David S. Atkinson's Blog, page 240

We Should Redefine Normcore As Dressing To Look Like Norm From “Cheers”

I’ve been hearing about something called “Normcore.” I don’t really know what it is, but from everything I’ve heard, I don’t want to know. Given that all indications suggest that this Normcore is something potentially unpleasant, I suggest we redefine the term. We can do that, right? If enough people use a word to mean something, it eventually will come to overwhelm the original meaning.  As such, let’s make Normcore mean dressing as Norm from Cheers:

I think this is actually a viable and sensible plan. When I first suggested it, someone offered dressing as Norm Macdonald as an alternative. However, I think Norm from Cheers is more of a “look” than Norm Macdonald. Plus, if we ever get sick of people doing costume homages to Norm from Cheers, we can just pretend that they’re aging white alcoholics. It works.

Frankly, this has to be better than what Normcore currently references.

Don’t Let This Happen If You Create A Really Cool Character

If you create a really cool character, please don’t let this happen:

I know money may be a big issue, if not for you then perhaps for someone else involved in the project of which your really cool character is a part. You might even not be the decision maker anymore. I know this. I know there is only so much control one can maintain, whether through copyright law, contract law, or what have you. I understand this…but still. Please don’t let this happen.

I think everyone else is probably already aware of this commercial. I think it was shown during the superbowl, but I don’t watch much tv…if any. I just came across it. However, that doesn’t change my point.

Just don’t let this happen. Please.

Frankly, if there is any good reason for letting this happen, it might be that the two sequels to The Matrix already did such damage to the original creation that putting Morpheus in a Kia commercial just doesn’t matter anymore. Presuming you didn’t do something to your creation like The Matrix sequels though, please don’t let something like this happen to any cool character you create.

A Reason Why We Can’t End Daylight Saving Time

Every time daylight saving time begins or ends, we spend a huge amount of time talking about it. Some of this is just reminders, as well as people trying to figure out whether clocks go forward or back for the respective beginning or end. However, there are also a lot of biannual calls to end daylight saving time.

After all, though there are those that insist the evidence suggests we save energy by following this practice, there seem to be at least as many who insist that the energy savings are bogus. Even among those who admit it might be possible that this odd practice saves energy in the long run, some insist that the confusion and disruption outweighs any possible savings.

To be honest, I haven’t evaluated one way or another. To be certain either way, I’d really need to look at the studies on both sides. However, I maintain that there is a very good reason why we can’t get rid of daylight saving time even if it doesn’t really save us any energy. Because of this additional reason, I haven’t looked into the arguments too heavily.

That reason is that I’ve burned the phrase: “Spring forward, fall back” permanently into my memory.

That’s right, I could forget my own name and I will still remember: “Spring forward, fall back.” I might not always remember what it means or how it is used, but I have found that there is nothing I can do to get this phrase out of my brain.

It’s going to be in there as long as my brain still functions in any way, shape, or form.

As such, and given how much effort everything else requires to maintain in memory, I just can’t go along with any proposition to end daylight savings time. Such would make the one thing I’ve managed to permanently remember totally useless. I can’t support that.

It might be a stupid reason, and it probably is. Regardless, please don’t render useless the one thing my brain has got thoroughly down. I can’t even remember my own phone number with the speed and effortlessness that I remember: “Spring forward, fall back.”

Presenting The First Of The Blurbs For “The Garden of Good and Evil Pancakes!”

We’re getting further and further along getting The Garden of Good and Evil Pancakes ready for publication this spring. I’m excited, and I wanted to share some of that excitement.

I’ve been getting some incredible blurbs from some amazing writers. I thought I’d share some of those, one at a time and in no particular order. Here is the first blurb for The Garden of Good and Evil Pancakes that I’d like to share with you:

David S. Atkinson grasps the “secret” of striking fiction (or should I say, nightmares?), he knows you’ve got “to find some place where the facts didn’t shout so loud,” and in this unnerving Garden (or should I say, inferno?), he’s found a place full of whispers (or should I say, moans?). These insidious pieces develop like an advent calendar on which the surface seems drab yet unsettled, the stuff of Raymond Carver, and yet behind each door hide the eyepopping, amoral fairyfolk of Henry Darger. Don’t wait till December to start.

–John Domini, author of The Sea-God’s Herb

I couldn’t be more proud. Just wait until I can put the book in your hands.

Why Does ‘Unsend’ Even Exist?

I really have to wonder, why does ‘unsend’ even exist? Granted, it would be a really useful function. I can’t count how many times I’ve sent an email, immediately realized there was something majorly or minorly wrong before the percipient gets it, and wanted to call it back. I’ve even tried to use the ‘unsend’ feature before. However, it’s never, never worked. Never.

Why? Because unsend only works before your email server actually transmits the message. Once the recipient server has it, it’s gone (unless both senders and receivers both have an Exchange server, which is apparently quite rare). Unsend can do nothing. If so, why have it? Your server has the message at most for a millisecond before it goes. The window for unsend is so tiny that the command might as well not be there.

