Alan Fadling's Blog, page 38

How True Abundance Happens

For you, God, tested us; 


      you refined us like silver.

You brought us into prison 


      and laid burdens on our backs.

You let people ride over our heads; 


      we went through fire and water, 


      but you brought us to a place of abundance. (Psalm 66:10-12 NIV) 


 

If it weren’t for that last line, this would be a pretty dismal passage. Being tested and put through the flames like silver being refined. Being imprisoned and burdened. Feeling as threatened as Israel did when the Egyptian army chased them down at the Red Sea. How could such situations ever lead to a place of abundance? The answer is more than just Israel’s final destination in the promised land. Their wilderness journey was a place of preparation for abundance.

 

This sounds much like the spiritual counsel James offers in his New Testament letter, which begins with the words “consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters” (James 1:2). If I’m reading this letter for the first time, I can’t wait for the pure joy James has to offer me. Will it be spiritual blessings? Great comfort? Encouragement of heart? A new opportunity? What is this pure joy James is going to tell me about?

 

James encourages us to consider it pure joy when we face trials of many kinds. He says we should consider it a privilege when we’re profoundly tested. Maybe your first response, like mine, is one of suspicion. When going through a challenging round of testing in life, our first response usually isn’t “pure joy.” But James is inviting us to a different perspective. “Consider it,” he says.

 

I’ve lived long enough to look back on past situations where it felt like I was being stretched to a breaking point and recognize the ways in which those moments tested and rooted my trust deeper in God. That’s the sort of joy James is talking about when he says “because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.” And when perseverance has completed its work in us, we’ll discover that we’ve become mature, complete, and without lack.

 

That’s how true abundance works. God tests and refines our lives. The usual refinery God uses is hardship–the stuck places and heavy places we journey through. For a time he may allow something or someone to seemingly overcome us, but he will never allow it to destroy us. His heart is for us to enter into places of abundance.

 

Our problem is that we aren’t exactly clear on the true meaning of abundance. We keep thinking it’s about cash or possessions or achievements or pleasure or fame or any of the other currencies of our culture. We rush around trying to get more, more, and still more. But if we keep on needing more and more, maybe what we’re chasing isn’t actually what we need most.

 

Having lots of nice things isn’t abundance, and we can see that by how quickly we grow dissatisfied with what we possess at any given moment. Abundance is relationship. Abundance is personal. Abundance is a quality of soul. Abundance is a life lived deeply at home in God.

 

For Reflection:

In what ways have you experienced abundance lately?
In what ways have you felt tested?
How might God be leading you along a path of true abundance in the midst of your current life experiences?
How would you like to talk with God about this?

ICDT #39: Five Ways to Become a Better Listener

 

What would it look like for you to slow down your inner pace as you converse with someone else? Here are five ways you can practice being present and listening to another person:

 

Begin to quiet your mind as you listen. We all have distractions, but begin to practice setting aside your own inner whirlwind for a bit. Let the life of the person in front of you come to center stage. Quiet your own mind and tune in to what they are saying. Be at rest in their presence.

 

Let God’s love for the person enter into your heart. This is the time for empathy. Remind yourself that this person is loved by God exactly as they are. Let God’s reality become yours. As you listen, let your heart fill with love for them. Whatever they share, you know that God is already there. God is accomplishing His work in their life. You can become a conduit for God’s love by opening yourself to God as you listen.

 

Resist the temptation to problem-solve. It is easy for us to move directly into problem-solving or advice-giving mode. Watch out for this tendency. Most people truly just need to be heard. As they are talking things out, they often stumble upon their own solution. Even if they don’t, your humble, listening ear is still a gift they may not find anywhere else. Don’t rob them of the beauty of simply sharing their life.

 

Think about what God might have on His heart for the person. Listening to the person and at the same time listening to God—this is an art form we can learn. As you listen, remain open to the heart of God. How might God feel toward this person? What might God desire for their life?

 

Respond with invitations and questions. When you respond, try to do so in a way that shows you really heard them. Let your response be filtered through the question “What would God desire for them?” For example, you could replace “You know what you should do…” with “What is God inviting you to in this situation?” Give them space to thoughtfully respond.

 

Listening can help us learn that we do not always have to be “on” or fix other people. The Lord Himself is working His own processes in each of our lives. We can learn to be true friends, mentors, & influencers as we cooperate with Him.

 

UL Podcast # 219: Hardship as Leadership Development

 

"How are you suffering?"  Doesn’t this sound like a fun episode? 

However, it won’t take long to realize, and agree, there has been a lot of suffering in the last few years. A global pandemic. I’ve lost two friends to it, and I’m pretty sure I’ve lost two months of my life fighting COVID19 two different times. 

There’s been so much pain. 
Social conflict. 
Political polarization. 
Racial pain. 
Vocational isolation or overwhelm.

This episode addresses these truths  in a conversation I have with friends on the topic of pain.  The discussion draws from the chapter in my book, What Does Your Soul Love?, of the same title and looks at "how are we suffering?"

In my book, An Unhurried Life, I put two chapters back to back that I wish didn’t go together like they do. One is titled “Suffering: Unexpected Unhurrying,” and the other is “Maturity: Growing Up Takes Time.” I wish that hardship and spiritual growth didn’t go together so often, but the seasons that have contributed the most to deepening my roots or strengthening my trust have been hard ones. So I hope this episode will help you envision how some of the hard places you’ve been walking just might be something God uses for your best good and the good of those around you.

The Fertile Soil of Rest

A Bonus Blog by Alan and Gem Fadling

The best work grows in the fertile soil of deep rest - and we're not talking about La-Z-Boy recliners or Tempur-Pedic mattresses (although we do love our pair of La-Z-Boy recliners in our living room).  The deep rest that God especially invites us to is rest for our souls.  Inner rest. Freedom from anxiety, from rage, from harshness.  A soul at rest.

 

So, in about a week, we will be pausing our regular work at Unhurried Living to take a mini-sabbatical through the month of July. Why? Like many, we are feeling a deep need for profound rest.

 

Everyone’s job is unique. We’ve chosen work that involves an immense amount of creative production. We are working on three different book projects. We each maintain a weekly podcast. We write a weekly blog post. And we coach dozens of leaders on a regular basis.

 

The tank from which we draw needs replenishing. To continue to write and coach at the level we want to, we must acknowledge the wisdom of dormancy. A season of dormancy is when a plant is not focused on producing foliage or fruit but instead is renewing its own inner life.

 

So what’s the difference between sabbatical and vacation? The main difference for us is the matter of rest. Vacations are often wonderfully recreational and even active. So it’s no surprise that I’ve often returned from a vacation at least as tired as when I left.

 

Sabbatical will be a season in which we focus on receptivity more than activity. We’ll have many fun activities during sabbatical: traveling, hiking, exploring museums, trips to the coast, visiting with family and friends. But our primary focus is to rest, to allow God to replenish us, to let our creative souls cease production for a season.

 

We are building a few protective barriers around our sabbatical to help us rest:

We will  completely disengage from all elements of our work . Our assistant will manage Unhurried Living in our absence.


We will  cease checking all work email  and even our usual personal email. (We both have an email address that we’ll use for emergencies and travel communication.)


We will put a  vacation hold message  on our phone voicemails.


We will  not go back  to the pile of emails or messages that collected in July. They will be deleted. Our vacation hold message will indicate this.


We will  refrain from social media  and other forms of escapist media involvement.


As much as possible, we’ll  avoid spending time on devices .

 

I’ve been reading my journal from last year’s July sabbatical. I could see my weariness in the first couple of weeks, and my entries were terse. By weeks three and four, I could see my soul starting to breathe. I was feeling more creative without even trying to be. My drained soul was filling. Overflow was emerging.

 

We are hopeful that such replenishment will be the gift of this year’s sabbatical. We would be deeply grateful if you would prayerfully remember us during the month of July. Pray especially that we’ll have discernment to receive every good thing God is extending to us.

 

We send this email along with our prayer that God’s Spirit will be bringing rest and refreshment your way as well.

 

 

Photo by Do Nhu on Unsplash  

What Shape are You In?

Blog by Gem Fadling

It's an understatement to say that a lot is going on in the world. Anecdotally and statistically, we find that people are stressed, overwhelmed, depressed, and anxious.

 

This makes sense because we are, in fact, overwhelmed. We see, hear, and experience too much. Psychologically, emotionally and physically we are unable to bear up under the pressure of everything that’s occurring around us.

 

It's good to pause for just a moment and acknowledge this reality. Some of us feel this deeply—our bodies are weak and our emotions are frayed. Some of us are coping by moving into places of denial or apathy. Still others are doing fairly well and traversing the times as best they can.

 

Indeed, after everything that has happened in the past couple of years, I (Gem) don't need to describe for you all the unhelpful consequences we are experiencing. But what if we pause for a moment to ponder the grace that may be within our own hearts..

 

Have you ever played with Play Doh, that soft, clay-like substance that little elementary-aged hands love to squeeze? You can turn it into anything you want, from rainbows to bouncy balls to giraffes.

 

There are even fancy plastic contraptions that come with Play Doh, such as an extruder that can be used to press creates long strings of spaghetti and other shapes. Just shove in a lump of Play Doh, squeeze down the handle, and stars, cylinders and other shapes came spilling out.

 

In some ways, the pandemic and all the other worldwide dynamics have felt like a Play Doh extruder. I have felt shoved in and pressed down and squeezed out. How about you?

 

I am a different shape now than I was before. Some things that needed to fall away have, in fact, fallen away. My new shape is not necessarily bad; it's simply different.

 

As we are pressed and squeezed, we can ponder some transformative questions: What new shape is emerging? What has been pruned away? What is left behind? What is being brought forth?

 

We may have the opportunity to become more aware of who we actually are. Some of the excess has been trimmed. Maybe we've been pruned down to essential thoughts, feelings, and actions.

 

Some of us are sensing a bit of freedom these days. Before we begin filling in the spaces, it might be good to pause and ask a few more questions: What do I really want? What is the essence of the life I want to live? How can I discern what to leave behind and what to add back in?

 

I hope you will give yourself some time to ponder these kinds of questions. Now is not a time to live unintentionally. Yes, it can feel as though we are being battered in a great storm; however, Jesus is the one who calms the storm (see Mark 4:35-41). How might being in the presence of Jesus grant you the discernment you seek?

 

I know I posed a lot of questions here. My invitation is that you pull out the questions and allow yourself the space to turn them into prayers. Bring your pressed, pruned, storm-battered heart to the one who calms the sea with his voice.

 

Reflection

Here are all the questions again so you can spend some time journaling or in prayer:

What new shape is emerging?
What has been pruned away?
What is left behind?
What is being brought forth?
What do I really want?
What is the essence of the life I want to live?
How can I discern what to leave behind and what to add back in?

 

Blessings to you as you make your way.

 

Photo by Alex Jones on Unsplash

UL Podcast #218: The Good and Beautiful YOU (James Bryan Smith)

 

In this week's episode, we share a recent conversation Alan had with James Bryan Smith about his latest book, The Good and Beautiful You. In it, he talks about who we really are in God. How has God created us to flourish? What does it look like to be fully alive inside? How do we discover the person Jesus created us to be? We think you’re going to find this episode really helpful in answering questions like these. 

A few years ago, Alan and Gem wrote their book on the soul titled What Does Your Soul Love?  There is such a difference between being a self that we define and being a soul made in the image of a good and beautiful God. We have no better sense of meaning, purpose or identity than one given by a Master Artist who created us as an expression of divine vision. God makes us special. In God we belong. 

 

James Bryan Smith is a professor of theology at Friends University in Wichita, Kansas, where he also serves as the director of the Apprentice Institute for Christian Spiritual Formation. He is a founding member of Richard J. Foster's spiritual renewal ministry, Renovaré, and is an ordained United Methodist Church minister, serving in various capacities in local churches. 

Jim is author of a number of best-selling books, including the Good and Beautiful series which includes The Good and Beautiful God, The Good and Beautiful Life, and The Good and Beautiful Community, and the latest in that series that we’re talking about today, The Good and Beautiful You. 

ICDT #38: Overcoming Situational Anxiety

 

"So since we find ourselves fashioned into all these excellently formed and marvelously functioning parts in Christ’s body, let’s just go ahead and be what we were made to be, without enviously or pridefully comparing ourselves with each other, or trying to be something we aren’t." (Romans 12:5, MSG)⁠

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"Love one another from the center of who you are…" (Romans 12:9, MSG)⁠

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I now often use these verses as I prepare I speak to a group. I remind myself to embrace and to be who I am, without qualification. ⁠

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I get to be exactly who I was made to be. ⁠

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And I remember that I get to love those in front of me from the center of who I am. What a treat. What a privilege! And, to borrow a phrase, I can do that!⁠

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This is an Unhurried Living way of serving. I serve from my authentic self and I love from the center of that place. ⁠

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So much freer than trying to pretend I am something I am not and trying to impress those I am teaching.⁠

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I prefer authenticity and love over pretending and impressing.⁠

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If you are suffering from situational anxiety today, remind yourself that you are loved, that you get to be exactly who you are, and that you can love from the center of your deepest place. ⁠

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You, too, do not have to pretend or impress. You can give your best and leave the outcomes to God.

Six Practices for Spiritual Retreat

Blog by Alan Fadling

Last summer, Gem and I took our first July sabbatical, and in just two weeks, we’ll take our second. Being authors and self-employed, we’ve come to realize we need this sort of break to sustain the level of writing and other content creation we’re committed to. We began last year’s sabbatical with a week on Orcas Island, which is the largest of the San Juan Islands in the far northwest of Washington. Retreat time like this has become a holy and life-giving habit for us since our twenties.

 

One day, we decided to walk down to the shoreline and each spend at least the morning alone with God. Sitting on a log right by the water, I felt the warmth of the morning sun on my right side as I looked out over the bay. I listened to the lap of little waves landing on the pebbly coast. There was something so calming about that rhythm. 

 

As I sat there, however, I also felt a familiar boredom rising in me. I’m accustomed to a lot of stimulation in my life, and sitting still for that long felt boring. But I realized that boredom in such a moment might be a gift—maybe even an element of spiritual training—rather than an affliction.

 

I’ve long been familiar with practices of solitude (refraining from usual company), silence (refraining from usual interactions), and stillness (refraining from usual activities). Perhaps I can add sameness (refraining from usual levels of mental or physical stimulation) to that list.

 

That morning on Orcas Island, I experienced sameness as I heard the steady rhythm of little waves lapping the rocky shore. It was the same sound minute after minute, hour after hour. I experienced comforting sameness as I saw the unchanging scene before me—a mostly glassy bay, other islands fading into lighter shades of gray the more distant they were, the gray-blue of the Sound—all unchanging.

 

I could change my narrative about boredom and decide to experience it as a gift. Sameness could be a way of leaning in to the sorts of receptivity for how God may wish to move, speak, or reveal himself to me. I could receive boredom as God-given instead of as evil. Perhaps some boredom on a retreat day or in a sabbatical season is the sort of withdrawal that is necessary to my recovery.

 

We live in a time when most of us crave immense variety. We feel we must remain stimulated, and we resist anything that feels monotonous or uniform. When we have a moment without immediate responsibility, we often bring our phone to our face. So the practice of sameness might just be among the harder disciplines for us these days.

 

We are so used to high levels of mental and emotional stimulation. The average young adult today would be perturbed by the low levels of stimulation that were normal for me in my own youth, an era before the omnipresent devices that now fill our lives. Sometimes our souls may need to practice sameness to become inwardly stationary enough to notice the movement of God.

 

In addition to sameness, I’m also drawn to stability (refraining from constant change). Monastic stability is usually understood in terms of staying put in the same monastery, but it has broader implications. It is the intentional bias toward staying put rather than seeking change for the sake of change. It’s a purposeful resistance to the impulse that tells us “the grass is greener over there.”

 

In retreat, stability is the practice of picking a location and staying put. While on retreat, I’ve sometimes spent a great deal of my time wandering the retreat center and seeking the perfect place to meet with God when instead I could simply find a good place nearby and stay put. God really is everywhere. God is not more present in the perfect little nook of a retreat center than in a less lovely location.

 

To solitude, silence, stillness, sameness, and stability, I would finally add simplicity, which is refraining from my usual complexity of life. That might look like not bringing too much with me on retreat. I’m always tempted to bring a backpack full of books to read, but perhaps one book is plenty. Maybe even bringing nothing and letting the book of God’s creation speak to me would be helpful.

 

So, on that rocky shore, I embraced the solitude that became an opportunity to experience the company of God. I welcomed silence as a place to hear the voice of God. I settled into stillness where I might discern the movement of God. I rested into sameness as the place where I might enjoy the creativity of God. I rooted myself in stability so that I might recognize the presence of God. And I sat in simplicity so that I might enter into the unity of God.

 

When it comes to the practice of retreat, here’s a simple summary of these six elements:

Solitude: Find a place to be alone with God.
Silence: Resist the temptation to overthink things. Cultivate a listening posture.
Stillness: Let your body come to rest. Let yourself watch for the movement of God.
Sameness: Don’t avoid what feels like negative boredom. Let sameness be a kind of blank canvas on which God can express his creativity. Resist the temptation to distract yourself.
Stability: Find a good place and stay put. Don’t look for a better place than the one you’ve chosen. Remember that God is always with you right where you are.
Simplicity: Don’t bring a lot with you. Don’t assume that a backpack full of books and other things to work on is the main goal. Give yourself the gift of some tech-free minutes or even hours. Let divine fullness meet you in what may feel like emptiness.

 

For Reflection:

Which one of these six facets of retreat sounds the most welcome to you?
Which one sounds the most challenging to you?
How would you like to experiment with such a practice of retreat in the next month or so?

 

Photo by Azzedine Rouichi on Unsplash

ICDT #37: Gaining Perspective

 

In our book, What Does Your Soul Love?, I shared the story of how I was learning photography at the same time as I was in the midst of a dark night of the soul.

 

At the time, and to this day, I carry within me the principles and metaphors of photography as a paradigm for my life. There are many connections here between photography, presence and perspective. I’d like to share three with you now.

 

  Look for the light.
  Remember the rule of three.
  Choose where to focus.

 

Listen to today's I Can Do That Podcast as I unpack all three of these dynamics.

The Heart of an Unhurried Leader

Blog by Gem Fadling

I recently completed my first offering of a coaching group called Soul Care Based Leadership. If you’ve been reading our emails for long, you know that at Unhurried Living we believe deeply in living and leading from the inside out.

 

During this coaching group, I shared my personal Rhythm of Life (ROL) as a prompt, and then each woman began crafting her own ROL. I do have a ROL that is based on the calendar, however, I’ve added some intentions rooted in who God has created me to be. This aspect has been forming for years, and I love what emerged:

 

Life Intentions 

To be who I am and to love from the center of that place.
To nurture my belief and experience that God is love and is always with.
To be present to the person with whom I am talking.
To share with others all that I have learned with grounded optimism and practical spirituality.
To remember that I and all those I meet are in-process and to liberally extend grace.

 

This is how I want to express myself when I am at my best—and, hopefully, also when I am at my worst. This is my way.

 

Recently, as I was perusing my journal, I came across another bulleted list, one that describes how unhurried leadership shows up in my own life:

 

Unhurried Leadership 

I am an unhurried leader.
I am not afraid to look within, to make changes, and to grow.
I make time for what is important to me: God. Relationships. Soul care.
I know I can’t go this alone. I need people who walk with me.
I practice authenticity and am learning to lay down masks and persona.
I believe in overflow. I don’t crank out goods and services. God initiates and I cooperate.
I take time to become present and rest. This is the engine for my productivity.

 

Neither list is right or wrong, and they certainly are not prescriptive or complete. But they do reflect my deepest intentions as I express myself in relationships with God and others.

 

Reflection 

What might be on your intention and leadership lists?
How do you intend to live?
What does unhurried leadership look like for you?

 

Feel free to use my ideas as a jumping-off point for yourself. And reply to this email, letting us know what comes up for you.

 

Photo by Debby Hudson on Unsplash