God but not our full selves…because we need a back up plan, just in case.

I want to be desperate for God. Not desperate for what God can do for me or give me, but simply desperate for Him. I am asking God to take away any pride, insecurity or fear that keeps me sitting and observing Him and not on my knees worshipping Him.

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We’re Coming Back

Hey guys! We know it has been a while since we’ve posted at RefineUs. Just wanted you to know we haven’t forgotten about you. We have been traveling a lot the past few weeks and don’t want our posts to be leftovers, but rather an overflow of what God is doing in our lives. We’ll be back tomorrow with a new post and hopefully back in a rhythm for the summer.

Thanks for being a part of our community and partnering with us to restore hope and renew relationships.

We love you guys.

 

Justin and Trish

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5 Pitfalls to Avoid In Your Love Life

This is a sponsored post from eHarmony.com. There are lot of poor online dating choices on the web. eHarmony strives for integrity and a comprehensive process to help single men and women find their best dating match. 

When we look for love, it’s easy to think that getting into a relationship will solve all of our problems. The truth is that, while romantic relationships can certainly enhance our lives, there are lots of things which can stand in the way of our happiness even when we’re coupled up. Here are some of the pitfalls which can prevent us from enjoying healthy, loving relationships.

1. Unresolved feelings

Sometimes it’s easy to think that a new relationship will provide a new start but if there are unresolved feelings hanging around, it can be anything but. Even if you’re convinced that your ex is out of your life forever, it doesn’t mean you should jump into a new commitment. How will you feel if your ex suddenly returns? Feeling as though you have definitely moved on is much more important than making sure you have a new partner in your life.

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2. Low self-confidence

When one partner is constantly reassuring the other or having to change their plans to fit around their loved one’s anxieties, it can put a real strain on an otherwise good relationship. A relationship isn’t supposed to fix the parts of yourself which you feel are broken. Knowing that you’re loved is only half the journey – feeling all right in yourself is crucial to the survival of a partnership with someone else.

3. Jealousy

Following on from the idea of low self-confidence, jealousy is another relationship nightmare. When you feel down about yourself, you’re more likely to be suspicious about why your partner wants to be with you. This may cause feelings of insecurity or frustration and might lead to obsessive behavior, such as demanding your partner be in constant contact, checking their phone or insisting that they’re not telling the truth.

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Ironically, people who fear that their partner may be cheating on them are much more likely to cheat on their partner themselves out of fear that they’ll be left alone. Resolving feelings of insecurity can take time but it’s a good idea to recognize when it’s happening so that you can do something about it.

4. Not meeting the right people

When you’ve been single for a while, it could be because you’re stuck for ideas of where to meet people. It’s easy to go round in circles, believing that there is some perfect place where you can go to meet the partner of your dreams but, the truth is, meeting a partner takes time. The best way to go about it is simply to increase your socializing and be patient. If you get out and about enough then eventually the right person will appear.

Online dating is a good option for busy people as it doesn’t take long to search for like-minded people who are ideally suited to you (click here for more information).

5. Having impossible standards

Being in a relationship isn’t always a walk in the park and there will be times when you and your partner drive each other crazy. Walking away from a relationship because it isn’t perfect or because your partner can’t be everything you need at all times will only make you feel miserable and bereft. By following dating advice and being patient with each other, you’ll be able to see that you’re both human and there will be times when you need space.

Cultivating a healthy love life takes work, whether you’re single, dating or in a long-term relationship. Being able to spot these pitfalls when they arise could go a long way to helping you find the relationship you deserve.

 

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A Beyond Ordinary Sale

Most of the churches we visit and speak at order books directly from our publisher. They then sell them after we speak and keep the money from the sale. It is a win for them because they make a few dollars on each sale of our book. It is a win for us because we don’t have to order books, travel with books, sell books and deal with left over inventory.

Occasionally, we are responsible for book sales. When ever this happens I (Justin) always think we’ll sell more books than we actually sell. I’m an optimist.

It’s happened again. I thought we’d sell about 40 more books than we actually sold. I was wrong…again.

So, we’d like to offer you a special on our book this week or until we run out.

We’ll sign our book, mail it to you (or to a friend if you’d like to buy a copy for them) and include a “Good Isn’t Good Enough” band with each purchase.

Beyond Ordinary Book and Band

We posted this sale yesterday and sold 20 of the 40 we have.

If you’ve been waiting to buy the book or want to buy it for a friend, neighbor or co-worker THIS IS THE SALE FOR YOU!

Our online price is at least $2 cheaper than any other place to purchase the book. THIS IS THE SALE FOR YOU!

 

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Heading to Chi-Town

We are so pumped to resume the Beyond Ordinary book tour and head north to Chicago. Well…we aren’t exactly in Chicago this weekend, but anywhere within a 50 mile radius of Chicago, I like to consider Chicago.

As many of you know Trish is from Joliet, so we are going to get to spend some time with her family, attend our niece’s graduation and meet our great-nephew Jayden.

We are honored to speak at three amazing churches in the Chicago-land area. If you are close to Chi-town, (and by close I mean within 50 miles ) we’d love to meet you!

Saturday, May 25 and Sunday, May 26: Community Christian Church, Naperville, Yellow Box location.

Thursday, May 30 7:00 PM: Community Lincoln Park, Lincoln Park Location

Saturday, June 1 and Sunday, June 2: Parkview Christian Church, Orland Park, IL

Thanks for all the different ways you’ve made the release of Beyond Ordinary an unbelievable adventure. With your help God is using this book to restore hope and renew relationships.

We’d love your prayers as we travel, speak and encourage people to never settle for marriage as usual.

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Overcoming Burnout

I’ve struggled with burnout several times and in several seasons of life and ministry. Some seasons of burnout were fixed by a vacation or a weekend away. Other seasons of burnout were accompanied by a deep depression and an inability on my part to “fix” it.

A few months ago, I found myself in the latter place. Tired. Depressed. Unmotivated. Exhausted. Grouchy. Spiritually dry. I could feel it.

Our book released in January; our travel schedule went bonkers; I transitioned to a part-time role at Cross Point; our kids’ sports schedule was hectic. I felt burnt out.

Then we went on vacation. In my mind this would fix me. This was just what I needed. This would reset my energy level and fill my tank.

But it didn’t.

I’ve lived most of my Christian life believing I was in control of burnout. I believed I could do certain things to avoid it or if I wasn’t wise enough to avoid it then I could do certain things to overcome it.

Vacation…didn’t work. But I have a formula. I have a “get out of burnout jail free” plan.

Guard my calendar and don’t overcommit 
Set boundaries and don’t open my computer or check email in the evening
Go out on dates with Trish
Spend extra time with the boys
Take a day off
Have a quiet time
Pray more
Read the Bible more

These things will fix me.

A few weeks after vacation I remember praying this prayer, “God I am doing all of these things and I’m still exhausted. Why aren’t you showing up? I’m doing my part, you need to do yours. Reenergize me.”

Then I came across this passage of scripture in Matthew from Jesus (Message version):

Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.  Matthew 11:28-30

 What I realized is that burnout isn’t a condition of our calendar; burnout is a condition of our heart.

I was trying to DO all of these things to overcome burnout and in the process burnt out more. The things I was trying to do became heavy burdens I carried. I was forcing the rhythm of grace in my life and heart.

I felt God speak to my heart, “Stop focusing on what you are doing and start focusing on who you are becoming. I don’t want you to DO; I want you to BE.”

Overcoming burnout happens as we shift from doing to being.

Here are a few things God is challenging me to BE as I deal with burnout, I hope they are helpful to you.

1. Be Broken. 

Brokenness is simply remembering your need for God and your inability to be God. It is living as if grace is truly amazing and you’d be lost without it. Brokenness is a daily awareness of your desperation for Jesus.