I do see this as a useful function. I wish this would have been implemented such that the recipient server would let you delete an email you had sent but which had not yet been received by the recipient. This could actually give you a window, and could actually be useful.

Granted, I realize the potential for misuse in this. Email generally travels through many computers unprotected. If this worked this way, surely someone would figure out an exploit to delete unread messages from servers that he or she hadn’t actually sent. Still, perhaps there could be some kind of encrypted checksum or some such thing that secured who could order a delete? Seems like we could at least make this as secure as any of our computer systems really are, which is of course not perfect. And, people can always just figure out how to get into accounts and delete email normally if that’s what they’re really after.

I’m just saying, either implement the feature in this way or don’t bother at all. The current implementation just gives you hope for a moment that all is not lost…when it really is. You get to feel the hammer fall twice, first when you realize your mistake and then again when you realize that unsend can’t save you after all.

It Was Probably Good I Didn’t Go To AWP

I was sad that I wasn’t going to get to go to AWP 2014 up in Seattle, and I was sad as I watched everyone’s updates from there. However, looking back on it, it was probably better that I didn’t go.

What I mean is that while I was seeing all those statuses from AWP, I was struggling with a nasty sinus infection. If I’d made plans to go, I would have been getting really sick at the convention, right as things were getting started. I would not have had fun. Nor would I have been any fun. I was pretty sick right until the end. I’m still trying to throw off the after effects even now.

Further, I’m sure I was still contagious while the con was still going on. That means I would have been spreading a nasty sinus cold everywhere. There are so many people at that con, so many people I knew who I needed to see. My sinus cold could rapidly have brought down much of the writerly world.

So, maybe it’s good I stayed home this year…both for my sake and for everyone else’s.

I’ll be there next year, though. Hopefully I won’t be sick at the time.

Another Product I Like Flees Me

Well, there’s another product I use on almost a daily basis I can’t get anymore. This really gets aggravating, coming to use a product on an almost daily basis and then have it stop being sold in my area. This time, Lean Pockets Supreme Pizza:

I give Hot Pockets a lot of crap, but Lean Pockets aren’t so bad. I don’t care for most of them, but I do dig the Supreme Pizza. Because it’s supreme, there’s actually peppers and onions and such balancing out the meat and cheese, making for a pocket this isn’t quite as bad for you and tastes a lot better than the norm. Heck, the Supreme Pizza variety has some of the best nutritional content, better than the Three Cheese…and much better than the Pepperoni.

But, of course, though I’ve been getting these for years, I can’t get them in Denver anymore. I can’t find a place claiming to sell them in Denver, Boulder, Arvada, Aurora, Westminster, Broomfield, Fort Collins, Castle Rock, or anywhere else in the relatively nearby vicinity. They’re still selling them in Omaha, but I’m screwed in Colorado.

I despise how products I’ve come to rely on get pulled from an entire area. Apparently, I was the only one in the area getting these. Regardless, until my local stores start getting these again, I won’t apparently be eating many Hot/Lean Pockets.

Don’t Forget To Tune In To “The Unknown Show” With Bud Smith Tuesday March 11 At 7PM Eastern

Don’t forget, tune in to The Unknown Show with Bud Smith on Tuesday March 11th at 7PM Eastern. As a reminder, I’m going to be on the show talking about my novel in story form Bones Buried in the Dirt, perhaps my upcoming novel The Garden of Good and Evil Pancakes, and maybe some other things.

Alissa Nutting, author of Tampa and Unclean Jobs for Women and Girls, and Nathan Leslie, author of The Tall Tale Tommy Twice, will also be on the show talking about their projects.

Click this link to listen live, or enjoy it as an archive later, after the live stream is over. This will be a show full of stories, insider looks at the stories that shaped the stories and hopefully much more.

Thanks for your support. Pass it on.

It Sucks That No Place In Denver Serves Turducken

It really sucks that there is no place in Denver that serves turducken. Believe me, I’ve looked. I want to try this, and the only way it’s going to happen is if I find a place that serves it. It’s not exactly something you can buy cold and reheat, which would make it less than optimal anyway, and no place sells it anyway around here. I really doubt my wife would make it, even if she could since it requires quite a bit of skill, and it would be way too much for two people anyway.

As you might remember, turducken is a deboned chicken stuffed inside of a deboned duck stuffed inside of a deboned turkey. The portmanteau creation is then cooked that way:

But, it’s obviously an obscene dish, in extravagance, cost, and complexity. Still, I want to try it.

However, my wife ain’t making it. If I want to try it, I have to find somewhere that serves it. No luck so far. Not on the turducken, and not on the piecaken either:

“The Garden of Good and Evil Pancakes” Now Has A Cover!

To celebrate National Pancake Day yesterday, EAB Publishing released the cover for my upcoming book The Garden of Good and Evil Pancakes. Take a look: