David S. Atkinson's Blog, page 243

Shia LaBeouf Was Actually Doing A Thomas Pynchon/Simpsons Homage

Did you hear people talking about Shia LaBeouf storming out of a press conference while promoting Nymphomaniac with a paper bag on his head that read: I am not famous anymore? No one seems to have thought of this yet, but Mr. LaBeouf was obviously doing an homage to Thomas Pynchon and/or The Simpsons.

Think about it. Here is an image of the current incident being talked about:

and here is an image of how Thomas Pynchon is typically depicted on The Simpsons:

Due to Pynchon’s reclusive habits, he is stylistically depicted on The Simpsons with a bag on his head that bears a question mark.

I think the similarities here are clear and obviously Mr. LaBeouf was doing an homage. Whether the homage was to Pynchon, The Simpsons, or both remains unclear. Regardless, I think we can all agree that it seems a little nutters.

The “What Random Object Are You?” Quiz!

There are so many quizzes going around right now that supposedly figure out which of your favorite show characters/cities/decades/whatever you are. Obviously these are highly meaningful and don’t just assign you based on some minor surface personality traits. Also, it’s obvious that these characters/cities/decades/whatever are archetypes or elemental forms such that this is important. As such, here is the “What random object are you?” quiz!

Ready?

1. Yes or no?

2. How many jobs have you been fired from since 1972?

3. If the nature of humanity is finite and the nature of the universe is finite, would anybody like any toast?

4. If Johnny has five apples and Davey has four apples, why don’t they just shut up and eat? (Courage the Cowardly Dog)

5. Yes or no: Have you stopped beating your children?

Okay, now the scoring. First, give yourself a point for every question you answered. Then, give yourself a point for every question you answered “A” despite the fact that none of these questions were multiple choice. Then give yourself as many points as you want because the results aren’t based on points anyway. Finally, pick a number between 1 and 5 and see what random object below corresponds to that number.

1. Tongs: you can pick up stuff.

2. A rock: a big *ss rock, though maybe more like a cinder block.

3. A blender: there is deep cosmic significance in this, but nobody knows what it is.

4. A spoon once used by Sylvester Stalone to crack open a minute egg for breakfast one morning in Atlantic City: despite the specificity of this, you’re still just a spoon. One spoon is pretty much like any other.

5. A cigar: sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. Hope that this is one of those times.

You now have your result. Be sure to define your life by this and share your result with everyone as if this quiz, or any of the others, have any legitimacy or significance in your life.

I’m Not As Sad About Jay Leno Stepping Down As I Could Be

I’m not as sad about Jay Leno stepping down from The Tonight Show as I could be. It is kind of the end of an era, and I do feel bad for the guy if he got forced out because they wanted somebody younger as it’s been said, but still. I just don’t feel as sad as I might have.

Sure, there’s some sadness because he’s being replaced by Jimmy Fallon. Fallon’s all right, but I’ve never really taken to him. Still, end of an era, any possible force involved, end of an era, all that. I still only feel too bad.

For one thing, I never completely took to Leno as a replacement for Johnny Carson. I actually used to watch Carson back in the day, and I never really took to Leno. Carson retired, though, so what can you do? I liked Leno all right. I watched a few episodes, but not much. I was never that big a fan of The Tonight Show anyway, more the monologue and comedy bits.

Still, beyond only being so fond of Leno to begin with, the Conan O’Brien thing really soured me on the whole deal. Leno’s fault or not, it did. I never thought Conan O’Brien was right for The Tonight Show anyway, but I dig Conan and how the whole deal was handled bugged me. It just kind of soured most of the sadness I might have felt for Leno.

Anyway, sorry to see you go, Leno…but I’m just not as sorry as I could have been. You had a good run and you couldn’t possibly care what I think anyway.

German Doctors: We Believe You That You Didn’t Need “House” To Diagnose Your Patient

Apparently, some German doctors managed to diagnose a patient when the presented symptoms resembled an episode of House they remembered watching. As the article reports, fragments of the patient’s previous ceramic artificial hip damaged the patient’s new metal artificial hip and caused cobalt poisoning…just like on House.

However, the doctors insisted that they hadn’t needed House in order to make the diagnosis. One of the doctors, Juergen Schaefer, insisted that they could have just Googled the symptoms and come to the same diagnosis.

Sure.

Don’t worry, German doctors. We believe you. You didn’t need House in order to diagnose your patient.

However, perhaps we should make more medical professionals watch old episodes of House. Just in case.

Everybody Point And Say “Ha-Ha!”

A group of thieves in Denver just got caught because they tried to sell the stolen stuff to the very woman they stole it from. Everybody point and say “Ha-Ha!”

Seriously, check out this article. These guys busted into Lacinda Robinson’s house and took her son’s birthday and Christmas presents. She called the cops, but that wasn’t as effective as going to McDonalds on Colfax in Denver.

While at McDonalds, two guys asked her if she wanted to buy a PS3. Coincidentally, that was one of the items that had been stolen. However, that wasn’t as telling as the fact that one of the guys was wearing Lucinda’s jacket. She went to a gas station next door and found some off duty cops.

The thieves were then arrested. I think this deserves a “Ha-Ha!”

Two Weeks Without Voodoo Doughnuts

Well, I might have finally got a handle on myself. It’s been two weeks since I’ve had a VooDoo Doughnut. It’s not like there haven’t been a few close calls, but I think I’m finally getting this addiction under control.

It’s not like I don’t intend to eat VooDoo Doughnuts anymore, but this was becoming quite a problem. I just needed to not go there as often as I had been.

After all, I think my wife and I have been there well over ten times since their soft opening in mid December or whenever it was. We were getting there pretty frequently. The frequency is what was the problem.

However, it’s been two weeks without any. That’s the longest I’ve gone since the initial soft opening. I think a celebration is in order. Perhaps this calls for a VooDoo Doughnut.

Here’s MY Facebook Movie

Everyone has been posting links on Facebook in the past couple of days to their Facebook movie. I don’t know what this is, because I haven’t clicked on a one of them. Nor have I clicked on the link to get my own. I don’t know what it is, but I’m sure I don’t want in.

I’m sure this is just something Facebook did as a hopefully fun quirk, throwing images of members and/or maybe a few other random things from their wall or suck set to some freely usable music. If so, I’m sure I don’t want it…either to watch or to create my own. I don’t know what music they’d use, but I’m sure I won’t like it.

Anyway, here’s MY Facebook movie:

Click here to get your own.

Media Skeptical About Castaway: Jose Salvador Alvarenga

The media apparently is skeptical about the story of Jose Salvador Alvarenga, a castaway who states that he’s been lost at sea for 13 months. It’s not like they are exactly alleging that he is lying or anything, just that they are questioning how he could have survived what he states happened.

Here are just some things that the authorities question:

- How did he manage to not get eaten by the tiger?

- Was there really a carnivorous island plant creature?

- Do bananas float?

- Exactly what caused the Tsimtsum to sink?

- What kind of parents name their kid after a swimming pool?

Time will tell whether or not the authorities are able to verify Jose Salvador Alvarenga’s story. However, regardless of any of that, perhaps we should be asking: Which is the better story?

Charles Dickens Regrets Charles Darnay/Lucie Manette Relationship

Recently, J.K. Rowling announced that she regretted the Ron/Hermoine relationship in the Harry Potter series. No doubt this will spur other major authors to come forward with regrets about their own character pairings. Indeed, one has just surfaced. Charles Dickens.

“Man,” Dickens apparently commented, “I don’t know what I was thinking with that Charles Darnay/Lucie Manette thing in A Tale of Two Cities. I totally should have had Lucie end up with Sydney Carton. I just put her with Darnay because I could wring a good moment out of it, but she really belonged with Carton.”

Asked why he would re-decide after all this time, Dickens apparently commented: “Hey, I can do it if Rowling can do it. Why let her and not me? By the way…I always thought of Jarvis Lorry as gay. I didn’t want to face criticism by actually mentioning that in the book, but I always thought of him that way. Just wanted you all to know that now.”

When it was pointed out that one reason Rowling could do these things and he couldn’t was the fact that Dickens has been dead since 1870, he reportedly stated: “Screw you guys…I do what I want.”

I Don’t Care About Twinkies Anymore

When I heard Hostess was going to go away, I found myself caring. No more twinkies. This was odd, because I didn’t really care that much about them before. I wondered if I only cared because they were closing.

After all, I ate Hostess products once in a while. Maybe a couple of times a year. However, I didn’t really think they were that great. I could take them or leave them.

However, when they were going to be gone…then I cared. Me, and much of the country, freaked out. We all ran out to get some of the last Hostess before they were gone. Then, when we heard that someone bought at least part of the brand and was relaunching, we rejoiced.

I’ve bought Hostess exactly once since the brand relaunched.

Yup, I only cared about the end of the Hostess era. Now that they’re available again, I don’t care anymore. I hope for the sake of the purchasing company that the rest of the country isn’t as much of a fickle fan as me. Otherwise, they’ll be in trouble.