Alan Fadling's Blog, page 39

A Master of Life

Blog by Alan Fadling

I have recently designed for myself what I’m calling a Spiritual Classics Study Project. If you sat in my library, you’d see a whole bookshelf, floor to ceiling, full of Christian spiritual classics ordered from the earliest centuries of the church to more recent writers.

 

As I was sitting and looking at it one day, I realized that, now in my sixties, there was a good chance I’d never read all these books, some of which I’ve now owned for decades. So, I consulted a scholar who has expertise in Christian spiritual classics. Together we came up with a plan to guide me through ten classics from various eras of the church. It’s been a life-giving journey so far.

 

In preparation, I was reading a bit of Bernard McGinn’s The Essential Writings of Christian Mysticism. Some people get nervous about the word “mysticism,” but it is simply a word to describe the lived experience of the spiritual life (as opposed to merely studying or moralizing about spiritual life).

 

As I was reading McGinn’s work, I came across a German word that was used to describe the fourteenth-century spiritual director John Tauler. He was called a lebemeister, meaning “master of (spiritual) life.” Don’t we need more followers of Jesus who, instead of just talking about joy or peace or love, are masters of really living them out?  What a difference that would make in our work.

 

One of Tauler’s insights was that in the highest form of prayer, “enjoyment” and “work” become one when interior joy in God is not disturbed by any exterior action.

 

Enjoying God and working with God are not separate or different things. We can enjoy God and rest in God even as we are involved in the work of God, whether that work is in our own souls or in the world around us.

 

We can work with God in fullness of joy, and I have tasted this reality. May God grant that we all would taste it more and more and develop the sort of solitude at the center of who we are that gives birth to profound outward fruitfulness. May the joy of God so fill us that it overflows in how we treat others and do our work. Amen.

 

For Reflection:

What might be the relationship between being a “life-master” and Jesus’s words in John 10:10 that he came so we may have abundant life?
How would you like to pray in response to this invitation?

 

Photo by Catalin Pop on Unsplash

ICDT #35: Model of an Unhurried Leader

 

As a person of influence, you may be tempted to move ahead more quickly than your people can move. Be sure they sense you are with them in their journey, that you aren’t trying to drag them forward at your pace.

If you are accompanying someone on their journey right now, notice if you are allowing them the dignity to set their own pace. Are there any adjustments you need to make as you accompany them?

 

Relationship is more important than achievement.

 

And, if you find yourself on the receiving end of someone else’s grace, it’s ok to receive that gift from them. If you need more time, that’s ok. The fact that you are still pedaling means something. You aren’t giving up and you will get to your destination.

 

Connect with Gem on Instagram and learn more about her and her programs at Unhurried Living website.

Very Married: More Reflections on Long-Time Love

Blog by Gem Fadling

Today is our 37th wedding anniversary. I (Gem) have occasionally shared about our earliest days of dating and getting married at a relatively young age. Alan and I have grown up together in every way. I met him when I was a teenager, and we married at the tender ages of 21 and 24.

 

Last year I published this ooey-gooey-lovey-dovey post, which I absolutely adore. This year, I thought I might take a different look at long-time love.

 

A few years ago, a young woman who had been recently engaged asked me the secret to a long-lasting marriage. I could have just laughed it off and said there is no secret. Instead, I took a sincere stab at it, and here is what came to mind:

 

Marriage is a relationship between two people on a transformational journey. Each individual is on their own formational journey with God. The key is for both partners to be growing and then being willing to adjust as the other person changes. Because growth equals change. Long-time marriage results when you hang in there through all the seasons of your relationship.

 

I don’t know if this is THE definition of a marriage, but I do know it’s the glue that has held Alan and me together. And I realize it is not romantic in the traditional sense, but romance is not love. Love is grander than romance, as evidenced by the fact that God chooses to define himself with the term: “God is love” (1 John 4:8).

 

Alan and I are opposite in almost every way. See if you can guess which of us is which in the following list.

 

Myers-Briggs: ENFP / ISTJ (not one letter in common!)

Enneagram: 7 / 5 (experts have said this is like oil and water)

Quality time: engaging banter / quiet togetherness

Vacation favs: tackling every tourist site / resting and reading

 

And yet our relationships with God, what God is doing in us, and how we are growing and sharing that with each other--this has been the backbone of our connection. This has been the stabilizing force when all else is opposite or even contrary.

 

I realize this is sheer grace. It’s something we weren’t even smart enough to plan for but has simply emerged as our superglue. And I know not everyone experiences this. I’m not offering a prescription, merely a description.

 

Alan and I have been committed to each other through all that life has thrown at us and in every permutation of ourselves.

 

This quote from Thomas Merton says it all: 

 

“The beginning of this love is the will to let those we love be perfectly themselves, the resolution not to twist them to fit our own image. If in loving them we do not love what they are, but only their potential likeness to ourselves, then we do not love them: we only love the reflection of ourselves we find in them.” (Thomas Merton, No Man Is an Island)

 

I want to be the kind of person who allows Alan to be who he is and to not merely search for my own reflection within him. Acknowledging this is only the beginning of love. 

 

I told you this wasn’t romantic. But it is real. We know everything about each other, and we choose to love. We hold space for each other to grow, and we remain willing to learn the new dance steps.

 

At our best, our opposite traits complement each other. Together, we make a multifaceted whole that doesn’t exist without our partnership. This is the beauty of our long-time love, and this is what we celebrate today.

 

Reflection

Whether or not you are married, what does long-time love mean to you?
What do you think about the centrality of the transformational journey?
Ponder Merton’s quote. How might you be looking for your own reflection in the people you love?

 

P.S. Please note that this is meant to be a tribute to Alan, to our marriage, and to longtime love at its best. However, if you or someone you know is in any kind of toxic or abusive relationship or marriage, it is not time to “hang in there” and “learn new dance steps.” Seek help and get to a safe place, both physically and emotionally.

ICDT #34: Copy the Master

 

Often, when I talk about Unhurried Time with God, I offer that the reason we do it is because Jesus himself did it. Jesus often withdrew to lonely places to pray. He got in touch with the Father so he could find out what to do, and more importantly, who he was.

 

Jesus said that the works he did were the Father’s works and the words he spoke were the Father’s words. How else did he know what to do and say except for time spent in God’s presence?

 

Wouldn’t it be great for someone to look at your life and work and exclaim, “Wow! That looks exactly like Jesus. I can’t distinguish between the two of you because you are so much alike.” How might we copy our Master so that our work is indistinguishable from his? What amount and kind of time does that take?

Ask yourself: What sorts of practices are conducive to receiving the love, mentorship, and guidance of Jesus? What does apprenticeship to Jesus look like in your current season?

 

Connect with Gem on Instagram and learn even more about her and her programs at Unhurried Living website.

A Friend of Henri Nouwen

Blog by Alan Fadling

About four years ago, I traveled to the Dominican Republic to lead a retreat for pastors and other Christian leaders, something I’d done many times before. At the close of my trip, I spent two days in retreat at a Cistercian monastery way up in the hills on the edge of Jarabacoa. I was working on a draft for What Does Your Soul Love? at the time. 

 

The language barrier was a challenge. The prior spoke no English, and my confidence in my high school Spanish was low. One retreatant, Roberto, who arrived on my second day, spoke good English and helped me a couple of times. 

 

My friend Samuel had arranged for me to stay there, and when the monks found out that I had authored two books on the spiritual life, they asked if I would address them in their chapter meeting. I was humbled. It’s hard to feel like much of a spiritual teacher when you’re speaking with lifelong monks! 

 

I felt especially honored that they would invite me into their cloister space, a private area in the monastery that retreat guests do not usually visit. So I agreed to address them on the afternoon of my last day of retreat. 

 

I decided to share a little about my story and my work with busy Christian leaders, as well as a few insights from my books. I was grateful for the monks’ gracious reception. 

 

At the close of our time together, one of the monks, who was about 80 years old, shared that he had been mentored by Henri Nouwen when Nouwen lived in Latin America for a season. As we all visited together, the prior said, “You are one heart with us. We agree with everything you have shared.” What an encouraging moment. I know that what I practice in my own simple way is their daily rule of life—for some of them, over many decades. 

 

As I prepared to leave, the monk who had been trained by Henri Nouwen (and who had the most happy and receptive countenance as I shared), came over and asked, through my friend Samuel, if he might pray for me. I had been recording my talk, and so I was able to capture his prayer. 

 

“Good Father, we want to give you thanks for these marvelous things [referring to what I’d shared with the monks about my life, my books and my work]. We want to give you thanks for the manifestation of your presence and your love for all of us. Especially, we pray for this friend and brother that he can communicate his project very well, and that he can provide these solitude retreats for everyone that is in need. In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, come among us and help us in our daily walk.” 

 

God was kind in giving me that moment with those monks. Despite our differences in language, culture, and life experience, we shared a deep connection with one another in Christ. 

 

For Reflection:

Who has God recently used to encourage you?
Why not take a moment to thank them for their friendship?
Who might God be inviting you to reach out and encourage? When might you do that?

 

 

Photo by Natalie Grainger on Unsplash

ICDT #33: Hide and Seek

A few of our deepest needs are to be seen, known and heard. Some of us can share our hidden spaces directly with God. Others may need to make their way to God with the help of trusted friends, spiritual directors, coaches or counselors. Either way is beautiful because it means you are becoming more whole.

 

So…show it all to God. Tell it like it is. It’s already happening and God knows about it. You are not hiding just because you have your hands over your eyes. That toddler game of peek-a-boo is cute with a little one, but it is exhausting for us if we continue to play it as an adult.

 

Find the freedom you desire. Take that next small, simple and gracious step forward. The one that you can see. Don’t worry about all of the other steps. The grace for each of those will be there when you get there.

 

Connect with Gem on Instagram and learn more about her programs at the Unhurried Living website.

The Counterintuitive Timing of Discernment

Blog by Gem Fadling

I have always had an active imagination. When I was a little girl, I could easily imagine a monster in the closet and the bogeyman under my bed. As I have grown and matured, my imagination has grown with me. In both What Does Your Soul Love? and the forthcoming Hold That Thought, I share about times of prayer when God has used my imagination to console, teach, and even stretch me. 

 

It's important to remember that God is eternally creative in the ways he finds to connect with us. I’ve heard people say that the imagination cannot be trusted. What if it leads us astray? People say the same thing about the emotions and the heart. 

 

However, I’d like to propose that we can just as easily be led astray by our thoughts. And I haven’t heard many people cautioning us to stop thinking.

 

This is where Spirit-filled discernment comes in. Cultivating a discerning heart and mind is critically important as we make our way through life. And while it may seem counterintuitive, one of the most effective means of discernment usually occurs after we make our best stab at a decision. 

 

Yes, there are many ways to discern a matter prior to making a decision; however, afterward you can gain further insight by asking yourself this question: What is the fruit of the decision? If the outcome of your decision has the aroma of the fruit of the Spirit (love, joy peace, etc.; see Gal. 5:22-23), it’s probably safe to say it’s within the pleasant boundary lines of God’s desire for you (see Psalm 16:6).

 

If the fruit of the decision smells more like the seven deadly sins (pride, greed, envy, etc.), then it is likely you missed the mark. Learn from your mistake and be wiser about those dynamics in the future. I realize this may seem simplistic, but it is a helpful place to begin.

 

As always, let’s move in grace. We are imperfect people who are doing our best. This is the essence of Ignatian discernment. We take time to look back, reflect, and discern what has occurred in the circumstances of our lives. Over time, we collect a library of wisdom from our efforts, and we take all that into consideration in our current situation. 

 

Pray, discern, decide, act, reflect, discern, learn. Rinse and repeat.

 

The older you are, the more you probably will understand what I’m talking about. Life experience is a real thing. The more experience we gain, the more likely we are to have a filter through which to make decisions. This is, of course, more of an art than a science.

 

An unhurried life is about granting grace profusely, and it is about making time for reflection, learning, and discernment. These things cannot be done in a hurry, and the process of gaining wisdom builds up over time.

 

In the meantime, we do our best to make wise decisions. We pray, we seek trusted counselors, and we ask God for wisdom.

 

Don’t be afraid to use your God-given imagination. You are using it anyway when you envision, dream, and then pray about something you want to occur in the future. Discernment is the key here, whether for thinking, dreaming, or imagining. God grants wisdom to those who ask.

 

Blessings to you as you make your way into further discernment.

 

Reflection

How do you currently engage your God-given imagination?
How might you grow in practicing discernment in the areas of thinking and feeling?
Ask God for wisdom. God is so generous.

 

 

Photo by Kevin Jarrett on Unsplash

ICDT #32: Frantic, Anxious Work

 

“Unnatural, frantic, anxious work, work done under pressure of greed or fear or any other inordinate passion, cannot properly speaking be dedicated to God, because God never wills such work directly.” (Thomas Merton, New Seeds of Contemplation, p. 19)

These words are a direct blow to my anxiety. Frantic work is never God’s invitation. Simply being reminded of this can be enough to quell the low hum of anxiety.

If I know anything about myself it’s this: I want all that I do to be dedicated to God. And if anything stands in the way of that, I want to stop doing it as soon as I am able.

So I’ll sink further into this reality: “The Lord is my shepherd. I have everything I need.” 

The ways of Jesus are found in the Great Commandment, the Fruit of the Spirit, the Sermon on the Mount, Psalm 23, and more. We do not see Jesus moving frantically or anxiously. 

 

Even with all of his interactions, he always shared underlying dynamic: “I do what the Father is doing. I say what the Father is saying.” He always knew what he was about and he felt no need to push or to burn the fuel of anxiety. Jesus was not frantic.

Identify an area of your life in which you are moving frantically or anxiously. Remember, as Merton said, God never wills such work. How might you make an inner shift that leads to working from a non-anxious heart?

 

Connect with Gem on Instagram and learn about her at the Unhurried Living website.

Remember the Truth

Blog by Alan Fadling

I’m finding many times in the scriptures when God’s people are urged to remember the truth, as in this example from Paul’s second letter to Timothy:

 

Keep reminding God’s people of these things. Warn them before God against quarreling about words; it is of no value, and only ruins those who listen. Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth. Avoid godless chatter, because those who indulge in it will become more and more ungodly. 

2 Timothy 2:14-16

 

“These things” refers back to one of Paul’s “trustworthy sayings” from verses 11-13. What can we count on? Paul says that

 

If we died with him,

we will also live with him;

if we endure,

we will also reign with him.

 

I think the key phrase in this passage is “with him.” The Christian life is a life of communion with Christ. The warning Paul wants Timothy to give in God’s presence to God’s people is to avoid quarreling about words. It’s a worthless activity. 

 

Fighting about words is useless, and the “about” part is the problem. It is controversy that separates itself from real engagement with truth as reality. It is fighting from the edges of reality rather than engaging the actual battle to live the truth. Presenting ourselves to God involves engagement with God rather than fighting about God. The latter bears bitter fruit that proves the Spirit of God is nowhere to be found in this approach. 

 

So “correctly handling the word of truth” is not a matter of arguing about the Bible. It is living in the reality of what God says his world and his kingdom are about, then speaking from that place of abiding truth. 

 

The greatest apologetic for the truth of who Jesus is and what Jesus says is demonstrating that truth in the way we live. What Jesus says applies for our lived experience; it is good counsel that leads us to a very good life. What, for example, would happen if all Christ-followers loved their enemies instead of attacking them? The world needs to see this life lived out, not merely discussed, debated, and demanded. 

 

For Reflection:

What have you learned about God recently that has meant the most to you? What have you found reliable in God? What will it look like to let that reality season and shape your day?

 

Photo by Soragrit Wongsa on Unsplash

ICDT #31: Be a Ticket Holder to Your Own Life

 

Wherever I go, do I act as though I should be there or am I held back by self-doubt? Do I enter with holy confidence or am I hamstrung by fear? Do I engage with assured presence or am I pressed down by anxiety?

 

What if a “Beloved child of God” ticket was in my hand and I could use it at will. Like an eternal park hopper pass at Disneyland. Or like a never-ending entrance to the Cathedral in Florence.

 

Of course, I don’t need to wonder—because I am a beloved child of God. Jesus assures me of this. It isn’t in question.

 

How about this: the next time you stand on the threshold of a new opportunity, and fear raises its ugly head, look down into your hand and see your “Beloved child of God” ticket. Then proceed to enter in like any ticket holder would.

 

The next time you need to set a healthy boundary, look down into your hand, see your ticket, remember you are loved, and then continue to make your way.

 

The next time you want to enter more deeply into an unhurried way of life, and anxiety about your value-apart-from-production pops up, notice the ticket in your hand, and move forward.

 

Confidence in my belovedness can be at least as sure as when I hold a ticket to a concert and I know I’ll get in the door.

 

Connect with Gem on Instagram and learn about her programs at the Unhurried Living website.