David S. Atkinson's Blog, page 236

Crossing “Coming to America” With “The Matrix”

I had an odd thought today. I thought of a way to cross Coming to America with The Matrix. I call it Coming to the Matrix.

Take a look:

Neo goes into a restaurant. You listenin’? Neo goes into a restaurant, and he sits down, he’s having a bowl of soup and he says to the waiter: “Waiter come taste the soup.” Waiter says: “Is something wrong with the soup?” Neo says: “Taste the soup.” Waiter says: “Is there something wrong with the soup? Is the soup too hot?” Neo says: “Will you taste the soup?” Waiter: “What’s wrong, is the soup too cold?” Neo: “Will you just taste the soup?!” Waiter: “Allright, I’ll taste the soup – where’s the spoon??” Neo: “Aha. Aha!”

Whadaya know from funny, you bastards?”

Half Hiding From The Blog Chain

There’s a blog chain going around right now where writers share details about their writing process. Part of this involves tagging other writers who are then supposed to be carrying on the chain. I’ve seen multiple people sending out general queries for people who haven’t done it yet so they can find people to tag. As of yet, I haven’t spoken up.

I haven’t done it, but I resist sticking my neck out there. I suppose I wouldn’t mind doing it…but volunteering just seems like going out to ask for extra work. Maybe I’d be happy if I did, but asking for extra work seems contrary to living an easy life.

After all, no one has asked me directly whether or not I’ve participated. I wouldn’t lie if I did. All I’ve seen are general posts, though, and I’ve scrolled on by.

I suppose I’m hiding from the extra work in a sense, and hiding from having to find yet more people who haven’t done it. Although, posting this goes against such hiding. If anyone who is looking sees this, I’ll probably become a target.

I never claimed to be very bright.

Inappropriate Things To Say About Boy Stuck In Claw Machine

I’m sure someone has told you about this already, but some three year old in Lincoln, Nebraska got away from his mother, wandered into a bowling alley, and climbed inside one of those toy claw machines. Granted, I didn’t have to be concerned because I knew the kid was all right already when I first heard…but I was a little shocked at the thoughts I had when I heard about this. None were appropriate.

My first thought was, jokingly, How many quarters did it take them to get the kid out?

I also thought of many inappropriate things I could have said to people if I’d been standing next to the claw machine and noticed them see the kid inside. Here are a few:

- “They just put kids like that in there to con people into playing. There’s no way that claw is strong enough to grab him.”

- “Man, I thought the process for adoption was supposed to be difficult.”

- “Don’t go for it. You know he’s just one of those cheap knock-offs.”

- “This place really skimped on their daycare center.”

- “Mattel is really making lifelike dolls these days.”

See what I mean? It’s not like I’m a monster; I already knew the kid was okay. Still, none of these are really nice.

Have You Checked Out Lit Demon Yet?

Have you checked out Lit Demon yet? If not, and you’re a writer, you probably should. It’s a new online writers’ resource and workshop hub. They’re even going to be doing live online readings soon. All kinds of stuff.

Just browsing the site, I see a Vonnegut workshop, a fabulism workshop, and a bizarro workshop. So far, I see Bradley Sands, Chuck Augello, and Tantra Bensko have signed up as instructors. There’s also other stuff such as proofreading, editing, book design, and so on.

Looks like things are just getting started over there, so I’m sure more will be coming in time. It’s definitely worth checking out.

I Feel Strangely Comforted By Switching Back To Mr. Coffee

I sometimes find it odd the things that end up comforting me. Sometimes they make sense, and sometimes they do not. My coffee machine, made by some manufacturer I cannot remember and may never have heard of before, broke. I replaced it with a cheap Mr. Coffee one. Strangely, this comforted me.

Now, I don’t mean that I was comforted that I now had a working coffee machine, though there is that. I mean that I was comforted by the fact that my coffee machine was again a Mr. Coffee. That was the strange part.

I’ve had Mr. Coffee coffee machines before. I’ve had other brands as well. I always get a simple 12-cup, on/off as the only control, round filter machines, so it’s not like features matter. I’ve never even noticed a quality difference. Still, there is something oddly comforting about again having a Mr. Coffee, even over other brand names that I do recognize.

What is so comforting about this? Honestly, I have no idea. It’s like an old friend…and old friend that I don’t know at all and have never spoken to, one I couldn’t accurately describe if asked. The reason is a mystery, but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s true.

Regardless, I’m comforted.

Also, I went for stylish black this time instead of institutional white so when I don’t clean it regularly it doesn’t look quite so gross. Win on that as well.

“The Garden Of Good And Evil Pancakes” Is Now On Sale!!!!

It’s published! The Garden of Good and Evil Pancakes is now published an on sale!

Get your copy here at amazon!!!!

Book trailer for “The Garden of Good and Evil Pancakes!”

The Garden of Good and Evil Pancakes is almost, but not quite, ready to drop. Soon, very soon. Until then, why not check out the book trailer AE Stueve put together for the book?

I just got to see it for myself for the first time, and I’m thrilled. I’m sure you’ll enjoy it too.

Thanks, AE Stueve!

Dangerous Analogies

I was recently in an office building that has electronic screens where news and other such items are displayed. One thing that the screens display is management tips culled from various people. I think it’s pulled from various twitter feeds that have been labelled with some kind of management tip hashtag. Regardless whether that is accurate or not, one caught my eye. I’m paraphrasing, but it basically stated that a good manager remembers the little people because they are the stepping ones one treads in order to reach success.

This seems like a dangerous analogy to me.

Now, there is a chance that this analogy was deliberately calculated to be humorous. There is also a chance that sufficient thought didn’t go into how this sounds. Sure, it’s accurate. Without the contribution of employees managers would sink, possibly even drown. However, it may also be a little too accurate.

After all, do you want to put forth that you think of employees as utilitarian objects? Do you want to put forth the impression you consider them items to step on? Success? Why, I reached that by stomping on the backs of employees!

I’m just saying, it may not be the best image to convey. Employees as stepping stones seems a little bit insensitive, regardless how accurate it may be.

Upcoming Reading for “The Garden Of Good and Evil Pancakes”

Good news! If you’ll be in the Omaha area on Saturday April 26th you can come out and hear me read from The Garden of Good and Evil Pancakes at the 2014 Nebraska Book Festival!

The tentative schedule so far has me reading in the 1:15-2:00 p.m. block in Bootstrapper Hall over at the Thompson Center at UNO, so come on out. I believe I’ll be going on just after John Price reads from Daddy Long Legs: The Natural Education of a Father.

I’m thrilled that my publisher was able to get this set up for me. I’m a little terrified, but still looking forward to it.

Another Response To Throwback Thursday

People still seem to be big on the whole Throwback Thursday thing. You know, Thursday is supposed to be the day you post really old pictures of yourself so everyone can feel nostalgic and/or laugh at you. It’s not Thursday today, but I was thinking about it.

Personally, I don’t really go for this. I even find the concept a little bit annoying. It’s cool if other people want to do this, but I do end up seeing a lot of these posts.

I’ve poked a little fun at the whole tbt thing before…and I’m going to do it again. As such, here’s a throwback to me a hundred years ago: