David S. Atkinson's Blog, page 239
March 24, 2014
“Ralph Snart” Lied To Me
Ralph Snart lied to me when I was younger. It lied to me about one thing in particular: lizards. Well, maybe lied is too strong a word. At the very least, I definitely felt misled.
There was a character in the comic called Mr. Lizard. He was a talking, hominid lizard with a tendency to drink and spout profanity. I believe he once stated: “Drink up, Ralph. Your sobriety annoys me.” I loved Mr. Lizard when I was an adolescent. I’m even fond of him now.
Mr. Lizard didn’t technically exist in the comic. He was part of Ralph’s rich imaginary world (I think, it got confusing at times). Supposedly, his origins were as a normal lizard purchased from a pet shop. However, Ralph happened to go get crickets for him at an abandoned nuclear facility. When the lizard ate the radioactive crickets, he morphed into the drunken, profanity spouting Mr. Lizard. Ralph’s parents managed to then flush Mr. Lizard down the toilet while Ralph was at school and he somehow rejoined Ralph’s life later.
Regardless, I wanted a chameleon at one point. I ended up with green anoles, also known as an American chameleon. They seemed like kind of an imitation compared to the chameleons I’d been thinking of, but they were still sort of cool. The best part was that they looked like Ralph’s lizard before the change.
Of course, I decided I was going to have fun going out like Ralph and getting them crickets. I didn’t have an abandoned nuclear facility nearby, so I just used a local park. However, my green anoles wouldn’t eat the crickets.
I think it had something to do with the relative sizes between the crickets and the green anoles. Green anoles are pretty small, and most of the crickets I found were pretty big. Regardless, the green anoles just ignored the crickets, letting them wander around the aquarium undisturbed until I got sick of it and took them out. They only ate mealworms, which were horrifically disgusting and traumatizing to have to pick up (live) to give to the green anoles.
As you can imagine, I was displeased.
I blame Ralph Snart. Why not, right? There was no radioactive mutation into a drunken, foul-mouthed buddy who’d get me into troublesome unnecessary situations. I couldn’t even pretend. Damn that Ralph Snart.
March 23, 2014
Have You Checked Out “Midnight Circus: Rejected Dreams” Yet?
Hey, have you checked out the new issue of Midnight Circus (volume 3, Midnight Circus: Rejected Dreams) yet? If not, maybe you should consider it. You can get it over here at Amazon for $5 (currently on sale for $4.57).
Most importantly from my self-serving perspective, my story “Pancakes Ain’t the Boss of Me” is in it. It almost sounds like it has something to do with my soon to be released novel, The Garden of Good and Evil Pancakes. It doesn’t, but it almost sounds like it does (and I’m sure the fact that we were getting the novel ready for publication influenced the subject of the story a bit, at least in a general ‘pancake’ direction).
Regardless, you should check out the issue. There’s some good stuff in there and I’m proud to have my work appear in the issue.
Now I want pancakes.
March 22, 2014
A “Game of Thrones” Themed Wedding Might Be A Little Inappropriate
My wife was watching a theme wedding show over on the Syfy channel the other night and someone was doing a Game of Thrones themed wedding (actually Game of Thrones combined with Lord of the Rings, but we’ll ignore that). Personally, given that the main Game of Thrones wedding association is the “Red Wedding” episode, this just seemed a bad way to start a marriage. At least, one should prevent anyone from coming dressed as a Lannister.
Regardless, a Game of Thrones themed wedding just seemed wrong to me. Here are some other themed events that seem equally as inappropriate:
- A Titanic themed ship launch
- A The Towering Inferno themed high rise warming party
- A The Lost Weekend themed cocktail hour
- A Rosemary’s Baby themed bris
- A The War of the Roses themed wedding vow renewal ceremony
The mind can easily come up with others. It kind of naturally does so…or maybe my sense of humor is just warped. Regardless, a Game of Thrones themed wedding just makes me nervous.
March 21, 2014
Curious What I’ve Been Reading Lately?
Are you curious what I’ve been reading lately? I don’t know why you necessarily would be, but I realized that I wouldn’t have to write an actual post for today if I shared what I’ve been reading in the last month.
Anyway, here we go:
The Empathy Exams: Essays Leslie Jamison 3/18/2014
The Meaning of Names Karen Shoemaker 3/17/2014
French Lessons: Adventures with Knife, Fork, and Corkscrew Peter Mayle 3/16/2014
If I had Wings these Windmills would be Dead Chuck Howe 3/16/2014
The Full Cupboard of Life Alexander McCall Smith 3/14/2014
Too Heavy to Carry Cat Dixon 3/13/2014
Hornblower During the Crisis C.S. Forester 3/13/2014
Atmospheres Jon Konrath 3/13/2014
Tony Hogan Bought Me an Ice-Cream Float Before He Stole My Ma Kerry Hudson 3/12/2014
Twilight of the Wolves Edward J. Rathke 3/12/2014
The Book of Dave Will Self 3/11/2014
Black Cloud Juliet Escoria 3/7/2014
The Tall Tale of Tommy Twice Nathan Leslie 3/7/2014
A Year in Provence Peter Mayle 3/4/2014
The Kalahari Typing School for Men Alexander McCall Smith 3/1/2014
Difficult Loves Italo Calvino 2/28/2014
Strip Tease Carl Hiaasen 2/27/2014
Deathless Catherynne M. Valente 2/26/2014
Saving Fish From Drowning Amy Tan 2/25/2014
Air in the Paragraph Line #13 2/20/2014
March 20, 2014
All My Book Reviews
It seemed to me like I’ve done quite a few book reviews. I don’t mean the little ones on Goodreads or Amazon, but more full length reviews. I’m not a professional reviewer or anything, but I like to think that I do a good job.
Anyway, I decided to look back recently and, presuming that my math is correct (which is always suspect), I’ve apparently done 75 of them. That’s not even counting the five or so I’ve still got in the queue at various places.
Here’s a list (note: Some links may no longer be operational. Some sites moved things around and I haven’t looked back through this entire list to see if anything needed to be updated):
My review of Tollbooth by Bud Smith, published March 11, 2014 on [PANK]’s blog.
My review of Don’t Start Me Talkin’ by Tom Williams, published February 10, 2014 on InDigest‘s blog.
My review of Diptychs + Triptychs + Lipsticks + Dipshits by Robert Vaughan, published January 24, 2014 on HTMLGIANT.
My review of The Hunger Angel by Herta Müller, published January 20, 2014 on The Lit Pub.
My review of Orphans by Ben Tanzer, published January 8, 2014 on Sundog Lit‘s blog.
My review of Nick Antosca’s The Hangman’s Ritual, published December 8, 2013, on Sundog Lit‘s blog.
My review of Hill William by Scott McClanahan, published December 4, 2013, at The Lit Pub.
My review of Spencer Dew’s Here is How it Happens, published in the Volume 34, Number 6 (September/October 2013) print issue of American Book Review (accessible online here).
My review of The Natural Dissolution of Fleeting-Improvised-Men by Gabriel Blackwell, published November 13, 2013, on InDigest‘s blog.
My review of The Laughter of Strangers by Michael Seidlinger, published October 28, 2013, at The Coffin Factory.
My review of The Aversive Clause by B.C. Edwards, published October 22, 2013, on [PANK]’s blog.
My review of Thunderbird by Jon Konrath, published October 7, 2013, on The Lit Pub.
My review of Red Moon by Benjamin Percy, published July 29, 2013, on The Lit Pub.
My review of Parnucklian for Chocolate by B.H. James, published June 26, 2013, on The Lit Pub.
My review of Rontel by Sam Pink, published June 3, 2013, on Sundog Lit.
My review of Escaping Heaven by Cliff Hicks, published June 1, 2013, on The Lit Pub.
My review of Jen Michalski’s Could You Be With Her Now, published May 15, 2013, on The Lit Pub.
My review of Timothy Stobierski’s Chronicles of a Bee Whisperer, published April 26, 2013, on The Lit Pub.
My review of Ben Tanzer’s You Can Make Him Like You, published March 26, 2013, on InDigest‘s blog.
My review of Michael Stutz’s Circuits of the Wind, published March 18, 2013, on InDigest‘s blog.
My review of Tim Horvath’s Understories, published March 13, 2013, on InDigest‘s blog.
My review of jimmy lagowski saves the world by Pat Pujolas, published February 28, 2013, on Pank’s blog.
My review of John L. Sheppard’s Alpha Mike Foxtrot, published February 22, 2013, on InDigest‘s blog.
My review of Michael J Seidlinger’s My Pet Serial Killer, published February 18, 2013, on The Lit Pub.
My review of Colson Whitehead’s Zone One, published February 3, 2013, on InDigest‘s blog.
My review of Milan Kundera’s The Farewell Party (or, The Farewell Waltz), published January 7, 2013, on The Lit Pub.
My review of Shani Boianjiu’s The People of Forever Are Not Afraid, published January 3, 2013, on InDigest‘s blog.
My review of Molly Ringwald’s novel in story form When It Happens To You, published in the Winter 2013 issue of Gently Read Literature. (Note, GRL is now subscription only so if you want to read my review I suppose you should consider getting a subscription.)
My review of Jeff Gardiner’s A Glimpse of the Numinous, published December 18, 2012, Pank’s blog.
My review of Last Call in the City of Bridges by Salvatore Pane, published November 8, 2012, on Pank’s blog.
My review of I Am a Magical Teenage Princess by Luke Geddes, published October 11, 2012, on Pank’s blog.
My review of Paul Auster’s Winter Journal, published October 3, 2012, on InDigest‘s blog.
My review of Denis Johnson’s Resuscitation Of A Hanged Man, published September 27, 2012, on InDigest‘s blog.
My review of Elizabeth Crane’s We Only Know So Much, published September 3, 2012, on The Rumpus.
My review of Alta Ifland’s Death-in-a-Box and my review of Michael Seidlinger’s In Great Company, published August 30, 2012, in the Summer 2012 issue of Gently Read Literature.
My review of Good Intentions by Jeff Lacey, published August 30, 2012, in All Things Pankish (Pank’s blog).
My review of AE Stueve’s The ABCs of Dinkology, published August 27, 2012, on InDigest‘s blog.
My review of Me, Who Dove into the Heart of the World by Sabina Berman, published August 7, 2012, on InDigest‘s blog.
My review of The Free World by David Bezmozgis, published August 1, 2012, on InDigest‘s blog.
My short review of Greg Hill’s East of Denver, published July 12, 2012, on InDigest‘s blog.
My review of VII by Kyle Muntz, published July 11, 2012, on The Lit Pub.
My review of Three Ways of the Saw by Matt Mullins, published June 22, 2012, in All Things Pankish (Pank’s blog).
My review of The Names of Things by John Colman Wood, published June 8, 2012, on The Lit Pub.
My review of Donald Antrim’s Elect Mr. Robinson for a Better World, published June 6, 2012, on InDigest‘s blog.
My review of The Terrible Privacy of Maxwell Sim by Jonathan Coe, published May 31, 2012, on InDigest‘s blog.
My review of The Land of Decoration by Grace McCleen, published May 22, 2012, on InDigest‘s blog.
My review of The Sky Conducting by Michael Seidlinger, published May 9, 2012, on InDigest‘s blog.
My review of A Hollow Cube is a Lonely Space by S.D. Foster, published May 8, 2012, in All Things Pankish (Pank’s blog).
My review of Cataclysm Baby by Matt Bell, published March 25, 2012, on InDigest‘s blog.
My review of God’s Autobio by Rolli, published April 12, 2012, in All Things Pankish (Pank’s blog).
My review of Cataclysm Baby by Matt Bell, published March 25, 2012, on InDigest‘s blog.
My review of Shenanigans! by Joseph Michael Owens, published March 23, 2012, in All Things Pankish (Pank’s blog).
My review of Threats by Amelia Gray, published March 16, 2012, on InDigest‘s blog.
My review of Hot Pink by Adam Levin, published March 13, 2012, on InDigest‘s blog.
My review of The Mimic’s Own Voice by Tom Williams, published March 6, 2012, in All Things Pankish (Pank’s blog).
My review of Gathered Here Together by Garrett Socol, published February 3, 2012, in All Things Pankish (Pank’s blog).
My review of Richard Duggin’s Why Won’t You Talk To Me, published in the February 2012 issue of Gently Read Literature.
My contribution to the “Books We Can’t Quit” feature on Pank’s blog, discussing Andrew Wellman’s S.F.W., published January 10, 2012.
My review of Smut by Alan Bennett, published January 6, 2012 on InDigest‘s blog.
My review of Bearded Women by Teresa Milbrodt, published December 7, 2011, in All Things Pankish (Pank’s blog).
My review of D. Harlan Wilson’s They Had Goat Heads published in the December 2011 issue of Gently Read Literature.
My review of A Shiny, Unused Heart by J.A. Tyler, published November 8, 2011, in All Things Pankish (Pank’s blog).
My review of C by Tom McCarthy, published October 26, 2011 on InDigest‘s blog.
My review of Boundaries by Elizabeth Nunez, published October 18, 2011 in All Things Pankish (Pank’s blog).
My review of The Gambler’s Nephew by Jack Matthews, published October 4, 2011 in All Things Pankish (Pank’s blog).
My review of Luminarium by Alex Shakar, published August 23, 2011 in The Rumpus.
My review of The Mutation of Fortune by Erica Adams, published August 23, 2011 in All Things Pankish (Pank’s blog).
My review of Brent Spencer’s Rattlesnake Daddy, published in the August 2011 issue of Gently Read Literature.
My review of Chris Boucher’s How to Keep Your Volkswagen Alive, published July 19, 2011 in All Things Pankish (Pank’s blog).
My review of Sarah McKinstry-Brown’s Cradling Monsoons, published in the May 2011 issue of Gently Read Literature.
My review of Amelia Gray’s Museum of the Weird, published in the April 2011 issue of Gently Read Literature.
My review of Lidia Yuknavitch’s The Chronology of Water, published March 15, 2011 on The Rumpus.
My review of William Trowbridge’s Ship of Fool, published in the March 2011 issue of Gently Read Literature.
