Alan Fadling's Blog, page 41

ICDT 27: Nothing is Wasted

 

I wonder if you, like me, had a small handful of childhood dreams. It might time to reflect back on them. See if you can uncover your heart’s desire inside a child’s wish. You may just find your next steps in the hands of your inner child. Tucked within may be keys to how you might want to express yourself even now.

 

Here’s your “I Can Do That!” for this week:

 

Take a few minutes this week to reflect on your childhood career choices, or even just any memories you have of childhood dreams. Notice if there is an aspect of that in you right now. How might you want to express that more fully here and now in your adult life?

 

Remember, you’re making your way forward one small, simple and gracious step at a time.

 

Listen now on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcast app.

UL Podcast #214: The Soul of Desire (Curt Thompson, MD)

 

Today Alan is chatting with Curt Thompson, MD about his latest book The Soul of Desire. He found so many intersections with what he and Gem have been learning in their journey towards wholeness and vitality in their life in God. In this book, Curt talks about the place of desire in our lives, how desire can sometimes get hijacked, but how desire can be a holy motive and energy that moves us toward the beautiful life of God he has always intended for us. 

 

Curt Thompson is a board-certified psychiatrist, founder of Being Known, an organization that develops resources for hope and healing at the intersection of neuroscience and Christian spiritual formation, and host of Being Known Podcast. In addition to The Soul of Desire, he is also the author of The Soul of Shame and Anatomy of the Soul.

 

You can connect with Curt on social media on Instagram and Facebook.

Unshakable and Assured

Blog by Gem Fadling

Many years ago, at a retreat center near our home, I was sitting outside my bedroom door and pondering the view: bark chips. The center was beginning a landscape renovation, and now thousands of bark chips carpeted the area.

 

Why bark chips? I felt disappointed by the lack of grass, which to me would have been more soothing and beautiful. Instead I was greeted by a large, dry spread of tiny bits of wood.

 

As I stared at the bark chips I realized that they were a perfect metaphor for the multitude of thoughts in my head. They represented the inner clutter I had brought with me to this time away in solitude. No wonder they disturbed me so.

 

I sat in the chair on my little porch and shared with God how I was looking forward to the way he would meet with me over the next 24 hours. How would I become free from the inner clutter?

 

By the time I got to the end of my 24-hour retreat, a few things had shaken down. I realized that the swirl in my head was not caused by the details of my life but by my overprocessing of those details.

 

At that time I was reading Sacred Companions by David Benner. In one of the chapters he encouraged a friend not to second-guess what God is up to or overanalyze what one is supposed to learn from a situation. In context, he was in no way dismissing the thoughtful pondering of God’s work in one’s life. There are times, however, when too much thinking or analyzing is counterproductive. Sometimes we get stuck in our own head, which can lead to unhealthy inaction.

 

Over the years I have grown in this area. I still tend to analyze, but I don’t get stuck as often as I used to. Back then I would spin my wheels by asking why or I would seek to control a situation by overthinking. I’d get sidetracked by the opinions of others and by my own ever-changing emotions. I would exhaust myself with overanalyzing.

 

During my time at the retreat center I was deeply encouraged by two passages on peace:

 

“I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid.” (John 14:27 NLT)

 

“I’ve told you all this so that trusting me, you will be unshakable and assured, deeply at peace.” (John 16:33 Message)

 

By my own efforts I couldn’t make the bark chips of my inner clutter go away. I could, however, receive the peace of the Lord Jesus Christ. I could continue to attune myself to God in the midst of the clutter, and my time of retreat became a space for the dust to settle and for me to remember what is always true: God is present and he grants peace.

 

God is with us, speaking, leading, and loving. Finding his voice of peace is like being in a large, bustling crowd and tuning in to one voice among the throng. I am still learning to be still so I can listen and receive.

 

Reflection 

How about you? Do you sometimes overthink relationships or situations?
What emotions and/or actions does such overthinking lead to?
How might you encounter the Prince of Peace today?
How might you make your way to being “unshakable and assured, deeply at peace”?

ICDT #26: God is Your Refuge

 

Do you ever feel overwhelmed by your life? Do you ever feel like you’re under a pile and there is no way to dig out? At this point, these are silly questions because we’ve been under a lot of strain the last couple of years. Many people feel pushed beyond their limits.

I’ve noticed that my own negative thoughts and expectations can add another layer of weight when things aren’t going well. I burden my already heavy heart with should’s and self-judgments. This is easy to slide into when we are sick or when life throws a curveball or something unexpected at us. We lose our bearings and grasp for a lifeline.

If you find yourself feeling stressed or overwhelmed, let me offer you an image. I don’t want to preach about this or give easy advice about how to make your situation better. I simply want to offer an invitation to soak in the reality of being surrounded-- of finding refuge.

Listen now on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcast app.

 

Connect with Gem on Instagram @gemfadling or learn more about her on the Unhurried Living website.

Podcast 213: When We Get in Our Own Way

 

Today, Alan shares a recent conversation with his wife and partner in Unhurried Living, Gem, and their friend Matt Fogle, about the chapter on “Resistance” in What Does Your Soul Love? The key question that frames that chapter is, “What is getting in your way?” 

We’re tempted that the main things that get in our way are out there somewhere. We assume that if other people were more cooperative, things would be dramatically better for us. But so often the main things that get in our own way actually arises from within us. We have old habits of getting what we want and need without much reference to God. There are still remnants of practical atheism embedded in these habits. 

 

We really think you’re going to find this episode helpful as you continue to make your way forward on the transforming journey on which Christ has invited you.

Learn more about Alan on the Unhurried Living website.

The Fruits of Solitude

Blog by Alan Fadling

One of the practices that has proven the most transformative and fruitful in my life over the last thirty years or more has been spending a day (or part of a day) each month in solitude, silence and prayer. I often write in my journal on those days, so it’s a great gift to be able to go back through thirty-plus years of journals and reflect on what God has given me in those days. Here are some notes from one such solitude day:

 

On distraction. I’ve discovered I haven’t much power over whether or not I will be distracted in these days alone with God. Noises or interruptions will come from outside of me. Thoughts or feelings will arise from within me. I don’t know how to stop this. What I do have some control over is how I respond or react to these involuntary distractions. I can choose to get wrapped up in solving, wrestling with, or otherwise engaging them, or I can decide not to take the bait and simply let them pass. It’s not as easy as it sounds, but it’s good work when I do it. I don’t have to distract myself thinking about the distractions that arise on such a day.

 

On the creative benefits of solitude with God. What have been some of the practical fruits of this regular practice of time spent alone and quiet before God? What good things have come for me or for others in these times?

 

Creativity – drawings, poems, prose, songs
Wisdom, insight, and perspective
Peace and rest
A greater and simpler awareness of God with me
A sense of fresh encounter with God
A sense of being loved and favored by God
A heart at restful attention with God
When shared with others, a deeper sense of community and unity, even with others who are very different from me

 

On the Benedictine vow of stability. This vow is simply a way of saying that there is usually great virtue in staying put rather than moving on. Do we need to hear this in our dramatically mobile culture? How many marriages have been abandoned that could instead have been much more fruitful through perseverance and willing work? How many have stepped away from one church fellowship right when conflict or challenge could have resulted in new places of rootedness in and reliance on Jesus?

 

For Reflection:

How might you set aside some time to be alone and quiet in God’s presence? How much time would stretch you a little stretch but not be overwhelming? When might you do this in the next month or so?

 

We have a free download called “Unhurried Time with God Guidelines” that you can get on our website. Just click here.

 

 

Photo by Paola Chaaya on Unsplash

UL Podcast #212: The Ninefold Path of Jesus (Mark Scandrette)

 

Today, Alan shares a conversation he had a while back with Mark Scandrette about  his book, The Ninefold Path of Jesus. In it, he shares his experience of seeking to live more deeply and faithfully into the nine beatitudes that begin what some call Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount. In his book, Mark shares a beautiful vision of what it might look like if we practiced the beatitudes as a way of following Jesus more closely and faithfully. 

 

We love how Mark casts a vision for the kind of life Jesus considers blessed. So often, the culture around us suggests that the good life is in achieving more, or acquiring more, or impressing more people. But Jesus seems to say that a life of abundant goodness is found somehow in 

being

 more like him. He lived an abundant life. His way of treating people was remarkable. He was full of love, of joy, of peace, of all the things we seek. It’s good when we let Jesus define what a good life for us would be like. 

 

We invite you to connect with Mark on social media on Instagram and Facebook and Twitter.

ICDT #25: You are Seen, Known and Loved

 

Your first tooth…

Your first day of kindergarten…

Your first car…

Your first kiss…

Your first home. 

 

Life is full of firsts. We spend our lifetime taking first steps that lead to growing up and maturing into functioning adults.

Along the way, our souls are taking first steps as well. The first time we heard about God. The first time we heard the name of Jesus. The first time we saw an answer to prayer. The first time we acted on His behalf, in the care of another. And, yes, the first time it all came crashing down around us.

Today, I’d like to share with you three of my firsts. Turning points in my relationship with and understanding of God.

 

Connect with Gem on Instagram and learn more about her coaching and community groups.

Your Tears Will Teach You

Blog by Gem Fadling

For the last few years, I have been caught up in the TV show The Good Doctor. It’s the story of a young man with autism who is doing his residency at a hospital. Viewers get to see how he functions within his community, and in one episode he is asked to explain why he wants to be a doctor. Without spoiling it for any of you who plan to watch, let’s just say he gives a real tear-jerker of a speech. Short. To the point. Perfectly authentic.

 

My eyes welled up and tears spilled over onto my cheeks. I felt joy, connection, hope.

 

Maybe you’re thinking, But, Gem, this is just a TV show. Connection? Really? Yes. And you’ve likely felt it too while watching a movie or TV series. At some point I’m sure you have connected to a particular character or story arc and you felt moved. Maybe to tears, or maybe to laughter or anger or some other emotion. But you were moved.

 

Many years ago, I was prayed over by an experienced spiritual director who also happened to be a nun at the Pecos Benedictine Abbey in New Mexico. She will be forever in my heart because of her grace, care, and prayerful presence as we delved into the depths of my soul.

 

One of the things she told me as I cried during prayer is that tears are a gift. In fact, she called it “the gift of tears,” and I haven’t thought of my tears the same way since then. Tears are a gift. They point to something. Tears can show you what is important to you. Tears can teach you something about yourself that you haven’t yet discovered, or they can remind you of something significant that you forgot. Or tears may simply enable you to express some deep pain you carry.

 

One reason I was so moved by that episode of The Good Doctor is that a young man whom everyone thought of as “weird” or “unqualified” found the respect and admiration of a roomful of people. He spoke the simple truth about his desire to become a doctor, and his qualification was undeniable.

 

In that moment he became a projection for the part of me that feels like I don’t always fit in or that I’m not qualified. Sometimes my own limitations keep me from what I want, so my eyes filled with tears because I recognized that within myself. This fictional character gave voice to that part of me.

 

This is just a simple story of watching a TV show and being moved to tears by some great acting and dialogue. But I was also able to get a glimpse inside myself, where I recognized the desire for acceptance in spite of my limitations. And I know I’m not alone. Don’t we all want that? Don’t we all want to be accepted in spite of our own issues?

 

 Understanding this about myself enables me to offer acceptance to myself first and then to others. It equips me to extend grace as often as possible. To remember that people are not machines or bit players in a movie that centers around me. People are people, and we can all use an extended hand of grace now and again.

 

In this current climate of anger, contempt, depression, and division, lived grace is more important than ever. Let your tears guide you to that grace.

 

Reflection 

What brings a tear to your eye?
What might this be telling you about a place of desire or pain.
How can you extend grace to yourself within this space?
How might you extend that same grace to others?

Photo by tabitha turner on Unsplash

ICDT #24: The Gift of Listening Well

 

When was the last time you had a leisurely conversation? Do you find yourself talking fast, and cutting people short so that you can get on with whatever you were doing? It’s not your fault, it’s in the cultural air we breathe.

 

We may assume that others are busy and we are likely in their way. Or we think the same about ourselves: I don’t have time for this!

 

Most people these days don’t have someone who just simply listens to them. Many are over-connected on tech gadgets and yet are starving relationally. Listening is one very practical gift we can give to our fellow travelers that may soothe their soul.