2. Be Honest. 

Christians are the most dishonest people I know. We have a keen ability to fake each other out. Our goal is to impress others with how put together we are, but we fail to realize the damage our dishonesty does to our own heart. Being honest about how you are doing is one of the first steps to overcoming burnout and living light and free.

3. Be You. 

A direct path to burnout is comparison. We compare other’s wins to our loses. We are jealous of other’s success, not their faithfulness. We see their platform not their failures. We compare who others are in public to who we are in private. God didn’t create you to copy or mimic someone else. He created you to be you. Freedom is found as you feel comfortable in your own skin.

4. Be Humble. 

There is a difference between humility and insecurity. Humility makes you small and Jesus big. Insecurity makes you wish you were big and causes Jesus to be small. Ask for help. Confess your hurts, struggles and weaknesses to someone. Get counseling. Counseling isn’t a sign of weakness. It is a sign of humility and wisdom.

These are four things I am asking God to help me become. When I focus on becoming, the doing of Christianity doesn’t feel as heavy.

How do you overcome burnout in your life? 

 

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The Most Important Thing You Can Give Your Kids

A few months ago I felt God prompt me to get away with my boys for the weekend. So this past weekend the four of us went to Father/Son camp in Indiana through an organization called Mission Uprising. We had a blast.

But God used the weekend to expose some things in me and some things in my relationship with my boys that need my attention.

So today, I come to you not as an expert, but as a student. I’m not sharing with you things I learned a few years ago and have mastered. I’m sharing with you things God spoke into me this weekend that rocked my world and are challenging my heart.

The most important thing we can give our kids is TIME. 

Time is our most precious resource. It is precious because it doesn’t stop and we can’t get it back. Once it is gone it’s gone. I realized that truth this weekend as I looked at my almost seventeen year-old son, my fourteen year-old son and my ten year-old son and thought, “Where did time go?”

Here are four things God is teaching me about fatherhood, relationships and my relationship with my boys.

1. My kids need my time more than they need stuff.

I’ve often equated my success as a father by the stuff I can give my kids. The house we live in; the clothes they have; the activities or camps they’ve been involved with. I have seen providing as fathering. This weekend, one of the activities we did discussing one question, “What is one thing you need from me as your dad?” Not one of them said, “More stuff.” All three of them in their own way said, “More time with you.” I need to relearn what success looks like as a father.

2. My kids need my time more than they need to be time stamped.

My kids have their Instagram or Facebook picture face down. They know how to pose. They know how to stop arguing so we can show the world how much we love each other. My kids also know the difference between taking a picture to mark the moment and taking a picture to make a moment. One is authentic the other is fabricated. I’m not saying there is anything wrong with Instagraming or Facebooking pics of your kids. I did it several times this weekend. But I can often be more present online than I am in real life with my boys and that is what I want to be aware of and change.

3. I can teach crowds about Jesus from a stage but my kids learn about Him as I invest in their lives one on one. 

I speak and teach about Jesus for a living. My kids see me on a stage often talking about Jesus. But what they need most and what I want to do most for them is take the time one on one to share Jesus with them. I want them to see me live out my love for Jesus, not just speak about Him. That can only happen as I get off the stage and get eye to eye, face to face, knee to knee with my boys and invest in them.

4. Being together doesn’t equal time together. 

I’ve learned this principle over the past few months as Trish and I have been together a lot. We work from our home office together. We have traveled a lot together, but it doesn’t equal quality time together. The same is true with my kids. Time together is what they crave and I’ve often equated being together with investment. Sharing the same space at the same time doesn’t mean we are sharing our hearts with one another. I want to grow in this area.

Life is busy and hard and there is no instruction manual for parenting. You can read books and go to conferences and watch instructional videos, but nothing prepares you for the challenge of raising kids.

But what I am learning, almost seventeen years into this adventure is that nothing replaces time. It is the most precious, most desirable and most important thing you can give your kids.

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Always Room for Hope

Sometimes the best gifts we can give to others are words. Words are powerful. They can build us up or tear us down. Sometimes words can even bring healing like a gentle rain to a parched field.

Below is a video of one my (Trisha) dearest friends, Eve, interviewing her mom. Carolyn Annunziato has been battling cancer and is now at home with hospice. But don’t let the words cancer and hospice scare you. Even as her health has started to deteriorate, her passion for Jesus is stronger than ever.

Her words are honest and filled with more truth and I love than I know what to do with. Regardless if your soul is weary and dry or full and content I pray Carolyn’s words will leave you encouraged that no matter what life brings you there is always room for HOPE.

(Thank you Eve for this beautiful treasure)

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The 10-Year Marriage Contract

Last week, Emma Johnson mentioned me on Twitter and invited me into a conversation on a blog post she wrote about marriage. The title of the post intrigued me, so I clicked on the link: “A 10-year contract will save marriage“. The premise of the post is that “marriage” as we’ve known it is dead and that a new system needs to be created to help people feel more successful. You can read the entire post here.

I left a comment on her post, giving my opinion, but since then have thought about the concept quite a bit. Trish and I have discussed it a few times and I felt lead to offer some thoughts about why I think the concept of a marriage contract looks great on paper but will never give people the marriage they truly desire.

Just because marriages that commit to “till death do us part” fail doesn’t mean we should change the duration of marriage to make us feel more successful. We don’t do that in any other area of our life, so why would should we that with marriage?

If a car manufacturer had a car that continued to fail safety standards, not because they didn’t try to build a safe car, but because they had faulty parts, would we lower the safety standards so the car manufacture could feel better about themselves or would we demand better parts?

If a group of students weren’t able to pass a standardized test to move beyond the 8th grade, not because they didn’t work hard, but because they weren’t taught the proper information, would we lower the standards so they could pass or would we get them better teachers?

The problem isn’t with the institution of marriage.

The problem is that we are imperfect, fractured people and many of us got married thinking marriage would fix us.

We expected our marriage to be different. We expected our marriage to be happier. We expected it to be easier. But when it doesn’t end up being any of those things, somewhere around the 7-10 year mark we start thinking, “This isn’t what I signed up for. I’d be happier by myself or with someone else.”

The marriage we have isn’t the marriage we thought we’d have.

Rather than try to figure out how to have a life long marriage, signing a 10-year marriage contract feels like it would solve our problems.

I believe the answer to reviving marriage isn’t in reducing its commitment to 10 years, but rather getting back to the heart of the life-long promise it was intended to be.

Marriage was never meant to be a contractual agreement. It was designed to live and breathe in a covenant relationship. A covenant is different than a contract.

While a contract has an element of commitment attached to it, most contracts are conditional, temporary and breakable. The heart of a covenant is different. A covenant is based on the promise of those who enter it and their desire for it to be without conditions.

Marriage is supposed to be a daily renewed promise from one spouse to the other. Discontentment, entitlement and pride often get in the way of us renewing that promise. Without even realizing it we allow our marriage to become a commodity that we deserve something out of rather than a relationship we are trying to pour into.

The push back you might have as you read this is, “But you don’t know how bad my marriage is.” You’re right, I don’t. “But you don’t know how unwilling my spouse is to change.” You’re right, I don’t.

I do know that I lived for the first ten years of marriage in a contractual agreement, full of stipulations, conditions and out clauses. It was a distorted view of  marriage. We didn’t have the marriage we wanted until we moved from contract to covenant.

The change you desire for your marriage will never come through a contract. Transformation happens as we choose to unconditionally love the one to whom we promised our life.

Marriage is messy and hard and often painful. Not every marriage will make it.  But every marriage has the potential to be way more than a contractual agreement.

You can start over every 10 years with someone else. Or you can start over every day with the spouse you currently have and live in the freedom of a covenant relationship. 

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