My review of Tim Black’s Connecticut Shade, published in the September 2010 issue of Gently Read Literature.
My review of Matthew Aaron Goodman’s Hold Love Strong, published in March 2010 issue of Gently Read Literature.
March 19, 2014
My TV Episode Idea
I had this great idea for a TV episode. I think it could really work. You’ll have to let me know what you think.
You see, there’s this gremlin on a plane. He keeps seeing William Shatner out on the wing trying to shoot the plane with a revolver. He keeps trying to warn people, but everyone just acts like the gremlin isn’t there in the plane.
Finally, the gremlin can’t take any more. He rips off one of the plane’s engines and tosses it out at William Shatner. As a result, Shatner falls from the wing and is prevented from shooting the plane. Of course, the plane has to land.
When the plane lands, the people see all the bullet holes in the plane. They realize William Shatner was really out on the plane shooting. However, since gremlins don’t exist, they all commit each other to mental hospitals. The gremlin goes on to become a crappy yet somewhat popular car in the 70s.
So…what do you guys think? Might The Twilight Zone be interested in this one? I don’t think it’s been done before.
March 18, 2014
Presenting The Second Of The Blurbs For “The Garden of Good and Evil Pancakes!”
As I mentioned before, as we’re getting closer to publication of The Garden of Good and Evil Pancakes I wanted to share some of incredible blurbs I’ve been getting. It’s just been so cool to have writers I look up to and admire say cool things about the book. I have to share.
As such, here is the second blurb for The Garden of Good and Evil Pancakes that I’d like to share with you:
The Garden of Good and Evil Pancakes is a modern-day Waiting for Godot set in a diner, only with more engaging dialogue and fully-realized characters. At times Atkinson will have you asking what you want for dinner. But by the end, you’ll be asking what you want for (and from) life. A brilliant achievement of existentialism without the pretension.
–Nathaniel Tower, author of Nagging Wives, Foolish Husbands and Managing Editor of Bartleby Snopes Literary Magazine and Press
I can’t decide whether to blush or grin. Maybe I’ll do both.
March 17, 2014
Can We Trust Wayne Knight That He’s Not Dead?
There was apparently a rumor running around that Wayne Knight (Newman on Seinfeld) was dead. According to rumors, he died in a car accident. However, Knight later tweeted that he wasn’t dead. Personally, I don’t know if we should believe him.
After all, Mark Twain once purportedly said ‘The report of my death was an exaggeration.’ However, I have it on great authority that Mark Twain died April 21, 1910. As such, I think Mr. Twain is a little suspect in his quote. Pretty sure he’s dead.
Perhaps we shouldn’t trust ‘Newman’ any more than we trust Twain. Perhaps he isn’t the greatest authority for whether or not he’s alive. Maybe he is, but maybe he isn’t.
I’m just saying, we might want to reserve judgment until we check into things a bit more. Wayne Knight could always be a liar.
March 16, 2014
Sometimes I Feel Left Out Because I Don’t Watch The Big Shows
Sometimes I feel left out because I hear everybody talking about whatever show happens to be the big thing at that particular time. I don’t watch Game of Thrones, True Blood, True Detective, or whatever it happens to be at the given moment. People seem to practially devote their lives to these things, and I almost never know what the heck they’re talking about. How could I not feel left out.
However, make no mistake that I’m considering actually watching the respective show when I feel this way.
For one thing, some of these shows are ones that I definitely wouldn’t like. True Blood, from what I understand, involves vampires. I am utterly sick of vampires. Ain’t gonna watch it.
Beyond that, and some of the shows are likely very good, I immediately think how much time any of these shows would require. No matter which show it is, we’re talking about a huge block of time. I already somewhat pick my clothes in the morning at random because I’m unwilling to devote enough time to put real thought into it. Where the heck would I get enough time to watch a totally new TV show?
No, I occasionally feel left out, but that’s where I’m going to stay. I may be missing out, but I’ll be missing out on something else if I tune in. At this point, everything is a tradeoff. Everything has a cost.
March 15, 2014
I Really Hope You Knew The Hoverboard Thing Was Fake
I heard a number of people talking recently about the supposed hoverboard demonstration, talking almost as if they thought we’d really figured this out and made a commercially viable product. I hope you knew this was fake, because it is.
I know we all want hoverboards. Well, at least most of us. I know we all wanted this to be real, and I think we all knew it wasn’t.
After all, the sort of tech that would be required wouldn’t just make a jump like that. There would be other things that came first, preliminary products or developments. Things wouldn’t just jump straight to hoverboards. We’d have all kinds of other things first long before hoverboards were perfected, presuming they even ever could be.
I don’t think most people I saw talking about this were fooled. Most of them were saying: “I wonder if this is fake,” but in a way that suggested they knew it really was and just hoped otherwise.
We knew. At least, I hope we knew. We just wanted to believe otherwise.
